How Important Is Chemistry In A Relationship? 7 Signs Your Connection May Not Last, According To Experts

Meeting someone you feel a strong connection to doesn’t happen every day. So when it does happen, it’s easy to get excited and feel like maybe you’ve finally met your soulmate. But according to experts, having a strong connection with someone doesn’t always guarantee that your relationship is going to last.

“Having an intense connection can be great, but that connection can lead to couples having high expectations of each other and the relationship,” Jeannie Assimos, eharmony’s chief of advice, tells Bustle. There’s nothing wrong with having expectations. According to Assimos, it makes the relationship that much better when they’re met. But if your expectations are unrealistic, you run the risk of disappointment or adopting habits that aren’t really healthy for a relationship.

For instance, great chemistry can reel you in and keep you attached. But your relationship won’t last, if it lacks a strong foundation. Great sexual chemistry and good conversations may only get you so far. You need to know that your partner also has your back and is committed to working on building a healthy relationship with you.

“If you don’t feel your partner has your back when the chips are down, you [likely] won’t make it for the long haul,” Christine Scott-Hudson, marriage and family therapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle, “Your relational foundation should be so solid that if the winds and the rains come, you won’t wash away.”

So here are some signs that a strong connection doesn’t guarantee your relationship may last, according to experts.

1. You’re So Protective Over Each Other That It’s Almost Possessive

Relationships, secrecy, jealousy and infidelity concept. Suspicious jealous beautiful young dark-skinned female looking over her boyfriend's shoulder with curious expression, suspect of his betrayal

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Jealousy in a relationship is normal. Knowing how to work through feelings of jealousy is the best way to maintain a healthy and well-balanced dynamic. But if one or both partners grow so jealous of who else the other is spending time with or who they’re talking to, Assimos says it just screams red flag. “A relationship that’s built on such toxic feelings won’t last,” she says.

Jealousy can lead to controlling behavior and one partner feeling smothered by the other. If you get easily jealous, take a step back and ask yourself why. If it’s an issue of trust, you may need to have an open discussion with your partner about what needs to be done so you feel more secure in the relationship.

2. You Started The Relationship Off By Making Your Partner The Center Of Your World

Having an intense connection with someone can put you in fantasy-mode. All of your focus and attention may be on your partner to the point that they become the center of your world. But that’s not the kind of thing that creates a solid foundation. While there’s nothing wrong with being excited about someone early on, they shouldn’t take over your life.

“In real life, there are bills to pay, kids to nurture, and trash that needs to be taken out,” Dr. Caroline Madden, Ph.D., licensed marriage and family therapist and author, tells Bustle. “Eventually, the fun and excitement will give way to the real work of a relationship.”

If your partner isn’t willing to put in the work after the newness has started to fade, your relationship likely won’t last. Building a foundation before going all-in emotionally is the best way to know that you’re investing in the right partner.

3. You Take Everything Your Partner Says Or Does Very Personally

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A big part of having an intense connection in a relationship is the emotions you feel for your partner. “This should be a factor in every relationship,” Assimos says. “But if one or both partners are becoming increasingly sensitive in how they’re feeling about the other, it will start to distract from the loving nature that relationships should revolve around.”

When you have a strong connection with someone, their moods and behaviors can affect you deeply. For instance, if they start getting distant, it can immediately cause you to panic and may start doing whatever you can to “fix” the problem. When they’re mad about something, you may automatically assume they’re mad at you. When you take things too personally, it can cause you to act in ways that can turn your partner off. The best way to deal with this is to just have empathy for your partner, be supportive, and not assume to know what your partner is really thinking.

4. There Are Trust Issues

If you’re constantly suspicious about what what your partner is doing or what their true motives are, your relationship likely won’t last. Even if you have a strong connection with someone, trust issues will get in the way of your relationship. If there are trust issues, Shannon Wiggins, LCSWA, psychotherapist who specializes in marital and family counseling, tells Bustle, “One of two things are prone to happen: The accused partner will grow tired of being accused and throw in the towel or the accusing partner will burn themselves out trying to prove the indiscretions of their partner.” Talking with your partner is the first thing you should do. But if your trust issues are deeply rooted in past situations, therapy can also be helpful.

5. You Hold A Lot Of Things Back

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Open and honest communication is key to relationship success. But if you feel uncomfortable talking to your partner about important issues, or you feel the need to hold things back in order to keep your relationship in a good place, you may not make it.

“Communication is the way we express our needs to one another,” Wiggins says. “If you and your partner are unable to properly communicate, chances are, neither of you are getting your needs met.”

When your needs aren’t being met, you’re likely building up resentment. Ideally, you and your partner should be communicating often. If you really can’t express yourself without feeling judged or your partner threatening to end things, they may not be the right partner for you.

6. Your Fights Always Get Really Intense

“Some people believe arguing with your partner is a sign of passion and that you care very strongly for each other,” Wiggins says. But that’s not really true. Arguing can be healthy; it gives you a chance to air out your feelings and work on a solution together. But according to Wiggins, constant arguing is often a product of a communication issue or a blatant refusal to compromise. “Either way, it’s difficult to sustain a relationship,” she says.

Learning how to actively listen to your partner without giving any input until they’re finished can be helpful. But if your fights get mean and personal, that shows a lack of respect for each other. There may be no going back from that.

7. Your Core Values Don’t Line Up

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If you want your relationship to last, you need to make sure your core values are aligned. “Our core values dictate how we view the world and what we see as right or wrong,” Wiggins says. “Behaving in ways that go against our core values provoke discomfort in us. If being with your partner causes you to go against your core values, sustaining a relationship will be difficult.”

Your values include things like how you define commitment and what you think about marriage and family. A strong connection may change someone’s mind about wanting a commitment, but not always. So it’s always important to be firm on your deal breakers.

It’s exciting to meet someone that you’re completely drawn to in so many different ways. But having an intense connection doesn’t guarantee a happily ever after. You still have to put in the effort to maintain a long-lasting relationship. If you notice any of these signs, you may need to ask yourself whether your partner really is the right one for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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25 Funny Instagram Captions To Use After A Breakup That Show You’re OK

If your Instagram looked like #relationshipgoals up until your recent breakup, you might feel compelled to share the news of your split with your followers. (If Miley Cyrus can do it, why can’t you, right?) But if long, vulnerable captions aren’t your style, you might want to opt for funny Instagram captions to use after your breakup to convey that you’re newly single and going to be just fine.

If you’re not exactly feeling super funny today, don’t worry. This list has got you covered. Whether you want to just go with a hilarious Lizzo quote that shows how fabulous you are or you want to get some people sliding in your DMs as soon as humanly possible, this list is filled to the brim with options for every mood.

Rather than blowing up your group chat trying to come up with the best caption, let this list do all of the heavy lifting for you. Read each one of them and copy and paste whichever feels the most true to how you’re feeling onto your next Instagram post. Are you ready for this?

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“My DMs are open for sliding. #letthegamesbegin”

This is a not-so-subtle and hilarious way to announce that you’re back on the market. Get ready for your followers who have been silently thirsting after you to pop out of the woodwork.

“Does anyone have Tyler Cameron’s number? Asking for a friend (that friend is me).”

Or sub in Travis Scott, Kristen Stewart, etc…

“You coulda had a bad b*tch, non-committal.”

As if this list would be complete without at least one Lizzo quote. If you want to send your ex a hilarious but also majorly passive-aggressive message, I’d go with this one for sure.

“no ring, no prob”

Pair this with the most DGAF picture you have for maximum LOLs.

“🎼 AND IIIIIIII-IIIII-IIII WILL ALWAAYS LOVE MEEEEE 🎼”

Give your own single-person spin on the Whitney Houston classic.

“PSA: I’m back on the market.”

I mean, the public really deserves to know this information. So, why not announce it PSA-style?

“I am Beyoncé always.”

Michael Scott has gifted the world with plenty of great quotes, but this may be one of his best. Quote the GOAT in your caption to let people know that you’re thriving on your own.

“FYI, Grandma you can stop asking how [ex’s name] is doing.”

Again, this is a little petty. But sometimes being a little petty is funny.

“Realized I’ll probs never find a love like the one I have for pizza & am totally cool with that.”

If you’re a pizza lover, go with this caption to let people know you’ve still got your bae.

“You used to be my cup of tea, but now I sip Champagne.”

I saw this on a t-shirt once and am just still not over it. So petty. So hilarious. So great.

“Made like Elsa and decided to let it go.”

Why not throw a little Frozen reference in there?

“Like Halsey, it turns out I’m bad at love… but I’m good at taking shots so who’s down to meet me at [insert fave bar here]?”

If you’re trying to party, go with this caption. Invite your friends out for a night of celebrating your newfound single status.

If someone is dishing out compliments, experts say it may be a sign they're into you.

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“thank u, next-ing & thriving”

Nothing like a good old, fashioned Ariana tribute.

“I’m good on my own.”

You came into this world alone and you’ll leave it alone, so being single is only natural. Let people know you’re back to being solo and loving it.

“Back together with my Day 1 (me) & we’re happier than ever.”

Just wait for the praise-hands emoji comments to roll in.

“We (are) on a break!”

Obvs, we had to throw a Ross/Rachel tribute in there for those of you who are, in fact, on a break.

“Who wants to help me come up with a fire Tinder bio?”

This is funny but it also shows you’re actively moving on.

“Back to doin’ what I do best: me.”

A little spicy.

“Hot take: There is no greater joy in life than sleeping sprawled out starfish-style in the middle of your bed.”

Have you ever tried doing this? It’s truly one of the greatest spoils of being single.

“singlin’ & minglin'”

You’re not just single and “ready” to mingle, let everyone know you’re out there actively mingling.

“Being a ‘relationship person’ never really quite felt on brand, anyway.”

This is a pretty cheeky way to announce that you’re really embracing and loving the single life.

“Single until I find a human I love more than chicken fingers.”

This will likely be never and I totally get that.

“Still not sure why I’d want a [BF/GF] when no human could ever be as loyal (or gorgeous or smart or cool) as my dog.”

True.

“Imagine waking up in the morning and getting to do WHATEVER YOU WANT without taking ANYONE ELSE into consideration… That’s pretty much every day of my life now, so I’d just like to publicly congratulate myself on that here.”

Ah, nothing like a good, old-fashioned congratulatory post.

OK, now take your pick and show the world just how fine you really are.

 

 

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California Dreamin’ – Donna – 1982 to 1984 – Broke The Code

NSFW! This post is Not Safe for Work!

One night I went to an old town pub in Pasadena. For my sort of friend, Tim’s birthday day party. (See: California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 -Tim’s Wife Donna) I got there late hoping to stop bye, say hello and buy him a few drinks. I spent most of my time talking to most of the girlfriends of our friends and the band while they were taking shots and just partying it up. I mostly just talked to his Tim’s wife, hot Donna. Other than drunk ass Tim I only really knew her from their group.

I decide to take it easy on the drinking tonight because someone needs to be the sober voice of reason at this party.

About 1-1:30am most of his family and friends had left. While at the table talking he makes a comment about how he still hasn’t got his birthday present from his wife.

She tells him not tonight.

“Your just going to get home and fall asleep.”

As their friends make fun of him, she pulls close to me and says that it’s too bad because when she drinks she get really horny. He looks at us and asks what we’re whispering about. She pulls away and tells him that I shouldn’t buy him any more drinks, and that I should buy her some. He agrees and asks if I could be their designated driver. He also says he’ll give me cash to get a cab back to that bar to get my car. I end up driving them home all the while she’s giving me looks that’ll make a young boy cum in his pants. (After that episode in her bathroom, my brain is still reeling.)

We pull into the driveway, he gets out and stumbles his way into the house leaving me and his wife outside. We say our good bye trying to be calm, I walk her to the door.

She tells me to be quiet and leads me through the gate and around back of the house.

With out a word she undoes my belt and pulls out my cock, drops to her knees licks the tip of my cock and balls before sucking me! No words are said. All you can hear is the slurping and slapping of my balls on her chin!! She sucked a good 10 minutes before I came.

Again, without a word she stood up, still playing with my dick, and asked if I would fuck her. She then turned around pulled up her black cocktail dress, bent over the patio rail, looked back at me and asked again. I was in her before she could finish asking. I know it’s wrong but when you’re young recklessness is just part of youth.

Then it got even crazier. She started to moan.

To be outside and that time of night it seemed really loud. What if Tim hears me banging his hot wife?

I reached around to give her my jacket so she can scream and moan into that but when I tried, she grabbed my arm and used that instead! Which she started to bite down hard on. That really hurt, but somehow it got me turned on even more.  Well, long story short, there I am, three in the morning, a large bite mark on my arm, and feeling guilty as hell.

We finished and I crashed on their couch for the night. Donna kissed me deeply before she went upstairs to their matrimonial bed. I passed out and woke up early the next morning with a rush of anxiety (It was bad back then when I was young) I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could.

I hung out with them again and nothing ever came of it. I guess Donna just always liked me and we were all young so we did crazy shit.

 

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