If you’re not exactly feeling super funny today, don’t worry. This list has got you covered. Whether you want to just go with a hilarious Lizzo quote that shows how fabulous you are or you want to get some people sliding in your DMs as soon as humanly possible, this list is filled to the brim with options for every mood.
Rather than blowing up your group chat trying to come up with the best caption, let this list do all of the heavy lifting for you. Read each one of them and copy and paste whichever feels the most true to how you’re feeling onto your next Instagram post. Are you ready for this?
“My DMs are open for sliding. #letthegamesbegin”
This is a not-so-subtle and hilarious way to announce that you’re back on the market. Get ready for your followers who have been silently thirsting after you to pop out of the woodwork.
“Does anyone have Tyler Cameron’s number? Asking for a friend (that friend is me).”
Or sub in Travis Scott, Kristen Stewart, etc…
“You coulda had a bad b*tch, non-committal.”
As if this list would be complete without at least one Lizzo quote. If you want to send your ex a hilarious but also majorly passive-aggressive message, I’d go with this one for sure.
“no ring, no prob”
Pair this with the most DGAF picture you have for maximum LOLs.
“🎼 AND IIIIIIII-IIIII-IIII WILL ALWAAYS LOVE MEEEEE 🎼”
Give your own single-person spin on the Whitney Houston classic.
“PSA: I’m back on the market.”
I mean, the public really deserves to know this information. So, why not announce it PSA-style?
“I am Beyoncé always.”
Michael Scott has gifted the world with plenty of great quotes, but this may be one of his best. Quote the GOAT in your caption to let people know that you’re thriving on your own.
“FYI, Grandma you can stop asking how [ex’s name] is doing.”
Again, this is a little petty. But sometimes being a little petty is funny.
“Realized I’ll probs never find a love like the one I have for pizza & am totally cool with that.”
If you’re a pizza lover, go with this caption to let people know you’ve still got your bae.
“You used to be my cup of tea, but now I sip Champagne.”
I saw this on a t-shirt once and am just still not over it. So petty. So hilarious. So great.
“Made like Elsa and decided to let it go.”
Why not throw a little Frozen reference in there?
“Like Halsey, it turns out I’m bad at love… but I’m good at taking shots so who’s down to meet me at [insert fave bar here]?”
If you’re trying to party, go with this caption. Invite your friends out for a night of celebrating your newfound single status.
“thank u, next-ing & thriving”
Nothing like a good old, fashioned Ariana tribute.
“I’m good on my own.”
You came into this world alone and you’ll leave it alone, so being single is only natural. Let people know you’re back to being solo and loving it.
“Back together with my Day 1 (me) & we’re happier than ever.”
Just wait for the praise-hands emoji comments to roll in.
“We (are) on a break!”
Obvs, we had to throw a Ross/Rachel tribute in there for those of you who are, in fact, on a break.
“Who wants to help me come up with a fire Tinder bio?”
This is funny but it also shows you’re actively moving on.
“Back to doin’ what I do best: me.”
A little spicy.
“Hot take: There is no greater joy in life than sleeping sprawled out starfish-style in the middle of your bed.”
Have you ever tried doing this? It’s truly one of the greatest spoils of being single.
“singlin’ & minglin'”
You’re not just single and “ready” to mingle, let everyone know you’re out there actively mingling.
“Being a ‘relationship person’ never really quite felt on brand, anyway.”
This is a pretty cheeky way to announce that you’re really embracing and loving the single life.
“Single until I find a human I love more than chicken fingers.”
This will likely be never and I totally get that.
“Still not sure why I’d want a [BF/GF] when no human could ever be as loyal (or gorgeous or smart or cool) as my dog.”
“Imagine waking up in the morning and getting to do WHATEVER YOU WANT without taking ANYONE ELSE into consideration… That’s pretty much every day of my life now, so I’d just like to publicly congratulate myself on that here.”
Ah, nothing like a good, old-fashioned congratulatory post.
OK, now take your pick and show the world just how fine you really are.
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