We here at The phicklephilly love men. In fact, we adore them. We like their bodies, their brains, and their strange way of doing things. So it’s always a tricky tightrope when you’re dealing with a dude to know when to be there for him—and when to cut and run. Since we’re here to help the ladies, we’ve created a handy guide that will help you know when your guy is just being a guy—or if you’ve got a dud on your hands who needs to be dumped.
1. “I’m going into therapy.”
Your dude’s got issues. He’s moody. He’s unhappy. He can’t get it together. So, you’d think it’d be a good thing when he finally says, “I’ve decided to start seeing someone … in the therapeutic sense.” You’d think. Only, that’s not how it turns out. How it does turn out is that it’s like he’s got an ally who’s pro-him and anti-you, and now he’s coming home once a week with lots of things to tell you about how he feels, and it’s not all good when it comes to your end of things. In the end, you wish you’d just told him to go to the gym.
2. “I don’t feel like having sex.”
Sure, every man has an off day. But you know what? Most guys want to have sex all the time. And if you’re not getting it on on a regular basis, especially because your guy is claiming that he’s just “not feeling it,” you can bet that your problems are going to turn out to be bigger than a case of the sex blues. In this particular situation, you may want to get to the root of the problem before this supposed dry spell kills your love, too.
3. “I can’t stop crying.”
Sure, sure, the new man is a metrosexual who is really in touch with his inner-self, does yoga, and gets waxed more than you do. But there’s a limit to how much a woman can tolerate seemingly unmanly behaviors. Crying because there was a death in the family? Feel free. Prone to weeping at romantic comedies? Not so much. If your man can’t control his emotions, and you find yourself feeling like you’re the one wearing the pants in the relationship, you should ask yourself if that’s what you want—a guy who’s a real tearjerker.
4. “I’m thinking about quitting my job.”
There are two ways this one can go. He’s dissatisfied with his current work situation, he wants to try something else, and this statement is a prelude to telling you all about his big plans for his next career move. That’s fine. On the other hand, if you’re living together, and one day he declares he’s going to give two-weeks notice today, and so far as you can tell he doesn’t have any idea what he’ll be doing after that, or how he’ll be paying for his part of your shared bills, this isn’t someone who has a work issue. This is someone who has an I-want-my-mommy-to-take-care-of-me issue.
5. “I need to tell you something.”
This one never, ever ends well. If he has to prepare you for what he’s going to say next, you best brace yourself for what’s coming because it ain’t good.
6. “I think we need to take a break.”
Hey, guess what? This isn’t school, and there will be no recess. Relationships are not like a Lego set: created to be dismantled and put back together again. “Breaks” are what guys who are too weak, scared, or lame suggest because they’re too much of a you-know-what to go ahead and break up with you. Make it easy for this guy. Give him a break from the relationship. A permanent one.
7. “My last girlfriend was crazy.”
True, your ex probably said the same thing to his new girlfriend, but you might want to keep an eye on the man whose history includes a long string of relationships with women who are totally temperamental, out of their gourds, or recently released from the state mental hospital. Guys who go out with lunatics think the crazy chick is the issue, but all too frequently he’s the one with the problems. Whether he craves drama, mistakes insanity for passion, or prefers to hook up with ladies who can never truly be intimate, you’re better off letting him move on to the next one—the next crazy one, that is.
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