How to Dirty Talk for Beginners

As straightforward as it sounds, dirty talking in bed can be intimidating. It’s a great way to spice up your sex life and turn on your partner, but knowing what to say and actually saying it are two very different things. It’s best to start simple before venturing into something really kinky, so if you’re planning on dirty talking the next time you have sex, try starting with these:

Compliments

An easy, straightforward way to start. And nothing turns you on more than knowing you’re doing a good job, right? “You’re so hot” and “I love it when you touch me like that” are good starting points.

Tell them what you want

Be bold and tell your partner exactly what you want them to do to you. Odds are it’ll turn them on more than you think, and they’ll know exactly how to please you. Try saying something like, “I want you to take control” or “touch me here.”

Talk about your fantasies

Dirty talk and fantasies often go hand in hand, and if you’re feeling bold, bringing up a fantasy is a good idea. As long as you and your partner feel comfortable around each other, why not bring up a fantasy you’ve always dreamed of?

Tell them what you will do

Don’t just do it to your partner- tell them what you will do first. Whisper what you’re about to do in your partner’s ear right before you do it and watch them light up before your eyes.

Describe how you feel

Be as vocal as you can be! Tell your partner how you honestly feel. The more honest it is, the easier it will come out. Try saying something like, “I like when you touch me like that” or “it feels so good when you…”

Don’t use words

Okay, this one is cheating because it’s not exactly “dirty talking,” but it will definitely turn your partner on! Moaning during sex is a super-easy way to venture into dirty talk because of how naturally it happens. Plus, it’s a great way to tell your partner they’re doing an excellent job without actually saying anything.

 

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9 Signs Somebody’s Keeping You On The Back Burner, According To Experts

It’s not always easy to tell when someone’s keeping you on the back burner. Do they have a lot going on? Are they just bad at texting? Or are they stringing you along while they weigh their other options? You may never know for sure, but there are a few signs a person isn’t invested or fully interested — and recognizing them can save you a lot of wasted energy.

“Being on the back burner means that you’re in someone’s life as a second (or third) choice,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. They maintain a relationship by communicating with you just often enough to keep you interested, but don’t show signs of fully committing. And this could be for a variety of reasons, including having you on standby should their current relationship fall through.

While it may not seem fair, “some people are fine being in a back burner relationship and accept that they aren’t someone’s priority,” Bennett says. This might be the case if you’re just casually hooking up, or taking things slow. And as long as you’re both clear about that, then it’s perfectly OK.

“However, if it bothers you, then you need to speak up about your feelings,” Bennett says. “In addition, it’s important to set boundaries. Usually, this means not giving time, attention, and emotional investment to people who aren’t willing to give you equal amounts in return.” Read on below for a few signs you may be on the back burner, according to experts, as well as what you can do about it.

1. They Take Forever To Text Back

Woman texting in her bed

Consider it a red flag if someone takes days to text back, especially if they don’t offer a good reason. Photo credit: Shutterstock

Everyone gets busy, so you can’t always expect someone to text back immediately, or maintain an ongoing conversation. But you don’t want to wait days for a response, either.

“Most people are with their phones all of the time,” Bennett says. “If you know the other person is free but you don’t get timely replies to your texts, it’s a sign that you could be on the back burner.”

Typically, if someone’s interested in developing a relationship, they’ll find the time to communicate — no matter how busy they get. So if they aren’t giving you the time of day, and you don’t like how it feels, it’s completely fair to move on.

2. They Never Make Solid Plans

If you’re on someone’s back burner, you might notice that they’re all talk when it comes to making plans. They might go on and on about vacation ideas, or claim they really want to see you. But if they aren’t setting solid dates, you have every right to wonder what’s up.

With back burner relationships, Bennett says, it’s not uncommon for the person to resist making solid plans. They might say they aren’t sure of their schedule. But in reality, they’re just stalling as they wait to hear back from other people, first.

3. They Text At The Last Minute

indonesia girl using cell phone in bed

If someone only texts late at night, you might be on their back burner. Photo credit: Shutterstock

If you only receive texts from this person at 11 p.m. on a Friday night, it can feel as if you weren’t their first choice for the evening. And you may very well be right.

One way to tell, Bennett says, is if they admit to feeling bored. While some people may find themselves with unexpected downtime and choose to reach out, it could be a sign they’re turning to you because they didn’t have anything else going on.

In these moments, it’s best to consider what you want. It can be exciting to finally hear from a person you’ve been interested in. But if the level of attention they’re giving you isn’t adequate, it’s OK to look out for your best interests, say no, and move on.

4. They Don’t Call When They Say They Will

If someone keeps promising to call at a certain time, but never lights up your phone, take it as a sign. When you’re on someone’s back burner, they’ll be flaky like this on a regular basis, Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York, tells Bustle.

And when it comes to setting the foundation for a solid relationship, that’s not what you want. “If you’re on the ‘front burner’ or the top of someone’s mind,” Lopez Witmer says, “they are most likely going to contact you when they say they will and be as consistent as possible in communicating with you because they want to see you and have made it a priority to do so.”

5. They Reappear When They Need Something

Side view of thoughtful young woman with brown hair and smartphone in yellow sweater touching chin while sitting at desk with notebook in cafe

Consider it a red flag if this person only reaches out when they need something. Photo credit: Shutterstock

It’s possible you’ve ended up as this person’s go-to when they’re in need of help or attention, Bennett says. If they were truly interested in being your partner, you’d hear from them all the time, “not just when it’s convenient or beneficial for them,” he says.

Of course, you can still help them if they need something. But if you’re worried they aren’t viewing you as a potential partner, feel free to speak up. You can always ask where things are headed, and confirm if you’re on the same page.

6. Their Weekends Are Booked Solid

Unless this person works on the weekends, it might feel strange that they’re only available at very specific times, like a random Monday night. And you should listen to your gut.

“People generally use weekends for socializing and time off from a typical work week,” Witmer Lopez says, “so if the person you are dating doesn’t want to make plans with you then, you may start to wonder who else they’re prioritizing on those valuable weekends.”

It might very well mean they have a primary relationship that they’re investing more into, such as an actual partner, or someone they’re dating more seriously.

7. Everything Happens On Their Terms

Woman with phone at the public transport

If everything happens on the other person’s terms, it may mean your relationship is not their top priority. Photo credit: Shutterstock

A relationship should feel balanced most of the time, with both people making plans, and giving and taking equally. With back burner relationships, though, things can feel very one-sided.

“If the person only wants to spend time with you at the last minute or is only available to you based on their schedule, this is a sign that the person does not think of you as a priority,” psychotherapists Lin Anderson, LMHC, M.A., Ed.M and Aaron Sternlicht, LMHC, CASAC, tell Bustle.

To gather more info, consider your history. Has everything always been on their terms? If so, every plan you made likely fit into their schedule, with little acknowledgement of your calendar.

8. They Don’t Invite You To Important Events

After a few months, it’s only natural to expect the relationship to progress beyond casual hangouts and texts. So consider it a sign if they don’t include you in social, couple-y activities, like parties or work events, Dr. Catherine Jackson, licensed psychologist and board-certified neurotherapist, tells Bustle.

You might notice that they “consult you when they are making plans,” Jackson says, and that you only hear about these things after the fact.

If it keeps happening, tell them you’d love to be invited, and see what they say. It could be they just didn’t know what you wanted, and it might even start an important conversation about your relationship.

9. You Don’t Like How You Feel

frustrated young woman in depression sitting on couch and looking down

If you don’t like how you feel, it may be time to move on. Photo credit: Shutterstock

Sometimes, it isn’t about “figuring out” if you’re on someone’s back burner, but simply paying attention to how you feel. “The truth is you deserve to be accepted, respected, and loved for who you are,” Anderson and Sternlicht say. “Ask yourself, ‘am I happy in this relationship?’ [or] ‘Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?'”

While the relationship may eventually progress to where you’d like it to be, it isn’t necessary to wait around while someone makes a decision. Express what you’re looking for, and be honest about your feelings. But if they don’t make any changes, or show signs of prioritizing you, it may be best to move on.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Rebecca – Chapter 15 – Aftermath

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

I take you to dinner, somewhere quiet, dark and candlelit. Talk you into wearing a black slinky number, one that shows your neck and wonderful shoulders and beautiful legs. I will even put on a shirt and tie so we look like belong in the place…

It’s raining outside, which is great because it cools everything off and you can see the steam rising from the streets as we park the car and head for dinner.

We start with drinks while we look over the menu. A couple of drinks and I cannot keep my hands off of you. I reach across the table and rub the back of my fore and middle fingers across your cheek, taking in the way you feel. I reach up and play with the lobe of your ear, rolling your earring between my thumb and fore finger. You kind of laugh and smile with your eyes, and I smile at you, knowing that the night is young.

The appetizers come and we order wine and begin to flirt with each other like kids. We take turns feeding each other the humus on toasted pita points that you ordered, and as I’m about to feed you the last bite, you jump suddenly as you feel my foot, which I’ve slipped out of my wingtips. My unshod foot has moved to brushing the outside of your crossed legs, below the knee.

As the waiter clears the remains of the first bottle of wine and the appetizers, I have to excuse myself to the men’s room, not really to use the restroom, but to be able to come back from the restroom and kiss your neck and ear from behind. I sit back down and our eyes meet and the conversation starts up again.

We have a white wine delivered again just before our salads arrive. I reach over to hold your hand and you reciprocate by reaching to me. We hold hands while the waiter pours. He starts with a splash in my glass for me to taste, I try to reach for the glass but you won’t let go and you smile at the new little game you’ve just started. I play along and try the wine, bringing my glass to my lips with the other hand. I approve and let the waiter continue. As he finishes up, his assistant brings us our salads. We toast to the night to come and drink lightly as we both recognize that we are in for a wonderful night.

I keep your attention through the salad by asking what you would like to do for the rest of the evening. Your eyes dance, as you describe what you want to do for the evening, until the waiter comes to clear our plates.

I’ve placed my foot back onto your leg only now instead of being on the outside of your leg, I move to the inside of your leg and move my toes up to the inside of your thigh. You look up at me from the napkin you were playing with, and simply smile as I wink at you. I lean forward and ask you to come forward by signaling with my index finger. You lean forward and your eyes light up as you nod at what I’ve said and excuse yourself to the ladies room.

You come back with a cat that ate the mouse grin and discreetly hand me the black G-string you were wearing. You laugh as I bite my lip and roll my eyes in delight. As you return to your seat, our waiter comes with our dinner.

Our conversation through dinner is innocent intentionally as neither of us want to push too far, we like the idea of skirting the issue of an entire night by ourselves. Through dinner I move my foot closer and closer to you, using my toes to touch you lightly, just enough to get your attention.

After dinner is cleared we decide to share a raspberry sorbet and take turns feeding each other and, accidentally of course, missing a couple times. By the time dessert is finished, my sock and you are both torridly wet.

We finish dessert and before we get our check, I talk you into leaving your g-string with the tip. You kind of giggle but go along with it and we decide we need to leave.

I smile and throw you a curve ball by demanding that we go to the bar for cognac and a cigar. You object and fight it a little at first, but then you realize how exciting it would be for you to have the waiter see you again after you have left him his tip. We sip our cognac and puff our stogies, while we relax in the lounge waiting for our waiter to pass through, just to see his face.

Finally, defeated by the man in the tuxedo shirt and cummerbund, we decide to leave and head for the elevator. I am walking behind you and just as we enter the foyer, our waiter walks through. You lean to him and whisper a very sultry goodnight dear, in his ear, all while I’m watching. You then smile and wait for me to meet you as our red faced waiter makes his way back into the dining room. We step onto the elevator and once the doors close burst into laughter, which I end by kissing for what seems like an hour. We make out like kids, groping and kissing, until you push the button for the next to last floor on the way down, and we make our way to the stairwell. The walk down the hallway we try to be as proper as can be until we realize we are alone and you start to run to the stairwell making me chase behind you.

We almost undress each other there in the stairwell, when I finally decide to stop you and lead you down the stairs to the exit.

Finally, as we make our way out of the building I surprise you with a covered horse drawn carriage for a private ride through the city. As I help you into the white carriage, you look back at me, sit down, pull up that slinky black dress, and invite me in with one hand, while you very playfully bite the forefinger on your other hand. As the driver readies the horses and we begin moving, the rhythmic clip clop of the horses serves as a metronome for us, and we ride off into the night…

 I awaken from this dream and realize you’re really gone, Rebecca.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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