Coronavirus Quarantine Erotica Is Thriving Right Now

Already burn through the internet’s impressive supply of coronavirus porn? Why not check out something a little more mentally stimulating? After all, we’re currently in the golden age of coronavirus erotica.

According to the Guardian, these are boom times for literary smut with a pandemic twist, with erotic writers rushing to bring you titillating tales of quarantine hookups, horny hand-washing and forbidden lockdown love set against the backdrop of the rapidly evolving virus.

Current titles already available for your quarantine perusal include: Covid-69: An Erotic Coronavirus Quarantine Story, Sex During the Coronavirus Pandemic and Love in Lockdown, as well as more eyebrow-raising tales such as Quaranteen: Step-Sibling Love in the Time of the Coronavirus and The Physical Manifestation of Washing My Hands Gets Me Off, which appears to be an experimental work of magical realism in which a woman begins a sexual relationship with the concept of hand-washing.

Sounds weird and vaguely unsettling? Well so is the world right now, and this growing collection of hot-off-the-presses pandemic erotica is a prime example of art imitating life.

None of this is terribly surprising. We’re all bored and horny, and the usual rules governing online expressions of that horniness appear to have gone out the window. These are horny, lawless times, of course pandemic erotic is thriving. So if your quarantine resolution was to start reading more, you’re in luck. Tonight, you can stay in with a good book and get off to it, too.

Or… You can purchase my Crazy Dating Stories series on Amazon!

 

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How To Get Closure After A Breakup & Move On, Even If Years Have Gone By

When seeking advice after a tough breakup, you’ve probably heard the same thing from your friends, family members, and therapist if you have one. “You just need closure.” But what does getting closure really mean? And what can you do if you feel like you never got the closure you needed from your ex? Understanding how to get closure after a breakup and move on from a past relationship isn’t common knowledge. You can give back your ex’s stuff, delete them off social media, and try to spend less time with your mutual friends. But if it’s been years since the breakup and you’re still hurting, you may need to take other steps.

I spoke to behavior and relationship expert Dr. Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., about the possible reasons why you haven’t moved on from your ex, and how you can find the closure you need within yourself, so that you can finally begin to heal. His audiobook and program Get Over Your Ex Now! outlines 12 reasons why you might not be over your ex — eight of which are explained in this article.

“The grieving process is not linear and it’s not static,” Dr. Wanis tells Elite Daily. “You don’t go from this step directly to that step. You might go three steps forward and come back two. Each person will go through it in their own way. There is not a specific timeline to grieving.” If it’s been years and you’re still dealing with feelings from a breakup, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t just sit and wait for time to heal you, though. “Time doesn’t heal anything,” says Dr. Wanis. “It’s what you do within time that will heal you or not heal you.”

1. Make new associations.

Stocksy/Jayme Burrows

Begin by addressing the reasons why you’re still not over your ex. The first thing that usually holds people back from achieving closure is the tendency to form anchors and associations, according to Dr. Wanis. Your mind automatically creates associations between your partner and certain songs, restaurants, food, fragrances, and more. So when you hear “your song” after a breakup, you think of a particular moment in time, and you feel a sense of loss that the relationship is over, or you experience feelings of loneliness. You programmed yourself to have that association, though, so you can work to create new associations with new people. Dr. Wanis suggests hanging out with different friends and making new memories around that anchor. Listen to the song with different people, and eventually it will form a new meaning.

Another way people cling to the memories of an ex is by recalling the past, but changing the emotion associated with it. Dr. Wanis calls this euphoric recall. If you find yourself thinking back to the past and reliving it as a positive experience rather than a negative one, Dr. Wanis believes you should remind yourself of all the pain you experienced with your ex. Then, start to focus on creating pleasure with someone new.

2. Feel complete on your own.

Stocksy/Liliya Rodnikova

Another thing that could possibly be preventing you from moving on from your ex is the belief that they completed you. Believing in soulmates or the one can be a dangerous interpretation to make, according to Dr. Wanis. While it sounds romantic on the surface, you’re basically saying that you weren’t a whole person before; you were incomplete. “You’re giving all of your power and all of your happiness away to this person,” he says. “You’re saying, ‘this is the only person that can fulfill me.’ Look for someone that compliments who you are, not necessarily who completes you.”

You may also be trying to fill emotional voids. If you broke up years ago and still feel empty, it may be because you want to experience certain emotions. Dr. Wanis says that these emotional needs can include praise, attention, devotion, guidance, security, connection, purpose, or meaning. “If our partner met those emotional needs and then we break up with that person and there’s no one else to meet those emotional needs, then we’ll be longing for him or her even more so,” he says.

The solution here is to look inward to fill the emotional void, rather than outward. Then, start to connect with other people and allow different platonic relationships to fill those different needs. “We do need connections to other people, we do need relationships,” says Dr. Wanis. “We just have to be careful when we become fully dependent and attached to someone.”

3. Work to better understand yourself.

Stocksy/Jovo Jovanovic

Other explanations for not getting over your ex include: craving a familiar touch, or what Dr. Wanis calls contact comfort; feeling hopeless without this person; clinging to fixed ideas and ideals about relationships; and having unresolved psychological issues. In order to deal with these factors, you need to keep working on yourself. Develop your emotional intelligence by finding out what your needs, values, and motivators are, and discovering your personality type and love language.

“[Shared values are] one of the most important foundations for a successful, happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship,” says Dr. Wanis. “Two people who have clashing values cannot get along. Some people don’t realize that until they’re in a relationship, because they’ve never thought about their values.” Once you’ve determined your values, you can move on to answering questions such as, “what are my needs, what is my lifestyle, what stage of life am I in, and what are my responsibilities?” Then, go even deeper.

“Start looking at, ‘What are my fears?’ ‘What are my insecurities?’ ‘What is my definition of love?'” says Dr. Wanis. “Most people don’t even recognize what their real definition of love is. Many of us carry subconscious definitions of love, or what I call twisted love. Twisted love is a negative definition of love. For example, [the thought that] love equals pain.”

You need to know yourself in order to eventually find someone who is a better fit and more compatible with you than your ex was. “As simple as it is, when you know who you are, then you are able to guide your life better and you’re able to feel like you’re in control,” says Dr. Wanis.

4. Take a 360 approach to healing.

Stocksy/RG&B Images

“Getting closure means getting clear about what the questions are that you want answered, and then working toward getting those answers and determining what role your partner played in this relationship, and what role you played,” says Dr. Wanis. He says that the first questions we tend to ask when a relationship ends are usually connected to self-blame. Or, you go to the other extreme and say, “there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m absolutely perfect. It’s them.”

Either way, you don’t need to have a long conversation or even talk to your ex at all in order to find closure. “Your partner may have no insight to be able to give you the answers that you need to get to the point of closure,” says Dr. Wanis. “For most, closure occurs from a psychological perspective.”

When searching for resources and strategies for finding closure, he says that it’s important to try more than one solution. “Come from a 360 approach. Look at your patterns. Are you eating healthy, or are you abusing your body? Are you sleeping well, are you exercising, are you engaging in mindful practices such as yoga and meditation?” If you’re still dwelling on your ex, turn to therapy.

“One of two things is occurring,” he says. “Either you have no idea why [you can’t get over your ex], or … you know the reasons why you’re stuck on your ex, but those reasons are controlling you. When you feel that there is a behavior, a thought, or an emotion controlling you, it’s OK to ask for help.”

5. Accept your role in the breakup.

Stocksy/Preappy

By taking these steps, you can begin to accept your role in the relationship and in the breakup. You should take complete responsibility and accountability for every part that you played in the relationship and be willing to learn from any mistakes, but don’t blame yourself for the other person’s actions.

Some breakups are harder than others. It can take a long time to truly get over an ex, but if the memories of a past relationship are still holding you back years after it’s ended, it’s time to take a look at the real reasons why you haven’t gotten closure. Only then can you truly begin to move on.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Flirting Going Unnoticed? 11 Flirting Signs Guys Miss All the Time

Men think in a different way. You might think you’re flirting up a storm, but you’re using the flirting signs guys miss. Cue frustration! What to do next…

Have you been bringing out the flirting big guns? Pretty sure that you’re letting the apple of your eye know that you’re crushing hard, but it’s not really going the way you planned? You’d be surprised with the flirting signs guys miss!

If you feel out of ideas of how to get your guy to flirt back without saying it directly, you’re not alone. Men in particular miss out on top flirting cues. It leaves those trying to catch their attention in a cycle of frustration. Maybe you’ve been there, I know I have!

According to a study by Bucknell University, men and women are programmed to flirt in completely different ways. To complicate matters, it also depends on the man himself! Perception of the fact that someone is flirting can be lost in translation. We all know that actually going up to someone and saying ‘Hey, I really like you’ isn’t something most of us want to do.

The only answer? Figure out the flirting signs guys miss. Be a little more direct. Yes, sometimes you just have to go for it, people!

11 flirting signs guy miss more than the others

Regularly use any of these flirting signs? Rethink your approach.

#1 Making the first moveThis is a big one, no matter who you are. For some very strange reason, some guys seem to completely miss the point. When someone approaches them, they take it as ‘oh, someone to talk to’, or ‘oh, this is interesting.’ It often goes completely over their head that this person is flirting!

Most of us wouldn’t approach a guy if we didn’t like them. We certainly wouldn’t be bothered about having a conversation with them. It seems plucking up the courage to start a chat with him might be completely lost in the moment!

#2 Posture correction. It’s written in our evolutionary rules that when we want to impress somebody, be it a work figure, someone we admire, or someone we’re crushing on, we correct our posture and stand up a little straighter. We’re making ourselves feel more confident. Fake it until we make it!

Guys don’t always pick up on this subtle shift. It is certainly one of the flirting signs guys miss the most.

#3 MirroringThis is subtly copying the position of the person you’re flirting with. For example, if they’re standing with their hands on their hips, you do it too. It’s a subconscious thing but quite powerful. This is a very strong flirting sign, because we have no control over it.

It’s our body’s way of shouting, ‘hey you, I like you!’ Again, it’s also about confidence and appearing more confident than you are actually feeling in the moment.

#4 FidgetingDo you ever fidget when you’re talking to someone you like? You’re trying to do your very best to flirt up a storm without embarrassing yourself? Perhaps you play with your hair, tap your hands together, brush imaginary hairs from your clothing, pick your nails, or bite your lip.

These are all signs that someone is feeling nervous energy. That nervous energy is because you’re flirting! But guys miss this sign, so all that pent up energy is going to waste.

#5 Making him jealousGuys are pretty direct overall. They don’t like signs and subtle hints. They like to be told what is going on, what is expected of them and what is going on. One of the flirting signs that guys miss in a big way is when someone who likes them tries to make them jealous, basically to get their attention.

This is usually by flirting with someone else. It’s funny how guys miss out on the signs that someone is flirting with them. They’re pretty good at noticing when someone is flirting with another person!

The problem with this tactic is that it could backfire. He could end up just being mad and not realizing that you’re doing it for another reason. Approach with caution here!

#6 Social media overloadWhile social media has some bad things, it’s made flirting a million times easier for less confident types like me! You can hide behind your keyboard and be a lot more upfront than you would be in person.

The problem is, this is another of those flirting signs guys miss. You might think that liking his pictures, commenting on funny remarks, and going out of your way to post sexy selfies of yourself is flirting. He thinks you’re just social media active. All that effort gone to waste!

#7 Dressing to impressI’m not advocating anyone dressing for someone else. Dress to impress yourself and no one else. Most of us dress in a certain way when we’re trying to flirt. Perhaps you wear that outfit they’ve complimented on before, or you wear a color you know suits your eyes. You go to all that effort, basically to impress the one you’re crushing on, and it goes completely over their head! Annoying, right? At least you look good though!

#8 Suddenly liking the things he likes. Developing a deep interest in something that he likes is a big sign that you’re trying to get his attention and impress. It’s something to talk about, an ‘in’, a way to flirt in a personal manner. Does he get it? No. He misses the point entirely. He thinks that you’re genuinely into this hobby all of a sudden. Yet more frustration!

#9 Compliments. This is a borderline one, but it is another one of those flirting signs guys miss at first. If you give out compliments here and there, he misses the point. Don’t go overboard with compliments! He might think you’re being strange. If you hit the sweet spot in the middle, he might get it. It depends on where his attention is at.

With the right middle ground, a well placed compliment can make a guy feel like he’s on top of the word. Persevere with this one!

#10 Please help me! Bless him, he has a heart of gold. When you ask for help, he thinks you genuinely need a helping hand with a task that you just can’t do alone. What he misses is that you’re doing it so you can flirt a little more and spend time with him! Yes, this is one of the most frustrating flirting signs guys miss!

#11 General mouth attention. When flirting, we focus on our mouths without realizing it. We lick our lips, bite our lips, pout, and basically try and get attention to that area. Why? Because we use our mouths for kissing and that’s what this flirting is supposed to build up to! While it works some of the time, getting him to focus on your mouth is sometimes one of the flirting signs guys miss too. Less is more and far more powerful!

 

Grabbing a guy’s attention isn’t as easy as you might think. While we shouldn’t generalize and assume that all guys miss out on certain cues, these 11 flirting signs guys miss in general are commonplace!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Rebecca – Chapter 18 – The Return – Part 2

I’m just happy she’s appeared with almost magical timing as my relationship with Cherie is being scattered by the white wings of destiny.

How’s your romantic life, Rebecca?

“Total shit. Nothing. I’m never good at that. I don’t want to get into it right now. It’ll just spoil the moment. Are you seeing anyone?”

Interesting how Rebecca deflects everything back to me. I haven’t seen or heard from her in two years. Every time I ask her a question, she pushes the dialogue back to me. Where has she been? What happened over the last two years in South America?

“I met a girl on Tinder a year and a half ago and it was good for a while, but it’s not so good now. I think the relationship may be riding off into the sunset.”

“Really? What’s she like?”

“Black girl. Pretty. Fit. 28 years old. Has a 7 year old son. Never married. Ex pays support but doesn’t spend much time with his son. White guy. Cherie worked at MacDonald’s for 10 years and is now in her senior year getting her BS in Psychology. She’s majoring in neuroscience and works at Children’s Hospital. She’s a great girl and going places, but like I said, it feels like she’s under so much pressure with work and her kid, I can feel it affecting our relationship.”

I paused. I thought about how much I’ve been struggling with Cherie lately. Everything. I thought how much I loved everything about Cherie and then how our relationship was failing. Why was I telling her all of this?

“It is what it is, Rebecca.”

“What does that mean, Chaz?”

I took a healthy sip from my cocktail. “I think the distance factor, plus we’re always apart and busy has put a lot of pressure on us.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I enjoy her company, but I never miss her when she’s gone. I know that sounds cold, but I enjoy my time alone. I really do. It’s hard now that I’ve gotten older to start the machine to be energetic and romantic. This place in my life… I like to interface with people and activate my energy, but having to be that… is somewhat difficult.”

“Do you mean sex?”

“No. That’s automatic and one of the very best parts of our relationship. It’s always good with Cherie.”

“Really?”

“Yea, It’s just the distance and schedules that’s killing this relationship. I’m not on the dopamine rush I once was with Michelle and Annabelle. (Type either of these names into the Search widget on the Homepage and you can read both their series. Read Michelle Before Annabelle) That was foolish behavior then, but happy just to be with Cherie… but ready for her to leave at any time.”

“I can only imagine what you think of me.”

“I haven’t seen you in a two years, but come on Rebecca, you have cred. We have a little history. We can hang. What are you asking?”

“Look… I’m sorry for all of the flake in the past, but I’m working in the city now. I’m at Penn Medicine. Can we at least hang occasionally?”

I don’t know. Are you up for all of that?”

“Do you still have the hookup at Square 1682?”

“Of course….”

“Can we just meet and chat over life and free chardonnay?”

“Oh course, because we’re getting killed here for drinks right now. I never go anywhere I  have to pay full price for anything.”

“Well I want to sit with you in your favorite bar and be in your life, Chaz.”

“Yea, but we still have tonight. I’m happy to see you.”

Rebecca flipped her hair and grasped my hands. I can smell the sweet faint fragrance of either her perfume or her hair. It’s intoxicating. Her gaze penetrates my soul.

Those emerald eyes.

“Chaz, I need you in my life. You’re so good.”

“I know stuff about life but I just want to go home and watch Netflix. I mean, not now, but that’s what I normally do because I’m so busy with work and I’ve compartmentalized my tiny social life.”

“I get that. Even in the last year I’ve realized what’s important in life. My health, surrounding myself with good friends and family, working to keep a roof over my head, and paying down my damn student loans.”

“That’s pretty much what your whole generation is going through now, but it’s good if you’re starting to see what’s really important in life. I’ve kind of cleared out the detritus in my life over the last few years. I cut off all the crazy women, and recently had to let go of some of the men friends I’ve collected in my life. I like to work as you know, but in order to meet my obligations, I need to work quite a bit. I don’t mind it at all, I love to be busy, but when I’m off from work I need to decompress and do what I want. It’s usually only one day off a week and for right now, that’s all I need.”

“I know, right? I’m usually on the phone all day and dealing with doctors and stressed out with patients, that by Friday I’m just ready to cut loose and go crazy, or collapse on my couch for the weekend!”

“Have you seen anyone romantically?”

I’ve been back for over six months now… I’ve been on some dates. Some longer than others.

“Oh… six months? So you’ve been back awhile.”

“Yea, I’m sorry. I just needed some time…”

That’s weird. She’s been back from South America for over six months and I hear nothing? What the hell? Gotta stay cool. Don’t want to blow this, but it doesn’t make sense.

“So, yea… dating?”

“Yea, and like I said, I’ve been in a few short relationships, but those guys turned out to be assholes. So they’re gone.”

“What happened?”

“The usual, Chaz. Hot guy, seems nice but ends up just being a clumsy oaf.”

“The classic toads every girl kisses before finding her prince in her late twenties.”

“Yea, but what if I kiss all these toads and there’s no prince at the end of the journey? My lips are dry, Charles.”

Most girls in their late twenties after being burned out from empty dating, settle on a guy they think is less worse than all of the other shit they’ve dated previously.”

“Really? Do you know anyone like that?”

“I do. So I know it can happen.”

But I’m only 23! Am I going to have to wait for years to find Mr. Right?”

“Don’t rush it, Rebecca. Let it happen naturally. You can waste your time swiping left and right on a bunch of leftover losers, or simply let love find you. You’re a beautiful young lady. Make good choices and good things will happen.”

Rebecca eyed me skeptically.

I did the same. Am I stepping back into something I don’t really want? I don’t want to be the mentor guy anymore. I can’t let Rebecca’s wiles pull me back into that role. The ear to listen. The shoulder to cry upon. The quiet port in the storm.

“I guess. Anyway I have an early meeting tomorrow morning. Do you mind if we call it a night?”

“Sounds good to me, dear. I sure don’t miss those days of meetings and deadlines anymore.”

“Yea. You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with that shit anymore.”

“Never going back.”

We get the check and Rebecca kicks in half. (Great girl!)

We step out into the dark alley of Ranstead street. We walk up to 20th and Market while she summons and UBER.

“I really appreciate you meeting up with me tonight, Chaz.” She grasps my hands in hers.

“It was my pleasure. It’s always great seeing you, and I’m glad you’re doing well and on the right track.”

A dark sedan pulls up to the curb. “Oh, here’s my UBER. Text me about Square 1682?”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise!”

Rebecca hops up on her tip toes and plants a swift, sticky kiss on my lips.

“Gotta go!” She giggles.

I watch as she gets in the back seat of the car. Her blue dress rides up her thighs and I briefly marvel at her caramel colored, well turned legs. The door shuts and she looks at me for a moment through the window. She gives me a knowing, sly smile and then waves, as the car pulls away from the curb and disappears in traffic down East Market.

She did that on purpose and knows I was checking out her gams.

I begin my walk home. It’s been an interesting night.

My mind still spinning from Rebecca’s sweet kiss.

I’m about a block from my house when I get the text.

“Home safe! Thank you for a wonderful evening. It was sooo good to see you again!”

“You too, dear.”

“Text me about Square! xoxo

 

God, I live a charmed life.

 

Oh shit! I forgot to set up a date with Kita!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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