If Coronavirus Has Separated You From Your Partner, Here’s How To Deal

It’s normal for your emotions to be a mixed bag if the coronavirus is keeping you away from your partner. You might feel annoyed and frustrated because all you want to do is be with them, but social distancing is making that impossible for awhile. Maybe you decided to quarantine with your separate families in different cities, or you’re closeby but quarantining individually after traveling. Along with general anxiety about the pandemic, you might be worried about when you’ll get to see your partner next. And even if you’re lucky enough to be quarantining with a roommate you don’t hate, your best friends from college, or your family, it’s still OK to feel lonely when you’re away from the person you love.

Sami Wunder, an international dating and relationship coach, says that being vulnerable with your partner is key when you’re confronting this pandemic’s emotional strain on your relationship. “To keep the connection strong, remember that being vulnerable is important,” Wunder tells Elite Daily. “Don’t pretend to be happy and upbeat if you’re not feeling that way. Share your truth with your partner.”

Here’s some more advice from Wunder on dealing with the grief of your relationship abruptly becoming long-distance due to the coronavirus outbreak.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up About Your Feelings

recep-bg/E+/Getty Images

Checking in with yourself and your partner about how you two are feeling is important, but so is actually accepting your feelings and not living in denial. No matter if you’re feeling sad, disappointed, helpless, or powerless, Wunder says there’s nothing wrong with feeling however you feel.

“Those suppressed feelings will end up coming out, which won’t be great for your relationship,” she says. “Embrace those feelings and be OK feeling the way you feel. And decide what you want to do with those feelings.”

Talk To Your SO About Your Respective Attitudes

There are two approaches you and your partner can take: One where you allow yourselves to feel sad, and then move on from that sadness together, or one where you mutually chose to stay as positive as you can. “That could be both you and your partner openly speaking about your feelings and agreeing it’s something to face together, and then moving on from that,” Wunder says. “[Or] you can both choose to look on the brighter side. Recognize that you both have devices to stay connected, you can even get innovative with how you are dating each other.”

Get Creative With Technology

Dean Mitchell/E+/Getty Images

“No, you might not be able to have date nights in person,” Wunder says. “But you can enjoy a glass of wine together, have a coffee together, even cook together on Skype.” Now is the perfect time to plan some long-distance dates and see what Netflix Party is all about.

You can also use technology to temper your sexual frustration while the coronavirus outbreak is keeping you two apart. “This is a great time to spice things up, try some hot texting,” Wunder says. “Get things going in the ‘physical’ department.” If you and your partner are both consenting, why not give FaceTime sex a try?

Find Comfort In The Shared Struggle

Along with emotional check-ins and a dirty text or two, Wunder recommends thinking about the global scale of the pandemic as a (surprising) source of comfort. “It’s not personal to you. It’s a challenge that the whole world is going through right now,” she offers. “There is solace to be found in the fact it’s a challenge being faced by millions of couples out there.” As alone as you and your partner might feel, remember you are far from it.

Cherish Your Time Apart

Klaus Vedfelt/DigitalVision/Getty Images

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so take the time apart to focus on your self-care and your own emotional and mental health. Read books. Do something that lifts you up. Stay connected with your friends and family,” Wunder recommends. “Don’t get hyper-focused on your partner.” Attraction, she explains, will be cultivated from both the “closeness” of phone calls and FaceTimes, as well as from your time apart.

Remember This Can Make Your Bond Stronger

Lastly, Wunder suggests taking up the perspective that your relationship can become stronger in the face of social distancing. “When this is all over, you both will have emerged through a few months of not meeting in person,” she says. “If your relationship can survive that, it will certainly be able to survive and weather other storms.” But, she adds, you truly have to believe in this “to feel the comfort of this.”

Being separated from your partner because of the coronavirus outbreak can drum up all sorts of emotions: irritation, powerlessness, grief, all of the above. But let yourself feel what you’re feeling and open up to your partner about it. Because together, you can make a game-plan for how you’ll cope as a couple. Trust that you two can get through it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Sexual Truth or Dare – The Adult Game

Truth or Dare was once a children’s game full of innocence, but today it’s something that’s completely different and used usually to lose all innocence. So what’s the real story behind a grown up game of sexual truth or dare?

Time was when the game Truth or Dare meant finding out who had crushes on whom, or making that annoying neighbor act like a monkey. Today, the game is used regularly for far more serious business, that of seduction and excitement, a game of adult truth or dare.

If you are ever invited to a sleepover at a friend’s place, and after a couple of drinks the game the Truth or Dare is suggested, in all probability it’s been planned.

Not that you mind, do you? But things can go wrong if you’re not forewarned about the full impact of the game as it is played today.

The game is played differently when played with new friends and when played with a close intimate group. But be cautioned if it’s happening after drinks and if there’s a group of guys and girls, because there’s bound to be seductive overtones.

Playing sexual truth or dare

You need to know who’s around you before you either suggest or agree to be a part of the game. If you have to suggest it, make sure you’ve spoken to everybody in the room at least once and do some serious evaluation about the comfort levels of every person before saying “Let’s play Truth or Dare”.

If somebody else suggests it, check to see if you feel the excitement running through you. This is unfamiliar territory. The excitement is caused out of anxiety over the unknown. Are you in a relationship with someone?

Ask yourself, if your partner will be okay if you played this with an outside group. If your partner is in the same room, make eye contact to see if things will be okay. If the signals are green, the rest is easy. Think of the worst you may have to do and remind yourself how far you’ll go, and where you’ll draw the line.

Avoiding embarrassment in the adult game

The worst that can happen is agreeing to play the game and then not going by it. It can kill the evening and it’ll be time for everyone to go home. It’s best to opt out of it by saying that you may need to leave early, so you don’t want to participate.

Tell your friends that you have to take a call and it’ll take a while, later hang by the bar and keep opting out. If you want to, that is. Remember, Truth or Dare ultimately turns out more about the dare than the truth. Few remember the ‘truths’ you may have uttered, unless you’ve touched a chord. But everyone will remember the girl who took her top off.

Getting Lucky

Truth or dare in many circles today is more about making out with someone. And in more cases than one, it’s about making out with someone without too much of a preamble like courting. In most cases the game starts slowly with gentle questions like “bow to the wittiest, kneel to the prettiest and kiss the one you love the best”.

But it doesn’t stay there. Soon you’re showing your underwear, your bra, and doing lap dances. If you really have the intention of ending the party in bed, you need to do a lot more than just plan your questions and dares. You need to plan it well.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

If These 10 Things Happen In Your Relationship, You’re Meant To Be

No couple is perfect, but you two are pretty close.

You’re pretty sure you’ve finally found that right person for you. You know, the one who listens intently while you vent about your grueling day at work and is there to hold you tightly on the couch with your Netflix queue already lined up.

But how can you tell for certain that you’re in a healthy relationship? Luckily, science has some answers. Read up on these research-backed factors that strongly influence whether or not you and your partner are meant to go the distance. Because sometimes, relationship advice doesn’t do the trick.

1. You’re both positive.

Sure, this one might not come as a surprise, but studies show that a positive outlook and a few genuinely exchanged smiles a day can go a long way in keeping a relationship stable. Researchers from the University of Chicago found that when just one partner possesses a high level of positivity, there’s less conflict in the relationship.

“Positive emotions are fundamental to any relationship because they counteract the negative emotions that shut us down,” says Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship. “This translates into feeling more secure with your partner and more trusting.”

And the benefits of seeing the cup half full don’t stop there.

Another study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who celebrated their partners’ achievements — say, a job promotion or killing that 7-minute mile — as if they were their own, experienced greater satisfaction than those who reacted negatively or with indifference. In the study, the couples who had broken up rated their partners’ typical responses to good news as “particularly uninspiring.”

While this isn’t to say you should break out in the Carlton Dance next time your partner offers up some good news, it’s a sure sign that optimism can benefit you both.

2. You keep texting to a minimum.

Between emojis and GIFs, our feelings and emotions are pretty clearly captured sans alphabetical symbols these days. But tread lightly when communicating with your significant other via telecommunication, say researchers from Brigham Young University.

After surveying 276 men and women around age 22 and in committed relationships, they found that heavy texting was to blame for both genders feeling dissatisfied with their relationships.

“Texting is precarious for a lot of people in relationships because it’s hard to flesh out our genuine expressions,” says Dr. Greer. “When one person is less interactive, the expectation is not matched by the reality for the other, and this can lead to disappointment and a feeling of disconnection.”

Similarly, the study found that the men who texted more often reported lower relationship quality than those who didn’t text their partners as frequently, while the women who texted more often reported higher relationship quality. Researchers speculate that as men detach from the relationship, they replace face-to-face convo with increased texting. The ladies, on the other hand, take to their mobile devices to try and make things work.

Bottom line? Hold the phone — literally.

3. You limit social media use.

You love checking your Instagram, Facebook and Twitter feeds — and, chances are, it’s probably also how you read your news. But over-scrolling on social media may be one of the most toxic things you can do for your relationship.

One study in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking found that people who use Facebook more than once a day (ahem, most of us) are more likely to report conflicts in the relationship that inevitably lead to negative outcomes like cheating, breaking up, or getting divorced.

“Romantic relationships can be challenging enough to navigate without these added technological complications,” says Joseph Cilona, Psy.D., Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist. “Finding ways to simplify or minimize potential pitfalls, like limiting what each other shares about your relationship on social media, is a great rule of thumb to follow.”

But good news for your social media mojo if you and your man or lady have been together for over three years: These results only held for couples in the early years of the relationship, which may mean the threat of Facebook coming between you two reduces the longer you stay together.

4. You cuddle.

Most of us admit to loving the feeling of being physically close to another human — it’s a natural, biological response. But when consistent physical intimacy (not just sexual) is a staple of how you both behave in your relationship, it also signals your levels of happiness together.

A study published in The American Journal of Family Therapy surveyed 100 men and 195 women to examine their preferences and attitudes towards romantic physical affection—massaging, caressing, cuddling, holding hands, hugging — and found overwhelmingly that the amount they experienced in their relationship was significantly correlated to their levels of couple satisfaction.

“Cuddling and tenderness help maintain the physical connection and intimacy shared between couples—not just when you’re being sexual,” says Dr. Greer. “As a result, it can be easier to get turned on because there’s always an element of sexual energy being shared through physical touches, therefore leading to a happier relationship overall.”

So next time you’re in the mood to snuggle, remember that science is on your side.

5. You fight instead of holding back your feelings.

While you might get down and out about the latest tiff you had with your boo, one study reports that it may be the all-important glue that winds up keeping your relationship together.

Researchers from Florida State University found that expressing anger when disagreements arise may actually be necessary in resolving problems in the relationship. In fact, that whole saying “forgive and forget” could surprisingly lead to buried feelings of resentment that fester and almost always come up later in the courtship.

“If you learn to argue in a healthy way early on, then you’re more comfortable expressing your emotions to your partner and working through your different points of view,” says Dr. Greer. “This creates a good working framework for handling arguments in a positive way instead of them resurfacing constantly, causing more strain in the relationship.”

So don’t be afraid to put your feelings out there and fight (respectfully, of course) next time you feel passionately for or against something in your relationship.

6. You have regular sex.

If the honeymoon phase has come and gone and the two of you still maintain a consistently hot-and-heavy romp schedule, you’re on the road to relationship bliss. In fact, a study published in the journal Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that having sex at least once a week brings as much happiness to your relationship as making an extra $50,000.

For this study, researchers surveyed more than 30,000 Americans over four decades, and found that having sex just once a week was the frequency most linked to relationship happiness. Surprisingly, couples who had sex more or less frequently were not happier.

“Intimacy is just another type of communication, so if that communication falters, so will your sexual connection in response,” says Dr. Tessina. That being said, your sexual chemistry is not a race to the sack.

“If you’re mutually enjoying more sex, than it will make you both happier, but remember that it comes down to both people wanting to be intimate that often,” adds Dr. Greer.

7. You’re similar.

You know the old saying, “opposites attract”? Well, if you happen to have a lot in common with your partner, it may be a better recipe for attraction.

In fact, a study by researchers from Wellesley College and the University of Kansas found that we’re actually hard-wired to desire “like-minded others.” They were able to reach this conclusion by analyzing pairs or people — from romantic couples to friends and even mere acquaintances — interacting in public. The pairs were asked questions about attitude, values, and prejudice, among other things, and it was found that the longer-term relationship pairs had greater similarities than those who had recently become acquainted.

“If you’re more alike in terms of your personalities, you’re sharing similar styles of dealing with a variety of things in life — from interacting with friends to experiencing life changes,” says Dr. Greer. “So if you and your partner share similar values and interests, you’ll wind up with more cooperative spirits and having a greater respect for one another.”

8. Your spending habits differ.

You’re certainly not alone if you find that the majority of the arguments you have as a couple are sparked by personal (or combined) finances. In fact, a Money Magazine poll found that a whopping 70 percent of couples argue about finances the most — more than household chores, togetherness, sex, snoring, and so on.

But if the two of you have stark differences in the way in which you prefer to spend — AKA one of you is a spendthrift and the other is a tightwad (yes, that’s an actual term) — you just might be perfect for each other. The proof is in one study by the Universities of Pennsylvania, Michigan and Northwestern. Researchers surveyed over 1,000 married and unmarried couples, and found that most individuals tend to choose their spending opposite when it comes to selecting a lifelong partner.

So if that sounds like you and yours, you just may have the perfect yin-and-yang combo to make things work. “Just remember to prioritize the big-spending opportunities like buying a car, house, etc,” reminds Dr. Greer.

9. You laugh at the same jokes.

If you and your sweetie both know how to appreciate a raunchy comedy routine, love anything with Will Ferrell, or both equally detest either of those two scenarios, you’re a match made in heaven, says science.

A study published in the Western Journal of Communication found that 75 percent of happy couples laugh together at least once a day. Even more interesting, another study reported in the same journal found that 92 percent of married men and women credited humor as a factor that made a significant contribution to their married life.

“Laughing at and appreciating the same comedy is the emotional oil to grease the wheels of a relationship to keep it moving forward,” says Dr. Greer. “It gives each of you the resilience you need to laugh off the petty and irrelevant things that naturally build up in life and offers more chances to bond intimately on a regular basis.”

10. You both love to booze it up… or not at all.

We’ve all seen it at one point in our lives — the couple scenario where one person is totally sober and the other is a giant, falling-all-over-the-place mess. There’s a good reason why those unmatched levels of drunkenness or sobriety don’t wind up working out in the end.

In a study published in the Journal of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, scientists reviewed data collected from nearly 20,000 married couples, and found that the spouses who consumed relatively the same amount of alcohol were less likely to divorce than pairs where one person drank more heavily or significantly lighter than the other spouse.

“I’ve seen many couples split when one of the pair of drinkers got sober,” says Dr. Tessina. “Alcohol alters a heavy drinker’s experiences and perceptions, so couples who drink heavily together naturally have similar ways of living, as do couples who don’t drink much at all.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cassie – Chapter 4 – Saturday Night Special

The doors finally open on one of the elevators and like lemmings we all sausage into the space.

Cassie is so curious and wondering what’s happening after sitting in a noisy Irish tap room for an hour. “What is this new, mysterious place Charles has taken me to?”

Ten years ago I was with a friend, and it was Center City Sips.

Center City Sips is a nightmarish program that the city has come up with to extend the bar/restaurant week out in Philly.

They figured if the offered $3 beers, $5 wines, and  $6 cocktails, ever Wednesday from spring through fall they could extend out the week and keep business going in the summer when it’s slow here in Philly.

What they created was a night when young people with little money came out and drink their faces off on every Wednesday at most of the best mainstream spots in the city.

The industry people hate it, because they’re over run by young drunk people that don’t tip properly and they only make money on pure volume.

But the sad point is, if the bar/restaurant doesn’t participate in this shit show, they can’t be a member of restaurant week, which is another shit show of losers being able to come to their restaurant and get a three course meal for $35.

Its all been created by idiots to think they’ll generate more income for their bars and restaurants during the slow season, but the staff lose money and hate it all.

I get it, and have done my best to deflect from these places during the season when I can.

Which leads me to R2L.

I was with a co-worker of mine and we wanted to go out and blow off some steam when we worked for a major news company in the city. I told him everywhere was a shit show, and he asked if I knew of any place that we could go and drink to get away from all of the drunken youth.

I took him to R2L

“Why do you know about this amazing place and you never told me?”

R2L is a premier spot that has such a great view that it’ll blow the doors off whoever you’re with guaranteed, if they’ve never been there.

The view of all of west and south Philly is glorious. The bar is dark and posh, the entire place quietly screams discretionary hook up.

Not for me tonight because I don’t roll that way, but let’s lay the ground work for the future.

Cassie is captivated by the place immediately.

Of course… I’m the master of cool dating spots.

“Oh my god! This place is awesome, Charles!”

Baby heads to the bathroom and quickly returns.

The bartender asks what we’d like to drink. I tell her just to get me a Manhattan. Cass tells me she wants the same.

Impressive.

I tell her I need to stop and use the facilities.

(A couple of Victory Summer Love beers get the middle-aged bladder going.)

I get back and see my drink. It’s perfect.

Things are going well tonight. I ask her about my Manhattan.

“Bulliett Rye with a brandied berry up.”

“Oh my God. That’s my go to. You too, Cass?”

“Yep.”

Our glasses clink and we sup. I really like this girl.

But let me just step back here. Cassie seems really nice. Cassie seems really fun. But Cassie still stinks of damaged goods. (sorry)

She mentioned at Bonner’s how the last time she was back in L.A. she saw her emotional and physically abusive ex and spent time with him.

Red Flags are burning the sky at this point. I look to the the heavens and all I see is red flags.

I could have fun with this flight attendant but there’s some serious mileage on this sports car.

Cassie drives through her first Manhattan with great vigor. This is a party girl. She’s 31 in her profile at the salon but look much older, which could be booze and coke mileage on this sweet lady.

I don’t care, and I’m happy to be with her today on my loser day off.

We have some truffle flatbreads and another round of Manahattans R2L which I know will cost us a small fortune. That’s the singular reason I never go there anymore. That, and the mediocre food.

Cass is supposed to meet some girlfriends at 7:30 and I’m ready to be done. All good, but I just cant do long sessions with anyone anymore except my friend James from the talent agency. I could hang with him for a week anywhere in the world. Because he’s an interesting guy.

We call for the bill. It’s like $98 of nightmare. That never happens in my life anymore. I never see a bill over $30 because of my influence.

The beauty of this moment is Cassie whips out her credit card and pays half.

I know I have been writing this damn blog for over three and a half years and you all know me. I got killed on so many dinner bills with so many women, I was never able to connect with, it made me feel so empty.

Cassie kicked in and it just felt healthy, fun, and right.

We close out and head to the elevator. We ride it back to earth and are both feeling the glow of a great afternoon.

We step outside and are standing under the awning with several other guests.

An insane rainstorm begins.

I heard it may rain, but not the insane, bullet droplets, complete wash off the city deluge, that’s crushing everyone.

We’re huddled under the over hang with other people that are clearly already soaked. Cass is trying to get an Uber. She has to meet up with her girlfriends!

Cassie doesn’t know the city, so when she calls her UBER, she has know idea where he is especially in the rain.

“I’m not from here. I don’t know where that is.”

Looks at me in panic.

“Give me your phone.”

Me: “Hey man. What do you see? H&M? Okay. Turn your flashers on. We’ll come to you.”

I grab her hand. “Come with me.”

It’s pouring raining. I’m navigating my girl to her Uber on her phone. I lead her through the soaking rain, and puddles at 16th and Chestnut as a complete stranger. A girl I just met.

We arrive at the car. The driver smiles at me. I hang up on her phone. I look at her and tell her that I’m dropping her somewhat wet phone in her bag to protect it.

It’s pouring.

I expected nothing.

I yanked the passenger door of the Nissan Maxima open to place my lady inside.

Cassie grasps me before she gets in the car and kisses me on the lips.

Off her car goes, and the rain intensifies. I scamper to a Septa bus stop for shelter.

The rain kills the city with it’s intensity. I’ll just stand here until it lets up.

Maybe I can go to Marathon bar and grill and beg for a lost umbrella.

I don’t really care. I actually had an awesome day off that turned into a sweet date.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly