California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Jennifer – Stay Sober

I started flirting with this one girl at a bar in Santa Monica. Eventually I got her number. A week or so goes by and I call her. She asks me to be her date at a super bowl party. I’m not really into sports but it sounded fun to me so I thought, why not?

She said the party was at 5:00pm but she wanted to come over around 3:30pm even though it was a ten minute ride there. I totally figured she wanted to hook up first so I totally prepared myself for that. She shows up, I invite her in and I ask, “how long before we have to leave?” she says it already started so we have to leave now. I thought that was weird but I got in my van and drove there with blue balls the whole way.

It was at a restaurant she worked at and it was an employees and dates party. When we get there it pretty much hasn’t started. Big surprise. We talk for about an hour and get to know each other, but it’s painful because she’s so shy. It was open bar but she doesn’t drink so I resisted the temptation.

Eventually her co-workers come and I meet them. She told me one of them was an ex. It didn’t really bother me. They seemed like good guys. A little on the scummy side though. They all looked like shaggy from Scooby-Doo. They’re all about 22 and have a kid or two and have low-income jobs.

Eventually they convince her to drink. One sip becomes a whole drink and one drink becomes three. (Here we go)

She’s really drunk but still being kinda flirty. I didn’t drink anything and played it on the safe side because I was driving. The plan was to leave halfway through and go to a house party. So I drive her and her coworkers there. What a horrible idea. It’s down in Mar Vista. We get there and it’s one of the shittiest places I’ve ever seen. There was a 75-year-old man reading Hustler instead of watching the super bowl. There was kids running around while people were doing various drugs and talking about selling drugs along with pregnant women drinking.

A little uncomfortable but fuck it. We all play a drinking game and then then Jennifer gets up to go to the bathroom down the hall. About three minutes later, two of the co-workers go down the hall to the porch to smoke. About ten minutes goes by and her ex gets up to go see if the bathroom’s open. He comes back and lays this on me:

“Uhh…. Jen is getting fucked by both those guys right now. Don’t go in the bathroom”.

I was absolutely stunned. I had no idea what to do. I sat there and just watched the super bowl. Minutes later she comes out literally pulling her pants up. She completely ignores me and continues playing. Five minutes go by and she goes to smoke weed with another guy. One guy goes to check and comes back to let me know…

“Yeah, sorry man she’s fucking him now too”.

The guys at the table start saying how nice a guy I am, and that it sucks that I’m her date and she’s fucked three guys. Then they start getting weird. They start whispering about me and pointing at me. I wasn’t entirely sure whether I was going to get my ass kicked. Jen comes back and I tell her we’re leaving in five minutes. One guy at the table stops me and says, “Wait! She’s already fucked Tim, Bill, and Mark, I figured me and Mike could have a go and you can have her the rest of the night!”

What the fuck? I left immediately with her. Unfortunately her car’s at my place. She kept saying the whole car ride that she hates it when this happens, and this is why she doesn’t drink.

I took the long way home because I knew she was drunk. She tried to prove she wasn’t by slapping herself and then saying “I’m not drunk, I see the three yellow lines in the road. I know there’s only two but that’s how I know I’m sober.

Right.

I tell her to stay for an hour knowing I could prolong it so she can sober up. She throws a hissy fit that she has to leave now and her parents are probably looking for her. She says she has to drive home immediately. She apologizes and leaves, saying she’ll see me soon.

Jennifer had sex with three guys on our first date and given the opportunity would have probably made it six.

I never spoke to her again.

 

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Author: phicklephilly

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