7 Reasons You Feel ‘Stuck’ After Your Divorce

Knowing why you feel stuck will help you figure out how to move on.

Divorce is heartbreaking and painful; you have to deal with your marriage being over, financial and home life changes, and not to mention the strain of getting the divorce.

You may have struggled to try and save your marriage as well, and are feeling “stuck” or fighting loneliness and don’t know how to practice good post-divorce care.

In other words, you have no idea how to move on after divorce. But don’t worry — this is common, and you’re not alone.

Nobody wants to admit that they get stuck along the way in dealing with divorce. It would be like admitting to yet another shortcoming.

“My marriage failed and I can’t get over it!” Making a statement like that for many people would be tantamount to taking out an ad on Facebook saying “I’m a loser.”

But the truth is that everyone gets stuck somewhere along the way dealing with divorce.

Feeling stuck at least once is normal because learning how to get over divorce isn’t a required course before getting married.

Besides that, it doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read, how many times you’ve talked it over with your divorced friends, or even how many celebrity divorces you’ve followed, you’re going to get stuck. (Yes, this is true even if you’ve been divorced before because every divorce is unique.)

You don’t know what it will take for you to get over your divorce until you’re done dealing with it.

However, in all my years working with people dealing with divorce and going through my own divorce I’ve found the most common reasons people get stuck.

By knowing these reasons, you’ll be better able to identify then when you start to get too mired in your misery. And when you know exactly what’s tripping you up you’ll have an easier time finding the specific help you need to continue dealing with your divorce instead of staying stuck.

Here are 7 reasons you feel “stuck” after your divorce and how to move on:

1. You’re grieving

Many people get trapped in lamenting what they’ve lost. This includes the hopes and dreams of what their marriage meant to them. It also includes more tangible things like the house and the 401K.

And it includes the relationships that are lost.

2. You feel like a victim

When you get ensnared with feeling powerless you’re about as stuck as you can get. Feeling like a victim also shows up as needing to assign blame — either to yourself or to your ex.

Anytime you relinquish your power to change your life, you’re giving up and dealing with divorce becomes impossible at that point.

3. You’re angry

Anger, fury, and rage are a normal part of the divorce process. However, you can get imprisoned in these emotions because they feel so powerful and righteous.

The trick to using these strong feelings to help you deal with divorce positively is being willing to look underneath them. When you do, you might discover another layer of hurt that needs healing.

4. You feel worthless

Most people experience feelings of being unwanted and worthless when they divorce. And it makes sense to do so! After all, if the one person who said they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you is content to toss you out with the trash, then what else are you supposed to think?

But the truth is that divorce does nothing to define your value.

5. You’re afraid

This is a biggie! Fear is the driving force for people staying stuck in all kinds of situations besides dealing with divorce.

If you can remember that fears usually fall into one of three categories (fear of loss, fear of dealing with divorce, fear of the future), then you’ll be better able to deal with each of your fears.

6. You’re unwilling to explore love

It might sound funny, but many people who are otherwise successfully dealing with divorce get stuck in a belief that there’s no such thing as love for them or that they now have to have rules about how they will experience love.

However, the failure of your marriage has nothing to do with your ability to experience love in the future.

7. You’re feeling lonely

The loss of so many relationships surprises most people who are dealing with divorce. But on top of those losses comes the feeling that no one else really understands (or maybe doesn’t want to try to understand) what you’re going through.

Divorce is a horribly isolating experience. And the only way to make it through without getting stuck in the loneliness is to find a support system.

These seven reasons people get stuck dealing with divorce are broad and you might not see exactly what you’re facing in this list. However, keep in mind that these are general categories of problems people face when they’re going through divorce and, if you look carefully, you’ll find a hint for the help you need to get through the specific challenge you’re facing.

And the best part is that by knowing how you’re getting stuck, you’ll be better able to move through it so you won’t stay stalled for too long. Just remember that everyone gets stuck as they’re dealing with divorce, but with this cheat sheet you will find your way through your healing much more quickly.

 

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 2

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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21 Icebreakers That’ll Make Your Zoom Happy Hours The Highlight Of Your Day

With social distancing guidelines in full effect, all of your favorite social activities may have shifted to online. This includes movie nights, romantic dinners, and even happy hours. And while for some people, this may have taken away some of the anxieties that IRL interactions cause, for others, it’s done the opposite. If you’re someone who dreads trying to make conversations in virtual social settings like Zoom happy hours, some big icebreakers could really help. Just remember that everyone is collectively dealing with the stresses of the coronavirus pandemic, and that you’re probably not the only one who’s feeling a little nervous.

Icebreakers are a great way to start conversations and get yourself and everyone else comfortable. Though social distancing has been going on for a while now, people may still not be used to having interactions solely through virtual settings. It can feel a little awkward talking to coworkers from your bedroom. This is where icebreakers can come in and eliminate any discomfort. You’ll get to relax a bit all while learning a little more about the people you’re working with.

Here are a few icebreakers you can use in your next Zoom happy hour to make everyone (including yourself) feel a little more at ease.

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1. Check Ins

Checking in with how everyone is doing is a good way to break the ice in Zoom happy hours.
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Because everyone is dealing with the anxieties and stresses that coronavirus may be causing, it can be a good idea to start off a virtual happy hour with a check in. Gauge how everyone is doing. See how everyone may be dealing with social distancing and even ask for or offer advice on how to keep busy and stay calm while this plays out.

2. Virtual Room Tours

The cool thing about having a virtual happy hour is that everyone is probably in their own respective bedrooms or living areas. This can be a great opportunity for an icebreaker. Give a virtual tour of the room you’re calling from or at least point out something fascinating or unique you might have in your room. Whether it’s a poster behind you, a souvenir from another country, or that stuffed teddy bear you’ve had since you were two, it can put you at ease to share something about your space with others.

3. Two Truths And A Lie

Two Truths and a Lie is like the go-to for a lot of icebreakers, and talking through Zoom doesn’t change that. This simple yet entertaining game will not only help you and everyone else to learn more about each other, but it’ll also let you assess each other’s ability to tell a lie. Plus, you’ll be debating together in no time, making it a super easy environment to relax in.

4. Social Distancing Bingo

If you’ve seen the Instagram social distancing Bingo going around, you can set yourself up for another great icebreaker. No, you don’t have to break out a Bingo board, but you can assess whose done what activity on the board by having people raise their hands. Has anyone else slept in past noon? Baked for fun? Binged an entire season in a day? Bingo!

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5. I Spy

I Spy can be a fun icebreaker when everyone is participating in the Zoom happy hour from their bedroom.
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I Spy is not just for children. Because you can use Gallery View on Zoom that allows you to see everyone’s video window at once, a game of I Spy can be really entertaining for everyone involved. If someone has a blue hat in the background or a huge, colorful tapestry, you can try and get others to guess at it. This’ll get everyone playing and let you take a good look around everyone’s backdrop.

6. Netflix Series You’re Currently Binging

Admit it, we’re all binging a Netflix series right now. (I’m on my fifth rewatch of New Girl). A really interesting yet simple icebreaker could be to ask everyone in the video call to say which series they’re watching. You’ll get to connect with other people based off of mutual taste in shows, and you’ll probably get a few great suggestions for your next show to watch.

7. Favorite ‘Tiger King’ Character

Speaking of Netflix, Tiger King is a great way to break the ice at a happy hour. Ask each person who their favorite character is and why, and watch your virtual chat room explode into debate and intrigue. You’ll get to discuss one of the best shows to come out of Netflix all while learning about everyone’s point of views.

8. First Trip Once All Of This Is Over

A great icebreaker that can get everyone in a slightly happier mood is asking everyone what they want their first trip to be once everything returns to normal in regard to the pandemic. Has someone been itching to go to Italy? Mexico? Maybe Dubai? Discuss your future travel plans and learn a little more about the people you’re virtually drinking with.

9. Hidden Talents

Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Wiggle your ears without touching them? Showing off your totally weird but still very impressive hidden talents can be a wonderful icebreaker that’ll not only make your coworkers laugh, but inspire them to show off theirs. Just remember to keep it office-friendly.

10. Self-Care Routine

Having perfect morning. Dark-skinned woman having perfect morning while drinking coffee lying in bath
Shutterstock

It’s super important to take care of yourself, especially during these unpredictable times. If you have any special practices or routines you use to pamper yourself, or just make yourself feel good, now’s the time to share that. You might even get some more inspiration from your coworkers.

11. How Many People You’re Quarantining With

If you’re like me, you have a huge family you’re quarantining with (eight!). This could be a really fun fact to share with coworkers during a Zoom happy hour. Share who you’re quarantining with, what it’s been like, and how you’ve been handling it.

12. Good Books You’re Reading

Aside from binging on shows, you’ve probably burned through a couple of really good books. Sharing what you like to read is a great icebreaker for people you work with. You can understand people’s favorite genres, what literature they like, and also topic they’re interested in.

13. Habits You’ve Picked Up In Quarantine

With so much time on your hands, it’s likely that you’ve picked up a fun, quirky, or even educational habit. I’ve started listening to podcasts in the morning again. If you’ve added something to your daily routine, share it with people in your Zoom call. You can see what people are doing at home to spend the time.

14. Bets On When Quarantine Will End

I’ve been debating with my friends since quarantine started about how long it will last. Because the news is always changing, it’s super hard to tell. Start a friendly wager or just poll the room to see when people think quarantines will be over.

15. Things You’ve Baked

Woman decorating chocolate cake in the kitchen. Female chef making a cake at home.
Shutterstock

People have been taking up baking in quarantine. If this includes you, it could be a fun icebreaker to talk about what you’ve been baking and what everyone else has been baking. If something sounds good, you can even ask for a recipe.

16. Your Go-To Lounge Wear

While my home-attire-of-choice is an old, oversized t-shirt and any pajamas I can find around the house, you might be someone who has specific outfits you’re wearing everyday. Are you dressing up at home to get in a busy mindset? Or are you kicking it in boy shorts? See what everyone wears to work from home.

17. New Music You’ve Discovered

You’ve probably come across some new music while in quarantine. Talk about any music or artists you’ve discovered. Is there an album you’re stuck on? Share it! You might get some awesome new music suggestions from others, as well.

18. Pet Peeves You’ve Discovered In Quarantine

It can be super stressful to be quarantined with someone for so long. It can even make you realize you have some pet peeves you never thought about before. Do you hate people who chew loudly? Talk about it to break the ice.

19. New Sleep Schedule

Some people in my family have been sleeping in as late as 5 p.m. and waking up way past noon. Is your sleep schedule all over the place? This is a topic of conversation that can serve as a great icebreaker because you’ll get different answers across the board.

20. Your Go-To Quarantine Snack

Rear View Of A Young Woman Taking Food To Eat From Refrigerator
Shutterstock

Is there a snack that you’ve been munching on everyday of quarantine? If there is, poll the video chat to see who else may have one. Everyone has probably been eating more than usual in quarantine so you might as well get some inspiration for snacks.

21. What TikToks Have You Made?

A lot of people are taking part in TikTok challenges or just creating TikTok accounts of their own. If this is something you’e done and think others have done as well, bring it up as an icebreaker. Maybe there are TikToks that your coworkers haven’t done yet but totally want to try.

 

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Philly Coronavirus News: Thousands Violate Stay-at-Home Order to Watch Dirt-Stupid Fighter Jet Flyover

Plus, Phillies season could open in June at Citizens Bank Park and takeout cocktails may be coming soon.

You want to know how to basically guarantee that lots and lots of people will violate the coronavirus stay-at-home order? It’s really very simple. You just organize a flyover featuring some of the most impressive fighter jets in the world.

On Tuesday afternoon, thousands of Philadelphians took to the streets, parks and local landmarks in clear violation of the stay-at-home order to see the Blue Angels-Thunderbirds joint flyover of the city. From Penn Treaty Park along the Delaware River to the Art Museum steps to the Chili’s parking lot on City Avenue in Bala Cynwyd, crowds gathered to witness the spectacle.

The flyover (seen in this video as the jets flew by the Philly skyline; video courtesy Brittany Tsoflias) was a lovely gesture, intended to pay tribute to the first-responders and medical workers who are sacrificing so much to get us through the coronavirus crisis. But when you want people to stay at home — and officials did tell people to stay at home for the flyover — maybe having a once-in-a-lifetime type of event that is best witnessed from wide open areas (as opposed to your little front stoop) is not the way to go.

Just a thought.

(P.S.: I’ve seen more than a few such flyovers, and this one wasn’t even very good.)

Phillies Season Could Open In June at Citizens Bank Park

The Phillies were supposed to play their home opener on April 2nd at Citizens Bank Park. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

But according to various reports, the Phillies might still get to play at Citizens Bank Park this year. Major League Baseball is reportedly considering a plan that would allow teams to play in empty stadiums. The kickoff for this, if it all comes together, would be sometime between mid-June and the 4th of July.

No word on who the Phillies Phanatic will run around and try to annoy if the stadium is empty.

Takeout Cocktails May Be Coming Soon Amid Coronavirus Shutdown

It is illegal for bars and restaurants to sell takeout booze. But it looks like that is about to change, thanks to a bill that is making its way through Harrisburg and expected to pass into law any day.

Bars that already had the required permit to sell takeout beer and wine have been allowed to do so since the shutdown began. But this would let them sell you a gin and tonic, Long Island iced tea, daiquiri — whatever!

Alas, you probably won’t be able to walk down Walnut Street with a martini in your hand this time next year. The bill specifically says that this would only be temporary. So keep that flask handy.

Pennsylvania Golf Courses Can Reopen This Friday

Apparently, golf courses have been closed all this time. I didn’t realize this, because I drive by a Philly golf course almost every day, and every time I do, there are golfers there doing their golfing thing in their silly golfing clothes.

Huh.

Anyway, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has announced that he’s allowing golf courses to legally open starting this Friday, part of his plan to slowly reopen the state. He’s also allowing marinas, privately owned campgrounds, and guided fishing trips to resume business on Friday.

Enjoy!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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16 Signs You’re an Insufferable Attention Seeker

Are you or a friend turning into an attention whore? Use these 16 surefire signs to know if you’re craving for attention in all the wrong ways!

There’s an attention whore in all of us.

But in almost all of us, it’s just a small part of who we are.

Most of us can live without extensive attention from the world, and we can get along just fine as long as we have a few friends we can rely on.

But there are a few others who completely need the attention of everyone in the world, every ear they can possibly scream into.

Welcome to the world of the attention whores!

Who is an attention whore?

Before we go any further, let’s make sure we’re on the same page.

So who is an attention whore, and what does it really mean?

Do you have a friend who sticks up a new self portrait with her boobs almost sticking out *unintentionally, of course* on a social site like facebook or tumblr every now and then, and posts ridiculous things like “Hit like if you think I’m sexy” or “OMG, I look so friggin’ ugly!”

And then this friend waits a while until all other friends start giving her attention online and telling her she’s really pretty and sexy or that she doesn’t have to change a thing?

Or have you come across outlandish posts in social networks where a person says something ludicrous like “I’ll slash my hand if I don’t get 1000 likes, I swear!”

Well, ladies and gents, that’s the attention whore, and truth be told, that is the extreme side of attention whores.

There are other milder kinds of attention whores too. And there’s a huge chance that you know one of them already.

Types of attention whores

All of us know of at least one attention whore, be it the mild or the blatant kind. If you don’t know even one attention whore in your group of friends, *shudder* you’re probably that annoying attention seeker and don’t even realize it!

There are two kinds of attention whores, the one who really needs attention because they’re lonely. And the second kind, the ones who just need attention.

The first kind is borderline acceptable. I mean, they’re lonely and want friends. And since they’re incapable of social etiquette, they rely on threats to hold on to friends and meet new friends.

It’s the second kind that’s a pain in the rear, the kind who is whoring for attention because they thrive in it. They constantly want the world to revolve around them.

Why is it wrong to be an attention whore?

If you’re someone who loves attention and thinks no harm can ever come off it, well, you’d obviously wonder what’s wrong with it. But in reality, being a desperate attention whore can do more damage than good to you.

Unless you’re earning money off your attention seeking ways on a reality show, it won’t help you in any way. Your attention whoring ways will leave you feeling insecure, make your friends hate you, and eventually, no one will even trust you or even care for you.

Being an attention whore, you’d hurt too many friends that truly care, because you’d never really be close to any of your friends. Without realizing it, you’d find yourself using your trustworthy friends and disposing of them when you don’t need them in your life. You pretend like everyone is your best friend, and just to win over a new friend, you usually ignore an older friend who stood by you when you had no friends or support.

You’d hurt and piss off too many innocent and loving friends along the way, and eventually hurt yourself because the only people who’d stick to you would be other attention seekers who think just like you, and display fake affection to win people over, just like you.

And even if you do realize you’re wrong eventually and try to go back to your true friends who put up with you each time you treated them like trash, it may be too late because they probably don’t trust you anymore.

16 signs you’re an attention whore

Attention whoring is a way of life. Even if you are one, you may never realize it and you may assume everyone else is jealous of you because you’re getting the attention of the world and you’re so popular.

But if you find yourself losing a lot of old friends too fast, and if you feel hurt when someone you meet for the first time doesn’t like you, ask yourself if you’re relying too much on the image you’re portraying to the world and less on who you really are, to define yourself.

The ego of an attention whore is huge, and also extremely fragile. And especially with the advent of social sites, the urge to become famous could cloud your rational judgment, and the fear of losing all those facebook friends could scare you to death.

So do you want to find out if you’re an attention whore? Use these 16 signs to find out if your mind is already stepping into the glamorous and fickle world of attention whoring.

#1 Status updates. You frequently add vague status updates on facebook, knowing fully well that most of your friends won’t know what you mean or what you’re trying to say. And yet you pretend like it wasn’t meant for everyone, or worse, you wait until loads of people start asking you what you meant before you explain yourself.

#2 Problem solving. You intentionally flaunt your problems and issues to everyone, be it scars or love triangles. You share your issues with online friends you barely know even though you can’t get any real help there.

You love playing the victim and you shamelessly crave for sympathy. But really, if you truly want to feel any better, talk to a good friend over phone or in person. Flaunting your heartbreaks or scars online or in public won’t get you anything more than stares.

#3 Your new look. You upload new photos on facebook all the time, letting people know every single thing you’re doing, including hanging out in the toilet!

#4 The wannabe braggart. You brag about something when it’s not really such a big deal. I’m an emo chick… I’m a metal chick… I’m a gaming chick… Wow, really? The world doesn’t give a rat’s rear end, you know?

#5 The group photo. You don’t realize it, but you always claw your way to stand in front of the group every time someone tries to take a picture of the group.

#6 The sore loser. You just can’t accept it if a guy hits on your friend instead of you when the two of you go out. You think the guy’s a loser, because you’re so much better, and it’s his loss he can’t see that!

#7 VIP treatment. You want all the attention when you go to a new place. If your friends get more attention that you, you think the place sucks. But if the manager or the chef speaks a lot more to you, you fall in love with the place even if the food sucks.

#8 The real life. Even if it’s your best friend’s birthday and all of you are dining out or having a party, you try your best to be the life of the party and hog the attention with your antics. And even if someone brings this to your attention, you get angry *because you’re only trying to ensure that everyone has a good time*.

#9 You’re nice to everyone. Not because you love all people or you’re a politician, but because you want everyone you meet to love you and crave your attention! You go out of your way to be really nice to people you meet for the first time, and end up taking all the good friends who know you for granted.

#10 The temperamental you. Your mood swings change constantly. You could be in a heated argument with your best friend or your sister, but if a new friends walks past you or calls you over the phone, you can change your attitude almost instantly and become really nice while talking to them.

#11 The center of the world. You feel really miserable if you aren’t the center of attention with your friends. And if two friends of yours make secret plans about something without telling you about it, you feel deeply hurt.

#12 You’re important. Your problems and moments of happiness should be shared by all your friends. If you break up or get into a new relationship, all your friends have to feel your pleasure or pain, or you believe they’re terrible friends.

#13 You white lie. You make up stories about boyfriends, vacations or shopping sprees every now and then just to look cooler than everyone else. You constantly have the urge to feel superior to all your friends. [

#14 Fishing for compliments. You need others to tell you that you look good to actually feel good about yourself. You work out, strap on a revealing dress or dab yourself with makeup, click a picture and post it on facebook with the line, “Gawd, I look so ugly in this pic…”

#15 The unwanted attention. You talk about all the guys that give you so much attention, and how you so totally hate it. But surprisingly, you don’t ignore those guys either.

#16 You ignore your friends. You ignore someone who really likes you all the time, be it a friend or a crush that’s actually really nice. And when no one’s around to keep you company or when you feel bored and alone, you call these friends and try to win back their attention.

Being an attention whore could give you a lot of happiness, but you need to remember that this burst of happiness is only momentary for as long as the fifteen minutes of fame lasts.

Do you think you have a friend who’s an attention whore? Or do you think you have an attention whore in you? These 16 signs will definitely draw out the people pleaser in you, and help you change yourself for the better.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Social Distancing’s Definition & How To Practice It, Explained By A Doctor

Across the globe, communities are shutting down with one goal: stop the spread of coronavirus. According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), the coronavirus spreads through close contact (defined as within six feet) with infected folks; if you eliminate that close contact through social distancing, you slow the spread of the virus, and you give hospitals enough room to actually tend to people who are sick. Yes, this does mean a lot more time at home with your roommate who refuses to do her dishes (or won’t shut up about Love Is Blind), but it also means protecting the vulnerable people in your neighborhood.

The CDC recommends social distancing as a way to mitigate the spread of COVID-19, now that the virus is circulating within communities. Previously, when the virus was being brought in by travelers, testing and isolating those travelers was thought to help contain it. Now, the best way to limit the damage done by coronavirus, public health experts suggest, is by canceling events and staying home as much as we can.

Still, since none of us have been through a pandemic of this scale before, there’s a lot of questions about what social distancing actually means for you, personally, like today.

What Is Social Distancing During The Coronavirus Outbreak?

Dr. Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD, MPH, WebMD’s Senior Medical Director, tells Bustle that “anything that you as an individual or the community is doing to limit the spread of an infectious disease” counts as social distancing. Depending on the size and density of your community, that could mean encouraging people to work from home, postponing large gatherings and celebrations, closing nonessential businesses, or even closing essential ones like schools. Per the CDC, social distancing means “remaining out of congregate settings [crowded public places], avoiding mass gatherings, and maintaining distance (approximately six feet or two meters) from others when possible.”

If that sounds maddeningly vague, it’s because implementing social distancing can look different in different communities, and depending on your individual needs. “The idea is to limit your movement outside with other people to what’s truly essential,” Cassoobhoy says. “If you need to go to work, then go to work. If your school’s open, go to school. If you want to exercise, get your grocery shopping done, keep doing all of that — just be very cognizant of doing things efficiently.” She says that can mean doing your grocery shopping at an off time, or doing two weeks’ worth of shopping all at once instead of going to the store every few days.

How Social Distancing Affects The Spread Of Coronavirus

Limiting your social interactions to what’s truly essential means reducing the opportunities the virus has to jump from person to person. Around 20% of coronavirus cases will require hospitalization, per The New York Times. Social distancing helps slow the transmission of the virus, meaning those who will need hospitalization don’t overwhelm our (already fragile) health-care system by flooding in all at once. If you’ve seen that “flatten the curve” chart going around the last couple days, that’s the basic principle; social distancing can lower the burden on hospitals, so that medical professionals can deal with fewer cases at once.

“You’re going to slow the spread of an infection and [have] more time to prepare to fight the infection,” Cassoobhoy says.

What’s The Difference Between Social Distancing, Isolation, & Quarantine?

It’s amazing that people are taking their social distancing measures seriously, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the same as isolation or quarantine — aka, you don’t have to behave as if you’ve been exposed to coronavirus yourself.

“Isolation is the term generally used when someone is actually sick,” Cassoobhoy says. “That person would stay in their space, and other people would help by bringing in supplies from the outside world … but that would be the limit of people that the person’s interacting with. Quarantine is for people who have a known exposure or one degree off, depending on what public health officials say.” Quarantine is typically a precautionary measure to see if the exposed person does develop symptoms, not necessarily that they’re sick. “Those people need to stay home and get help from others to get their supplies in and out.”

Claire*, 36, is isolating herself while she waits for the results of a coronavirus test, having shown symptoms for a week. “I’m staying connected from afar and not going too stir-crazy by reaching out to friends and talking on the phone instead of texting and checking in on elderly friends to make sure they have supplies.” She also has been syncing up watching her favorite TV shows with her friends to stay social.

In a social distancing situation, it’s OK to go out and conduct essential business like getting groceries — but again, being mindful of limiting that exposure and maintaining good hygiene is paramount.

Can You Visit Family Or See Friends During The Coronavirus Outbreak?

One of the more serious questions people have about social distancing during the coronavirus outbreak is whether it’s safe to visit family, especially older relatives, or friends during the outbreak. Again, the answer is highly variable.

“It’s going to depend from person to person, according to [their] health and their parents’,” Cassoobhoy says, as well as what’s happening in your community. “If your community hasn’t had cases and there isn’t strict guidance from the public health department then, sure, go visit your mom and hang out, but keep up the usual hand-washing techniques.”

Cassoobhoy adds that keeping a six-foot distance is wise to avoid close contact. “Maybe stop the hugging and the kissing and focus on other ways of showing love or communicating.” For relatives who are at a higher risk of illness, whether that’s due to being over age 60 or dealing with a chronic condition, it may be wise to check in on them via FaceTime.

In terms of visiting friends, it really depends on your definition of “essential” movement. “We’re not talking about removing ourselves from social interaction,” Cassoobhoy says. But if you can call a friend instead of taking public transportation cross-town to their house, that’s probably the move here. “If you were supposed to go to a book club, try doing it online so that you still have that connection with others and you can see their faces,” she suggests. Ultimately, creating more movement defeats the purpose of social distancing, so try to keep those interactions virtual, if you can.

Can You Go Out To Eat, Do Laundry, Or See Movies During The Coronavirus Outbreak?

It all depends on your definition of “essential” and your community’s public health guidelines. In New York City, gatherings of more than 500 people were banned as of March 12, and restaurants and bars with an occupancy limit of less than that need to cut their capacity in half, per The New York Times. Ostensibly, this is to limit the opportunities for close contact, or contact within six feet of each other.

“Make decisions about how large the crowd is, and then, most importantly, keep up your hand-washing and cleaning,” Cassoobhoy says.

While restaurants remain open, you can absolutely support your local businesses to your comfort level, whether that’s ordering delivery or takeout, or contributing to crowdfunding campaigns to support bartenders or other tipped workers. But again, limiting essential movement is key. If you have to do your laundry at a laundromat — arguably a pretty essential task — do it. But you may want to skip a crowded movie theater or concert venue.

Can You Take A Walk While Practicing Social Distancing?

It bears repeating that social distancing is not the same thing as isolation or self-quarantine. Just because you’re working from home doesn’t mean you have to never, ever, ever leave your apartment. Be mindful about keeping that six-foot distance between people, which shouldn’t be too difficult if you’re taking a walk around the park near your house. Plus, access to nature really does improve your immune function, as one study published in Frontiers in Psychology in 2015 confirmed.

How Do You Reduce Anxiety When You’re Practicing Social Distancing?

All of this information (on top of coronavirus news feeling like the only conversation happening online and off) can be overwhelming or even scary. Staying cooped up at home doesn’t necessarily help. Cassoobhoy stresses that keeping perspective throughout this period can really soothe coronavirus anxiety. “It’s important to remind ourselves that this is a temporary time,” she says, adding that the technology we have today is unprecedented in terms of keeping us connected. “Avoid the stuff that’s giving you anxiety … but use social media to connect with people who have the same interests that you do.”

Maintaining a routine and a semblance of normalcy can also create paths to certainty in an uncertain world. “Create a schedule at home, that routine will help,” Cassoobhoy says. Further, utilizing the time you have from not commuting to increase your self-care can also be grounding. “Take a break in the evening to cook a meal, and go to bed at a regular time.” And if you need extra support, you can see if your therapist will offer video or phone sessions, or get in touch with services like Crisis Text Line for 24/7 support.

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and coughing, call NHS 111 in the UK or visit the CDC website in the U.S. for up-to-date information and resources. 

 

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24 Free Livestream Workouts & At-Home Workout App Trials

If you have a fitness routine at all, it likely involves actually leaving the house. With lots of cities now practicing social distancing to prevent the spread of coronavirus, even folks who enjoy working up a sweat can find it hard to work out without that literal push out the door. Many exercise apps, gyms and studios are responding to COVID-19 with free livestream fitness classes and workout app trials you can use to work out from the comfort of your home.

“As you break out of your normal routine and spend more time at home, you also might find that you’re moving less and sitting more than you’re used to, causing added physical tension in your body,” says Paul Javid, CEO of yoga, fitness, and mindfulness platform Alo Moves. “Movement and exercise in general are so important to help keep your energy levels up, keep you focused and productive, and boost your mood.” He adds that exercising can also keep you tethered to a semblance of a routine while you’re stuck at home indefinitely.

Gyms or workout classes can be a huge source of community for people, and losing access to that is tough. But social distancing does not mean social isolation, clinical psychologist L. Kevin Chapman, Ph.D. tells Bustle. “Being alone is not necessarily the same as being lonely, since we have the capacity to connect with others in the face of social distancing.” You can help maintain the social connections you get in your regular workout class with these 24 fitness communities that are opening their virtual doors for free.

1. Planet Fitness Home Work-Ins For All

Gym chain Planet Fitness is offering everyone (even non-members) the chance to participate in “Home Work-Ins,” according to their Facebook page. These free classes will be livestreamed at 7 p.m. EST every day for the next two weeks, starting on March 16. Busy at that time? USA Today reports that the franchise’s Facebook and YouTube pages will have the 20-minute, equipment-free workouts on demand, so you can join a welcoming fitness community whenever you need. Already a member? Planet Fitness announced on Facebook on March 20 that you will not be charged dues for any days that the gym was closed.

2. Free Yoga With Down Dog Until July 1 For Students, Teachers, & Healthcare Professionals

Whether you want to download Down Dog’s HIIT, Yoga for Beginners, or 7-Minute Workout app, you can do so for free through April 1. “We believe that stressful times like these are precisely when people need wellness practices the most, and we are committed to doing our part to help out,” the Down Dog yoga app team posted on their website. And if you’re a student or teacher wanting to work out for free, you can register for complimentary access through July 1 (and just email the team if your school doesn’t have an .edu address so you can get this benefit). Healthcare professionals will also be able to access Down Dog Yoga for free until July 1.

3. 600 Free Videos From Fitness Blender

Joining the Fitness Blender community will give you access to over 600 free workout videos and an online network of fitness-friendly instructors. While you can’t hit up the gym, checking out this content might be just what you need to get you through social distancing.

4. Live And On-Demand 30-Day Free Trial Classes With obé fitness

With over 100 live classes per week, obé fitness is offering a 30-day free trial and access their premium content, which includes daily 28-minute workouts and 10-minute express workouts for when you’re crunched for time. After your free trial, membership is $27/month.

5. 30-Day All-Access Free Trial With Fhitting Room

Need to bring some high intensity interval training into your quarantine life? Fhitting Room has got you covered with their 30-day all-access trial. It offers free customizable at-home workouts and videos that will teach you proper exercise form. After your free month, maintaining your membership will only cost $9.99/month.

6. 14-Day Free Trial With The Sculpt Society

“Just because we’re working out from home doesn’t mean we are working out alone,” Megan Roup, founder of fitness app The Sculpt Society, wrote in an Instagram post. To support that sense of community, The Sculpt Society is offering a free 14-day trial for new members. After 14 days, membership is $19.99/month.

7. 7-Day Yoga TV Free Trial From SKY TING

SKY TING Yoga is reducing its in-person class sizes by 50% in response to COVID-19, but it is expanding access to its yoga TV for a seven-day free trial, after which access is $20/month. If you’ve always wanted to try yoga, it seems like now’s your time.

8. Help Someone In Need With the be.come project

The be.come project, a body-neutral, pilates-inspired fitness program, is not only offering everyone a free 10-day trial of its videos; the project is also giving people the opportunity to pay for a month’s membership for other folks who need it. By donating $30, you can give someone access to a free month’s fitness membership (normally $35). That’s an absolutely brilliant way to use social distancing to enhance social connection.

9. 15-Day Barre Free Trial

Ever wondered what the heck Barre is, anyway? For 15 days, you can learn all about Barre with a free barre3 trial, which gives you access to hundreds of workouts (with new ones added each month) and progress-tracking features so you can stay motivated. (Spoiler: Barre a hybrid type of fitness class that combines moves as broad-ranging as ballet, yoga, and strength training.) After 15 days, membership is $29/month.

10. 15-Day Pilates Free Trial

Contrary to what you might think about the workout, you don’t need access to fancy equipment to get in a solid Pilates workout. All you need is a 15-day free trial with Pilates Anytime, which will give you unlimited access to nearly 3,500 streaming Pilates videos. After your trial, continuing your membership will be $18/month.

11. 14-Day Digital Dance Free Trial

Does social distancing have you wanting to make like Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey and dance it out? The Taryn Toomey Digital Studio, adapted from The Class by Taryn Toomey, can help you do just that, bringing free dance workout videos into your living room for a 14-day trial. After your trial, you’d pay $40/month to get your dance on.

12. Free Nike Run Club App

Want to work out, practice social distancing, but also step outside your front door? Enter the Nike Run Club app. With a fitness community and the technology to track your run for free, your runs will feel less isolating and more social — which you can definitely use right now. Rest (or run) assured — even if you’re living in a city like San Francisco that has ordered a shelter in place, however, you can still run or hike while social distancing as long as you maintain six feet of distance between you and other folks. Going for your trek during off hours can help with that.

13. Sólful Vybz Virtual Movement Series by Iman Clark

Dancer and visual artist Iman Clark is welcoming all bodies to free livestreamed dance-inspired workouts on Instagram Monday evenings and Wednesday afternoons and on Facebook Live Sunday afternoons and Friday evenings (EST). Aimed at helping people stay connected to both each other and their bodies during social distancing, Clark’s workouts are meant to be inclusive for people at all fitness levels.

14. 90-Day Free Trial From Peloton, Even If You Don’t Have A Bike

No Peloton bike? No problem. In response to COVID-19, the Peloton App is opening its proverbial doors to new users for a full 90 days. The app, which includes at-home bootcamp, outdoor, and running workouts (it’s not just cycling!) will be free for a good three months even if you don’t have a Peloton bike. After 90 days, the digital membership will cost $12.99/month.

15. 30-Day Free Trial With Daily Burn

With thousands of workouts to choose from, you can spend a whole month learning what kinds of fitness styles you like best with a 30-day Daily Burn free trial, giving you access to thousands of videos ranging from HIIT to yoga and kickboxing. No matter what your fitness level, you’re bound to find something that blends the ways you like to have fun while working up a sweat. After the trial, membership will be $14.95/month.

16. Free Full-Length Yoga Classes On YouTube With Alo Moves

Whether you’re looking for HIIT, yoga, meditations, or flexibility work, Alo Moves is offering a selection of free community fitness classes via YouTube. If you want to become an Alo Moves member after watching their YouTube offerings, it’s $20/month.

17. Free Online Classes With CorePower Yoga

CorePower Yoga isn’t just offering free online yoga classes to help you maintain your practice while studios are closed. The company is also offering easy membership freezes until March 30 and is compensating all full and part-time workers during their studios’ two-week closures.

18. Work Out With Chris Hemsworth For 6 Glorious Weeks

As the God of Thunder, Chris Hemsworth’s fitness app (!!) shares some of the many opportunities he’s had to learn about the ways of the fitness world. Join him in your quest to remain active during social distancing, but if being buff as an Asgardian isn’t your goal, the Centr app’s six-week free trial also includes “mindfulness to calm the chaos.” After your trial, you can pay for a year at $10/month ($119.99 now) or $29.99 for a month-to-month membership. And who doesn’t need that (and Chris Hemsworth) right now?

19. Virtual Recess With Outdoor Voices

Starting March 18 through this week, Outdoor Voices (of the famed color-blocked leggings) will livestream a 10-15 minute “endorphin boost” on their Instagram. If you want to tune into one you missed, the company is saving them on their IGTV.

20. Livestream Dance With 305 Fitness

You’ve heard of dance classes on YouTube, but are you ready for meditation classes on Zoom? 305 Fitness is offering you both options with their live workout series. Looking for variety? You can meditate in the mornings, dance the work from home blues away with Throwback Thursday classes, or travel in your mind while social distancing in reality with some country hoedowns.

21. Work Out With ClassPass (From Home)

ClassPass is bringing their studio’s offerings online, giving the opportunity to participating studios to livestream classes on the ClassPass platform. Studios can charge fees for these classes if they choose, but ClassPass will not get any revenue from those fees until June 1 — 100% of revenue will go to studio partners, TechCrunch reported on March 25.

22. Free Livestream Healing-Focused Meditation

Until March 31, master yoga instructor Yogishri Sudarshan Kannan will be offering daily free meditation livestreams in partnership with Jersey City’s Jivamukti Yoga Center. Specifically focused on self-healing and reducing anxiety, these free sessions are designed for coping during huge life stressors (like social distancing). The Yoga Center is also opening up more than 30 of its archived yoga classes for free during COVID-19-related studio closures. Typically, full membership is $35/month.

23. 30 Days Of Free Yoga Classes with Bulldog Yoga

You don’t need a TV in your bedroom to practice yoga in privacy with free online yoga classes streaming from your Bulldog Yoga app. Unique because of its focus on fitness and pumped-up tunes instead of typically quieter yoga class formats, you can choose quick 10-minute yoga sessions or longer workouts focused on integrating yoga and strength training. For 30 days, you can access these classes for free, paying $12.99/month after the trial period ends.

24. Over 100 Free LES MILLS Martial Arts And HIIT Classes

Fitness company LES MILLS is bringing over 100 of its online classes to you for free. From free martial arts classes to post-pregnancy and mindfulness sessions, LES MILLS On Demand offers its fitness classes in both Spanish and English. To open up access to all 800+ videos, you’ll pay $14.99/month after a two-week, all-access free trial.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Virtual Book Clubs You Can Join Now—And How to Start Your Own

With movies, concerts, bar trivia night and other live events canceled due to the coronavirus crisis, more and more people seem to be turning to literature to pass the time. Last week, TIME published a list of 30 books to hunker down with, from The Passage trilogy to Colson Whitehead’s Zone One.

While literature on its own offers solace and distraction, it can also become the backbone of community. Over the past few weeks, many digital book clubs have sprouted up across the globe, allowing people to interact with their favorite authors, discuss thorny moral questions or just see other human faces. “It’s like the book is an excuse for people to connect and look at other people,” Mike Monteiro, the co-founder of Quarantine Book Club, says.

Here are some of the most notable book clubs that will continue to offer online events going forward. Meanwhile, TIME books editor Lucy Feldman offers some tips about how to start your own community around reading.

#TolstoyTogether

While it might be an ideal time to finally crack open Tolstoy’s War and Peace, the 1,200-page epic is a daunting task to take on alone. The author Yiyun Li is currently leading a pilgrimage through the novel on the independent publisher A Public Space’s social media channels. “I have found that the more uncertain life is, the more solidity and structure Tolstoy’s novels provide,” Li wrote in her introductory post. “In these times, one does want to read an author who is so deeply moved by the world that he could appear unmoved in his writing.”

The group has been reading about 15 pages a day and are 100 pages in. A Public Space representative estimates that 3000 people are participating across the world, from Pakistan to Brazil to Norway. Li has been startled by the level of engagement: “I thought maybe five to ten people would read with me,” she says. She chose the novel in part because she hoped its pace and length would serve as a perfect antidote to the frenzied news cycle of the moment: “It’s a book that requires a lot of patience and support from each other,” she says. “If you are reading news or social media every day, you tend to get agitated and panicky. But this book is the opposite: it’s a long retrospective to history.”

Readers have also been finding curious similarities between the novel’s plot and current events:

DC Reads

While all the physical locations of the DC Public Library are closed, the library’s book club has moved to Twitter. Over the past week, the library has hosted a discussion about Elizabeth Acevedo’s With the Fire on High, about a high school student and mother who dreams of becoming a chef. The next discussion question will be posted on March 28 at 2 p.m., and then on April 4.

Quarantine Book Club

Every weekday since March 16, the Quarantine Book Club has hosted two Zoom talks daily with a variety of authors, from Myriam Gurba to Heather B. Armstrong. Mike Monteiro and Erika Hall, two designers who live in San Francisco, started the club when their own work opportunities dried up; their audience quickly ballooned beyond their circle of friends.

“People want human connection. They’re bored, they’re freaked out,” Monteiro tells TIME. “So you get on here and you talk to somebody who’s really good in their field.”

Monteiro says that over 200 people paid the $5 admission on Tuesday to listen to the graphic designer Aaron Draplin and ask him questions; the conversations have often extended past the books and toward the world at large. The Quarantine Book Club will continue twice a day for as long as people remain at home, with proceeds going to the authors as well as Monteiro and Hall’s design studio. The science fiction author and journalist Cory Doctorow arrives on April 1.

The Stranger’s Quarantine Club

The Seattle-based publication The Stranger is hosting a reading and discussion of Albert Camus’ The Plague, a Nobel Prize winner written in 1947 in which an epidemic sweeps through a town on the Algerian coast. “Its relevance lashes you across the face,” Stephen Metcalf wrote in the LA Times on Monday. In the first week of the book club, dozens of readers from Mexico City to Ann Arbor sent in pictures of their reading chairs. The club will complete the book on March 30.

Silent Book Club

Guinevere de la Mare and Laura Gluhanich founded this club in 2012 as a potential outlet for introverts. “It provided a place for people to be able to get out of the house and meet up with a group—and not be forced to make awkward happy hour conversation, but to sit quietly for an hour and then chat about books,” de la Mare says. Since then, the club has grown to 260 chapters around the world in 31 countries. These chapters meet, read whatever book they’ve brought for an hour silently, and then share what they’ve learned.

De La Mare hopes that the club, which converted to virtual meet-ups a few weeks ago, can play a similar role for people struggling with living in isolation: “I hope that this provides a way to combat some loneliness,” she says. De La Mare says that in Kansas City, members have formed a tight-knit community and have even been exchanging books by leaving them on each other’s patios. Meanwhile, the chapter in Genoa, Italy, has seen a doubling in participants since the country went on lockdown.

Lez Book Club

For the past two and a half years, the Lez Book Club has been meeting in groups of 12 in pubs in London, providing a space for queer women to meet and share literature. The pivot to virtual meetings in the wake of coronavirus presents both a challenge and an opportunity for founder Eleonore Pratoussy: she wants to keep the meetings safe and intimate while also opening up her community to women around the world.

“There’s such a thirst from queer women and nonbinary people and trans people to come together,” Pratoussy says. “I’m hoping that this type of virtual book club will break the boundaries, and that any type of physical barrier will be removed so that anyone can join.”

The first virtual meetings will happen on Wednesday and Thursday evening; more information can be found by joining the group’s Instagram. “Reading a book at home alone is one of the small pleasures of life,” Pratoussy says. “Sharing your thoughts and ideas with other people about the book is another small pleasure of life.”

Rebel Book Club

Over the past five years, the Rebel Book Club has grown into a six-city organization with 1,000 active members who come to monthly nonfiction readings from London to Barcelona to Berlin. This month, they’re moving completely online to read and discuss the book #newpower with one of its authors, Jeremy Heimans. The book traces how the internet and social media have upended traditional power structures.

Ben Keene, the club’s co-founder, says that Rebel will continue hosting these monthly virtual book discussions, as well as a daily video chat called Rebel Book Pub, for the foreseeable future. Keene also says that 150 people have signed up for the club’s 14-day reading challenge, which set a goal for participants to finish a book in two weeks.

Lit Hub’s Virtual Book Channel

The Literary Hub is virtually hosting the type of programming that would ordinarily take place in bookstores around the country: book tour events, readings and Q&As. The first episode featured Kevin Nguyen talking about his debut novel New Waves—a heist narrative set inside the New York start-up world.

Translated Fiction Online Book Club

Six European publishing houses have teamed up to create this weekly Zoom series in which they take turns presenting a book from their catalogs. (The selected titles are sometimes discounted.) First up on March 26 is The Mussel Feast by Birgit Vanderbeke, a family drama set before the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Quarantini

Eric Cervini, a historian of LBGTQ+ politics and culture, has started a book and movie club on his Instagram page that is racking up thousands of views per video. He’s currently reading and discussing James Baldwin’s 1956 Giovanni’s Room, about an American in Paris.

Start Your Own

None of these book clubs may be right for you—or maybe you’d like to form your own community. Below, TIME books editor Lucy Feldman has some tips on how to get started and lead your own discussion.

The book: You can have a good book club discussion about a bad book, but it’s always more fun when members connect to the material (and in these times, who wants to invest energy in a book that feels like homework?). For your first meeting, start with an accessible novel — one with interesting characters, which are often more fun to debate than plot points.

The discussion: The best discussions arise out of questions that are open-ended so everyone can bring their own perspectives and offer more than simple “yes, I agree” or “no, I don’t” answers. As the leader, you’ll want to come prepared with more questions than you might think necessary. It’s also nice to ask a couple members to have a question ready so you can tap them when conversation starts to lag or you notice that they’re not getting involved (this is especially helpful if you have a member on the shy side who wants to participate but feels more comfortable knowing in advance what they’re going to say).

Encourage people to share their personal perspectives, but try to guide everyone to use “I” statements so they don’t accidentally alienate other members—and be prepared to mediate if people disagree.

And finally, remember that the most important thing right now is to bring people together and lift each other up. If you lose track of the topic at hand, well, that probably means you’re having the conversation you need to be having right now.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If You Still Miss Your Ex Years After Your Breakup, Experts Suggest This

Even if you’re completely over your ex, you might still feel wistful hearing the Cardi B song they played on repeat, or buying their favorite cereal. You might feel nostalgic reminiscing on the magical Miami getaway you took together, or the warmth of the winter holidays you spent with their family. Next thing you know, déjà vu creeps up as you re-read their favorite novel at their go-to café. The fact of matter is, you may still miss your ex years after your breakup, and that’s OK. While you may feel guilty, frustrated, or unsettled about this fact, know there’s nothing wrong with wondering how your ex is doing or even musing on the fun times you shared.

Todd Baratz, a psychotherapist who specializes in sex and relationships, says that sometimes, missing your ex can go hand-in-hand with missing who you were in that relationship, or simply missing the relationship in general. Because you might not actually miss your ex. You might just be craving someone you can snuggle, split some noodles, and marathon-watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine with. And even if you do miss your ex for the person they are and how they made you feel, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. “Some people think that if you miss your ex, you’re not over them. Don’t listen,” Baratz tells Elite Daily. “It’s OK to miss someone.” Not only is it OK, but it’s extremely common, Baratz says. It’s worth considering how grief and loss play key roles in everyone’s emotional, post-breakup turmoil.

Westend61/Westend61/Getty Images

“There isn’t one way to grieve and get over lost love. It’s a huge transition that is often accompanied by longing and even regret,” Baratz says. “People’s experiences after the end of a long-term relationship are often more intense because of the cultural misinformation and judgment that is out there about relationships. Don’t listen to the B.S. — know that whatever you are feeling is legit and valid.”

He adds that for many people, getting over an ex or feeling “less bereft” can take a long time. But instead of recognizing your mournful feelings about your ex and beating yourself up over them, Baratz recommends looking at your emotions as an opportunity for introspection.

A key way to do that is by going to therapy, if possible. “If it’s been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK,” he says. “But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex.”

Psychotherapy concept. Sad afro lady sharing her problems at counselor's office, sitting on couch and emotionally telling something
Shutterstock

One of those takeaways can be that you miss being in a relationship. Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow previously told Elite Daily that moving on from a relationship “means getting out of a routine,” including losing someone you regularly talk to, as well as the “social status of being in a relationship.” Ask yourself: Do you miss your ex as a person (their personality, the way the treated you, their mannerisms and their habits), or do you miss the happy moments you shared and having someone to hang out with 24/7?

If you can’t see a therapist to talk out your feelings, remember that self-care after a breakup is key. That can mean journaling, taking warm baths, breathing fresh air, eating good food, and getting adequate sleep. And of course, in this technologically plugged-in day and age, a valid form of self-care is also muting or blocking your ex on social media.

Along with therapy, Baratz also encourages his clients to date and have sex with other people, if they want. Missing an ex, he says, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not ready to start dating again after a breakup. “You’d never turn down your dream job because you were sad about quitting your prior one. So, go out and date other people! Have sex with other people,” he says. “This can be extremely helpful in opening yourself up to feeling desire and being desired. This can be powerful and is often part of the process of healing from a breakup.”

FilippoBacci/E+/Getty Images

And finally, if you feel like it’s appropriate, you can also reach out to your ex for closure — but proceed with caution. “Just be mindful about why you want to or don’t want to be in contact with an ex. If your relationship was a long-term relationship, it’s not uncommon that folks remain friends. That is OK, too!” Baratz says. “Just make sure to establish new rules alongside the new relationship that is no longer romantic.”

If you and your ex haven’t spoken in a long time (or at all), be extra thoughtful. “After you have spoken, take time to reflect upon the feelings that arise without judging them, or using them to try and make conclusions,” Baratz advises. That’s to say, don’t start scheming to get back together just because your chat didn’t blow up into an argument. The ability to just observe your emotions without passing judgement is crucial, Baratz says.

Whether you’re decoding your twinges of longing on your own, unpacking them with a therapist, or re-learning desire by getting back in the dating game, be patient with yourself. It might be awhile before you feel OK clicking through their Instagram Stories or listening to Shawn Mendes, but that’s all a part of the process. You’re exactly where you need to be.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Meet the 101-year-old who was born on a ship during the 1918 flu pandemic and just beat coronavirus

Angelina Friedman has superhuman DNA

Angelina Friedman survived cancer, miscarriages, internal bleeding, sepsis and now not one, but two pandemics. More than 100 years after living through the 1918 influenza pandemic, the 101-year-old woman just beat coronavirus.

 

An administrator at the Mohegan Lake, New York, nursing home where Friedman lives said Friedman is back to her old self and celebrating life as if nothing ever happened.
“It also just goes to show how much the world needs hope that you can beat this at 101,” Amy Elba told CNN.
Friedman’s daughter, Joanne Merola, told CNN affiliate WPIX that her mother is a survivor.
“She and my dad had cancer at the same time. She survived. He didn’t,” she said.
After beating coronavirus at 101 years old, Friedman started looking for some yarn so she could knit.

In 1918, Angelina Sciales (now Friedman) was born on a ship that was transporting immigrants from Italy to New York City. It was in the midst of the 1918 pandemic. It’s not believed that the baby contracted the disease.
Her mother died giving birth, and her two sisters helped her survive until they could reunite with their father in New York, where they lived in Brooklyn, Merola told WPIX.
One of 11 children, Friedman is the last surviving.
“She is not human,” Merola said. “She has superhuman DNA.”
Now a resident of the North Westchester Restorative Therapy & Nursing Center, Friedman battled yet another pandemic.
“She had gone out to the hospital for a procedure and when she returned she had tested positive,” Elba told CNN.
Merola told the affiliate her mother isolated in her room and ran a fever on and off for several weeks as she battled the coronavirus until April 20, when she tested negative.
Nurses called Merola and said Friedman was doing great. She was eating again and looking for yarn to crochet with, they told her.
“She is a mover and a shaker,” Elba said. “She’s a big knitter and she makes all kinds of things and gives them away to visitors.”
The staff threw a big birthday party for Friedman’s 101st birthday, and last year she was crowned prom queen.
Friedman was named Prom Queen at the nursing home.

“She’s super active. You couldn’t believe it for her age,” Elba said. “Still doing her leisure activities probably that she’s done forever.”
Like many other facilities, Elba said, they have set up alternative means for patients to remain in contact with their families.
Due to a back injury, Merola hasn’t been able to visit her mother since February, but she doesn’t live far from home. Because her mother is nearly deaf, they can’t speak on the phone.
As prom season approaches, Elba said that although the schools might not get a dance, Friedman is certainly going to have hers — and hopes she will be named prom queen for the second year in a row.

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