7 Reasons You Feel ‘Stuck’ After Your Divorce

Knowing why you feel stuck will help you figure out how to move on.

Divorce is heartbreaking and painful; you have to deal with your marriage being over, financial and home life changes, and not to mention the strain of getting the divorce.

You may have struggled to try and save your marriage as well, and are feeling “stuck” or fighting loneliness and don’t know how to practice good post-divorce care.

In other words, you have no idea how to move on after divorce. But don’t worry — this is common, and you’re not alone.

Nobody wants to admit that they get stuck along the way in dealing with divorce. It would be like admitting to yet another shortcoming.

“My marriage failed and I can’t get over it!” Making a statement like that for many people would be tantamount to taking out an ad on Facebook saying “I’m a loser.”

But the truth is that everyone gets stuck somewhere along the way dealing with divorce.

Feeling stuck at least once is normal because learning how to get over divorce isn’t a required course before getting married.

Besides that, it doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read, how many times you’ve talked it over with your divorced friends, or even how many celebrity divorces you’ve followed, you’re going to get stuck. (Yes, this is true even if you’ve been divorced before because every divorce is unique.)

You don’t know what it will take for you to get over your divorce until you’re done dealing with it.

However, in all my years working with people dealing with divorce and going through my own divorce I’ve found the most common reasons people get stuck.

By knowing these reasons, you’ll be better able to identify then when you start to get too mired in your misery. And when you know exactly what’s tripping you up you’ll have an easier time finding the specific help you need to continue dealing with your divorce instead of staying stuck.

Here are 7 reasons you feel “stuck” after your divorce and how to move on:

1. You’re grieving

Many people get trapped in lamenting what they’ve lost. This includes the hopes and dreams of what their marriage meant to them. It also includes more tangible things like the house and the 401K.

And it includes the relationships that are lost.

2. You feel like a victim

When you get ensnared with feeling powerless you’re about as stuck as you can get. Feeling like a victim also shows up as needing to assign blame — either to yourself or to your ex.

Anytime you relinquish your power to change your life, you’re giving up and dealing with divorce becomes impossible at that point.

3. You’re angry

Anger, fury, and rage are a normal part of the divorce process. However, you can get imprisoned in these emotions because they feel so powerful and righteous.

The trick to using these strong feelings to help you deal with divorce positively is being willing to look underneath them. When you do, you might discover another layer of hurt that needs healing.

4. You feel worthless

Most people experience feelings of being unwanted and worthless when they divorce. And it makes sense to do so! After all, if the one person who said they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you is content to toss you out with the trash, then what else are you supposed to think?

But the truth is that divorce does nothing to define your value.

5. You’re afraid

This is a biggie! Fear is the driving force for people staying stuck in all kinds of situations besides dealing with divorce.

If you can remember that fears usually fall into one of three categories (fear of loss, fear of dealing with divorce, fear of the future), then you’ll be better able to deal with each of your fears.

6. You’re unwilling to explore love

It might sound funny, but many people who are otherwise successfully dealing with divorce get stuck in a belief that there’s no such thing as love for them or that they now have to have rules about how they will experience love.

However, the failure of your marriage has nothing to do with your ability to experience love in the future.

7. You’re feeling lonely

The loss of so many relationships surprises most people who are dealing with divorce. But on top of those losses comes the feeling that no one else really understands (or maybe doesn’t want to try to understand) what you’re going through.

Divorce is a horribly isolating experience. And the only way to make it through without getting stuck in the loneliness is to find a support system.

These seven reasons people get stuck dealing with divorce are broad and you might not see exactly what you’re facing in this list. However, keep in mind that these are general categories of problems people face when they’re going through divorce and, if you look carefully, you’ll find a hint for the help you need to get through the specific challenge you’re facing.

And the best part is that by knowing how you’re getting stuck, you’ll be better able to move through it so you won’t stay stalled for too long. Just remember that everyone gets stuck as they’re dealing with divorce, but with this cheat sheet you will find your way through your healing much more quickly.

 

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 2

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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21 Icebreakers That’ll Make Your Zoom Happy Hours The Highlight Of Your Day

With social distancing guidelines in full effect, all of your favorite social activities may have shifted to online. This includes movie nights, romantic dinners, and even happy hours. And while for some people, this may have taken away some of the anxieties that IRL interactions cause, for others, it’s done the opposite. If you’re someone who dreads trying to make conversations in virtual social settings like Zoom happy hours, some big icebreakers could really help. Just remember that everyone is collectively dealing with the stresses of the coronavirus pandemic, and that you’re probably not the only one who’s feeling a little nervous.

Icebreakers are a great way to start conversations and get yourself and everyone else comfortable. Though social distancing has been going on for a while now, people may still not be used to having interactions solely through virtual settings. It can feel a little awkward talking to coworkers from your bedroom. This is where icebreakers can come in and eliminate any discomfort. You’ll get to relax a bit all while learning a little more about the people you’re working with.

Here are a few icebreakers you can use in your next Zoom happy hour to make everyone (including yourself) feel a little more at ease.

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1. Check Ins

Checking in with how everyone is doing is a good way to break the ice in Zoom happy hours.
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Because everyone is dealing with the anxieties and stresses that coronavirus may be causing, it can be a good idea to start off a virtual happy hour with a check in. Gauge how everyone is doing. See how everyone may be dealing with social distancing and even ask for or offer advice on how to keep busy and stay calm while this plays out.

2. Virtual Room Tours

The cool thing about having a virtual happy hour is that everyone is probably in their own respective bedrooms or living areas. This can be a great opportunity for an icebreaker. Give a virtual tour of the room you’re calling from or at least point out something fascinating or unique you might have in your room. Whether it’s a poster behind you, a souvenir from another country, or that stuffed teddy bear you’ve had since you were two, it can put you at ease to share something about your space with others.

3. Two Truths And A Lie

Two Truths and a Lie is like the go-to for a lot of icebreakers, and talking through Zoom doesn’t change that. This simple yet entertaining game will not only help you and everyone else to learn more about each other, but it’ll also let you assess each other’s ability to tell a lie. Plus, you’ll be debating together in no time, making it a super easy environment to relax in.

4. Social Distancing Bingo

If you’ve seen the Instagram social distancing Bingo going around, you can set yourself up for another great icebreaker. No, you don’t have to break out a Bingo board, but you can assess whose done what activity on the board by having people raise their hands. Has anyone else slept in past noon? Baked for fun? Binged an entire season in a day? Bingo!

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5. I Spy

I Spy can be a fun icebreaker when everyone is participating in the Zoom happy hour from their bedroom.
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I Spy is not just for children. Because you can use Gallery View on Zoom that allows you to see everyone’s video window at once, a game of I Spy can be really entertaining for everyone involved. If someone has a blue hat in the background or a huge, colorful tapestry, you can try and get others to guess at it. This’ll get everyone playing and let you take a good look around everyone’s backdrop.

6. Netflix Series You’re Currently Binging

Admit it, we’re all binging a Netflix series right now. (I’m on my fifth rewatch of New Girl). A really interesting yet simple icebreaker could be to ask everyone in the video call to say which series they’re watching. You’ll get to connect with other people based off of mutual taste in shows, and you’ll probably get a few great suggestions for your next show to watch.

7. Favorite ‘Tiger King’ Character

Speaking of Netflix, Tiger King is a great way to break the ice at a happy hour. Ask each person who their favorite character is and why, and watch your virtual chat room explode into debate and intrigue. You’ll get to discuss one of the best shows to come out of Netflix all while learning about everyone’s point of views.

8. First Trip Once All Of This Is Over

A great icebreaker that can get everyone in a slightly happier mood is asking everyone what they want their first trip to be once everything returns to normal in regard to the pandemic. Has someone been itching to go to Italy? Mexico? Maybe Dubai? Discuss your future travel plans and learn a little more about the people you’re virtually drinking with.

9. Hidden Talents

Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Wiggle your ears without touching them? Showing off your totally weird but still very impressive hidden talents can be a wonderful icebreaker that’ll not only make your coworkers laugh, but inspire them to show off theirs. Just remember to keep it office-friendly.

10. Self-Care Routine

Having perfect morning. Dark-skinned woman having perfect morning while drinking coffee lying in bath
Shutterstock

It’s super important to take care of yourself, especially during these unpredictable times. If you have any special practices or routines you use to pamper yourself, or just make yourself feel good, now’s the time to share that. You might even get some more inspiration from your coworkers.

11. How Many People You’re Quarantining With

If you’re like me, you have a huge family you’re quarantining with (eight!). This could be a really fun fact to share with coworkers during a Zoom happy hour. Share who you’re quarantining with, what it’s been like, and how you’ve been handling it.

12. Good Books You’re Reading

Aside from binging on shows, you’ve probably burned through a couple of really good books. Sharing what you like to read is a great icebreaker for people you work with. You can understand people’s favorite genres, what literature they like, and also topic they’re interested in.

13. Habits You’ve Picked Up In Quarantine

With so much time on your hands, it’s likely that you’ve picked up a fun, quirky, or even educational habit. I’ve started listening to podcasts in the morning again. If you’ve added something to your daily routine, share it with people in your Zoom call. You can see what people are doing at home to spend the time.

14. Bets On When Quarantine Will End

I’ve been debating with my friends since quarantine started about how long it will last. Because the news is always changing, it’s super hard to tell. Start a friendly wager or just poll the room to see when people think quarantines will be over.

15. Things You’ve Baked

Woman decorating chocolate cake in the kitchen. Female chef making a cake at home.
Shutterstock

People have been taking up baking in quarantine. If this includes you, it could be a fun icebreaker to talk about what you’ve been baking and what everyone else has been baking. If something sounds good, you can even ask for a recipe.

16. Your Go-To Lounge Wear

While my home-attire-of-choice is an old, oversized t-shirt and any pajamas I can find around the house, you might be someone who has specific outfits you’re wearing everyday. Are you dressing up at home to get in a busy mindset? Or are you kicking it in boy shorts? See what everyone wears to work from home.

17. New Music You’ve Discovered

You’ve probably come across some new music while in quarantine. Talk about any music or artists you’ve discovered. Is there an album you’re stuck on? Share it! You might get some awesome new music suggestions from others, as well.

18. Pet Peeves You’ve Discovered In Quarantine

It can be super stressful to be quarantined with someone for so long. It can even make you realize you have some pet peeves you never thought about before. Do you hate people who chew loudly? Talk about it to break the ice.

19. New Sleep Schedule

Some people in my family have been sleeping in as late as 5 p.m. and waking up way past noon. Is your sleep schedule all over the place? This is a topic of conversation that can serve as a great icebreaker because you’ll get different answers across the board.

20. Your Go-To Quarantine Snack

Rear View Of A Young Woman Taking Food To Eat From Refrigerator
Shutterstock

Is there a snack that you’ve been munching on everyday of quarantine? If there is, poll the video chat to see who else may have one. Everyone has probably been eating more than usual in quarantine so you might as well get some inspiration for snacks.

21. What TikToks Have You Made?

A lot of people are taking part in TikTok challenges or just creating TikTok accounts of their own. If this is something you’e done and think others have done as well, bring it up as an icebreaker. Maybe there are TikToks that your coworkers haven’t done yet but totally want to try.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Philly Coronavirus News: Thousands Violate Stay-at-Home Order to Watch Dirt-Stupid Fighter Jet Flyover

Plus, Phillies season could open in June at Citizens Bank Park and takeout cocktails may be coming soon.

You want to know how to basically guarantee that lots and lots of people will violate the coronavirus stay-at-home order? It’s really very simple. You just organize a flyover featuring some of the most impressive fighter jets in the world.

On Tuesday afternoon, thousands of Philadelphians took to the streets, parks and local landmarks in clear violation of the stay-at-home order to see the Blue Angels-Thunderbirds joint flyover of the city. From Penn Treaty Park along the Delaware River to the Art Museum steps to the Chili’s parking lot on City Avenue in Bala Cynwyd, crowds gathered to witness the spectacle.

The flyover (seen in this video as the jets flew by the Philly skyline; video courtesy Brittany Tsoflias) was a lovely gesture, intended to pay tribute to the first-responders and medical workers who are sacrificing so much to get us through the coronavirus crisis. But when you want people to stay at home — and officials did tell people to stay at home for the flyover — maybe having a once-in-a-lifetime type of event that is best witnessed from wide open areas (as opposed to your little front stoop) is not the way to go.

Just a thought.

(P.S.: I’ve seen more than a few such flyovers, and this one wasn’t even very good.)

Phillies Season Could Open In June at Citizens Bank Park

The Phillies were supposed to play their home opener on April 2nd at Citizens Bank Park. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

But according to various reports, the Phillies might still get to play at Citizens Bank Park this year. Major League Baseball is reportedly considering a plan that would allow teams to play in empty stadiums. The kickoff for this, if it all comes together, would be sometime between mid-June and the 4th of July.

No word on who the Phillies Phanatic will run around and try to annoy if the stadium is empty.

Takeout Cocktails May Be Coming Soon Amid Coronavirus Shutdown

It is illegal for bars and restaurants to sell takeout booze. But it looks like that is about to change, thanks to a bill that is making its way through Harrisburg and expected to pass into law any day.

Bars that already had the required permit to sell takeout beer and wine have been allowed to do so since the shutdown began. But this would let them sell you a gin and tonic, Long Island iced tea, daiquiri — whatever!

Alas, you probably won’t be able to walk down Walnut Street with a martini in your hand this time next year. The bill specifically says that this would only be temporary. So keep that flask handy.

Pennsylvania Golf Courses Can Reopen This Friday

Apparently, golf courses have been closed all this time. I didn’t realize this, because I drive by a Philly golf course almost every day, and every time I do, there are golfers there doing their golfing thing in their silly golfing clothes.

Huh.

Anyway, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has announced that he’s allowing golf courses to legally open starting this Friday, part of his plan to slowly reopen the state. He’s also allowing marinas, privately owned campgrounds, and guided fishing trips to resume business on Friday.

Enjoy!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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16 Signs You’re an Insufferable Attention Seeker

Are you or a friend turning into an attention whore? Use these 16 surefire signs to know if you’re craving for attention in all the wrong ways!

There’s an attention whore in all of us.

But in almost all of us, it’s just a small part of who we are.

Most of us can live without extensive attention from the world, and we can get along just fine as long as we have a few friends we can rely on.

But there are a few others who completely need the attention of everyone in the world, every ear they can possibly scream into.

Welcome to the world of the attention whores!

Who is an attention whore?

Before we go any further, let’s make sure we’re on the same page.

So who is an attention whore, and what does it really mean?

Do you have a friend who sticks up a new self portrait with her boobs almost sticking out *unintentionally, of course* on a social site like facebook or tumblr every now and then, and posts ridiculous things like “Hit like if you think I’m sexy” or “OMG, I look so friggin’ ugly!”

And then this friend waits a while until all other friends start giving her attention online and telling her she’s really pretty and sexy or that she doesn’t have to change a thing?

Or have you come across outlandish posts in social networks where a person says something ludicrous like “I’ll slash my hand if I don’t get 1000 likes, I swear!”

Well, ladies and gents, that’s the attention whore, and truth be told, that is the extreme side of attention whores.

There are other milder kinds of attention whores too. And there’s a huge chance that you know one of them already.

Types of attention whores

All of us know of at least one attention whore, be it the mild or the blatant kind. If you don’t know even one attention whore in your group of friends, *shudder* you’re probably that annoying attention seeker and don’t even realize it!

There are two kinds of attention whores, the one who really needs attention because they’re lonely. And the second kind, the ones who just need attention.

The first kind is borderline acceptable. I mean, they’re lonely and want friends. And since they’re incapable of social etiquette, they rely on threats to hold on to friends and meet new friends.

It’s the second kind that’s a pain in the rear, the kind who is whoring for attention because they thrive in it. They constantly want the world to revolve around them.

Why is it wrong to be an attention whore?

If you’re someone who loves attention and thinks no harm can ever come off it, well, you’d obviously wonder what’s wrong with it. But in reality, being a desperate attention whore can do more damage than good to you.

Unless you’re earning money off your attention seeking ways on a reality show, it won’t help you in any way. Your attention whoring ways will leave you feeling insecure, make your friends hate you, and eventually, no one will even trust you or even care for you.

Being an attention whore, you’d hurt too many friends that truly care, because you’d never really be close to any of your friends. Without realizing it, you’d find yourself using your trustworthy friends and disposing of them when you don’t need them in your life. You pretend like everyone is your best friend, and just to win over a new friend, you usually ignore an older friend who stood by you when you had no friends or support.

You’d hurt and piss off too many innocent and loving friends along the way, and eventually hurt yourself because the only people who’d stick to you would be other attention seekers who think just like you, and display fake affection to win people over, just like you.

And even if you do realize you’re wrong eventually and try to go back to your true friends who put up with you each time you treated them like trash, it may be too late because they probably don’t trust you anymore.

16 signs you’re an attention whore

Attention whoring is a way of life. Even if you are one, you may never realize it and you may assume everyone else is jealous of you because you’re getting the attention of the world and you’re so popular.

But if you find yourself losing a lot of old friends too fast, and if you feel hurt when someone you meet for the first time doesn’t like you, ask yourself if you’re relying too much on the image you’re portraying to the world and less on who you really are, to define yourself.

The ego of an attention whore is huge, and also extremely fragile. And especially with the advent of social sites, the urge to become famous could cloud your rational judgment, and the fear of losing all those facebook friends could scare you to death.

So do you want to find out if you’re an attention whore? Use these 16 signs to find out if your mind is already stepping into the glamorous and fickle world of attention whoring.

#1 Status updates. You frequently add vague status updates on facebook, knowing fully well that most of your friends won’t know what you mean or what you’re trying to say. And yet you pretend like it wasn’t meant for everyone, or worse, you wait until loads of people start asking you what you meant before you explain yourself.

#2 Problem solving. You intentionally flaunt your problems and issues to everyone, be it scars or love triangles. You share your issues with online friends you barely know even though you can’t get any real help there.

You love playing the victim and you shamelessly crave for sympathy. But really, if you truly want to feel any better, talk to a good friend over phone or in person. Flaunting your heartbreaks or scars online or in public won’t get you anything more than stares.

#3 Your new look. You upload new photos on facebook all the time, letting people know every single thing you’re doing, including hanging out in the toilet!

#4 The wannabe braggart. You brag about something when it’s not really such a big deal. I’m an emo chick… I’m a metal chick… I’m a gaming chick… Wow, really? The world doesn’t give a rat’s rear end, you know?

#5 The group photo. You don’t realize it, but you always claw your way to stand in front of the group every time someone tries to take a picture of the group.

#6 The sore loser. You just can’t accept it if a guy hits on your friend instead of you when the two of you go out. You think the guy’s a loser, because you’re so much better, and it’s his loss he can’t see that!

#7 VIP treatment. You want all the attention when you go to a new place. If your friends get more attention that you, you think the place sucks. But if the manager or the chef speaks a lot more to you, you fall in love with the place even if the food sucks.

#8 The real life. Even if it’s your best friend’s birthday and all of you are dining out or having a party, you try your best to be the life of the party and hog the attention with your antics. And even if someone brings this to your attention, you get angry *because you’re only trying to ensure that everyone has a good time*.

#9 You’re nice to everyone. Not because you love all people or you’re a politician, but because you want everyone you meet to love you and crave your attention! You go out of your way to be really nice to people you meet for the first time, and end up taking all the good friends who know you for granted.

#10 The temperamental you. Your mood swings change constantly. You could be in a heated argument with your best friend or your sister, but if a new friends walks past you or calls you over the phone, you can change your attitude almost instantly and become really nice while talking to them.

#11 The center of the world. You feel really miserable if you aren’t the center of attention with your friends. And if two friends of yours make secret plans about something without telling you about it, you feel deeply hurt.

#12 You’re important. Your problems and moments of happiness should be shared by all your friends. If you break up or get into a new relationship, all your friends have to feel your pleasure or pain, or you believe they’re terrible friends.

#13 You white lie. You make up stories about boyfriends, vacations or shopping sprees every now and then just to look cooler than everyone else. You constantly have the urge to feel superior to all your friends. [

#14 Fishing for compliments. You need others to tell you that you look good to actually feel good about yourself. You work out, strap on a revealing dress or dab yourself with makeup, click a picture and post it on facebook with the line, “Gawd, I look so ugly in this pic…”

#15 The unwanted attention. You talk about all the guys that give you so much attention, and how you so totally hate it. But surprisingly, you don’t ignore those guys either.

#16 You ignore your friends. You ignore someone who really likes you all the time, be it a friend or a crush that’s actually really nice. And when no one’s around to keep you company or when you feel bored and alone, you call these friends and try to win back their attention.

Being an attention whore could give you a lot of happiness, but you need to remember that this burst of happiness is only momentary for as long as the fifteen minutes of fame lasts.

Do you think you have a friend who’s an attention whore? Or do you think you have an attention whore in you? These 16 signs will definitely draw out the people pleaser in you, and help you change yourself for the better.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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