PMDD Flares During The Coronavirus Pandemic Can Add Stress, Experts Say

My period came on time this month, which was a surprise. What wasn’t a surprise, however, was the return of all of the symptoms — paranoia, anxiety, drowsiness, aching boobs, brain fog, and extreme restlessness — that I get when I’m having a premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) flare-up. PMDD is a mood disorder that feels like the most extreme premenstrual syndrome (PMS) to the point of suicidal ideation. Like many people living with PMDD, I have coping mechanisms that help me manage it. But with the arrival of COVID-19 and my state’s shelter in place order, they all went out the window.

Outside of these “unprecedented times,” I use a combination of Prozac, regular exercise, eating (relatively) balanced meals, avoiding added sugar, and not drinking much to keep my symptoms in check. Since the shelter in place order, my meals are more strongly influenced by which cans I haven’t opened yet than what’s on the food pyramid, and my regular walks outside have been replaced with anxious pacing around my living room. I quickly learned that my pandemic coping mechanisms run exactly opposite to the ways I deal with PMDD: I’m eating chicken nuggets and mac and cheese like a five year old, drinking too much, not exercising enough, and spending days without leaving the house. As a result, this menstrual cycle featured two weeks of rollercoaster emotions, aching breasts, disrupted sleep, and irritability.

“The current global pandemic and the significant impact this is having on everyone’s lives and sense of wellbeing would likely cause an exacerbation of symptoms for people with PMDD,” Dr. Andrea Chisholm, M.D., an OB/GYN and expert in PMDD, tells Bustle. “The sense of uncertainty, loss, and fear and the social isolation and disruption of routine are even significantly impacting people who do not have a preexisting mood disorder. People with PMDD or other mood disorders are especially vulnerable during this time.”

Brett Buchert, the director of care and support at the International Association of Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD), has been able to largely maintain the self-care routine that keeps her symptoms in check. But even with regular therapy, eating balanced meals, and continuing to exercise, she’s had a rougher month than usual.

“When my ovulation days hit, I was sobbing,” Buchert tells phicklephilly. “I felt like I wasn’t even upset about anything in particular — I was just so upset. I think it was because there’s been so much stress, for me and for the world, and that needed to come out.”

One of Buchert’s roles at IAPMD is providing peer support to other people with PMDD. This month, she says there’s been a noticeable uptick in members who reached out for help.

“I was speaking on peer support with a single mom with two small children,” Buchert says. “When her symptoms come, she usually takes them to the park and lets them play so she can break down in the car. That’s very relatable — that’s what happens. But it’s just not available to her right now. So what does she do? Not having those things that get us through the worst moments can be really scary.”

Mar, 33, has found that mandated social distancing has actually eased her symptoms. “I am an introvert, so social distancing is actually helping me keep grounded,” Mar tells Bustle. “I live with people I love who also understand the illness, so I do not have to pretend that I’m OK. And that gives me peace.” While she usually experiences extreme emotional and physical effects during the luteal phase of her cycle, this month she says she only had two days of hypersomnia (extreme drowsiness) and poor physical coordination.

For me, the main goal is to get back to my typical PMDD-helping habits— at least the ones that are still viable while social distancing — as soon as my period is over and my estrogen starts to rise again. I’m also reminding myself that even though we all keep talking about the “new normal,” this is not my new normal.

“It’s helpful for me to know that this is a difficult time, so it makes sense to me if I feel worse than usual,” Buchert says. “We have to give ourselves some grace. We’re still doing well — and we’ll recover.”

If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.

 

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6 Relationship-Ending Dating Behaviors

What all of these behaviors have in common is that they are violations of another person’s trust.

It’s Sunday and it’s family day for me . . . well it’s family day with Sonja’s family today. I’m meeting her family today, and it’s going to be a great test of remembering names for me. Wish me luck, because as you all know I’m terrible with names!

When you’re dating somebody, what are the boundaries? Are there certain relationship boundaries which, if crossed, cause irreparable damage and the ultimate end of most relationships? While I am not usually a fan of hard and fast “rules” for relationships, there are certain dating behaviors which will almost without exception will end a relationship.

What all of these behaviors have in common is that they are violations of another person’s trust. Once one person in a relationship no longer trusts their partner, the relationship will almost certainly end. So to help you ensure that this doesn’t happen in your relationship, here are 6 relationship-ending dating behaviors that should always be avoided: Keep in mind that I am not mentioning the most obvious one which is cheating.

1. Everyone Is Entitled To Their Privacy. What constitutes a violation of someone’s privacy? When, if ever, are you justified in violating your partner’s privacy? If you have an “intuition” about something, does that give you the right to start reading through your partner’s email? To start listening to their voicemail messages? To hack into their other Internet accounts? The answer to all of these is no! To violate someone’s privacy is to violate their trust. You should NEVER dig through someone’s personal emails, or listen to someone’s voicemail messages. By listening to your partner’s voicemail messages or reading their emails, you are violating not only their trust, but also the trust your partner has with anyone who left those voicemail messages and emails.

2. There’s No Such Thing As “A Lie For The Greater Good.” Of course lying is never good in a relationship, although we’ve probably all been guilty of doing it. Certain kinds of lies, though, are far more damaging to a relationship than others. Some people will lie to their partner in certain situations in an effort to avoid hurting them or to avoid having to have a conversation that will be hurtful to them. So although we lie believing we are doing so to “protect” our partner, when that lie is exposed (which it almost always inevitably is) we end up digging a deeper hole for ourselves. When you do get caught in this situation, not only do you end up hurting your partner anyway, but you also end up hurting yourself even more. In life, what you fear will actually manifest – but it will manifest even more severely than you feared. So whatever you were trying to protect your partner from by lying to them will seem worse because of your lie than it would ever have had been if you just were open and honest about it from the get-go. On top of that, you have violated your partner’s trust by lying to them. These kind of lies are almost always relationship-enders.

3. You Are Not James Bond, So Never Spy On Your Partner You are not a spy, so you should never be spying on your partner. You should never snoop in your partner’s private things. That means that you must never look through your partner’s drawers, their wallet, their filing cabinet, or their private records (like their bank or credit card statements). Further, there is nothing that justifies snooping. No matter what you have a “hunch” about, snooping through your partner’s things is never the way to confirm or deny your hunch. It is an absolute violation of your partner’s trust. Your partner’s private business and personal records should be kept private unless they give you permission to look at them. Spying on your partner behind their back James Bond style is one of the most deliberate and blatant violations of your partner’s trust, and will achieve nothing except to have your partner never trust you to be alone near their things ever again.

4. Beware Of Designating Yourself “Magnum P.I.” Another wrong way some people try to verify suspected bad behavior by their partner is to take on the role of private investigator by attempting to “catch their partner in the act” of doing something. Whether this takes the form of searching for your partner’s car by driving by their house, work or gym, or it takes the form of following your partner in your car, this is something you should never do. Even if you believe you have a true “hunch” or “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong or is hiding something from you, designating yourself as your own private investigator is not only the wrong way to address that, but also frankly smacks of stalker-like behavior. If your partner finds out you’ve been “tailing them” in your car, they will no longer trust you and will likely end your relationship right there and then.

5. Don’t Send Others To Do Your Dirty Work. Don’t ever send a friend or anyone else to gather information for you about your partner or to spy on your partner for you. That means, don’t send a friend to go hang out where you know or suspect your partner will be. Don’t have your friend try to eavesdrop on your partner’s conversations in places they go. Don’t ask your friends to use their cell phone to snap covert pictures of your partner. All of these not only violate your partner’s trust, but also reveal your total lack of trust in your partner. This behavior, if discovered by your partner, will most certainly result in them ending your relationship.

6. Avoid Paranoid And Obsessive Behavior. One of the biggest ways to reveal that you don’t trust your partner at all, is to manifest that distrust with paranoid and obsessive behavior. While calling your partner regularly is quite normal, calling them incessantly to “check up on them” comes off as paranoid and obsessive, and will virtually always drive your partner away. If for example your partner leaves their phone somewhere, and by the time they realize they left it and pick it up two hours later you have called them 50 times, you are not only coming off as being paranoid and obsessive, but you are clearly communicating to your partner that you don’t trust them at all. If you panic every time ten minutes go by without a reply from your partner to a phone call or an email, it sends the exact same message to them. This behavior will not only drive your partner away from you, but the fact that you clearly don’t trust them at all will most likely lead your partner to end your relationship.

So even if you have some type of “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong, it is better to confront them openly about it and “slug it out” with them than to violate their privacy and their trust by searching for answers behind their back. Even if your partner doesn’t respond to your attempts to talk about it the first, second or third time, chances are that you will get to talk about it – and the outcome of confronting your suspicions openly with your partner will always be better than if your partner discovers you have engaged in any of the behaviors I talk about here.

Finding a great person with whom you want to be in a relationship can be really hard. Once we find somebody, though, we need to understand that our partner’s privacy and trust are boundary lines which must not be breached. Violations of trust like the ones discussed here are some of the quickest ways to kill any relationship.

No matter how much emotion and love exist in a relationship, a relationship cannot survive without trust. Think long and hard before you engage in any of these behaviors. Violating someone’s trust will never take a relationship to a better place. In fact, by doing so you may very well be single-handedly orchestrating the end of what could have been a fantastic relationship.

 

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Buckethead — One of the Best, Fastest and Weirdest Guitarists on the Planet

The prolific guitarist released his very first live album, “Live from Bucketheadland,” last year

Talk about truth in advertising: When Brian Patrick Carroll was 19 and already an accomplished guitarist, he stuck a Kentucky Fried Chicken tub on his noggin, slapped an emotionless white mask over his face to shield his identity, looked in a mirror and said, “Buckethead.”

Thus was born one of the most inventive and uniquely talented guitar shredders, a player who routinely shifts between Funk, Metal, Prog, Blues, Ambient, Bluegrass and experimental Art Rock and has been cited by numerous publications and august organizations as among the best, fastest and weirdest guitarists on the planet.

At age 12, Carroll began taking guitar lessons from an elderly neighbor but didn’t take the craft seriously until his family moved to Claremont, California, which led to private lessons from a variety of gifted teachers, including former Mr. Big/Racer X guitarist Paul Gilbert. As his playing improved, he documented his performance and songwriting progress by recording home demos. According to Buckethead lore, his alter ego emerged after being inspired by Halloween 4 to buy a blank mask, à la Michael Myers, and a KFC dinner that same evening.

After playing in a couple of bands, Carroll adopted his Buckethead persona and entered a song in a Guitar Player magazine competition, earning an honorable mention. In 1991, the 21-year-old was invited to contribute to avant guitarist Derek Bailey’s Company, resulting in his appearance on the collective’s Company 91 album. The following year, Buckethead’s profile rose exponentially; he released his debut album, Bucketheadland, early in the year, and formed Praxis with Bill Laswell and Bootsy Collins, among others, dropping their acclaimed debut, Transmutation (Mutatis Mutandis), later in 1992.

Over the subsequent three decades, Buckethead has provided music for film and video game soundtracks and aligned himself with a number of band projects (including Colonel Claypool’s Bucket of Bernie Brains, Thanatopsis and many more) and fascinating collaborations (including one with actor Viggo Mortensen).

Perhaps no collaboration has been more visible than his four-year stint with Guns N’ Roses, which included his invaluable contributions to the much-delayed Chinese Democracy album. In 2010, Buckethead withdrew from the remainder of his band projects and began pouring all of his time and attention into his solo recordings.

Since his 1992 debut, Buckethead has released over 30 studio albums and, beginning with the cessation of his band activities, close to 300 albums as a part of his Buckethead Pike series (in 2014, he released a Pike album every six days for the entire year).

In 2012, Buckethead largely retired from touring, but returned to the road in 2016, alternating between completely solo shows and trio gigs with longtime bandmates Dan Monti on bass and Bryan “Brain” Mantia on drums. Last year, Buckethead released his very first live album, Live from Bucketheadland, on vinyl.

In the long, strange history of Rock, few have been around longer, done anything stranger or approached the prolific diversity of the man with the KFC chapeau.

 

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Digital Detoxing Is The New Ghosting. Change My Mind.

In the olden days (before social distancing), when a crush wanted to decline an invitation to hang out, they could claim to be “at work” or “busy with friends.” But now, amid a global pandemic, when everything is closed, and everyone is sitting inside, glued to their phones, the only way to ghost someone is by taking a digital detox.

While you’d think the embargo on public events might hinder one’s ability to make last-minute excuses, leave it to the gems I date to come up with new, innovative reasons for why they can’t make it. When dating relies solely on technology, the only way out is off.

After a couple of days of sheltering-in-place, it became clear to me that I was going to need more human interaction than my roommates were capable of providing. I’d been following a fellow creative on Instagram, and after liking each other’s quarantine-chic posts, I decided it might be time for a socially-distant slide into their DMs.

To my surprise, they replied immediately. They told me how lonely they were, quarantined with their parents, and what a relief it was to connect with another person. For the next few days, we exchanged messages, swapped GIFs and music recommendations, and shared articles we’d enjoyed reading. We’d take turns complaining, confessing our fears for the future, and offering suggestions of what to make for dinner.

I loved having a quarantine crush — someone cute to gab with in self-isolation who wasn’t my roommate’s dog or the Amazon delivery person. We found love in hopeless, contactless place, so as the weekend drew closer, I resolved that it was time to kick it up a notch. I messaged my crush asking if they wanted to FaceTime, aka the social distancing version of, “Want to grab a drink this weekend?”

I was shocked to find that people can still be so committed to roundabout-rejection, even when they’re sitting in their sweatpants at home, baking sourdough bread on Instagram Live.

When I saw “Typing…” pop up, I began daydreaming about their response. Would they claim to be working up the courage to ask me out? Suggest we do a fun activity over Zoom? Ask for my address, so they could send me a bottle of wine?

But when my phone finally pinged, their response made my eyes roll so far back inside my head, I felt like I was riding Kingda Ka.

“Uh, sorry,” they said. “I’m actually going to ban myself from screens for a while, to attempt to become one with nature. Or something.”

That’s right, folks. Instead of hitting me with an, “I’m just not that into you,” a content creator for a digital publication opted to tell me that they were not planning on using their cellphone or computer for the foreseeable future. All to, presumably, get out of going on a FaceTime date with me. Casual!

At first, I tried to cut them some slack. According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, people often give phony explanations to avoid conflict or hurting someone’s feelings. When you’re not into someone, claiming to be “so busy at work” (or going on a cellular strike) can help cushion the blow.

But Dr. Manly also shares that lying your way out of plans doesn’t just hurt the people you’re rejecting — it hurts you.

“A pattern of telling ‘white lies’ can reduce sensitivity to dishonesty and lead to greater dishonesty over time,” Dr. Manly says. “Now that you can’t tell a ‘white lie’ about having another engagement, you have the opportunity to increase your honesty-based skills and personal boundaries.”

I did what they couldn’t: I officially pulled the plug.

Look, I’m all for giving your body what it needs, but there’s a difference between “I’m not using my phone” and “I’m not using my phone to FaceTime you.” I was shocked to find that people can still be so committed to roundabout-rejection, even when they’re sitting in their sweatpants at home, baking sourdough bread on Instagram Live.

I get it: Telling someone that you’re not feeling them can be intimating. But instead of finding new ways to blow people off, perhaps self-isolation can be a time to reflect on what you want, what you don’t, and how to honestly and directly communicate that to the people you date (or politely reject).

When my crush posted on Instagram a few days later, I thought about calling them out. But ultimately, I decided against it. Instead, I did what they couldn’t: I officially pulled the plug.

 

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3 Non-Committal Zodiac Signs That Don’t Like To Label Their Relationships

There’s nothing quite like the frustration of falling for someone who seems to be dodging every opportunity to take your relationship to the next level. Whether you’ve been dating for a few months, or are approaching the one year mark, trying to build a relationship with non-committal zodiac signs can quickly start to feel like an uphill battle. The good news is that all hope is not lost. If you’re willing to be patient, these zodiac signs can make great partners, but it my take them a while to untangle their true feelings.

Gemini

Known for their paradoxical nature, Gemini is a sign that often experiences an excess of inner conflict that can make them difficult to pin down. It’s not uncommon for the unruly twins to crave the freedom of singledom, while also yearning for the comfort and convenience of a committed relationship. For this reason, Geminis can be hesitant to label a relationship. And in some cases, this apprehension can last after passing relationship-y milestones like meeting their family, or regularly socializing with their friends.

Libra

As natural conflict avoiders, Libras aren’t always forthcoming with how they feel. But when they do fall for someone, they tend to fall extremely hard. That’s why, maintaining an identity independent from their love interest can feel like an impossible feat for them. However, it’s not long before the observant Libra becomes aware of their propensity to get swept up in relationships — And since they’ve likely been burned in the past by committing too soon, more experienced Libras may feel the need to overcorrect this habit by constantly pumping the breaks, even when they’re genuinely into someone.

beautiful young boho woman close up with pink feathers and accessories at sunset
Shutterstock

Aquarius

Aquarians have so many wonderful qualities, but opening up about their emotions is not one of them. Being vulnerable is something that many Aquarians actively avoid. This is a sign that may also have unrealistically high standards for their relationships, which can make it hard for them to fully commit to a great partner who may not match up with the idealized image in their head. Your best bet when dealing with an Aquarius who’s being dodgy about labeling your relationship is to make your feelings known, then give them space to process. If they’re still being flighty, then it might be time to cut the cord.

When it comes to dealing with a partner who is apprehensive about putting a label on your relationship, it’s important to strike a healthy balance between pursuing your needs and respecting the fact that they may be processing their feelings a lot slower than you are. That said, as in every relationship, having an honest conversation about the future is the best way to assess whether you’re dating a compatible match.

10 Signs You’re Finally Getting Over A Breakup & Are No Longer In Love With Your Ex

Breakups can be brutal. But you’re past that now. Here’s how to know you’re over your ex.

The worst part of a breakup is not knowing how long it takes to get over a broken heart. At first, it feels like you’ll never figure out how to move on.

While you’ll probably always feel some type of way for your ex and the relationship that you had, slowly but surely you’ll start seeing the signs you’re finally getting over your ex.

We sympathize with those of you who were still pining over an ex (we cyberstalk our exes sometimes, too), we’re hoping this article will help you in your process of getting over a breakup. It might just be the catalyst you need to move past that toxic purgatory.

1. You don’t feel homicidal when he starts dating someone else.

In fact, you’re thrilled for both of them. Especially since you’re the one who set them up in the first place. After all, just because the two of you didn’t work out doesn’t mean he shouldn’t find happiness with someone else.

On the flip side, if he happened to know someone who might just be your soulmate, you’re sure he’d do the same for you.

2. You feel no urgent need to return his phone calls, texts, and emails.

Because he no longer holds the number one spot in your heart. And it’s not as if he’s going to see the error of his ways simply because you’re prompt.

3. You are interested in other men.

When you and your ex first broke up, you hit the bar scene in earnest with your best gal pals, but your heart just wasn’t it, no matter how many jolly rancher shots they plied you with.

But just the other day, that sexy bartender smiled at you, and you experienced a moment of zing! And yesterday evening, you brushed shoulders with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome as you were picking up your kids from school, and your stomach did flip-flops. It looks like you’re ready to date again!

4. You now realize that a lot of his personality “quirks” were annoying or lame.

Like the fact that he was a compulsive liar. Or the fact that he constantly preened in front of the full-length mirror, making it really difficult for you to get dressed in the morning.

If you’re done seeing him through rose-colored glasses, you’re over him.

5. You consider your relationship a learning experience.

When you think back on the happy memories the two of you created together, you can’t help but smile. Yes, there were serious problems, but now, thank your lucky stars you know what to look out for in the future.

And that awful angst you experienced during your breakup and subsequent mourning period? It only made you stronger.

6. You no longer blame him for everything.

In the past, the bitterness you experienced due to your breakup caused you to inject spiteful comments about him into every conversation. Thank God that’s over and done with.

7. When you meet a new guy, you don’t automatically compare him to your ex.

Not only that, but you’re not even tempted to bring him up on your first date. Instead, you’re truly interested in learning more about this new guy’s life and, when asked about your own, are able to present yourself as a woman with hobbies and interests separate from those you shared with your old partner.

8. You think of yourself as single, not as someone who’s just gotten out of a relationship.

You’ve wallowed in self-pity for long enough, and are again ready to embrace the fun, adventure and boundless possibilities inherent in singledom. If you’re excited to be single, you’ve put Mr. Past where he belongs.

9. You truly feel that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

And that you’re that much closer to finding the one you are supposed to be with.

10. You try to think of his middle name or phone number and can’t recall it.

Congratulations! The unnecessary detritus from your time together has been officially flushed from your system. Now go out and find someone who doesn’t give you chronic migraines

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30 Celebrities Photoshopped Side-By-Side With Their Younger Selves Show How Aging Has Changed Them

I know this isn’t my usual dating and relationship content, but I love these!

Dutch graphic designer Ard Gelinck makes time travel possible. At least, for celebrities. Gelinck has been photoshopping famous people as if they’re hanging out with their younger selves, and the images come out so cool, you can’t help but wonder if some of his subjects have them framed.

Gelinck has worked on these photomontages for about 10 years now, but it doesn’t look like he’s running out of ideas. On the contrary. The graphic designer continues to delight his 258K Instagram followers with regular uploads. Continue scrolling to check out the latest ones, and for his earlier works, fire up Bored Panda’s older articles here and here.

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Matt Leblanc

ardgelinck Report

The graphic designer said he’s always trying to challenge himself when it comes to Photoshop. “The ‘Then and Now’ series is quite old when you consider that me and my brother made the first image for it about 10 years ago,” Gelinck told Bored Panda. “About 5 years ago, I edited pictures for a lot of Dutch celebrities and it was a success, so I then started working with foreign celebrity photos. The first one was Madonna, and she even posted my image on her own Instagram.”

The Queen of Pop, however, isn’t the only Gelinck subject who has publicly admired his work. Rob Lowe, Tina Turner, Lionel Richie, Annie Lennox, BeeGees, Jason Priestly, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Carice van Houten, Sylvester Stallone, Robbie Williams, Michael Douglas, Ricky Gervais, and many more have also given him a shoutout. “When I think about it, the list is quite impressive,” Gelinck said.

Carrie Fisher

When the Photoshop wizard is composing the pictures, he’s often trying to make the subject and their former self embrace one another, be it an arm on the shoulder on a hug. “[The actual pose] depends on a lot of things. I’m trying to find one where they’re standing next to each other.”

The graphic designer thinks that his project has become so popular because people enjoy taking a trip down memory lane. Each of Gelinck’s images is like a shot of nostalgia that brings back past moments of enjoying music chart hits, TV shows, and movies.

Daniel Radcliffe

David Bowie

Ryan Reynolds

Kevin McCallister & Macaulay Culkin

Jennifer Aniston

Conan O’brien

Tom Hanks

Robert De Niro

Brad Pitt

Queen Elizabeth

Will Smith

Pierce Brosnan

Tom Felton & Draco Malfoy

Ricky Gervais

Hugh Grant

Dave Grohl

Julia Roberts

Matthew Perry

Harrison Ford

Mark Hamill

Peter Venkman (Bill Murray)

The Rock

Sean Astin

Jamie Lee Curtis

Dolly Parton

George Michael

Whoopi Goldberg

George Clooney

 

 

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15 Signs He Wants To Marry You Someday

If you really love a man, you look forward to the day when he will propose you. You start weaving dreams of your future together looking for the signs he wants to marry you someday. You can sense that he admires you, possibly loves you deeply, but whether or not he wants to settle down with you someday remains a question.

If he wants to marry you someday, even if that day is not in near future, he will give you some signs. With a bit of attention to detail, you can easily figure out that he thinks you are the one for him. And that’s exactly what you want to know right? So go through the below signs that indicate he wants to make you his wife someday.

15 Signs He Wants To Marry You Someday

Perhaps you have been seeing each other for quite some time now and it feels like you have met your soulmate. And now you want to know whether he is going to be your life-partner or not. So you want to look for clear signs that indicate he is going to marry you someday. Asking that directly may not seem plausible to you, but you can certainly look for these signs.

1. He has made you a part of his life

Affairs are usually secrets and at times two people do not share much beyond their fantasies and desires. However, when two people fall in love, they tend to make efforts to know more and more about each other. And when a couple is looking to settle in life together, they make each other part of it much before.

If your man has no qualms introducing you to his friends, colleagues, has no issues to be seen with you in public places, and he no more endorses the single life, he is definitely looking to marry you someday.

If he shares his goals with you, confides in you, and includes you in his day to day life, he surely has plans to have you in his life forever.

You are important to him

2. You have met his family

If your guy has made you meet his family and close ones, then you should consider this as a very important sign that he wants to marry you someday. His family are the other people whom he loves the most, besides you. If he is seeing a future with you, he would want you to be present at his family’s get-togethers and gatherings. He is relying on you to make a connection with his family members, plus he also wants his family to know you.

Apart from this, he will take keen interest in your family, relatives and close friends. He looks forward to spending time with them as well, as he wishes to know them better too.

3. He talks about the future with you

If your man wants to have you as his wife one day, he will discuss his future with you. He makes you a part of all his future endeavors. He may often discuss financial and personal goals with you, and how he is planning to secure the future.

In fact, one of the most prominent signs he wants to marry you someday is that he involves you in his future pursuits.

4. You hang out with his best friends as a couple

If your man sees you as his ‘plus one’, it is very likely that you are a part of his friends’ gatherings, especially the friends who are happily married. He thinks about marriage and since it is the next organic step to your relationship, he wants you to hang out with his closed group of friends.

He also wants you and them to know each other, and this is another sign that he is looking to have you in his life long term. If he invites you to gatherings and outings when his friends too come with their spouses, it is a sign that he thinks of you as his future wife too.

His friends know you

Gradually, his friends start to see you as a couple and believe that you will be married soon.

5. He doesn’t shy from acknowledging your relationship on social media

Social media has assumed a lot of importance in our lives these days. If your man tags you in cute meme’s or doesn’t hesitate to show off your relationship in public, it is evident that he is not shy to admit that you two are together.

If he is not afraid to show your relationship to the public, it is evident that he doesn’t look at this relationship as a short-term fling. He is in for the long haul and that should include marriage as well.

6. He looks to save money

If your man has suddenly started to cut down on his expenses or is looking to save money, he is definitely readying to get married and settle down with you. If he suggests opening a joint bank account, it indicates he is looking to solidify your bond. He may always be interested in planning for joint assets, or buying a property.

Money is a very fragile topic and if he shows his willingness to discuss the topic with you, it is a very good sign of him being interested in spending his life with you.

7. His children love you as much

If the man in question, is divorced or a widower with kids, he will ensure you connect with his kids if he is serious about you. If his intentions are to marry you someday, his family would already be aware about you and you may already feel the warmth and respect you deserve from his family.

He will never make you look like a stranger in front of his family and will ensure that you feel included in his life. He may not be able to spend a lot of time with you owing to his other priorities, but you will feel valued and welcomed every time.

8. He is interested in living with you

Has your guy invited you over to stay with him? Is he keen to live with you? Or are you already living-in together? Either way, if you are living together or he is keen to move in together it is a top sign he wants to marry you someday. Has he recently mentioned about getting a pet together?

He wants to live together

He may have given the keys to his apartment to you. He is ready to live with you because he probably believes marriage is just a formality. A guy who is sharing his belongings with you, lets you in his sacred space and works to resolve issues (if any), is surely looking to share his life with you.

9. He asks for and values your opinions

If your guy wants to marry you someday, it is important that he considers you important in his life. Egos and relationships do not last together and if your man can set aside his ego and ask for your opinion on something, it means he really values you. It is also an indication he looks upon you to be his advisor on things he cannot crack himself. He trusts in your abilities and feels confident in them.

The guy understands that once you get married, there will a ton of issues where in you will be taking common decisions. In a way, now that he knows your stand on different things, it becomes easier for him to decide his future with you.

10. He knows and remembers your likes and dislikes

The little things about you. Yes, so this man who is looking to make you his wife someday focuses on the little things. He knows the real you, all that you like and dislike and he pays attention to the little things. The slightest change in your looks, that little frown, that worry you are trying to mask behind a smile – he can see it all. And he will make it a point to know what’s happening right there and then.

Anything that holds relevance to you holds relevance to him. He considers you very important in his life and anything that concerns you, concerns him as well. He remembers all the important days and dates, he knows how you like your beverage and he remembers you hate those red roses. Because in the end, it’s all about little things.

11. He doesn’t shy from showing affection

He doesn't hide his love

If a man truly wants to marry you someday, he wouldn’t have any qualms about being affectionate and loving towards you. He wouldn’t hesitate to show his love for you in public or when he is with his friends. You can feel the pride he feels when he tells others that you are his girlfriend, and his gestures indicate you are his future wife as well. He may also act touchy-feely even when he is in public with you.

A man who is not hiding you and his love for you from others is a man who can be trusted.

12. He loves your family as his own

If a guy shows the same compassion, love and respect for your family as he does for his own, he is clearly looking to marry you someday. He does not think of you as just his girlfriend, but he gives it a whole big angle by taking care of your family as his own. He considers it his duty to ensure that your family is alright and becomes protective towards them.

13. He often brings up kids in his conversations

Having children is organic to many couples post marriage. If your man talks about how he wants to raise his kids or what he has planned for them in future, it indicates he is looking to have a family soon and is gathering your views on the same.

Perhaps he has already told you what he would like to name his son as, or how he wants them to grow up as. Perhaps he is loved by all kids and you can see his childish side the moment he sees a kid. This indicates he is looking to have you as the mother of his kids and that he will be a doting dad someday.

14. You are his go-person when he is in a mess

All of us get into messy situations in life. And during these phases, we turn to our most trusted friends and partners. While women are a pro at sharing things, men usually like to keep things to themselves. Yet, if your man opens up in front of you and shares his feelings, his disappointments, his triumphs and his sorrows with you, you can be certain that you are the woman he intends to spend his life with.

You are his support

During such times, you should refrain from judging him and restrain yourself from poking him too much. If he has confidence in you, be careful not to shake it as it can be a real deal breaker.

15. You can just feel it!

The last but the most important sign that a man is going to marry you someday is in the trust and belief you have in him. You can feel he treats you as his wife and you like it that way. You can feel both of you living as husband and wife in the near future. You can see it in the way he treats you, or the way your heart goes racing at the sight of him. If you feel so, it is likely to happen and your soulmate connection is just about to happen!

He may have never told it to your face rightaway, but if you are smiling reading this, you know these are exactly the things he does for you. You are also hoping to settle down with him and spend the rest of your life with him. Rest assured, you are happy and hopeful that the “Will You…” question will soon pop up.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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60 Conversation Starters For Dating Apps During The Coronavirus Pandemic

Though you can’t go out for drinks, your love life is still open for business. As more and more people hunker down in their homes, hitting it off with a new match can be just one click away. While the grocery store may be out of toilet paper, rest assured, there’s no shortage of conversation starters for dating apps during the coronavirus pandemic.

According to Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, licensed clinical psychologist at Therapy Group of NYC, while it’s important to remain informed about the spread of coronavirus, it can also be beneficial for your mental health to talk to about other things, too.

“Focus on aspects of your life that are going well and that you feel you have some control over,”Lopez Witmer tells Bustle. “Part of staying healthy is maintaining connection, intimacy, and sex. These things boost mood and help release those feel-good hormones in our brains!”

If you just made the best coconut chicken curry or can’t stop learning all the TikTok dances, bonding with your crush about random topics other than the virus can help you both relieve some COVID-19-induced anxiety.

Here are 60 ways to start a conversation with a new match during a global pandemic.

PeopleImages/E+/Getty Images

Rather Than: “Hey”

1. What’s your go-to quarantine outfit?

2. Tell me about the best meal you’ve cooked so far.

3. So, what’s the most annoying thing your roommate has done since quarantine began?

4. Have you started any new projects or hobbies?

5. What made you laugh today?

6. When’s the last time you called your family?

7. What was the highlight of your day? Mine was walking from the kitchen to my living room.

8. I’ve rearranged the furniture in my room three times. What indoor activities have you been up to?

9. I keep a phone charger in the living room and another one in my bedroom, so I don’t have to go back and forth when my phone dies. What’s your best quarantine life-hack?

10. OK, I am attempting to make my own cold brew. Stay tuned.

11. You’re lucky you caught me, I’ve been unbelievably busy these days, with all the TV-watching and pajama-wearing.

12. Settle a debate: My roommates are wondering if a cheese quesadilla can be considered a meal or a snack?

13. Does swiping through this dating app count as “indoor exercise”?

14. What’s the most impulsive thing you’ve done during quarantine? I cut my own hair last week, and we’re not going to talk about it.

15. My roommate’s cat has been giving me life these past weeks. Do you have any pets? (Or plants!)

16. What are you making for dinner tonight?

17. So, have you also gotten into baking sourdough bread?

18. I don’t know how everyone on the internet seems to be doing crafts and making things! I’m exhausted just from playing on my phone.

19. Do you find that working at home is better or worse than going into your office?

20. So, when’s the last time you showered? Be honest.

Rather Than: “What’s up?”

21. What’s the last book your read?

22. Are you listening to any good podcasts in quarantine?

23. OK, I’m desperate for a new corny movie or bad TV show to get into. What have you been watching?

24. What songs are on your quarantine dance party playlist?

25. I’m going through old photos and thinking about all the places I want to go to when this is over. Where’s the best place you’ve ever traveled to?

26. Ugh, remember going to bars? What’s your go-to spot to get a drink in the city.

27. I would give anything for an oat milk latte from Starbucks right now. What’s your favorite coffee place?

28. I can’t decide what I should wear to this virtual dance party tonight, can I get your opinion on these two outfits?

29. What are the three places or group activities are you missing most right now?

30. I’m thinking about turning my kitchen table into a mini-office. Do you have any work-from-home tips?

31. Hmmm, should I make pasta with pesto or pasta with red sauce tonight?

32. Currently taking any and all funny video recommendations. Please send anything that made you laugh today.

33. Love that photo of you on a hike! Are you finding ways to stay active during quarantine?

34. That’s so cool that you’re a yoga teacher — do you have any live-stream classes that you recommend?

35. I love that sweatshirt in your first photo, where do you buy your comfy clothes? I’m always looking to add some flare to my quarantine uniform.

36. Please tell me you made that amazing dinner in your second photo. What are you cooking during quarantine tips?

37. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? I would ride the subway just to ride it.

38. What’s something small about life before quarantine that you miss? I miss drinking coffee in a to-go cup and getting honked at by cab drivers when I’m crossing the street.

39. Do you have any tips on making my living room a better place to work out in?

40. OK, for my next Zoom meeting, do I make my background the coffee shop in Friends or a Beyoncé album cover?

Rather Than: “You’re cute.”

41. You know what they say — (social)distance makes the heart grow fonder.

42. Are you a hardware store or pharmacy? Because I want to get all up in your essential business.

43. Maybe if we hit it off, we can go back to my Zoom.

44. Excited to have some quality (Face)Time with you.

45. Did the sun come up, or did you just smile? No really, I haven’t been outside in four days and don’t know if the sun is up.

46. I’ve lost track of what day it is, but you matched me at just the right time.

47. I’ll put on my nicest sweatshirt for our FaceTime date.

48. I can’t take you out, but I can send some delivery to your house.

49. It’s a good thing I didn’t meet you at the grocery store today because I don’t think I could stay six feet away from you.

50. What’s the worst first message you’ve ever received on this app?

51. I need to be honest: I’m happy you get to see these cute pics of me because I haven’t worn real pants in a month.

52. So, where should we go on our IRL date? We have all the time in the world to plan it.

53. If we were safe to go out and about right now, where would you be taking me?

54. You’re so sexy. You’re like straight out of my quaran-dreams.

55. I bet you look cute even when you don’t shower for three days.

56. If I met you out in public right now, what would you be wearing?

57. Did you see the NYC Health Department statement on sex and COVID-19? It’s worth the read.

58. You’re a sight for quarantined-eyes.

59. If I could rearrange the letters in “quarantine,” I’d put “U” and “I” together.

60. You don’t have to be six feet tall, but you do have to be six feet away.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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How The Coronavirus Pandemic May Affect Dating Long-Term, According To 7 Experts

People keep referring to life after the world “gets back to normal,” but what will normal look like? After months of self-isolation and anxiety, social distancing will most likely affect dating long-term. But according to experts, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Instead of greeting each other with a handshake or hug, perhaps people will keep their distance. Until you get to know someone, you might not feel the need to rush into a no-strings-attached hookup. And while many daters will probably continue conducting themselves as they typically would, the fear provoked by the pandemic may continue to loom overhead.

“People don’t like to be told what to do, and in addition, very few people do what is best for them,” Lynell Ross, a certified health and wellness coach, behavior change specialist, and relationship expert, tells Bustle. Although public health officials are recommending social distancing for months to come, that doesn’t guarantee everyone will follow those guidelines.

“It will be up to each individual to decide what advice they will listen to, and how they will proceed with dating and socializing,” Ross says. And for many, that will mean continuing to social distance and connect with partners over dating apps, video chat, and text.

Two Asian woman chatting and drinking coffee at cafe.
Shutterstock

Therapists Believe Dating Will Slow Down

As people replace in-person meetings with online conversations, the pace of dating has been gradually slowing down. And that’s a trend Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, sees continuing into the future.

“Daters are emotionally connecting more, which is going to impact dating long-term in a positive way,” she tells Bustle. “[They] are naturally talking more and opening up to each other and really connecting.”

Those looking for serious relationships will see the benefits of getting to know their potential partners a bit better before becoming too invested. What do they want for the future? What are their likes and dislikes? By chatting online and having these discussions early on, they’ll get their answers upfront.

If you did end up meeting someone during quarantine, experts believe your relationship will likely be off to a good start. “Coming out of this, couples will feel more connected and bonded and stronger overall,” Bronstein says.

Dating Coaches Say People Will Be Pickier

According to Lana Otoya, a professional dating coach from Millennialships, dating will eventually go back to the way it was pre-pandemic.

“This is because so much of dating is based on sex and sexual chemistry, and this is something that comes across greatly only while speaking to others in person,” she tells Bustle. “Humans want to connect in person, so once the bans and lockdowns are lifted, dating life will go back to normal.”

Otoya predicts that people will feel that magnetic energy, just like they always have. But one thing that might change? How good you are at weeding out potential partners from those you have nothing in common with.

Since people have been using Zoom and FaceTime to talk to potential dates, they’ve gotten used to reading people and figuring out what they’re truly like, right from their living rooms. And that skill will carry into the outside world, Otoya says, and make for stronger relationships.

A Dating App Founder Thinks Virtual Dating Isn’t Going Anywhere

The world was once swipe-based, Dawoon Kang, the co-founder and co-CEO of the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, tells Bustle. But going forward, she predicts daters will be in less of a rush.

“We can take the time to go deeper with one person at a time — give each person a proper chance,” Kang says. “I think ‘slow dating’ can actually be a faster way to find that type of genuine connection you might be looking for.”

Singles are also more open to using virtual dating than ever before. “For the past month, we’ve been surveying our US users on a weekly basis to see how the pandemic is affecting their dating lives,” she says. “The biggest trend we’ve noticed is that singles are increasingly becoming more open to virtual dating.”

During the week of April 13, 84% of US singles said they were open to a virtual first date, Kang says, and nearly half plan to text or video chat with their matches, while 38% plan to call more.

Public Health Experts Predict People Will (Literally) Take Up Space

Although it’s only been a couple of months since people last mixed and mingled in public, social distancing rules will be ingrained in people’s brains for a while, Carol Winner, MPH, MSE, a public health expert and founder of give space, tells Bustle. And that’ll stick with you as you venture back into public spaces.

“Proximity is a new issue for many people, and it will have an impact on the way singles date for at least a year,” she says. “Less kissing on the first date or even holding hands is to be expected.” Picture yourself going for a socially-distant walk, or having lengthy convos on the phone, before meeting up IRL for the first time.

“It’s not about being modest or prude; it’s about community health,” Winner says. “Recovering from the effects of a global pandemic doesn’t happen overnight, and some things will change indefinitely. People will be vigilant about who they spend time with within the next year or so.”

A Behavioral Expert Foresees A Return To Singledom

Tracy Crossley, a behavioral relationship expert, believes more people will want to remain single after coronavirus, as it’ll be a while before they feel comfortable around strangers again. Fear will play a role, she says, so you may find other ways to be social that don’t involve dating, kissing, or having sex.

That said, it’s possible you’ll respond by jumping into bed with someone who isn’t necessarily a good match, simply because you missed being around people, Crossley says, adding there are many possible outcomes.

The third option, she says, is that people will continue to take time to self-reflect and think about what they want in a partner, and then slowly get to know someone without being in a rush. “People either come together or go the other direction,” she says, “and it will continue to be a diverse universe as individuals are not all the same.”

Matchmakers Expect Your Priorities To Shift

People’s perception of their “ideal partner” will change after the coronavirus pandemic, Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. “We are going through a life-changing situation making […] dating wants and needs a lot clearer,” she says. Facing a global health crisis can reframe your priorities, what you want, and where you’d like to see your life go.

Communication skills have also been improving for everyone stuck at home, as we text and video chat with cute strangers. “Even though touching in a relationship is bonding, so is talking about your hopes and dreams,” Trombetti says. “Whether consciously or not, this will carry over into relationships for a while, which is a plus.”

Psychiatrists Warn That A New Vetting Process Is In Order

Psychiatrists believe that everyone’s fears won’t be alleviated until, to some degree, a vaccine is found for COVID-19. “Some level of caution may be simmering in the background, but whether or not someone is vaccinated for COVID-19 will not likely be at the top of people’s minds when dating three years from now,” Dr. Margaret Seide, a board-certified psychiatrist, tells Bustle.

Until then, she says people likely adopt a stronger vetting process when it comes to dating. “There will be much communication prior to meeting up,” Seide says. “Daters will be selective about with whom they are willing to meet.” And that may mean asking more personal questions, including their line of work and who they live with. “People will essentially be weighing out your corona exposure risk factors before meeting you,” she says. “That’s reasonable; it’s a new world.”

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC or NHS 111 in the UK for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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