If You’ve Managed To Do 7/66 Of These Things While In Quarantine, You’re Doing Great

Woke up before noon

Got out of bed

Made your bed

Changed out of your PJs

Worn something besides sweatpants

Put on makeup

Washed your hands

Remembered to have breakfast

Took a shower

Brushed your hair

Brushed your teeth once a day

Brushed your teeth twice a day

Shaved your legs

Shaved your beard

Shaved under your arms

Done the dishes at least one time

Done the dishes daily

Walked your dog

Made lunch

Cooked dinner

Had a good night’s sleep

Worked from home

Participated in a work meeting

Attended school online

Paid attention for more than five minutes in an online class or meeting

Checked your email

Responded to an email

Survived a day of homeschooling your kid

Talked to your parents

Talked to your friends

Used Zoom or FaceTime

Taught yourself how to use Zoom

Taught a family member how to use Zoom

Used a funny background on a Zoom call

Played a game with your friends on Zoom

Did laundry at least once

Cleaned your room

Just picked one singular item off the floor

Took out the trash

Changed your bedsheets

Cleaned out a cluttered closet/shelf

Deep-cleaned your house

Baked something (bonus points if it’s bread)

Cooked a meal you’ve never made before

Made whipped coffee

Gone on a (socially distant!) walk

Finished an entire TV show

Finished a book

Gave in a finally bought Animal Crossing

Cut your own hair

Dyed your own hair

Attempted a DIY

Gotten all dressed up just because

Put on a face mask

Done any form of exercise (Like literally at least one single sit-up is valid)

Done yard work

Painted your nails

Done a puzzle

Gone to the grocery store

Tried knitting or crocheting

Helped someone do groceries

Made a sign to thank first responders

Sewed face masks

 

How many did you get?

 

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 4

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

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Great… Now We Have Murder Hornets

Kobe Bryant dies in a helicopter crash.

Covid 19 paralyzes the planet.

UFO videos released by the government.

And now… Murder Hornets!

 

Just when you thought 2020 could not get any worse. Now we have giant hornets with freakish eyes and a venomous sting to add to this year’s long list of worries.

 

For the first time, Asian giant hornets have been spotted in the United States, specifically in Washington state, scientists say. Beekeepers have reported piles of dead bees with their heads ripped off, an alarming sight in a country with a rapidly declining bee population.
At more than two inches long, they’re the world’s largest hornets with a sting that can kill humans if stung multiple times, according to experts at the Washington State University. The giant insects are nicknamed “murder hornets.”
“They’re like something out of a monster cartoon with this huge yellow-orange face,” Susan Cobey, a bee breeder at the Washington State University’s department of entomology, said recently.

A size comparison of the Asian giant hornet and several other insects

How did they come to the US?

Scientists don’t know how these giant hornets native to Asia ended up in Washington state.
They can sometimes be transported in international cargo, according to Seth Truscott with WSU’s college of agricultural, human and natural resource sciences.
The giant hornet was first spotted in the state in December, and scientists believe it started becoming active again last month, when queens emerge from hibernation to build nests and form colonies.
“Hornets are most destructive in the late summer and early fall, when they are on the hunt for sources of protein to raise next year’s queens,” Truscott said on the WSU’s Insider.
“They attack honey bee hives, killing adult bees and devouring bee larvae and pupae, while aggressively defending the occupied colony,” he added. “Their stings are big and painful, with a potent neurotoxin. Multiple stings can kill humans, even if they are not allergic.”

What should you do if you spot one?

Washington state agricultural officials are asking beekeepers and residents to report any sightings of the giant hornets. But don’t get too close. Its sting can penetrate a regular beekeeper’s suit, and state scientists had to order special reinforced suits.
“Don’t try to take them out yourself if you see them,” said entomologist Chris Looney of the state Department of Agriculture. “If you get into them, run away, then call us! It is really important for us to know of every sighting, if we’re going to have any hope of eradication.”
State officials are asking people in Whatcom, Skagit, Island, San Juan, Jefferson and Clallam counties to be especially vigilant.

When are they most destructive?

The giant hornets especially target bees between late summer and the fall.
“The most likely time to catch Asian giant hornets is from July through October — when colonies are established and workers are out foraging,” the Washington State Department of Agriculture said in a statement. “Traps can be hung as early as April if attempting to trap queens, but since there are significantly fewer queens than workers, catching a queen isn’t very likely.”
State officials set up traps and launched an app to quickly report sightings, saying just a few of the hornets can devastate a hive within hours.
Bees pollinate plants producing fruit, nuts and vegetables, and are crucial to the nation’s food industry. Attack by the hornets risks decimating bees, which are already on endangered lists due to their sharply declining numbers.

Murder Hornets,' with sting that can kill, land in US - ABC News

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If He Doesn’t Do These 12 Things, It’s Time For You To Walk Away

Finding a good man is hard these days. So when you have one, you really have to hold on tight. It’s easy to get confused by the hundreds of imposters you’ll become acquainted with during your lifetime. Luckily, there are ways to determine which ones are keepers in this chaotic world. Basically, if he doesn’t do these basic things in your relationship, you should dump him immediately.

Respect you.

He doesn’t always have to open the door for you, but he should at least treat you like his equal. He shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself or degrade you. Instead, he should be lifting you up and constantly reminding you that your opinions and beliefs are valid. If he doesn’t respect you, leave him.

Make an effort.

Once you make it official, he shouldn’t stop trying. He should still initiate dates or spontaneous adventures, surprise you with flowers just because, or do whatever he can to remind you that he loves you and wants your relationship to work.

Tell you he loves you.

Once it’s openly said (because let’s be real — it’s daunting at first), he’ll always remind you how much he loves you. His communication will be open, honest and never-ending — so he better keep expressing himself to you.

Make you laugh.

He doesn’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but he should at least make you laugh every once in a while. Whether it’s a funny comment about something he’s getting passionate about or something stupid that makes you laugh and roll your eyes, there should be something. You should laugh and have fun with your S.O.

Listen to you.

When you talk about things of importance to you or your feelings, he should be all ears. If he cares, he’ll pay attention and will remember those conversations. Who knows, he might just surprise you every once in a while by remembering something from those old convos.

Show you off.

He doesn’t have to post endless pictures on Instagram, but he should still hold your hand in public and introduce you to people he knows. He should be eager to intertwine you with his life and make sure everyone important to him knows who you are too. If he doesn’t, I’d leave him.

Make you orgasm.

It is the 20s all over again, but it doesn’t mean the 1920s. The world is progressive and he should please you as much as you please him. One way or another, he’ll find a way and will succeed. If he doesn’t, he’s just selfish, clueless, and an idiot.

Comfort you when you need it.

He may not know exactly what you need in the moment, but over time he’ll learn how to comfort you correctly. He won’t be scared by a few tears. Instead, he’ll pull you in for a hug and listen to what you need to vent about.

Try new things.

It’s easy to fall into a comfortable pattern in relationships but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try new things. Whether it’s going to a cooking class just for shits and giggles or going on vacation to a place you want to go to and he doesn’t — he should make the effort to do it with you.

Make you feel beautiful.

If you feel bloated, are covered in back zits, or have hairy armpits — he should always convince you that you’re beautiful. And when you argue with him on that topic, he’ll stand strong and give you more reasons he finds you gorgeous. You’ll never doubt that he sees your beauty.

Be honest with you.

Trust and truth go hand in hand when dating, and honesty is always important. He won’t lie, and if he does, he’ll tell you the truth when you confront him. And chances are if he’s lying, it’s probably about a surprise he has planned for you. He’ll have nothing to hide otherwise. Dishonesty is a big reason to leave him.

Encourage you whenever you need it.

He’ll always be your number one cheerleader, and will give you every reason to pursue your dreams even when you’re deep in doubt. He’s seen your potential, knows your drive and will convince you that you are capable of anything.

Obviously some things go unsaid, like being faithful and committed. However, a lot of these other crucial traits need to be emphasized but often aren’t. Without them, your relationship is doomed. So if your man doesn’t do these things, you may want to find one that does as soon as you possibly can. Stop wasting your time!

 

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

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Coronavirus is no time for sobriety – a drink or two can make this crisis bearable

The recent suggestion that we turn lockdown into “Dry Covid” is pompous at best, ambulance-chasing at worst. There’s a time and place to judge other people’s behaviour – now is not it.

Ian Hamilton’s call to arms is ostensibly a response to the government categorizing off-licenses as an essential service – although I’d argue this does not mean the government deems alcohol essential, but rather that it should be essential to offer it to those who want it. They sell Dairy Milk in off-licenses, but this doesn’t mean they too are essential.

Hamilton’s suggestion that being able to buy booze at a petrol station but not to drink and drive suggests an “incoherent” governmental to alcohol is itself incoherent. It suggests buyers feel compelled to drink what they’ve bought as they drive off. Presumably, there are swathes of brickwork next to hardware stores absolutely dripping with Dulux.

Yet more troubling than the illogicality of Hamilton’s argument are the psychological and sociological consequences of forcing the UK should spend lockdown in Mormonesque sobriety.

Before that horse bolts, it’s important to say I’m not disputing the facts around excessive alcohol consumption (mental illness, kidney and liver damage, among others). Nor am I dismissing the World Health Organisation’s advice that alcohol has a negative effect on immunity, something we certainly don’t want during a pandemic. But it’s just as important to appreciate that there’s a spectrum of alcohol use.

I know what addiction feels like (and, thankfully, how sobriety does; a whole decade of it so far). I’m public about my past, and this has opened up hundreds of conversations. Many of the people I speak to want to know whether going above the government limit on units makes them a soak. It doesn’t – not least because this limit has been shown by those who came up with it to be arbitrary. It means you are one of millions of Britons who relax with a pint, a glass of wine, a G&T.

Alcohol dependence and using alcohol to cope are different beasts. Having a drink to unwind at the end of the day – particularly given the circumstances – doesn’t make you an alcoholic. Shaming and stigmatizing those who enjoy an occasional drink is likely to lead to more irresponsible drinking.

What we’re faced with right now is scary – and we need a way to collectively cope. So let’s have a drink – hell, let’s have two. A pandemic is not the moment to get on our high horses about one of the few things that make it more bearable.

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

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Digital Dating Has Been Around Forever. So Why Are We Acting Like It’s New?

Whether you’ve been going on first dates over FaceTime, attending sex parties on Zoom, or exchanging explicit photos via text, digital dating during the coronavirus pandemic has been having a major moment. But it’s not its first moment — or even its second or third. Sure, better technology is now making it easier to connect with strangers than ever before. (And I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I had to go through this without high-speed wifi, which, I know, is a very first world perspective, and also very true.) But anyone who gets a little dopamine hit when they see the phrase “a/s/l” knows that online dating is in no way, shape, or form a product of being stuck in self-isolation. It’s been around for a while. In fact, it’s how I met my first lover.

My first introduction to the world of online dating was reading over my older sister’s shoulder while she chatted with strangers on our family’s desktop. By the time I was 12, I was sneaking into those AOL chat rooms myself. By then, I’d had my period for two years, was wearing a C-cup bra, and was more than a little curious about sex. I also knew, from my sister’s experience, that age, sex, and location weren’t questions that people who were looking to make “friends” asked. In other words, they were all looking to “cyber.”

These messages gave me a chance to explore different kinds of sex without actually having sex.

My first full-on digital relationship started in an AOL chat room and moved over to AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), with a man whose screen name was xXAnaxagorasXx. (Mine was madonnaminime.) He sent me photos of his face from when he was younger, and I sent him one overexposed polaroid of me. We didn’t send each other any explicit photos (this was before camera phones, and you had to literally scan anything you sent online), but we did talk a lot about BDSM-y things we wanted to do with each other.

In my memory, those conversations were extremely scandalous. In reality, they were probably fairly tame, at least by my 2020 standards. Regardless, those messages gave me a chance to explore different kinds of sex without actually having sex. They were a safe space for me to examine my desires and to feel desired, to figure out what turned me on, and to turn someone else on. They were integral to my development as a sexual person.

Myisha Battle, a Bay Area sex and dating coach and host of the positive sex podcast Down for Whatever, tells Bustle that conversations about what you’re into, even if you can’t do those things together, can be a great way to avoid “sexual misalignment.”

“A big part of dating is trying to find people with whom you feel safe and comfortable being your full sexual self,” Battle tells Bustle. “Even if you’re keeping relationships purely digital, there should be some amount of sexy talk and flirtation to give clues about what you value in a sexual relationship.”

I don’t remember what happened to xXAnaxagorasXx or why we stopped talking. But that experience primed me for future dating and relationships, including the guy I connected with via G-chat about 10 years ago, with whom I exchanged digital audio files and smutty photos. He would record talking dirty to me and masturbate, send me the files, and then I would masturbate to them and record my responses over his. The result was an audio file that sounded like we were having sex in person, despite the fact that we never actually met IRL.

I’m not the only person who’s been experimenting with full-on sexual and romantic digital relationships over the past couple of decades. Take, for example, that episode of PEN15, where Maya meets a guy on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) called “Flymiamibro22” who she thinks is much older and who becomes her “boyfriend.” Or more than half of the relationships on 90 Day Fiancé. Or your uncle who met a woman on Match.com who he moved to Minnesota for. Or even just that one person you exchanged dirty messages with on Tinder before getting bored and blocking them. We’ve all been woven into a long, interconnected web of virtual relationships for years, without even knowing we’re part of history.

“Online dating has been around in a variety of forms since about the mid-’90s, with Match.com starting in 1995 and celebrating its 25th anniversary this year,” Dr. Nicola Fox Hamilton, Ph.D., a cyberpsychologist, tells Bustle. “However, people were meeting online before official dating sites existed, and continue to meet and form relationships outside of online dating now. Gaming, online communities, and social media are all popular meeting places.”

Virtual-first and digital-only dating and relationships may feel novel right now, but we’ve practiced for this. Is this your first time dipping your toes into the “a/s/l” dating pool? If so, welcome! It’s a very weird and very fun world you’re about to enter. And the possibilities are, quite literally, infinite.

 

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

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How Do You Know When It’s Really Over?

Most people I have coached or treated were in relationships they knew were over for a year or so before they actually ended it.

This is actually really common. It happens for many reasons. Fear of leaving something. Fear of being alone. Guilt of hurting someone. Hope that it will get better. Not sure if it’s you or if the relationship really isn’t repairable. Not wanting to be the one who ends it. Thinking you can change someone. Not wanting to live with something that has “failed”. Kids. Not wanting to move out or ruin the living arrangement. So many reasons. And it doesn’t matter if they’re valid or not. They are all real.

So then how do you know if the relationship is truly over and it’s time to move on?

I think this is one of the most difficult life questions to answer. It really is. I’ve struggled with it so many times.

But here’s the truth.

You will never really really know if the relationship is truly over. I’ve seen relationships rise from the dead. I’ve seen people rebuild after cheating and lying. I’ve seen people who can’t stand each other fall in love again. There are so many factors, controllable and uncontrollable in a relationship that comes into play. There are so many internal shifts that can happen that are unexpected. There are revelations we have daily that change the dynamic and our choices. We are indecisive creatures who change like the wind, depending on our feelings and our thoughts. F*ck, I’m one of the most indecisive people I know.

So it’s not about knowing if the relationship is truly over. Because miracles happen. Because anything’s possible. Because people change. Because there is no relationship doctor that can predict outcomes with one hundred percent certainty.

It’s about asking yourself this one simple question.

Is the relationship causing you to break up with yourself?

Let me explain.

First, let’s talk about what that actually means. Are you losing yourself? Are you drifting from who you truly are? Do you no longer like yourself, respect yourself, know yourself? Do you feel invisible and powerless and have no sense of who you are anymore? Do you feel hollow?

Many blame their relationship because they’re at a sh*tty place in their life. If that’s the case, you have to own your own sh*t and rebuild yourself. As you rebuild yourself, the dynamic of the relationship will change. Or maybe it won’t if the other person is done. Remember, you’re only fifty percent of any relationship and that’s what makes knowing if it’s truly over impossible.

On the flip side, if it is your relationship that’s causing you to break up with you, then it’s just a matter of time before you become so unhappy it’s over. There is a ticking clock and for some, depending on your fears, your story, your definitions, and so many things, it could be months or it could take a year.

But it shouldn’t be a waiting game.

And this is the part I really want italicize. This is what I would like for you to take away from this article, if anything. Especially if you’re in something right now and you don’t know what to do because you don’t know if it’s truly over.

(Assuming you’re not in an abusive relationship. If you’re in an emotional or physically abusive relationship, and your partner is doing nothing to change him or herself, it’s over.)

Don’t. Just. Wait.

For the other person or the relationship to magically change.

Do something. I can tell you it’s your responsibility but I’m going to take another approach. There’s nothing worse than leaving something knowing you could have done more. Trust me. I’ve had to carry that and it’s heavy and it sucks.

So what do you do?

Besides the obvious like couples counseling and communication, you start to rebuild your relationship with yourself.

So many people think repairing a relationship only has to do with the dynamic and the other person and forget about the relationship with themselves.

So then the big question is what does it look like to start working on the relationship with yourself?

It’s going to look different for everyone of course. I can tell you what it looked like for me.

Lots of being still.

For most of my life, I’ve lived with noise. Drowning in my thoughts. You have to be still to think clearly or you’re just reacting. If you want to connect with yourself, you have to minimize the mental chatter. I lived from my chest. Connecting with me meant connecting to my breath and staying out of my head.

Seeking new experiences.

We learn about ourselves through new experiences. Not through our thoughts. And new experiences don’t just fall on our lap. We have to seek them. That means we have to give them to ourselves. In these new experiences, I started to create new beliefs about myself.

Having non-negotiables.

When you negotiate too much, you start drifting from you. Non-negotiables created a framework for me to start rebuilding me. I created non-negotiables with friends, work, career, etc.

Committing to promises I made to myself (this is how you build self-esteem).

When it came to promises I made to myself, I talked a lot of sh*t but rarely did anything. You can’t build self-esteem if you keep breaking promises you’ve made to yourself. The action of keeping promises to you is what loving yourself looks like. This is how I started to trust myself again.

Standing on my truth.

I stopped exchanging my truth for membership. I started to care less about what others thought and did what I felt was honest to me. In all areas of my life. Period.

Finding my voice.

I lost my voice many years ago. And when you lose your voice, you live muted. And that’s not living. That’s existing. I allowed myself to be heard again. Not only by speaking up but also through creative expression like writing.

Discovering my wants and needs, and knowing the difference.

You have to know what you want before you can actually give yourself that. So I started to discover what I wanted and didn’t want. In all areas of my life. But before that, you have to know what you need. And that comes before your wants. It’s the foundation.

Finding a sense of purpose.

I never really had a sense of purpose. So I just floated through life chasing things. Purpose gave me tracks. And it pulled me out of my own unhappiness because there was now something greater.

I worked out but never really connected to my body. Movement through my body made me feel whole and complete instead of just having parts.

Finally liking myself.

I finally started liking myself by accepting myself. All parts of me as I started to let go of my insecurities and practice self-love and compassion. I realized how insignificant all of that stuff was in the bigger picture. I guess I never had a bigger picture before.

As you go through this process of rediscovering and reconnecting with yourself, your relationship with your partner will either get better or worse. You guys will grow closer or drift apart. Naturally. Because as you change, the dynamic of your relationship will change. You will either rediscover love with your partner or drift.

And that’s when you will truly know if it’s over.

 

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Coronavirus And Dating: Now Is Actually A Good Time To Strike Up Relationships, Experts Say

The fear of COVID-19 is causing many in the dating world to put things on pause. With the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encouraging people to practice social distancing, some say that makes dating impossible. Experts, on the other hand, have a very different opinion.

“It’s actually a great time to date,” said Dr. Tari Mack, a psychologist and relationship coach in the Chicago area. She’s also the author of the book, Every Relationship Is a Test. “It is creating a new culture where people can actually get to know each other instead of rushing into sex.”

Dr. Mack currently has clients who are now doing virtual wine dates with potential partners using apps like FaceTime, Zoom, or Google Hangouts. “The message is you don’t have to put dating on hold,” she said. “Long-term relationships need friendship and this allows people to build that.”

Bela Gandhi is a nationally known relationship expert based in Chicago. She runs smartdatingacademy.com and said people are continuing to date but in a different way.

“People aren’t meeting in person, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t activity.” So much so that Gandhi holds Instagram lives on @smartdatingacademy and many singles tune in to ask questions about navigating the dating world during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Like Dr. Mack, Gandhi said social distancing prevents people from hooking up too fast. “You can create really good rich connections with people using Zoom or FaceTime,” she said, adding that activity on dating apps hasn’t changed since COVID-19. In fact, it’s increased.

CBS 2 spoke with folks at Bumble.com, a dating app where women make the first move. A representative echoed the same thing: Usage has remained steady and in trend for this time of the year. The app is also encouraging users to utilize built-in features like voice call and video chat during this time.

Representatives at Match.com said they are encouraging users to do the same and to avoid in-person dating for the time being.

CBS 2 also spoke with Chicago singles. Some said they are too concerned with everyday worries that come with COVID-19, such as the stress of finding essentials at the store, that dating isn’t a priority right now.

“Of course I’m not going to go out and meet a stranger that might be sick, said Bailey Boyle, who is open to virtual dating. “When you’re thinking about whether or not you’re going to be able to wipe your butt, the last thing on your mind is a dating app.”

Others are choosing to put dating on hold so they can focus on their families.

“Right now I have so much concern for my family and their health and I cannot take on someone else’s additional baggage,” said Karen Belgrad. “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a stranger.”

Then there are those doing who agree with the dating experts.

“Video chat first, get to know one another without the small talk and then see if you still want to meet once this madness is over,” said Nazy Hosseini.

 

 

If you think you’re showing symptoms of coronavirus, which include fever, shortness of breath, and cough, call your doctor before going to get tested. If you’re anxious about the virus’s spread in your community, visit the CDC for up-to-date information and resources, or seek out mental health support.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cherie – Chapter 70 – Epilogue

This is my most dreaded post to write. I mean, to be honest, I’m not filled with dread, but it’s just sad I need to write another one of these.

But everything that begins… ends.

There’s no forever in this world.

Cherie and I had a decent run for a year and a half. More than I could have expected at my age.

But I think going into this one I knew it had an expiration date. I loved Cherie and still do, but this time, and probably for the first time I didn’t go into this one  ‘in love with the idea of love.’

It’s odd how our relationship ended. Normally there are words and feelings and break up words. But this time there was nothing.

That’s never happened to me.

Where someone I was in an intimate relationship with just sort of faded away. You’ve read the previous chapters and it just sort of fell apart.

I was fine with how things were, and would have done whatever necessary to preserve it, but I could feel things were falling apart for a while.

Cherie’s silly hostility towards me because she missed me was juvenile, and was a waste of time. Just be nice, and enjoy the time we have together. We both realize, we’re both busy, but when we can be together don’t squander it with your attitude.

I’m good to you, Cherie.

Unlike my relationship with Annabelle, I went into this relationship on high alert. I had to protect my heart from the devastating effects of a break up, so I went into this knowing that things may not work out.

Unlike all of my other relationships. Where I fall madly in love and then the reality hits and I’m destroyed at the end of it for the next two years. That didn’t happen this time.

I loved my time with Cherie which is so well documented here. Probably my most detailed relationship. I walked down the street with Cherie and thought, ‘wife’ she was so sweet and chill.

But was it doomed from the start or would it have even worked long-term?

She lived 40 miles away. She lives with her parents at 30 and has a 7-year-old son who has behavior and emotional issues. Cherie has her own set of health problems. She works at CHOP which is a great deal for life, but you have to fly straight. Baby mama drama with the ex-husband. Financial issues. Over run by school and trying to graduate from Temple with your BS in psychology. The problems with your car. The problems with your family.

It all seemed to overwhelm her.

It seemed from her words that she wanted things to go back to the way they were when we first met, but she mentally and physically couldn’t go back there.

To me, all she needed to do was un-fuck her attitude and just come here and I’d take care of all the love and pleasure.

That one time she came here with her head in a knot, once we had sex, she was fine.

I know sex isn’t the solution to relationship issues, but a good rogering always helps smoothing out things between couples.

But it was just a band-aid on a bigger problem.

Cherie and I come from two different worlds. Our time together met the end of each others needs.

But only temporarily.

Cherie had been broken from a bankrupt relationship she had with a woman she loved. That woman used her for money and sex, and ended up abandoning her.

She had a kid at 17 from an older white guy who already had a family.

She worked at MacDonald’s for 10 years.

If this isn’t a black woman’s guide to hard knocks I don’t know what is.

I love Cherie and I’m so proud of her. But she’s been burned and her tolerance for enduring long-term pain is low at this point.

Her friends told her to get out there and date again and she reluctantly agreed.

That’s when she met a 55-year-old white man on Tinder.

She had talked to people on that app but the only date she ever went on was with me.

I’m that convincing.

Why should she ever be with someone like me?

A solitary cat who has finally come to know himself. He loves to work and be busy. He gets his energy from people he meets every day. He writes a dating blog that publishes everyday and has failed in ever relationship he’s ever been in. He makes horrible decisions in regard to romance. He always dates young women. They love him for his charm and grace, but they all leave him for the same reason. He doesn’t want to get married again or have any more kids.

My daughter, Lorelei is plenty.

You would think this would be a perfect scenario. Hot, smart, fit black girl who loves sex and is super chill and doesn’t want any more kids. I did too. And so did my friends. I would tell them about my new girlfriend and some would say… it sounds like a booty call.

Because we hardly ever got to see each other.  I was always working and so was she with CHOP, school and her son.

I think after a period of time that distance took a toll on our relationship.

It would on anybody. When I saw her it was magic, but there was too much time on the in between with me and Cherie.

It wasn’t me, because I like distance. I like to work and be busy, and not be in a day-to-day relationship. But I think the distance and time away destroyed Cherie.

When she did come here she seemed distant and bitter, which I didn’t understand. I thought, ‘you’re here. be happy, I’ll love you and please you.’

But that didn’t happen. She would be shitty to me in my presence and then apologize for it later in text.

Sadly for Cherie, I have very low tolerance for nonsense in my life now and her behavior didn’t bode well with me.

And having gone into this relationship with her with a clear mind of what could happen I was ready for its end.

In the beginning it was sweet, but quickly became aggressively sexual on her end.

I’m honored and blessed a fit hot baby wants me to be with me. This shouldn’t even be happening between me and a girl on the right side of 30, but it is.

She seems perfect. She wants to crawl into the back seat of her Saab and get it on. I’m resisting. I want to get to know her.

I’m always that way. I love dating.

Dating is so elegant and beautiful.

It’s courtship.

Sex is sex.

We all get it. It’s the end, really.

But dating is sooo romantic. Romance is the best part of every relationship.

It’s new and feels so good.

I’ve worked in sales my whole life. Once you’ve closed. The client’s just in the system.

The sex with Cherie was glorious.

She’s probably the only woman I ever met whose brain is really directed to her libido.

That guitar goes straight to the amp.

I’ve been with all the hottest women and they have so many problems, thoughts, ideas, switches, buttons, issues with sex and it’s a sad failure. They can’t get their train into the station and it’s mostly in their heads and stuff they learned from shitty magazines and their peers.

But Cherie….

Her signal is so clear and strong, she comes 15 times during straight up sex, because she’s in tune with her body.

That is so beautiful.

I’ll miss that.

I’ll miss being the hero that brought her that level of joy.

I’m honored at my age to have been able to give a woman that level of pleasure.

But the weight of her life has cast us asunder.

 

I think we’re done.

 

I haven’t heard from her and am actually relieved I don’t have to deal with this.

I know it seems weird but I think we both saw it coming.

We could have stayed the same but I just felt like I was losing her.

Nothing can stay the same.

Relationships need to grow. My last 3 haven’t. There’s a pattern here.

I need to stop.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. Maybe I should just date.

Anyway at this moment loyal readers, I am pretty sure it’s over between Cherie and I.

That’s it. It’s finished.

I’m sad and sorry.

 

 

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