Some people are just really difficult to let go of. That’s one of the lasting side effects of having loved someone. And often, the stronger the love, the more difficult it will be to let go of it all and move on with your life, especially if you spend a lot of time remembering how good it once was and believing it could be that good again. Even when you come to accept that it is time to move on, it is not always easy to get over someone you think you’ll never get over.
Losing someone you thought was your forever person may leave you feeling blindsided, and your first instinct might be to try to get back with them. But even if you have fully decided you definitely want to get over this person (which is a major step in itself, so congrats), there can still be a long road ahead for you. However, it is important to remember that you will not always feel like this. In fact, there are a number of steps you can take to get out of this funk faster and get on your way back to a happier, healthier place in life.
1. Give It Time
Time really can heal all wounds. How much time, however, depends on the individual. If this is someone you never imagined yourself moving on from, then you’re probably going to need more time than you imagine. But move on you shall — as long as you let yourself.
“Allow yourself to feel sad, to cry, to simply grieve the loss of something that could have been, but don’t let it paralyze you,” LA-based relationship therapist Dr. Gary Brown previously explained to phicklephilly.
So don’t rush moving on; just slow down a bit, and take the time you need to just heal.
2. Get Some Closure
Getting closure is one of the best ways you can understand why you two wouldn’t have worked out. Regardless of whether you were dumped or you were the one doing the dumping, if you’re still hung up on this person, then you’re going to need to do some digging.
Maybe you’re bad for each other. Maybe the timing was just never right. Or maybe you two just didn’t have it in you to keep trying to make the relationship work.
Whatever it is, find the reason (or, often, reasons) you need to let go, and hang on to that instead. “Remember specific examples of things they said or did, or didn’t say or didn’t do as a reminder” of why you two might not have worked out in the long term, Dr. Brown said.
3. Focus On Yourself
If you’ve spent a significant amount of time focused on someone else, once they’re out of your life, it may be hard to refocus back onto yourself. But self-care is essential. “I encourage clients to get ‘back to themselves’ by reconnecting to their inner pulse, their internal thoughts and feelings,” Liz Higgins, LMFT and founder of Millennial Life Counseling, suggested. One way to do this, she said, is by journaling: “This could be as basic as giving yourself 10 minutes a day to just write the thoughts that come to you, or to pick structured prompts like ‘five things I’m grateful for in my life’ or ‘qualities I feel I brought/bring to my relationships.’”
There are a number of things you can do to make sure you’re prioritizing yourself. Find what feels good for you.
4. Remember There Are Other People Out There
“Just remember that there’s mathematically more than just one person who you can be happy with,” Dr. Brown noted. “Don’t get hung up on the false idea that there’s only one.”
Of course, getting yourself to the point where you’re ready to seriously date other people is difficult, and you shouldn’t move on to this step until you feel you’re actually ready to do it — not just for your sake, but for the sake of your potential future partner.
“You are hurting, and if you don’t want others to hurt you, don’t hurt others by using them to get over your negative emotions,” Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist (DHS, MA, BA) and founder of Eros Coaching, previously told phicklephilly.
5. Understand Loss Is Part Of Life
Moving on can be extremely painful, but as Dr. Lee said, the is part of being human. “Pain tells us we are alive — we can stay with [it], embrace it and work through it one breath at time and one day at a time,” she said. So, even though it might hurt at the beginning, these steps toward getting over someone will ultimately help you feel better, and hopefully work toward a better, more fulfilling future for yourself.
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