8 Reasons You’re Single

You’ve heard the old adage: you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone! Well, if you’re sending out the wrong signals or you aren’t pursuing the right kind of people, it won’t matter how much you put yourself out there — you’re still going to wind up empty-handed in the relationship department. After the jump, eight things that may be keeping you single if you don’t want to be.

1. You’re jaded.

You can’t believe how long you’ve been on the single scene with no real success. Every person you’ve been out with in the last year or so has let you down in one way or another. You view each date as a new opportunity for disappointment. If thought directs energy, your energy sucks! And you better believe the energy you’re cultivating influences your dating experiences. Instead of focusing on the negative, think of all the lessons you’ve learned lately and the opportunities being single has afforded you (time to develop a career, cultivate great friendships, get to know yourself, etc). If you’ve been locked in a cycle of negative thinking you can’t get out of, take at least a three-month break from dating and recharge.

2. You’re too picky.

You’ve got a list a mile long of traits your next boyfriend must possess and you think anything less would just be “settling.” Well, guess what? People aren’t sofas and you can’t just order one in a specific size, shape, style and color that will perfectly fit your decor and space. Limit your must-haves to no more than five things and accept that the rest of your perfect-for-you someone may not come in the style you’ve always imagined.

3. You keep pursuing people who are “out of your league.”

If you’re a seven and you keep going for tens, you’re not only overlooking many potential matches, you’re wasting valuable time. Sure, it’s great to be confident, but it’s much more time-efficient to be honest with yourself and accept how you compare to your competitors, than to keep chasing people who are far better-looking, younger and/or accomplished than you.

4. You don’t know how to compromise.

You don’t have any problem meeting great matches, but when it comes to the “give” portion of “give-and-take” in a relationship, you’re clueless. Finding a great match is only half the battle! Actually, it’s not even half. It’s a fourth at best. The real work is accepting that things aren’t always going to go your way and you’ll have to make some sacrifices to accommodate a partner in your life.

5. You’re desperate.

If you’d do just about anything for a relationship and would go out with literally anyone who is willing, you reek so much of desperation, no quality person is going to want to get near you. People want to feel special, not like they’re just filling a void. It’s time to focus on what you’ve got going for you, and pursue activities, friendships, adventures and opportunities that enrich your life so you’re reminded that landing a relationship isn’t the only way to feel fulfilled.

Selfish Lover

6. You haven’t made room in your life for a partner.

Don’t wait until you meet someone you really like to quit working weekends and filling every night of the week with activities. Send a message to the universe that you’re ready for that special person by making room in your life now. This can be as literal as making room in a dresser drawer for a significant other and pulling your bed away from the wall so a potential partner can get in and out comfortably. These are action steps you can take to cultivating positive energy, too.

7. You’re too easy.

I don’t mean that in just the sexual sense, though that counts, too. If you’re so eager to jump into a relationship that you’re calling him your boyfriend by date #2, and making yourself available every single time he wants to hang out — even if he’s given you one hour’s notice — you’re gonna be turning people off. You might make an ideal booty call or FWB, but a real relationship will be hard to cultivate. Instead, get to know the other person before you decide you want to marry him, wait awhile before confessing all your feelings, and don’t reveal everything about yourself right away.

8. You aren’t over your ex.

If it’s been more than a few months and you can’t stop saying his name every chance you get, find a therapist to help you work through your emotions. And as long as you have unresolved sadness, anger or resentment over a past relationship, you’re dooming all potential relationships. No one wants to compete with an ex.

 

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Most Couples You See Are Going to Break Up

Whenever I see people together on the subway, I assume that they have always been together, and that they will always remain together. That they emerged from the ether as one, and that they will sink back into it, eventually — also as one — and that it is only I who emerged and will likely be receding back into the ether in solitude.

But then, the other day, for whatever reason, when I was pretending not to watch a cute young couple bicker intimately on the train, I thought, You know what? They’re probably going to break up. Each of them was probably dating someone else pretty recently, and they’ll probably date other people again soon.

It’s hard to guess how many breakups happen in any given year, in the world, but if roughly 40 percent of American marriages end in divorce (per 2017 CDC data) and most of us date at least five people before getting married in the first place (a conservative guess), then that’s basically infinite breakups. Infinite!

This tiny mean thought — no one is forever as happy as they seem in any given moment — felt harmless and buoyant. Heartbreak is widespread. I mean I, too, have ridden the subway holding someone’s hand, leaning on their shoulder. It’s funny how performative public transportation can be, for relationships. Honestly, it’s basically like a wedding. The difference is that it costs only a couple dollars to be a guest on the subway.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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29 Brilliant Responses For When Someone Asks You Why You’re Still Single

As we single ladies head into any social gathering, we know someone will inevitably ask that dreaded question, one most despised by all singletons:

Why are you still single?

While it’s amazing people still think it’s appropriate to even ask this question, there nonetheless will likely always be that one distant relative, coworker, friend, or acquaintance from high school who comes up to you at the holiday party and utters these cringeworthy words. They may follow it up with, “Because you’re just so great.” That doesn’t make the situation any less awkward or annoying, and you may find yourself thinking up brilliant responses for when someone asks why you’re still single. That’s where I come in to help.

Whether you’re single or you’re in a relationship, both statuses have their perks and you can live your best life. When you’re single, you’re free to book spontaneous trips with friends, dedicate your free time completely to your passions and your career, and take a dip in the dating pool (if that’s even what you want at this point in your life).

So the next time someone asks you why you’re still single, feel free to use any one of the following expert-approved responses:

1. “I’m focusing on my career.”

In an exclusive interview with Elite Daily, marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson says she encourages “people to talk about the things in their lives that they are excited about.” If that’s your career, then kudos to you. And if the time comes when you do meet someone special, “[You] will choose partnership when [you] find someone who values [you] and is willing to put in the same amount of work [you] are.”

2. “I’m just not settling.”

This is a solid response because you’re explaining your needs and expectations from a future partner. For example, Richardson suggests saying something along the lines of, “I’m just not into settling. The person I’m looking forward [to meeting] is working on having the kind of life they are just as excited about as I am about mine.”

Richardson tells Elite Daily if your goal is to find someone who brings more happiness and positive vibes into your world, it’s tough work. It calls for you to be more “selective” and not settle for anything less, but the result can be well worth it.

3. “Weddings are expensive, and I have expensive taste in vacations, clothes, and footwear.”

You’re footing your own bankroll, duh. Weddings can be expensive AF — and who can blame you — you’re simply just not ready to dish out all of that cash quite yet.

4. “Yeah, it’s terrible dating any person I want.”

(Thanks for asking.) If you feel like it’s an appropriate time to throw a little bit of shade, this response is sassy and sarcastic. Mic drop.

5. “I don’t need a partner to prove that I’m worth something.”

You’re killing it in every aspect of your life. Why would you need a partner to show that? Richardson tells Elite Daily, “I love this [response] and I hope that anyone who says it means it. Truly believing in your own value sets you up for a much healthier relationship. When you rely on your romantic relationship for your self-esteem, it drains it and sets it on a really unhealthy path.”

6. “Why don’t we talk about my job promotion instead?”

Why is it that without a partner, nothing else seems to matter? Your single status shouldn’t take away from all of the other amazing things that are going on in your life. “The truth is, there are often people in our lives that don’t understand us and the life we are building,” says Richardson. “Especially if it is a family member, it can feel as though you can’t simply cut them out. When this happens, it’s important to take a deep breath and tell them about all the positive things you have made happen and that you’re proud of.”

7. “I’d rather have a significant income than a significant other.”

You can take care of your #girlboss self, thank you very much. A significant income? Yes, please.

8. “I’m fabulous, and I haven’t found anyone equally as fabulous, that’s why.”

You’re really just telling it like it is. Again, you’re not in a rush to be in a relationship and life is far too short to settle for anything you’re not completely happy with.

9. “I’m in a passionate love affair with myself.”

It’s a party of one, and that’s the only party you’re after. Thomas Edwards, Jr., Transformational Coach at thomasedwardsjr.com, tells Elite Daily he especially likes responses that focus on self-love. “If you’re being real and choosing not commit to anyone but yourself, that’s great,” he says.

10. As Cher Horowitz says, “You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.”

You can always count on Cher Horowitz from Clueless to tell it like it is. You might be picky because you don’t want to be in a relationship simply for the sake of being in a relationship. It’s like finding the right pair of shoes; it may require a lot of searching, but once you do find them, you know it was all worth it.

11. “I’m not single. I’m married to food.”

No shame here. The hilariously witty “throw away the conversation” answers — as Edwards refers to them as — can go a long way. “The question [someone asks about why you’re still single] is so ridiculous, an even more ridiculous answer is needed sometimes,” he says.”

12. “I don’t know. Why are you still married?”

If they want to ask the hard questions, you go ahead and ask them right back.

13. “My dad didn’t have enough sheep and wheat for my dowry.”

“No man shall ever marry ye!” This response may even get a laugh out of the person who asks you why you’re single.

14. “So far, every person I’ve met has been unimpressive.”

This response is best delivered completely deadpan. If they’re not impressing you, why waste your time? You could be cuddling with your pup for a movie night instead.

15. “Well, it’s likely because I haven’t found the right person yet.”

For this particular response, Richardson says it can come across as a bit defensive. It’s all about presentation, and Richardson stresses to never settle. “Life is too short and the people we surround ourselves with are really important to our quality of life. Staying selective and not settling should be a source of pride not shame.”

16. “When I’m ready to be in a relationship, I have no doubt I will find my person when I’m meant to.”

This response suggested by Edwards is straight and to the point. “The main idea is to center your answer around why your life is great right now just the way it is and to not let anyone else’s pressure be your own,” he says.”

17. “I still haven’t met a person who is as good as prime rib tastes.”

And prime rib is expensive, too.

18. “Single is the new black.”

I mean, you’re just being trendy.

19. “Prince William is already taken.”

This response has worked since you were in high school. It’s tried and true.

20. “I can’t commit to a dinner reservation, let alone another human being.”

It’s all about priorities. Obviously.

21. “I’m enjoying this time in my life when I get to focus on myself and becoming whole as a person.”

This is another awesome response suggested by Edwards. It’s all about self-love, people. Loving yourself before you welcome someone else into your world is key.

22. “My arranged marriage is just around the corner.”

Again, a deadpan delivery here will go far.

23. “I’m very busy focusing on myself and do not have a single minute to devote to someone else.”

This one is straightforward and to the point. Being in a relationship might not even be on your radar right now, and that’s perfectly OK.

24. “Why settle for one partner when I can date?”

At this point in your life, you may be swimming in the dating pool and having a great time doing it. You’re learning what’s really important to you, your likes, and your dislikes when it comes to a future partner.

25. “My shows are far more interesting than any date I’ve been on.”

(I mean, have you seen Andrew DeLuca?) Dating can be a struggle, and you’ll likely deal with a lot of frogs before you find the one you’re meant to be with. But, hey, at least Netflix and HBO are always loyal companions.

26. “Honestly, being single is really fun.”

Richardson says if you’re perfectly content with this single stage in your life, embrace it to the fullest. “No one can make you happy but you. It is wonderful to be bold enough to create the life you want, not everyone is brave enough to do that,” she tells Elite Daily.

27. “I’m more into the title of CEO than partner.”

BURN. This is another career-focused response that deserves a mic drop. You’re focusing on reaching your goals, and that’s entirely your choice. Edwards does make it a point to say, though, “I have had plenty of clients who came to me saying they focused on their career and as a result, are having a hard time getting into a relationship. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. It is possible to have everything you want in your life without waiting for one domino to fall.”

28. “I’m dating myself — why would I need a partner?”

You are the best dinner date and Netflix and shopping companion, after all.

29. I’m pretty certain I’m “The One.” So, there’s that.

Now this response deserves a mic drop.

You don’t really owe anyone an explanation about your relationship status. But if you feel like using a clever rebuttal the next time someone makes an encounter awkward by asking you why you’re single “because you’re just so great,” refer to this list.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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