You’ve heard the old adage: you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone! Well, if you’re sending out the wrong signals or you aren’t pursuing the right kind of people, it won’t matter how much you put yourself out there — you’re still going to wind up empty-handed in the relationship department. After the jump, eight things that may be keeping you single if you don’t want to be.
1. You’re jaded.
You can’t believe how long you’ve been on the single scene with no real success. Every person you’ve been out with in the last year or so has let you down in one way or another. You view each date as a new opportunity for disappointment. If thought directs energy, your energy sucks! And you better believe the energy you’re cultivating influences your dating experiences. Instead of focusing on the negative, think of all the lessons you’ve learned lately and the opportunities being single has afforded you (time to develop a career, cultivate great friendships, get to know yourself, etc). If you’ve been locked in a cycle of negative thinking you can’t get out of, take at least a three-month break from dating and recharge.
2. You’re too picky.
You’ve got a list a mile long of traits your next boyfriend must possess and you think anything less would just be “settling.” Well, guess what? People aren’t sofas and you can’t just order one in a specific size, shape, style and color that will perfectly fit your decor and space. Limit your must-haves to no more than five things and accept that the rest of your perfect-for-you someone may not come in the style you’ve always imagined.
3. You keep pursuing people who are “out of your league.”
If you’re a seven and you keep going for tens, you’re not only overlooking many potential matches, you’re wasting valuable time. Sure, it’s great to be confident, but it’s much more time-efficient to be honest with yourself and accept how you compare to your competitors, than to keep chasing people who are far better-looking, younger and/or accomplished than you.
4. You don’t know how to compromise.
You don’t have any problem meeting great matches, but when it comes to the “give” portion of “give-and-take” in a relationship, you’re clueless. Finding a great match is only half the battle! Actually, it’s not even half. It’s a fourth at best. The real work is accepting that things aren’t always going to go your way and you’ll have to make some sacrifices to accommodate a partner in your life.
5. You’re desperate.
If you’d do just about anything for a relationship and would go out with literally anyone who is willing, you reek so much of desperation, no quality person is going to want to get near you. People want to feel special, not like they’re just filling a void. It’s time to focus on what you’ve got going for you, and pursue activities, friendships, adventures and opportunities that enrich your life so you’re reminded that landing a relationship isn’t the only way to feel fulfilled.
6. You haven’t made room in your life for a partner.
Don’t wait until you meet someone you really like to quit working weekends and filling every night of the week with activities. Send a message to the universe that you’re ready for that special person by making room in your life now. This can be as literal as making room in a dresser drawer for a significant other and pulling your bed away from the wall so a potential partner can get in and out comfortably. These are action steps you can take to cultivating positive energy, too.
7. You’re too easy.
I don’t mean that in just the sexual sense, though that counts, too. If you’re so eager to jump into a relationship that you’re calling him your boyfriend by date #2, and making yourself available every single time he wants to hang out — even if he’s given you one hour’s notice — you’re gonna be turning people off. You might make an ideal booty call or FWB, but a real relationship will be hard to cultivate. Instead, get to know the other person before you decide you want to marry him, wait awhile before confessing all your feelings, and don’t reveal everything about yourself right away.
8. You aren’t over your ex.
If it’s been more than a few months and you can’t stop saying his name every chance you get, find a therapist to help you work through your emotions. And as long as you have unresolved sadness, anger or resentment over a past relationship, you’re dooming all potential relationships. No one wants to compete with an ex.
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