What It Means When He Says ‘I Don’t Deserve You’

The signs might be clearer than you think.

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One of the best/slightly gagging parts of being in a relationship is the baby talk — the days-upon-days of whispering sweet nothings and building each other’s egos with more compliments than you ever thought you’d be able to give.

But like all things, the lovey-dovey phase comes to an end and all that cute nonsense you’ve been saying is put to the test.

While some of it’s still sweet, some of the “cute” things your boyfriend says might actually be a clue that something is wrong — maybe even signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

For example, I’ve heard plenty of gentlemen I’ve dated (swear, I’m not bragging) say, “I don’t deserve you.”

The majority of the time I thought they were just being cute, but eventually I learned a few of them really meant it and the relationship ended.

What does it mean when he says I don’t deserve you?

Speaking from my own experience, when a guy has said he doesn’t deserve me, what he really means is that he doesn’t want to be with you.

Now if you’re constantly looking at the world through rose-colored glasses like I was, this hidden motive might be easy to miss. But if you’re boyfriend or the guy you’re seeing is consistently saying things like “you’re too good for me,” or “you don’t want to be with me,” than they’re probably speaking more truth than you realize.

I think our initial instinct is to argue back — in, like, a cute way — that they are enough for us.

We feel guilty that our awesomeness is making them feel bad about themselves, and we want to build them back up.

It’s sweet to think he really doesn’t think he deserves you, most of the time, it’s just not the case.

Now I haven’t actually asked any of the men who played that card what the real reasoning behind it was, but I can only assume that it’s just because I was feeling a relationship, and they were not.

Some even went a little farther down the road (like, a few months of actually, full-on dating) before they had this realization. When this happened, I would play the normal girl card and assume that it was my role to make them feel good enough for me.

As you can imagine, that didn’t work very well and the relationship still ended.

It was only when I finally started accepting that I didn’t ever want to force a relationship with anyone that it all became a lot clearer.

When guys have told me they didn’t deserve me, I started agreeing with them.

Sometimes it made them flip the script and want to date me, sometimes it didn’t. But either way, I felt stronger and better about myself because I wasn’t trying to convince somebody that they should be with me.

I figured out that I can be totally OK all on my own.

In my opinion, that is way more important than locking down some dude.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Be Instantly Irresistible With These 10 Body Language Tips

For every occasion, there’s always this one individual who seems to captivate everyone. Her smile lights up the room, people gather to talk to her, and you can’t help but be drawn to her. She may not be the prettiest person at the event, but something about her feels exciting and inviting.

Who is she? How is she able to appear so likeable to both men and women?

The answer is not in her choice of clothing or her witty remarks (although those are important, too). Her allure comes from her body language. Want to capture the audience the next time you walk into a party? Practice these 10 tips and you’ll be on your way to becoming instantly irresistible.

1. Have an open and relaxed posture.

Whether you’re standing, sitting, or walking, having the right posture not only makes you look charming, it also helps you to appear taller. If you’ve been slouching for a long time, there are plenty of easy exercises to fix your stance. It also helps to observe yourself using a full-length mirror. Sit, walk, and stand in front of it for about 5-10 minutes each day until you have the correct posture. This means:

  • Head straight and relaxed
  • Shoulders back
  • Abdomen in
  • Knees slightly bent

Once you have mastered good posture, you’ll find that you feel more comfortable and confident when facing people.

2. Smile with your eyes.

Your smile is one of your most potent weapons to instantly make you likeable. A genuine smile is supposed to reach your eyes, creating tiny crinkles that light up your face. This suggests that you are truly happy, and nothing is more attractive than a person who smiles like they mean it. According to research, smiling also alleviates stress and can influence your level of success.

Believe it or not, you can enhance your smile simply by practicing it every day! Face a mirror, take a deep breath, hold it, and slowly exhale before smiling. You’ll notice that you feel more relaxed and your smile looks genuine. Try this a couple more times until you feel confident!

3. Subtly mirror tiny movements.

Mirroring is a body language technique that successful people use to gain rapport. When done right, it should make you more likeable without much effort. It’s part of our psychology to respond positively to individuals who are like us. In fact, a baby’s body functions (like its heartbeat) sync with the mother even before birth.

Good mirroring begins by first observing the other person’s movements. Is he leaning forward? Crossing his legs? Nodding? Reflect these actions with your own body to quickly develop a bond of trust. This method has been proven numerous times in different experiments. So at your next party, watch people closely. Mirror their movements to connect better with any person in the room.

4. Use a quick touch on the forearm or shoulder.

Don’t underestimate the power of a quick pat on the back or a friendly touch on the arm. Unlike words, these are universally understood and can convey more meaning. For example, if you really like a person, you may lightly touch their arm during a conversation. Similar to mirroring, this builds rapport with people you meet. Remember not to overdo this though! Just a light tap is enough — never linger!

5. Maintain good eye contact.

There’s no doubt that making eye contact is one of the most powerful body language arsenals in your book. However, doing it wrong will make you look creepy. Combine this with tip #2: smile while making eye contact to instantly make yourself irresistible. Ten seconds is a safe time limit before looking elsewhere. Otherwise, you will trigger a person’s defense mechanism and make them feel uncomfortable.

6. Turn your body towards the person.

Also known as the “big baby pivot,” this involves turning your entire body towards another person. This body language trick got its name from the way most folks turn their attention to a baby. When being introduced to someone, make sure to give your undivided attention by pivoting your body towards them. This delivers the message that they’re special and you’re interested in them. True interest in another person makes you super irresistible in return!

7. Use open hand gestures.

The handshake that we practice today was, in fact, an early custom to prove that you’re not hiding any weapons. That’s why we have suspicions when people don’t show their hands. With this in mind, use gestures to make you the most memorable person in the room.

When conversing or speaking to a crowd, use certain hand gestures to create an impact. Here are a few:

  • Use your fingers when listing points
  • A solid fist means you’re determined
  • Make a sweeping motion to mean “everything”
  • Bring hands to your chest when talking about a personal experience

Consider your audience when using hand gestures. Remember: one sign could mean a world of difference in another culture, so use with caution!

8. Pause for a few seconds.

This is a subtle yet very effective part of your body language. You can implement quick pauses during conversations or speeches when:

  • You’re asked a difficult or personal question (this gives you enough time to think of a good answer)
  • You want to build a dramatic effect (pausing between statements is a sign that you’re about to deliver big news)
  • You want to create an air of mystery (particularly when coupled with a small smile)

Pausing is also great when used just before you smile. It shows that you’re not someone who gives it away so easily.

9. Nod to show confidence in opinion.

According to one study, nodding doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with something. Rather, this simple action strengthens an already existing opinion. In a gathering for instance, nodding your head to the speaker reinforces whatever he or she is saying. This creates a connection between you two — even if you don’t really agree with everything they say. It’s also a sign that shows you’re paying attention.

10. Avoid fidgeting.

Feeling nervous during an important event? Need to calm your nerves before meeting with clients? If you want to be instantly irresistible, one of the things you should avoid is looking restless. If you have the habit of fiddling with your fingers when worried, it could signal to others that you’re insecure. Project an appealing aura by standing tall yet relaxed.

If you’re still feeling anxious, be sure to bring something familiar with you, like your favorite pen or necklace. These are usually called “comfort objects.” According to experts, carrying something you associate with good memories will help reduce anxiety. Look at it or hold it in your hand for a few seconds to remind you that everything’s going to be okay. Then, proceed to be your best, irresistible self!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

8 Signs He’s Using You Because He Hates Being Alone

You deserve better.

Have you ever been deep in a relationship and still find yourself wondering if he’s into you? Sadly, it’s very common these days to be in a one-sided relationship.

As if that’s not already a sad enough truth, you must ask yourself how you went so long without even noticing the signs he’s using you!

Now, granted, you may have had your suspicions all along but didn’t want to believe it. This is what we call being in denial.

However, in your defense, we as humans often enter into a state of denial because our needs outnumber our desires by a landslide. In these situations, our judgment can be clouded — and I mean clouded to the point where the obvious is no longer obvious.

Here’s how to know for sure the guy you’re dating, unfortunately, isn’t all that into you — he just hates being alone and is using you for the company.

1. You chase after him like a celebrity.

First and foremost, men naturally love to pursue women. If any guy is interested in you, he will be the one doing the pursuing. When he’s truly interested in you, he will find a way to talk to you. It may take courage for him to make a move, but when he does you will know it.

When you like someone, it’s a joint effort between both parties. You wouldn’t have to fangirl him. If he lets you chase him, there’s a reason he’s running away. Remember: you have worth and any guy worth keeping will pursue you.

2. He doesn’t bother to text you back, engage in good conversation, or try to get to know you.

Sometimes, both men and women are a bit bashful when starting a conversation with the opposite sex.

It can be scary to send the first text message. You sit there and wait 20 minutes to respond because you don’t want to look desperate. However, when a guy is interested in getting to know you, he will be excited to text you and will find a way to keep the conversation going.

In the age of social media, if he liked you, he would probably creep on your Instagram, scroll through your pictures, and find a way to bring up your trip to Papa New Guinea. If the conversation feels dull, one-sided, and uninteresting,  you should move on.

This one is not worth your time. Anyone worth talking to would want to get to know you and learn every little detail about you.

3. He treats you like an option rather than a priority.

If you continuously try to make plans with him and he seems to always make an excuse, you’re probably just an option. No matter how busy any human being is, regardless of your gender, you would always make time for someone that matters to you.

If he wanted to see you even for five minutes, he would find a way to fit you in his schedule. You should never settle to be an option. Always strive to be someone’s number one priority.

4. He truly acts like he doesn’t care.

When he acts like he doesn’t care, you should believe him. It’s not an act or a game.

If someone truly liked you or genuinely cared about you, you wouldn’t need to convince yourself otherwise. You would just know; you would feel it in every fiber of your body. He would say that he likes you or show that he cares about you in some way, shape, or form.

5. He doesn’t express his emotions.

Sometimes, it’s difficult for guys to express their emotions because some of them have no idea how to do it. They were taught to hide their them because being emotional is considered a weakness. Men were programmed to maintain a tough mental and emotional exterior.

However, you must realize that they are human beings, too. Although they would rather not admit to it, they absolutely have feelings.

When a guy likes you, he would make it known to you. He wouldn’t leave you wondering and waiting by the phone. He would make you feel secure, comfortable, and let you know that he likes you. And he would want to know if you felt that way, too.

6. He doesn’t make you part of his life.

When you first start dating or speaking to him, he probably won’t introduce you to important people in his life just yet. However, if you’ve been talking to him for a while and you’re still being kept a secret, be a bit skeptical.

When a guy likes you, he wants you to be part of his life. He would talk about you to his friends and want their approval. Eventually, he would get the courage to introduce you to important people in his life, invite you to fun events, and want to spend more time with you.

7. He’s selfish inside and outside of the bedroom.

Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves. People truly reveal themselves through their actions.

Sex is a two-way street and it should be a fun experience for both of you. He should make you feel like the most beautiful, loved, and amazing girl in the world.

If your pleasure, excitement, and happiness don’t matter to him, question why you like him or want to date him. If he never asks you about your day, life, or what you want to do, you should make a life change.

You deserve someone who cares about you and is willing to do anything to see you happy.

8. He doesn’t put in an effort to take you out on dates.

If he only wants to Netflix and Chill, you’re probably just a hook-up with no strings attached. There’s nothing wrong with this lifestyle; however, if you’re looking for something more serious, guard your heart. Don’t catch feelings.

You should put your feelings aside and realize that he may not be interested in a relationship with you. It’s always an awkward talk to have with someone, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask.

It’s better to know his expectations from the start rather than setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember: if any guy makes you feel unsure of yourself, he’s unsure of you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly