Here’s How To Have Safe FaceTime Sex

Sexting and exchanging nudes is fun, but it’s not always enough to get you off when you and your partner can’t be together IRL. More than sexy Snapchats — and even more than tried-and-true phone sex — FaceTime sex is the closest you can get to enjoying the real-time thrills of sex IRL, and it’s not just for committed couples. FaceTime sex with a casual partner can always be an option if you want it to be. But, like with in-person sex, safe FaceTime sex should always be a priority — especially when you’re doing it with someone you don’t know too well.

In a long-distance relationship, you and your SO already have an established foundation of trust. Partners can nurture intimacy for months, or even years, before going long-distance. But that trust might not exist with someone you’ve only known for a few weeks, or with someone you’ve never actually met IRL at all. That’s why it’s important to take safety precautions during sex — no matter what form it takes — just like you would with IRL f*ck buddies, flings, and one-night stands.

Keep these pro-tips in mind if you’re curious about how to have FaceTime sex safely.

Be Selective About What You Show

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Approach FaceTime sex the way you’d approach sending nudes. For one, don’t include your face in the frame. “Keep in mind that tattoos can also be big signifiers, so try to avoid having any of them in nude photos, too,” Gigi Engle, certified sex coach and SKYN Sex and Intimacy Expert, tells Elite Daily.

Along with your face and tattoos, you’ll want to leave certain personal items or decorations out of the shot, too. “Whether FaceTiming or sending photos of any kind, be sure not to reveal identifying details in the background,” Alison Falk, a cybersecurity professional and president of Women of Sextech, tells Elite Daily. “It’s extremely easy to determine the location of where people live and work, when even the slightest details are exposed.”

If your cyber-sexual relationship develops beyond a one-night stand, you may not have to worry about hiding your face or tattoos in the future, but that might take some time. “Trust needs to be built before you engage in higher-risk sexting,” Dr. Chris Donaghue, a certified sex therapist and SKYN Sex and Intimacy Expert, tells Elite Daily.

Discuss Screenshots

While STDs, STIs, and pregnancy aren’t concerns that come with digital sex, it does pose its own risks: screenshots, screen recordings, and your partner possibly posting these nudes without consent. “These are things that don’t need to deter you, but you should discuss this possibility and talk about how violating it would be,” Engle explains. “It is sexual assault, as far as I’m concerned. Be open and honest that this would be completely not OK with you, and make sure they feel exactly the same way about it.”

No federal, anti-revenge porn law exists, says Falk. “So do everything possible to protect yourself legally.”

Forgo Alcohol & Other Substances

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Make sure your mind is clear while engaging in FaceTime sex. If you enjoy indulging in some wine or other substances to take the edge off, consider abstaining prior to your cyber-sesh, says Engle, as they can impair your judgment and lead you to reveal more than you’re actually comfortable with. Especially if it’s your first time having FaceTime sex, leave the White Claws and weed behind.

Get Cryptic

When it comes to digital sex, privacy should be top-of-mind. “Do your homework first and be sure to use the right apps,” Falk says. “Everything is hackable. There is no bulletproof way to ensure 100% privacy with anything in our digital lives.” One encrypted app she recommends as an alternative to FaceTime or Zoom is Signal, which does have a video call feature. While you do still need to be wary of screenshots, Signal’s encryption protects you against hacking.

Make Sure You’re Comfortable

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With both cyber sex or sex IRL, trust is the name of the game. But discerning whether your dating app match is trustworthy can be tricky. “This isn’t someone you know very well, so you can’t make that kind of call,” Engle says. “There is no special formula for accessing whether someone is a creep or not.”

Likewise, while Donaghue acknowledges the benefits of online sexual expression, he urges against having FaceTime sex with people you’re not super comfortable with. “Emotionally, you want to be able to let your guard down and really enjoy the eroticism and arousal.”

Even though there’s no real way to tell whether your digital f*ck buddy is someone you can trust, you can ask all the right questions to make that judgment to the best of your ability. Discuss what they’ve done with screenshots during other forms of cyber sex, like sexting. “Ask them what they did with pics they have been sent in the past from others, and if they ever share them,” Donaghue advises. “If they explain that they sext ethically and therefore delete after the sexting goal has been achieved — or the relationship ends — then that’s a good starting point.”

When you’re embarking on your sensual FaceTime adventures, remember that the same way dental dams, condoms, birth control and frank conversations can help put you at ease, so can taking proactive steps toward safe FaceTime sex.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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‘Fizzing’ Is the Non-Breakup Breakup That’s Confusing Millennials

Here’s another one from one of my female readers. I thought it was worth sharing…

Nothing was wrong with my relationship, per se. We had fun together. The sex was above average. I thought we were seeing where things went naturally, without any pressure to make anything “official.” I liked him, and from what I gathered (and what he said directly), he liked me, too.

Then after dating for about two and a half months, seeing each other at least once a week, neither of us texted. Two weeks of non-communication later, I figured it was over. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t angry. Maybe I was a little confused, since I figured he’d text. I was always the one to initiate texting, and yes, maybe I was playing a little bit of a “game”—seeing if he would text first. But his lack of communication made it clear: He wasn’t feeling it as much as I thought he was. Evidently, I wasn’t either, otherwise I would have sucked it up and texted him first.

As the god-awful saying goes: That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

This isn’t the first time I’ve experience what I’m coining as “fizzing.” Fizzing is not the same as ghosting, where one party is left to torture themselves with the question of what they did wrong. Fizzing is when you happily date someone for a couple of months, and things peter out without a formal breakup conversation. (FYI: The word “fizzing” comes from the relationship “fizzling out.”)

What makes fizzing so interesting, and well, confusing, is that in these scenarios, you’ve been dating long enough that a conversation feels warranted. After going on a dozen dates over the course of three months, texting multiple times a week, and boning on the regular, you would think that something, anything, needs to be said.

“While [fizzing] usually implies that one or both people have found someone else that they like better, it can also be where one person is hurt but is playing games,” says Caroline Madden, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist. For example, it could be that one person is waiting to see if the other person will text first.

I get why fizzing is appealing. Sometimes you’re in a relationship where nothing is wrong—you’re having fun—but you’d rather be doing other things (or people). And it can be tough to break up with someone simply because you aren’t really feeling it. You end up having to convince the other person you’re making the right decision, even if nothing was bad about the relationship.

“Often, the other person wants a list of reasons, and then instead of accepting them, they plead that these are things that they can change about themselves,” Madden explains.

That’s why my friend and colleague Philip Ellis told me he doesn’t actually mind fizzing.

“On the surface, letting communication simply flatline seems lazy and slightly cowardly, but it’s also a reflection of the low-stakes emotional investment that both people have staked in the brief dalliance,” he says. “When you’ve only been seeing each other for a short time, and the texts and phone calls have already begun to peter out, it seems dramatic and slightly narcissistic to pick up the phone and tell somebody what they already know. There’s no need to deliver a killing blow to something that is already dying of natural causes.”

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While fizzing might not offer the same sense of resolution as having The Talk, in a way, the sheer mutual lack of communication from both sides can be its own form of closure.

“It implies that you’ve both read the cues of the situation and come to the same wordless verdict,” Philip adds.

While I love and respect Philip, I couldn’t help but think that while he may be over the relationship, the people he’s dating might not feel the same way, even if they don’t say anything. Some folks, fearing outright rejection, may prefer to hide their true feelings instead opting for a “non-talk” to spare their ego.

Gail Saltz, MD, an associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, has some insight that backs up my theory.

“Rarely do both people have exactly the same feelings about what has happened, what is happening and what not speaking means,” she says. That’s why Saltz believes it’s better to have some sort of closure conversation. If you’ve been dating someone for two or so months, you most likely have some feeling for the person. She argues that leaving them not knowing why you ended things is more painful.

“Avoidance denies closure, [and] keeps either of you from learning about yourselves and from possibly finding out there was something that could have been repaired and made the relationship worth keeping,” Saltz says, adding that the difficult conversation is a sign of “emotional maturity.”

Wow, I feel attacked.

At least it doesn’t have to be a long drawn out or soul baring conversation, Saltz says.

“Speaking about why you are choosing to end things, what did not work, and what you appreciate about the other person is actually helpful to both of you in the present and in the future.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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Angel with a Broken Wing is Now on Sale at AMAZON

“What if you could just run away from your present life?”

I’ve been composing my first work of fiction.

It’s a romantic thriller, that takes the reader on a cross country odyssey across America.

A young gentleman meets a nice girl, and they decide to take a journey together.  Both wanting to escape their mundane lives.

What begins as an idyllic road trip, turns into a nightmare, as they discover they’re locked in a cross country, cat and mouse game with a mysterious stranger.

It’s a real corker of a story, so hopefully you’ll want to read it!

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Angel With A Broken Wing, Now on sale on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly