Your Biggest Turn-Ons and Turn-Offs, Based on Your Sign

Astrology helps you deepen your intuitive understanding of yourself and others—fueling empathy, compassion, kindness, and chemistry in all of your relationships. But it can also be a ~major~ help in the bedroom. Knowing your boo’s sign can help you know how to really rev their engine, and, alternatively, what causes them to come to a screeching halt. Every sign has a unique sexual identity, and it’s important to know who needs what. Because while the down and dirty might work for a Sag, it’ll def turn away a Taurus.

The more you know about your sign’s sexual identity, the hotter your sex will be. (And if you’re wondering what your sexual superpower is based on your sign, we’ve gotchu). In the meantime, here’s a definitive guide to each sign’s turn-ons (and -offs!) Take notes, it’s about to get cosmically steamy.

Aries

Aries are notorious for their impulsive, fast-paced approach to life. They’re fueled by passion, so they’re extremely turned on by sudden bursts of desire. A sext in the middle of the day? A whisper in their ear at a party? They’re here for it.

Though it may sound crude, nothing fans their flames quite like an unexpected hookup in a bathroom stall or backseat of a car. So if you’re thinking of something slow and comfy, you may want to look elsewhere. And given their fiery nature, never hesitate to throw in some toys of the rougher variety—might we suggest handcuffs or a riding crop? Also, Aries have short attention spans, so they’re not into excessive foreplay. Action and taking initiative is key.

Taurus

Governed by Venus (the planet of love and beauty), Taurus is one of the most romantic signs of the zodiac. They love exploring their senses, so their sexual appetite is closely connected to sound, sight, taste, smell, and touch.

Turn on your Taurus lover with a fully immersive experience, complete with chocolate, wine, candles, and oils. Taurus wants to be totally transported, so you might even want to experiment with sex in the great outdoors. (And FYI, Tauruses are obsessed with desserts, so don’t be afraid to bust out the whipped cream when the time is right.) Also, remember that Taurus is turned off by sloppiness, so bringing them to a tidy bedroom will keep them happy.

Gemini

Everything in Gemini’s life is about duality. While some Gemini may embrace this quality quite literally (*ahem*, threesomes), these air signs have more than enough charisma to make a monogamous romp feel like an orgy. In short: Nothing turns on Gemini more than lots of sexual experimentation. Seriously, they’re down to try pretty much anything! The only thing Geminis are turned off by is monotony, so don’t be afraid to get freaky (with their consent, obviously). They’re also governed by Mercury, the planet of communication, so sexting and dirty talk is definitely in their wheelhouse.

Gemini’s love to be listened to, so try running your hand over theirs while they’re talking and make eye contact. Engage them in their fantasies, it’ll go a long way.

Cancer

Intimacy is a big deal for these sweet, sensitive water signs. Symbolized by the crab, Cancers need to feel safe before emerging from their shells, and the fastest way to foster loyalty is through physical closeness. Cancers are ruled by the Moon, the planet of emotions—don’t be afraid to pull out all the romantic gestures in your arsenal. This sign is all about cuddling, spooning, and sensual caresses. Don’t be shy about cozying up with your Cancer lover.

Intimacy matters for Cancer. So take your time, slow it down. Lay down and gaze into each other’s eyes. But when you’re turning up the heat, remember that everything needs to be reciprocal. Be sure to allocate plenty of time for mutual satisfaction. Cancers may guard their sensitivities with tough armor, but they’re not afraid to use their claws when they need to.

Leo

Leos are all about drama, so when it comes to sex, the bedroom can quickly transform into a stage. Performative and bombastic, the biggest turn-on for these lions is to feel desired. They thrill at the thought of being wanted, especially when the passion leads to cinematic lovemaking.

Leos love to be wined and dined through luxurious dates, tabloid-worthy expressions of adoration (think John Cusack in Say Anything), and grandiose displays of affection. So whip out the massage oil, candles, slinky lingerie, and make your lion purrrr. But make them feel even the least bit snubbed, and you can expect some angry roars from them.

Virgo

Traditionally, the sign of Virgo is symbolized by the virgin archetype—an outdated association that sometimes leads to the false assumption that Virgos are prudish. The truth is the contrary. Like a horny teenager, Virgos are absolutely obsessed with sex, and really savor every moment of it. Governed by Mercury (the planet of communication) Virgos also love to talk about getting downso a fully scripted round of role play should def be on the menu. What’s more, Virgos tend to skew flustered and detail-oriented, so slow it down and put the focus on them with plenty of foreplay.

And when it’s time to do the deed, make sure you’re approaching everything… hygienically. Virgos are instantly grossed out by anything that they deem unsanitary. So, if you’re planning on some kinky kitchen-counter play, let your Virgo lover know you’ve already stocked up on antibacterial wipes—I mean, what could be sexier than that?

Libra

Libra is ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty. Accordingly, Libras tend to treat their lovers like precious works of art. With such a refined palate, it’s no surprise that Libras are turned on by elegance and sophistication. Taking the time to make your Libra a cocktail and put on some great music goes a long way.

But don’t let all that flair fool you—Libras are known for their adventurousness in the bedroom, too. A little bit of role reversal and tons of foreplay like spanking, fingering and butt-plugging is definitely not out of the question. But ultimately, the fastest way to a Libra’s heart is always through the mind. AKA, even if someone is ~perfect~ in bed, a Libra will be instantly turned off if the post-coital convo is boring (or non-existent).

Scorpio

In medical astrology, Scorpios rule the sex organs, so it’s no surprise that they’re considered one of the most erotic signs of the zodiac. A Scorpio’s energy combines steamy passion with soulful emotional intimacy, making them magnetic AF.

Governed by Pluto, the planet of the underworld, Scorpios love to dive into power play, and are extremely turned on by explorations of dominance and submission. They aren’t afraid to explore taboos, so try getting extra kinky with your Scorpio with their consent. Go for long and steamy oral sessions, take it outside, or add a sex toy or three. But whatever you do, make sure you act with feeling. Increase the connection with intense eye contact and a firm grip. Scorpio is all about chemistry, and the sexual tension needs to be palpable.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius are explorers, so their biggest turn-on will always be adventure. Sagittarius views physical intimacy as an opportunity for emotional discovery and intellectual expansion. This fire sign is extremely aroused by anything that has a hint of danger, so don’t be surprised if your Sagittarius lover is into public sex—and group sex can be a major turn-on too.

On the flip side, Sagittarius are totally turned off by sex that feels overly sentimental. Sagittarius are masters of seduction and are great at making love, but they prefer to focus on the more playful aspects of getting down. So next time you’re sitting down for dinner, be bold and go for that sneaky under-the-table-thigh-stroke—it’ll drive your Sag wild.

Capricorn

Capricorns are the most ambitious sign of the zodiac, and their sex drive is no exception. These enterprising earth signs take getting down seriously and expect their partners will, too. They want to have a rich private life filled with lots of kinky adventures, so don’t be afraid to turn up the heat with these naughty sea-goats.

Plus, these dynamos like to take charge, so let them take the reigns and lean into the power play. But nothing turns them off more than someone who’s all talk, especially if they don’t actually deliver in bed. Sexting is nice, but Capricorn lovers need to physically get down and dirty.

Aquarius

Aquarians are the aliens of the zodiac–these eccentric nonconformists always have their head high in the clouds. But when it comes to sex, this rebellious air sign isn’t afraid to get down. Aquarians are turned on by anything that goes against societal conventions.

And they love mystery, so adding in a mask or a blindfold is sure to turn up the heat. If anything, your Aquarius lover may be turned off by more traditional approaches to sex—they’re simply not bizarre enough for this free-thinking air sign. Hot tip: Aquarians love sci-fi, so try incorporating a piece of technology (like a vibrator) into your play.

Pisces

Pisces are highly spiritual and empathic, so it’s no surprise that they’re extremely turned on by deeply spiritual connections. They’re aroused by out-of-this-word explorations, so be sure to explore the nooks and crannies of your psychic world with this water sign—maybe add in a tarot reading or a joined meditation to really elevate that intuitive connection. Plus, these fish like to go with the flow, so shower and hot tub sex are definite musts.

Ultimately, Pisces are curious souls, so really the only thing that turns them off is rigidity. As long as you’re flexible and open-minded, Pisces will be delighted to swim in your direction.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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Take A Break From Dating Apps If You Notice These 5 Signs

There comes a time in every swiper’s dating app journey when the monotony of it all can start to take a toll. If you’ve been dating your heart out but feel disheartened by the results (or lack thereof), rest assured you’re not alone. Fatigue is common among people juggling multiple apps or constantly hustling to meet new people, and it could be a sign that you’re ready to take a break from dating apps. According to Jenna Birch, the strategic advisor for the dating app Plum, devoting an excessive amount of time to finding a match isn’t sustainable.

“It’s not a test or a race to see how fast you can find a new flame,” Birch previously told Elite Daily. “You can go on a dating hiatus, and just focus on yourself. Constantly scanning rooms and browsing apps for new dating prospects can make single life less fun.” Even if you’re enjoying the excitement and variety that dating apps offer, it’s always important to make time for yourself outside of the dating sphere. So, if you suspect it may be time to take a step back from dating apps, here are some signs that pressing “pause” could be the right move.

1. You Feel Pressure To Date.

When arranging a date for the weekend starts to feel like just another stressful task on your to-do list, this could mean you’re putting yourself out there a bit too much. “A lot of people feel pressure to always be out there constantly and that if they snooze even for a second, they will lose,” well-being coach Shula Melamed previously told Elite Daily. “It is beneficial for you to bring your best, most energized and cared for self to the table — if you need to take a break to do this, so be it.”

2. You Feel Unmotivated To Meet Matches.

According to Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, feeling unmotivated by the process of dating is a tell-tale sign it’s time to slow down. Perhaps you’re, “exhausted by dating, from not replying to messages, [or] even not wanting to show up on dates,” Edwards previously told Elite Daily. “[Maybe], you just haven’t had any enjoyable or memorable experiences in a long time.” If this is the case, focusing on yourself for a while might be the best course of action.

3. Putting In The Effort Doesn’t Feel Worth It.

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Let’s face it: Getting the most out of dating apps can take a significant amount of effort. “[If] you’ve been trying too hard to make things happen and [have] no results to show for your efforts,” this is another sign that it may be a good idea to avoid dating apps until you’re feeling more optimistic, said Edwards.

4. The Idea Of Being Set Up Sounds Exhausting.

You know you’re experiencing some major dating fatigue when the idea of being set up on a date by a friend or family member still sounds like way too much work. Meeting new people is the cornerstone of finding eligible matches, so if you’re unable to get in a positive headspace about it, don’t force yourself. “If the suggestion of a set-up with even the most eligible sounding of prospects makes you feel more drained than energized, it could be time to take a moment for yourself,” agreed Melamed.

5. You Feel Burned Out In Other Areas Of Your Life.

If you’re overexerting yourself when it comes to online dating apps, sooner or later, the exhaustion could start to spill over into other areas of your life. In these situations, it’s important to give yourself the time and space to re-establish balance. “Get off the dating merry-go-round for at least three weeks to a month,” NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily. “Just stop. Don’t stress, don’t fret, and don’t beat yourself up.”

Ultimately, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break from dating apps (or dating in general) if you’re no longer enjoying the process. Although it may be tempting to push-through to avoid the fear missing out, doing so could prolong your dating fatigue. In the end, only you can say for sure if it’s time for a dating app hiatus. If you’re still unsure whether it’s a good idea to stop swiping for a while, always trust your gut.

 

It’s not every day a potential new romantic interest texts you by mistake, but it happened for Codie Higer, an actor and singer from New York City. Higer was on a Houseparty call with friends on April 14 when she got a text from a number she didn’t recognize. It was a photo of a cake from a stranger named Mike. The problem? This (literally) sweet message was intended for someone else. Codie Higer posted a Twitter thread about what followed this unintentional digital meet-cute, and it’s a real-life quarantine rom-com.

Higer tells Elite Daily she and her friends were about to end their Houseparty call when she got the text from Mike. “Hey it’s Mike! It was cool meeting you!” the text read. “This is how that lemon bundt cake turned out by the way,” with a photo of said lemon bundt cake attached. “Hey – not sure who you’re trying to text but it appears you have the wrong number!” she texted back. “Nice cake though!”

Mike apologized and explained it was meant for someone named Leah — a girl he’d gone on a virtual Hinge date who seemingly gave him a fake number afterwards. They ended up commiserating about how tough dating can be, and before they knew it, they were introducing themselves.

Higer says she was wary at first, but the chat naturally progressed into a friendly conversation. Mike is a 30-year-old English teacher living in Cleveland, and Higer, 26, lives in NYC — although she’s currently staying with her mother in Cleveland due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. They exchanged photos and decided to set a FaceTime date for the very next day.

According to Higer, it was fun. “We acknowledged how bizarre the situation was and talked about movies, books, and each other’s careers,” she says. “He was very curious about my life in NYC and what it’s like to be an auditioning actor and I asked him about the difficulties of being a teacher right now. We have a surprising amount in common! As far as I can tell, there was chemistry — we made each other laugh a lot, which is always a great sign.”

They’ve also been texting every day (!!) since their first exchange, and have another date scheduled for April 18. Higer, who isn’t currently on dating apps, says she wasn’t thinking about dating in quarantine before she got Mike’s text, but, “I’m always open to possibilities so… we’ll see! I will say, it didn’t actually feel as weird as I had expected to FaceTime a total stranger. I’m used to the weirdness of first dates and this didn’t feel that different! I’m a very outgoing person and I am always curious to meet new people, so this wasn’t that foreign for me.”

This could just end up being the 2020 love story we need. Fingers crossed!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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11 Of The Biggest Deal-Breakers In A Relationship

  • Deal-breakers in relationships are the things that will cause you to call it quits — no matter how long you’ve been together. 
  • Some common deal-breakers include a partner’s stance on having children, a lack of responsibility with money, or a lack of ambition.
  • We asked dating and relationship exerts to name some of the biggest deal-breakers people cite for breaking off a relationship.

When you’re considering the type of partner you want in your life, there are plenty of things that may make your list.

From their sense of humor to their looks to the way that they treat you, everyone has some sort of picture of who they classify as the ideal mate.

But just as there are specific things that we look for the person that we’re dating to have, there are things that we hope to never encounter, too.

Although everyone’s list of deal-breakers may not be exactly the same, there are a few things that many of us can probably agree on. Here are 12 of the biggest deal-breakers — according to experts — to compare your list to.

They won’t address the issues that you present.

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Regardless of how long you’ve been with a person, one of the most important things in a relationship is ensuring that both you and your partner are happy. So, if you’ve found yourself in a predicament where your comfort is put in jeopardy and your partner is doing nothing to rectify the issue, psychologist Dara Bushman told Insider that this could definitely be something to drive your relationship to its end.

“When you first started dating, you felt connected and were having a great conversation that was very stimulating and soul-nourishing,” she said. “Over time though, you’ve began feeling a disconnect. The disconnect may not be the concern — it’s the partner’s aloofness, inability, or unwillingness to discuss what the disconnect is.”

“If you’ve approached the topic and your partner becomes guarded or even defensive, this could be a deal-breaker. Communication is foundational.”

They’ve changed their mind about having kids with you.

Another important topic that should be discussed before deciding to go the long haul with a potential mate, is whether or not you see kids in your future together.

But if one of you has second thoughts or is on the totally different side than you are, according to Bushman, that should totally be a deal-breaker.

“Another big deal-breaker is someone changing their stance on having kids with you,” she said. “If you wish to have children while your partner already has children — or even if you’re both childless — and they were initially open to creating a family together, but after some time decide against, this can be crushing. They may seem great on paper and you even convince yourself you can make do without your own children for a bit. After a while, however, you may realize that the lack of flexibility from your partner is more than just about not wanting more children. A real and lasting relationship would find compromise.”

They have a tendency to cancel plans at the last minute.

Few things are worse than making plans with someone and then having them cancel at the last minute. And, if that repeat offender just happens to be the person that you’re in a relationship with, it could very well be the reason why you’re considering ending things with them.

“Having spontaneity in a relationship is good, but if your guy or girl is always canceling at the last minute to do something that ‘just came up,’ that’s a deal-breaker,” matchmaker Bonnie Winston told Insider. “It shows they do not respect your time, your plans and your interests. For example, if the person blows you off without much notice for something like a sports thing with their friends, that’s a deal-breaker.”

You are not on the same page when it comes to finances.

During the initial dating phase, how your partner chooses to spend their money may not be that big of a deal.

As you start to grow in your relationship, however, it could become more of a focal point and if you’re not on the same page, it could cause a lot of friction.

“Not being close to or on the same page concerning spending money is a deal-breaker and many cannot get over the strain of finances,” Winston said. “Additionally some people feel being consistently cheap with everything, bad tipping, or rudeness to waiters is a deal-breaker as it indicates that someone is just not generous in other areas.”

They’re showing a lack of interest.

Although it seems like a simple thing to note as a deal-breaker, many people ignore the signs when there’s a lack of interest from their partner, and according to Winston, it may not always be as simple to spot as you think.

“If one partner makes the other partner feel unattractive, divvys out criticism of the way one dresses, comments on weight, or other things like that, it can come off as if they are not interested,” she told Insider. “Likewise, if one person always talks about themselves and never shows interest in you, your life, your job, your friends, or your family, that can, and probably should be, seen as a deal-breaker.”

You don’t have the same values.

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When you choose your partner, you should consider all aspects of the person, and that includes comparing their values to yours. Do they see eye to eye on values like integrity, ambition, love of family, and other things important to you?

“Attraction and chemistry are great, but what happens when looks fade and the spark wears off?” Rachel DeAlto, a Match.com relationship expert, told Insider. “If your potential partner differs significantly on a core value, the relationship can be doomed.”

When they get upset, they fight dirty.

DeAlto also said that if you’re with someone that talks down to you or treats you poorly when you are having a disagreement, you may want to reconsider the reason behind continuing the relationship.

“Everyone gets angry on occasion, and sometimes we even say terrible things we don’t mean,” she explained. “The deal-breaker arises, however, when people get nasty during every argument — name-calling, gaslighting, and failing to listen are all traits that lead to misery in a relationship.”

It’s important to note that these can also be the signs of a potentially abusive relationship too. Your partner should never make you feel unsafe and if they do, exiting the relationship should be done with care and potentially with help from a professional and your loved ones.

They aren’t over their ex.

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Although you may be super into someone, if they’re still hung up on someone else, you shouldn’t let that slide.

“You know when someone is still stuck in their past,” DeAlto said. “Their emotions are still high when they talk about them — positive or negative. Often they even admit they aren’t ready, but it’s rationalized away.”

There’s no sense of vision.

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For many people, lack of ambition or drive in a partner can be a huge turn-off. That doesn’t mean that it’s a deal-breaker for everyone. But according to relationship expert and dating adviser Jeffery L. Miller, it should be.

“Being a very determined and successful person and pairing with someone who is content can be detrimental to any relationship,” he said.

There’s a history of abuse with you or someone else.

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Whether physical, mental, emotional, or sexual, if you hear of someone being abused, it may seem like an easy fix to “just leave.”

Unfortunately though, Judy Ho, a psychologist and author of “Stop Self Sabotage,” told Insider that it’s not as easy as it seems, nor is it that simple to notice that it’s happening.

“Physical or sexual abuse are absolute deal-breakers in a relationship and occur more often than one might think,” Ho said.

“What is sometimes tougher to spot is psychological or emotional abuse. Sometimes this occurs alongside physical and/or sexual abuse but sometimes it can occur in isolation.”

She continued: “Emotional abuse can be extremely damaging. Some examples include extreme control, like tracking your whereabouts, demanding that you don’t spend time without them, and telling you that you are no good, worthless, and nothing without them. It can break someone down to the point that they don’t believe they deserve any better and therefore continue to stay in an abusive relationship. If this is happening in your relationship, it should be a deal-breaker.”

There’s a constant denial of a substance abuse problem or refusal to get help.

If you are with someone who is dealing with addiction, it can be tempting to stay with them. And while support from a partner can help people overcome addiction, if it’s taking a toll on you and they aren’t seeking help, it could be time to leave, Ho told Insider.

“There is no shame in suffering from such a disorder, but it can wreak havoc on a relationship — not to mention the person’s life in multiple domains like physical and mental health, work, and other social relationships,” she said. If someone refuses to seek help for their substance abuse, lies about their use, or you notice that the problem is getting worse over time, it’s a deal-breaker.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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