13 Brutally Honest Reasons Guys Always End Up Trying To Get Back With The Ex

Why your ex has come crawling back to you — or why he left you for his ex.

Here’s a solid post by one of my female readers. I found it very interesting…

Whether you’re fresh out of a breakup yourself or dating a guy who is, you might wonder if him getting back with an ex is a possibility.

I remember when my ex broke up with me. He was my everything, and I had expected that we’d end up being together forever. Out of all the guys I dated, I never expected to see him boomerang back to me, especially considering that he was so much more popular than I was

I was devastated, I really was.

My friend Jon, though, seemed totally mellow about the entire ordeal. He looked at me while sipping his beer in his classic “you can’t be serious” look. No matter how much I vented, his expression didn’t change, and for some reason, that just got to me.

“Why are you so mellow?” I asked. “I just got dumped!”

Jon laughed, and said, “Dude, I don’t get why you’re sitting here crying into your beer like that. You know he’s going to come back, right? They always come back.”

I didn’t believe him. Yet, no more than 4 years later, he had tried to get back together with me… except this time, I rejected him. He seemed more crushed than I did after the breakup. Eventually, I realized what Jon meant when he said that “they always come back.”

Most men will try to get back with the ex after a breakup, even if it’s not immediate. And sadly, the reasons why they do aren’t always the noblest.

Here are the most common reasons guys try to get back together with an ex.

1. The sex was good.

Most guys will not pass up good sex and they’ll often try to keep the avenue to sex with them open if they can help it. This is why so many guys will weave a sob story about how they “miss their ex,” but that they “can’t really commit to anything again.”

Make no mistake about it: most of the time, guys don’t miss their exes as much as they miss the sex.

2. He had a fall from grace.

This is actually what happened with me and my ex. He lost most of his hair and started looking like a creepy old man. Moreover, due to drama, he also lost a lot of friends who used to praise him and demonize me. Meanwhile, I got more muscular and more popular with his friends.

When a guy sees that their ex is doing way better than they are, they often will try to get back with the ex as a way to regain some of the social standing they once had.

3. He thought you were going to go downhill, and then you bounced back after the breakup.

This happened to me a number of times, and the funny thing about this is that most guys can’t even come up with a good excuse as to why they dumped you in the first place. It wasn’t that he was “in a bad place,” honey. It was that he was too selfish to actually stay by your side when you needed him.

Needless to say, if he kicked you while you were down, he doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time.

4. He had you as a backup plan, and the new girl dumped him.

This reason is most common with cheaters as well as guys who ghost early on in the relationship. The most common reasons he’ll give for dumping you when he apologizes include “I was going through something” and “I didn’t know what I had.” He may also say he misses you.

Don’t fall for it. You can do better than a guy who shelved you.

5. You’re doing well for yourself, and he’s broke.

This happened to my friend and her ex. He dumped her because she was making a solid $11 an hour at a local car wash, said he didn’t want to be seen with a “poor girl,” and that he was worried that she was a gold digger. He ended up losing his $55,000-per-year job later that year.

Guess who came knocking at her door asking for a second chance? That’s right: her ex. And guess who sagely slammed the door in his face? That’s right: she did.

Money is a relationship influencer for both men and women, and male gold diggers are increasingly common these days.

6. He wants to control you.

A scary amount of guys get off on the idea of having a girl wrapped around their little finger, and if he comes back to you once you’re finally over him, it could be because he realized that he no longer has a hold on you.

If you notice him regularly stringing you along, getting in the way of you dating others, or doing similar tactics, it’s a matter of control, not love, for this guy.

7. He doesn’t want to start over and he realized it a bit too late.

Dating is exhausting for most people, including men. Sadly, most guys out there have a “grass is greener” mentality until one fateful breakup… and then they want that girl back because they realized how much work is put into getting another girlfriend.

Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is never good for long-term relationships, so it’s best you keep walking.

8. You got hotter.

Did you lose 75 pounds after the breakup? As shallow as it is, guys will often try to get back together with an ex if that ex ends up looking super-hot later on. There’s a reason why Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body show has some truth to it, after all.

However, that interest guys have to get to know “the new you” is never genuine. If it was, then the packaging wouldn’t have mattered.

9. He misses the perks of being in a relationship with you.

Whether men want to admit it or not, being in a relationship does have perks. If he’s been single for a hot minute, then he may want to try to hit up exes in hopes he can get coupled up again, because he knows which girls treated him well.

Though others may disagree with me, I believe that any worthwhile guy will know what he has when he has it and won’t require a breakup to realize he wants you.

10. You became a challenge.

Were you always underfoot when you two were together? If he sees that you no longer want him, he may start chasing you because he sees you as a challenge now. It’s sad, but it’s true. Some guys never learn!

11. He legit changed.

This reason he came back is actually the rarest of all, and it’s up there in rarity with unicorns and Bigfoot. Guys can change if they really want to, but most of the time they won’t. If he tells you this, it may be better not to believe him.

12. He wants an ego boost.

Fragile male egos are a thing, and sometimes, they’ll hit up a girl just because they want to know they’re still attractive. Is this fair to you? No, and it’s all the more reason why you shouldn’t forgive an ex.

It’s not your job to protect the feelings of a man who hurt you, and frankly, no one would really think ill of you to make a point of telling him he’s not worth your time.

13. He regrets the way he treated you.

Some guys really don’t understand how awful they were to a girl until she leaves him. And when this happens, they are often filled with regret. However, going back to someone like this doesn’t ever really end well. After all, there’s no saying that he won’t fall into his old ways and take you for granted.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Gaslighting: 5 things to expect when your partner does this

The rules are always negatively bent to their advantage.

Gaslighting is a term that describes the feeling you get when your partner repeatedly accuses you of being too sensitive and too emotional.

It does not stop there; they make it sound like you are crazy, you nag too much and all other stuff whereas you are only just acting as a normal partner would. In a normal relationship, these the things you do would be right, but with a gaslighter, the rules are negatively bent in their favor.

For instance, when you call them out on their bullshit, they say you nag too much and flip it all on you. Or when you try to talk about real issues affecting the relationship they tell you it’s all in your head when it actually is not!

There are five things that happen when you are in a relationship with a gaslighter.

1. You doubt yourself

You legit ask yourself if you are the problem, and if that partner might be true with all the untrue stuff they come up with.

But of course, it’s not you, it’s them.

You no longer know what is true and what is not. [Credit - iStock]

 

2. You get hesitant

There comes a hesitation to the way you act and relate with them in the relationship.

You can no longer relate with them as you know lovers should because you either because you now resent them or because you now try to avoid being called too emotional, too needy or crazy.

In the end, the relationship becomes unsustainable and holds nothing good for you.

3. Dissatisfaction

Of course you won’t be happy in that kind of relationship. You won’t be satisfied either.

You are always confused [Credit: Carros Imagenes]

 

4. You’re always confused

Imagine having to question every correct thing you have always known about relationships. Your partner basically acts in manners that literally drives you crazy and question your own sanity.

You know partners are meant to care about each other, for example , but your partner always looks for a way to make you look like a needy person when you show how much you care about him/her.

5. You’re always sorry

Whenever you confront him/her with something wrong they did, they find a way to turn it around and pin it on you. So you end up saying sorry for something you should be pretty angry about.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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Tales of Rock: All The Cultural References In The Song ‘American Pie,’ Explained

I love writing this column every Sunday! Enjoy!

Eight minutes long, starting with “A long, long time ago,” Don McLean’s “American Pie” is a slice of cultural history. Since the song’s release, fans have been obsessed with answering one question: what is “American Pie” about?

“That song didn’t just happen,” McLean said of his 1971 hit, which was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame and named a Song of the Century by the Recording Industry Association of America. The classic folk-rock anthem, known for its expansive lyrics, is filled with cultural references related to American life in the 1950s and 1960s.

“I saw the implication of America going bye-bye, since by 1971 we were a horribly divided country with tremendous anger being directed at the government over… Vietnam,” McLean said in Alan Howard’s book The Don McLean Story, hinting at the song’s larger meaning: the disintegration of the American ideal McLean romanticized in his youth.

McLean’s ambiguous writing style lends itself to all types of interpretation, and that is how he wanted it. “People ask me if I left the lyrics open to ambiguity. Of course I did,” he said. “I wanted to make a whole series of complex statements. The lyrics had to do with the state of society at the time.”

McLean officially verified only one reference in the song: that Buddy Holly was a key influence in his life. As McLean put it, “I can say that Buddy was a huge part of my childhood dream. Long before I decided how I would use music or what kind of artist I would be, Buddy was there.”

Fans have pulled apart and analyzed the rest of the “American Pie” lyrics and references through context clues, research, and finding historical parallels to the decades that inspired the creation of McLean’s ballad.

‘Bye, Bye Miss American Pie’

Some fans believe the “American Pie” in the famous first line of McLean’s chorus refers to the name of the plane Buddy Holly perished on, but according to the federal Civil Aeronautics Board incident report about the aircraft’s demise, the plane didn’t have a name.

Jim Fann, creator of the Understanding American Pie website, argues the line has a potential two-fold meaning: a nod to the phrase “as American as apple pie” and an allusion to the Miss America beauty queen. The phrase “evokes a simpler time in American life when these icons held more meaning,” Fann said.

‘Drove My Chevy To The Levee But The Levee Was Dry’

McLean imbues his all-American song with all-American iconography, like the Chevy automobile or truck. The dried levee (which rhymes with Chevy) adds a sense of barrenness to the current landscape in the song.

Also, an advertisement for Chevrolet in 1953 featured a jingle sung by Dinah Shore that includes a reference to a levee.

‘Singin’ This’ll Be The Day’

This line likely refers to Buddy Holly’s song “That’ll Be the Day.”

Holly, along with singers the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens, and pilot Roger Peterson, perished in a plane incident February 3, 1959. Their small aircraft went down on a snowy late night after a concert in Clear Lake, IA.

‘A Long, Long Time Ago’

McLean released the song in 1971, but “American Pie” focuses on the 1950s, thus the exposition.

‘But February Made Me Shiver’

This is the first reference in “American Pie” (before the chorus) to Buddy Holly’s demise on February 3, 1959. He hopped on a plane after playing a show in Iowa, and never made it to his next stop: Minnesota. Instead, the plane’s remains were found in an Iowa cornfield, where all the passengers, including the pilot, perished.

It’s believed the plane flew into a blizzard and the inexperienced pilot lost control.

‘With Every Paper I’d Deliver / Bad News On The Doorstep / I Couldn’t Take One More Step’

McLean apparently worked as a newspaper delivery boy. And on February 3, 1959, the “bad news” was Buddy Holly’s demise, on the cover of every paper (the afternoon version) that McLean distributed.

‘When I Read About His Widowed Bride’

Buddy Holly was married to his young wife, Maria Elena Santiago-Holly, for only six months when he perished.

His widowed, pregnant new bride was so traumatized by the news of his demise that she had a miscarriage.

 

‘The Day The Music Died’

Buddy Holly was not the only musician who perished in the plane incident. He was on a 24-day, 24-city tour with the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens. The Big Bopper was known for his song “Chantilly Lace,” and Valens for “La Bamba.”

The loss of all three rock musicians in the same incident was seen as a tragedy, and in McLean’s mind, marked the end of a musical era that would never be reclaimed.

‘Did You Write The Book Of Love?’

“The Book of Love” is a famous doo-wop song by The Monotones, a group from Newark, NJ. The song was released in 1958, topping pop and R&B charts. It must have left an impression on young McLean. As the lyrics to the song go:

I wonder, wonder who, mmbadoo-ooh, who
Who wrote the book of love

The track actually made it to Woodstock 1969, where it was covered by Sha Na Na.

‘If The Bible Tells You So?’

“The Bible Tells Me So” was a gospel pop adaptation of the Sunday school song “Jesus Loves Me” written by Dale Evans in 1955 and recorded by a handful of singers the same year.

Versions from Nick Noble and Don Cornell were especially popular, soaring high on Billboard charts.

‘You Both Kicked Off Your Shoes’

This is likely a reference to sock hops, beloved teenage dance parties in the ’40s and ’50s that involved playing popular music in gymnasiums or community halls. Sock hops coincided with the rise of rock ‘n’ roll as the ’50s progressed.

Participants were told to take their shoes off to protect the varnish on dance floors.

‘With A Pink Carnation And A Pickup Truck’

In 1957, Marty Robbins released the heartbreak song “A White Sport Coat (And a Pink Carnation)” about a young man “all dressed up for the dance” and “all alone in romance.”

‘And Moss Grows Fat On A Rolling Stone’

A year after Bob Dylan released “Like a Rolling Stone” in 1965, he was involved in a strange motorcycle incident that made him lie low for a year or two at the height of his career. He’d just transformed himself from a folk singer to an electric guitar-playing rock musician, which caused a lot of controversy within the American music scene.

Some fans believe McLean’s intention with this line in “American Pie” is to highlight the evolution of music between the ’50s and early ’70s while also pushing the action of the song into the ’60s.

‘When The Jester Sang For The King And Queen’

According to one fan theory, Bob Dylan is the jester, Pete Seeger is the king, and Joan Baez is the queen. All three were influential and politically motivated folk singers in early ’60s, and it’s not a stretch to suggest their music influenced McLean’s own folksy sound. Dylan, Seeger, and Baez were all on stage together at the Newport Folk Festival in 1963, where they sang Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind” in unison.

Another theory is that the king and queen refer to President John F. Kennedy and first lady Jackie Kennedy.

‘In A Coat He Borrowed From James Dean’

This line could be another reference to Bob Dylan.

On the cover of his 1963 album The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, Dylan wears a red windbreaker similar to the one worn by James Dean in the film Rebel Without a Cause.

‘And While The King Was Looking Down’

If the king is Pete Seeger, the godfather of folk, this could be a reference to him looking down upon the way Bob Dylan experimented with music in the 1960s.

‘The Jester Stole His Thorny Crown’

Bob Dylan the jester became the king, taking the crown when he won hearts with his brand of folksy rock ‘n’ roll.

Who did he take the crown from? Some people believe it’s Elvis, the “King of Rock ‘n’ Roll.” Others stick with Pete Seeger.

‘The Courtroom Was Adjourned / No Verdict Was Returned’

Returning to the JFK theory, after he was slain in 1963 , the man accused of the slaying, Lee Harvey Oswald, was himself slain.

Therefore, “no verdict was returned” because no trial actually occurred.

‘And While Lennon Read A Book On Marx’

While some fans think McLean is singing about Communist revolutionary Vladimir Lenin, the more popular theory is that he’s singing about the Beatles becoming more political with their music as tensions soared in the ’60s. The Beatles, adored by American youth, were deemed inappropriate by older generations who thought their music was too rowdy.

As their sound evolved, the Beatles released songs like “Revolution” in 1968, whose message is in line with the Communist philosophies of German writer Karl Marx, known for The Communist Manifesto.

’The Quartet Practiced In The Park’

The quartet is likely the Beatles: Paul McCartney, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr.

‘And We Sang Dirges In The Dark’

A dirge is a funereal song of mourning, and there were plenty of lives to mourn in the ’60s: President John F. KennedyMartin Luther King Jr., and Robert F. Kennedy among them.

The line could also refer to the Vietnam conflict; many drafted service members sent overseas never made it back home.

‘Helter Skelter In A Summer Swelter’

“Helter Skelter” is a song the Beatles released in 1968, a year of political and social turmoil in the United States.

The next August, “in a summer swelter,” followers of Charles Manson brutally slayed five people, including the actress Sharon Tate, who was eight months pregnant at the time.

‘The Birds Flew Off From A Fallout Shelter’

Some fans speculate this is an allusion to the ’60s rock band The Byrds. A fallout shelter is a euphemism for a treatment center, which one of the band members checked into after being caught with illicit substances.

‘Eight Miles High And Falling Fast’

Eight Miles High is the title of a 1966 album by The Byrds, considered one of the first real trippy records.

The groundbreaking sound of the album was influenced by plenty of experimentation with illicit substances, particularly acid.

‘It Landed Foul On The Grass’

Grass. Herb. Dope. Pot. Doobie. All of these slang words refer to one thing, a certain illicit (and some consider foul-smelling) substance favored in the ’60s counterculture on display in “American Pie”: weed.

‘With The Jester On The Sidelines In A Cast’

Fans believe this is another homage to Bob Dylan’s 1966 motorcycle incident.

‘While Sergeants Played A Marching Tune’

The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in 1967, and this is likely an allusion to that significant album.

With this release, the Beatles amped up their innovative approach to rock music, including sitars and sound collages.

‘ ‘Cause The Players Tried To Take The Field / The Marching Band Refused To Yield’

Fans see this as a remark about the protest movement that seemed to peak in the late ’60s and early ’70s, from Chicago to Kent State.

Young people demonstrated en masse against prejudice, military conflicts, and economic injustice.

‘Oh, And There We Were, All In One Place’

McLean could be making a statement about the unifying power of the Woodstock 1969 festival in Bethel, NY, which brought together more than 400,000 people in one weekend.

Many of the most well-known rock musicians of the time performed, including Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. The festival is viewed as the height of American hippie culture.

‘Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick / Jack Flash Sat On A Candlestick’

This line could be a mash-up between the “Jack Be Nimble” nursery rhyme and the 1969 song “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” by the Rolling Stones, released on their album Live’r Than You’ll Ever Be.

Fans think this is an insult to the Stones for not coming up with a good comeback to the Beatles’ album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. According to their theory, “Jack” is Mick Jagger.

‘Cause Fire Is The Devil’s Only Friend’

According to one theory, the “Devil” could be Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger, representing rebellion and estrangement, and the pull away from a more innocent time perceived earlier in music and the world.

‘No Angel Born In Hell / Could Break That Satan’s Spell’

“No angel born in Hell” could refer to the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club, which instigated a riot at the 1969 Altamont Free Concert in California.

The Hells Angels agreed to provide security during a performance by the Rolling Stones, and an 18-year-old black man perished at the hands of a member of the motorcycle group. The events of the day are considered by some to be the day the “free love” movement ended.

‘I Met A Girl Who Sang The Blues’

The “girl” could be Janis Joplin, the rock singer with a singular bluesy voice who perished from taking illicit substances in 1970.

Her hits “Piece of My Heart” and “Me and Bobby McGee” were considered anthems for the hippie generation.

‘I Went Down To The Sacred Store / Where I’d Heard The Music Years Before / But The Man There Said The Music Wouldn’t Play’

McLean is possibly bemoaning the loss of interest in ’50s music at record stores.

When he released the song in 1971, perhaps he was suggesting no one cared about music from this bygone era anymore.

‘And In The Streets The Children Screamed’

This line could be an allusion to all the turmoil that occurred in the years leading up to the song’s creation.

Thousands of young people across the country were involved in various protest movements, which led to confrontations with law enforcement or other groups.

‘And The Three Men I Admire Most / The Father, Son, And The Holy Ghost’

McLean was apparently raised Catholic, so bringing religion in at the end of the song makes sense.

The sacred holy trinity, however, catches “the last train for the coast,” likely a sign McLean believes America lost its moral foundation in 1959.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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