‘Jerk-Baiting’ Is The Infuriating New Dating Trend You Can’t Get Mad At

Your hot new fling suddenly cancels. Tinder bae goes through your phone. Your partner of two years treats your kitchen like an (absurd) art studio.

While these situations all appear quite different, they have one thing in common: they stretch your patience.

But what does that have to do with ‘jerk-baiting’? We spoke to couple’s counselor Heidi Gee to get the low-down on that very question: welcome to the most devious dating trend of 2020.

‘Jerk-baiting’ is when you deliberately test how ~keen~ your partner really is on you (or how psycho they might be), by baiting them into being a jerk.

As Heidi tells us, the kindling for this trend (i.e. the age-old ‘shit test’) has been around forever. But now, with the advent of smartphones and dating apps, it has taken off, giving early-stage daters easier ways to test each other and longer-term couples more things to bait each other with.

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“Communication has changed and interpersonal skills have changed a lot so it’s quite easy for people to avoid difficult conversations.” Not only that but many women these days, Heidi tells us, are afraid of the consequences of directly rejecting someone.

As the wealth of rejection-gone-wrong literature reveals, there is good reason to jerk-bait a potential partner to make sure they are not a psycho.

The problem is, jerk-baiting can backfire in numerous ways. Not only can it land your phone with some truly bizarre text messages, but it can also push someone awesome away from you if they don’t realize that you’re testing them.

This also has a tendency to happen in full-blown relationships, with couples deliberately and subconsciously testing each other’s patience.


Why? According to Heidi, it comes down to self-esteem: “We all play those games of seeing how much the person does like us, what they would do for us, pushing their buttons, pushing them to the limit.”

“Moving in with someone and seeing how much they will take care of x y and z around the house,” is a great example, she tells us. “[I’ve had] couples come in and that’s been an issue: ‘I don’t do the dishes because I know she’s going to do it – these things can build up and cause tension.”

Another example is when one partner, “Will sabotage or say things to get a reaction to see how much they [the other partner] cares and whether they would be chased and how much they’re loved.”

Sound familiar? Here’s what Heidi recommends you should do if you find yourself jerk-baiting: “If you’re uncertain about where your relationship or feelings stand then you ask the partner rather than baiting them; that could make things fall apart rather than the partner chasing.”

On the other hand, if you are the jerk-baitee, Heidi says it is crucial not to get mad, but rather, “Be assertive, ask your partner, ‘Why are you doing this? When you do this it makes me feel like x y z.’ You need to talk to each other, identify what’s missing in the relationship and figure out what you can do to show them you really care [and that they don’t need to be annoying to get your attention.”


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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18 Things Women Find Irresistible About Their Man

One would assume that if you’re in a happy, healthy relationship and were given a challenge to name 5 things you found irresistible about your mate in 30 seconds you could do it, right? Ok I did start this blog with the word assume – so I’m assuming you could.  But guys if you’re reading this, I somehow happened upon 18 things women find irresistible. So, you’re welcome if any of these helps you out:

  • Own a pair of really nice shoes and actually wear them.
  • Brush the hair out of their eyes.
  • Are able to hold a baby or push a stroller without squirming.
  • Plan an evening out from soup to nuts, from finding a movie to making the dinner reservations.
  • Kiss creatively.
  • Handle our emotions with grace and compassion.
  • Have impassioned, informed opinions about women writers and women’s issues.
  • Can distinguish between being courteous and being wimpy.
  • Know how to inscribe a card with a heartfelt, personal message.
  • Demonstrate respect for others by standing up when your mother comes to the table, giving up a seat on the bus for a pregnant woman, asking your dad for his opinion and really listening, etc.
  • Show genuine, platonic interest in your female friends’ lives.
  • Are playful around dogs, cats and kids.
  • Make the bed in the morning and fold the laundry — competently.
  • Offer juice, soup and TLC when we’re sick.
  • Do the come-from-behind cuddle-hug, just to say hello.
  • Remember insignificant details, like our favorite color or flower, and make use of that knowledge.
  • Are unfailingly polite to all members of the service industries.
  • Offer us caresses and compliments for no particular reason.

Ladies, do you agree? Does your man already do any of these? You’d think some would be a given. And I’ll be honest; I can’t wait to read your comments! Be sure to sound off. As always, thanks for stopping by my blog today! – Chaz


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

My New Book, ANGEL WITH A BROKEN WING is Now on Sale at Amazon! (kindle & paperback)

Get it here:




We’ve been in quarantine for months here in Philly. My daughter and I have been making the best of it. She’s been recording new music in our home studio, and I’ve been holed up in my office working on a book.

I like to work and be busy. But there’s been nowhere for us to go, since March 14th. Everything’s shut down. There was nothing we could do about it, but collect unemployment like the other 40 million people out of work in this country.

At first, we both slept in and enjoyed being off from work. It was a welcome repose from the daily grind of being on our feet all day, both working in restaurants in this city. I think we both had hangovers from working in a tough industry.

I remember putting in 55 hours a week at my last job, and some days thinking… “I wish this would all just stop.”

And it did.

It was like a miracle. It’s as if we rubbed a lamp and were granted just one simple wish.

I remember in the beginning, I rested and sometimes didn’t bathe because I suddenly didn’t have to be anywhere.

But after a week, I began writing like mad on my blog. I wanted to respond to what was happening with my words. I was posting up to 6 times a day just to give my readers content on ways to deal with these extraordinary circumstances.

I went to bed earlier, and woke up earlier. Most days between 7 and 8am. It was nice to want to see the day. The full day. I let my hair and beard grow. I liked that I started to resemble the Big Lebowski, or a fat Thor, from not having to be running around all the time.

I would get up early, shower, eat breakfast, run any errands needed for the house, and then write.

But something was itching at my brain. I needed to create something of value during this sudden vacation. A time where I didn’t HAVE to go to work to meet my obligations. My daughter felt the same. We both realized we couldn’t squander this gift.

Lorelei bought some special recording equipment and decided to start recording her own songs. She did a cover of a cool song by Doja Cat and she and her friend shot a video. Then she started working on an original composition. She wrote the lyrics and the music for a new song. Her song. An original composition.

I was blown away that this feat could be accomplished. Because I come from a world where I had to pay thousands of dollars to go into a studio to do the very same thing thirty years ago. But technology rocks!

I wanted to create something new. Not a non-fiction, compilation of stories from my blog. Something new. A story. A fable. A love story that included all of the elements of all the films I liked. A thriller, road movie, romance, mystery, action yarn that would be full of twists and turns.

The world had gone a bit mad, and I wanted to create a world I could control. I wanted it to take place in a time before there were smart phones or social media. A story about a boy and a girl trying to fall in love, during extraordinary circumstances. Let’s put a fancy car in there. Have them drive across the country on a road trip. Let’s throw a bad guy in there. That’ll keep them on edge. Let’s make it a mystery too. Let’s David Lynch it up a bit with some interesting, unique characters. Let’s make them all flawed in some way. They all have the potential to be good, but they’re all struggling with themselves. They all want something, but they don’t know the right way to get it. A collection of misfits all trying to find themselves. All broken in some way. They want to fly, but their wings are broken, so they choose to run.

You run away in an attempt to find yourself, but in the end, maybe you realize that what’s important, is you’ve been there the whole time.


So I started writing this book. I worked on it every day. 7 days a week from 10am to around 7pm everyday. Literally keeping those restaurant hours without having to be on my feet.

I wanted to create something completely original. Not a collection of stories from all of my dating adventures here in Philly. Something born from my mind. That’s how, Angel with a Broken Wing came about!

What should the cover be? A picture of an old statue from ancient Rome with one of it’s wings broken off? No. A photo of a fallen angel? Please.

Then it struck me. How about a pen and ink drawing of the female lead wearing a white pashmina on her head and a cool pair of sunglasses? There she is, fresh from a sumptuous dinner with her romantic suitor in Palm Springs. It’s dusk in the California desert, and she looks at the horizon. The palm trees reflected in her sunglasses, she turns to him and allows him a kiss. Has she made a mistake?  Will she yield to him? Probably not… but maybe.

That could work for the cover. That could be the very essence of the book. So I decided to create the artwork for the cover myself.

But I drew that back in 1980, when I was 17 years old,and an art major in high school.

What if you could just run away from your current life?

Christian Blackmore works as a manager at a local finance company in New Jersey. He’s burned out from all the bad loans, and making collection calls every night. He spends his days laboring at a job he hates, and his evenings drinking at a local bar with his best friend. 

When his favorite uncle dies, and leaves him a unique inheritance, he begins to question the path he’s taken in life.

He decides to take a road trip across the country with a woman he just met. She’s a mysterious beauty, who may hold a dark secret. 

What begins as a romantic journey, becomes a nightmare, when he realizes he’s being followed by an elusive stranger. What does he want? Is it Christian, the girl, or something far more sinister?

Angel with a Broken Wing, takes you on a terrifying, coast to coast thrill ride across America. Can one man fall in love, and stay one step ahead in a cat and mouse game with a killer?

Get it here:





Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is available now on AMAZON!


Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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