This Is What Makes A Woman Truly Beautiful To Men

“BEAUTY IS NOT IN THE FACE; BEAUTY IS A LIGHT IN THE HEART.” – KAHLIL GIBRAN

There may be various things that make a woman appear attractive to a man. But what makes a woman beautiful goes much deeper than the skin and what we can see with our eyes. It depends on what makes a man fall in love with a woman, her personality, her behavior and who she is as a person. Let’s take a look at what exactly makes women beautiful to men.

As a man with a twenty three-year-old daughter, I am sometimes quite concerned with society’s continuing obsession with beauty, more specifically about our definition and attitudes about a woman’s beauty.

The messages, for the most part, are fear-based and focused not as much on appreciating beauty as artificially preserving it and hanging onto it. The premise is that time and age make a woman less beautiful and that women must sacrifice time, money and health to conform to an externally dictated standard of beauty.

My concern is that the media has bombarded us with messages that have hypnotized us into believing that their definition of beauty is actually true. Like most of the messages we see in the media, the motivation is control and money. The beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar powerhouse that stays in business by telling us what is beautiful and who is beautiful, for their own gain.

I’m not worth nearly a billion dollars, but I am a man who’s been on the planet for over half a century, as well as a psychologist in Los Angeles, so I’ve seen and heard a lot about it, and would like to offer my perspective as a man who’s been around the block and isn’t in the pocket of the beauty business.

“THE BEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD CANNOT BE SEEN OR EVEN TOUCHED – THEY MUST BE FELT WITH THE HEART.” – HELEN KELLER

First, a woman is not beautiful in a vacuum, there is always an observer who interprets that beauty, even if it is the woman herself. But what I’d really like to talk about is how a man creates beauty through his perception of a woman.

Yes, I firmly believe that the love and admiration of a man has a role in creating beauty in a woman. I learned that quantum physics tells us that observation affects the “reality” of what is being observed.

In making this statement, I want to make a distinction between “beautiful” and “attractive”. We are biologically disposed towards what is attractive, based upon what would make good “breeding” material in both sexes. It’s not romantic, but it’s true.

As the theory goes, classic attractiveness is based upon symmetry and proportion. The more symmetrical, the more “pure” and more prone to survival are the underlying genetics. We know and react to this deep within our DNA on a visceral, unconscious level.

This isn’t really news. The designers of the Great Pyramids of Egypt, as well as Leonardo Da Vinci and so many others of the Renaissance, used the “Golden Ratio” of 1:1.62 in creating their masterpieces. When an object or person meets this ratio, we consider it or them to be beautiful.

We can apply this to the ratio of face length to face width. We can apply it to nose-to-chin or pupil-to-nose ratios. It is endless—just ask any plastic surgeon.

“WHEN I THINK OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, THEY’RE NOT SUPERMODELS.” – BECKI NEWTON

Psychologically, we find attractive someone who embodies the qualities of our primary caregivers. The people who raised us, typically our parents and extended family are our models for a relationship, emotionally as well as physically. Sometimes we choose someone who is the opposite of them, yet we are still using them as our template.

We are all drawn to certain body parts that sexually stimulate us: face, eyes, hair, breasts, belly, butt, legs, ankles. We each have different preferences, which is a good thing, as it is a rare woman who has each body part exactly as we would prefer. Again, this variation in what is attractive offers another genetic advantage through creating a more varied gene pool and is, therefore, more conducive to the survival of the species.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

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How You Can Tell If You’re Putting In Too Much Work In A Relationship

Relationships are hard work. You’ve no doubt heard people say this before. But the notion of “working hard” on love can be confusing. Exactly how challenging is it supposed to be? When can you tell if you’re actually putting too much effort into a relationship and not getting enough back?

Well, if this possibility is something you’re grappling with, begin first and foremost by checking in with yourself and your needs in the partnership. And as therapist Dea Dean, who has a private practice in Mississippi, tells Bustle, there are some more obvious signs you may be in an imbalanced dynamic where emotional work is involved. For one, if the invitations you extend to your partner for connection, partnership, or communication are denied or dismissed repeatedly, this indicates a problem, Dean says.

“If your partner says they are willing to meet a need (more quality time, healthier boundaries with friends or family, equal share in household responsibilities), yet their behavior consistently reveals unwillingness and a lack of follow-through,” Dean says, that’s not a good sign.

And as Lisa Myers, 32, tells Bustle, she has found herself in unbalanced relationships where she gives things up to focus on her partner’s needs. “My biggest thing has always been ‘dumbing down’ my success or how social I am because it makes my partner’s uncomfortable,” Myers says. “Literally every one of them.”

While every relationship has its ups and downs, and the internal dynamic between the two of you might shift, in general, it should be a give-and-take that works for both of you. Below, take a look at some signs that you might be doing too much when it comes to keeping your relationship working.

1. You Feel Drained When You Hang Out

It's normal to feel confused or stressed out when your relationship is taking an inordinate amount of energy.

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Every now and then, being around your partner — or anyone, for that matter — can be draining. But as life and relationship coach Diana Venckunaite tells Bustle, hanging out with your partner should be fun, fulfilling, and relaxing for the most part. It’s the kind of dynamic that should lift you, not deplete you.

“If you feel exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally every time your partner leaves, then you may be doing too much work to please your partner and going out of your way to make sure that everything is perfect,” Venckunaite says. Are you the one who makes the plans? Takes care of the food? Tries to maintain the peace? Ask yourself what you think your “responsibilities” are, and if they are truly balanced between you both.

2. You Feel Like Your Partner’s Therapist

“A relationship needs a strong foundation of being one another’s rock during tough and stressful times, where you trade who will be the support for who on and off,” Venckunaite says.

But if you find yourself being “the rock” over and over again, then you have to sit down and think if you’re getting enough from the relationship.

You both deserve to be mutually supported, and feel safe to ask for help and let your guard down. And remember, even as a source of love and strength, you aren’t responsible for each other’s emotional issues.

3. You Feel Irritated A Lot Of The Time

It can feel very frustrating to  be putting in more emotional work than your partner.

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You might start to get irritated with your partner once you begin recognizing there are some imbalances, Venckunaite says. Maybe it’s because you always end up being the designated driver, or you can predict in advance the way your partner is going to behave in a social situation.

“You’re not a babysitter,” Venckunaite says. And you shouldn’t have to feel irritation that foreshadows the same things happening every single time you go out.

4. You Feel Your Contributions Are Unmatched

Dean says that if you are giving on an emotional, financial, or physical level and it’s not being reciprocated in some balanced way, you can easily become critical and withdrawn.

Do you pay for everything and do all the house work? Are you always providing emotional support and doing all the planning? Even if you give different things, you want to make sure you are giving to each other in an equitable way.

“In order to avoid [imbalance] partners can frequently ‘check-in’ with one another and give non- judgmental feedback about how they can better help one another and find balance in negotiating responsibilities with finances, housework, emotional care and relational preferences,” Dean says.

5. If Your Partner Asks For Something Small, You Feel Resentful

Resentments can build easily when you feel unappreciated.

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Again, if you feel like you are putting a whole lot into the relationship without much in return, you might notice yourself feeling bad in general, but that might be doubled when your partner asks you for something. For example, if you feel like you’re constantly the one giving, having them ask for that glass of water at the end of the night might be the last darn straw.

“If this is happening to you, take some time to identify if your resentment is stemming from your own needs going unmet,” Dean says.

If you do indeed find that is what’s going on for you, it’s time to communicate with your partner.

“Once you’ve informed your partner of the imbalance in your dynamic and invited them to demonstrate care for your desires, evaluate whether they show willingness to match the level and frequency of care you’re longing for,” Dean says.

Ultimately, never doubt that you deserve a supportive relationship that makes you feel respected and seen. Even when it’s a lot of work — it should be work for both of you.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Will Your Love Last Past The Pandemic? How To Tell If You’re Being Coronazoned

Your Co-Star is telling you to “embrace the now with grace,” but you’ve been wearing the same sweatpants for three days and forget what going outside feels like. The good news? Your coronavirus crush is coming along swimmingly: You’ve texted back and forth, exchanged a few nudes, and even discussed how nice it would be if you could social distance together. But there’s a slight catch: Whenever you bring up the prospect of going on an actual date in the real world, you get left on read. How will your love last past quarantine?

Friend, if this is happening to you, you might be getting coronazoned.

The pandemic-pegged cousin of “friendzoning”, coronazoning can be defined as engaging in flirty, romantic, and/or sexual conversation with someone you have no intention of dating once social-distancing is over, solely because self-isolation is leaving you bored and lonely.

And like getting friendzoned, it absolutely sucks.

If you’re worried your COVID-19 courtship won’t make it past incubation, here are five signs you might be getting coronazoned.

1. They’re more interested in your pet than your personality.

While I’m sure your rare fish is amazing, if your crush is more interested in getting cute videos of your dog eating peanut butter out of the container than getting to know you, they’re probably not in it for the long haul.

“People seek relationships during high-stress times to serve as a means of escape in different ways,” Pricilla Martinez, founder of Regroop Online Life Coaching, tells Bustle.

Listen, spending all day talking about coronavirus can be exhausting, and it’s natural to need a reprieve (or a flood of funny videos). But if your crush only asks to see pictures of your pussy cat (I’m talking about your actual cat) and changes the subject whenever you bring up how worried you are about your grandparents? You, my dear, should call the zoning board — Because you’re likely getting coronazoned.

2. They’ll vent all day about their roommate Kyle but never ask about your life.

When an entire week’s worth of conversation is comprised of you listening to them vent about their roommate doing CrossFit in the living room and quelling their fears of never going to Coachella again, you may be getting coronazoned.

“Given the high level of stress and anxiety with the pandemic issues, it’s absolutely natural to feel scared and confused” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, tells Bustle.

As Manley shares, you don’t have to be a water sign to need a little extra emotional support right now. Still, if you find yourself constantly comforting your crush and they’ve never asked how you’re coping, it may be time to reevaluate.

In short: if you’re feeling like your crush’s therapist, parent, and life coach named Zelda, you’re probably in the zone. The coronazone.

3. They only hit you up between lunch & 6:00 p.m.

Long gone are the days of late-night booty calls and last call-inspired hookups. As bars and restaurants close their doors, and more and more people are working from home, it seems like everyone is looking for someone — anyone — to exchange breakout room small talk with. Consider a 1:00 p.m., “What’s up?!” to be the quarantine edition of a 1:00 a.m., “U up?”

While it’s nice to have someone to schmooze with during the day, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, and your crush just needs someone to G-Chat on their work-from-home lunch break, you’re probably getting coronazoned.

4. When you try to hold eye contact over Zoom, they angle their camera at their crotch.

If you and your date are both seeking some temporary comfort or excitement, getting virtually frisky can be a major stress reliever. However, per Dr. Manly, “if one person is hoping for a long-term reconnection, and the other is seeking temporary comfort — not addressing this discrepancy can lead to hurt feelings, confusion, and anger,”

Sexting just to sext can be flipping amazing. Turning up the heat over FaceTime for one night? You love to see it. But if you’re looking for a deep connection and your date just wants you to sit on their Face(Time), you might not be on the same page about what you’re looking for on the other side of self-isolation.

5. Their phone dies every time you mention making post-quarantine plans.

You and your new boo don’t need to commit to each other for life. But when you ask your quarantine crush if they’d like to grab a drink whenever bars reopen, and they respond, “Oh no! My phone battery is about to die!” (or, better yet, don’t respond at all), you’re likely getting a socially distant snubbing.

“It’s important to be intentional about what this looks like after the stressful period,” Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, licensed clinical psychologist at Therapy Group of NYC, tells Bustle. “Agreement on expectations and needs is critical.”

If your quarantine crush is always bailing on your FaceTime dates, has never asked about life outside your apartment, and takes days to respond to your DMs, they’re probably not as invested in your happiness as you are in theirs. You deserve someone that’s going to prioritize you — during a global pandemic and every other damn day.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly