Who’s worth your time?
If you’re new to online dating and you’re not sure which men are worth a right-swipe, a nod, a wink, or a message, you need to pay attention to the red flags.
Who’s not worthy of any of your attention, at all? When you learn the red flags to watch out for from the beginning, you’ll save time and heartache (or worse) later on.
When you’re in the first flush of attraction, it can be ever so easy to ignore or rationalize red flags. All the information you need is right there on the dating sites.
So, take this dating advice to heart: don’t ignore the signs that should be setting off alarms, bells, flashing lights and sending you running for the nearest exit.
Here are the 9 men you’ll find when online dating who loudly scream red flags.
1. The Flim-Flammer/Scammer
This is an important red flag: no man looking to date you should be asking you for money or favors. No. Man.
Never give money to anyone you’re chatting with on a dating site or app. If a man asks you for money, stop talking to him. These predators use online dating sites to take advantage of women who are lonely for attention and looking for love.
This guy will say anything to build your trust. He’ll try to make you fall for him. It’s all manipulation meant to get his hands on your hard-earned money.
He needs to attend a family member’s funeral. He is late with his rent because his paycheck got lost in the mail. He’s interested in moving to the U.S. from another country.
That kind of help is what friends and family are for — not the woman he’s chatting with online and hoping to date. Your wallet and bank account are not a part of the package.
2. The Love Bomber
Attraction at first sight? Sure. True love at first sight? And from a glimpse at your profile picture? Um, not so much. This guy uses excessive texting, e-mailing, or phone calls to tell you:
No one falls in love based on a picture, a profile, or a brief message.
Relationships take time to build. Players, narcissists, and sociopaths have agendas with their partners. They often appear intense and deep. They move fast and get serious way too soon.
This guy wants to convince you he’s madly in love with you. He’ll do his best to intensify the relationship so you feel breathless and swept off of your feet.
I know a guy like this. I recently cut him off.
3. The Hair Trigger/Rusher
This guy gets angry or annoyed in a hurry. If you don’t respond to his message immediately, he sulks or complains about it. Or, he may pressure you into meeting right away. Like 15 minutes after you first exchange messages. If you won’t (and you shouldn’t!) he may pout or try to wheedle you into changing your mind.
This guy may be needy, controlling or jealous. Or, he may want to get together for a brief sexual fling rather than develop a relationship.
If this man is looking for something serious, he’ll take the time to have a few conversations with you. He’ll also give you a chance to get to know him before trying to see you.
4. “Only here for the…”
When a guy states “not looking for anything serious” on his profile, believe him.
He is not here to find his soul mate. He’s not interested in a long-term relationship. He wants to casually date, and have some fun. That’s no crime.
But, unless you too are only out to have some fun and casually date, don’t waste your time. You’re going to change him.
5. The Playboy/Player
This guy will have plenty of pictures of himself on his dating profile. With other women. Lots of them.
He’s out to show the world — and you — that he gets around and is proud of it. It’s unlikely he’s looking for a serious relationship. And if he should tell you the women in the photos are friends or his relatives, .
The guy with no pictures of himself on his profile. Or, his photos are dark or blurry. He’s wearing sunglasses and a hat. What’s he hiding? Is he shy?
Mysterio may be in a relationship or married and looking to cheat. Or not, but do you want to hang around to find out?
7. The Sexter
The Sexter can hardly wait to send women nude pictures of himself or shots of specific parts of his anatomy (a.k.a. a di*k pic).
He will also ask you for the same. As the name implies, the Sexter is looking for sex.
Men who want to get to know you and form a relationship do not immediately want to show off their package. Nor are they focused on your womanly attributes.
If you’re looking for more than a casual sexual relationship, don’t waste your time with him.
8. The Party Boy
A picture or two of a man having drinks or dining out with friends is fine. More than that, and you’ll see that his profile looks as though he’s still in college, living the frat boy dream.
If you’re looking for a mature man who doesn’t party every night or every weekend, skip the Party Boy.
9. The Imaginary Lover
You can start out believing this guy is worth a second look or meeting in person. He sends interesting and witty emails and/or texts. He’s well-spoken and polite. He can talk about any subject under the sun, but he never makes plans to meet.
Unless you’re looking for a 21st-century pen-pal or you are endlessly fascinated by his spiel, move on.
For your own sanity’s sake, decide on a set number of texts or e-mails you’re prepared to exchange. It should be 4-6. This number is for you, not him. When it’s been reached, tell him you’d like to chat on the phone and make a date to meet. If he won’t or he stalls, move on.
When you’re still learning how to date, especially online, it’s important to stay safe. Be happy. Enjoy dating for what it is — a great way to get to know a person.
Online dating isn’t so different than any other kind of dating. And it’s not meant to remain online. You want time to get to know someone before you’re involved and committed.
By knowing how to spot the types of men to avoid, you can focus on meeting men who are worth getting to know. Lastly, don’t ignore your gut instincts and intuition. If something feels wrong or creepy — pay attention!
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