You’re getting in your own way.
We’re all adults here and we theoretically “know” that acting desperate and needy is unattractive. The problem is that acting needy isn’t something that anyone sets out to do deliberately; rather, their low self-esteem just takes over.
Usually, people don’t realize they’re even acting that way until the person they’re dating sits them down and ends the relationship (or worse, ghosts them completely). Even then, it can seem like a total mystery why the relationship fell apart.
Whether the person ever realized it or not, at some point, they fell out of balance and started radiating insecure vibes.
Here are seven signs you’re guilty of acting needy and clingy, and have major insecurity issues.
1. You pre-clear your schedule.
Because you expect your partner to be available at a certain day or time, you block it off in advance without having set plans. While this seems good on the surface — after all, you’re making time for someone — it’s really a problem because you’re likely neglecting your own passions, friends/family, and hobbies.
Make time for each other by mutual agreement, not because you’re holding out a catcher’s mitt for your partner’s attention.
2. You dwell on and over-analyze everything your partner says or does.
Since fear makes us feel uncomfortable, like we’re out of control, sometimes we fight to regain control by analyzing every move our partner makes, believing that if we understand it, we can change it.
Unfortunately, over-analyzing usually causes us to say and do things that seem highly insecure, because we’re dwelling on all of it so heavily.
3. You view other people your partner spends time with as competition.
Do you feel jealous a lot? Angry that your boyfriend spent an hour on the phone with his brother? Or that your girlfriend had lunch with her work friends?
Getting bent out of shape over the fact that they’re spending time with other people is a sign that you’re getting clingy. It’s a huge mistake to indulge these feelings and then give your partner a hard time for sharing their attention with others.
It just makes you look (and feel) controlling and unattractive to them.
4. Your partner actually says they need more time to themselves.
If your partner is actually asking you to back off, then for heaven’s sake, back off.
For any relationship to thrive, both people need the opportunity to rest and recharge away from each other. You can’t make someone love you more by forcing them to spend every waking moment with you. Let the relationship breathe a little.
5. You shower your partner with a flurry of gifts and praise.
Because you’re feeling off-balance, it’s tempting to overcompensate by trying to give your partner everything in an attempt to show them how much you care about them and the relationship (and then hope they reciprocate in kind).
When your partner pulls away, it can feel like the right move is to draw closer, but this is actually a mistake.
6. When they don’t reciprocate, you feel resentful.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’re giving to get something back, be it gifts, praise or simply their attention and affection. This kind of conditional giving is not a good look for you (and you already know that), but often we do this unconsciously.
The test for whether you’re giving authentically (and in the right amount) is asking yourself: Is there balanced give and take in your relationship or does it feel like you’re doing all of the giving? If it’s the latter, you’re probably giving to get, out of a sense of fear or insecurity about the relationship’s future.
7. You try to nudge them into a bigger commitment than they’re ready for.
When we feel insecure and worry that someone is pulling away from us, often we try to pressure them to reassure us that they’ll never leave us. But this insecure behavior and attitude just causes them to want to leave us.
Have you been doing the things on this list? Or, has a past partner driven you away by doing these needy things?
We all feel needy and insecure from time to time. The secret is to face those feelings and handle them in a healthy way to avoid sabotaging our relationships.
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