Every Man Needs These Two Things

And sex is not one of them.

There are certain things you need in life – food, shelter, clothing, sleep. There are certain things you may want — a new car, a better body, more hair. But there are 2 things that you must have, if you are ever going to live your best life.

We all want to live our best lives right?! If you do, these 2 things will go along way to getting you there.

  1. A life worth living
  2. A love to die for (it’s not necessarily what you think)

A life worth living

Living a life of purpose and meaning would seem to be intrinsic to us all. Why else would there be thousands of books, seminars, conferences, programs and events you can go to, that promise to help you discover these things.

But do you need to spend thousands of dollars to do so? I’m sure the zen monks of 300 years ago didn’t. Not saying those things are a waste of time or money. I’ve done some myself. But what can we simplify it down to?

Meaning and purpose comes down to this — what lights you up from the inside? What do you love to do, where time seems to pass so quickly that 3 hours feels like 3 minutes?

What gives you a reason to get up in the morning? And by that, I don’t mean, because you have to go to a job you hate and pay the bloody bills, though that may feel like your reality at the moment. What really makes you want to have another day so you can keep doing what you love?

Show me a man who has ‘something to live for’ and I’ll show you a man who is alive with meaning and purpose.

The inner man

To have a life worth living, you must first and always cultivate your inner man. So who is he?

Your inner man is the you that only you know. Others may feel him, see him, hear him or experience him, but only you truly know him. He is the voice inside of you. He is you. Sound like hippy bs?

Your inner man is the essence of who you are, and the reason you do what you do, good, bad or ugly. He is your operating system. He is made up of a combination of your innate humanness, your beliefs, your values, your spirit, the very core of who you are.

Your inner man is the man who stands up for what he believes in. He is the strength to your inner boy, when that boy wants to kick, scream, sulk, punch a wall, run or hide.

When you get your inner man on, you allow him to stand and be present. The boy inside of you no longer needs the attention, and no longer has anything to prove.

Imagine if you showed up as that man in your personal relationships, in your work, in your day to day living – no longer scared to move, no longer seeking attention, with nothing to prove. In other words, a calm, confident man.

That’s your inner man. You’ll find him when you’re still. You’ll find him when you meditate. You’ll find him in nature. You’ll find him when you seek him.

A love to die for

From Shakespeare to The Bachelor (love it or hate it), the notion of unrequited love has always been a powerful force throughout history.

From lovers to kings, movies, songs, books and poetry, humans seem to forever be in the pursuit of ‘love and romance’ – to ‘love’ and ’be loved’.

But let me take this on a slightly different tangent for today. A love to die for typically conjures up the stuff between lovers. But what if we viewed it through a different lens.

Lets not dumb this down to Hollywood style illusions about love, sex and romance. It’s not about ‘You Got Mail’ or ‘Sleepless in Seattle’.

Let’s put a real spin on this, and look at it through the portal of something deeper – personal sacrifice, dying to the self, renunciation of the ego, and detachment from ‘wanting’. Woah, that’s getting heavy right?

Buddha says that “attachment’ is the root of all suffering”. I tend to agree. Let’s think about this for a minute.

If you are so attached to something that you can’t let it go, or are so worried about losing it, what is that going to do to you? It might be a person or a thing or a job or an opportunity or anything really.

To detach doesn’t mean that you become numb and stop caring or trying. It just means that your self worth is not wrapped up in that thing.

In some circles it’s called dying to the self (the ego). All that simply means is, not being ‘attached’ to other people, or trivial pursuits like riches, sex, material possessions, power, lust and greed. You get where I’m going?

But if you’re busting your gut to get and have these things, can’t live without them, can’t stop thinking about them, then they have a grip on you that’s not healthy.

A wise man knows what he lives for and he knows what he needs to die for.

So when I say “a love to die for” — what I mean is, a love that you will not let yourself become so attached to, and dependent upon, that you lose yourself in the process. But when you let go, then you have everything.

Whether that means you literally lay down your life for someone else, or whether that means that you lay down what you think you want – to focus on the first thing in this blog – the inner man – doesn’t really matter.

The most important thing is, removing the obstacles within you, that then create the space and the capacity to be the best version of you, you can be.

So go ahead. Get your inner man on, put your ego aside, and live your best life.


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Philadelphia, PA, USA

Author: phicklephilly

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