5 Things Men Must Give Up To Be With The Right Woman

Be the man you know she deserves.

As we get older, we find more things changing around us without any real warning. Our priorities shift, our goals shift, our desires for what to do on the weekends shift.

Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about the bar on a Friday night and just want a movie on the couch. Suddenly, you don’t about that one night stand and you just want someone to build a life with. Suddenly, you realize your priorities are changing — and you have to change, too.

Change is hard because it requires losing people and things from our lives, oftentimes people or things that have been a big part of our existence for a long time. But the funny thing is you eventually realize you’re not really losing or giving up anything at all; you’re simply shedding the skin of your life which no longer serves you.

Here are five things you need to “give up” in an effort to learn how to find love. Because to find the woman you’ll eventually realize you wanted all along, there’s self-improvement ahead.

1. His bad habits

Maybe you’re terrible at saving money. Maybe you’re a poor communicator. Maybe you don’t eat as healthy or workout as often as you should.

The point is, to be with the right woman you’ve got to work to become the right man. It’s true that the right woman will love you for who you are, but it’s also true that she’ll hold standards for herself and the man she allows into her life.

2. His need to be right

No relationship is sunshine and rainbows all the time, despite the vision you may get from some of my other articles. There will be disagreements, there will be arguments, and there will be, above all, compromise.

When these situations arise, flexibility is key. You cannot always have things your way and expect a relationship to operate smoothly. It requires give and take from both people.

If either teammate feels the need to constantly be right, they’ll be closed off to hearing and adjusting to their partner’s opinions, and the relationship will implode.

3. His ego

When we’re in our early 20s, we’re invincible. We don’t need anyone. We’re the crème de la crème. But with maturity comes the realization that nobody’s perfect and we have a lot to learn.

Subsequently, we understand that many of these learning experiences come from the woman we will fall in love with, as she brings a fresh perspective to our lives. But in order to open ourselves up to these experiences, we must leave our ego where it belongs: in the past.

4. His immaturity

Maybe your avoidance of commitment or aversion to romance served you well when your weekends were full of bars and clubs, but when you’re building a foundation for a future with a mature, established woman, you must adjust your approach.

Successful couples learn and grow together. They mature as individuals and as a team. To be part of this team, you need to understand that growing up, women didn’t dream of men who gave them a mediocre effort. Give her your passion, love, honesty, and energy.

5. His short-term thinking

When we’re younger, it’s natural to think a little less about the future and a little more about the present. The right woman will understand that it’s difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plan for themselves. She’ll only want to commit to someone who will pledge to not only support her while she pursues her goals, but who pursues his own as well.

It won’t fly to just “see where things go.” She’ll want a man who she can count on as her teammate in life and in love.

The best part about giving up these things is that you aren’t really losing anything at all. In fact, you’re gaining: wisdom, maturity, and the potential for a more fulfilling happiness than you’d find if you held onto these limiting habits.

What are you really giving up? You’re giving up the boy you were to become the man you were always meant to be.

 

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What To Wear On A First Date, According To Science

Science has tackled everything from whether our dogs love us (they do!) to whether pigeons can distinguish between paintings by Monet and Picasso (they, um, can?). So you might assume there’d be plenty of research into what humans should wear on dates, a topic that intimately concerns 23.8 million U.S. adults (the number of people who used dating apps last year).

You may be surprised to learn that this field of study isn’t exactly robust. “A lot of people have abandoned this topic … because it’s so hard to do realistically,” Jaehee Jung, professor of fashion and apparel studies at the University of Delaware, told HuffPost. To conduct a reliable experiment, you’d need to recruit people with the same level of attractiveness (which is pretty subjective, if not impossible) to act as a consistent control against which the effects of different clothes can play out. “Otherwise, you’re really influencing the outcome based on the combination of physical characteristics and clothes,” Jung explained.

That being said, science has provided us with a few tidbits of solid evidence to help you put your best sartorial foot forward.

The stereotype is true: Men are suckers for red.

Men’s attraction to red is a well-worn dating trope. In a 2008 study by researchers Andrew Elliot and Daniela Niesta, men rated the physical appeal of women shown with the color red contrasted against other colors. In every context, men found the ladies in red more attractive and sexually desirable. This trend holds true around the world, and even nonhuman male primates are irresistibly drawn to females who “redden” during ovulation.

“ … Our findings confirm what many women have long suspected and claimed — that men act like animals in the sexual realm,” Eliot and Niesta announced upon the study’s release. Damn.

But black is popular for the opposite reason.

If red’s not your color, or if it feels a bit too sexy, we’ve got good news: Black is also a popular choice for dating. And you can thank reality TV for this revelation.

In 2018, the University of Lincoln’s Robin Kramer and Trent University’s Jerrica Mulgrew assigned a team to watch the U.K. show “First Dates,” in which real couples are filmed while — you guessed it — on dates. The researchers watched footage of over 500 daters, both men and women, observing the colors they wore on the dates and in pre-date interviews filmed the day before.

The result? Potential partners wore more red on dates (particularly when they anticipated their partner to be attractive) than they did during the pre-date interviews, where they wore a lot of black, which is associated as a “safer” color. This isn’t surprising, Kramer told HuffPost: “It may well be because red has certain associations (sexual intent or availability, for instance) and so people would rather try to look attractive while perhaps avoiding those associations.”

Dress the way you want to feel.

In other words, practice “enclothed cognition” — a term coined by Northwestern researchers Hajo Adam and Adam Galinsky to describe the phenomenon they observed in their 2012 study: that clothing actually changes the brain. The team divided subjects into two groups: One wore white lab coats, and the other wore clothing unassociated with a particular profession. In the end, the coat-wearing crew performed better on tasks that measured their attention.

So it’s not a stretch to imagine that potential partners’ fashion choices could unconsciously influence their mindsets — and, in turn, their behavior. High heels, for example, are culturally associated with femininity and sex appeal. So wearing them might cause you to exhibit more flirtatious or sexual behavior. Similarly, subtle differences in men’s clothing — a bespoke suit versus off-the-rack, for example — can affect people’s perceptions of their confidence and success.

A moderate amount of makeup gets the best response.

As part of 2011 study jointly conducted by several universities, the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and a Procter & Gamble scientist, participants viewed photos of women displaying four different looks: barefaced, natural (very light makeup), professional (moderate makeup) and glamorous (heavy).

In the end, all the makeup looks that weren’t barefaced, regardless of intensity, increased viewer’s perceptions of the wearer’s competence and attractiveness. Interestingly, likability and trust ratings varied according to the amount of makeup they wore. Harvard’s Nancy Etcoff, one of the study’s lead authors, suggested to The New York Times that a moderate amount of makeup is your safest bet: “If you wear a glam look, you should know you look very attractive,” she said. But in the long run, “there may be a lowering of trust, so if you are in a situation where you need to be a trusted source, perhaps you should choose a different look.”

Writer Brinton Parker conducted a totally unscientific but equally compelling experiment on Tinder in 2014. She posted three different profiles on the app, all identical except for the photos, which showed her wearing drastically different amounts of makeup. Parker concluded in Bustle, ”More men flocked to a bare-faced girl than a heavily made-up one, yet they seemed most aggressively interested in a face adorned in average levels of makeup.”

Finally: Be you.

Jung said when we choose clothes on a daily basis, we always consider the audience, “whether that could be one person or a number of others, because … this is part of our daily appearance-management behavior. Clothes themselves don’t have a particular meaning until they’re worn by somebody.”

So perhaps the final message is: When you’re looking for love, dress to reflect your personality, and you’re bound to feel comfortable and confident.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly