If You Get Bored Easily In Relationships, Experts Say These 7 Reasons May Be Why

Feeling bored at some point in your relationship is normal. Once the honeymoon period ends, you’ll enter into the comfortable stage. While it may not be as exciting and new as it once was, you and your partner have the opportunity to deepen your bond and solidify your commitment to each other. But boredom in a relationship can be a problem if it happens to you all the time. According to experts, if you constantly find yourself getting bored easily in relationships, there may be something deeper going on.

“Getting bored in one relationship might be a sign that your partner isn’t a good match for you,” Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, certified Gottman couples therapist and clinical director of A Better Life Therapy, tells Bustle. “However, having a pattern of getting bored in relationships over and over again may be a sign that you have an insecure attachment style.”

Your attachment style is developed in childhood and is based on how your parents or primary caregiver interacted with you. If your parents were emotionally unavailable or were inconsistent with their affection, you may have developed an insecure attachment style. According to Earnshaw, you’ll likely feel avoidant and withdrawn when you sense strong feelings of intimacy.

“While pop culture likes to call these people commitment-phobes, in reality most people that struggle to commit and feel bored in relationships are actually just struggling with feeling safe and secure in a relationship,” she says. “They often find that once they begin to feel intimately close to someone, they start to be hyper aware of flaws like boredom.”

Here are some other reasons behind why you easily get bored in relationships, according to experts.

1. You’re Used To More Dramatic Relationships

Young lesbian woman gets mad and jealous of her girlfriend, partner using a smartphone and not paying attention to her. The woman is in a bad mood because friend spends too much time in social media

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“People with a more anxious or activated attachment style might be uncomfortable in ‘safe’ relationships that provide security because they’re used to chaos,” Earnshaw says. Instead of looking at a peaceful relationship as something that’s good and healthy, you’re more likely to think of it as a relationship that’s become stale or boring. According to Earnshaw, this can lead you to feeling trapped and you may even convince yourself that this is something you need to escape. “If this is a disruptive pattern in your life, learning to identify your attachment style and working towards getting comfortable with what it means to be securely attached in relationships is the way forward,” she says.

2. You’re Not Allowing Yourself To Be Vulnerable Enough

Relationships are meant to grow over time. As Dave Wolovsky, relationship expert and positive psychology coach, tells Bustle, “They grow when both partners become more vulnerable with each other.” When you’re able to be open and vulnerable, you’ll gain a greater sense of intimacy and connection with your partner. Your relationship will evolve as your bond depeens over time. But when you’re closing yourself off to that kind of connection, Wolovsky says you’re not only limiting yourself, but the growth of your relationship as well. “This eventually causes a stagnation of their own personal growth and that of the relationship, which makes it boring,” he says. Opening up takes time. But if you trust that your partner won’t hurt or judge you, revealing more of your inner thoughts and feelings here and there can be helpful. It’s OK to start slow.

3. Your Communication Skills May Need Some Work

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Good communication is an essential part of any relationship. Learning good communication skills takes time. As Bobbi Palmer, relationship coach and founder of Date Like a Grownup, tells Bustle, “A person who is trying to make a relationship work for the long-term will be open to and encourage discussion that helps them learn about their partner’s background, wants and needs, and dreams for the future. The ability to share these types of things is what helps a healthy relationship grow.” A part of being good at communication is being a good listener. If you don’t practice active listening in order to really understand your partner, it’s hard to move your relationship past the superficial. When you aren’t connecting with your partner in a deeper way, it can make them and your relationship seem boring.

4. You Have Unrealistic Expectations For What A Relationship Should Be

For the most part, relationships are great at the beginning. But maintaining a good relationship long-term takes work. If you’re looking for that perfect partner to sweep you off your feet and make all your romance dreams come true, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. “This isn’t real life,” Palmer says. “They’re bound to get bored quite quickly and move on.” When you’re seeking that perfect relationship, you’re likely to develop a pattern of jumping into a relationship and losing interest once it’s not exactly how you wanted. “The reality is that a healthy, grown up, mutually satisfying relationship requires equal give and take,” Palmer says. “Both partners show up with realistic expectations of one another, and of themselves.”

5. You’re Not That Into Your Partner

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If you find that you get bored in relationships quickly, you may want to look at the types of people you’re choosing to date. “Bored is relative to interest,” Paul Bashea Williams, LCSW-C LICSW, relationship specialist and owner of Hearts In Mind Counseling, tells Bustle. “If you really want to keep the relationship going, you’ll explore new things with the same person as opposed to exploring new things with a new person.” You want to explore why you’re getting bored in relationships. One way to figure this out is to write down what you liked about your previous relationships and what you didn’t like. Take time to really dive into each of your past partners and your feelings about them. If you notice that they have similar traits, you may want to consider dating outside of your usual type.

6. You Think You Know Everything There Is To Know About Your Partner

“It’s too easy to imagine after a while that your partner has no more surprises to offer,” Tom Ella, dating expert and one of the hosts of The Undesirables dating podcast, tells Bustle. “You’ve heard all their stories before, you know all their favorite moves, and ultimately there’s just nothing to look forward to anymore. But that’s simply untrue.” People change all the time, and it doesn’t have to be anything drastic either. For instance, they can have new interests or opinions about what’s going on in the news. There’s always something new to discover about your partner no matter how long you’ve been together. “You need to reshape how you view partner,” Ella says. “You need to see them as a person again, not ‘just’ your partner you’ve seen a thousand times.” If you’re not open to learning more about people, you’re going to be bored every time you get into a relationship.

7. You’re Not Ready To Be In Anything Too Serious

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If you really aren’t ready to make a commitment to someone, you may start to check out once things start getting serious. “The slightest conflict, being asked to do something that isn’t what they want to do, or just talk of a long-term commitment can send them fleeing,” Palmer says. When you’re serious about wanting to be in a relationship, you won’t get scared about the work that you’ll have to put in. You’ll likely put in the effort to get creative to find ways to keep yourself from feeling bored.

Again, boredom in a relationship is normal. But it shouldn’t be something that happens all the time and in evey relationship you’re in. If it is, the first step is to figure out why this happens. Is is attachment issues or the partners you’re choosing? Once you figure out your reason, you can make adjustments. Don’t let boredom prevent you from having a healthy and happy relationship.

 

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7 Painful Reasons Why Nice Guys Often Finish Last

The classic “Nice guys finish last” cliché has been proven false many times.

There are many men who are genuinely “nice guys” and are either in loving and committed relationships or have no issues in finding success with women. Ask nearly any lady, and she’ll tell you that gentlemanly qualities definitely help men get plenty of good points. However, the nice guys’ cliché of losing out on women is actually often true.

This doesn’t happen because women rather be with a “bad boy” or because gentlemen are out of fashion, but rather because there are nice guys who have the following 7 painful characteristics:

 

1. They’re not willing to make the first move

 

Now, we all know that modern society tells us that guys don’t really have to make the first move anymore. Many women out there are even getting frustrated of waiting around for guys to approach them, and they’d rather just approach a guy first and get it over with. But it’s alright to admit that most women enjoy it when a guy starts the ball rolling and makes the first move. After all, it’s a ton of pressure off a woman’s back! So whenever a man says, “Hey, can I take you out for dinner?” it can be a big relief. Nice guys, however really do hate making the first move. In their ideal world, they’d rather hang around and wait for you to confess your feelings for them.

2. They’re inexperienced

This is a correlation rather than a causation.

Guys who have not been in a long term relationship and gone through the heartaches that come with it tend to overcommit. They take it too far and do too much. This can be a real turnoff for women. A lack of experience is obvious and it usually implies a number of unattractive qualities: dryness, nervousness, and a weak sense of humor are some common examples.

Ladies want a man who is confident and interesting. Not someone who is staring at them unendingly.

3. They’re weak

There’s nothing worse than a weak man. After millions of years of evolution, a man’s purpose is to be the brave protector. Not the wimp who has turned into a vegan. It is what it is. Men are supposed to be hunters who provide for their family. So, naturally, women will be turned off by weak guys. They cannot help it, it’s millions of years of evolution.

There should be no messing around with these things. Men need to stay away from being weak nice guys and work on building confidence and inner strength. To that, women will respond differently.

4. They lack the qualities of a leader

The inability to lead means that a guy will always be at the back seat of life. He may want to be a leader, but never make the proper effort to take the initiative head-on. And he will never ask a girl out until it is too late and will then whine about how unfair life has been to him.

5. They’re too clingy

Women need their personal space. The nice guy’s idea of a relationship involves being at the hip to the girl he is in love with. In their youth, couples often think that giving each other space means that they are growing apart. However, once we get older, a realization kicks in that we absolutely need our own space sometimes. Failing to provide a person with that space means that sooner or later you’ll drive each other crazy. The weak nice guy, however, does not see it that way. At first, his obsession with spending time with his girl may come off as sweet, but in time, she’ll just start to feel as if she’s being suffocated and eventually will run for the hills. Hence, clinginess is a big red flag!

6. They’re easily intimidated

Weak nice guys get easily intimidated by stronger personalities. If an alpha male takes a liking to his girl and tries to flirt with her, the nice guy would not be able to gather the internal strength needed for taking a stand against it. Rather, he will cower away and mutter to himself in the corner of the room.

7. They’re immature

A mature guy who is truly ready dive into a serious relationship will be aware of his own flaws and actively work towards making himself a better man. And he’ll naturally seek a female who shares a similar mindset. However, these “nice guys” have not yet come to this point in their lives yet, and only God knows if they ever will. Some of them will definitely grow up and transform, but if you ask any grown woman, she will likely tell you that she still comes across guys like this from time to time. They just never seem to learn. They suffer from a bad case of the Peter Pan syndrome. They are unaware of how to treat a lady with the necessary respect because they are not even working towards improving their own lives. They haven’t set their priorities straight.

Did you find this article helpful? What are your thoughts on “nice guys” in general? Let us know by dropping us a comment and please share if you enjoyed the read. 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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