A Sex Therapist Explains If It’s Normal To Sometimes Dread Initiating Sex

There may be weeks or months where you catch yourself wondering: Is it normal to never want to initiate sex? Sometimes, you have moments where you love your partner dearly (and might be able to show some PDA with ease), but you’re consistently not in the mood to follow through on sexy times. Of course, every person is different, and if you’ve never been the one in your relationship who’s always initiating sex, that might just be a personal preference. Still, it could be frustrating for you or your partner.

If you’re not feeling frisky a whole bunch these days, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone’s sex drive fluctuates over time. And just note: If you’re not 100 percent into having sex, you shouldn’t — if you can’t give enthusiastic consent, that’s a signal that you need to say no to sex.

Susan Segal, a sex therapist who’s seen individuals and couples for about 35 years, says there could be a number of reasons why you’re just not feeling it when it comes to initiating in the bedroom. Anything from your romantic and sexual histories to your body chemistry can be the reason you’ve been slow to get the ball rolling on sex. If you do find yourself being hesitant in the bedroom, there are a number of solutions you can look into that might be just the trick you need.

Your Relationship With Your Past

Alexey Kuzma / Stocksy

For one, Segal says, it could be your sexual history. Painful sex or traumatic events could be holding you at bay. In this case, speaking with a therapist to unpack unpleasant sexual experiences can go a long way.

A fear of being rejected might also hold you back from putting the moves on your partner. Have you ever been in a relationship where attempts to initiate sex were often shut down? If so, you still might be carrying those memories and concerns with you into this new partnership. Here, Segal recommends sitting your partner down and being explicit about what’s up.

When addressing situations like this, Segal has a saying: “Sex goes on between your ears.” That’s to say, you should take the mental and emotional — not just the physical — elements of sex into consideration. Talk to your partner about what’s going on inside that’s causing a roadblock.

Your Relationship With Your Partner, Romantically

Michela Ravasio / Stocksy

Another reason you might not want to initiate sex is because of unresolved beef. One roadblock can be a lack of intimacy or a lack of trust you have with your partner. Not wanting to take the reins on sex can also be a sign of unexpressed resentmentAnger doesn’t always have outward signs. Sometimes, it looks like withdrawing.

“People, when they’re not expressing their anger, tend to be withholding,” Segal says. “They don’t want to give the other person what they want. They don’t want to be close with that other person.”

So ask yourself: Has bae done anything that just pisses you off lately? If the answer is yes, it’s time to put on your grown-up undies and confront the situation head-on. Again, Segal recommends being upfront with your partner. Be honest. Say that you’re feeling resentful and withdrawn, and give them the reason why. That way, there’s a clear direction for the conversation, and you and bae can get to the bottom of the issue.

Your Relationship With Your Partner, Sexually

Bonnin Studio / Stocksy

Sometimes, reluctance to initiate sex with your partner simply comes down to knowing that it’s going to be boring — as harsh as that may sound.

“If someone’s going to do it — have sex the same way, all the time, which a lot of couples get into doing, like a habit — we get bored!” Segal says. “And even if each person is having an orgasm, it can still be boring.”

Chances are: If you’re more excited about Brooklyn Nine-Nine coming back than sex with your partner… you’re probably not going to bother. But there are loads of ways to spice up your sex life.

For starters, one pro-tip Segal suggests is sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner. Often, it’s something they can get in on or at least, get off to. But you’ll never know if you don’t take a leap a faith and talk to them about it.

“I suggest watching porn. I suggest making the fantasy — talking about them and acting some of them out. I suggest taking on different identities. I suggest carving out time for sex,” Segal lists. “A lot of couples get in the habit of just not making the time.”

Segal says some clients do turn their nose up at the idea of “scheduling sex.” Because, of course, adding “have sex” to your iCal might not be the sexiest move you’ve done. But at the end of the day, as Segal points out: If you’re not having sex with your partner (when you want to be) and this is what works, then that’s all that matters. Even if couples have to take a raincheck sometimes, Segal says, it’s a solid first step to finding their rhythm again.

Your Relationship With Your Body

Jovo Jovanovic / Stocksy

Sometimes, the dread comes from lack of body confidence or body dysmorphia.

“If someone doesn’t like their body, they’re not gonna want to be seen naked. They’re not gonna really feel good about themselves,” Segal says. “It can affect someone’s sexuality, even if they wanna have sex.”

In this case, Segal tells her clients to “get in touch with their body.” Sometimes, that looks like exercising. Sometimes, that looks like unfollowing social media accounts that affect your self-esteem, or making a vow to yourself to not drag your body or anyone else’s.

Another physiological reason could be low libido or low sex drive from hormonal imbalances. A specific diagnosis often will be hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Whether you’re assigned male or female at birth, your levels of testosterone or prolactin might be the reason you’re not in the mood in anymore.

Thyroid problems might be the root of these imbalances. The effects of hormonal birth control could also be to blame. If your reluctance toward initiating sex keeps up, Segal suggests talking to your doctor or getting blood work done.

Likewise, antidepressants can affect your sex drive, psychiatrist Grant Brenner told Elite Daily. If this might be the case, waiting it out sometimes works.

“Sometimes, when psychological and relationship issues improve for a couple, sexual satisfaction will improve as overall relationship quality improves,” Brenner said. “This is important because it highlights that even with some degree of antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction, couples may still enjoy healthy, active sex lives.”

If waiting doesn’t work out for you, Brenner recommended talking to your doctor, seeing a sex therapist, or, ultimately, switching medications to help address the issue.

Whichever combination of solutions you look into, it’s important that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Don’t stress yourself out about how fast you can jumpstart your sex drive, how quickly fill up the intimacy gap, or how you’re going to perform in the bedroom. What’s most important is that you feel comfortable, safe, and satisfied with your partner and your sex life.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

SUN STORIES – Tales From a Tanning Salon, Now Available on Amazon

Yes. It’s now available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

I was working at a local media company here in Philadelphia. One of my advertising clients was a tanning salon. I became friendly with the owner. He was always complaining about his staff. I asked if I could start moonlighting there for some extra income.

He immediately hired me. One shift became two, then three, and within a month or so, I became full time. I was tired of working at the media company where I was currently employed. A publication that was no longer relevant in this city. Print was basically dead… but tanning salons were hanging by a thread.

But I enjoyed working there. It was a fun job. I met a lot of great people during my time there. But with every job, there’s always challenges… and temptations.

Sun Stories: Tales from a Tanning Salon, takes you on a sunny, and sometimes dark journey of my time working there. It’s filled with funny, unique, and sometimes cringe worthy tanning stories. But there were other forces at work there. What began as an easy part time gig, slowly evolved into a story filled with love, obsession, sex, and misadventure.

When I was editing Phicklephilly 2, I had a revelation. I realized that Phicklephilly 2 was all about the relationship I was in with my girlfriend, Cherie. The love affair, the passion, and the infidelity of that glorious celebration of two people coming together.

But, I looked at Sun Stories, and saw that it ran parallel to Phicklephilly 2. It was a complete documentation of my work life during that period. Phicklephilly 2 was about my relationship with Cherie, and Sun Stories was my work life.

They’re both happening at the same time. I have to release them together.

That’s my whole life between 2016 and 2018. It’s everything. I have to release them both.

Cherie. I loved her. But after Michelle and Annabelle, I was now armed with how to navigate my future relationships. Secure myself and see what happened. I’d never enter into another relationship without my armor on.

I was working at the media company that was the last cool paper in the city. When I think about going to that publication, I think of Ronnie James Dio. He once said that when he joined Black Sabbath to replace Ozzy Osbourne, he called it, the second coming… or going, of Black Sabbath.

That’s how it felt when I joined this dying publication. I loved all of the people I worked with there, but knew the paper was doomed. It’s greatest days had come and gone. I only did it because I was about to be fired from the start up where I was working. I had such high hopes for what I was going to build with that little start up. The money was great, and I’m forever grateful for that. But they never followed through with the investors to build it out into a national site.

That site is dead now.

It was heartbreaking for me to leave them, but I’m sure the owner was relieved he no longer had to pay me. Why did he never follow through? It makes no sense. I guess I’ll never know. We could have built something wonderful. I jumped to a local free publication and made a go of it. That old publication was in a state of flux, and the changes that unfolded for that sweet paper destroyed the very thing it once was. I worked hard at what I’m good at. Acquiring accounts and building the business.

But the writing was on the wall. They had brought in a fool to run the daily operations. He systematically destroyed the advertising department at the paper. Can you imagine that? The guy gets a job to grow a struggling business and all he knows how to do is ruin it.

He did that. All of the meetings. The Monday morning kickoff meeting. The Wednesday Sales Meeting. The Thursday One on One. He should be horse whipped. He broke the spirit of everybody who worked there.

There are no clients in any of your foolish meetings you silly asshole.

How could he be such a failure as a leader when he seem like such a nice guy?

Detritus.

My father passed away, and I was fed up. I was the only sales guy on the floor. Rocco was a fixture and an account rep. He can’t sell. The new manager brought in a couple of retards, and I could see there was no future there. The place was a rotten husk.

It kind of sucks, because back in the day, I LOVED that publication and the CITY PAPER. They were god to me. If you wanted to see what was up in Philly, they were the papers you grabbed. They were in honor boxes around the city. I would always read them every week. Everything I needed to know was in those sweet papers.

But, here I was working at this anachronism. It was over. My daughter will never touch a newspaper. It’s over. It’s been over since 2008. Print is dead.

Oh, but here we go…

Tanning is dead too.

I had a client who actually spent money with me to advertise his brand. I did my best for him. I believed in his products and services. I gave my all. I came up with creative ideas because I cared. I wrote killer copy for his ads. I did what I’m good at.

I liked it so much, I went to work there to escape the dungeon of selling print advertising in a paper whose epitaph had already been written.

But I had no idea it would open a flower I had never seen before.

This is the most lurid book I’ve ever written.

So let’s begin.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new books, Phicklephilly 2 and Sun Stories, are now for sale on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

7 Signs You Never Built A Solid Foundation For Your Relationship & How To Fix It

There are a lot of different factors that go into whether or not your relationship lasts. For instance, compatible values or right timing can mean a lot. But according to experts, one of the best ways to ensure that you and your partner will make it, is to build a solid foundation for your relationship. But what does that even mean?

As Vikki Louise, certified life and relationship coach, tells us, “A solid foundation in a relationship is one of honesty, communication and trust, which all come together.”

When you build a solid foundation in your relationship, Louise says a number of things will happen. You will talk to each other with respect and kindness, you will be patient with each other, you can trust your partner, and most importantly, any secrets you may have will be out in the open. Again, it’s all about honesty, trust, and communication. If those three major elements aren’t present in your relationship, you may not have built a solid foundation from the very beginning.

The good news is, you can turn it around right now. According to Louise, “All you have to do is stop the bad habits and start the good ones.” So here are some signs that you might not have built a solid foundation in your relationship and what you can do to fix it.

1. You Like To Vent About Your Partner To Other People

Andrew Zaeh 

“A solid foundation is when two people feel like they get to be each other’s first-point-of-contact,” Yue Xu, host and creator of the Dateable Podcast, tells us. For instance, when you’re having a rough day, your partner is the very first person you want to talk to. But if you’re complaining about your partner to all of your friends and your partner is the last person to hear about your complaints, that’s not a great sign. If you want to turn things around, establish your partner as your go-to person. “Address your issues with your partner before you blab to other people,” she says. “Nobody else will know your relationship as well as you and your partner. So give [them] the opportunity to address your issues before anybody else.”

2. Your Love Comes With Conditions

Andrew Zaeh 

Loving someone unconditionally means that your feelings for your partner will never change no matter what life throws at you. It’s a type of love that doesn’t happen overnight but develops over time. As Louise says, in order to establish unconditional and build a more solid foundation for your relationship, be sure to love your partner for who they really are. “The truth is, we are all human and we are all imperfect,” she says. “Love them no matter what.”

3. You’re Not Completely Comfortable Expressing Yourself

Andrew Zaeh 

Honesty and communication are two key elements for having a truly stable relationship. But it’s impossible to say that you have a solid foundation if you aren’t comfortable being yourself and expressing your true feelings. According to Louise, being your authentic self will help you build a strong foundation. But this can only happen if you’re willing to open up and be vulnerable. As scary as it can be for some, Louise says it’s important to give your partner the opportunity to love you unconditionally as well.

4. Your Fights Center Around The Same One Or Two Issues

Ashley Batz

Rehashing the same issues over and over again will only build walls in your relationship. So leave the past where it belongs — the past. “Maybe your relationship didn’t start off exactly as you wanted and maybe there were things to improve,” Louise says. “That’s OK. Focus less about what you both did in the past and give your energy to the partner you want to become in the future.” It’s important if you truly want to move towards a more stable future.

5. You Don’t Feel Like Your Partner Truly Gets You

Ashley Batz

When you haven’t built a solid foundation in your relationship, you may feel like you can’t express yourself without being judged or belittled. You may also feel like your partner doesn’t actually listen to you when you’re trying to express your feelings. In order to have a solid foundation, relationship expert and writer Jaala Thomas, tells us, “Both parties must begin with mutual respect for each other or a healthy relationship cannot exist.” If your partner isn’t showing you respect, which is pretty basic for any healthy relationship, you may need to reconsider whether this is right person for you.

6. The Person You’ve Gotten To Know Isn’t The Same Person You Initially Fell For

Ashley Batz

Chemistry and physical attraction will only get you so far. “Oftentimes a couple enters into a relationship without asking enough questions,” John Wilder, relationship coach and author of Sex Education for Adults, tells us. When this happens, you may find yourself celebrating your one-year anniversary with a person who doesn’t ever see themselves getting married or having kids in the future when that’s always been your ultimate dream. If you haven’t discovered your partner’s values early on, it’s important to do so as soon as possible. “The best way to deal with these problems is to ask all of those questions before you go any further and get satisfactory answers or you may need to consider ditching the relationship,” he says.

7. You Have Trouble Compromising

Ashley Batz

If the relationship feels completely one-sided, or you and your partner think of “me” before “we,” you may not have built a solid foundation for your relationship. Compromise is key and having the ability to compromise in a way that satisfies the both of you takes time and development. “Forget what you were told in movies,” Louise says. “Great relationships don’t happen by chance. They take work.” It’s pretty necessary if you want a long-term future with your partner.

Although both you and your partner should put in the work to make things change, Louise says it takes just one of you to initiate that change. “Often in relationships, we become mirrors of each other and our behavior is the biggest signal of how we expect to be treated,” she says. “For instance, if I expect you to hang out with my friends, I will spend time with yours. If I don’t want you to spend time with my friends, then I won’t push to spend time with yours.”

In other words, lead by example. If you show your partner that you want a more solid foundation that’s filled with trust, honesty, and communication, they will follow suit. With a little bit of time and work, you can have the solid relationship that you want.

Tales of Rock – 5 Things I’d Rather Get Hit With Than Have To Hear Led Zeppelin’s “ALL MY LOVE”

1. An Acme anvil

A classic. And I’d happily take it straight to the skull if it means I don’t have to hear a second of that wretched Led Zeppelin song. And listen up snooty rock critics, I know that song is about like, Robert Plant’s son or whatever, and I know that shit is sad but you know what else is sad? A weak-ass synth solo that saws your brain in half because it’s not up to snuff. Here are some suggestions to remedy this: if possible, let’s go in and re-record this song with orchestral synth mastermind Hans Zimmer. He’ll add in some slick, brooding arpeggiator shit, some tasteful bleeps, some well-placed bloops, and viola: “All My Love” is now actually listenable. Or, even better, let’s hire some morally corrupt gravediggers and resurrect the corpse of Robert Moog and then have his corpse lay down some sick zombie-synth licks from the great beyond. He’s been dead for what, 14 years? So you definitely know he’s got some never-before-heard synth licks swirling around that dead head of his. Yup, “All My Love” just got 1,000x better, 2,000x spookier, and will now probably win tons of awards because no one’s ever resurrected a corpse and made it re-record synth parts to punch up an old song before. Anyway, if those two options aren’t doable, then yeah, let those Acme goons set up shop in an apartment that overlooks my walk to work and drop that Bible-black death hunk straight down onto me when that song begins to play.

2. A wrench thrown by the ghost of John Bonham

Yup, sure, I’d gladly take a wrench to the side of my face if it’ll distort my hearing enough to not make me hear one note of “All My Love.” John Bonham was the coolest member of Led Zeppelin and getting hit in the auricle region with a wrench thrown by his apparition would be a damn honor. And if I know John, he’s gonna throw two wrenches. One at me, and then a heavier, metal-ier wrench at the thing that’s playing “All My Love.” Why? The first wrench is to knock me out and the second is because he actually went on record saying he “had reservations” about this song and no one took him seriously. This guy rode his motorcycle through hotel hallways, chucked TVs out of windows, threw mattresses into swimming pools, and played twenty-minute drum solos without drum sticks (he used his hands). If he had reservations about something, I would have listened. So please John, throw your damndest, most metal-iest wrenches.

3. A flock of pigeons

Ah, alright. How does this one work though? I’m walking down the street and I catch the beginning sound-whiff of “All My Love” playing from a nearby CVS? Then, all of the sudden, a flock of pigeons start gunning for me? And then they peck and flap their wings at my head, and my ears, and my entire body, and I get flustered and fall to the ground and drop my business briefcase and my important business documents fly out? Then when I’m lying on the ground, cowering and kicking in an attempt to retain physical autonomy, these pigeons continue to peck, squawk, coo, and get ahold of my wallet AND my cell phone? Then they inexplicably start making expensive long-distance phone calls and tearing up my money and credit cards and IDs? And while l’m lying there grief-stricken I realize these pigeons are kinda cold and soulless but their commotion has caused me to worry about my important business documents, my dire financial situation, my soon-to-be very high cell phone bill and NOT realize that the Led Zeppelin song “All My Love” that was just playing from the nearby CVS is now all finished? Ugh! Bravo, pigeons. Well played.

4. A box of VHS Tapes (20 or more)

Wait… what? …I get my walking route to work mixed up, start walking down the wrong street, see some shady guys moving boxes from the back of a van onto a loading dock and then all of the sudden some guy’s like “Hey shit for brains, you lost?! Here’s a box of 20 or more VHS tapes straight to your dome! Bam!” Ooof! Makes total sense though. Because then the VHS tape from the 20 tapes gets wrapped around my head and ears and waist and legs and untangling myself becomes a disgusting, video home system nightmare. But I won’t let my roiling anxiety show, I’ll be cool and stoic and stay focused on walking to work while I nonchalantly drag the remains of 20 or more VHS tapes wrapped around my body. I’ll even pick up my pace a little when a sarcastic youth stands on her stoop and shouts “Here comes the VHS 20 Tape Man! He’s a human husk covered in outdated entertainment!.” My life will be trying after this. Still better than hearing “All My Love” though.

5. A lawsuit

Whatever, don’t care, I’ll go to court. Even if this is some kind of mix-up and the new server guy accidentally handed out the wrong subpoena/summons papers that he was supposed to hand to someone else. Just get me away from that rotten song. I’ll meet with the jurors, I’ll say what’s up to the honorable judge, I’ll laugh out loud when the court officials play the jurors that mandatory video that explains how it’s their responsibility as a US citizen to partake in jury duty. I might even sneak into that small jury room and make some cracks like “Who’s bored?” or “Thanks, Obama” or “This room smells like life, liberty, and the pursuit of farts.” And then, when I’m on the stand doing more lawsuit stuff, I won’t pay attention to the yapping lawyers; I’ll just randomly call out different names in an attempt to guess who the jurors are going to elect as their jury foreman. Whatever, I’ll welcome this confusing rat’s nest of a lawsuit as long as it doesn’t involve a shitty trumpet-synth and the chord progression Am to G to Dm and then a chorus with a C to G/B to Am to F chord progression and THEN a bridge/solo with a Bb to F to Bb to F to Bb to F to C chord progression and then an outro with oh shit, why am I doing this? Now “All My Love” is just playing inside my head. Someone, anyone, please come knock me out.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

How to Flirt with a Coworker Subtly & Learn How they Feel About You

Having a crush on a colleague is hard. You see them every day! Learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly, if you want to move things along.

Ah, that awkward but common situation—having a crush on someone you work with. We’ve all been there at some stage, but did you ever try to move things along and find out if they felt the same way? If so, did it work? If it didn’t, learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly.

The biggest problem with this situation is that if you flirt up a storm and it doesn’t go your way, you continue to see them on a daily basis. It may make life difficult and embarrassing, and as a result, your work may suffer.

Of course, that’s the negative side. The positive? They might feel the same way and you could find yourselves the new hottest couple on the block!

Know your office HR policies

Learning how to flirt with a coworker is about subtleness. It’s a difficult line to walk in many ways, but with a little practice and dedication, you’ll get there. But first, are you actually allowed to have relationships with coworkers?

Not every workplace allows relationships between coworkers, and it varies from place to place as to whether it’s prohibited or allowed. While most workplaces are a little more lenient these days than they were before, it’s still an unspoken rule in many cases.

It could also be that relationships or unions between different staff grades are frowned upon. You can argue until you’re blue in the face whether it’s right or not, but rules are rules. If your job is important to you *hopefully it will be*, then you need to know where you stand before you even attempt to try and flirt up a storm with the apple of your eye.

Most workplaces have a code of conduct manual or document so simply check things out beforehand, but in the most subtle of ways!

Assuming you’ve done that and you know that coworker dalliances aren’t frowned upon, what else do you need to know? Oh, the fact that you’re potentially playing with fire.

Yes, more negatives, but I want you to be armed and prepared before you go into flirting battle.

What if it goes wrong?

I hate being negative, but think about the possibility that either this person doesn’t like you back in the same way, or things go well and suddenly turns sour. Remember, relationships or not, hook up or not, you see this person on a daily basis at work and that could be excruciating for you in some situations.

Your job is important, and whether or not you see yourself staying with that company for the rest of your working days or not, it’s important to be professional and do your best while there. You’re not going to be able to do that if you cringe every time they walk into the office. This could be even worse if you must work very closely with this person.

Of course, it could be equally as excruciating if your crush turns into a full blown love that you must keep quiet because you’re working with this person, and you’re scared to make a move.

The only thing you can do is go with what feels right and what you know you can live with. I had a crush on one of my work colleagues. I told him after we’d bumped into each other in a bar and had a drunken kiss that literally made my life up until that point.

It didn’t work out for me, and it was so embarrassing for so long, but thankfully I didn’t have to work closely with him. I got over it, and while I no longer work there, that wasn’t the reason I left.

So, make your decision, and move towards the successful, but subtle, flirting plan.

How to flirt with a coworker in a subtle, yet successful way

There are four main areas to this tactic:

#1 Body language.
#2 Selective verbal clues.
#3 Creating an air of mystery and sexual tension.
#4 Taking the flirting out of the workplace.

Body language and selective verbal clues are things you can do every single day. It builds up the mystery and sexual tension, which can be taken out of the workplace. For example, suggesting you meet up for a drink after work to discuss a project. Of course, you’re not going to discuss a project, you’re going to flirt a little harder!

Remember, learning how to flirt with a coworker is all about being subtle. Whether or not relationships and unions are allowed in your workplace or not, don’t go around being blatantly obvious about what you want. You are being paid to be professional at work!

A few useful ways to use body language and selective verbal clues are:

– Make eye contact when you speak

– Gently touch them on the arm when you’re speaking

– Bite your lip when you’re listening to them talk

– Show interest in what they have to say

– Get them a coffee or a drink whenever you get one for yourself

– Ask them how their evening was on a regular basis, i.e. showing interest

– Nudge them gently in a playful manner

– Identify mutual hobbies or things of interest and focus on talking about them

As you can see, these aren’t ‘in your face’ flirting techniques. They do get you closer to your crush and show a connection you don’t have with anyone else. By doing this, you create a little tension. Take the flirting up a notch, with eye contact, gentle touching, and lip biting.

Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that you shouldn’t go around touching people if they don’t seem comfortable with it, or in a way which would be deemed inappropriate. Remember, you’re at work! A gentle, but fleeting, hand on the arm when making a point is as far as you should go.

Time to take the plunge

Once you’re sure that your coworker has grasped the idea that you’re flirting and not just being very friendly, and you see signs of flirting coming back your way, suggest a meeting outside of work. Now, as subtle as the rest of the flirting has been, continue the theme when you ask them out.

Keep work ingrained within it if you can. You can back out if they refuse. This will save your face in a big way!

For instance, suggest you meet for a coffee or a drink in the bar across the road after work to continue brainstorming ideas for the project you’re both working on. Or, mention that you’re going to a new bar and they should pop in and check it out for themselves if they’re in the area. Keep it casual. Don’t let on that it’s actually a date you’re suggesting.

Learning how to flirt with a coworker can be difficult. You might not feel you’re showing your crush that you’re interested. The subtle route lets you veil your attempts, providing you an embarrassment safety net.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new books, Phicklephilly 2 and Sun Stories: Tales from a Tanning Salon are now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!