You try to play it cool on the first few dates because you don’t want to be deemed “needy”, “high maintenance”, “aggressive”, or “desperate”.
You make a point at highlighting your common interests. You both like football, you both like the art fair on Sundays, you are both foodies so you stay on that common ground of topics because they are safe and surface and fun and easy to talk about.
Where is the romance? What happened to the wooing?
Beware: you very well could be on the brink of falling into the friend zone!
Knowing how to get out of the friend zone is all about setting the precedent from the onset.
Here are the 6 mistakes, each of which could land you in the friend zone:
1. You went “Dutch”.
Do you want a friend, a colleague, a business partner or do you want a relationship partner?
He is paying for dinner. Paying = providing (masculine). Cooking/gifting = nurturing (feminine). We will go more into this (plus alternative ways that the woman can “pay”) in a future article.
2. You talk about fun and surface topics.
If you eventually want the clothes to come off, you’ve got to dig beyond the exterior by being real and getting raw. That’s how you stand out and create a heart connection.
3. You forgot to flirt!
4. You act like a buddy.
Hanging out at sports bars, not putting effort into how you look, going dutch; these are all symptoms of friendships. It’s OK to share the same interests.
Women, it’s OK if you are a huge sports fan. But remember that you are looking for a boyfriend, not a buddy. You can still be sexy and cheer on your favorite team.
5. You think you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually being a bitch or a jerk.
I know you want to be witty and always have a comeback, and I agree! That banter can be extremely sexy and can be a great technique when it comes to flirting.
But there is a difference between sarcastic and being bitchy or a jerk, and it’s too often confused. Take the edge off. Imagine that they said to you what you said to them.
How does it sound?
6. You’re easy going…too easy going.
You don’t require dates. You just kind of “hang out”. You’re missing the chase and moving right into what you consider to be “relationship mode”. But you’re wrong. You’ve been friend zoned.
Honestly, a lot of it is about gender roles. Be feminine. Be masculine. Be in your gender power!
The more feminine you are, the more masculine he feels. The more masculine you are, the more feminine she feels.
Stop being androgynous. I know. it’s a modern world. But you have more power in your gender role than you ever allowed yourself to embrace.
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