Here’s another one submitted to me by a female reader. Thought it worth sharing…
Thank you, Sylvia!
Take it from someone who has dated her fair share of the types of men you shouldn’t date. If I can prevent you from going through what I did I will do everything in my power to make that happen.
Ladies, we are smart. We know what we want. But, we are not perfect and we often let men get into our hearts and mess with our minds. It isn’t our fault. I blame it on biology.
For any men reading this, I do NOT mean all men. As the title clearly states, this is about certain types of men you shouldn’t date, not all men. With that being said, any man who ever questions something you say with, “not all men,” is probably a type of man you shouldn’t date.
There are types of men you shouldn’t date?
As open-minded as I like to consider myself to be, yes, there are types of men you shouldn’t date. There are types of men you shouldn’t even get near. And yes, ladies, there are types of women that men shouldn’t date too.
Is this a punishment for people that mistreat us? Not exactly, it is self-preservation. It is a way to protect ourselves from trauma before it happens. I know that we cannot prevent heartbreak. It will happen to the best of us.
But we can prevent unnecessary heartbreak and pain that was avoidable. There are men that should not be allowed to date us. They should be forced to wear a sign that says, “do not date me.” But, since that isn’t a law *yet*, we will have to do the work to weed out the bad ones ourselves.
Types of men you shouldn’t date
I hope I didn’t scare you too much, but just enough to focus on you. Women should not have to put up with men that mistreat us. But, there will always be some of us who get swept up or stuck in manipulation.
This is for those of you on the lookout for types of men you shouldn’t date and those who aren’t sure at all what to look for or where to look. Everything from red flags to subtle behaviors can pinpoint the types of men you shouldn’t date, so bear with me.
#1 The Procrastinator. A guy that puts off everything until the last minute is not just doing so at work. He pays his bills at the last second or even late. He is generally irresponsible. Not to mention, he cannot make you a priority.
This is the type of guy that promises you will do something great for your anniversary but continues putting it off until you are too old to leave your front porch. You do not want to end up with this guy. So, why date him now? You want a man that can keep his promises.
#2 The Charmer. A charming guy is great. He makes you less nervous. He knows the exact right thing to say and exactly when to say it. And that is what makes him so dangerous. I’m going to pull from Disney for this metaphor, but remember Frozen? Well, Hans is this guy.
And Anna’s lack of knowledge about men she shouldn’t date almost led to the downfall of Arendelle. Before getting sucked into the charm of a man like this, remember you don’t want a guy who is perfect. If he is, he is hiding something. You want a guy that is real.
This a real-life Kristoff. He may have some quirks and woes, but he cares and is there for you.
#3 The Generalizer. This is my personal favorite. This is what I dealt with for four-plus years. So I am an expert on this type of man you shouldn’t date. This is the guy that sort of says the right thing. You like him, and you think he likes you but are never quite sure.
He gives you just enough hope to stick around, but never enough to feel confident in the relationship. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend or introduce you to his friends or family, but he does show signs he likes you.
If he cannot be straightforward with you one way or another, it will never go anywhere past his confusion, so get out now, before you are too hooked.
#4 The Love Bomber. A love bomber is dangerous. This is someone that rushes into things really quickly. This is someone that says I love you early. They spoil you and treat you how you always wanted to be treated. Sound great, right?
No. A love bomber is on the hunt for someone looking for acceptance and wants to be validated, and they do that. They love bomb you and smother you with amazingness so that you crave that feeling. And they do it just long enough to trap you.
Then another side of them comes out. The bomb goes off so to speak and this love bomber can become controlling, abusive, and even violent. This is a master manipulator. So, look out for a guy who loves too much, too fast. He cannot love you if he doesn’t know you.
#5 The Avoider. Much like the procrastinator this man is emotionally juvenile. He may like you, you may have a great time together, but anytime you want to take a step forward he avoids it like the plague.
He will make excuses not to meet your friends or family. He won’t make room for your toothbrush and and extra set of underwear at his place. He is pretty much avoiding commitment. Think of him as Chandler Bing from Friends before Monica.
He has potential, but you deserve better. You do not want to be his Janice.
#6 The Secret Keeper. A guy who keeps secrets cannot be trusted. Relationships are not just about communication, but honesty. And if he is shady, there is a reason for it. Ladies, we have a sixth sense, we can smell when something fishy is going on.
Instead of second-guessing yourself, second guess him. Do not go through his drawers or his phone. I am not telling you to be a crazy jealous person. Instead, confront this guy. Ask him for straight answers to the things he has been hiding. If he cannot be upfront with you, you can do better.
#7 The Pathological Liar. My most recent ex was this guy. For the longest time, I rolled my eyes and kept on dating him. He was a pathological liar. And this isn’t someone who lies about cheating necessarily, but about everything.
At first, he told me he got into a prestigious school and had this awesome job. When I found out it wasn’t true I didn’t push, I assumed he was just trying to impress me and moved on. But these small fibs and random and almost pointless lies continued.
For a while, it just seemed like this odd yet harmless thing to me until I uncovered some truths about his past. The lies carried into every aspect of him and our relationship. If someone lies with no purpose, they have no problem lying to anyone.
#8 The Cheater. ALERT! ALERT! Once a cheater always a cheater is not just a saying. This person has a track record. You wouldn’t take a job with a CEO that has a history or embezzlement, so why date a man that has a history of being dishonest?
We all hope we can be the one that he will stay with and won’t cheat on. We even tell ourselves we are the real deal and the other girls are just for sex. But do we believe that? Even if we did, we deserve better. We deserve a man that is loyal and devoted.
If you know he cheated before, calculate your risk. If he cheated once in high school or college and regrets it, go in with caution. But if he has cheated in the last three years, turn the other way. This is the type of man you want to avoid.
#9 The Misogynist. If he doesn’t treat women equally, he won’t treat you equally. If he is only respectful to women he finds attractive and not anyone else, he is a misogynist.
No matter how much good you see in him and how successful or funny he is, a misogynist will never let you soar. He will never let you do better than him. He will not consider your feelings or opinions. He may be damn good at pretending, but a misogynist is not a man, he is a coward.
#10 The Green-Eyed Monster. Jealousy is ugly, my friend. We all get a taste of envy once in a while and that is normal, but when it gets out of hand, you shut it down. I, myself, had trust issues due to past relationships. And I knew I needed to take a step back from dating or else I would be a jealous mess.
As someone who has dealt with this personally, I can tell you someone who is jealous was likely burned in the past. This doesn’t mean you should feel sorry for them and let them control your life. It means, if you like them, give them a chance to get over their trust issues on their own.
If they are jealous either way, you do not need that in your life. Jealousy doesn’t just drive them nuts, but it drives you nuts. You want to prove you are honest and loyal, but shouldn’t have to. Jealousy means there is no trust, and you cannot date someone that doesn’t trust you.
#11 The Hulk. A man who has anger issues is the type of man you shouldn’t date. This is a man that cannot control himself. Whether he punches walls or gets in fights in bars, there is no saying if or when that anger will make its way back to you.
Save yourself the trouble. There are plenty of not violent men out there that are still passionate.
#12 The Dude. The man that is a child is not the man for you. You should not have to care for the man you’re dating. If he can’t hold down a job, do his own laundry, and cook at least three different meals, he needs to grow up.
A man who is lazy in life is lazy in love.
#13 The Ghost. The Simba of twenty-first-century humans. This is the man that disappears without a trace. Maybe you chatted for a week, maybe you went on a great date, maybe you have been dating for months, then he just dropped off the face of the earth.
No one is unreachable in this day and age. He is making the choice not to talk to you and not to answer you. Whether he haunts your Instagram or keeps up on your Snapchat, he is not interested in you at the level you deserve. Even if he comes back to life and messages you, he does not deserve your attention.
There are men out there with the respect to actually talk to you, find one of them.
It may take a little longer to find your Prince Charming when you cut out the types of men you shouldn’t date, but it is well worth it!
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