Truancy – Part 2

Philadelphia, PA – Spring, 1977

We followed Martin’s Mill Road out towards Cheltenham. It was interesting to watch all of the N buses pass us by. We knew there were kids in there on their way to Fels and hoped no one who knew us would see us. Just paranoid I suppose. We crossed the bridge over into Cheltenham where I knew there was a train station. I only knew about it because that’s the station where my mom always took us to go downtown.

We went inside and all bought tickets to center city. We then went out to the platform outside to wait for the train. It would be along soon, so we discussed some of the things we wanted to do while we were downtown. We also concocted a story if anybody we ran into asked us why we weren’t in school.

The train arrived and we boarded and found some seats. None of us had ever gone into the city on our own, so we were pretty clueless as to what to do when we got there. The only time any of us had ever been into town was with our parents or on some sort of school trip.

We did end up chatting with a nice couple while we rode the train. We concocted a story that we were going into the city to meet with our parents. We were all cousins and our folks were staying in the city at the Ritz Carlton, and we were coming from our grandmothers. Just some made-up nonsense like that. I don’t know if the couple bought it, but they were nice and we figured if we could fool them, we could fool anybody.

The train soon pulled into Reading Terminal. This is way before it became a farmer’s market and a literal orgy of food and tourist destination.

Home

Today all of the incoming and outgoing trains use Suburban Station at 15th and JFK Blvd. But back in the 70s Reading Terminal was the spot. I remember it being a smelly bum pit of a place. As I walked through the station with my friends, I remembered something my father used to say. He’d tell me I needed to pay attention and do well in school so I didn’t end up like one of the guys in Reading Terminal. Which meant a bum.

Here I was cutting school and going against all that was proper. We didn’t care. We were living in the moment.

We decided we wanted to go visit Billy Penn. His statue stands atop City Hall and was once the tallest building in Philadelphia a long time ago.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_City_Hall

The skyline back then was far different than the one you see on the homepage of this blog.

We went over to city hall and the admission to go to the top was free! They probably charge for it now but back then you could just get in line and head up to the top. We piled in the elevator with a bunch of other tourists and up we went. It was cool to walk around at the foot of the giant statue atop City Hall. I noticed they had a couple of those coin-op binocular-type machines up there to get a closer look, but we were happy to just be all the way up there with no parents and teachers in sight.

“If I drop a penny from this height and it hits somebody in the head, will it kill them?”

“I don’t think so Dave, but just in case, don’t do it, okay?”

I knew from my love of all things science that a penny wouldn’t have the weight or the velocity to hurt a person if it fell on their head from a great height. But I couldn’t risk us getting in trouble while we were cutting school.

Later, we were just walking around the city and stuffing our heads with soft pretzels. We got to 16th and Chestnut, we saw that there were these older girls standing on the corner handing stuff out. Everybody likes free goodies so we walked up to them. They proceeded to hand each of us little four packs of Merit cigarettes. It must have been a new light brand they were trying to introduce, so what better way than to randomly pass out little packs of smokes to a bunch of teenagers.

It was like the wild west back then. We all bought and smoked cigs and no one ever asked me who the cigarettes were for. EVER. We were always ready to say, “They’re for my mom.” but no one ever asked. They just sold us cigarettes in every store we ever went into. You could get a pack of cigs for .51 cents a pack at Rite Aid! So cheap!

We immediately opened the packs and started smoking the Merits. But when we got to the next corner, we saw a group of different girls doing the same thing. So we went up to them too. We realized that they were on every corner of that whole block so we just walked around the block a few times until we’d gotten around 20 packs of smokes. Yes!

We headed out the Ben Franklin Parkway towards the museum district. We noticed that there was some construction going on at the Academy of Natural Sciences. We all loved that museum because it was one of the fun ones. It had dinosaurs and stuff in it so we had to get in there. We saw that there was a door open on the side and workmen were coming in and out of there. So we waited until no one was looking, slipped under a bunch of ropes and barriers, and got in there.

We’d all been there before on class trips, but when you sneak in and do the museum with your friends it’s just better. You don’t have to stay with your partner, pay attention, stay in line, go over here.. .etc. You just wander.

We had a lovely time in there for a couple of hours looking at all of the exhibits. We checked out some brochures near the exit and noticed something called the Cultural Loop Bus. We decided to hop on that out front of the museum. That bus went straight to the Philadelphia Zoo.

We spent the afternoon looking at all of the animals and enjoyed a nice lunch of hot dogs, french fries, and sodas in the Children’s petting zoo. I remembered going there with my parents as a child. But this sort of thing is always better with your friends. Just absolute freedom. We even rode the monorail!

I think that was the first time I really thought about what the zoo was. When I was little it appeared to be the greatest pet shop in the world where none of the animals were for sale. But when I really thought about it, it seemed more like an animal prison. Here we were a couple of teenage boys who had broken free for a day to go on an adventure, and these animals had been kidnapped from wherever they really lived and dropped off in here. A place where humans can gawk at them while they waste the rest of their lives in cages and glass enclosures. I could suddenly relate to the sad looking gorilla or the majestic tiger just lying on the equivalent of a bathroom floor behind a piece of tempered glass. It seemed like a horrible, cruel existence. Just knowing you will never escape. Your whole life just the same day over and over again. Not the majestic place in the jungle or the savannah. Just another inmate. It looked very much like Fels Junior High in that moment.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we could unlock all of the cages and let all of the animals just run away?”

“That would be awesome, Dave but we’d probably get beaten by our parents and end up in juvenile hall.”

We left the zoo and hopped back on the bus. Once were back in the city we found our way back to Reading Terminal. But there were so many trains there. Which one should we get on to get back home? We had no idea.

But then I remembered my mom always said that we needed to get on the Fox Chase train to get back home when we were in town with her. I’m glad I remembered that because we would have ended up getting lost. We got on that train and off we went. I knew we were on the right route because when they called out the Olney stop, I noticed that the train was on a tilt. My mother had also pointed that out to me on one of our trips into town.

We got off at the Cheltenham stop and made our way back to Rising Sun Avenue to get our stuff from out of the bushes of that big house. Happily, all of our stuff was still safely stashed and we collected it. We said our goodbyes and all agreed it had been a great day off from school.

I walked home wearing my bookbag with my umbrella in hand.

“How was school today, Chaz?”

“Good. Happy it’s the weekend.”

“You can put your umbrella in the closet. I’m glad it didn’t rain today.”

Me too, mom. Me too.”

“Go wash up for dinner.”

So I got away with cutting school.

Sort of…

I went to school on Monday but had forgotten to bring the absence note my sister had forged for me. It was still in my desk drawer. But when I got to homeroom, I found out that my teacher had also been absent on Friday. Which meant there was probably a substitute there that day. Maybe no role was taken. Because my teacher never said anything about my absence. So not only was I in the clear, I still had the note that I could use the NEXT time I cut school. Sweet!

A couple of weeks went by without incident. But one day my mom was cleaning my room or looking for contraband and found the note in my desk. She called me out on it.

“What are you planning on doing? Did you get one of your little chippies to write this for you? It’s actually pretty good. They did a good job replicating my handwriting.”

Little chippies? I didn’t have any little chippies. Everyone hated me at school, especially the girls.

I told her she was right, and the note was something one of the chippies made for me if I ever wanted to cut school. I said I was sorry and that I’d never cut school. She confiscated the note and tore it up. Of course, I would never give up my older sister. That would have had catastrophic repercussions on my future in Frankford High next year.

So, technically I pulled it off.

Funny… you’d think a bunch of teenage boys who would cut school would take the opportunity to get into some deviltry. Maybe drink beer, shoplift or smoke pot somewhere. But we didn’t do things like that back then. Beer was for older people and pot was drugs and they were illegal.

We took a Friday off in April and went to the city. We did some sightseeing, went to a museum, and the zoo. Just normal, fun kid stuff.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Truancy – Part 1

Philadelphia, PA – Spring – 1977

My older sister, who was a straight-A student, for some reason told me that she and a couple of her girlfriends had cut school one day. I was shocked that she’d done something like that and even more surprised that she told me about it.

I asked her how she had pulled it off, and she told me that she had forged a note purportedly from my mother to say she was sick. She turned it in at school and no one was the wiser. She had good handwriting and a terrific reputation at school so the note never came into question. It was an iron-clad well-executed plan.

I had never entertained the notion to cut school for that very reason. I would have been happy to cut school just to get a break and run free for a day. It seemed exciting and fun, but I knew without a note from my mother, I’d swiftly be brought to justice.

But my sister told me she’d clip one of my mom’s blank cards and write a note for me if I wanted to pull the same stunt. Again, I have no idea why she told me and why she agreed to do this for me. But I was more than willing to talk to my friends about cutting school the next Friday.

I talked to my friend Dave Oprysko and he was down to do it as well. We agreed to both pretend to go to school and then we’d meet at a designated place and go from there.

Normally, I would leave the house with my little backpack and walk down Magee street to Martin’s Mill Road. I would follow that out to Fels Junior High School. Which for me was like going to prison every day. It was a horrible place to be during my waking hours five days a week. I looked like a freak, steeped in puberty. Glasses, braces, zits all over my face, greasy hair, weird clothes, and black buckle shoes. I was a terrible student and found the place nothing but a den of boredom and bullies. Student body and teachers alike. The place was like something from a horror movie for me.

Even the walk home each day was an opportunity for the jackals and hyenas to find new ways to torture me on my way home. They came in all shapes and sizes. Bullies aren’t born. Sadly, they are all created by extremely toxic men. Terrible fathers who could only express themselves by beating their sons verbally and physically. This behavior creates their wicked pups that go out in the world filled with violence and bitterness to be inflicted on the weak. It’s a vicious cycle of crippling behavior. These bully children carry that behavior into the workforce later in life, usually ending up in labor jobs or worse… middle management jobs.

I remember one day I was in art class and it was before the teacher arrived. Of course, the entire class of 14-year-olds were all chattering and creating a ruckus like primates. A couple of these animals fell upon me for no reason. Knocking me out of my chair to the floor. I tried to get up but they pulled one of my pilgrim shoes off my foot and began tossing it around the room. This was funny to them. The boys all laughed and the girls giggled as I crawled back to my seat.

But then the teacher entered the room, and everyone quickly settled down and got into their places. The teacher was about to begin the lesson when she suddenly looked down. She bent down and picked up my little buckle shoe. She held it aloft with some confusion. “Does this belong to anyone in here?”

I slowly rose from my seat red-faced and made my way to the front of the class to retrieve my ridiculous piece of footwear. It was almost surreal in a Charlie Brown kind of way as I walked up to get my shoe. The peals of laughter from the entire class stung in my ears like battery acid. One shoe on, and the other a bare sock, there I go… clop…. clop…. clop…. clop.

I took back my shoe from the teacher who looked at me as if I were the one making trouble. I made my way back to my desk looking down at the floor the entire time. I sat back down and put it back on my foot as the teacher began the lesson. I never told on anybody, because I knew the repercussions of tattling on these apes would only result in worse beatings later.

It was one of the most humiliating moments in my life at that point.

I remember this one teacher I had named Ms. Zanan. She hated me so much that one day when I was home sick from school, she sent a note home to my mother saying  I was seen at a fire drill they had at school that day. My mother knew it was a lie because  I was home all day. I later heard that she actually stood in front of the whole class and said, “What else can I write about him?” Yea, an adult who was a teacher did that. She must have been a deeply troubled, sad, and lonely woman. But if there was a way I could get away with it, I would have gunned her down in the street like the cur she was.

This sort of thing happening to a child in their developing years marks them deeply. It’s like it’s branded into your hide forever. The bruises fade and the wounds heal but you never forget what people are capable of. Sometimes the cruelty of children is unfathomable. Ad yet, none of this would ever happen if their parents had done the right thing in raising them. The trickle-down effect of violence in schools is devastating to young minds.

Like many before me, I stopped the cycle of violence in my life and never let it become a part of me. I transformed my pain into art, music, and literature. (Oh, and by the way, I was NEVER picked on by any black kids in my school or in my life, EVER. It was all white kids that decided to make the conscious choice as a pack of dogs to torture kids like me.)

But on a positive note… Maybe if all of this hadn’t happened, I might not be the man I am today. The past can only hurt you if you let it.

I was determined to somehow rise up and out of the mess my life was in 9th grade.

Here’s some great news I found while researching this post:

Former Fels HS building to be demolished

Too bad Miss Zanan wasn’t in there when that happened. I would have made sure I put bike locks on all of the doors.

But I digress…

I want to move on from this subject and get back to the story at hand. Me taking a day off from school. But I’ve just been inspired to write a story about a kid who gets picked on and what happens to him later in life. Maybe years later he exacts his revenge on those who have wronged him. Who knows if I’ll ever write it, but I’m inspired.

Friday arrives and the night before my sister wrote the sick note and gave it to me. I put it in the desk in my room and knew I was good to go. Foolproof.

I left the house after breakfast with my little backpack and an umbrella because my mom said it looked like rain. I was excited to pull off this deed. But when she handed me my lunch and the umbrella, I felt a twinge of guilt. Here was my sweet mother not wanting her son to get all wet and here I was about to cut school.

I left the house and walked down Magee street to Rising Sun avenue. On the corner was this big old house that I think belonged to a doctor. It’s a tax office now, but it looks pretty much like it did back in the 70s. I found this photo on Google Earth, but back then it had huge bushes all around the grounds of the house. I never saw anyone ever come or go from that place but we used to hang out there all of the time.

I later would sit on the steps of the porch and make out with my girlfriend Clare. But that wouldn’t happen until a year or so later. At least you know my life became exponentially better once I got out of the hell hole of Fels Junior High.

Clare – Loop Line Girlfriend

Anyway,  I get to the house on the corner which was a known meeting spot for my friends and me. I stashed my bookbag and the umbrella under one of the huge bushes next to the house.

I was a bit nervous but also excited. It was 7:45 in the morning. I was supposed to be on my way to school. But that was not to be the order of the day.

I was relieved when I saw my friend Dave walking towards me on the avenue. He had another kid with him. I don’t remember the kid’s name or if he even went to our school, but he was a friend of Dave’s. He was a nerdy kid like the rest of us, with his thick glasses and pocket protector. But he seemed nice, so I was fine with him joining us for the day.

I told the guys to stash their stuff with mine under the bushes, and we were off. We walked north on Rising Sun until we reached Martin’s Mill Road. Instead of going east towards school, we went west. This was it. There was no going back at this point. We were doing this.

To be continued tomorrow!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

11 Cute Things To Say When You Can’t Say I Love You Back … Yet

Just don’t be awkward about it. (No pressure, though.)

You might not be ready to say the L-word, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or don’t appreciate the fact that your new boyfriend or girlfriend said “I love you.”

So when it comes to deciding what you should say in return, it’s all about the delivery and meaning you put behind your words.

I think we all know that saying “Thank you” as a response is a huge slap in the face when someone says I love you for the first time, even if you do appreciate it.

1. “I’m not ready to say that back, but I do know that you’re important to me.”

Honesty is important in any relationship. If you’re not ready, it’s as simple as that. You shouldn’t feel obligated to say it, and they should know that.

It might sting a little, but as long as you can at least help them understand that they are important to you, patience will be a little easier to come by. They’ll appreciate that you don’t take this lightly, and it’ll make the moment you do say it that much sweeter.

2. “I’m so happy to have you in my life.”

Say it, mean it, repeat it.

If you’re happy with this person, isn’t that a big part of what love means anyway?

3. “I’ve never felt like this before, so I’m trying to understand it.”

Don’t say it unless you mean it. Feelings can be confusing. And scary. And fast. We all have our own pace.

Take time to understand it yourself, and you’ll know if and when you’re ready to say it to them.

4. “You make me so happy, and I appreciate you so much.”

So this is kind of a combo of a couple of things. But at the very least, it’s important to make the other person feel safe and secure. Saying I love you takes a lot of courage. Make sure they understand that you don’t think they’re weird for saying it when they did.

And if they did it made you feel uncomfortable that they did, well, that’s another story.

5. *Express your feelings with a kiss*

You might not be able to say exactly what they want to hear right away, but hey, sometimes actions speak louder than words!

Just don’t just kiss them to avoid responding altogether. That could be kind of awkward.

6. “I think I’m beginning to feel the same.”

If you say it like that, you kinda, sorta, maybe said it back too, right?

Like, you’re pretty sure that you’re sure … maybe?

7. “That means so much to me.”

And it does! Keep an honest smile with it. You can add whatever spice of life to this one.

“That means a lot to me, and I wish I could say it back, but something’s stopping me.”

“That means a lot to me, and I think I’m on the same road.”

You’ve got this.

8. “I really care about you.”

“I care about you so much, and it makes me happy to hear you say that.”

Even if you can’t say the L-word, you can help them to understand how you feel in the moment.

9. Hug it out.

This is a very vulnerable moment. Some physical contact can help him or her feel safe again.

10. “Why?”

If the statement took you aback, or if you’re not sure if they really mean it, go ahead and ask. Let them tell you what drove them to say it.

Their answer might just be what inspires you to say it too — or realize that you’ve been giving off the wrong signals.

11. Say it through your actions.

Are you ready to write it? Show it? Maybe forming the words in your mouth is hard for you because you’ve never said it before, or because you have and you’ve been hurt, so now you’re scared.

Try saying it in a different way. Write them a little letter, take them out, whatever.

The ability to say those actual three words will come when it feels right.

I don’t know what’s holding you back, and maybe you don’t even know what’s holding you back, but it’s okay. Don’t feel pressured. When it feels right, you’ll know.

Until then, keep doing what you’ve been doing to make them fall in love with you in the first place!

 

https://www.theabsolutedater.com/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – Rock ‘n Roll Mugshots

But some stars take acting out to a whole new level, and their deeds—or rather, misdeeds—cross the thin blue line that separates the legendary and the illegal, and brings them straight into the police station. Sure, charges related to sex and drugs may not be entirely unexpected for rock-n-rollers, but larceny, aggravated assault, and even murder are also in the mix below.

c. 1938
Frank Sinatra, aged 23, poses for a mugshot after being arrested and charged with “carrying on with a married woman” in 1938 in Bergen County, New Jersey.
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
c. 1947
Jazz singer Billie Holiday’s mugshot in May 1947, when she was 32. She was arrested for possession of narcotics and served eight months in prison.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1963
The first of three mugshots of Jim Morrison of The Doors. Here, aged 20, Morrison had been arrested on September 28, 1963, on charges of petty larceny, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and public drunkenness at a football game in Tallahassee, Florida. Morrison made fun of the players and the crowd and went so far as to steal an umbrella and a police officer’s helmet from a police car. Charges were dropped, but Morrison was fined.
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
c. 1967
Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, aged 18, posed for his mugshot on March 15, 1967, in Yonkers, New York. He was arrested for possession of marijuana.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1968
Jim Morrison’s second appearance, on January 29, 1968, in Las Vegas, Nevada, when he was 25. On this occasion, Morrison was detained at the Pussycat a’ Go-Go bar for public drunkenness and vagrancy.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1969
Jimi Hendrix poses for a mugshot after his arrest for narcotics possession at Toronto International Airport on May 3, 1969, in Toronto, Canada.
Donaldson Collection/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
c. 1970
Jim Morrison in Dade County, Florida, in September 1970. His arrest was for an incident a year previously, at Coconut Grove, Florida. Morrison was charged with a felony for lewd lascivious behavior, two misdemeanors for public profanity, two for public exposure, and one for public drunkenness—all while on stage.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1976
David Bowie was arrested in March 1976, after a performance in Rochester, New York, for possession of around half a pound of marijuana. Three others were detained with Bowie, including Iggy Pop. They were all released on bail after three hours.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1976
Jerry Lee Lewis was arrested by Memphis police in November 1976 and charged with public drunkenness and gun possession.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1978
Bassist Sid Vicious of punk band The Sex Pistols poses for his mugshot after being arrested by New York City police for allegedly murdering his girlfriend Nancy Spungen on December 8, 1978 in New York City.
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
c. 1980
An 18-year-old Axl Rose posed for the above Lafayette, Indiana police mugshot in July 1980. It was the first of at least five arrests for Rose.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1982
David Crosby, founding member of The Byrds and Crosby, Stills & Nash was arrested by Dallas police in April 1982 and charged with drug and gun possession.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1984
John Osbourne (aka Ozzy Osbourne) was arrested by Memphis cops in May 1984 and charged with public intoxication.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1986
Kurt Cobain, singer of the Grunge band Nirvana, was arrested by Aberdeen, Washington police in May 1986, for spray painting the phrase “ain’t got no whatchamacallit” on vehicles.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images
c. 1988
James Brown posed for this South Carolina Department of Corrections mug shot in December 1988 after a jury found him guilty of aggravated assault, weapons possession, and failure to stop for police. His “failure to stop” saw Brown flee police across two States. When police blew out two of his tires, he drove on the rims for six miles. He served three years—one of a number of periods in prison.
Bureau of Prisons/Getty Images

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

 

Supremely Cringy First Date Horror Stories

You probably swapped as many pretty awful first date horror stories with your friends as potential mates you’ve swiped left on Tinder. When it comes to horrible first dates, they’re no different than taxes or puberty: everyone hates them, but everyone’s gotta get through them. Thankfully, the very worst first dates often become hilarious stories in hindsight, though some remain, complete terrors, even years after the fact. Plus, many horrible first dates provide you excellent excuses to end a creepy-ass date before it goes too far. The people of Reddit shared their worst first dates and they definitely do not disappoint. You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Didn’t think so.

“Eh?”
“He asks me out to dinner, but instead of a restaurant he pulls into an empty parking lot and pulls out his half flaccid dick. He looks at me with a shrug and goes ‘Eh!?’ I look him in the eye all stern like for a good minute before he zips up his pants and he drives me back home in complete silence. Only when we pull into my driveway he said ‘Your eyes are too big for your face…’ I just get out and start walking to my door, but he gets out too, I figure to apologize. But no, he tries to kiss me goodnight.”
“You Like Being Daddy’s Little Sl*t”

“So I matched with this dude who seemed nice, and we agree to meet up at a coffee shop. Talking is awkward, but from the get-go, he was giving me some neck-beardy vibes. Example: I complimented his American traditional style tattoo and his response was: ‘Huh I didn’t think girls would know anything about tattoos.’ Note that this was after me talking about the tattoos I have. He also tried to forcefully order for me, which I brushed off like ‘Lol no,’ figuring it was all whatever, he’s just nervous and trying to show off or some sh*t.

Everything was still going okay until he walked me to my car. We hugged, and he leaned in for a kiss. I think ‘Whatever, I don’t care, that’s fine.’ We were making out a little and I felt his hand moving up to my face, and I thought ‘Oh, okay, he’s just going to put his hand on the back of my neck or my chin or in my hair or whatever.

NOPE. I WAS WRONG. SO WRONG. This mother*cker decided it was a swell idea to start choking me. At this point, it would be pertinent to mention I’m a 5’8″ female of average size, and he was a 6’2″ stocky dude. I froze, because that’s my response to threatening situations, and he leaned over and whispered in my ear ‘Yeah, you like that? You like being daddy’s little sl*t.’ I was just sitting there waiting for him to let go of my neck because I am pinned against the car. I finally managed to stammer out a ‘Wuh-what’ and he proceeded to tighten his grip and repeat the question, to which my survival instincts are screaming “SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO” so I just managed to choke out ‘Yes sir’ and he let me go. I proceeded to get the f*ck out of there and chewed him out after the fact.”

Their Date “Knew” The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse

“This was by far the most terrifying/hilarious date I had ever been on. Years ago, I was a junior in high school and he was in college. We had been texting casually for a few weeks. One weekend, he met my friend and me at a local concert. When it was over, the friend I got a ride from had to leave urgently, so this guy offered to drive me home. No big deal, I thought, I needed a ride. We went to dinner and it was very nice. Nothing weird nothing suspicious.

Then came the ride home. My house was about 45 minutes away through isolated freeways in the desert. (Accepting a ride was not my proudest moment, I admit) He talked the entire ride and it went from normal small talk to him saying that he has superpowers. He said that when he was in high school he went to an alternate dimension and couldn’t find his way back. The only way for him to find his way was to sell his soul to a merchant he found in this other dimension. When he got back to this dimension he had superpowers and could control people’s emotions. He then creepily leaned over and said ‘I can make you feel anything right now…’

He also said he knew the four horsemen of the apocalypse and that he was going to help me during the end of the world. At this point, I was convinced I was going to end up in a garbage bag on the side of the road. But I got home safe. Never talked to him again until he was my server at a restaurant years later and was extremely awkward.”

His Dead Cold Eyes

“A coworker who asked me out for a drink after work. He wasn’t really my usual type but always seemed sweet so I figured I’d give it a shot. We hit a bar, and all seems well until he apparently has one too many. He starts telling me stories about his past and how he was basically a knee-breaker/hitman for some crime organization out of Mexico. He gives me tons of details about methods and the going rates for XYZ. The stories get progressively worse and more graphic, but still, I’m not really believing any of this. I think he’s trying to (very weirdly) impress me.

He’s quiet for a minute, stares off into space, and then leans over to me and his eyes just go dead cold. He tells me that if someone paid him $5,000, he would cut off one of my hands. But since we’re friends, he would do it quick and clean at the wrist and put the hand on ice so I could possibly save it.

I start believing him then. I tell him I’m feeling sick and have to go home. I stayed ‘friendly’ with him at work until he eventually got fired for stealing from the bar – I was very concerned about the ramifications of no longer being on his good side.

I still don’t know if I believe his stories about being a hired killer, but I do believe that he fantasized about it deeply enough to scare the sh*t out of me. I’ve never been happier to see someone disappear.”

MJ In The House

“It was with a guy I worked with. He picked me up from my desk dressed up like Michael Jackson, including tape around his fingers and a surgical mask on his face. He was a plump, 5’6″ white guy with blond hair, making it somehow even weirder that he was trying to look like Michael Jackson.”

He Wanted Violence

“This one guy complained about how he resented that nobody would let him talk to them about the dark side of life, including violence. I mentioned that I have a hard time watching violence against animals on TV. (I meant reality TV shows that show stories of animals who have been abused.) His face perked up, and he asked which TV show had violence against animals. There was an eagerness in how he asked which creeped me the f*ck out. I left quickly.”

Seriously, Dude?

“I went to the cinema and I felt very uncomfortable with my date, so said I wanted to leave. He then proceeds to say, ‘Let me guess, nerves, overprotective parent, wanting to leave, have you been raped before?’ The date ended right there.”

Illuminati

“I have one that’s more ‘weird’ than it was terrible. It’s a doozy. When I was 19, I was working at a shop in a less-traveled part of downtown. It was wintertime, and my hometown is dead in the winter, so there was very little foot traffic. I was working alone on a Saturday night.

A cute backpacker guy came into the shop. At the time, I considered myself to have hippie leanings, so he was just my type (yeah, I had one long skirt and wore jewelry I bought from street vendors. That’s as far as that went. Totally pretentious and naive).

We got to chatting, and he said he’d just gotten into town and was looking for suggestions on ‘fun things to do.’ I directed him to the nearest nightclubs on the next block, and he left while I went about my business. He came back sometime later to tell me that the clubs weren’t really his scene, and invited me to hang out with him at his grandparents’ place, which was on lakefront property. I agreed to it, like an idiot, all excited and flattered that this hot scruffy guy had asked me ‘out,’ thinking it was romantic or some sh*t.

Well, I went there after I closed the shop down at 10 PM. I got to the address he had given me, and it looked like a nice enough place but there were no grandparents to be seen. I wondered briefly if he had just broken in to some random property, but he seemed familiar with a few key things. I stayed, and he made me Kraft Dinner, which was pretty cool.

Then, we sat inside and he began talking about all the occult/Illuminati symbols on the American dollar bill, that everything in the U.S. is a giant conspiracy run by them, etc., etc. At this point, I was feeling uncomfortable. He told me about some experience he had in Tofino (a small, hippie-ish town on Vancouver Island) where he was on the beach and apparently saw hippies come out of the forest, draw a big circle in the sand, and then dance and chant around it in the moon/candlelight (honestly, this one could have been true). He told me about some spooky supernatural experiences he had in Stanley Park in Vancouver that also cemented his belief in ghosts. Then – the kicker – he told me he could see auras. So far, all of this could be just some hippie/free-spirit guy talking about his beliefs, yes? But he said that he believed that he was descended from the wizard Merlin since Merlin had a grey aura and so did he. He believed he was a wizard and had some kind of powers and that’s why all these weird things kept happening to him.

I had to go.

I told him I had to work early. Then, I get outside and it was the first snowstorm of the year – hooray! I could barely get my car up the driveway but finally did (no way was I going back inside or considering staying the night). At the time, I thought he was weird but was more worried about driving in the snow or waking up my parents after being out so late. He texted me once or twice after that, but I kept telling him I was busy.

I should have known better. Way better. That was so, so dangerous. Nobody knew where I was, so I was extremely lucky that he was harmless. When I tell the story to friends, they laugh about my date with a wizard, but I shudder to think of how dumb I was – it’s more about that than about some kooky dude.”

Lick It Right Up

“When I was a senior in high school, I went out with this guy after school. We grabbed some smoothies, smoked a blunt, and were planning on doing the boop, until he picked a zit when he thought I wasn’t looking, and while his face bled he LICKED HIS FINGER. I thought I was going to puke”

Straight-Up Stabbed

“Got straight-up stabbed.’ Friends set me up on a blind date and swore I’d ‘totally love her.’ She was weird at the beginning of the date and just kept getting weirder – clingy and possessive, even though we’d just met, etc.

I excused myself to hit the restroom (the joys of beer) and she hauled to the back and stabbed me in the arm with her knife, claiming I was ‘totally running off on her to make out with the cute waitress.’

I got three stitches, she got an extensive psych hold.

There was no second date.”

Oh, Mario

“On a first date: ‘My great-grandfather’s name is Mario, my grandfather’s name is Mario, my dad’s Mario, I’m Mario, and if you don’t mind, I’ll be naming our child Mario.'”

Fingers Off

“He picked me up at my house and had flowers and a bottle of wine, which for me was way too formal and awkward (I was 18 and he was 27). Then we went to the movies and he would not stop trying to finger me. I finally got so fed up about that I had him drive me home mid-movie .”

Private Time But Not In Private

“The guy kept touching himself. He also ran across the street and didn’t wait for me.”

Just A Little Casual Racism

“‘You’re definitely Chinese. How are you not Chinese?!’

I’m 100% Irish and no matter how many times I stressed this, he would not give up.”

A Parting Gift

“Picked up girl.

Drove to dinner, nice place.

Asks if it’s cool if she smokes.

She pulls out a blunt.

I get pissed off.

She blows smoke in my face.

I kick her out.

She stuck a bloody tampon to my car.”

Meet The Parents

“Dude I matched with online. I was really bored and I like to drive.

He lived about 45 minutes away, but it was up in Big Bear which is really pretty, and did I mention I was bored? He said his truck was broken so I said what the hell, I’ll drive up.

I finally found the place and he meets me outside. He doesn’t have a plan, just says we can go out to the marina by the lake and look at the stars. Ok, I’m hungry, but whatever. Well, the part of the marina we went to was not pretty. It was the backside, the creepy side with construction going on and no one around. I was freaking out a bit but had my knife on me and thought to myself not everyone is bad.

We looked at the stars, talk a bit, and then went back to his place. We walked in the door and his freaking parents were standing at the back door in their underwear looking at raccoons on the back patio. He even introduced me to them and I shook his dad’s hand while he was in nothing but his boxers!

I am too polite of a person and can’t believe it, but I actually went up to the dude’s room. Then he fell asleep on me and I snuck out.

The next day he wouldn’t stop calling me and sending me dick picks at work.”

A Point And A Wink

“I went on a date with a guy I had met online. He wanted to meet for drinks, so I went to the pub and waited. He showed up 20 minutes late on his bicycle, proceeded to come into the bar and down two pints after giving me a point and a wink. I overheard him tell the waitress to “put it on his tab” and then he came over to the table with another beer.

He proceeded to tell me about his two boys (no mention of them in our previous conversation) and how his mom wanted to take them all to Disney World. He told her that would be too expensive, so he left his boys at home and he and his mom went to Disney World instead. Then he proceeded to tell me that he rode his bike everywhere because after his sixth DUI, “those dumb cops” took his license away. He mocked me for drinking water, then in his next breath told me that he could really see falling in love with me. In 20 minutes, I got about ten words out, and most of them were me telling him I had to go.

I later found out that he worked for a friend’s father, and that he was married.”

Mystery Dating

“Got a call from a friend of a friend who I thought I’d met once before asking if I wanted to go out tomorrow (Saturday) night. Sure. I went out to her place about 40 mins away. I realized upon arrival that I didn’t actually know her name. We had dinner, talked, made out a bit, talked about going out again, made out some more, called it a night at around 1 am. I tried several ways to get her to reveal her name, to no avail. I dropped her off at her place, drove home, went to bed.

I realized the following morning that she had never spoken my name either, not on the phone or in person. I further realized that I didn’t have her phone number and called the mutual friend to ask for her number. A mutual friend had no idea who I was talking about. I gave him the address of the girl. He said he didn’t know anyone from that town and the address wasn’t familiar.

Never heard from her again.”

The Cats Out Of The Bag

“Date was dinner and a movie with a girl. We got the movie time wrong so went to dinner first. After ordering she starts looking at her phone a lot and has this weird look on her face. I ask what’s wrong she says her cat has gone missing. She goes outside to make a phone call and comes back 5 minutes later saying we have to go.

I get our food boxed and pay the bill. I drive her back to her dorm and she runs inside with no goodbye. I shrug it off and go eat my boxed cold dinner. Later that night I check Facebook and see her on a date with another guy. I send her a message asking how her cat is.”

Takeout To Take Her Out

“The girl asked if I could buy her something for takeout, mainly because her boyfriend only lets her see other people if he can get a meal out of it when she gets back home.”

https://www.theabsolutedater.com/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

%d bloggers like this: