Here’s a guest post from a friend of mine on WordPress. Thank you, Sarika. Take it away!
You have started reading this, only if you have found the title relevant to you. You have either figured out that you are obsessing over someone, or someone is obsessing over you, or …stories of someone you know, make you feel that he/she is going through this obsession phase in one way or another. So, now take a look at 11 ways that can help you stop obsessing over someone.
If you constantly are thinking about someone and are not taking your life forward as it should be because your brain can’t stop obsessing over your crush, someone who you are dating, someone who you have just met, and all your attention is fixated on a girl/boy, then the below points should help you look and think past them.
1. Reason the person
See the person for what he/she is. There are definitely great qualities due to which the attraction has led to obsession, but there have to be some bad points too that have put you in this state of obsession in the first place. Look at all of this as that might help you to move on and keep you in a better place. Also, show yourself the life you had before they were in your life and ascertain that you still can get back to that place, if need be.
2. Laugh about it
You end up talking about that person with anyone you speak with. Directly or indirectly, things just boil down to talks about that person? That can be controlled slowly and gradually, but to reach there, you will have to learn to laugh about your obsession as that will make you realize what has made you be this obsessive a person. Then, consciously make a decision to distance yourself from them to take care of yourself. This will help you stop obsessing over someone.
3. You can be sad and scared
Yes, you might have hit that age, where you feel if, not him/her then no one. Or everyone around you is getting married or committing to each other for serious relationships and your fear of dying and living alone for the rest of the life is getting to you. And, hell yes, this is also the cause of your perpetual state of sadness. If, it helps, then get off Social Media for a bit to gather yourself without anyone’s intrusion.
4. Stop it
Stop obsessing over the person as now you consciously know that you have started obsessing over someone and start with a new hobby, or to do something that you have always wanted to do and never got a chance to do it. It could be taking that solo trip that you wanted to, learn a new language, start driving that bike that you always wanted to try. Start doing all this or else you are allowing your obsession, to limit your world.
5. Get back here
Live in the present! Thinking about this person all the time and repeating the past events in the head and wondering how the future events would turn out does not allow you to live in your present and focus on future events, based on the present highs or lows. Look at yourself in the mirror and give a ‘reality check’, but don’t be hard on yourself – be your friend. Remember overthinking ruins relationships.
6. Distract yourself
Go to the bar and watch other people, so you distract yourself from the current person that you are obsessed with. If you are unable to do this, then a wingman/woman alone is always a good thing. Undertaking new activities can also help you distract from your present obsession. If, you have tried all of this and still your mind keeps on thinking about them, seek professional help and don’t be shy there.
7. The pedestal is yours
Your obsession holds that important place in your head, which is the precise reason why you are obsessed with that person. It might sound outright selfish, but considering yourself the most important person and keeping yourself on the pedestal are most required and that’s how it should be. Introspect and learn what has been the cause of this obsession – past relationships and more.
8. Their opinions don’t define you
Because you are so obsessed with them, everything that they say matters to you way more than it should. Sure, you care about what they think about you, but then living up to their desired expectations about you is a bit too much. At times, if they know that you get affected by their opinions, then they purposely may say stuff to put you down and see how you would change based on that. Some derive pleasure out of situations like these.
9. Get a support system
You need this group of people as your ‘go-to’ people at the time of crisis and at times of happiness too. But, you need them more, especially while dealing with this phase of obsession and to get a third party’s perspective. You might end up knowing that some of your friends are also obsessing over someone and that is help enough – better two people sail in one boat, rather than you alone.
10. Stop overthinking
Thinking is important and plays a crucial role in everyone’s life, but isn’t useful if it turns into overthinking. Only you can have control over your thoughts and make valid choices on what you can and can’t control. Calmly sit and talk to yourself and make yourself aware of the life that you have outside of your partner. Get back on track and keep on moving as that will help you to keep up with the world.
11. Follow these mantras
Mantras about yourself can help you focus on yourself and make yourself a priority rather than anyone else. Let your anger flow, but to stop feeding your obsession, use mantras like:
- I am awesome!
- I am happy and fun, even without him/her
- I am enough and sufficient for myself
Chant these and if required bring some small changes in your life – like use a different route to work, take your dog to a different park for a walk, spontaneously go for a haircut/tattoo, etc.
If, you are those creative types, then turn this obsession into your muse and get something productive out of it. Paint a beautiful picture, write that poem, record an original song, and so on and so forth. It isn’t easy to learn that you are obsessed and after learning that, it’s more difficult to get out of that obsession. Try these tactics and let us know if they helped in the comments below. Stop obsessing over someone and start obsessing over yourself.
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