2 Reasons Why Women End Up Settling Down With Men They Aren’t Attracted To

Here’s another guest post from one of my followers. It’s good to get a woman’s point of view. Take it away, Brigette!

Why settle for less than you deserve?

Women settle for men they aren’t attracted to all the time, but why? Is it because they aren’t shallow and can see through to a guy’s great personality? Or is it because some women feel less confident in relationships with men who are too attractive?

Self-confidence is a huge deal for many women — especially when it comes to social media. Expectations are high — we see near-perfect people with perfect bodies in ads and through our friends’ and followers’ posts — we feel like we have to be perfect to “get the guy” of our dreams.

We insist on comparing ourselves to other women who are skinnier, prettier, taller, have clearer skin, or better hair. It’s hard to find a single female who is completely happy and satisfied with her looks and her body.

Men play a big part in this. Unfortunately, a lot of women tend to base their self-confidence off of the opinion of men — whether or not a boy asks them out or pays them attention or compliments or flirts with them.

Obviously, it feels good to have someone pay attention to you and to know that someone is attracted to you, even If that feeling is superficial. You feel like you’re pretty and desired and all of your insecurities can disappear for a moment … at least until they come rushing back and you start to think damaging things about yourself.

Self-destructive thoughts like, “he hasn’t seen me in a swimsuit yet so he doesn’t know what I look like entirely — what if he doesn’t actually like me after that?” start to float around your mind. Or you start to think that once he meets someone more attractive then he will go for her instead and no longer be interested.

I wish that none of this were true or that I could just say people never truly base their relationship decisions on attractiveness, but we do. Guys can be like that, and ladies can too. But attractiveness isn’t everything, and there are exceptions to every rule.

Take a look below at 2 important reasons why women end up settling in relationships or often choosing to be with men they aren’t physically attracted to.

Life and relationships are complicated, but these points help illustrate why our own insecurities as women change the way we make decisions when it comes to love.

1. Women worry that it’ll take “too long” to find someone new.

So, the thing is, when you meet a guy who knows all your flaws and has met all your friends already and he still wants you — that means he likes you and chooses you. He’s not actively looking for someone else, no matter how attractive they may be. And we women understand that that kind of commitment is hard to come by in the dating world.

So when a man dedicates himself to you, you feel like you can’t let go, because it took so long to find him in the first place, so what are the chances you’ll find someone else who will love me and adore me and want me in the same way? You convince yourself that even if you don’t feel the same way, this is the best you’re going to get, so you stay and you settle.

Nothing may be wrong with this guy you’re with, but even when you don’t feel that spark with him, you stay in the relationship because you’re fearful of being vulnerable again.

2. We’re afraid of being alone.

There is a great chance that this guy you’re with (that you’re not attracted to in the same way) is very nice to you and wants to do everything in his power to please you — maybe he feels like he’s not “in your league”, so he’s doing everything he can to not let you know that you can do better.

But if you’re a woman who just isn’t in it for the same reasons, settling for the “good enough” guy is a disservice to yourself — and to him.

Having a person by your side should not be the determining factor for your self-love and worthiness. As women, it’s difficult to imagine navigating the world alone — even for a little while — but being in a relationship where the feelings don’t go both ways is just wasting too much of your time.

I struggled a lot after my ex and I broke up. I felt like no other men would like me or want to date me — I didn’t feel pretty enough and felt intimidated by the dating scene. But it’s taken a lot of time and encouragement from friends and family to convince me that I am worthy of love and that I don’t need a partner in my life to give me worth.

As women, we need to be able to recognize our worth and value in life on our own so that we don’t feel awkward, unattractive, undesirable. And it’s important to remember that settling in a relationship with someone we don’t love or are not attracted to isn’t our only option.

The right person will come along when the time is right and be able to provide the love and care you desire. And you will know when you’re not settling, because you’ll feel it — you won’t doubt the love you feel for them and you’ll be sure of your future together.

 

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Author: phicklephilly

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8 thoughts on “2 Reasons Why Women End Up Settling Down With Men They Aren’t Attracted To”

  1. Wow!!! Spot on! We do tend to settle, but sometimes it comes from not just the confidence thing, but we get worn down. We get tired of losing all the time. It’s like we don’t want to repeat our past, loving and losing. We don’t trust ourselves to make the right choices. We get lazy and not willing to put forth any more effort in finding M. Right. So, when someone treats us decently, we figure, it may be boring but at least I won’t get hurt. At least, not like before.

    1. You make a great point her, Jolie. I agree. I can see how that could eventually happen to someone. I suppose it’s a better choice than being alone for some. Nobody wants to keep getting their heart broken or being disappointed all the time. Thanks for your great comment as always!

  2. I find it hard to believe anyone could settle down with someone they’re not attracted to at all. People don’t have to be ‘perfect like in an advert’ to be attractive, everyone has different ideals and personality / confidence / outlook plays a big part too. I don’t doubt some people DO settle down with people they’re unattracted too, perhaps like you say they are scared of being on their own – with women perhaps the biological clock kicks in also! I’ve never dated anyone I’ve not been attracted too, it just seems odd to me. I’d rather be single! Good post 🙂

    1. Yea I’d rather be single than date or be in a relationship with someone I wasn’t attracted to. But I’ve seen so many people just settle to meet a long term goal they were taught. Get married and have a kid. It’s never a food reason but plenty do it. I was dumped by my last 2 girlfriends for that very reason. I want going to marry them and give them kids so I was out. I prefer being single anyway. I like going to the library and borrowing a book for awhile and then returning it. It’s so much easier and less expensive than purchasing(marrying) the book. Get me? Thanks so much for your comment today, Emma! 😀

      1. I get you! Ha ha. Though that’s a lot of first dates you gotta pay out for 🙂

        I’ve never wanted kids so never had that problem ha ha. My other half now doesn’t want them either so we’re a good match! My last long-term relationship before him, we didn’t split because of the kids thing but it would have been an issue at some point because I knew he did want them.

    2. I think our background has a lot to do with it. When you get beaten down and constantly told you aren’t good enough, then you tend to settle, because you believe that’s true. You don’t want to be alone but at the same time you don’t think you’re good enough for the ideal, so in my case, I tended to sabotage or not even hope for the good guy, the one I really wanted. I still tend towards that. It’s a hard habit to break. The man I’m with now is nothing like what I wanted, I’m not remotely physically attracted to him, but he is not abusive and doesn’t fight outrightly. I have only figured out recently that it has been a passive aggressive relationship and I was being manipulated and didn’t know it. I’ve been scared to go out on my own and find a Mr. Right, if he even exists for me at my age.

      1. I understand what you’re saying. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had some tough times too. It sounds like you are happy with your man and he treats you right. Doesn’t some attraction come from personality and love as well though, I mean, you must like snuggling up to him a bit? 🙂 I understand entirely about not wanting to be alone. It’s easy enough in theory to say “I’d rather be on my own” but I don’t really have any family and it is a scary concept being on your ‘own’ properly, against the world.

  3. I don’t like snuggling up to him or kissing actually, although I do like his hugs. I have a very large family and even though our parents were cruel, we leaned on one another a lot so, I do have that support system. On the downside of that though is the fact that my family likes hubby and I’m afraid, they would resist any changes in our relationship. In a way, that’s his ace in the hole. lol

What are your thoughts on this subject?