Here’s another post from one of my female readers. I think it’s worth sharing. Take it away, Jill!
I have something to confess: people whom you trust blindly can even deceive you in a span of seconds. I have been married to a man for almost years now. We had an unhappy yet satisfying marriage. Things took a turn when I got to know that he had thrown himself into an affair.
I couldn’t believe for months that the love of my life could cheat on me. Being cheated sucks big time. It doesn’t matter how miserable my marriage was – finding out, the person I loved would betray me – was nothing less than a nightmare.
It was as if cheating on me wasn’t enough. He left me for his girlfriend and married her after 2 years – cherry on the top, they are expecting their first child now. Trust me, this is not an experience you’d be willing to go through.
Do you want your forever to last? Here are some hard-earned lessons that I came across when my whole world crumbled to pieces.
Don’t Blame Yourself
If your husband cheated on you is it your fault? No. You are not to blame for his infidelity. It was a unilateral decision that he made – a choice which was made without your consent. His behavior was a very clear reflection of how he was as a person.
Sometimes, I thought that he left me because I wasn’t good enough. You’ll realize it soon that cheating has nothing to do with appearance, money or education. Stop being guilty.
Material things don’t matter. What’s significant is how you feel in each other’s company. Your husband found joy with someone else, so why blame yourself for it?!
Get Over It
Leave your past behind. Try to bring all the positive vibes that help you move on and get wiser to handle relationships in the future. I was distrustful of everyone initially, but with time I have tried to adjust myself and I have started accepting things.
You cannot remain sad and distressed your whole life. You may plan to look for a job. The best thing is to keep yourself busy so that you don’t have time to think about your traumatizing past.
Know Your Worth
I was in a marriage, where I was willing to give away all I had. But if someone doesn’t value you it’s out of your self-control. Don’t let go of your self-respect for the sake of a happy marriage. I wouldn’t recommend it at all.
Always know your worth! There is no point in staying with a person if it’s an abusive relationship. Try to consult a family law firm if you’ve decided to part ways with your partner. I, for one, realized I’m planting water to a dead flower.
Don’t Force Him to Stay
I made the mistake of forcing my husband to stay in the marriage even when he didn’t want to. There’s no point staying in an unwanted marriage.
Divorce is considered to be taboo in a community. But it’s better to let him go if he wants that. You’d be heartbroken initially but you’ll learn to cope up with life.
If he doesn’t want to stay, he has nothing to lose by negotiating with you. Don’t stoop low by clinging on to him. Forcing things on your spouse would just complicate things in the future.
Forgive and Forget
There will always be these two opinions. Sometimes, you’d think it’s okay to forgive him despite what he did to you. Or, you may go with the flow and leave things for God to decide. Forgiving your spouse will help you move on with life. The trust will come later.
If he’s really guilty, you may forgive him this one time and try to rebuild your relationship with your partner. For me, I always believed that it’s better to be alone rather than to be cheated on.
If you don’t want to forgive your partner, that’s your personal choice. It takes time to heal. It took me years to get past the melodrama, but I had my whole life ahead of me. That was the only reason I decided to forgive him and start afresh with him.
Have you internalized your feelings of rejection? Don’t close yourself from the faucet of truth. You definitely are worthy, important and able. You might want to devote your whole existence to the person you love but that existence may come crashing down.
Everything happens for a reason and only you so have a choice to grow from experiences.
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