One of the biggest difficulties I have faced in my own life is that I simply forget many of the things that I say and don’t even remember saying something hurtful in the first place. Maybe you blame yourself for the failed relationship, too. It’s perfectly normal to believe that we were the main issue, just as it’s also perfectly understandable to blame your ex for a breakup. In almost every case, there was fault on both sides. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made instead of spending hours each day replaying things in your mind and wondering what you could have done differently. It really doesn’t matter what went wrong because that part of your life is now over.
You have many more chapters to write in your life, so if you keep reading the last chapter over and over, your book will never continue and you find yourself in…
Should I try to be friends with my ex?
Having children with your ex is probably the only reason to remain friends with them. Maybe down the road, you can try to have a friendship. Since you are wondering if it is time to let of them, then being friends with them will not help you let go at all. You will only have unnecessary contact with them and relive past pain again and again as you will invariably ask for another chance or sleep together. All this does is move you back to the chapter that you just finished. Focus on your other friends or making new ones. Better yet — become your own best friend and do the things that you enjoy doing the most.
Creature comfort with an ex is only a temporary fix
Treat it like a Band-aid
Don’t bother trying to slowly release the grip that your past has on you. Rip that Band-aid off right now and start living for yourself again. It’s better to have a quick sharp pain than living the agony over an extended period of time, right? Each day you spend dwelling on your ex is one more day you have wasted. I have been as guilty of this as anyone. I used to take pride in the fact that my Facebook was full of exes and that I was able to be mature and cordial with them. However, once I realized how much time I spent talking to them, I knew it was time to rip those Band-aids off of my body. It has definitely created a feeling of emptiness in my life (and a very quiet inbox), but now I am free to meet someone new who will give me the time and attention that the exes would not. It’s all about allowing yourself to move on with your life and not looking back.
How do you usually cope with a breakup?
- Move on cold turkey with no calls, texts, or contact whatsoever
- Try to stay friends as best as you can
- Be distant but keep in contact somewhat just in case you decide to try again down the road
- Quickly find someone else to distract yourself from the pain
Don’t Romanticize the Past
One of the biggest pitfalls we have after a breakup is romanticizing the past. We remember all of those wonderful things our ex did for us and how great it felt to spend time with them. Keep in mind that your relationship is now over and everything was not always so great after all. We have all heard the cliche that “Love is Stronger than Hate”. That is possibly true and I am not telling you to hate your ex at all. However, take a moment to write down all of the reasons that your relationship failed. Don’t make excuses for either of you. Be honest and focus only on the negative aspects of being in your relationship. Read those to yourself anytime you feel the need to text your ex or find a tear building up in your eye. Focus on the reasons why it is over instead of how great it used to be.
What If I Never Find Anyone Like Them Again?
I am sure that most of us have asked this question at least once in our lives. When you think about it, the answer should bring a smile to your face and maybe even a chuckle. Your relationship ended, remember? You don’t want someone like them anyway. Demand someone BETTER. A close friend of mine once told me to “Know your own value, then add tax !”. I remember those words every single time that I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what is wrong with me.
The wisest thing I have learned after 30 years of dating is that the best time to let go of your ex is right at this moment. Not tomorrow, not after an apology text, and not after some long goodbye message on Facebook. Let go right now.
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