13 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Work Out and It’s Time to End It

When your relationship is doomed, there are almost always signs your relationship won’t work out that you are overlooking.

Here’s one from one of my readers. Enjoy!

It can come as a shock when a relationship ends. You think things are going great, then boom, a breakup right out of the blue. The thing is, it didn’t happen out of the blue. In the moment, it’s so surprising that things were ending because it’s easier to ignore all the signs your relationship won’t work out.

Of course, some breakups really do come out of the blue. More often than not though, there were signs your relationship wouldn’t work out that you just didn’t see.

That’s what I’m here for. I went through the shock of multiple breakups and went to therapy and worked through what happened in those relationships so that you have an easier time managing yours.

So, what are the signs your relationship won’t work out?

Why you’re worried your relationship won’t work out

Before we even get into the signs your relationship won’t last, if you are looking for signs you will find some. If you look hard enough you will find signs like this in any and every relationship.

The fact that you’re actively looking for these signs means you already know that your relationship has its share of problems. You just want reassurance that it isn’t doomed.

It may not be, but these signs can point you in the right direction.

Signs your relationship won’t work out

Relationships are all different shapes and sizes. Some are more stable and others aren’t. That doesn’t make one better than the other or more likely to work out.

But, sometimes things happen that reveal the subtle signs your relationship won’t work out. You can work on these things and hope to change what these signs point towards or you can see these red flags for what they are, caution signs to make a change.

#1 You’re not keen to see each other. Relationships, no matter how old, should ignite at least some level of excitement. You should look forward to seeing each other, not dread it. If making plans to see one another feels more like a requirement more than a fun date with your significant other, that is not a good sign.

#2 Your fights are always risking a breakup. Fights, arguments, disagreements, all happen in relationships. The difference between that and fights that nearly ended in a breakup is trust.

In a healthy relationship, a couple knows this is temporary. They will still be there for each other when the fight ends. In a relationship that won’t work out, fights contain threats of ending the relationship which is disrespectful and manipulative.

#3 You put them first. You might think that putting your partner first is a good thing, but it isn’t. Yes, we all make compromises. But if you continuously put your partner’s needs above your own, you are not only becoming codependent but steering into dangerous territory. 

#4 You almost cheat. Yes, some relationships survive cheating. A sign that yours won’t is that you are often on the verge of cheating. You may think you’ll never actually act on it or cross the line, but getting that close is not a good sign for your relationship.

#5 You look forward to spending time apart. When your boo is going away for a week on business, you would expect to miss them. If you can’t wait to have some time away from them, that doesn’t shed a flattering light on your relationship.

If you are still together and craving time apart, it will only get worse.

#6 You don’t talk. Talking and communication are key to a relationship that lasts. I don’t mean talking about the weather or the recycling. Talking about your feelings, working through things together, planning for the future. These things should be present for you to feel that your relationship brings joy to your life. 

#7 You have the same fights. If you keep having the same fights repeatedly, there is an underlying problem that is not being addressed. These fights could start with someone not doing the dishes, but if it always ends on the same topic, you either need to face it and make a decision or go your separate ways.

#8 They don’t get along with the people in your life. I know our partners don’t always get along with the in-laws. Most can swallow their pride and enjoy a nice holiday. If your friends and family cannot hold back their disdain for your partner, that is a bad sign. They are seeing something you’re missing.

Hear them out. These are people you trust. Their opinions matter. They want what is best for you, so go in with an open mind.

#9 They are rude to others. Maybe your partner is the sweetest person you know, but when you go out, they have a bit of a rude streak. If they are rude to your friends, servers, cab drivers, or anyone else, that is not a good sign. Someone who can change their personality or attitude so quickly is showing a lot of red flags.

#10 The jealousy never stops. If you are jealous of your partner’s friends, job, or ex, it will slowly eat away at the foundation of your relationship. The same goes if they are jealous of you. If you don’t trust each other, nothing will save your relationship.

#11 They ghost you on and off. A healthy relationship is based on trust but also has consistent communication. This will differ with every relationship. If your partner disappears for days at a time, that is not a good sign. Not only are they not clueing you in or easing your worries, but you could drive yourself crazy.

#12 Their social media habits changed. I don’t usually put a lot of weight into social media, but if you and your partner do, it could be a sign. If you always post pictures of each other but those posts decline or get replaced with friends and activities you’re doing apart, that could be a sign of where your true focus is.

#13 You just feel it. Unlucky number 13 is your gut. This is the big one. This is the one that may not have a quantifiable definition or proof. It is all about a feeling. This is just you feeling something is off.

I’ve had this feeling the night before one of my worst breakups. What did I do? I shut it down. I convinced myself I was being crazy and overreacting until the next day my boyfriend at the time was acting strange. Right before he broke up with me I said, “are you breaking up with me?” He looked shocked that I said it.

My gut feeling just knew. There were no signs. In fact, a few days before he insisted I was the best thing that ever happened to him. So, sometimes you should trust your gut. But, what you do from there is up to you.

The signs your relationship won’t work out can be obvious and avoided, or subtle and found. Sometimes they aren’t there at all. Use these signs as a guide and do what you think is right, for you and your partner.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Don’t Break Up With Anyone Until You’ve Truthfully Answered These 8 Questions

No one ever goes into a relationship thinking that they’ll break up. Still, over the course of your dating life, you’ll probably either be dumped or do the dumping at some point.

When you are put into the position of breaking up with someone, the situation can get awkward real fast.

So how do you know when to break up with someone? No breakup happens overnight and it usually stems from repressed feelings or realizations that a relationship just isn’t working.

If you’re asking yourself “should we break up?” before you make the decision to part ways, consider these deep questions go ask yourself that will make the breakup as smooth as possible, especially if you don’t exactly know when it’s time to break up.

There may be a few tears and unbearable silences, but with time and wine, you will both survive.

1. Why do I want to break up with this person?

This may seem like an obvious question and one your friends will inevitably ask (to which you’ll have a rehearsed response).

Outlining in bullet points or even writing down the reasons for breaking up can help you feel validated in your decision. It can even be as simple as writing a pros and cons list for breaking up.

This is especially helpful for those who go back and forth between wanting to break up with their significant other and staying with them. Seeing your own feelings written out can give you a sudden epiphany like, “Why didn’t we break up sooner?”

And if you feel comfortable, confiding in a family member or friend who has no personal stake in the matter can help you feel more confident in your decision.

2. Is there a way to work out the issues in the relationship?

No relationship is perfect. Identifying the problems together, whether they be trust issues or lack of passion, will help you both come up with a plan to tackle the problems.

Do you feel like your relationship lacks heat? Are there feelings of jealousy from either end? Discuss what (or who) is making either of you angry or uncomfortable.

Was there infidelity in the relationship? Maybe counseling is an option if you both still love each other and want to make it work.

Regardless of what the outcomes may be, clear communication from both parties will be the best closure to any breakup.

3. Will I regret the decision?

Right before you break the bad news to someone, you might get cold feet. And even after, you may feel like the villain for ending things.

Second-guessing your decision for breaking up is only natural, but if you nudge yourself to think of the reasons for ending the relationship (see question one) and you know you both tried your best to keep it going (see question two) then you will not regret parting ways.

4. What will life be like post-breakup?

Imagining your day-to-day without the person you’re used to seeing 24/7 is heartbreaking. Just even thinking about it might make you want to reconsider breaking up.

We rely a lot on our partners to listen to our rants and musings (that not even our friends would care about) and designate them as our automatic adventure buddies. To lose this aspect in a breakup is devastating. But things will get better.

Being single means you’ll see your friends more, attend those extra happy hours (which you would have previously skipped for your SO) and pay more attention to your own happiness and well-being. It may seem scary, but alone time is quite often the best time.

5. How should I do it?

So you’re 100 percent committed to ending things. The question is how you should break up with the other person.

We’ve all heard stories of breakups that ended with just a text or with one person ghosting the other, but when you legitimately care about someone, these options seem harsh and unforgivable.

The best and least confusing way to break up with someone is to tell them in person. The conversation can happen in your home, in a coffee shop, at a park, or anywhere that is semiprivate enough for a serious conversation but also public enough so that the person getting dumped can escape right away.

If you hate confrontation and think you might break out in tears during the conversation, consider writing everything in a letter and then reading it out loud. Or make talking points on your phone and make sure you stick to them.

The point is to be clear and confident in expressing your emotions and needs.

6. What should I say?

If you haven’t talked about breaking up already, then you can easily blindside the other person when you do bring it up.

In this situation, you should ask your partner how he or she thinks the relationship is going and then state your honest feelings about where you see things heading. You may be surprised that the other side might end up agreeing with you.

To avoid the “we’re all thinking it, but no one said it” situation, be the one to say it. If you want to break up and not keep in contact, state that. If you want to break up but leave the door open in the future, say that.

Of course, you should let the other person down as gently as you can and give them time to absorb the information, but don’t sugarcoat your feelings or the situation.

7. Should I leave the door open for getting back together in the future?

This one is tricky because leaving the door open to getting back together might not provide either side with the closure you both need.

It’s perfectly fine to both go your separate ways and still remain in touch. The key is to know when and how to stay in contact.

This doesn’t mean you can check up on your ex every week or have your ex treat you like you’re both in a relationship (when clearly you’re not).

It takes two mature adults to break up and get back together and if this seems like the right decision for you, go for it. If you don’t find the arrangement working, though, you’ll have to speak up about it and it may feel like you’re breaking up all over again.

8. What have I learned from this relationship?

A breakup doesn’t constitute a failed relationship. Every person you date is a chance to learn a little more about yourself and what you want in a partner.

Try seeking out the positives of every experience, and who knows, you could one day start a blog or write a book about all your misadventures. There are many women and men out there who can relate to breakups and heartaches. You’re not alone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

The Importance Of Intimacy For Women Over 50

Humans are social creatures and need to have intimacy in their lives. The problem is that as we age, intimacy starts to become hard to come by. When a woman over 50 lacks intimacy it can have profound negative effects on their life. They tend to withdraw socially, have lower self-esteem and increased anxiety.

Intimacy can take many forms and all of them are essential to having a healthy life emotionally and physically in our twilight years. In fact, an increase in intimacy can add years to a person’s life as they age.

Here LivingBetter50 discusses what intimacy can mean and why it’s so important to women over 50.

What is intimacy

There are many ways that people are intimate. The most obvious way is sexual as sex covers many of the aspects of intimacy rolled into one act. Yes, the elderly should also be sexually active as it promotes good mental and physical health. There are some obstacles to being sexually active as a senior citizen and sometimes enhancements from something called Kamagra, or Viagra are needed. But, whatever it takes to be more sexually active is fine.

Intimacy involves touching and being touched. The feeling of closeness with another person, whether it is a family member or spouse, is very important.

Improves health

Being intimate is a wonderful way to improve your health at any age. When you are older it is no different. In fact, having sex regularly can add years to your life. It is good for heart health and can help prevent cardiovascular disease. It reduces stress which directly increases our health. Stress can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease. Even the risk of stroke is higher when you have a lot of stress.

Just like exercise, it releases endorphins which help reduce pain and inflammation. As we get older, joints are often a source of pain. That can be reduced by having more regular sex.

Reduces depression

The elderly are at high risk of depression. Many people find themselves lacking a purpose if they don’t have much family around and no longer work. Being more intimate can help keep depression at bay. It boosts self-esteem and the endorphins released help reduce anxiety. Hugging, caressing and sex can all be forms of therapy.

Intimacy can often lead to having more sex. Usually, when older people start having sex, they also become more active in general. Being active is a key to warding off depression.

Appreciating your body again

Many older people think they are no longer attractive and sex is no longer an option because of that. It only takes having sex a few times to feel better about yourself physically. There is no doubt that our bodies change considerably when we get old. But, that doesn’t have to mean that there is nothing attractive. Feeling attractive again is a wonderful feeling and helps to improve many areas of life.

Suddenly looking in the mirror is pleasant!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If You’re Going To Start Dating Someone New, Remember These 5 Things

So, you’ve gone on a handful of dates, and you’re pretty sure you found your person. Your besties are getting a little bored of hearing you gush about them, but TBH, you could care less — right now, the possibilities are endless for your budding romance, and you couldn’t be more excited. If you’re going to start dating someone new, note that there will likely be a whirlwind of emotions that can feel thrilling and perhaps a tad terrifying all at once. Before you get caught up in all the confusing feels, there are certain things you should keep in mind in order to keep both feet firmly planted on the ground.

One of the most important things to remember while you’re getting to know your new boo is to have fun. After all, this is one of the most exhilarating phases of your relationship. Every single experience you share and story you tell is totally new to both of you. You have so many firsts to look forward to together — from cooking a meal and cheering on your favorite sports team to hosting a party and hitting up a farmer’s market. It can be easy to get overwhelmed with nerves or obsessing about the future. But it’s oh so important to stay in the moment as much as possible because you can’t get these first few months back, and they’re bound to be brimming with memorable moments.

Here are some other things you’ll want to remember, too, in order to ensure that your relationship is off to a rock solid start.

New relationship anxiety is real.

Sergey Filiminov/Stocksy

Currently, I’m very grateful to be in a secure, healthy relationship. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some major anxiety in the early stages of dating my current boyfriend. I felt as if I was continually waiting for the other shoe to drop — and as such, I was hyper-alert to any possible sign that our relationship was going to end. If he was annoyed or upset about something, I immediately feared it was over. It was nothing short of exhausting. As it turns out, this new relationship anxiety is so real, and lots of people let their fear of abandonment creep in. Not only does this take a toll on your mental health, but it can also put a strain on the relationship.

Remember: It’s totally normal to be a little nervous when you’re dating someone new. Particularly if your feelings are very strong, you may feel a bit paranoid that it’s “too good to be true.” It’s good to acknowledge these fears, and even talk them out. But giving in to them slowly strips away your happiness, and your ability to totally open your heart to your new boo with reckless abandon. Try to keep in mind that whatever is meant to be, will be. Anxiety isn’t really productive, because it’s a fear around something that hasn’t even happened yet. Focus on being present rather than worrying about what’s down the road, and your relationship will blossom to its full potential.

Keep the past in the past.

Lauren Naefe/Stocksy

We all have baggage. Whether you’ve only dated one person for a few months or you’ve had three long-term relationships, there’s no doubt that your previous experiences can shape everything from how easily you trust your new boo, to whether you’re skittish about saying “I love you.” Here’s the thing, however. It’s super important to make an effort to leave the past in the past. Every person, and therefore every relationship is unique. So, while it may be tempting to compare your new partner to your ex, it doesn’t do either of you any good. Additionally, it’s easy to start jumping to conclusions based on an ex’s behavior, but that isn’t fair to bae. They’re a different person, and they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

To clarify, you shouldn’t forget about the past — in fact, it’s safe to say that’s straight-up impossible. But if you catch yourself starting to draw comparisons to your ex or letting your past experiences affect your new relationship, it’s time to work on carving out a clean slate.

Be alert to red flags.

Viktor Solomin/Stocksy

It’s super easy to get a bit blinded by love in those first few months of your relationship. When you’re falling for someone, there’s a rush of neurochemicals in your brain that make you feel something akin to an addiction to your newfound boo. As such, you’re laser-focused on all of their positive traits, so it can be slightly more difficult to recognize red flags. That’s why it can be helpful to identify a few dealbreakers that you can stay alert to, and check in with trusted friends or family members for their unbiased opinion if something feels “off.”

For example, if you know you need a certain amount of space and your new boo doesn’t seem to be respecting your boundaries, that’s something to pay attention to. Or, if you caught your partner snooping in your phone or lying about their whereabouts, those are behaviors that you definitely shouldn’t ignore. None of these issues necessarily warrant ending your relationship. The point is, it can be tempting to look the other way or minimize these kinds of problems when you’re in a new relationship because your excitement and happiness are so overwhelming that it drowns out your internal alert system. Make it a point to have those tough conversations if your new boo is doing something that bothers you — doing so will actually strengthen your bond and ultimately allow you to have a healthier foundation for your relationship. Most importantly, remember to trust your gut instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you, that’s all you need to know.

Don’t fall into the social media stalking trap.

VISUALSPECTRUM/Stocksy

There’s so much to learn about someone when you’re just starting to date them. Social media, unfortunately, makes it all too easy to gather information about your new SO. But before you start eagerly clicking around their Instagram feed, Twitter history, and Facebook albums, try to exercise some self-control.

First off, it’ll likely be slightly embarrassing when you let it slip that you already know all of their sibling names and their high school football uniform number (woof). Secondly, you may actually jump to some inaccurate conclusions based on the information you find. For example, when you stumble upon pics of them with their ex, you may start making assumptions about their relationship that can trigger some serious insecurities about your own. You don’t need that right now. You should be focusing your energy on the bond you’re building, not one that your boo had five years ago.

One of the best parts about dating someone new is slowly getting to know them — all of their hopes, fears, goals, and life experiences. So, give your partner the chance to share that information on their terms, in their own time, rather than trying to play sleuth. Trust me: It’ll be more rewarding to hear about all of these things from them, anyway.

Don’t lose yourself.

Jennifer Brister/Stocksy

In a new relationship, it’s totally normal to feel like you want to spend every waking moment with bae. But it’s crucial to keep up with your own interests, hobbies, and friendships, as well. Not only does this help to mitigate some of that aforementioned anxiety, because you’re not putting as much pressure on your new relationship, but it also ensures you maintain some of your independence, and that’s key to a healthy bond.

If fitness is a big part of your life, keep up with those classes on a weekly basis. If you had made it a point to practice playing guitar every day before you starting dating your current boo, don’t neglect that just because you’re in a relationship now. Having these kinds of outlets will help to strengthen your sense of self-esteem and identity, which will ultimately make you a better partner in the long run.

Without a doubt, diving headfirst into a new relationship is one of the most invigorating human experiences you can have. And here’s one more thing to keep in mind: You deserve every ounce of this nauseating bliss — particularly if you’ve experienced some heartbreak and hurt in the past. Embarking on a fresh start with someone new allows you to re-shape your perspective on romance, learn new things about yourself, and grow as an individual. So, trust the process, stay true to yourself, and try to enjoy the ride.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

23 Unromantic Signs That You’ve Found Your Soulmate

You have found your soulmate when your relationship bears these 23 Unromantic Signs

1.  You have great fun shopping grocery, going to the pharmacy, calculating and filing your taxes and even cleaning your house.

2.  More than romantic dinners, eating take away on your couch is something you enjoy.

3.  You love to eat whatever you like in their presence without having to care to look cute and that is what you enjoy the most being with them.

4.  You can’t help falling in love with them in their most unguarded moments. For example, when they sleep open-mouthed.

5.  And you are equally comfortable being yourself.

6.  While you appreciate each other when you dress up, your favorite version of each other is when you are in your sweatpants and old worn t-shirt.

7.  For you, their cards and casual notes are lovelier than any expensive gift they have given you.

8.  They don’t hesitate to ask you for help when they need it, and the same is for you.

9.  You don’t display your affection publicly, not as a principle but because you really don’t need to. You have those smiles and eye contact that let you communicate.

10.  They are there to pep you up when you are down but won’t coddle you.

11.  You can be open and even laugh about things related to your bodily functions.

12.  Sometimes attending a wedding is more about getting drunk and acting stupid for the sake of fun than the ceremony and the emotional toasts.

13.  A very significant indicator of a deep emotional bonding is the relationship lexicon, which both of you create. It’s personal and sweet as the words and phrases hold special meanings most of which no one understands.

14.  There is perhaps nothing that you don’t know about each other. You can answer 9/10 questions correctly about each other.

15.  Your ‘terms of endearment’ are different and seem like nicknames.

16.  You aren’t disgusted when they fall sick because you are too worried about them and just want to take care.

17.  You never shy away from expressing annoyance when you irritate each other. But both of you don’t get too serious over it.

18.  You can spend a lot of ties together without saying a word and still not feel it weird

19.  When you are with them you can completely relax and chill. You don’t need to think how to make the time more interesting or engage in small talk.

20.  You won’t do anything alone which your partner enjoys too. It’s a kind of betrayal, you think. Whether it is binge-watching a series or eating something, you would do it together and won’t break the deal ever.

21.  You get the regular supply of your favorite candy and snacks than you get flowers and you really like it that way.

22.  With them around you can burst into laughter in the most unlikely situations.

23.  You can spend a lazy day just being with each other than going for a more exciting date with someone else.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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