I get lots of letters for my “Dear Wendy” advice column from readers who are in ambiguous relationships. Sometimes they’ve been out a few times with someone but never end the date with anything more than a friendly handshake or quick peck on the cheek — or worse, an air kiss. Other times, the dates are a little more touchy-feely, but they’re few and far between with little to no communication between. And then, of course, there are the letters from people who only see their “significant others” at night, without much warning, and never in public. Hello, booty call! After the jump, I present to you the biggest tell-tale signs that it’s not a real relationship.
It’s not a real relationship if …
1. You don’t know his last name.
2. You haven’t seen him in the light of day.
3. You’ve known each other for less than two weeks.
4. Your friend asks what color hair your boyfriend has and you say, “I’m not sure. He’s wearing a hat in his profile picture.”
5. You’ve only been out once.
6. You’re both in town for New Year’s Eve, but you aren’t sure if you’re spending it together.
7. He’s on Facebook every day, but his profile still says he’s in a relationship with someone else.
8. You ask what he wants for Christmas and he says he’s only exchanging gifts with people he’s closest to this year.
9. You ask what his New Year’s resolution is and he says, “Quit using people just for sex.”
10. You’ve never gone out in public together.
11. He wears a wedding ring and he’s not married to you.
12. You have no idea where he lives.
13. You’ve never spent a single Friday or Saturday night together.
14. You send a text message and he replies, “Who’s this?”
15. You’ve never been sober together.
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