Brussel Sprouts

Philadelphia, PA – the Late 60s

When I was a kid I was a picky eater. I liked certain things but most of the stuff my mom served at dinner I didn’t find appetizing. My mom hated to cook but made my sisters and me three square meals a day for over 20 years.

She used to say, “I’d rather clean endless dirty dishes rather than have to cook.” But she always made sure we had a hot balanced meal every single night for dinner.

I liked breakfast and lunch as a kid. What kid wouldn’t like to eat Cap’n Crunch, toast, bacon, and orange juice every morning? I think that’s why to this day, breakfast is my absolute favorite meal of the day. Everything else is to simply quell the pangs of hunger in my stomach for the rest of the day.

Albert Einstein once said, “If I didn’t ever get this empty feeling in my stomach every few hours I’d never work.”

Someone once said to me, “I live to eat, but it seems like you just eat to live.” She was right. I love my daily breakfast, but other than that, food to me is simply fuel. It’s just something I have to get out of the way to continue my day. It almost feels like an interruption.

I have an acute sense of smell and taste and can enjoy the taste of many foods, but I only require a simple boring diet. If I could just take a pill and be full, I’d be fine. I think there’s too much focus on food in our culture anyway. All those endless dumb pictures on social media of what everybody is out drinking and eating. We get it. You like to go to restaurants and have somebody cook for you. You do it all the time. You probably have a lot of revolving debt.

Check it out:

5 world hunger facts you need to know

Anyway, the one food I hated as a kid was Brussel sprouts. Now, as I said my mom hated to cook. her role as wife, mother, cleaning lady and the overall servant was placed upon her when she married my dad. If you hate doing something, you’re never going to be any good at it. That’s a simple fact of life. People are good at things they like, right?

My mother had a few favorite dishes. She loved sweet potatoes, lima beans and I suppose Brussel sprouts.

I hated Brussel sprouts. That gross sauce on them. The leaves on the outer portion of the sprout, and the hard yellow interior. All gross to me. And the taste? Ecch!

So on one particular evening, I just couldn’t eat any more of these awful things. So I came up with a plan. I would create a distraction at the table, do a quick sleight of hand, and get one of those Brussell sprouts off my plate, into a napkin, and my pocket.

I got at least 4 off my plate without being caught that evening. I thought this was a great plan and would attempt to pull this move every time they were served from now on.

But like many of my plans back then, I was good at closing the sale, but not maintaining the account after I closed the deal. Where I usually failed was in the aftermath of the deed. There was no follow-up. I’ve pocketed the sprouts, got them in my pocket, had my dessert, and was away from the table.

What I should have done is go upstairs and flush them down the toilet to destroy the evidence. But for some stupid reason, I just shoved the napkins into some plastic cups I had in my room and forgot about them.

This poor follow-up had already failed during one of my other heists. So, a day or so later when my mom was collecting laundry or stripping the bedsheets she must have noticed the wadded-up napkins in the 7-Eleven Superhero cups in my room. She discovered my Brussel sprouts crime and thwarted my plan for any future campaigns.

I didn’t get in trouble for the act. I think my parents and sisters found it funny. My middle sister still laughs about it today.

But, to be honest, I’ve had Brussel sprouts prepared well in a fine restaurant as an adult, and you know what? They’re pretty good! I’ve also begun buying bags of frozen petite Brussel sprouts and I sautee them in a pan with some seasoning. They’re a wonderful, chewy, satisfying vegetable full of nutrients.

Let the master describe my feels towards some foods as a kid. Enjoy!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Phicklephilly – Freelance Commercial Writer

Happy New Year!

I’ve been writing this blog since 2016. In the beginning, it started as a hobby. A way for me to have a forum to tell stories about my dating and relationship exploits.

After about a year or so, I added the Dating and Relationship Advice articles to not only help my readers with their dating endeavors but to increase content which in turn, increased page views.

My goal was to at least reach 250k in page views by year 4. We achieved that goal early last year. During that time I added WordPress ads and was finally approved for Google AdSense. They run random ad buys on my site that generates revenue 24/7, 365 days a year.

So, all good. Between that and content links I place for advertisers, and banner ads I run on my site from clients and brands, it pays for the site.

But, when covid hit I found myself unemployed. No worries. Get paid by the government to write good content about my past and write and publish books? Yea, I’ll take that for a year and a half.

I knew that “grant money” would eventually run out and I’d probably have to go back to work in some form. But I had been in contact with a friend who was the former editor at a media site where we both worked several years ago.

She was building websites and writing articles for several businesses and was beginning to feel the stress of getting too many to write. So, she gave me the overflow. I had never written industry stuff in my life, so I was curious to see if I could get it done. But I figured, if I’ve been writing and publishing this blog for the last 5 years and have published 6 books, I’d probably be able to figure it out.

I started to write articles about subjects I knew little about. A solar panel company in Colorado, a stock photo company in Canada, skin and health care articles, lists of activities to do with your kids in Summer, storage facilities, a hot tub company, real estate and some IT stuff.

It was quite a challenge at first because it’s a completely new style and structure of writing I had ever done. But after a while, I picked it up, and off we went. It was at times a grinding experience and I really found out what it meant to be a commercial writer. It’s not sitting in the back of a bar sipping drinks and eating wings and writing about the girl I went on a date with last night. It’s not some cool romantic thriller novel born from my imagination.

It’s a daily 10 to 12 hour a day writing gig, with hard deadlines and many demands from clients. Sometimes I doubted myself but knew that if I stuck with it I could crank out quality content and get paid for it.

And I did.

The money’s good, and I’m going to see how long I can do this before I lose my mind.

Wish me luck!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. 

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Reasons Why You’re Single

Known as the “Logistician,” the ISTJ is super reliable, but that doesn’t mean this Myers-Briggs personality type doesn’t have disadvantages in dating.

A Logistician (ISTJ) is someone with Introverted, Observant, Thinking, and Judging personality traits.

ISTJs are some of the most organized and hard-working individuals out there. Out of all 16 personality types, the ISTJ is the most likely to be reliable and dependable in their everyday lives, and this includes their romantic relationships, where partners can always trust an ISTJ to stay loyal to them.

Yet sometimes this personality type known as the “Logistician” will face a certain set of relationship/dating struggles that are very specific to their MBTI. What are some of these specific issues that ISTJs face in their love lives? Scroll down to find out!

10. YOU AREN’T SUPER FIT FOR TODAY’S DATING WORLD

ISTJs are known for being traditional and conservative when it comes to their everyday lives, and this most certainly applies to their dating lives as well. Out of all the personality types, ISTJs are probably the least likely to go on frequent Tinder dates and they probably wouldn’t be super comfortable exchanging phone numbers with that random stranger at the bar.

If you are an ISTJ, you are classy and old-fashioned when it comes to your love life. Although this is an extremely admirable trait considering how high your standards are, it might be more difficult to find a partner in today’s day and age where most people are falling in love after swiping right on an app.

9. YOU CAN BE A BIT TOO UPTIGHT ON YOUR DATES

Although ISTJs can be a total blast when they are hanging out with the right crowd, if they aren’t fully comfortable with a date yet, they can easily go into “uptight mode” where they become a bit rigid and reserved during inappropriate times, such as date night or at a social gathering.

It is important as an ISTJ to figure out when it is necessary to let loose so you can make the people around you feel more relaxed. While being uptight can sometimes be a good thing because it means you are thoughtful and cautious, in the wrong setting, it can be a bit of a disadvantage, especially when it comes to your dating life.

8. YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF DATING

When it comes to casual dating, there is one goal in mind — to have fun. Dating, especially in the early stages, is all about enjoying the other person’s company. During the first couple of dates you go on, your person of interest simply wants to see if you are exciting enough to hang out with again.

It’s important to remember that dates will only run smoothly if you are able to let loose and enjoy yourself. As an ISTJ, you can sometimes get so wrapped up in your own thoughts, that you might be overthinking things. This can cause self-doubt, and it will end up putting a damper on what should be a fun time.

7. YOU CAN BE TOO SERIOUS

You can save all of the serious stuff for school or the office. For now, go ahead and let your hair down! Dating is a drag when the two people involved are taking the night way too seriously. While being serious and using logistics will get you extremely far in life, if you are too careful and prim on your dates, your partner might be calling, “check please!”  before they’ve even served the bread bowl.

While ISTJs are capable of being the life of the party when they are with their favorite people, it might be more difficult for them to be this care-free on their dates. If you are an ISTJ and you’re struggling to mellow out while on a date, there is a good chance you’re simply not with the right person. The right person will make you feel comfortable and relaxed no matter how nervous you might have been at first.

6. YOU CAN BE RATHER CONTROLLING WITHOUT REALIZING IT

If you are an ISTJ, there is a chance that you might have been labeled as a “control freak” at some point in your life. It’s not that you have any desire to control other people with malicious intent, because that is usually never the case for the ISTJ who has no desire for conflict. But you might end up controlling your partner without realizing it because, with your dutiful and task-oriented personality, you could very easily end up scolding your partner if they didn’t do something as simple as putting their socks in the right drawer.

5. YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO FIND A PARTNER WHOSE VALUES MATCH YOUR OWN

As stated before, the ISTJ personality type tends to be rather old-fashioned in comparison to most. They often honor a sense of structure as well as predictability when it comes to their romantic relationships. While it is possible to find a partner with similar values as you, in the year 2020, fewer and fewer people are taking the traditional route when it comes to their dating lives and this could be a bit of a challenge for the ISTJ personality type.

People are getting married much later, some don’t want to get married at all, and others want to be in a loving relationship with multiple people at once. This could make the ISTJ feel rather uncomfortable and out of place, so it’s important that you as the “Logistician” seek out a partner who shares the same set of values as you do.

4. YOU NEVER GIVE YOURSELF ENOUGH OPPORTUNITIES TO MEET PEOPLE

It’s a walk in the park for extroverts when it comes to meeting new people. All they have to do is stroll into their local bar and chat up that cutie who caught their eye, and voila, they have a date. In this modern world, it’s even easy for the shyest personalities to score a night out in the town with a person of interest because of all these dating apps.

Yet because ISTJs prefer meeting their potential partners in a more traditional setting and they are not super likely to go out to the local bars so they can “chat someone up,” they end up limiting themselves. It is a lot more difficult to meet “the one” if you don’t even allow yourself the opportunity to put yourself out there.

3. YOU PUT MORE FOCUS ON WORK THAN YOUR PARTNER

ISTJs tend to put their work before everything. This is why they make such brilliant students or employees because they are so dedicated to their assignments that they will put everything else in their lives aside in order to get the job done.

Sometimes this personality type runs the risk of neglecting their significant other for the sake of their one true love: their job. If you are an ISTJ and you struggle with this, it is important that you seek balance when it comes to your work life and your social life. After all, balance is always key.

2. YOU PREFER BEING ON YOUR OWN

Let’s be honest — the ISTJ personality type can spend days on their own and never feel like they’re missing out on much because they are so preoccupied with all of the brilliant thoughts that are working through their head. ISTJs often enjoy the comfort of being on their own and sometimes they don’t even feel as though they need a romantic partner to fulfill them because they are already perfectly fulfilled with their everlasting knowledge.

1. YOU JUST HAVEN’T FOUND YOUR IDEAL PERSON YET

The reason you are a single ISTJ may simply be due to the fact that you haven’t met “the one” yet. Once you find your perfect match, the love of your life will not see any of your common relationship struggles as flaws, but instead, they will regard them as endearing little quirks. It is important that you keep your head up high and remember that the perfect person is out there. All you have to do is allow yourself the courage to find them.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Why Older Men Choose Younger Women (Even When You’re A Much Better Match)

Hint: It has nothing to do with looks…

Most single women in their 30s and 40s are sick and tired of guys their age dating younger girls.

How many of us can relate to being dumped by a guy who said he wasn’t ready, only to find out that he proposed to someone else? Someone younger, of course…

So many women are fed up with guys who keep getting older, but never stop dating 25 year-olds.

Why do older men like younger women instead of women their own age?

You would think that a 45-year-old man would want a relationship with a woman at least somewhat close in age. Wouldn’t they want someone who has a similar life experience, who has some maturity and a similar level of intellectual development?

But a lot of times, they don’t seem to.

In fact, research shows that, at all ages, women prefer men who are close to them in age, while for men, the ideal age for women remains a consistent 22-years-old.

Many single women who are otherwise successful, beautiful, and talented find themselves passed over for younger women.

I wanted to know why, so I asked a real-life example of a guy who does this.

Peter (whose name has been changed for the sake of privacy) is a 43-year-old, highly successful divorcee who has been dating 23-year-olds since he was 36.

Peter is perfect for this conversation because he has no filters and will tell you exactly what he thinks — void of all emotions and social values.

Be warned, his comments are very offensive and I disagree with his statements. However, you can extrapolate invaluable insights into how to attract successful high-quality men.

Please stop reading unless you are prepared to see through the harsh words and understand the underlying reason for his statements.

Here’s one man’s candid explanation of the reasons men like dating younger women instead of women their own age:

“Look, I stay away from the zones. The late 20s is the Zone of Anxiety and the 30s is the Zone of Bitterness.

“Women in their late twenties walk around with a ticking time bomb. Every minute takes them closer to their 30s where everything goes downhill and they get closer to being alone the rest of their lives with a thousand cats.

“Society tells them that having a good relationship sets the foundation of their life and all their friends are getting married so they walk around in their head thinking:

  • Are you the one?
  • Are you committed?
  • Are you going to marry me?
  • When are you going to propose?
  • How do I get you to propose?

“It is a lot of pressure. Who wants that! The fun of just dating is gone. They are on a mission.

“Plus many of them don’t even know what they want. They just want to be proposed to because it is a badge of honor as if their self-worth is tied to whether the guy will propose to them or not.

“Thirty-year-olds have a compounded set of issues. Not only are they still in a rush to get married, but they are also often bitter. Like they’ve been chewed up by the dating game and are pretending to be optimistic all the while harboring a secret hatred and disillusionment of men.

“Deep down, many of them think men suck, they never commit, and all the good men are gone or taken.

“Each time they meet men they think:

  • Are you going to hurt me?
  • Are you another loser?
  • Are you another time-waster?
  • What are your issues?
  • Why haven’t you settled down yet? Or why did you get divorced?

“They are sick of dating and just want to find anyone and get this dating and marriage thing over with. Check!

“Plus I’ve heard when faced with a good catch, some pretend to be on birth control and get pregnant accidentally to trap a man.

“To top it all off, many women in their 30s are very successful in their own right thus I even have to prove my intellectual and business success. I want a woman, not a business colleague. I get plenty of stress and competition at work. The young ones are googly-eyed, easily impressed, fun, and free-spirited. They don’t pressure me consciously or subconsciously to get married and have kids.

“Whatever happened to light-hearted fun?”

My takeaway from this real-life dating “psychopath”?

Why do men your age like younger women instead of women in their own age group like you?

It is all about your attitude.

All those gripes above were about a woman’s attitude and mindset, and how that makes him feel. He never mentioned — not once — the issue of looks or body type.

Having the right attitude is the key to attracting and keeping the man of your dreams.

Here are eight important questions to ask yourself about your own attitude towards men and relationships:

  • Do you love and appreciate men and their differences?
  • Do you harbor resentment towards men for the hurt they have caused?
  • Are you afraid or cynical about relationships or marriage?
  • How do you see yourself?
  • Why do you want to get married?
  • Why do you like this particular man?
  • Are you having fun?
  • Do you feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally with or without a man?

High-value men have a lot going for them and are looking for a high-value catch. Someone who will make their lives better. Who are hopeful, optimistic, and have great and wonderful things ahead of them.

Your attitude and energy will either lift a guy up or bring him down.

Unless a man feels like his life will be better by marrying you, he will not do it.

Instead, as the world is his oyster, he will opt for what is easy — the breath of fresh air a young girl who is fun and light gives.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

6 Signs A Woman Is Using You

Narcissists aren’t the only ones who show textbook signs of narcissism. Some of us self-described “normal” folk are just as guilty. Each day you likely pass by a woman or man who engages in this very behavior.

The lengths that some people go to to get what they want is truly extraordinary. Some cheat and fight their way to a better job, more money, and nice stuff. Others manipulate and coerce people to get what they want.

Of course, this manipulation often occurs in romantic relationships. In the typical case, males will use females for sex and power, and women will use the male for attention, gifts, and security. However, the typical case doesn’t shed any light on the complex psychological factors that enable – even empower – such behavior.

The number of men that use women (and vice-versa) is likely quite comparable. There is no evidence to suggest that one gender uses the other more or less often. The same applies to same-sex relationships.

In this article, we’re going to focus on when a woman is the “user.”

So why does a woman decide to use someone in the context of a relationship?

Using psychological research and first-hand accounts, we’ll attempt to answer this question. We’ll also talk about how these psychological underpinnings manifest into observable actions by talking about six signs that a woman may be using you.

Let’s get to it!

The Psychology of Manipulation

“The art of manipulation is not about making people do what you want them to do but rather getting them to want to do what you want them to do.” ~ Psychology Behind (source)

Dr. George Simon is one of the world’s foremost experts on the psychology of manipulation. Simon’s testimony of just how he came to specialize in this field is quite telling of the effects of manipulation.

According to Simon, he frequently counseled people suffering from gaslighting syndrome, though it was not known by that name at the time.

Per Psychology Today, gaslighting syndrome (or simply ‘gaslighting’) is a form of psychological abuse that causes one to “doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self worth.”

At first, Simon didn’t know the root cause of perplexed, depressed, traumatized mind state affecting many of his patients. “They felt crazy, but they couldn’t pinpoint why,” says Dr. Simon, “However there was always someone in their life which they just knew at some gut level there was something wrong with … And that made them confused, angry, depressed, and feeling pretty crazy.”

Okay, so we know of the psychological effects of manipulation, but what about its causes? Of course, we must peek inside the mind of a chronic manipulator to come up with some semblance of an answer.

According to Simon, covert-aggression lies at the heart of manipulation. Manipulative people are very adept at initiating conflict that is subtle, if not undetectable.

Covert-aggression is not to be confused with passive-aggression. Passive-aggression, as the name implies, involves the use of passive emotions to resist harmony. Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include the “silent treatment,” deliberate sullenness, putting, whining, and intentionally “forgetting” with the intent of inflicting emotional harm.

Covert-aggression, meanwhile, is not passive but active. Covert aggressives use calculated, deliberate, underhanded tactics to achieve their aim. Meanwhile, a gifted covert-aggressive person finely veils their intentions to go unnoticed.

More about how to detect and overcome covert-aggressive actions later. Let’s get to the main topic: six signs that a woman is using you.

6 Signs a Woman is Using You

  • She lets you know (seriously)

This first sign of outright manipulation is ironic. The actions implicating the person are astoundingly obvious, yet are somehow effective.

Recently, this writer was watching a dating show when a contestant made some ridiculously audacious statements. Here were some of the flummoxing utterances from this conniver:

– “I’d like for the person I’m dating to let me travel the world.”

– “I would d like for him to know how to cook because I don’t.”

– “I’d like to be supported and taken care of, so I don’t have to work.”

Then there’s this gem. When asked about traveling the world with her husband, she said “Okay, but it’s fine if he has to work. I can just go by myself.”

What did the poor sap who had to live through this ridiculous interchange do? Absolutely nothing! In fact, he agreed to go out with her!

Now, we can only speculate as to the man’s motivations/outright lack of awareness. But this may very well be a scenario where a near-absence of attention, poor listening skills, or a combination of the above leads to a life of abject misery.

Active listening, men!

  • She Always Has the Last Say

The second sign that a woman is using you is that she always has the final say. She cares little to nothing about what you want to do, where you want to go, or anything else. Before you can say, “It would be nice if just that once…” she is getting ready.

She got her way. Again.

This isn’t normal or healthy. Every true, wholesome romantic relationship is built on compromise. Both people should not only feel a need to forfeit decision-making authority to their partner from time-to-time but want to do so out of love and respect.

The fact that she is either unwilling or unable to meet you halfway on anything is a sure sign that she is using you.

  • She Pays Little Attention To You

While it is true that each person shows their affection in different ways, showing little interest or care towards your partner isn’t a good sign.

Think about it. Most of our lives, we’re away at work or handling this or that responsibility. The little free time that we do have is precious. As such, how a person spends their free time is quite telling of what they ultimately value.

If your lady seems to spend more time doing just about anything else than paying attention to you, something’s amiss.

  • People Clue You In

Expert manipulators are incredibly subtle and selective in their tactics. As you are her target, she is going to do anything she can to draw and hold that veil over your eyes.

Of course, she can’t do this with everybody all the time. Unless she’s a textbook narcissist (which is certainly a possibility!)

Instead, what usually happens is that the ice queen drops her guard around other people. For those that she isn’t interested in getting anything out of, she may just bear all. Or maybe she won’t. Either way, if multiple people are coming to you only to voice their concerns, there’s likely something you’ve overlooked.

  • She Doesn’t Value Your Time

Another possible sign that a woman is using you is if she doesn’t value your time. Maybe she shows up late, cancels plans, or always insists that you cater to her schedule. Regardless, not valuing someone’s time is at best a sign of disrespect, and at worst a display of contempt.

A woman who doesn’t value your time isn’t worth the trouble. And she may just be using you.

  • She Sends Mixed Signals

We’re all familiar with how it feels to received mixed signals from someone. It doesn’t feel good. Especially when you’re falling for someone, and they refuse to acknowledge or contemplate the future of your relationship.

It’s never okay to demonstrate your love and affection for someone only to shun any dialogue about commitment. Worse still, is being open to future possibilities one day while practicing escapism the next.

Whether or not she is using you is almost beside the point at the stage. As this sort of behavior is an outright display of emotional immaturity, it’s probably best to move on.

Final Thoughts: Listen To Your Instincts

“Learning how to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life’s many battles has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I’ve worked.”

~ George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. (Simon, 2010)

This Final Thoughts section is above detecting and overcoming covert-aggressive behavior in any social setting and in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise, by paying attention to your instincts.

Let’s go back to what Dr. Simon says about victims of manipulation feeling “at some gut level there was something wrong with” a person who they reveal was driving them near-crazy. In many scenarios where manipulation is present, the victim admits to having a gut sense that something is wrong.

It is therefore vital that we not discard our instincts about a person.

Unfortunately, feelings of guilt often arise whenever we call to question someone else’s motives. This is especially true if the potential manipulator is someone for whom we care.

It is possible to think objectively about gut feelings that arise. Set aside your feelings and ask a few simple questions like:

– Would I ever treat someone that I love this way?

– Do I feel genuinely cared for?

– How do they react when I’m honest with my thoughts and feelings?

When answering these questions, listen not only to your mind but also to your heart. They will lead you to the truth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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