Despite everything else that’s been going on, I was still focused on my last (and probably final) encounter with Kita.
I thought back on our relationship all the while dating Cherie and cheating on her with other women.
Was Kita just another notch in the bedpost that was my life now?
No. She’s a sweet girl I really like and want to help.
But who am I kidding? As nice and as charming and as moral as I am, I’m just the best shark wrapped in wolf’s clothing dressed as a lamb.
What have I done?
I really liked little Kita. I guided her as best I could with all of the knowledge and wisdom about dating and relationships.
She would blow up my phone on my day off about her problems with her silly boyfriends. I was there for her. I got her pepper spray. Snacks, knowing she’d be in to enjoy them. Lunches. Dinner dates. Treats to send her off with at Christmas break.
I did everything a good boyfriend should do for his girl. But she wasn’t my girlfriend.
I did these things because I fell in love with her. A 22-year-old girl.
Her dad is busy and is never around. Her mom put her on antidepressants to deal with her. She’s obsessed with tanning.
This is damaged girl.
I just wanted to help her navigate her life because she had no experience in the ways of romance.
But in doing so. I made her mine.
Sure, when I laid eyes on her I was immediately attracted to this cute, fit little Asian beauty, but that was nothing more than the passing phicklephilly lust. I never saw all of the gifts and dates we experienced. Not in a million years.
Or did I?
Is this what I do now?
I’ve always been attracted to younger women my whole life. Is this how I do it now? I protect, shelter, counsel and then covet these young girls?
Now I don’t know.
If you read the entire Kita series I think you can see a real interest and care for my subject. But rather quickly once she awakens from her folly she submits to me. I never elude to it or ask for it. I never had to in my life. I’ve always been disgusted by men trying to get sex from women in their life. It’s always seemed so clumsy to me.
Every time I’ve ever been intimate with a woman it’s always been relinquished to me without request. I think that’s how it should always be.
It’s her choice.
She decides she wants you.
You can never take her or press her no matter how much you want to. If you’re a good man, she’ll yield to you.
Kita came to me.
She came here drunk and ready to play.
I feel something about that, but it isn’t guilt or sorrow. It was an exciting act of celebration and retribution for us both. She the broken toy with the lost boyfriend, and shitty current boyfriend, and me the sheer joy of the ease at which I was able to close this sweet young client.
Cherie is a wonderful woman but sadly has failed me on so many levels I’ve decided to compartmentalized my life.
I just never thought I’d fall this far.
I was so in love with Cherie. Our love was so sweet. She was always so horny, which was fun. I’d never met a woman who was so well-connected to her raw sexuality.
Truly a queen.
But here I am doing my job and wondering after what happened between Kita and me if I will ever see her again.
As much as I’ve been a mentor to her, I have to admit all I’ve wanted to do was to split her like a ripe melon and fuck her back to China.
See if you know anyone that has the balls to say that?
I can’t lie in my blog. I’ve got readers counting on me to be honest.
It happened. I did it to her.
How is she?
Did I mess her up?
I can’t live with that. Too much anxiety. I never want to hurt a girl. I couldn’t live with myself.
If Achilles finds out I’ll probably be fired.
Rule 3… You’re available but not available.
I’m losing my shit.
What did I do to this girl?
I was her mentor on every level and then I fucked her on the utility sink of the salon.
I don’t know what to do.
Will she just stop coming here and cancel her membership?
I can’t think about this but I can’t help it.
I love Kita.
That blonde, tanned, fit little 22-year-old naive Asian girl who is super hot and dumb that you just slammed on the back sink of the tanning salon.
I feel awful, but exhilarated.
I put in a lot of time with her. all of the hours of counseling. the endless texts. It was so annoying. Was it wrong for me to extract my fee?
No. She offered herself willingly.
I sweep and mop the salon, and punch out.
This fucking place.
I no longer like it, or Achilles. But it groomed me to be great at my new job as manager at the restaurant in Rittenhouse.
I lock the door and head down the steps. I card lock the outside door and head West on Walnut street.
I’m tired of working here. This whole relationship with Achilles went nowhere. Which I have learned is how all of his relationships go. Even the one with his girlfriend.
I walk South on 16th, Starbucks and a healthy alternative restaurant that will be out of business in 6 months because their rent is to high and their covers are too light.
I need to quit smoking.
I hate smoking.
The dirty smoke, ashes, paper, glue, carbon monoxide, all of that and $10 bucks a pack need to go away.
I’m puffing my celebratory smoke as I walk past the Italian restaurant where I had my final dinner with Annabelle before we saw the worst show ever and then she later dumped me.
I feel nothing now for Annabelle. She is just a series of blog posts that tell my story with her.
I approach my place in Rittenhouse and I pause.
I stand on the steps of my walk up and think about my life for a moment.
I’m surrounded by good people and family.
My health is fine.
I’m killing it in my work life. (And for once I actually like what I do!)
I’m loved and I truly love.
I have things to look forward to.
My Magic 5!
I’m good. we’ve come a long way.
Like I always do if Lorelei isn’t home, I’m going to sit in my chair in the living room and watch Mr. Robot on the 50 inch.
Life is good.
I’m at peace an I don’t have to be in work until 5pm tomorrow.
I’m actually dozing when I get the text.
“Hey, how are you? WE should meet up!”
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