Tales of Rock – 20 of the Craziest Rock Star Confessions

 

 

The best kind of wild rock 'n' roll stories are the ones that come from the artists' own recollections. Wild parties, drug binges, run-ins with the law and questionable romantic entanglements – these only scratch the surface of rock stars' wildest admissions. Read on for rock royalty's most lurid confessions over the years, in their own words. 

The best kind of wild rock ‘n’ roll stories are the ones that come from the artists’ own recollections. Wild parties, drug binges, run-ins with the law, and questionable romantic entanglements – these only scratch the surface of rock stars’ wildest admissions. Read on for rock royalty’s most lurid confessions over the years, in their own words.
DAVE SIMPSON, WIREIMAGE

Slash's 2007 eponymous biography contained plenty of eye-popping stories about his wild years with Guns 'N Roses, from the time he ran naked across a golf course during a drug binge to Axl Rose staging a sexual encounter in a recording studio to spice up their song “Rocket Queen." He explained, "We lit up some candles for atmosphere, then (the woman) and Axl went out into the live room, got down on the floor by the drum riser, and we recorded (their) performance," he recalled. "Enjoy it – it’s right there in the final mix."

Slash’s 2007 eponymous biography contained plenty of eye-popping stories about his wild years with Guns ‘N Roses, from the time he ran naked across a golf course during a drug binge to Axl Rose staging a sexual encounter in a recording studio to spice up their song “Rocket Queen.” He explained, “We lit up some candles for atmosphere, then (the woman) and Axl went out into the live room, got down on the floor by the drum riser, and we recorded (their) performance,” he recalled. “Enjoy it – it’s right there in the final mix.”
KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

Unsurprisingly, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has enough crazy stories to fill a book. His 2010 memoir "Life" contained an anecdote from his younger years when he was driving his bandmates in his car, which was filled with hidden drugs. "I had a denim cap with all these pockets in it that were filled with dope," he said. "Everything was filled with dope. In the car doors themselves, all you had to do was pop the panels, and there were plastic bags of coke and grass, peyote and mescaline. Oh my god, how are we going to get out of this?" he recalled asking himself.

Unsurprisingly, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has enough crazy stories to fill a book. His 2010 memoir “Life” contained an anecdote from his younger years when he was driving his bandmates in his car, which was filled with hidden drugs. “I had a denim cap with all these pockets in it that were filled with dope,” he said. “Everything was filled with dope. In the car doors themselves, all you had to do was pop the panels, and there were plastic bags of coke and grass, peyote, and mescaline. Oh my god, how are we going to get out of this?” he recalled asking himself.
KEVIN MAZUR/WIREIMAGE

Richards, whose past drug use is well-documented, also famously admitted to NME magazine in 1997 that he ingested his father's ashes, which he mixed with cocaine. "My dad wouldn’t have cared," he said. "It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.” 

Richards, whose past drug use is well-documented, also famously admitted to NME magazine in 1997 that he ingested his father’s ashes, which he mixed with cocaine. “My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said. “It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”
DOMINIC TARLE/EPA

The members of Mötley Crüe – Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx –collaborated on the 2001 autobiography "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band," featuring pithy stories like this one from Lee: “I announced to everyone that I was embarking on a solo tour. Not a music tour, but a tour of drugs and prostitutes.” 

The members of Mötley Crüe – Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx –collaborated on the 2001 autobiography “The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band,” featuring pithy stories like this one from Lee: “I announced to everyone that I was embarking on a solo tour. Not a music tour, but a tour of drugs and prostitutes.”
J. KIELY JR., ASSOCIATED PRESS

"The Dirt" also featured an anecdote about Tommy Lee's debaucherous 1986 wedding to his second wife, actress Heather Locklear. "Rudy, one of techs, gave us the best toast ever: 'To Tommy and Heather,' he said, raising a champagne glass. 'May all your ups and downs be in bed.' Then he took the champagne glass and smashed it over his head."

“The Dirt” also featured an anecdote about Tommy Lee’s debaucherous 1986 wedding to his second wife, actress Heather Locklear. “Rudy, one of techs, gave us the best toast ever: ‘To Tommy and Heather,’ he said, raising a champagne glass. ‘May all your ups and downs be in bed.’ Then he took the champagne glass and smashed it over his head.”
MICHAEL TWEED/AP

Six years after &quot;The Dirt&quot; came out, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx published his own book, 2007's &quot;The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star,&quot; which recounted his descent towards rock bottom. &quot;There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control,&quot; he wrote.<br /> &nbsp;

Six years after “The Dirt” came out, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx published his own book, 2007’s “The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star,” which recounted his descent towards rock bottom. “There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control,” he wrote.
VALERIE MACON, AFP/GETTY IMAGES

One of rock 'n' roll's most shocking &ndash; not to mention cautionary&nbsp;&ndash; tales come from Marilyn Manson, who claimed in a&nbsp;1995 interview with High Times that he ground up human bones and smoked them.&nbsp;&quot;It was terrible,&quot; he said. &quot;It smelled like burnt hair, gave you a really bad headache and made your eyes red.&quot;

One of rock ‘n’ roll’s most shocking – not to mention cautionary – tales come from Marilyn Manson, who claimed in a 1995 interview with High Times that he ground up human bones and smoked them. “It was terrible,” he said. “It smelled like burnt hair, gave you a really bad headache, and made your eyes red.”
CHRIS PIZZELLO, INVISION/AP

&ldquo;It was (a decadent lifestyle),&rdquo; Manson told Spin in 2003 about his recording process. &ldquo;I think (collaborator Trent Reznor) felt unable to deal with it, and it crumbled our relationship. I would go to bed at 7 a.m., wake up at 4 p.m. and then begin drinking and doing drugs. The funniest point &ndash; which is something I just watched a videotape of &ndash; was a day when I wore only a blond wig, a Burger King crown and a paper towel tube around my (expletive). I walked around like that in broad daylight. To me, that&rsquo;s true rock &amp; roll, and I&rsquo;m not afraid to go there again.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> &nbsp;

“It was (a decadent lifestyle),” Manson told Spin in 2003 about his recording process. “I think (collaborator Trent Reznor) felt unable to deal with it, and it crumbled our relationship. I would go to bed at 7 a.m., wake up at 4 p.m. and then begin drinking and doing drugs. The funniest point – which is something I just watched a videotape of – was a day when I wore only a blond wig, a Burger King crown, and a paper towel tube around my (expletive). I walked around like that in broad daylight. To me, that’s true rock & roll, and I’m not afraid to go there again.”

JACK FORDYCE / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Perhaps rock 'n' roll's craziest 21st birthday party belonged to The Who's late drummer Keith Moon, who recounted the night's&nbsp;bacchanalia at a Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan, in a&nbsp;1972 Rolling Stone interview.&nbsp; &quot;By the time the sheriff came in I was standing there in (my) underpants,&quot; he recalled. &quot;I ran out, jumped into the first car I came to, which was a brand new Lincoln Continental. It was parked on a slight hill and when I took the handbrake off, it started to roll and it smashed straight through this pool surround [fence] and the whole Lincoln Continental went into the (Holiday) Inn swimming pool, with me in it. We&rsquo;d also destroyed a piano. Completely destroyed it. Reduced it to kindling. And don&rsquo;t forget the carpet. And the Lincoln Continental in the bottom of the pool. So I got a bill for $24,000.&quot;

Perhaps rock ‘n’ roll’s craziest 21st birthday party belonged to The Who’s late drummer Keith Moon, who recounted the night’s bacchanalia at a Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan, in a 1972 Rolling Stone interview.  “By the time the sheriff came in I was standing there in (my) underpants,” he recalled. “I ran out, jumped into the first car I came to, which was a brand new Lincoln Continental. It was parked on a slight hill and when I took the handbrake off, it started to roll and it smashed straight through this pool surround [fence] and the whole Lincoln Continental went into the (Holiday) Inn swimming pool, with me in it. We’d also destroyed a piano. Completely destroyed it. Reduced it to kindling. And don’t forget the carpet. And the Lincoln Continental in the bottom of the pool. So I got a bill for $24,000.”
S. THORGERSON, ©HIPGNOSIS

Such hijinks are not solely the domain of men.&nbsp; Jefferson Airplane singer Grace Slick shared her own tales in her 1999 book, &quot;Somebody to Love? A Rock-and-Roll Memoir.&quot;&nbsp;A sample: &quot;Having ingested the entire contents of the mini-bar in my hotel room before I arrived at the venue for the show, I stuck my fingers in this guy's nostrils just because I thought they'd probably fit.&quot;

Such hijinks are not solely the domain of men.  Jefferson Airplane singer Grace Slick shared her own tales in her 1999 book, “Somebody to Love? A Rock-and-Roll Memoir.” A sample: “Having ingested the entire contents of the mini-bar in my hotel room before I arrived at the venue for the show, I stuck my fingers in this guy’s nostrils just because I thought they’d probably fit.”
REED SAXON, ASSOCIATED PRESS

Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis detailed his history of bad behavior in his 2005 autobiography &quot;Scar Tissue. Recounting one example of excess, he and guitarist&nbsp;Hillel Slovak, a fellow heroin addict, were trying to steer clear of that drug while on tour.&nbsp;So instead they&nbsp;would drink copious amounts of&nbsp; Jagermeister because it &quot;gave us the feeling closest&quot; to that drug's high.&nbsp;The Jagermeister high was at least enough to prompt Kiedis to &quot;take off all my clothes in the motel and walk down the hall and knock on people's doors.&quot;&nbsp;

Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis detailed his history of bad behavior in his 2005 autobiography “Scar Tissue. Recounting one example of excess, he and guitarist Hillel Slovak, a fellow heroin addict, were trying to steer clear of that drug while on tour. So instead they would drink copious amounts of  Jagermeister because it “gave us the feeling closest” to that drug’s high. The Jagermeister high was at least enough to prompt Kiedis to “take off all my clothes in the motel and walk down the hall and knock on people’s doors.”
AMY HARRIS, INVISION/AP

Kiedis also recalled meeting a girl on tour in the mid-'80s and bringing her on their tour bus, only to have the encounter go terribly wrong. &quot;'I&nbsp;have something to tell you,'&quot; she told him.&nbsp;&quot;'My father's the chief of police and the entire state of Louisiana is looking for me because I've gone missing. Oh, and besides that, I'm only fourteen.' &quot; How did he react?&nbsp; &quot;I wasn't incredibly scared,&quot; he wrote, &quot;because in my somewhat deluded mind, I knew that if she told the chief of police she was in love with me, he wasn't going to have me taken out to a field and shot, but I did want to get her the (expletive) back home right away.&quot;

Kiedis also recalled meeting a girl on tour in the mid-’80s and bringing her on their tour bus, only to have the encounter go terribly wrong. “‘I have something to tell you,'” she told him. “‘My father’s the chief of police and the entire state of Louisiana is looking for me because I’ve gone missing. Oh, and besides that, I’m only fourteen.’ ” How did he react?  “I wasn’t incredibly scared,” he wrote, “because in my somewhat deluded mind, I knew that if she told the chief of police she was in love with me, he wasn’t going to have me taken out to a field and shot, but I did want to get her the (expletive) back home right away.”
FERNANDO BIZERRA/EPA-EFE

In a&nbsp;2014 Reddit AMA,&nbsp;AC/DC's Angus Young described the time&nbsp;his guitar amplifier caught on fire while he was recording his the solo for 1977's &quot;Let There Be Rock.&quot; &quot;Yes, it was on fire and I had to keep playing until the end, because my brother was in the control room, and yelling out 'KEEP GOING!' &ndash; so I had to keep going until the thing kind of went into meltdown,&quot; he wrote. &quot;And on this album, 'Rock or Bust,' we had the same thing ... my amp just went on fire. And I didn't even know! I thought it was a cigarette going. But (producer Brendan&nbsp; O'Brien) was shouting out, 'Ang, you're on fire!' &quot;<br /> &nbsp;

In a 2014 Reddit AMA, AC/DC’s Angus Young described the time his guitar amplifier caught on fire while he was recording his solo for 1977’s “Let There Be Rock.” “Yes, it was on fire and I had to keep playing until the end because my brother was in the control room, and yelling out ‘KEEP GOING!’ – so I had to keep going until the thing kind of went into meltdown,” he wrote. “And on this album, ‘Rock or Bust,’ we had the same thing … my amp just went on fire. And I didn’t even know! I thought it was a cigarette going. But (producer Brendan  O’Brien) was shouting out, ‘Ang, you’re on fire!’ “
WINSLOW TOWNSON/INVISION/AP

The drug habits of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry were so legendary, they became known as the &quot;toxic twins.&quot; In Tyler's 2012 autobiography &quot;Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?&quot; he recounted how Perry kept &quot;vials of coke with straws in them at the back of the stage, and when the lights would go out he&rsquo;d go over there like he was checking something or making a guitar change and (a roadie) would put the straw in his nose; he&rsquo;d take a hit, then the lights would come on again.&rdquo;

The drug habits of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry were so legendary, they became known as the “toxic twins.” In Tyler’s 2012 autobiography “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” he recounted how Perry kept “vials of coke with straws in them at the back of the stage, and when the lights would go out he’d go over there like he was checking something or making a guitar change and (a roadie) would put the straw in his nose; he’d take a hit, then the lights would come on again.”
ANGELA WEISS/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

In his &quot;I am Ozzy&quot; memoir, &nbsp;Ozzy Osbourne revealed the cocaine-inspired original title of Black Sabbath's 1972 album &quot;Vol. 4.&quot; He wrote,&nbsp;&quot;For me, 'Snowblind' was one of Black Sabbath's best-ever albums &ndash; although, the record company wouldn't let us keep the title, 'cos in those days cocaine was a big deal, and they didn't want the hassle of a controversy.&quot;

In his “I am Ozzy” memoir,  Ozzy Osbourne revealed the cocaine-inspired original title of Black Sabbath’s 1972 album “Vol. 4.” He wrote, “For me, ‘Snowblind’ was one of Black Sabbath’s best-ever albums – although, the record company wouldn’t let us keep the title, ‘cos in those days cocaine was a big deal, and they didn’t want the hassle of a controversy.”
FRAZER HARRISON / GETTY IMAGES

Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi elaborated on Osbourne's wild behavior in a 1992 interview with Guitar World. &quot;We were all in an elevator in this real plush hotel, and Ozzy decides to (relieve himself). As he's doing it, the elevator is going down to the reception floor. The door opens suddenly &ndash; and there's Ozzy with his pants around his knees. And all these people in fur coats are just staring at him with their mouths open.&quot;

Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi elaborated on Osbourne’s wild behavior in a 1992 interview with Guitar World. “We were all in an elevator in this real plush hotel, and Ozzy decides to (relieve himself). As he’s doing it, the elevator is going down to the reception floor. The door opens suddenly – and there’s Ozzy with his pants around his knees. And all these people in fur coats are just staring at him with their mouths open.”
RUSTY KENNEDY, AP

Iggy Pop detailed his raucous 1970s in the anthology &quot;Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk.&quot; He noted that one time,&nbsp;he was confronted by Elton John in a gorilla costume, and was so high he thought Elton was a real gorilla. &quot;I'd taken so many downers the night before, they threw me in the bushes, just left me in the shrubbery next to the Days Inn. I woke up and I couldn't talk ... I could barely stand up, and that night Elton John came out onstage in a gorilla costume. I was like, 'Oh my god! What do I do?' I couldn't fight him.&quot;

Iggy Pop detailed his raucous 1970s in the anthology “Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk.” He noted that one time, he was confronted by Elton John in a gorilla costume, and was so high he thought Elton was a real gorilla. “I’d taken so many downers the night before, they threw me in the bushes, just left me in the shrubbery next to the Days Inn. I woke up and I couldn’t talk … I could barely stand up, and that night Elton John came out onstage in a gorilla costume. I was like, ‘Oh my god! What do I do?’ I couldn’t fight him.”
NAOMI RAHIM, WIREIMAGE

In his 2011 memoir &nbsp;&ldquo;Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock,&rdquo; Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar (bottom left) detailed the band's&nbsp;infamous backstage changing areas, which the band and its crew referred to as &quot;sex tents.&quot; He shared more details in an interview that year with&nbsp;&nbsp;Boston&rsquo;s WZLX 100.7 FM. &quot;I&rsquo;d walk down there when Eddie (Van Halen) was doing his solo, but sometimes there&rsquo;d be four or five girls down there, which was to my order. Sometimes it was and the roadies were just like, &lsquo;Hey, these girls wanted to meet you.&rsquo; And I&rsquo;m like, &lsquo;Here I am!&rsquo; &nbsp;You start changing your clothes because they&rsquo;re all sweaty. You have a 20-minute break, and it&rsquo;s like, next!'&quot;<br /> &nbsp;

In his 2011 memoir  “Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock,” Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar (bottom left) detailed the band’s infamous backstage changing areas, which the band and its crew referred to as “sex tents.” He shared more details in an interview that year with  Boston’s WZLX 100.7 FM. “I’d walk down there when Eddie (Van Halen) was doing his solo, but sometimes there’d be four or five girls down there, which was to my order. Sometimes it was and the roadies were just like, ‘Hey, these girls wanted to meet you.’ And I’m like, ‘Here I am!’  You start changing your clothes because they’re all sweaty. You have a 20-minute break, and it’s like, next!'”
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sting's 1998 biography &quot;Demolition Man&quot; delved into the singer's tantric sex habits, in which he would hold himself back while making love for several hours at a time. He later debunked the rumors about it during a 2014 &quot;Inside the Actor's Studio&quot; interview.&nbsp;&quot;If we had seven hours, I would demonstrate,&quot; he said. &quot;Maybe not. But there is some truth to it. The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don't know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, 'sacrament.' I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.&quot;

Sting’s 1998 biography “Demolition Man” delved into the singer’s tantric sex habits, in which he would hold himself back while making love for several hours at a time. He later debunked the rumors about it during a 2014 “Inside the Actor’s Studio” interview. “If we had seven hours, I would demonstrate,” he said. “Maybe not. But there is some truth to it. The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don’t know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, ‘sacrament.’ I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.”

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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13 Reasons Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone

Here’s a post a friend of mine on here sent me. She describes herself as a cranky, jaded introvert. 

But I agree with her on many of these points. I ran into a woman I haven’t seen in probably two years. She looked healthy but seemed exactly the same as she was when I met her over five years ago. Fifteen minutes into the conversation I was already bored. Without the distraction of other people at a bar or the excitement of attending an event, she seemed dull. I’ve come to realize how rampant mental illness is in today’s world.

I believe as we age we need to continually evolve to be better. But I think we can all agree that during this pandemic we really found out who our real friends are.

Anyway… Take it away, Donna!

I used to be one of those girls who was absolutely desperate to be popular, have friends, and be around people.

As I get older, I’ve realized that I’ve turned into a grumpy, crotchety lady who really doesn’t want to be around people.

“Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind,” says Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts, “They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy.”

To a point, it’s becoming more of an introvert is a natural process that can’t be helped.

Here’s why you become more introverted and start to hate everyone as you get old — and why I’m OK with turning into a misanthrope.

1. The older you get, the more often people have let you down.

All those Disney songs about having friends who never disappoint you or bail on you clearly haven’t taken into account the majority of the human race.

By the time that you’re 20, you’ve probably been dealt major blows by people you never thought would hurt you, and that makes you really jaded toward people.

2. As you age, the fun of being around people begins to disappear.

Popularity stops being cool when you realize how much money it costs to be popular, and how much of a time-waster it is.

3. You learn over time that people ruin the coolest things.

Ever notice how it only takes one stupid person’s actions to ruin a good thing? Ever notice how many good things get ruined this way?

This is why we can’t have awesome things: stupid people!

4. You find that most people you meet are boring as hell.

Their entire lives revolve around things that aren’t important. They don’t really make you think about anything in particular. They are boring, and there’s a certain point where boring becomes a reason not to talk to them.

If I do hang out with people, I want them to have a real spark inside them, and that just doesn’t really happen too often.

5. You discover that ninety-nine percent of the people you meet are fake.

I hate the fact that most people I’ve met can’t talk about how they really feel, what they’re really going through, or what they honestly think about you.

At the end of the day, most people will sugarcoat things that shouldn’t be sugarcoated, and most people won’t tell you the full truth, even if it’s an absolute necessity.

6. You realize that dealing with people’s drama is exhausting.

I’d rather watch TV.

The drama is more entertaining and it won’t negatively affect me.

7. You find that most get-togethers quickly become incredibly boring.

Let’s face it: most people don’t want to go to those tired dinner parties thrown by their bosses anyway.

8. As years pass, your tolerance for people judging you and telling you what to do shrinks to zero.

People always love to get angry when you don’t live the way they want you to live.

I’m too old to have people judge me, try to control me, or tell me how to live my life. Shouldn’t others be more worried about their lives instead?

9. The longer you’ve been alive, the worse people treat you in general.

When you’re a kid, everyone coos at you and coddles you. When you’re a teenager, everyone hates you. When you’re an adult, everyone hates you and expects you to do stuff for them.

I don’t recall signing up for this BS.

10. By the time you’re 30, you realize that your pets are more mature than the people you regularly talk to.

That might be why I prefer to drink wine with my cats.

11. There’s a certain point where you can’t deal with people’s shallow behavior.

If I was 300 pounds, I could guarantee that men wouldn’t want anything to do with me and that people, in general, would make mean comments about my weight.

Knowing this made me really worn out when it came to talking to people. I don’t want to bother with people who would discard me based on how much I weigh, what I wear, or how I look.

12. People have really messed up expectations about how others should treat them, versus how they treat others.

With most people, manners have gone the way of the dodo, but they have no problem expecting others to be nice to them.

I’m so over it.

13. When push comes to shove, getting older also means that you realize that most people aren’t worth it.

This makes the few people who are worth talking to all the more precious.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

7 Reasons He Doesn’t Trust Being In A Relationship With You

You can’t get past his trust issues if neither of you knows what causes them in the first place.

When you first start dating a guy, he’s on his best behavior, showing you the best parts of himself.

It’s not until much later that you see him as a whole human being, complete with flaws. And one of those flaws may come in the form of trust issues.

Why do men have trust issues in relationships?

Most people experience trust issues in their relationships at some point in their lives. But sometimes a man has been harmed far more than you realized at first.

True intimacy can only be experienced once both partners have jumped over such hurdles and learned how to be fully vulnerable with one another.

While you can follow conventional relationship advice and simply stop seeing him, you could also choose to take some time to discover why he feels the way he does.

Here are 7 commons reasons men have trust issues in a relationship. Do any of them sound familiar?

1. He hasn’t faced his issues head-on.

Perhaps the greatest obstacle to emotional intimacy for a man in a relationship is his struggle around trust. My mentor opined, “Where there’s no trust, there’s no love,” which is a painful truth for men with trust issues.

The negative consequences of not being able to trust push some men to face their issue, and many opt to work with other men, do individual therapy, read self-help books, or be in a relationship with a woman who’s willing to be his partner while he resolves his trust issues. While it may seem smarter for a woman to find a man without trust issues, the reality is that trust issues for men are ubiquitous.

2. He never learned how to trust.

I’ve worked with men for decades, and I counsel men via Skype. What I’ve gleaned from my own experience, as well as my work with other men, is that a substantial number of men’s trust issues originated in childhood, which is when the trust was supposed to be learned from parents, but often wasn’t.

Unfortunately, the parents didn’t always relate to their children from an emotional place other than anger, and as a result, weren’t the best emotional role models.

A parent’s promise wasn’t necessarily a guaranty for many boys, and while it may not have been their intention, promises not kept felt like betrayal and affected their ability to trust.

3. He doesn’t want to dredge up his past.

A boy’s learned lack of trust follows him into his relationships with women as well as other men, and it hobbles him until he’s suffered enough to face the emotional work. Sadly, few men dig into their trust issue because doing so churns up old and painful demons, and while my experience demonstrates that other men can best help him, it’s a catch-22 situation because he doesn’t trust other men sufficient to work with them.

Trust issues affect many aspects of a man’s life and often with painful consequences. Their friendships with other men remain mostly surface, and their relationships with women are in constant struggle around trust. Trust issues can make a man a cynical loner and feel unlovable.

4. He doesn’t have a support system.

How can a woman be in a successful relationship with a man grappling with trust? First and foremost, the work to move beyond his trust issues is his alone, and the most a woman can do is offer her patient, compassionate support.

What does that look like? Men with trust issues are typically insecure about their partner’s love and frequently ask her for reassurance. A hug, a compassionate smile, or a simple declaration of love can all help a man feel that he can trust.

But the caveat to this support is that a woman can’t take on a man’s trust issues as hers, but rather support him in his work. A man with trust issues needs a partner, not a codependent.

5. He still has unfounded concerns from spilling over from his past.

My trust issues were cemented by a violent, abusive boyhood. My father taught me by example that men couldn’t be trusted, and my mother followed his lead. As a consequence, I wasn’t a piece of cake for any woman until I began doing the difficult work around my trust issues.

While I’ve learned to open my heart, those trust demons still pop up occasionally. When they do and I’m finding it difficult to let them go, I ask my partner if she still loves me, to which she asks if I’m fishing, which is her way of letting me know my concerns are unfounded.

When I consider the myriad of men I’ve worked with over the years, it’s clear my trust issues aren’t unique.

6. He was betrayed by a woman before you.

A woman’s betrayal is another event that can shut a man’s heart down and prevent him from trusting women again. A man who has been betrayed and had his feelings crushed isn’t going to willingly repeat that experience.

Part of the problem is that few men face their pain, heal their wounds, and ignore it until it festers and affects their ability to be emotionally open or honest. A man’s fear of having his heart broken again lives in his psyche until he comes to grip with it.

7. He hasn’t yet done his work.

I counsel men individually, and I urge those that don’t seek counseling to become involved with other men in confidential groups where they can trace the source of their trust issues together and resolve them. I urge women to encourage men to pursue this work with other men because it will improve the quality of their relationship.

When the women I coach ask what they should look for in men my suggestion is to date a man who has faced or is facing his issues in therapy, a man’s group, through reading books about his issue, who has problem resolution skills, and an emotional vocabulary.

Every relationship faces difficult times, and a man who hasn’t learned problem resolution skills will find resolving relationship issues impossible.

These skills aren’t innate in many men but learned instead. Emotional health is as important as physical health for partners in a relationship.

I urge men harboring trust or other demons to work on them before beginning a relationship. Showing up whole, or on the mend is only fair.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Hunt’s Pier – Prologue

Philadelphia Pa – Autumn, 2020

“Hunt’s Pier… I’m way up here and I don’t know how to get down there and be close enough to you. I don’t know if I can write about you. Look how far away I am from you now.”

I had been wanting to write this piece two years ago when I was writing Wildwood Daze. I actually made a post that said I couldn’t write about Hunt’s Pier because it was too big and rich a story. It still is. I just don’t think at the time I was ready to write it.

Hunt’s Pier is an amusement pier that stood for many years on the boardwalk in Wildwood, New Jersey. I’ll delve into some family at the seashore history and then get on with my experiences. I worked there on one of the rides for the 1980-1981 seasons. I’ll do my best to recall my memories from that time.

But here we are in the midst of a global crisis. I’m trapped at home. I’ve been in lockdown since March 2020. The last few years of my life have been one long social exploration. But here I was stuck at home. But there was income rolling in. So what does a creative soul do with that newfound freedom?

I write.

I publish Crazy Dating Stories. I write and publish Angel with a Broken Wing. I publish Phicklephilly 2, and then Sun Stories. I write a hard-boiled detective novel to be published in June. It was a very busy time creatively for me.

But as Autumn approached I could feel the darkness gliding in. All my books were done. There was about a month there where I had nothing to create or work on. My routine was broken.

Now what? I’m worried about my unemployment running out. The stimulus money has dried up. The fear is beginning to seep in. And so is its favorite mate. Depression.

It never got bad, and will never again. I’ve made an agreement with my anxiety and depression to stay in their rooms until further notice. But sometimes they find the keys to their rooms or slip out the door.

I know what to do when they come for me. Eat, get your rest, and make a new routine. But you have to do something to celebrate to drop that dopamine to keep you on the rails.

I think we all have put on a little Covid weight during this idle time. I know I did. I went up a pants size, and once I cut my hair and shaved off my beard I realized I’d chubbed up, but not in a good way.

I should go out and get some exercise. So I started to walk 5 miles a day, every day. It really hurt physically after being sedentary for 7 months. But I would go out and get my breakfast sandwich, and then head toward the Delaware River. It was 5 miles up and back from where I lived. I would create a pattern. I’ll walk different streets every day to keep it interesting. Market, Chestnut, Sansom, Walnut, Locust, and so on. You get the idea.

I did it and it really beat me up. But I kept at it.

Here’s what I found. I started to feel better mentally and physically and got better at both. I could feel the clouds in the sky of my mind beginning to clear.

My brain started to drop the endorphins, serotonin into my system. That stuff works and feels great. It just gave me more energy and a happier state of mind.

Because I felt better I started to want to create again. Something original. Something from my past. That would be easy. You’re not making any new memories, turn inward and search your memories for the stories you wanted to tell before and never could because you were too busy.

And I did.

Once I began writing the deeper stories I was rewarded with dopamine. My favorite drug in the world. I should get the chemical symbol tattooed on my body. The endorphins and serotonin from exercise gave me the happiness and energy to start again. The positive energy to venture into some classic memories locked away in the rooms of my mind.

I started to write and it really started to flow. Once I finished a classic piece I could feel the dopamine dropping, and it lit me up to go on.

So even during this dark time I found a way out of the grey sadness and turned it into a dozen colorful balloons. I’m just going to keep doing this until this pandemic ends.

Hunt’s Pier was reborn in me and I’ve made a solid effort to bring it to you starting this week. It will run every Thursday for the next couple of months.

I hope you like it. I just thought I should check-in and let you know.

If you’re feeling the darkness, there’s always a way to find your way back to the light.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Truancy – Part 2

Philadelphia, PA – Spring, 1977

We followed Martin’s Mill Road out towards Cheltenham. It was interesting to watch all of the N buses pass us by. We knew there were kids in there on their way to Fels and hoped no one who knew us would see us. Just paranoid I suppose. We crossed the bridge over into Cheltenham where I knew there was a train station. I only knew about it because that’s the station where my mom always took us to go downtown.

We went inside and all bought tickets to center city. We then went out to the platform outside to wait for the train. It would be along soon, so we discussed some of the things we wanted to do while we were downtown. We also concocted a story if anybody we ran into asked us why we weren’t in school.

The train arrived and we boarded and found some seats. None of us had ever gone into the city on our own, so we were pretty clueless as to what to do when we got there. The only time any of us had ever been into town was with our parents or on some sort of school trip.

We did end up chatting with a nice couple while we rode the train. We concocted a story that we were going into the city to meet with our parents. We were all cousins and our folks were staying in the city at the Ritz Carlton, and we were coming from our grandmothers. Just some made-up nonsense like that. I don’t know if the couple bought it, but they were nice and we figured if we could fool them, we could fool anybody.

The train soon pulled into Reading Terminal. This is way before it became a farmer’s market and a literal orgy of food and tourist destination.

Home

Today all of the incoming and outgoing trains use Suburban Station at 15th and JFK Blvd. But back in the 70s Reading Terminal was the spot. I remember it being a smelly bum pit of a place. As I walked through the station with my friends, I remembered something my father used to say. He’d tell me I needed to pay attention and do well in school so I didn’t end up like one of the guys in Reading Terminal. Which meant a bum.

Here I was cutting school and going against all that was proper. We didn’t care. We were living in the moment.

We decided we wanted to go visit Billy Penn. His statue stands atop City Hall and was once the tallest building in Philadelphia a long time ago.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_City_Hall

The skyline back then was far different than the one you see on the homepage of this blog.

We went over to city hall and the admission to go to the top was free! They probably charge for it now but back then you could just get in line and head up to the top. We piled in the elevator with a bunch of other tourists and up we went. It was cool to walk around at the foot of the giant statue atop City Hall. I noticed they had a couple of those coin-op binocular-type machines up there to get a closer look, but we were happy to just be all the way up there with no parents and teachers in sight.

“If I drop a penny from this height and it hits somebody in the head, will it kill them?”

“I don’t think so Dave, but just in case, don’t do it, okay?”

I knew from my love of all things science that a penny wouldn’t have the weight or the velocity to hurt a person if it fell on their head from a great height. But I couldn’t risk us getting in trouble while we were cutting school.

Later, we were just walking around the city and stuffing our heads with soft pretzels. We got to 16th and Chestnut, we saw that there were these older girls standing on the corner handing stuff out. Everybody likes free goodies so we walked up to them. They proceeded to hand each of us little four packs of Merit cigarettes. It must have been a new light brand they were trying to introduce, so what better way than to randomly pass out little packs of smokes to a bunch of teenagers.

It was like the wild west back then. We all bought and smoked cigs and no one ever asked me who the cigarettes were for. EVER. We were always ready to say, “They’re for my mom.” but no one ever asked. They just sold us cigarettes in every store we ever went into. You could get a pack of cigs for .51 cents a pack at Rite Aid! So cheap!

We immediately opened the packs and started smoking the Merits. But when we got to the next corner, we saw a group of different girls doing the same thing. So we went up to them too. We realized that they were on every corner of that whole block so we just walked around the block a few times until we’d gotten around 20 packs of smokes. Yes!

We headed out the Ben Franklin Parkway towards the museum district. We noticed that there was some construction going on at the Academy of Natural Sciences. We all loved that museum because it was one of the fun ones. It had dinosaurs and stuff in it so we had to get in there. We saw that there was a door open on the side and workmen were coming in and out of there. So we waited until no one was looking, slipped under a bunch of ropes and barriers, and got in there.

We’d all been there before on class trips, but when you sneak in and do the museum with your friends it’s just better. You don’t have to stay with your partner, pay attention, stay in line, go over here.. .etc. You just wander.

We had a lovely time in there for a couple of hours looking at all of the exhibits. We checked out some brochures near the exit and noticed something called the Cultural Loop Bus. We decided to hop on that out front of the museum. That bus went straight to the Philadelphia Zoo.

We spent the afternoon looking at all of the animals and enjoyed a nice lunch of hot dogs, french fries, and sodas in the Children’s petting zoo. I remembered going there with my parents as a child. But this sort of thing is always better with your friends. Just absolute freedom. We even rode the monorail!

I think that was the first time I really thought about what the zoo was. When I was little it appeared to be the greatest pet shop in the world where none of the animals were for sale. But when I really thought about it, it seemed more like an animal prison. Here we were a couple of teenage boys who had broken free for a day to go on an adventure, and these animals had been kidnapped from wherever they really lived and dropped off in here. A place where humans can gawk at them while they waste the rest of their lives in cages and glass enclosures. I could suddenly relate to the sad looking gorilla or the majestic tiger just lying on the equivalent of a bathroom floor behind a piece of tempered glass. It seemed like a horrible, cruel existence. Just knowing you will never escape. Your whole life just the same day over and over again. Not the majestic place in the jungle or the savannah. Just another inmate. It looked very much like Fels Junior High in that moment.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we could unlock all of the cages and let all of the animals just run away?”

“That would be awesome, Dave but we’d probably get beaten by our parents and end up in juvenile hall.”

We left the zoo and hopped back on the bus. Once were back in the city we found our way back to Reading Terminal. But there were so many trains there. Which one should we get on to get back home? We had no idea.

But then I remembered my mom always said that we needed to get on the Fox Chase train to get back home when we were in town with her. I’m glad I remembered that because we would have ended up getting lost. We got on that train and off we went. I knew we were on the right route because when they called out the Olney stop, I noticed that the train was on a tilt. My mother had also pointed that out to me on one of our trips into town.

We got off at the Cheltenham stop and made our way back to Rising Sun Avenue to get our stuff from out of the bushes of that big house. Happily, all of our stuff was still safely stashed and we collected it. We said our goodbyes and all agreed it had been a great day off from school.

I walked home wearing my bookbag with my umbrella in hand.

“How was school today, Chaz?”

“Good. Happy it’s the weekend.”

“You can put your umbrella in the closet. I’m glad it didn’t rain today.”

Me too, mom. Me too.”

“Go wash up for dinner.”

So I got away with cutting school.

Sort of…

I went to school on Monday but had forgotten to bring the absence note my sister had forged for me. It was still in my desk drawer. But when I got to homeroom, I found out that my teacher had also been absent on Friday. Which meant there was probably a substitute there that day. Maybe no role was taken. Because my teacher never said anything about my absence. So not only was I in the clear, I still had the note that I could use the NEXT time I cut school. Sweet!

A couple of weeks went by without incident. But one day my mom was cleaning my room or looking for contraband and found the note in my desk. She called me out on it.

“What are you planning on doing? Did you get one of your little chippies to write this for you? It’s actually pretty good. They did a good job replicating my handwriting.”

Little chippies? I didn’t have any little chippies. Everyone hated me at school, especially the girls.

I told her she was right, and the note was something one of the chippies made for me if I ever wanted to cut school. I said I was sorry and that I’d never cut school. She confiscated the note and tore it up. Of course, I would never give up my older sister. That would have had catastrophic repercussions on my future in Frankford High next year.

So, technically I pulled it off.

Funny… you’d think a bunch of teenage boys who would cut school would take the opportunity to get into some deviltry. Maybe drink beer, shoplift or smoke pot somewhere. But we didn’t do things like that back then. Beer was for older people and pot was drugs and they were illegal.

We took a Friday off in April and went to the city. We did some sightseeing, went to a museum, and the zoo. Just normal, fun kid stuff.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1