Category: dating advice

What Does His Kiss Mean? 9 Types of Kisses Decoded!

I’ve been busy this week with some commercial writing assignments so I’ve gotten some assistance from one of my female readers.

Take it away, Felicia!

Your field guide to the most common lip locks.

There are many different ways to kiss your lover, and knowing how to kiss a guy or girl in certain ways allows you to communicate something different about what or how you’re feeling in the moment, whether you’re making out, making up, or out in public on a date.

But usually, when you’re on the receiving end of any of these types of kisses, it’s hard to channel your inner Jane Goodall and make notes about the experience.

Don’t worry, y’all.

We’ve got you covered with both kissing tips, as well as the scoop on what kisses of different kinds mean.

Here’s a field guide to the major types of kisses, how to kiss a guy or girl like you mean it, and what you’re saying with every smooch.

1. The Peck

Sounds innocent, doesn’t it? But this quick lip-on-lip contact still sends a message.

The primary one?

“I want to kiss you and — hopefully, sometime soon — make out, but it’s early and we’re not there yet, so this peck on the lips is a suggestion that there is to be much more smooching in our future.”

2. The Long Peck

This is a lingering, closed-mouth kiss on the lips. It’s very sensual, yet still somewhat chaste and restrained. It’s how grown-ups say, “We are so about to make out big-time.”

This extended peck is usually followed by a knowing smirk and, sometimes, an audible “mmmm …”

3. The Woodpecker

These are rapid-fire pecks. Playful and cute, these say, “I really like you, a lot, but I don’t want to get myself all worked up right now.”

These kisses convey a lot of affection without allowing things to get too hot and heavy.

It’s also a good option when it comes to PDA. No one wants to watch you swallow each other’s faces while they’re having their morning coffee.

4. The French Kiss

The French kiss is the king of kisses and involves open mouths and some form of tongue interaction.

It’s too complex and nuanced for one description, so we’ve broken it down even further:

  • Standard French Kiss: Moving your open lips against each other with some tongue interplay can be very sweet, very hot, very passionate, or all of the above. This kiss really gets the hormones racing and says, “I would like to sleep with you.”
  • Tongue Tango French Kiss: Ideally an elegant ballet of tongue play, the Tongue Tango occurs when the tips of the tongues push off of each other and twist around. This kiss says “I think outside the box in and out of bed” This kiss, however, is a close relative of the dreaded Lizard Kiss, where tongues dart in a stabbing, lizard-like motion. What’s the lizard saying? “I am a creep.” So be careful.
  • He’s Eating My Mouth French Kiss: This kiss leaves the kissee with what we call a saliva beard. Basically, the kisser opens his or her mouth as wide as possible, rolls their tongue all around and down their partner’s throat, and then, inexplicably, slides it all over their poor partner’s face. This kiss says, “I want you to think I’m really sexual and passionate but in reality, I am totally oblivious to your vibe and will probably stink in bed. Big time.”

5. Love Bites

Getting in a little nip of the lip or neck means “I’m playful,” and might also reveal that you’re not totally opposed to a little bit of pain with your pleasure.

Try not to draw blood, though.

6. I Love You/I Hate You

This one involves a sudden, passionate embrace after bickering.

This kiss is unchoreographed mayhem at its best. It says, “You make me so mad and I can’t stand you but I must have you, and that makes me even madder which makes me want you, even more, damn you!!!”

7. Hard-mouth-closed

This one is featured in many classic films. It occurs when the leading man finally pins down his female nemesis/love interest and plants one on her. It’s often accompanied by a wrist grab so that you don’t push him away, you firebrand!

It says, “I’m going to teach you not to sass me and give me guff, by gum!”

8. Against The Wall

“I want you so bad.”

Although this kiss usually happens spontaneously and in a semi-public setting (e.g. alleyway, bar bathroom, book reading, etc.), you always wish there was a bed nearby that you could collapse into, because — damn it! — this is hot!

9. The Bend Back

Old-fashioned and romantic, he leans into you and bends you backward, often with one hand holding the small of your back, and the other placed gently against the side of your face. Swoony.

This is generally for people who are uber-comfortable with each other, have a sense of humor, and are absolutely crazy about each other.

This kiss says, “Darling, I am yours. Hold onto your petticoats as my white steed approaches to whisk us away to fairy-land.”

Yeah, it’s a fun one.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

How You Know It Is Time to Let Go of Your Ex

Letting go can be difficult. You know it’s time to let your ex go and allow yourself to live your life without looking back. This realization is the first step to the healing process. It can be difficult to accept that she is not coming back, especially if you are stubborn like myself and refuse to admit that you made a mistake. However, doing difficult things strengthens us to be able to deal with adversity in all aspects of our life. You know in your heart that there is no repairing or starting over, so why not allow yourself to begin living again right now?

Forgive yourself

One of the biggest difficulties I have faced in my own life is that I simply forget many of the things that I say and don’t even remember saying something hurtful in the first place. Maybe you blame yourself for the failed relationship, too. It’s perfectly normal to believe that we were the main issue, just as it’s also perfectly understandable to blame your ex for a breakup. In almost every case, there was fault on both sides. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made instead of spending hours each day replaying things in your mind and wondering what you could have done differently. It really doesn’t matter what went wrong because that part of your life is now over.

You have many more chapters to write in your life, so if you keep reading the last chapter over and over, your book will never continue and you find yourself in…

Should I try to be friends with my ex?

Having children with your ex is probably the only reason to remain friends with them. Maybe down the road, you can try to have a friendship. Since you are wondering if it is time to let of them, then being friends with them will not help you let go at all. You will only have unnecessary contact with them and relive past pain again and again as you will invariably ask for another chance or sleep together. All this does is move you back to the chapter that you just finished. Focus on your other friends or making new ones. Better yet — become your own best friend and do the things that you enjoy doing the most.

Creature comfort with an ex is only a temporary fix

Treat it like a Band-aid

Don’t bother trying to slowly release the grip that your past has on you. Rip that Band-aid off right now and start living for yourself again. It’s better to have a quick sharp pain than living the agony over an extended period of time, right? Each day you spend dwelling on your ex is one more day you have wasted. I have been as guilty of this as anyone. I used to take pride in the fact that my Facebook was full of exes and that I was able to be mature and cordial with them. However, once I realized how much time I spent talking to them, I knew it was time to rip those Band-aids off of my body. It has definitely created a feeling of emptiness in my life (and a very quiet inbox), but now I am free to meet someone new who will give me the time and attention that the exes would not. It’s all about allowing yourself to move on with your life and not looking back.

How do you usually cope with a breakup?

  • Move on cold turkey with no calls, texts, or contact whatsoever
  • Try to stay friends as best as you can
  • Be distant but keep in contact somewhat just in case you decide to try again down the road
  • Quickly find someone else to distract yourself from the pain

Don’t Romanticize the Past

One of the biggest pitfalls we have after a breakup is romanticizing the past. We remember all of those wonderful things our ex did for us and how great it felt to spend time with them. Keep in mind that your relationship is now over and everything was not always so great after all. We have all heard the cliche that “Love is Stronger than Hate”. That is possibly true and I am not telling you to hate your ex at all. However, take a moment to write down all of the reasons that your relationship failed. Don’t make excuses for either of you. Be honest and focus only on the negative aspects of being in your relationship. Read those to yourself anytime you feel the need to text your ex or find a tear building up in your eye. Focus on the reasons why it is over instead of how great it used to be.

What If I Never Find Anyone Like Them Again?

I am sure that most of us have asked this question at least once in our lives. When you think about it, the answer should bring a smile to your face and maybe even a chuckle. Your relationship ended, remember? You don’t want someone like them anyway. Demand someone BETTER. A close friend of mine once told me to “Know your own value, then add tax !”. I remember those words every single time that I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what is wrong with me.

Final Words

The wisest thing I have learned after 30 years of dating is that the best time to let go of your ex is right at this moment. Not tomorrow, not after an apology text, and not after some long goodbye message on Facebook. Let go right now.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

3 Lessons I Learned from Ending My Toxic Relationship

Here’s one from one of my female readers. I thought it was worth sharing.

Take it away, Serena.

My mother always told me I’d have to kiss a few frogs before I found my prince. What she didn’t tell me was that one of the said frogs would humiliate, manipulate and otherwise crush me through a years-long cycle of lying and cheating. At the time (my junior year of college, when I was still a half-formed shell of a person), it seemed inconceivable that any good would come out of that experience. But looking back on the toxicity of the relationship now, I realize I learned some valuable lessons that have given me a unique perspective on which red flags to look out for. I’m sharing them here in the hopes that you leave sooner than I did.

Listen to Your Gut—It’s Probably Right

When we first started dating, it was slow and measured rather than hot and heavy—it took months of him wooing me and wearing me down before I was receptive to his advances. Why the hesitation? For starters, a faint whiff of misogyny hung over him like a cloud. (His bedroom wall was collaged with Sports Illustrated models, ugh.) I knew from the way he talked about his upbringing that we had different values long before we got into it. From the very beginning, there was a tiny voice in my head saying this isn’t right; this isn’t the person for you. But I was 20 years old: I was flattered, I wanted to be wanted and I wanted to throw caution to the wind. Eventually, I caved. But in the back of my mind, I knew there was darkness going into the situation. I think we all do—in our gut—when placed in those scenarios, and it’s not something to brush off as I did.

Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me

I took him back twice. Or was it three times? He was a master manipulator, always knowing what to say to make me feel like I was the one in the wrong. For example, we had been seeing each other for six months (and had swapped “I love you’s,” mind you) when I found out that he had slept with someone else on the same night I had been with him and left early to study. His excuse? We had never had a clear exclusivity discussion. (As if that excuses that kind of grade-A jerk behavior.) This set a precedent that still makes me wince: When he lied or said cruel things, I rationalized them as being my fault, too. The fact that he treated me so badly became this embarrassing hurdle to overcome; I wanted to make him happy to prove to myself that I could do it. (I’m not proud of this.) By the second time we blew up (cheating, again) I knew better than to take him back. Second chances are a part of life—but you should never have to offer a third.

The Only Way Out Is Cold Turkey

The official end came on the heels of my semester abroad. He’d called me every night I was away, guilting me about my absence…but when I got home, I found out that he’d simultaneously been having a relationship with a second girlfriend. At this point, none of his behavior surprised me—and it became painfully clear that the only way out was out. After fleeing campus and returning home, I called him, with my best friend holding my hand, and let him have it. Despite his pleading and many, many moments of weakness where I almost reached out to see how he was doing after the breakup, I held my ground. As a result, I got over him in just a few months’ time. For anyone leaving a toxic relationship, I cannot stress this enough: There has to be a clean, full break. There’s too much room for error otherwise.

 

Attractive People Reveal the Ups and Downs of Being Beautiful, and It’s Hard to Say If They’re Lucky

Many tend to think that beautiful people have it easy, and they do, in some ways. But many studies show it’s hardly heaven on earth for them. Some may even leave you wondering if beauty is more of a curse than a blessing.

Bright Side is aware that looks aren’t everything and good-looking people agree with us.

1. People of the same gender like to put them down, and many times they succeed.

Research shows that people feel threatened by beauty and when encountering someone beautiful, they may plan to put them down out of fear or jealousy. For instance, research has proven that if an attractive person has a job interview and is being questioned by a recruiter of the same gender, chances are, they won’t get the job because the interviewer will feel threatened.

People in the office might have a tendency to gossip about good-looking people because they can’t take away their looks, but they can kill their character. Those with good looks agree and express those people are constantly more competitive — specifically with them, pissed off if they don’t feel happy all the time, projecting their insecurities on them, and pushing them away for fear of competition, rejection, jealousy, or any other reason. They feel continually judged like they’re on stage.

2. People usually have higher expectations of them.

Psychologists call this phenomenon the Halo Effect, which is the way people link all kinds of positive features to their beauty by association. But in the case of attractive people, many associate them not only with positive features but also with positive results. Therefore, if someone’s good-looking, they expect them to have a loving family, a successful job, and easy life. Attractive people feel that there are a lot of expectations that they perform well professionally and that their career success naturally has to keep pace with their looks.

But it’s not that simple because they fail too. And the harsh part is that they’ll be continuously judged for it. And heaven forbid if they complain. Many people believe that if someone is attractive, everything bad that happens to them is their own fault.

3. They’re a bit smarter than others, even if some people believe they’re dumb.

A study has suggested that they might be a bit smarter than others. It discovered that intellect is linked to proportional and fit bodies. However, handsome individuals struggle with the stereotype that because they’re good-looking, they must be stupid. They have even gone as far as saying that their friends have confessed that they thought they were too pretty to be smart.

Attractive people may have even experienced the consequences of this stereotype. If they showed they were smart in any way, people wouldn’t like it, and would still judge them. They believe that you’re not allowed to be attractive, kind, intelligent, and self-sufficient all at the same time.

4. Many think attractive people are also nice, funny, and trustworthy.

Because of the Halo Effect, no matter their age, many people unconsciously believe that if someone is gorgeous, then they’re also kind, funny, honest, and reliable.

Handsome individuals admit they’ve experienced this bias and share the fact that people tend to be nicer to them. They’re also able to be more open because people are more forgiving with them. Even children are comfortable around them almost immediately.

5. They’re more persuasive even if they’re not trying to be.

Your uber has arrived

Being attractive gives people more confidence, which grants them the power to persuade others. It has been shown, for example, that when recruiters interview people of the opposite sex for a job, they’re more likely to hire someone attractive because their beauty influences their decision. And even if cute people aren’t trying to persuade someone to go their way, they just need to ask for something to get what they want.

As a result, gorgeous individuals confess that they can get away with things like passing an exam, getting out of parking fines, or getting into clubs for free. Fortunately, many don’t like using their beauty charms to their advantage. They know they have a lot of superficial power over a lot of people but have little-to-no interest in using it.

6. People tend to think they’re healthy.

Tru

Research suggests that facial symmetry can be perceived as a sign of health and that people with facial features that are not deemed as beautiful are more prone to catch a disease and become ill. Aside from the face, the body also counts. It’s not news that people who are considered attractive have a fit body and are an average weight, which makes healthy people stand out. Many beautiful people take care of their bodies and try to stay in shape. They believe in a healthy diet, some light exercise, water, and daily sunscreen.

7. It’s hard for them to find out if someone loves them or is just fooling around.

At the beginning of a relationship, they tend to have some doubts about the intentions of their significant other. Handsome people are not sure if a man or a woman loves them deeply or is simply attracted to them physically. They may even think their partners just want to brag about their looks.

This is why they complain that it’s hard to find a relationship with someone who knows them. They feel like others just tolerate their personality and don’t embrace it. Some beautiful women admit they’re not sure if guys are interested in getting to know them or if they just want a trophy girlfriend.

8. They get too much-unwanted attention which can be tiring, intimidating, and dangerous.

The smile from that handsome man was ok, but after a while, being in the spotlight makes them uncomfortable, awkward, and can lower their confidence. They tend to be insecure, because of the hyper-focused attention on their bodies, and feel like there’s nowhere to hide. If that’s not enough, they also get creepy looks from strangers with bad intentions, so they need to be extra cautious about where they go.

9. But looks aren’t eternal or even their best asset, and they know it.

Yes, being beautiful can have its perks, but it still comes with its limitations. It’s also an asset that fades away. As they age, attractive people feel their physical beauty slipping away in a very magnified way. It’s almost like having a superpower that they start to lose control of. The important thing, though, is to remember that it’s not the most fundamental thing that’s necessary to succeed in life. Take it from a cute guy: “Really though, it’s more about the charm I have that lets me get away with a lot.”

As with most things in life, even beauty has its pros and cons. Which of these advantages do you think is the best? Which of the disadvantages do you think would be horrible to put up with? Start the discussion below!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

5 Things I Learned After My Husband Cheated on Me

Here’s another post from one of my female readers. I think it’s worth sharing. Take it away, Jill!

I have something to confess: people whom you trust blindly can even deceive you in a span of seconds. I have been married to a man for almost years now. We had an unhappy yet satisfying marriage. Things took a turn when I got to know that he had thrown himself into an affair.

I couldn’t believe for months that the love of my life could cheat on me. Being cheated sucks big time. It doesn’t matter how miserable my marriage was – finding out, the person I loved would betray me – was nothing less than a nightmare.

It was as if cheating on me wasn’t enough. He left me for his girlfriend and married her after 2 years – cherry on the top, they are expecting their first child now. Trust me, this is not an experience you’d be willing to go through.

Do you want your forever to last? Here are some hard-earned lessons that I came across when my whole world crumbled to pieces.

Don’t Blame Yourself

If your husband cheated on you is it your fault? No. You are not to blame for his infidelity. It was a unilateral decision that he made – a choice which was made without your consent. His behavior was a very clear reflection of how he was as a person.

Sometimes, I thought that he left me because I wasn’t good enough. You’ll realize it soon that cheating has nothing to do with appearance, money or education. Stop being guilty.

Material things don’t matter. What’s significant is how you feel in each other’s company. Your husband found joy with someone else, so why blame yourself for it?!

Get Over It

Leave your past behind. Try to bring all the positive vibes that help you move on and get wiser to handle relationships in the future. I was distrustful of everyone initially, but with time I have tried to adjust myself and I have started accepting things.

You cannot remain sad and distressed your whole life. You may plan to look for a job. The best thing is to keep yourself busy so that you don’t have time to think about your traumatizing past.

Know Your Worth

I was in a marriage, where I was willing to give away all I had. But if someone doesn’t value you it’s out of your self-control. Don’t let go of your self-respect for the sake of a happy marriage. I wouldn’t recommend it at all.

Always know your worth! There is no point in staying with a person if it’s an abusive relationship. Try to consult a family law firm if you’ve decided to part ways with your partner. I, for one, realized I’m planting water to a dead flower.

Don’t Force Him to Stay

I made the mistake of forcing my husband to stay in the marriage even when he didn’t want to. There’s no point staying in an unwanted marriage.

Divorce is considered to be taboo in a community. But it’s better to let him go if he wants that. You’d be heartbroken initially but you’ll learn to cope up with life.

If he doesn’t want to stay, he has nothing to lose by negotiating with you. Don’t stoop low by clinging on to him. Forcing things on your spouse would just complicate things in the future.

Forgive and Forget

There will always be these two opinions. Sometimes, you’d think it’s okay to forgive him despite what he did to you. Or, you may go with the flow and leave things for God to decide. Forgiving your spouse will help you move on with life. The trust will come later.

If he’s really guilty, you may forgive him this one time and try to rebuild your relationship with your partner. For me, I always believed that it’s better to be alone rather than to be cheated on.

If you don’t want to forgive your partner, that’s your personal choice. It takes time to heal. It took me years to get past the melodrama, but I had my whole life ahead of me. That was the only reason I decided to forgive him and start afresh with him.

Have you internalized your feelings of rejection? Don’t close yourself from the faucet of truth. You definitely are worthy, important and able. You might want to devote your whole existence to the person you love but that existence may come crashing down.

Everything happens for a reason and only you so have a choice to grow from experiences.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1