Category: dating advice

15 Intense Signs of Chemistry that Reveal an Instant Connection

You just met them, but sparks are flying already! But how do you know it’s intense signs of chemistry? Well, it’s time you found out.

If you felt an immediate connection with someone you just met, don’t ignore it. Instead, investigate those emotions because it shows a mutual understanding. What are the intense signs of chemistry you need to remember, you ask? Well, wait no further. I’m about to tell you everything you need to know.

The magic of chemistry

You either have chemistry with someone or you don’t. There’s no in-between and not something you can force. There are some people you just click with, while others turn you off.

There have been a couple of times where I met a guy, and the chemistry was mind-blowing. We couldn’t keep our eyes off each other, the conversation was amazing. It was like we were made for one another.

Okay, fast forward and none of those relationships worked out—except for one, and we’re still together. In other words, intense chemistry isn’t just this feeling of wanting to sleep with someone. It’s also a sign you share something deeper.

What you need to know about the intense signs of chemistry

Sometimes when you really like someone, you can’t tell if they really like you or not. Your mind becomes a little cloudy. Plus, you feel impatient, and I completely understand. So, you want to know if there are intense signs of chemistry between you. Everyone loves a little intensity.

#1 You’re immediately comfortable around them. Usually, when we have a crush, we’re very nervous and uncomfortable around them. But when it’s mutual chemistry, you’re automatically comfortable around them. You feel safe and judgment-free. Remember, chemistry is all about shared energy, and it’s clear you two are vibing.

#2 You can be yourself. Whatever you say, whatever is on your mind, you feel free to say it to them. When we’re uncomfortable, we’re constantly analyzing what we said and what we should say in the future. But when it’s intense chemistry, there’s no pressure to try to be someone you’re not. In fact, you’ve never felt freer than when you’re around them. 

#3 Endless banter. Who doesn’t love the banter with someone they can have a good conversation with? Not everyone loves engaging in small talk, many people want to share a deeper conversation with someone. When the conversation just flows effortlessly, and you feel light, that’s a great sign they understand you on a deeper level.

#4 Eye contact. Never underestimate the importance of eye contact. Most of us communicate non-verbally. When you’re at a bar, how do you know if someone likes you? They look at you. Eye contact is a great way to is if there’s chemistry. If both of you are staring at each other intensely, well, it’s clear there’s something going on.

#5 You get each other’s humor. When you hang out with someone with who you don’t share chemistry, you may not understand their humor and vice versa.

Laughter is one of the best ways to connect with someone, and if you two share a similar sense of humor, well, that’s a sign of intense chemistry. Good chemistry is when you can both laugh together at the same jokes.

#6 It’s all about one another. Whether at a party or out with friends, you’re always focused on each other. You make sure both your needs are being met, and share affection when you can. Chemistry isn’t just about the sexual connection you share; it’s deeper than that. You genuinely care about one another.

#7 Time is relative. When you’re with them, you’re not looking at your watch or checking your phone. When you spend time together, no one is keeping track of the clock. Whether it’s five hours or ten minutes, time flies when you are together. If there’s a real connection, then you are in your own world.

#8 You can’t wait to see them. The minute you leave them, you’re waiting to see them again. The butterflies in your stomach are going wild, and the anticipation is killing you until you see them again. You don’t want to be away from them; you feel like something is pulling you to them every time.

#9 You love to tease each other. You may think teasing sounds childish, but when you’re with someone you like, teasing can be used as a form of flirting. If you share intense chemistry, there’s going to be a lot of flirting. But, that’s not a bad thing, I mean, who doesn’t love flirting with someone they like?

#10 You have butterflies. Your stomach is going wild whether you’re beside them or apart. You’re nervous, in a good way, and your stomach is reminding you of that. If you’re feeling butterflies, don’t ignore that. This is a sign of great chemistry going on.

#11 You annoy each other. But in a Notebook type of way. You will pick on each other for no real reason. Rather, you are testing the boundaries and trying to get a reaction from one another. If you hear people telling you that you’re an “old married couple,” well, you have a real connection going on between you two. 

#12 You can handle silence. There’s an awkward silence, but then there’s a good silence, the silence that’s needed. If you can’t sit beside someone in complete silence and feel comfortable, well, then something is off. Intense chemistry isn’t just about talking. It’s also about how you share those quiet moments together.

#13 The feeling doesn’t go away. If you share intense chemistry, it’s not going away that fast. When two people feel close to one another, that’s a bond that isn’t easy to break. This isn’t a feeling that’s going to just disappear overnight. It’ll last for a long time.

#14 And then there’s sex. I can’t pretend this part doesn’t matter. Intense chemistry is deep, but it’s also sexual. When you are around each other, there’s a constant sexual tension floating in the air. You want to rip their clothes off, and they can’t stop licking their lips when they look at you.

#15 There’s a flow. Here’s the thing, when you are together, things just flow. You feel comfortable; they feel comfortable. There’s nothing forced. And this flow doesn’t usually happen unless there’s intense chemistry, and this is rare. If you feel this flow, then ride the wave and don’t overanalyze it.

Sharing chemistry with someone is an amazing experience and definitely something you need to enjoy. Are you sharing these intense signs of chemistry with someone special?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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This Is the Only Real Way to Know If Your Partner Is Micro-Cheating

Is micro-cheating a real thing?

What is micro cheating? How do you define it? Is it just as bad as “normal” cheating in relationships?

Plus, how can you communicate relationship boundaries when it comes to this kind of emotional infidelity?

Micro cheating can be defined in many ways:

Cosmopolitan says that it’s the “small things you do that could have whispers of infidelity, without actually being unfaithful.”

Time magazine defines it as “a set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.”

And Urban Dictionary says that it’s “small acts considered disloyal within a relationship. Nothing too serious, but not innocent either.”

Because there are so many definitions of micro-cheating, a whole lot of behaviors may or may not even qualify — a raised eyebrow, a furtive smile, lightly touching someone on the arm, browsing profiles on hookup apps but not actually hooking up, chatting with an ex on social media, checking out a little porn here and there, sexting, webcamming with strangers, going to a strip club with the guys (or gals), or getting a massage when away on business.

What is considered cheating? Where do we draw between micro-cheating and actually being unfaithful?

Here’s a thought: Maybe there’s no line to draw. Maybe cheating is cheating.

Maybe calling a behavior that violates one’s relationship boundaries micro-cheating is simply a way of justifying that behavior.

Or maybe there is a meaningful difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating.

Cheating is “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your partner.”

Notice that this definition of infidelity does not name specific sexual or romantic behaviors.

Instead, it focuses on what matters most in romantic relationships — mutual trust.

If you’ve engaged in sexual or romantic behaviors that violate the trust in your relationship, you’ve cheated.

My definition also suggests that a list of behaviors that do and don’t qualify as cheating depends on the couple.

If you and your partner have mutually agreed that looking at porn is not an issue, so be it. And who cares what your grandmother thinks about it? This is your relationship to define, not hers.

If, however, you and your significant other have mutually agreed that porn is not OK, then plugging in that flash drive filled with your favorite videos is cheating.

Interestingly, for betrayed partners, it’s usually not the specifics of what you’ve done that causes the most pain.

What hurts the most is the lying, the manipulation, and the keeping of secrets from the cheating spouse — the lies of omission.

When you engage in sexual and romantic behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (including marriage vows), you’ve cheated. Period.

And when you lie about that behavior and keep it secret, you’re compounding the damage.

That said, maybe micro-cheating really is a thing — a less-damaging form of cheating.

My definition of micro-cheating centers not on the specifics of the “sextracurricular” act, but on how deeply that behavior and any lies and secrets surrounding that behavior impacts the betrayed partner when the behavior comes to light.

In other words, how profoundly is relationship trust affected by the act and by covering up the act?

If you find yourself now wondering what constitutes cheating (micro or full-blown) in your relationship, initiate a discussion with your partner about what behaviors are and are not acceptable.

When you both can mutually define your relationship boundaries in this way, cheating is much less likely.

Moreover, by being open and honest with one another about your sexual desires and limits, you can develop a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and relationship trust.

In short, you strengthen your intimate connection.

The more open and honest you and your partner are with each other, the more intimacy you will have. So give this conversation a go.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Tales of Rock: Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson Leaves Wife Of 29 Years For “Superfan”

About a year after splitting up with his wife of 29 years Paddy Bowden, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson has reportedly moved into a Paris home with his new fitness instructor girlfriend.
Dickinson’s new muse, Leana Dolci, is said to be 15 years younger than he is.

The Mirror reports the heavy metal legend could be headed for an expensive divorce in excess of $90 million, about half of his fortune.

Bowden and the rocker have three children, all of whom are now adults. She is reportedly vacationing in South America, “having some space” from all the hubbub about her marriage.

Dickinson recently confirmed in an interview that he was indeed living in France “with my girlfriend.”

Over the past year, Dolci and Dickinson have gotten serious; she’s even met his children. She “has always been a huge Iron Maiden fan,” one source told The Mirror, noting that she followed the band “around for nearly 10 years.”

In 2017, a couple of years after beating stage 3 throat cancer, Dickinson published his autobiography, What Does This Button Do? The book’s title is a reference to the singer’s unending curiosity, which has led him to success in rock and roll and in other pursuits.

Dickinson is also an airline pilot and flies Iron Maiden from gig to gig on the band’s own plane.

One Thousand Page Views In One Day!

Wow. Just wow. When I started this blog back in 2016, I got 963 page views for the whole year. Yesterday I surpassed 1,000 in one day! I’m absolutely amazed.

I’ve had some great traffic days in the last six months, but never reached this height before. 

I am so grateful to everyone who takes the time to read, subscribe, and like my blog!

This is an extra special Thanksgiving holiday because I have so much to be thankful for.

I’ll continue to bring you the most interesting content I can come up with for your reading pleasure. 2021 is right around the corner, and we’ll all grow together.

Thank you, one and all!

Charles

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Women Can Tell You’re Insecure if You Do These Things

As we continue to have more complex conversations about what it means to be a man today, the more our old-fashioned ideas of masculinity come into question. In a recent thread on Reddit, women started sharing some of the things that they’ve noticed straight guys do that are meant to show how manly they are… and how these traits more often than not just betray their insecurities.

Feigning ignorance of things considered “beneath” them is a common one, especially when it comes to pop culture. “My slightly older coworker never misses a chance to mention he doesn’t know who Drake is or what Snapchat is because he likes to hate on the younger generation as much as possible,” reads one comment. “It’s super cringy.”

This lack of knowledge is almost always fueled by some form of elitism, and among guys often extends to an exaggerated ignorance of all things “girly.” As one commenter recalls: “I had a friend who basically had a whole performance to show how little he knew about makeup, nail polish, or clothing. I don’t expect people to know a ton about makeup, but pretending you barely know what lipstick is takes things a bit far.”

While such feigned cluelessness sounds silly, it can also be some pretty regressive ideas about gender roles. This is especially harmful if that aversion to feminine-coded things is passed down from parent to child. “I work in a childcare and there are always dads who get super insecure when their son wants something pink or girly,” said one commenter. “I got chewed out because one kid begged me to let him wear the pink pull-ups instead of the boy ones. His dad was so mad at me. Like I was trying to turn his son gay or into a ‘sissy’ or something like that. Your kid picked them out, not me!”

Perpetuating sexist or misogynist behavior doesn’t just let down the next generation, it also holds back the guys doing it, says one commenter, who bemoans the idea of men policing each other’s masculinity: “When they avoid something they enjoy (or would likely enjoy based on other things they also like) because they’re worried about how others will judge their manliness if they do. When they do things they clearly hate/resent because they’re afraid their manliness will be called into question if they don’t. Whenever they judge other men for doing things that aren’t manly. When they get irrationally upset at somehow being exposed to something “girly” even if by accident (freaking out about using the wrong shampoo for instance).”

Another misguided, toxic masculine idea is that being an “alpha” is all about domination and making others look weak.

“Genuine leaders don’t tear anyone down, they don’t try to make themselves look big either,” reads one comment on this topic. “People respect them for the way they act towards others and follow them because of it.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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10 Ways to Woo a Girl the Right Way

The early days of dating are always the fun part. It’s where you can’t stop thinking about your girl and how you can make her happy. From flowers to chocolates and balloons, you have a lot of plans that are guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

However, as courtship ends, you feel less and less enthusiastic about wooing her. And that’s where problems happen and relationships break apart.

To keep your relationship in the best condition, here are some tips on how to woo a girl:

1. Be Genuine

We live in a world wherein being genuine has become such a rare quality. People are always being fake, pretending to be someone they’re not in order to impress the girl. Just think of online social media platforms where single men and women create “images” of themselves.

In-person though, a discerning eye can tell real people from fakes. Be genuine and be appreciated for who you truly are.

2. Be chivalrous

I would strongly like to believe that chivalry isn’t dead. Be polite, open doors, walk on the traffic side of the road, and escort her and her friend’s home.

You may think these are small things but these small gestures will never go unnoticed. It’s not that she can’t do these things by herself but it is always good to know that there is someone who’s looking out for her.

3. Give her your undivided attention

Get off that mobile phone of yours when you are with her. You will have plenty of time to check game scores or reply to your messages and emails when you are home. Unless it is extremely urgent, it will always be appreciated if you can give your phones a rest and give your undivided attention to her.

4. Notice her and likes & dislikes

Always take mental notes of her likes and dislikes and surprise her when she least expects it. Take her to her favorite concert, order her favorite drink when she’s running late, notice when she gets a haircut or wears something different.

She will really appreciate the fact that you are taking a keen interest in her and what she likes, and it will make her feel very happy.

5. Be there when she needs someone

You sure as hell don’t need to be a girl’s doormat but you definitely want to be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it. If she needs someone by her side, make sure it’s you. It will show her how committed, dependable, and serious you are about having her in your life and wanting to be in hers.

6. Don’t keep talking about yourself, learn to listen

No one likes a person who only talks about themselves and shows no interest in learning about the other person. If you are only going to keep bragging about yourself and your life, rest assured she will not turn to give you another look. Show a real interest in getting to know her better; it will take you a long way.

7. Make her feel special

If she is having a bad day, let her vent to you and be supportive about it. In fact, all you probably need to do is to listen.

Remember small dates like the first time you’ve met or the first time you took her out on a date. Make an effort to celebrate these with her. Do whatever is in your power to make her feel loved and cherished.

8. Keep that element of surprise

Now that you have learned about what makes her happy, surprise her by using that information to your advantage. If she has a fantasy of a perfect date, make it happen for her. If she’s feeling low, show up on her doorstep to take her for a drive. Keep the element of surprise alive in order to keep her wondering and the excitement going.

9. Let her know that you are thinking about her

Drop her a message in the middle of the workday to check how her day is going or pick her up from work so that you’ll get that extra 30 minutes to spend together. Message her good morning first thing when you wake up or send her flowers or any small memento that makes you think of her.

Whatever big or small it may be, show her that you are thinking about her.

10. Open up to her

Many men are brought up to avoid being vulnerable in front of the girl. However, think about it. You only open up in front of people you truly care about and are truly comfortable with. If you talk about your fears or your problems or what makes you sad, it will show her that you are really invested in her and are not there just to pass your time.

We live in a world where women are strong and independent. They don’t need a man to be able to provide for them. They don’t need someone who can pay for a date. They are more than capable of doing that themselves.

Instead, how about a man who can treat them right because somehow that breed has become very rare in the 21st century. Make her feel loved and special. Always think of being in the wooing phase even after being in a stable relationship for a while.

This way you will never take each other for granted. Often, spontaneity is the key to a happy relationship. Be on your toes and keep her on hers. In turn, she will surprise you with her love and loyalty as well.

As Marilyn Monroe says, “A girl doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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13 Types of Men You Shouldn’t Date if You’re Looking for True Love

Not to call out men, but some of them suck. So, ladies, here are the types of men you shouldn’t date and fend off heartbreak.

Here’s another one submitted to me by a female reader. Thought it worth sharing…

Thank you, Sylvia!

Take it from someone who has dated her fair share of the types of men you shouldn’t date. If I can prevent you from going through what I did I will do everything in my power to make that happen.

Ladies, we are smart. We know what we want. But, we are not perfect and we often let men get into our hearts and mess with our minds. It isn’t our fault. I blame it on biology.

For any men reading this, I do NOT mean all men. As the title clearly states, this is about certain types of men you shouldn’t date, not all men. With that being said, any man who ever questions something you say with, “not all men,” is probably a type of man you shouldn’t date.

There are types of men you shouldn’t date?

As open-minded as I like to consider myself to be, yes, there are types of men you shouldn’t date. There are types of men you shouldn’t even get near. And yes, ladies, there are types of women that men shouldn’t date too. 

Is this a punishment for people that mistreat us? Not exactly, it is self-preservation. It is a way to protect ourselves from trauma before it happens. I know that we cannot prevent heartbreak. It will happen to the best of us.

But we can prevent unnecessary heartbreak and pain that was avoidable. There are men that should not be allowed to date us. They should be forced to wear a sign that says, “do not date me.” But, since that isn’t a law *yet*, we will have to do the work to weed out the bad ones ourselves.

Types of men you shouldn’t date

I hope I didn’t scare you too much, but just enough to focus on you. Women should not have to put up with men that mistreat us. But, there will always be some of us who get swept up or stuck in manipulation.

This is for those of you on the lookout for types of men you shouldn’t date and those who aren’t sure at all what to look for or where to look. Everything from red flags to subtle behaviors can pinpoint the types of men you shouldn’t date, so bear with me.

#1 The Procrastinator. A guy that puts off everything until the last minute is not just doing so at work. He pays his bills at the last second or even late. He is generally irresponsible. Not to mention, he cannot make you a priority.

This is the type of guy that promises you will do something great for your anniversary but continues putting it off until you are too old to leave your front porch. You do not want to end up with this guy. So, why date him now? You want a man that can keep his promises.

#2 The Charmer. A charming guy is great. He makes you less nervous. He knows the exact right thing to say and exactly when to say it. And that is what makes him so dangerous. I’m going to pull from Disney for this metaphor, but remember Frozen? Well, Hans is this guy.

And Anna’s lack of knowledge about men she shouldn’t date almost led to the downfall of Arendelle. Before getting sucked into the charm of a man like this, remember you don’t want a guy who is perfect. If he is, he is hiding something. You want a guy that is real.

This a real-life Kristoff. He may have some quirks and woes, but he cares and is there for you.

#3 The Generalizer. This is my personal favorite. This is what I dealt with for four-plus years. So I am an expert on this type of man you shouldn’t date. This is the guy that sort of says the right thing. You like him, and you think he likes you but are never quite sure.

He gives you just enough hope to stick around, but never enough to feel confident in the relationship. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend or introduce you to his friends or family, but he does show signs he likes you.

If he cannot be straightforward with you one way or another, it will never go anywhere past his confusion, so get out now, before you are too hooked. 

#4 The Love Bomber. A love bomber is dangerous. This is someone that rushes into things really quickly. This is someone that says I love you early. They spoil you and treat you how you always wanted to be treated. Sound great, right?

No. A love bomber is on the hunt for someone looking for acceptance and wants to be validated, and they do that. They love bomb you and smother you with amazingness so that you crave that feeling. And they do it just long enough to trap you.

Then another side of them comes out. The bomb goes off so to speak and this love bomber can become controlling, abusive, and even violent. This is a master manipulator. So, look out for a guy who loves too much, too fast. He cannot love you if he doesn’t know you.

#5 The Avoider. Much like the procrastinator this man is emotionally juvenile. He may like you, you may have a great time together, but anytime you want to take a step forward he avoids it like the plague.

He will make excuses not to meet your friends or family. He won’t make room for your toothbrush and and extra set of underwear at his place. He is pretty much avoiding commitment. Think of him as Chandler Bing from Friends before Monica.

He has potential, but you deserve better. You do not want to be his Janice.

#6 The Secret Keeper. A guy who keeps secrets cannot be trusted. Relationships are not just about communication, but honesty. And if he is shady, there is a reason for it. Ladies, we have a sixth sense, we can smell when something fishy is going on.

Instead of second-guessing yourself, second guess him. Do not go through his drawers or his phone. I am not telling you to be a crazy jealous person. Instead, confront this guy. Ask him for straight answers to the things he has been hiding. If he cannot be upfront with you, you can do better.

#7 The Pathological Liar. My most recent ex was this guy. For the longest time, I rolled my eyes and kept on dating him. He was a pathological liar. And this isn’t someone who lies about cheating necessarily, but about everything.

At first, he told me he got into a prestigious school and had this awesome job. When I found out it wasn’t true I didn’t push, I assumed he was just trying to impress me and moved on. But these small fibs and random and almost pointless lies continued.

For a while, it just seemed like this odd yet harmless thing to me until I uncovered some truths about his past. The lies carried into every aspect of him and our relationship. If someone lies with no purpose, they have no problem lying to anyone. 

#8 The Cheater. ALERT! ALERT! Once a cheater always a cheater is not just a saying. This person has a track record. You wouldn’t take a job with a CEO that has a history or embezzlement, so why date a man that has a history of being dishonest?

We all hope we can be the one that he will stay with and won’t cheat on. We even tell ourselves we are the real deal and the other girls are just for sex. But do we believe that? Even if we did, we deserve better. We deserve a man that is loyal and devoted.

If you know he cheated before, calculate your risk. If he cheated once in high school or college and regrets it, go in with caution. But if he has cheated in the last three years, turn the other way. This is the type of man you want to avoid.

#9 The Misogynist. If he doesn’t treat women equally, he won’t treat you equally. If he is only respectful to women he finds attractive and not anyone else, he is a misogynist.

No matter how much good you see in him and how successful or funny he is, a misogynist will never let you soar. He will never let you do better than him. He will not consider your feelings or opinions. He may be damn good at pretending, but a misogynist is not a man, he is a coward.

#10 The Green-Eyed Monster. Jealousy is ugly, my friend. We all get a taste of envy once in a while and that is normal, but when it gets out of hand, you shut it down. I, myself, had trust issues due to past relationships. And I knew I needed to take a step back from dating or else I would be a jealous mess.

As someone who has dealt with this personally, I can tell you someone who is jealous was likely burned in the past. This doesn’t mean you should feel sorry for them and let them control your life. It means, if you like them, give them a chance to get over their trust issues on their own.

If they are jealous either way, you do not need that in your life. Jealousy doesn’t just drive them nuts, but it drives you nuts. You want to prove you are honest and loyal, but shouldn’t have to. Jealousy means there is no trust, and you cannot date someone that doesn’t trust you.

#11 The Hulk. A man who has anger issues is the type of man you shouldn’t date. This is a man that cannot control himself. Whether he punches walls or gets in fights in bars, there is no saying if or when that anger will make its way back to you.

Save yourself the trouble. There are plenty of not violent men out there that are still passionate.

#12 The Dude. The man that is a child is not the man for you. You should not have to care for the man you’re dating. If he can’t hold down a job, do his own laundry, and cook at least three different meals, he needs to grow up.

A man who is lazy in life is lazy in love. 

#13 The Ghost. The Simba of twenty-first-century humans. This is the man that disappears without a trace. Maybe you chatted for a week, maybe you went on a great date, maybe you have been dating for months, then he just dropped off the face of the earth.

No one is unreachable in this day and age. He is making the choice not to talk to you and not to answer you. Whether he haunts your Instagram or keeps up on your Snapchat, he is not interested in you at the level you deserve. Even if he comes back to life and messages you, he does not deserve your attention.

There are men out there with the respect to actually talk to you, find one of them.

It may take a little longer to find your Prince Charming when you cut out the types of men you shouldn’t date, but it is well worth it!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

4 Mantras To Recite Before Breaking Up With Someone, So You Can Let Go

There are few things harder than making the decision to end a relationship, especially when your partner doesn’t see it coming. Regardless of what your reasons might be for the breakup, you may catch yourself second-guessing and questioning your decision. What if you’re making the wrong choice? What if you’re not as happy without them? Dwelling on these questions may make you spiral, so in order to keep your head above water, it’s helpful to have a few mantras to recite before breaking up with someone.

Now that cuffing season is officially in full swing, it can be easy to get caught up in the idea of being in a relationship. Having a special someone to come home to and marathon cringeworthy Hallmark movies with can provide a huge source of comfort during the holiday season. However, this time of year, some people may feel more inclined to stay in a relationship that they know deep down isn’t totally fulfilling them. If you fall into this category, you may be dragging your feet when you know your connection is at a dead-end, and sometimes, you just gotta rip the band-aid off. To help you do that, here are some mantras to keep in mind.

I fully trust myself and my instincts.

Reflection of a young attractive caucasian woman looking to mirror. Wearing casual, beautiful blue eyes, serious look. Indoors, copy space.

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If you’ve been going in circles trying to decide whether or not to break up with someone, it can feel almost impossible to get out of your own head and look at things objectively. There’s always going be what-ifs and unanswered questions, but the key is to have faith in yourself and your instincts. This is especially important to keep in mind if the breakup isn’t mutual, and your ex-partner tries to convince you that things are better with them than without them.

Nicole Richardson, a licensed counselor and marriage and family therapist, recommends taking a step back and remembering why you wanted to do this in the first place. “It is important to have a list of all the reasons you broke up,” she tells Elite Daily. “And remind yourself when your brain starts to play the tape of all the ‘good ol’ times.’”

I’m focused on prioritizing my happiness.

Pain is a given after any breakup, and if you had deep feelings for each other, it may not be an easy transition at first. Because feelings don’t just fade away the day after a breakup, getting to a point where you feel OK again may be hard on both of you. If you’re someone who’s prioritized your partner’s feelings instead of your own in the past, try to switch mindsets and focusing on your own happiness and well-being. Take some time to really think about what makes you happy, whether it’s hanging out with your friends, trying a new workout class, or eating your bodyweight in double-stuff oreos (all three are equally valid options, IMO).

It’s OK to care about someone and move on without them.

This mantra can be the hardest to internalize. When you’re so used to having your life intertwined with someone else’s, it can be extremely difficult to imagine yourself moving on without them, especially if there’s no bad blood between the two of you. Just because you want to go your separate ways doesn’t mean you don’t still care about each other — it can just means that you’re ready to start a new chapter in your life and figure out who you are as an individual.

I deserve to be in a relationship that fulfills me.

We’re all tired of hearing the cliché: “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, but sometimes, it really can help put things in perspective. Currently, there are over 7.5 billion people on this planet, so your odds of finding a relationship that’s fulfilling, exciting, and uplifting are fortunately pretty high. Keep reminding yourself that there’s probably someone better out there, and that you deserve to love and be loved unconditionally.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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11 Psychological Tricks That Make Him Want You so Much More

Sometimes you just need a little strategy …

I honestly believe that love is something that can be cultivated … to a point.

There has to be a spark of interest there at first, but how deep someone falls in love with you will often be a result of the effort you both put forth to make that feeling happen.

Though you can never force a person to like you (and should never try, even if you could), there are definitely some psychology-based dating tips and methods that can help you learn how to get a guy to like you — and make people think of you more highly in general.

These psychological “mind tricks” are even backed by science.

If you’re trying to get his attention but aren’t exactly sure how to get a guy to like you, give these psychology-based dating tips and tricks a spin.

1. Ask him for favors.

Studies have shown that people tend to like people who they do favors for, even if they initially hated them.

This is because we subconsciously make ourselves believe that the person would do the same for us as we did for them.

This reverse psychology phenomenon is known as the Ben Franklin Effect, since the Founding Father himself was the one who discovered this strange trick. As he wrote in his autobiography: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

2. Compliment him … just not all the time.

Most guys don’t get complimented frequently, so when they do hear a compliment, they tend to eat it up.

The only problem is that compliments lose their significance if you hear them all the time.

By spacing out compliments to a max of once per day, it keeps him on his toes.

3. Prolong your eye contact just a little bit longer.

It’s true. Studies have found that prolonged eye contact increases the likelihood that two people will fall in love.

The man behind the groundbreaking research on this subject, social psychologist Arthur Aron, says, “the two biggest factors to falling in love through eye contact are i) the other person is reasonably appropriate and desirable, and ii) there is reason to think they might be interested in you.”

4. Use his name.

The names we’re given are music to our ears.

Hearing your name being said by someone is an ego boost, albeit a small one.

Studies have shown that hearing your own name has a unique effect on brain activation, as our “brains involuntarily respond to the sound of our own names, even in a state in which we are unable to respond to or act on anything else. What could be more powerful than that?!”

5. Mirror his gestures.

One of the most common ways that people show a connection to someone is to subtly copy their gestures.

This is actually done on a subconscious level when it’s a seriously natural jive.

Psychologists have noticed that you can actually create a closer bond by mirroring someone, even if those gestures are done totally consciously.

Who knew?

6. Don’t be afraid to show him your flaws.

A lot of women tend to want to hide their flaws and look “perfect” as a way to attract men.

Though you definitely don’t have to show all your flaws immediately, showing him that you occasionally goof up makes you human to him… and it also shows him that you’re not a fake.

7. Expect good things from him.

Among psychologists, this is known as the Pygmalion Effect and it says that we tend to mold to the expectations that people set for us.

If you think he’s a jerk, then you’ll behave in a way that will encourage him to be a jerk, even if it’s on a subconscious level.

So, expect him to be good to you and he will be better to you than if you expected him to be a twerp.

8. Let him talk about himself.

People love to talk about themselves.

We are our own favorite subjects, even if we aren’t narcissists by nature.

By asking him questions about himself, what he does for a living, and getting him to open up, you’re getting him to like you more by indulging him in his favorite topic of conversation.

9. Have a life outside of him.

You know who loves having a woman who has her man as the center of her universe?

Abusers and people who are way too insecure to have a healthy relationship.

By showing him that you’re balanced and not desperate, you’re giving him the green light to pursue you without worrying of you becoming a Stage 5 Clinger.

10. Show that you have similar values, hobbies, and traits to him.

Studies show that we tend to fall in love (or associate) with people when we share similar values and backgrounds as them, a phenomenon known as Similar/Attraction Theory.

So, if he’s a rebel, show your rebellious side.

If he’s a family guy, talk about how important your parents are to you.

11. Be ready to walk if he still doesn’t reciprocate.

Nothing is as sexy as a girl who values herself enough to stop chasing a man.

Be ready to walk if he doesn’t reciprocate feelings.

You never know; he might come around.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

You’ve probably heard it before—boys love to complain about how confusing girls can be. But us girls know firsthand that understanding guys can be just as complicated. In hopes of helping girls better understand the guy’s point of view, we surveyed 150 guys about a way-worthy topic: you! What do guys wish you knew?

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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