14 Little Moments That Make You Feel Single AF

The struggle is real.

 

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You’ve accepted the fact that you are single. Nay, you’ve embraced it! You love living the single life and all the bonuses that come with it (You don’t have to share the bed! You can keep your apartment at whatever temperature you want!). However, certain things in life exist solely to remind you of your relationship status. And each one of these instances has left you saying to yourself, “I am single AF.”

1. Getting invited to a wedding and being graciously given a plus-one. But instead, you’re like, “Can I bring a bottle of sauvignon blanc as my plus-one?” You don’t mind going to weddings alone, really, you don’t. But having to send the RSVP card back to the bride with a big fat X over the box for “will be enjoying my tenderloin alone and will also probably die alone while we’re at it” gets more painful and real each time.

2. Bouquet tosses. While we’re on the topic of weddings, why must every wedding do the bouquet toss to the “Single Ladies” song? You used to love that song but now as soon as it comes on, the dance floor parts like the Red Sea and everybody turns and stares at you, the lone single lady who will probably still not catch the bouquet.

3. When your best friend gets a boyfriend. NNNOOOOOOOOooOOoOOooo! R.I.P., Friday night wing woman, Saturday afternoon brunch buddy, and happy hour homie. T’was real while it lasted.

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4. Your kitchen pantry. It’s basically a leaning tower of Easy Mac boxes and approximately nine bottles of wine you’ve stocked up on. And your fridge is full of leftover takeout food that you hold on to so your kitchen appliances don’t look completely empty and barren, like your love life.

5. Recipes that yield two servings. You decide to actually cook for once, but every recipe makes enough food for you and the boyfriend you don’t have. Why, god, why? Is it that hard to make recipes with measurements for single people so you don’t have to be further single-shamed by your penne pasta? The only upside to this is having dinner ready for the rest of the week. Let’s be real, you didn’t have plans anyway.

6. When even what’s-her-name on Facebook gets engaged before you. A new day, a new Facebook notification that everyone except you is happily engaged. Or already married. Or on kid no. 5.

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8. Having to list an emergency contact on forms. Let’s see, there’s that guy you met on Bumble who you’re kind of texting, or your best friend who is now married and pregnant. Or maybe you should jot down your mom’s name for the 50th time. All you really want is to get your eyebrows waxed in peace, dammit.

9. Your mom. She loves to pry and loves reminding you how bad she wants grandkids even more. She says things like, “I’m not gonna live forever, you know,” and, “When I was your age, I was married with two kids!” If ever you’re feeling good about where you are in the single life, don’t go visit your parents.

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10. Family vacations. Your siblings all bring their significant others, but you are flying solo (literally) in a middle seat between a baby who won’t stop crying and an old man who won’t stop snoring. Your parents always encourage you to bring a friend but you respectfully decline because you don’t need their pity.

11. When you find a cockroach or something in your apartment. The only person who can deal with it is you. Same goes for clogged drains and broken toilets. You’re on your own.

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12. Fall. With all the hayrides, apple picking, and new TV show line-ups, fall (aka cuddle season) is a great time for couples. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be sitting around and sulking. You’ll be spending that time prepping your badass Harley Quinn Halloween costume so you can put all the couples’ costumes to shame.

13. Clothes that are hard to put on by yourself. Dresses with hard-to-reach back zippers. Those stupid hook and eye clasps. Super-tight body-con dresses. Theses things are too hard to put on/take off by yourself, so you give up and wear something else instead.

14. Bad dates. You finally decide to go out with someone, only to realize you’d be much happier cuddled up alone on your couch with your mermaid blanket watching The Bachelor with a glass of rosé and a giant tub of hummus than listen to him talk about himself any longer. Being single is better if that’s the alternative.

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26 Body Language Signs That Mean He’s Into You

Figure him out before he opens his mouth.

One of the most frustrating aspects of dating is the fact that both men and women don’t always say exactly what they’re feeling precisely when they feel it. But, thank bejesus, at least we can pick up on some helpful cues.

In fact, unconscious body language signals can be extremely telling, says Patti Wood, a body language expert with more than 30 years of experience and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body LanguageYou can figure out what a guy is thinking, or how much he’s into you, by the way he moves when he’s around you.

In the early stages of a new relationship (like when you first meet an online date), look for the following body language signs to confirm that a guy is totally into you:

1. His pupils are huge. Either you’re in a super-dark place, or this subtle signal means he’s into you. “Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something,” Wood says.

2. His eyebrows raise up when he sees you. “If you likes you and he likes what he sees as soon as he sees you, he wants more of you and soon the aperture of his eyes increases, making his eyebrows raise,” Wood says. This also means that he’s interested in whatever you’re saying.

3. He shows you his front teeth when he smiles. “Guys stop smiling like this around the age of 5 — unless they’re really happy,” Wood says. He might not show off a toothy grin while casually flirting, but on a really awesome date when he’s having loads of fun? Look for teeth: “When he feels really happy, he’s not covering that up,” Wood says.

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5. He licks his lips in a cute (not creepy) way. When you’re attracted to someone, your mouth produces extra saliva, Wood says. In response, he might quickly lick his lips or press them together. (Slower = creepster.

6. He locks eyes with your face — not your eyes. You might think that a guy who is totally enamored by you will find it hard to peel his eyes away. But now that everyone is used to being glued to their phones, nonstop eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. So, new rule: If he spends about 80 percent of your interaction looking from your eyes to your nose and lips, he’s into you, Wood says.

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7. He takes a deep breath when he sees you. Yes, men do require oxygen. But when he subconsciously takes a deep breath — he’ll pull in his stomach and puff out his chest — it’s a subconscious way to make his upper body look broader and his waist look smaller, two qualities that make him look more fit and (from an evolutionary perspective) more desirable, Wood says. In other words, he’s into you and he’s trying to attract you.

8. The moment he sees you, he wants to touch you or really look at you.“What someone does as soon as they come through the door says a lot about what’s important to them,” Wood says. He won’t just walk in to your place and settle down without a hug, kiss, or long glance first.

9. He leans toward you when you talk. In a noisy bar, this sign might not hold much weight, but when he can physically hear you perfectly well and leans in anyway, it means he’s interested in what you have to say — and you, in general.

10. He puts his hands on his hips with his elbows out to the sides. This stance takes up more space than standing with his arms against your sides, so this is a male power signal, Wood says. They use it to show physical superiority over other men. In this situation, and if he’s angled toward you, it means he’s seeking attention from you.

11. He touches your knee or tucks your hair behind your ear. When he initiates physical contact under the guise of another reason (like say, to compliment how soft your pants are), it’s a test to see how you respond to his touch, Wood says. Touch is a tool he can use to test your limits, so this could mean he’s only interested in sex, Wood says. If he really likes you, though, he might pull back extra slowly and smile sweetly as he does it, which means he wants to take the time to get closer to you.
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12. He sits with his legs spread. This exposes his man parts, which are full of sensitive nerve endings. It’s a vulnerable position that could mean he’s willing to put himself out there (literally and emotionally) to get to know you. (Or, he could just be manspreading, tbh.)

13. He angles his pelvis toward you. Because it’s an overtly sexual body part, it often signals sexual interest—or lack thereof, Wood says. If he moves his hips away from you, it’s probably the latter.

14. He points his toes toward you. Feet are involved in the fight-or-flight response that kicks in when you’re in danger, so they’re largely controlled by the unconscious mind—and can be very telling in social interactions. “The feet tend to point where the heart wants to go,” Wood says. Of course, timing is super important here: If you’re talking to a guy who seems interested, you touch his arm, and then see his feet angle away from you, the context says he’s no longer interested.

15. He crosses his legs. If he crosses them in a way that turns his torso and upper body away from you, he might be disinterested. But if he crosses his legs away and turns the rest of his body toward you, it could just mean that he’s shy. But this depends on the guy.

16. He shuffles toward you while you’re talking. Duh, he obviously wants to get closer to you.

17. He talks to you without facing you. While this might be a sign he’s keeping his options open, Wood says, don’t rush to judge a great conversationalist just because he chats you up while he’s looking elsewhere. If he makes an effort to find a common thread or asks you lots of questions, his body language may reflect his personality (shy), and he could actually be totally enthralled by you.

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18. He touches his throat. The throat represents communication and vulnerability, says Wood says. If he reaches up to touch it during your interaction, he’s interested in you and worried about coming across well. But again, context can play a key role: If you’re talking to a player, a throat touch could signal dishonesty. So feel him out, and look for other signs on this list before you go reassure him.

19. When he holds your hand, he presses his palm against yours. This kind of full-on hand-holding signifies a desire to connect. The same goes for interlocking fingers. On the other hand, an arched palm means he’s scared or may be holding something back.

20. He grazes your forearm while he’s talking. The message is loud and clear: He wants your attention, be it to impress you or to make sure you’re listening — because he wants to be heard.

21. He walks beside you. If he’s constantly two steps ahead of you, it means he’s more concerned about himself than you, Wood says. If he’s not leading you through a scary or crowded space, he should be adjusting his pace to match yours.
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22. He sits side-by-side with you as often as he can. Even if you have a comfy armchair next to your tiny couch, he’s opting to squeeze next to you instead. If you’re at a restaurant that has booths, he won’t shy away from sitting on the same side instead of across from you. This is symbolic of him being on the same “team” as you, says Wood.

23. He plays with his glass. Wood says this can be a sign of nervousness — or attraction. A caress could suggest he wants to touch you.

24. His voice changes into a slower, sweeter tone. According to Wood, by doing this, he’s showing you he can let down his guard and be vulnerable with you.

25. He minimizes interruptions and distractions. Beyond just putting his phone away when he’s with you (the absolute lowest bar of courtesy on a date), he resists interjecting your story to comment on the football game playing behind you or the Cajun fries being too spicy. However, even if he does interrupt you (we’re all human!), an interested guy will quickly apologize and touch you to make the effort to reconnect with you, Wood says.

26. He treats your possessions with respect. Even if does everything to make you feel like a queen on a first date, pay attention to how he handles your stuff. Does he throw you your jacket instead of hand it to you? Does he grab gum from your purse and then drop it on the floor? Wood says that reckless treatment of your things reveals the amount of respect he has for you (it also gives you a clear picture of what it’d be like if you lived together).

 

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How To Stop A Fight In Its Tracks (When You Accidentally Hit Your Spouse’s Trigger Point)

Know the signs and learn how to respond appropriately.

Communication is just about the most important thing in any long-term relationship or marriage, but so many people still struggle to do it successfully. Whether you’re fighting, discussing finances, or just having a conversation about where to eat for dinner, there’s never a time when good communication isn’t going to play a role.

And once you or your spouse’s emotional trigger points have been hit by something that was said, it can cause an emotional reaction that can cause your conversation to spiral out of control. Whether it’s you or them who’s been triggered, these situations can often explode into arguments with what feels like very little reason.

It’s easy to screw up and touch on an area that might hit a “raw spot” or be an emotional trigger for your partner.

Because we’re often inside of our own heads and not always paying attention when we communicate, we can cause problems by not thinking about what we say before we say it.

Our words can hit on emotional trigger points, raw spots or vulnerabilities that could hurt or offend someone we love — or our spouse’s words can hit on a traumatic issue of own our — and instead of realizing that it wasn’t an intentional attack, we become defensive or angry.

Simple conversations can blow up into arguments at the drop of a hat.

So how do we stop ourselves from not losing it over an unintentional verbal barb when we feel that pain caused by our emotional trigger point?

According to YourTango Experts therapist Jill Kahn and psychologist Stanley Tatkin, the problem is that our reactions to these issues are happening very, very quickly so that we might not even be aware of how we’re reacting until we’ve already done it.

The area of our brain associated with memory can react almost instantly when it’s triggered, so we’re momentarily not capable of pulling ourselves out of that response and thinking logically about what our partner’s intention was.

And, says Tatkin, it’s possible for that knee-jerk memory reaction to occur again and again if our partner doesn’t do something to rectify what they said or did to begin with.

And perhaps instead of realizing from your shocked expression that they messed up, they might press the issue by mistake, further compounding the situation.

Our emotional responses are incredibly fast — much faster than our thinking reactions, Jill Kahn points out, which can be exactly as problematic as it sounds.

In order to curtail this potentially catastrophic issue when it’s just happened, it’s important to take a step back before you respond to your partner.

Understand that the way you’re feeling is just a response to your previous trauma, and let your partner know — kindly — that you need a moment. You can explain to them that their words brought something out in you, and then take the time you need to compose yourself before talking to them about it.

And sitting down and explaining what your issue was can help make sure it’s avoided in the future. It can also let your partner know what they can do to help if something like that happens again, so things don’t get out of hand.

Communicating your needs and listening to your partner’s are so important! If you want more tips on how to keep a triggered memory from ruining your time with your significant other.

 

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