How Do You Know If You’re With The Right Person? Ask Your Partner These 7 Questions

When you get into a relationship with someone, it’s safe to say that you want to make sure you’re not wasting your time. You want to be with someone who understands you, appreciates you, and is someone you can potentially see a future with. But because we aren’t mind readers, it can be hard to determine if your partner is really right for you. Lucky for you, you don’t necessarily need to be clairvoyant to figure this out because there are questions you can ask your partner to see if they’re “The One.”

“On the surface, asking questions sounds like a good idea, however, how you ask is the key,” Richard Horowitz, professional educator and co-founder of Growing Great Relationships, tells us. “Your partner does not want to feel interrogated. Therefore try to ask questions naturally and not all at once and also ask your partner to ask question so that it feels like a mutual conversation.” Through these conversations over you time, you’ll be able to learn about things such as their values, likes, and dislikes, which can play a huge part in whether or not you two may be compatible with each other. But if you’re confused about where to start, here are seven questions you can ask your partner to find out if they’re truly the right person for you.

1. How Would We Handle Worst-Case Scenarios?

Andrew Zaeh 

Sometimes the best questions to ask your partner have to do with the extremes. Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, marriage therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us that asking your partner about how they would handle things like emotional affairs, illnesses in the family, or even invasive in-laws is a good way to gauge your partner’s views and how they are under pressure. If your partner’s answers show a willingness to work together to figure out a solution, it’s a good indicator that they’ll be a communicative partner throughout the relationship. But if they have hard-and-fast rules about certain things, you can determine if they’re someone who’s right for you. This question is also a good way to determine if your partner is going to be the support system that you need in a relationship or not.

2. Do You See A Future Here?

This question may seem like it would be awkward to ask early on in a relationship, but it can really show you whether your partner can see things progressing. “Many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship,” Scott-Hudson says. She suggests asking about all the things that may come with the progression of a relationship like what pace they want to move at and when they’d like to meet and involve friends and family members. “These things are best discussed before the couple moves in together or marries in order to prevent misunderstandings and to promote clear and healthy communication.”

3. Do You Want Kids?

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You may want to become a perpetual dog-parent and never have kids, or you may want to an entire football team as a family. Whatever your preference is, it’s important to discuss it with your partner to see if you two are on the same page. With something like kids, it’s a little harder to compromise on. Scott-Hudson explains that it’s also important to be on the same page about the issue of possible infertility, to determine if you and your partner would be supportive of each other in that case. She also explains that it’s important to take it a step further and ask about how they would want to raise kids, if you both want them. She suggests asking questions like, “In what religion [if any] will we raise our children? Public or private school? Do you expect one parent to be a stay at home parent, and one to work? Or do you expect both parents to work outside of the home? Will they work during high school and college, or be full time students? Is adoption a possibility? Is in vitro a possibility? Is foster parenting a possibility?”

4. How Do You Feel About Your Family?

Andrew Zaeh 

Family can either be a great or a tricky subject for some people. Either way it’s important to learn about your partner’s family and their interactions with them to determine what values your partner grew up with and how they might act in the future. “How they answer will determine their attachment to important people they grew up with and gives you good information about how they will treat you and your possible children in the future,” Dr. Tammy Nelson, sex therapist and sex therapist and consultant for Ashley Madison, tells us. “It doesn’t matter if they are in a positive relationship with both parents, but more importantly, if they have forgiven them for past mistakes.”

5. How Do You Feel About Sex?

Sex shouldn’t just be something you and your partner do, it should also be something that you talk about. “We choose a partner based on physical and sexual attraction,” Nelson says. “If sex is important to you now, it’s definitely going to be important to you later on. Make sure that you both have the same level of interest in sex and you both see it as a priority.” This is also the case if you’re someone who doesn’t want to have sex. Being open and honest about your position on sex and asking your partner to do the same can show you whether or not you two are compatible.

6. How Important Are Politics To You?

Andrew Zaeh 

For many of us, our political ideals are directly aligned with our identities and personal values. Asking your partner about their political affiliations or who they vote for can give you an idea of what they care about and also what they might not be too concerned with. “Strangely enough, we can put up with separate religious or spiritual views and we can handle it if they are terrible slobs as roommates, but studies show that we cannot tolerate a partner who votes on the opposite side of the aisle,” Nelson says. “It might not seem like a big deal now, but if your partner has different values than you, it will matter. Particularly now, at a time when the government is divided so clearly down party lines around things that matter deeply.”

7. How Do You Act After Arguments?

Although it may be hard for your partner to be totally perceptive to how they act after arguments, asking this question can give you an idea of your partner’s behaviors and what they might need from you whenever you have a falling out. Scott-Hudson suggests asking questions like, “Do you like to be left alone? Do you need physical comfort, like a hug or a pat on the arm, when you are upset? Do you need time and space to process your feelings? Do you need me to reassure you that I’m not leaving you, that I’m not going anywhere, or abandoning you?” By asking your partner these questions, you can determine if their behaviors at your relationship’s worst will be something you’ll be able to deal with or not. And if not, you might have to reevaluate whether they’re the one for you.

It might be hard to determine if your partner is your perfect match with a few questions, but these questions are a starting point to bigger discussions that can really show you what’s important to you and your partner and if those values are compatible in the long-run.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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5 Signs You Need Couples’ Therapy, According To Experts

Inevitably, all relationships have their ups and downs — and most of the lows are things that that the two of you can work through, so long as you are a united front, and if you are both willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Even the happiest and most loving couples have moments of tension and friction that, if left unresolved, can quickly grow into more serious issues and turn into toxic patterns that will doom the romance. Fortunately, before that happens, you might be able to spot the signs you need couples therapy so that you can fix the situation.

The question is: How do you know it’s time to stop trying to work through all your problems on your own and set up an appointment with a therapist? There is no “wrong” time to do so, because there is nothing wrong with getting a professional helping hand, particularly when the future of your relationship is at stake. It’s all about what feels right for you.

However, there are some situations where introducing a neutral party can be make or break for a couple, and so it’s important to recognize if your relationship is headed down a bad path, before it’s too late and you’re past the point of no return. To help spot those signs, I reached out to the experts. Here is what they say are clear signs you need put a couples therapist on speed dial.

1. You have the same arguments over and over.

Do all your fights come with an intense feeling of déjà vu because it’s the same one over and over and over? If that’s the case, Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, tells Elite Daily it’s time to get some professional help to assist in breaking the cycle. “You have the same arguments over and over again and a couples therapist can teach you to identify which issues are situational and perpetual,” says Chlipala. “For the latter, those are the arguments that are recurring and need to be managed, not solved. We have tools for that!”

2. One of you is considering having an affair.

If you or your partner is seriously considering cheating, it’s time to call in a professional. It’s possible that this is a passing phase, but Chlipala says “if you are noticing that other people or one person in particular is grabbing your interest, go to therapy.” Chances are there are underlying reasons why your eye is wandering and “a couples therapist can also point out the vulnerabilities in your relationship that can lead one to cheat,” explains Chlipala.

A therapist can also help strengthen your relationship moving forward, she says, by teaching you “how to affair-proof your relationship, too.” In other words, if you’re thinking about cheat, run, don’t walk, to the couples’ counseling couch.

3. You can’t stand conflict.

Conflict and arguing are not a ton of fun, but for some people it’s so uncomfortable they will do anything to avoid it. Not arguing may sound good in theory, but in relationships, Chlipala explains, “Conflict is healthy and necessary for a relationship to grow. If you avoid conflict, you risk things such as unhappiness, resentment, and seeing your partner negatively and unfairly.” So, for the sake of your relationship, it’s essential to learn how to tolerate conflict and “a couples’ therapist can teach you skills on how to manage conflict effectively.”

4. You blame each other for everything.

Once resentful patterns have taken root in the relationship, and issues have gone unresolved, it can get increasingly easy to just start blaming the other person for all the things that have gone wrong. This is why couples’ therapy is so important.

As Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills, family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent tells Elite Daily, it helps both partners to become more accountable again. “The first and most important thing a person learns by talking to a stranger, counselor, therapist, or clergyman is self-awareness and accountability,” says Dr. Walfish. However, she adds, “hearing your own voice verbalize problems and issues forces one to acknowledge their own shortcomings much better than hearing it from someone else.” Pointing the finger exclusively at your partner, she says, is “playing with fire!”

5. You’ve tried everything else to fix your relationship.

There may come a time in your relationship where you feel like you’ve done everything you can to resolve your issues and you just want to give up. If that happens, dating coach and relationship expert Susan Winter says you shouldn’t give up quite yet. “If you and your partner have unsuccessfully tried every avenue possible to correct the issues disturbing your relationship, it’s time to enlist the help of a professional,” she tells Elite Daily. In order to salvage the relationship, it’s going to take a lot of good healthy communication, and a couples’ therapist can help be that conduit, says Winter, adding, “if resentments fester and there’s no resolution in sight, seek professional advice.”

If some or all of these signs are hitting home, it’s time to seriously consider making an appointment for you and your partner. Winter offers some advice on how to choose the right therapist for you. She says to “look for one that will listen to both of your points of view. It should not be your personal therapist, or your partner’s personal therapist. Their understanding of your joint situation would be skewed by pre-existing information. Rather, choose someone new to both of you.”

Taking this step may feel daunting or like your admitting your relationship is more troubled that you would like to admit, which can be scary. However, if it’s in a place where you do need help to get through a rough patch, it’s better to take the plunge and get counseling than to continue down the path your on and likely lose the relationship, right? Don’t be ashamed to ask for help and to do it as a united front. That’s the first step to getting back to being the team you once were, and could be again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Is It Normal To Constantly Need To Text Your Partner? The Experts Weigh In

I’m definitely guilty of texting my partner too often. Even when they are at work, if a few hours of silence have gone by, I reach out just to say “Hi!” It’s become a bit of a habit, one that, as it turns out, may not be totally healthy. After all, is it normal to constantly need to text? Or is it a sign that there may be a problem in the relationship? Or maybe (as I hope) it just means you and your partner just like to stay in contact and all that texting is just the pattern and rhythm of your relationship. How can you tell the difference between what is a healthy amount of communication and what’s a sign of a deeper problem?

To help understand which texting behaviors are typical and which are a sign of something amiss, I reached out to Diana Dorell, an intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, and Erica Gordon, a millennial dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren’t You Glad You Read This?. I asked for their expert opinions on if it’s normal to want to text your partner all the time, and when your need for communication becomes too much. Here is what they had to say.

When the need to text your partner all day is not healthy.

For a relationship to be a healthy one, there have to be clear and open lines of communication. So, of course wanting to talk to and text with your partner in general is fine. In fact, Dorell says it’s good to text with your SO — in moderation. “It can be really healthy for the relationship to actually text sparingly throughout the day and then anticipate seeing your SO later to share things and connect face-to-face,” she tells Elite Daily. The time to become concerned, she says, is when a lack of frequent texts negatively impacts your emotional well-being. “When you can’t function day to day if you don’t constantly text or receive texts, or need those texts for reassurance or self-esteem, that is unhealthy,” says Dorell.

Gordon says another sign that the need to text is something to be concerned about is when it causes anxiety. “[It’s] a red flag if you are anxious all the time when you’re not hearing from your partner, and constantly needing that continuous texting.” she tells Elite Daily. “This type of neediness is a red flag that your partner is your whole world. It’s not healthy if your world revolves around them,” warns Gordon.

What the desire to text all day could actually mean.

There are several reasons you may want to talk to your partner all day — and not all are unhealthy. Dorell says it could simply be a sign that affirmation is your love language. “If your love language is words of affirmation, then you may see it as a sign that you are cared for and loved more than average if your partner texts you sweet things regularly,” she says.

If your partner understands that and is happy with the frequency of texts, then great! However, if they aren’t able to keep up with your preferred pace, and you find yourself getting anxious or upset, then Gordon warns that you’ve crossed the line into unhealthy territory. “This could mean that you lack the ability to find that sense of happiness and validation within yourself,” says Gordon. “Self-validation is extremely important, as it’s very unhealthy to rely on external validation from your partner. Let attention from others enhance your mood, but don’t let it control your mood.”

She also cautions that a need for communication may be a sign of something else lacking in the relationship. “This could be a sign of distrust in the relationship,” she warns. “If you’re insecure, and you need constant texts to trust your partner, that could be a sign you should be working on yourself right now, instead of being in a relationship.”

Here’s what the experts say to do about it.

If you feel like you are texting too often and would like to slow down, both experts agree that you need to focus your energy on yourself and find ways to fill that need for validation and affirmation from within. “Instead of leaning on your partner to validate you [sic: is important] — do the things that brought you and bring you joy even when you are alone,” Dorell advises.

“Work on self-love, self-confidence and self-validation,” adds Gordon. “Discover your gift, discover hobbies that you love, and focus on your passions. Start a passion project that you truly enjoy devoting your time to, and suddenly, you simply won’t be looking at your phone or waiting on text replies as much,” she says.

Last but not least — and this may sound counter-intuitive — you should talk to your partner about what you are feeling. “Have a conversation with your partner about how it makes you feel. Let them be a part of this shift to more healthy texting,” says Dorell. After all, there is a reason you call them your partner, right? You can and should be able to lean on them when you need a little support while making a positive change.

Ultimately, the amount you text with your partner will depend on what works best for the two of you. It may be a little more or a little less than average, so long as you both are happy. If you are not, then like the experts say, it’s time to focus on you. Engage in the self-care you need to find the happiness from within that you deserve. After all, you’re amazing! You just need to put down your phone for a bit and remind yourself of that from time to time.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 is Now for Sale on Amazon and Kindle!

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

“Love is a many splintered thing” – Andrew Eldritch

Here it is! The long awaited sequel to the best selling Phicklephilly! Thanks to everyone who bought the first book, and to all of my readers and subscribers on this blog!

Without all of you, none of this would be possible!

You can get it here!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

When I started writing Phicklephilly back in May of 2016, I never realized how much it would grow and flourish as I went forward. It began as an earnest effort to start writing again. After a few false starts through the summer, I finally decided that if I was going to start writing again, I should stop talking about it and just do it. 

It began like most creative works. Slowly. Once I published my first post, I thought; how am I going to do this every Monday? I had no followers and no exposure anywhere. Instead of worrying about that, I decided to dig in and start to tell stories from my recent past. But since then it’s grown exponentially. It’s a dot com now and has hundreds of thousands of page views. I’ve monetized the site and secured advertisers that generate revenue to support my work. It’s been a lot of fun!

In the beginning, my inspiration was a server named Maria who worked at a local restaurant. I sort of had a crush on her but it never became anything. But it was enough to get me writing again. When I met her I had already been in Philly for almost ten years.

 My first relationship with Michelle had only lasted about three years before she left me. She was approaching age thirty and the alarms were going off in her head to get married and make babies. I had already been married and divorced years before that and had a daughter. I wasn’t going down that painful and expensive road again. The odd thing about my relationship with Michelle was, it was the first time I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, stayed friends with me. We were best friends. Isn’t that the key to all successful and loving relationships? 

Michelle reconnected with her former high school boyfriend. Normally that never works but I think this time it might. I think Michelle broke up with him, left Delaware and came to Philly because the guy wasn’t on the road to success. I think Michelle needed to explore the world a bit. She did that for a while and then met me. I was new and different and we had the time of our lives together in the city. But what neither of us realized was that was all we really were. A couple of people who loved the city and it’s nightlife. The drinks flowed and the laughter ensued. But once we got an apartment and moved in together it was the beginning of the end. We didn’t know it at the time, but domestic life never suited our relationship. We were best friends who liked the social excitement of going out, and being a deadly couple in the city. Once the adventure ended it was over. 

We tried it for a while, and did all of the things that couples do. Celebrate the holidays, birthdays, family stuff, and all of the other grinding aspects of domestic life. But we just got to a point where Michelle realized I wasn’t going to marry her and give her kids. We remained friends for several years after that until she moved to California in 2013 to be with her former boyfriend. He had become the man she had hoped he’d be many years ago. She married him, and at the time of this writing has a baby daughter. So it all worked out for her. She achieved the American dream.

I on the other hand started dating Annabelle in 2013. Annabelle is a failed actress and photographer. She makes her living shooting head shots and weddings. The reason things failed with Annabelle was our obvious age difference, and absolute opposite lifestyles. I was the corporate sales guy, and she lived in a world surrounded by theater people. It was like oil and water, and the only thing we shared was our mutual attraction to each other. Annabelle served as a temporary stand-in for my friend Michelle. The relationship lasted a tumultuous nine months and ended. It was fun in the beginning, but all romantic endeavors are. Once the reality sets in that you’re not a match, normally the relationship dissolves. Both of these relationships are well documented in the first Phicklephilly book.

Michelle is long gone, but her memory continues to haunt me of what could have been.

Near the end of the book I met Cherie. When I started writing the blog I realized I had to get back in the dating game. So I did what most people do. I went on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and whatever else was available. I went on a bunch of crazy dates, but things clicked pretty early on with Cherie. 

I realized I had an ending to my first book. I had burned through a couple of relationships, and then met my love, Cherie. Everything was right in the world. She made me happy and we shared some wonderful times. Over the first couple of months we became close and Phicklephilly had a happy conclusion. It seemed like the perfect ending to a great story. I had reached my destination, and had found love in Philly!

Also, when I was with Michelle and Annabelle, I wasn’t writing. Their stories were told from memory, so it’s basically our greatest hits. But phicklephilly the blog was alive and well when I met Cherie. A rich history indeed!

But what happened after the end of the first book? We’re both in love with each other and things are going great. The story has to continue. I can’t just let the tale end there. There’s so much more to reveal. 

Please join me on my continuing journey.

 

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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COMING SOON… PHICKLEPHILLY 2

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

Love at First Swipe! 

Phicklephilly 2 is the sequel to the best selling book, Phicklephilly: One man’s journey to find love in Philadelphia. In the first book, our hero returned to the city in search of the perfect girlfriend. It was a funny, and sometimes heart wrenching tale of a man trying to navigate the pitfalls of the modern dating world. 

After two failed relationships, he turns to online dating. He goes on several crazy dates, but finally finds a woman he really likes. She’s a bright, unique beauty, but like all relationships, they face several challenges.

Phicklephilly 2 continues his journey and shows you what it’s like being in a relationship, and the dynamics that play out living in the city. But several factors work against them both at every step. Will the couple survive the pitfalls and demands of being in an exclusive committed relationship?

He doesn’t always do what’s right, but neither does she. This is his intimate story of what that’s been like for him. Join him to see if he wins… or loses again. 

There’s always three sides to every story. His side, her side… and the truth. 

 

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 will publish on September 14th!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

5 Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out of Love With You (& May Ask for a Divorce)

Notice these signs and start re-thinking your relationship.

If you’re worried that your spouse is falling out of love with you, and may want a divorce, you need to know the signs that your marriage is over.

If your happy marriage has slowly evolved into an unhappy marriage, you will know because of the way your spouse acts around you.

We all hope for everlasting love. That’s why we said “I do” in the first place.

But, often, we outlast our relationships, evolving beyond their life expectancy.

Think of your relationship as a garden with you and your husband or wife as the gardeners or caretakers.

The life of the garden depends upon what you put into it. It needs attention, water, sunlight, pruning, weeding, replanting, sowing of seeds, tending, nurturing, and enjoyment.

Left alone, a garden will wither. The elements will ravage it, causing destruction and deterioration.

Your relationship is like that. Untended, it dissolves.

If you’re wondering, “Is my marriage over?”, you need to look at the state of your relationship. Just like the state of your yard, you can see it. The signs are telltale and evident.

If you know what to look for, you can recognize if your spouse is over you so you can do something about it and figure out how to save your marriage.

“Is marriage worth it?” you might be asking.

And, why do people fall out of love?

If you notice the warning signs your marriage is over because your spouse is no longer in love with you, please know that divorce is not your only option.

Just because you let your garden become overgrown and infested with weeds, doesn’t mean you have to move. The same is true of your relationship.

With a lot of care, attention, and hours spent, it can be possible to resuscitate your loveless marriage.

But it will require both you and your spouse putting in the time and effort.

It would be so much easier to be in a relationship if we all knew how to communicate with each other.

Unless you’re a mind reader, it’s impossible to know how your spouse is feeling without them telling you.

Some people leave a relationship when the going gets difficult because they just don’t know how to handle conflict.

And with every serious relationship conflict is inevitable and, even sometimes, healthy. Being able to air our differences and have room for each other’s perspectives are incredible gifts to give each other.

Handling conflict lovingly and skillfully is a behavior that can be taught and learned. But most of us have never had the right relationship advice and lessons, choosing instead to learn in the school of hard knocks.

Since we don’t always communicate effectively, our feelings come out in our actions instead. Actions are often much louder than words.

With that said, here are 5 tell-tale warning signs your spouse is falling out of love with you and may even ask for a divorce.

1. Partner detachment

In a healthy relationship, we talk to each other, ask questions about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and day.

As expert marriage researcher John Gottman says, we make bids for each other’s attention and the health of that relationship depends on how often we respond to those bids.

When you try and share something with your partner, do they turn toward you and express interest? Or do they blow you off?

The detachment can show up in many different ways. Perhaps you used to fight all the time, you were passionate about your communication and exchanges.

Now your partner can’t be bothered to fight. They respond with one-word sentences.

What are some other signs your wife or husband doesn’t love you anymore?

Your partner could be distant emotionally and/or physically. Even if you ask, your partner won’t open up and share how they’re feeling.

And rather than spending time together, your spouse is making plans with other people or spending more and more time out of the house. They are physically and emotionally pulling away.

Your partner might show zero interest in making any plans. They are so distant and detached that they are not willing to plan anything together — no holidays, no date nights, and no home repairs or remodels.

They are not thinking about a future together, they are busy making plans for themselves.

Nobel Laureate, Elie Weisel said that “the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” Rather than checking in with you, your partner is checking out.

2. Everything is a fight

Sometimes the sign is apathy and indifference, and other times, it’s frustration, annoyance, and even anger. Your spouse’s temper is hot and their fuse is short.

They blow up at the slightest provocation. They snap at you for every little thing, and you’re the one they blame. You’re at fault for all of the problems.

You feel like you can never do anything right, and you’re walking on eggshells in your own home.

3. Lack of intimacy

There are many types of intimacy in a relationship. It could be physical like holding hands, massage, hugs, kisses, and sexual connection. It could also be emotional like being vulnerable, sharing feelings, and deep conversations.

Marriages thrive on intimacy and connection. When the intimacy changes you need to pay attention. Are you and your spouse more like roommates than lovers? Or worse yet, total strangers?

So, what to do when your husband doesn’t want you? Or, when your wife won’t get intimate?

Take a moment to consider your intimacy habits.

Intimacy is a very strong indicator of how healthy a relationship is. There isn’t a prescribed number of times you should be having sex per week (despite many articles and statistics on the subject), but if your frequency changes, or the type of sex changes (where did my spouse learn those new moves?!), that may be a sign.

4. Secrets

Another strong sign is when your spouse suddenly becomes secretive about their phone calls, texts, emails, and/or mail.

There could be another person involved — they could be having an affair. Or your spouse could be doing research about getting divorced, and reaching out to professionals, such as family law attorneys, or financial advisors, etc.

When you question your spouse, they act evasive or even tell you lies.

5. Financial changes

Be on the lookout for any changes in the financial arena of your marriage. Has your spouse changed the passwords to your accounts without telling you?

Have there been any major changes in your assets? Has your spouse opened an equity line of credit on your house or a new bank account or are even applying for additional credit cards?

Or maybe your spouse was previously not interested in the family finances and now they are starting to ask questions or requesting copies of statements and tax returns.

The above are some of the major signs to look out for but there are others that may be more subtle.

Maybe your spouse has started focusing on their appearance when they never did before. Or takes a sudden interest in the kids. Or there’s a new insistence to move closer to family.

The interest in appearance could mean they’re hoping to attract someone else. The interest in the kids could be so that they look good in the eyes of the court if there’s a custody battle. The request to move closer to home may be to provide some support during and after the divorce.

These signs are meant to get you noticing and thinking about your relationship.

Are there signs that your spouse is unhappy, and longing to move on? Or is your spouse unhappy and wanting to make changes to make the relationship healthier and stronger?

It will be up to you and your spouse to explore this situation and determine if there’s a way back to each other and a healthier, happier life together.

Or if you need to part ways, you can rebuild a life that is more authentic to each of you.

It’s time to take steps to move forward. So, talk to your spouse.

A healthy relationship is based on strong communication. Share with them what you’re observing and how it’s making you feel.

If you need help communicating, reach out to a professional such as a therapist or a divorce coach, either on your own or together.

Try to find a way back to each other. Maybe by learning each other’s love language. For example, if your spouse’s love language is Quality Time, try spending more time together doing activities you both enjoy.

Focus on your own wellbeing. Sometimes healing yourself will go a long way toward healing your relationship.

Seek counseling. Getting outside help might be a helpful way to work through and process your issues as a couple. Either alone or together.

Build your support network: friends, family, a support group, therapist or divorce coach, religious community. You need people around you who are positive and supportive.

Learn about divorce. If you think you may be headed toward divorce you will want to learn something about the process, and the professionals who can support you. Meet with a family law attorney or mediator. Many divorce professionals offer free phone consultations.

 

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12 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Lonely, According to Experts

You could say this world is more connected than it’s ever been.

Friends, family, and strangers who live miles apart can communicate instantly thanks to social media and email. Anyone can hop on a plane from New York City and reach Los Angeles in just hours. In large metropolitan melting pots across the globe, thousands of people from different countries and cultures mingle and break bread. It’s as if time and space is collapsing, bringing all sorts of people closer to one another.

Yet so many of us feel lonely and can’t seem to shake it.

Researchers claim that the U.S. is experiencing a “loneliness epidemic.” In a 2018 survey, conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF), experts discovered that about 22% of Americans say they constantly feel alone. Such prolonged feelings of isolation can come with serious health problems, both mental and physical. Feelings of isolation are often associated with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Doctors have also found that people who are lonely tend to have increased blood pressure, weaker immune systems, and more inflammation throughout the body.

Turns out, connectedness not only makes our lives more interesting, it’s vital for our own survival.

So what should you do when you’re feeling blue without anyone to lean on? Here’s what therapists, doctors, and researches say are some of the best strategies to cope with loneliness:

1. Name it. Validate it.

Telling other people you’re lonely can feel scary, shameful, and self-defeating. But expressing that feeling can be the beginning of releasing it.

“We tend to stigmatize loneliness in the U.S., equating it with being a loner or a loser,” says Kory Floyd, Professor of Communication and Psychology at the University of Arizona. “That stigma encourages us to avoid admitting when we’re lonely. Denying our loneliness only perpetuates it, so before we can recover, we have to be honest — at least with ourselves — about what we are experiencing.”

2. Take stock of connections you already have.

Sometimes when we are feeling lonely, we can’t see what’s right in front of us.

“Many of us get tunnel vision when it comes to affection and intimacy, in that we ‘count’ only certain behaviors while discounting others,” says Professor Floyd. “I might notice that my friends don’t tell me they love me, or don’t ‘like’ my social media posts, but I overlook the fact that they always volunteer to help when I have a home project to do. When people expand their definitions of affection and love to include a wider range of behaviors, they often discover that they aren’t as deprived as they originally thought.”

3. Recognize you are not alone (in feeling lonely).

If 22% of Americans constantly feel lonely, know that if you’re feeling isolated that you’re sharing the same experience with millions of other people.

“[When I’m lonely] I remind myself just how pervasive loneliness is and I imagine being connected to ‘all of the lonely people out there’. Sometimes I listen to Eleanor Rigby [by the Beatles] to hammer that point home,” says Megan Bruneau, psychotherapist and executive coach. “Loneliness is a healthy emotion, revealing places we yearn for connection.”

4. Get curious. Ask questions.

Recognize that loneliness looks different for people at different times of their lives, and that there are those who have many relationships, but still feel like something is missing. Ask yourself what loneliness looks like for you.

“It’s important to differentiate between situational loneliness and chronic loneliness,” says Bruneau. “Most people feel lonely from time to time, especially in today’s individualistic, independence-valuing, more-single-than-ever-culture. However, if I’m feeling loneliness more frequently than usual, I get curious about the shift. Has something changed in my relationships leading me to feel more disconnected? Have I been nurturing my current connections and creating opportunities for new ones that make me feel ‘seen’? Am I intentionally or accidentally isolating [myself]?”

Whether our loneliness is brief or chronic, questions like these can help direct us to the best way to cope, she suggests.

5. Take the time to slow down.

If you’re frequently busy, running around with your to-do list or feel stressed by all the meetings at work, it might be time to hit the breaks.

“Sometimes when people’s schedules are back-to-back for too long, they start disconnecting from themselves and other people,” says Judith Orloff MD, psychiatrist and author of Thriving as an Empath. “They get overwhelmed from overworking and too much stimulation. So the practice [then] is just to relax and do what their body needs.”

Perhaps that relaxing for you could mean listening to music, taking a bath, or just sitting with nothing to do and nowhere to be.

6. Reconnect with self-love and appreciation.

You can use alone time to get back in touch with you.

“You have to be your own best friend,” says Dr. Orloff. “I go to my sacred space and I meditate. I take a few deep breaths, relax, and ask worry, fear, and loneliness to lift so I can just be with myself.”

She recommends that those who are new to meditation can try to sit for three minutes and focus on something they find pleasing — like the ocean or dolphins — or any simple things they are grateful for. “Focusing on what you’re grateful for rather than what you don’t have shifts the negative thinking,” she says.

Being alone and strolling through nature can be meditative, too.

7. Perform anonymous acts of kindness …

… and recognize the kindness in others.

Sometimes when you feel alone, you might feel like isolating yourself from the world, which only continues the cycle of loneliness. In that case, finding a group of friends to hang out with or dropping into a large social scene can feel like a lot. So why not consider starting small?

“Go out into the world and notice a smile from the store clerk,” says Dr. Orloff. “Hold a door for somebody or do something nice for a stranger and then you start to get the endorphins and the oxytocin going in your body. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. It’s what mother’s have when they give birth. So oxytocin is important.”

If you are feeling a bit more extroverted, you might even try starting conversations.

“Get out every day and have a conversation, face-to-face, with your neighbor, a friend, your grocer, the librarian — in short, any one whom you might meet regularly,” says Susan Pinker, psychologist and author of The Village Effect. This doesn’t have to be a close relationship. Research tells us that even weak bonds strengthen our immunity and well-being.”

8. Join a club.

Perhaps you are looking to develop more of those deep meaningful relationships. In that case, you might want to explore hobbies with other people to form bonds over common interests.

“This could be a class, a committee, or a volunteer group,” says Pinker. “Any activity that puts you in a social environment on a regular basis.”

Vibe with someone over your love for pottery at a local art class. Find a Meetup group of people who are just as obsessed with Game of Thrones as you are. Or maybe try something completely new, like goat yoga. You can have fun with this.

9. Put your hand over your heart.

Lack of physical connection can be the cause of loneliness. When we were babies, our bodies were trained to respond to physical touch as a form of communication and connection with our caregivers — especially when “goo goo gaga” didn’t quite cut it.

So, even if you don’t consider yourself a touchy-feely person, physical contact has always been at the center of feeling safe, secure, and cared for. But know that you don’t need a lover, a friend, or a massage therapist to give you a reassuring caress. Placing your hand over your heart could do it.

“Our bodies registers the care we give ourselves in a similar way that it registers the care we get from others through physical touch,” says Dr. Kristin Neff, associate professor at the University of Texas and author of Self-Compassion. “‘Supportive’ touch works with the person’s parasympathetic nervous system, which actually helps calm us down and reduces cortisol and releases oxytocin.”

Everyone, however, is different, Dr. Neff says. Some people prefer a hand on the stomach. Others prefer holding their face. Some love hugging themselves. If you’re by your lonesome, this could be a chance to figure out how to be your own buddy.

10. Create something.

Sketch. Paint. Knit. Anything to get your creative juices flowing.

“Creative arts have an extraordinary capacity to elevate and transcend our negative emotional experiences through self-expression, as well as to connect us more deeply and authentically with each other,” says Dr. Jeremy Nobel, MPH and the founder of The UnLonely Project.

One of Dr. Nobel’s favorite strategies is expressive writing. Jotting down thoughts and feelings you recognize others may be experiencing has a similar affect as, say, going to the movies. At the theatre you share a room with a group of people — perhaps strangers — who are all witnessing the same journey with you. Even if you don’t talk to anyone, you and the entire audience are connected through shared experience, Dr. Nobel explains. Mentally, the same thing happens when you write, even if you never share it with a soul. Although, sharing could be a healthy way to find connection among others.

11. Check your social media usage.

While the jury is still out on whether or not the rise of social media is driving loneliness and depression, it doesn’t hurt to reevaluate the effect it has on your life.

Are you using it to make meaningful connections? Are you spending too much time on it? Is it causing you to withdraw in unhelpful ways?

“If we feel dissatisfied with our face-to-face relationships, we [often] retreat into the world of social media, which only exacerbates the problem,” says Professor Floyd of the University of Arizona. “On social media, it seems as though everyone else has better jobs, better houses, better vacations, and better relationships than we do. That isn’t actually true, of course.”

If Instagram and Facebook are dragging you down, it might be time for a temporary screen detox.

12. Work with a mental health professional

Sometimes we need professional help to escape the dark thoughts keeping us in isolation.

“One of the most destructive effects of long-term loneliness is that it distorts our cognitions about ourselves,” says Professor Floyd. “We come to believe that if we are lonely, we deserve to be lonely and that no one will ever love us the way we want. Those thoughts in turn guide our actions in ways that end up keeping us lonely. Cognitive behavioral therapy is designed to bring our thoughts and behavior better in line with reality.”

If you’re struggling with loneliness, anxiety, or depression and need professional help, the American Psychological Association‘s Psychologist Locator tool can help you find a licensed therapist in your area that takes your insurance.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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If Your Partner Says They Don’t Love You, Here’s What It Really Means

People can say things they don’t mean when they’re angry, hurt, or stressed. Sometimes you can be understanding and just let it slide. But if you’re in the middle of a fight and your partner says something hurtful like, “I don’t love you,” that’s not something you can easily shake off. Chances are, their words will linger in the back of your mind long after they’ve apologized. So what does it actually mean if your partner says they don’t love you when they’re angry?

“This is something that comes up quite often,” Linda Stiles, LSCSW, a counselor who specializes in marriage and relationships, tells us. “People do say things they don’t mean when they’re triggered, emotional, or upset. While it’s not something to write off, it’s likely that the hurtful words are not just what they seem.”

For instance, when one partner says hurtful things in the heat of the moment, they may be trying to get the other to understand their feelings. They could be feeling hurt, sad, lonely, or powerless. While it’s really not a good reason to say mean things, that’s just their way of expressing themselves.

According to Stiles, think of it like a child saying “I hate you” to their parents. “The child doesn’t really mean that; it’s just a way of expressing strong emotions in the moment,” she says. “Sometimes this reflects behavior and emotional coping patterns that were modeled in our family of origin. But there are many other factors to consider.”

So here are some other things it could mean if your partner says they don’t love you when they’re angry, according to experts.

1. They’re Hurt By Something You Did

WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock

“When people say things such as ‘I don’t love you’ that could be a way to unleash the hurt that they are experiencing in the moment and say it as a way to get back at their partner so that they can also hurt,” Candice Cooper-Lovett, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist, and owner of A New Creation Psychotherapy Services, LLC, tells us.

According to her, it’s a method of fighting that’s ineffective and unhealthy. More often than not, you end up coming out of it more wounded than you were before. The best thing to do in this situation is to take a break from the argument and gather your thoughts. When you’re both cooled off, Cooper-Lovett says it’s important to have a conversation about what they really meant when they said they didn’t love you.

2. They’re Frustrated By Something In The Relationship

It’s painful to hear that your partner doesn’t love you, even in a moment of anger. But as Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, licensed clinical professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship Therapist, tells Bustle, try as much as you can to take it with a grain of salt. “When we’re angry or reactive, we leave our rational brain and are in survival mode,” Slatkin says. “Even though we may be extremely frustrated with the relationship, it may come out harsher than we intend.” It’s important to remember that feelings come and go. There may be some moments when you don’t even like your partner. But as Slatkin says, “That doesn’t necessarily define our true feelings.” When things are calmer, tell your partner how their comment made you feel. If they look genuinely remorseful and they appologize, accept it. Chances are, they mean it.

3. They’re Emotionally Immature

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When your partner says they don’t love you, it can be a sign that they’re emotionally immature. As Lesli Doares, couples consultant and coach, tells us, “They don’t know how to handle their emotions, so they give themselves permission to lash out. This is true of name calling and any other hurtful things they express when upset.”

If this is the case, they likely developed a pattern and do this consistently. The reality is, you can only be understanding for so long. As Doares says, “It’s perfectly acceptable to request that your partner alter how they act when they’re upset.”

It’s also helpful to learn their triggers and try to avoid “emotionally charged interactions” as much as you can. This doesn’t mean that you should avoid arguing at all. You just need to be more mindful when you’re in the middle of a fight. If you feel like it’s becoming too intense, it’s OK to take a step back, cool off, and then finish your discussion later.

4. They May Be Toxic

If your partner says mean things to you when they’re angry, take note of how often this happens. As Christine Scott-Hudson, marriage and family therapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us, you may be dealing with a toxic situation. “Verbal abuse is a repeating pattern of verbal attacks towards another person, including criticisms, insults, derogatory comments, sarcasm, and put-downs that systematically harms the recipient,” she says.

Your partner repeatedly telling you that they don’t love you, may be a form of emotional abuse. An emotional manipulator may even use this phrase as a way to control you and get you to do what they want. So it’s important to be very aware of what you’re dealing with. “The red flags you ignore in the beginning of your relationship will be the reasons for your relationship’s downfall,” Scott-Hudson says. “If your partner is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, do not ignore the signs. You can’t love them hard enough to change them.” You may want to consider looking for help.

5. They Really Don’t Love You Anymore

conflict and emotional stress in young people couple relationship outdoors

Shutterstock

“A lot of times anger can be dangerous in relationships because we’re acting on impulse,” Cooper-Lovett says. So if your partner says they no longer love you or they want to break up during every bad fight, that should be cause for concern.

At this point it’s become a pattern and it’s hard to believe that there isn’t any truth to it. Your partner may be afraid to say it, so they bottle it up and only let it out when they’re mad. If this is the case, you have to make a decision about what you want to do. As Cooper-Lovett says, “If the person you’re with doesn’t love you or says it in moments of anger, my belief is that in anger we speak the truth and it’s hard to take words back.”

If you’ve talked about it before and nothing has changed, you may want to consider asking for help. A couples therapist can help your partner deal with their feelings in a healthy way or help you figure out where the “I don’t love you” actually comes from.

Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

 

 

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30 Clever Instagram Captions To Use After A Breakup

After a breakup, only you can decide if and when you’re ready to share your newly-single status with the world. You can keep a breakup private, of course. But if you want to make it clear to everyone at once that bae will no longer be making any appearances on your feed, you can rip off the Band-Aid with a telling Instagram post. What you’ll need: a friend with portrait mode, a fire solo shot, and — most importantly — a clever breakup Instagram caption. And if you’re a little distracted at the moment, don’t worry — I’ve got a few suggestions.

The perfect post-breakup caption doesn’t necessarily have to be petty. You can complement your first single lady pic with a quote that’s empowering or wise or even funny, depending on what you’re feeling and what sort of message you want to send. If you and your boo ended on bad terms, go ahead and give them a little sass. If the split was amicable, use your caption to demonstrate there’s no bad blood. Even if you’re not totally A-OK yet, these clever captions might just make you feel a little better — and they’ll definitely show everyone else that you’re ready to move on.

TV Quotes

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  • “I’m done with great love. I’m back to great lovers.” — Sex and the City
  • “I don’t need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress.” — 30 Rock
  • “I mean sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.” — Friends
  • “Maybe I won’t get married, ya know? Maybe I’ll do one of those ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ things.” — The Mindy Project
  • “I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” — Grey’s Anatomy
  • “I am OK. I may not seem OK, and I may not be OK now, but I am, like, OK.” — Girls
  • “Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.” — How I Met Your Mother

Movie Quotes

  • “By the way, I faked every orgasm.” — The Naked Gun
  • “I’m in love. I’m having a relationship with my pizza.” — Eat Pray Love
  • “No, I’m no one’s wife. But, oh, I love my life.” — Chicago
  • “I’m enjoying a relationship with two men simultaneously. The first called Ben, the other Jerry.” — Bridget Jones’s Diary
  • “You can go shave your back now.” — Mean Girls
  • “If he were feeling what I’m feeling then he would know how it feels.” — My Best Friend’s Wedding
  • “If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.” — Legally Blonde
  • “The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment. One moment, when you’re not tied up in a relationship with anyone.” — How to Be Single

Song Lyrics

  • “Call it a curse, or just call me blessed, if you can’t handle my worst, you ain’t getting my best.” — Nicki Minaj, “Marilyn Monroe”
  • “I can’t believe that every day and every night, it’s getting better with you out of my life.” — Calvin Harris feat. Kelis, “Bounce”
  • “I know my place, and it ain’t with you.” — Kacey Musgraves, “Space Cowboy”
  • “My ex asked me, ‘Where you movin’?’ I said, ‘On to better things.'” — Drake, “10 Bands”
  • “We were a match, but not a fit. We were a dream, unrealistic.” — Katy Perry, “Miss You More”
  • “Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great.” — Fall Out Boy, “Thnks fr th Mmrs”
  • “Don’t you ever stress the ‘could haves.’ Baby, if it should have, it would have.” — Jordan Bratton, “Danger”
  • “I’ve been movin’ on since we said goodbye.” — Dua Lipa, “IDGAF”

Literary Quotes

  • “Like some wines, our love could neither mature nor travel.” — Graham Greene, The Comedians
  • “Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted makeup.” — Marian Keyes, Watermelon
  • “I like my relationships how I like my eggs. Over easy.” — Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
  • “One day they’ll realize they lost a diamond while playing with worthless stones.” — Turcois Ominek, Masquerade
  • “I cannot compromise my respect for your love. You can keep your love, I will keep my respect.” — Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words
  • “It was the beginning for me and the end for you.” — Nikki Rowe, Once a Girl, Now a Woman
  • “I’m proud of my heart. It’s been played, stabbed, cheated, burned, and broken… but somehow still works.” — Alcatraz Dey, The Serpentine Scrolls

It’s never easy to announce a breakup, but the right caption will show everything that you’re doing just fine — and it might even help you heal a little in the process.

 

 

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Should You Announce Your Breakup On Instagram? Here’s What To Consider

Lauren, 20, just wanted the freedom to move on from her recent breakup. She dreaded having to rehash the split over and over to friends who’d inevitably ask how her boyfriend was doing. “I wanted people to know I was single, not necessarily to put myself on the market, but just because I feel like they should have the right to know,” she tells Elite Daily. So, two weeks after things ended, Lauren subtly announced the breakup via Instagram Stories, by sharing a photo of herself on her laptop with the caption #singlelife.

As she expected, the photo elicited surprised reactions from friends. “A lot of people responded to it just being surprised that we broke up,” she recalls. “I got a lot of, ‘OMG,’ and, ‘Are you OK?'” Still, she had clear and thought-out reasons for posting that photo. “I’m not going to go around announcing to every girl/guy I see in person that I’m single,” she explains. This was more efficient — not to mention, kind of fun. “I also wanted to stir the pot a little.”

When you get into a new relationship, it’s common to introduce your partner on social media — in many cases, it legitimizes the relationship in the eyes of friends and followers. But when a relationship ends, there’s no clear course of action for how to clue people in. Some exes delete all traces of each other on their Instagram feeds. Others leave old photos untouched and never make an announcement at all. But occasionally, people disclose their breakups publicly on Instagram, with varying levels of detail about why things didn’t work out. You might have seen this play out for celebrities — for example, many former Bachelor couples do this — but regular folks are starting to come on board, too.

This strategy gets the word out quickly, eliminating the need to tell people IRL about your heartbreak. But it has some disadvantages, as well — namely, it involves other people in your love life, whether or not you asked for their point of view. “Generally speaking, you do not need to make a public announcement about your breakup,” explains breakup coach and dating strategist Natalia Juarez. “No matter how well you try to craft your caption, your post will invite a multitude of opinions.” Juarez agrees it can help eliminate awkwardness — but it isn’t the only way to move on.

Portrait of a young and beautiful Japanese Asian woman standing on a bridge during the day. She is a tourist and is posing for her portrait photograph of herself to post on Instagram.

Shutterstock

Instead, Juarez suggests taking a clean break from using social media following a breakup. Going cold turkey might feel like too much, but at least make sure you’re not dwelling on old pictures of you and your ex, or trying to stay constantly aware of what your ex is up to. “Once [you] do come back on, it’s best to remove intimate photos of you and your ex, as well as any other images that are emotionally painful,” Juarez says. “And if you do post, keep it light. Refrain from cryptic, posts with double meaning, or over-the-top inspirational quotes.” If your ex is posting negative things about you, don’t feel the need to retaliate. Juarez cites the iconic Michelle Obama quote to bring this point home: “When they go low, we go high.”

If you really want your good friends to find out quickly, you could also share the news via Instagram’s Close Friends feature, which limits the number of people who can view your story to a small, curated list. You can also just call or text your friends to let them know. “Tell your inner circle and other people you need to tell,” Juarez says. “They can help spread the word on your behalf. Other people may get the message, and for those that are clueless, if they do ask, simply let them know you and your ex aren’t together anyone for personal reasons, and then change the topic.” You don’t have to give anyone more detail than you’re comfortable sharing. Remember that this is your breakup and your healing process, and the only one who can truly understand that is you.

Whatever you do, make sure you’ve thought out what you’re going to post, if anything. The last thing you want is to share something in the heat of an emotional moment that you might later regret. Nancy, 26, remembers seeing a friend post about her breakup publicly one night, only to take down the posts the following morning. “My friend announced that her boyfriend was cheating and back on dating apps, and posted on her stories and her grid calling him a liar,” she tells Elite Daily. The couple ultimately worked things out, but the memory of those posts still lingers among some followers. “She hasn’t posted [with] him anymore, and if anyone comments about it, she gets super defensive,” Nancy says. It’s easy to delete an Instagram story or post, but that doesn’t mean the people in your life will forget it.

The decision to announce your breakup on Instagram mostly comes down to your reason for posting. Consider whether this decision will benefit your happiness down the road, and then choose what feels right. For Lauren, her breakup post did exactly what she’d hoped for — it told the people in her life about her single status. “It did the job,” she says. “This isn’t really the kind of news that spreads like wildfire, so I figured I should just get the news out quickly and efficiently. It worked, and no one was hurt in the process!”

Not every breakup ‘gram has a happy ending like Lauren’s, though. If you’re only looking for instant gratification — to let off steam and vent about your ex — you might one day come to regret your post. But if you’ve thought this through and are ready to share your news of your split with your followers, go for it. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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