Tired Of Being Alone? 10 Ways To Enjoy Being Single

Being single has a lot more benefits than we give it credit for.

Depending on whether or not you’ve been in a relationship, being single can be a positive or negative situation. If you’ve been in relationships, then it’s easy to feel more lonely — especially after you’re used to someone being by your side. If you’ve been single for a while, then you’re more comfortable living life for yourself.

Little do we realize what a blessing it can be to be single. We are not promised to find that one person in our lives. Instead, we have to learn to love our family, friends — and most importantly, ourselves. Instead of seeing singleness as a bad thing, it’s important to use this time being alone to see the good parts of not having a partner.

Holding on to perspective can save us from feeling destructive in our season of singleness. These days on shows, finding your true love is the main mission, when in fact loving yourself can be just enough.

Single people are portrayed as someone who is sad or even pitied — but being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Look to the list below to help remind you that there is a beautiful strength that comes with being single. Along with independence, there are plenty of benefits to being single than people give it credit for. Here are ten ways to enjoy being single that beat being in a relationship any day.

1. You get a chance to focus on yourself.

Being in a relationship can take up a lot of time in our lives. You begin sharing your partner’s problems, without having time to meditate on your own.

“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally expensive,” Susan Winter. The amount of stress in a relationship comes as a price for love. Being single activates a self-awareness of taking time to treat ourselves.

2. You become self-sufficient.

Having to live independently forces you to find your inner strength and not have to depend on someone else to be fulfilled. You have more opportunities to chase your own dreams while facing them without a partner.

Taking risks by yourself allows you to take control of your own journey. Instead of having to constantly fit someone else’s schedule, the only one that matters is your own.

3. You prove that you can be financially stable on your own.

If your partner has financial debt, then it becomes a financial burden on you, too. Being single helps you prioritize financial budgeting, without constantly spending it on someone else. This can also help prepare you for any relationship, to notice red flags in a relationship, and to help you stay financially independent once you’re with someone else.

Take time to look up financial gurus like David Ramsey, and enjoy having control over your finances. This gives you more free time to go out with family and friends, without worrying about over-spending.

4. Self-care is a top priority.

Activities like exercising, meditating, journaling, socializing with friends and more help promote nourishment to our brain. Happy chemicals like dopamine other endorphins encourage positive energy, not only for life but for others.

The single-season refrains us from pushing time for ourselves for someone else. Instead, we’re inspired to go on an adventure of self-reflection. Our identity is essential on our journey through life. Sometimes steering away from relationships forces us, to remember our strengths and weaknesses.

5. You have time to focus on your spirituality.

After experiencing a breakup myself, I notice that getting back to being close to God has become a reality for me. My relationship had to come to an end, but having a relationship with God became the goal.

There’s a personal intimacy with God when you’re single again — where I realize my heart is healing from the separation. This was a time to work on me so that God can morph me into the strong individual woman He needs me to be.

6. You have better connections with your friends.

Yes, your girl or boyfriend might have steered you further away from friends. Take this opportunity to reconnect with them and make more memories. True friends will always be there until the end.

A good friend will always remind your strengths and encourage you to keep moving forward. They will want nothing more than to see you grow, not just in the world, but in yourself.

7. The only person you have to compare to is yourself.

Being single, you start to learn that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. We all have a chance to grow in life and learn more about ourselves each day. If your partner didn’t want to try something that you were curious about, now is that time to chase after your curiosity!

Being single offers independence to build yourself, so if you meet someone new, then you’ll love yourself enough to prepare for anything. You don’t need someone to feel complete. You need to feel complete with your own life before you jump into another relationship.

8. You have the opportunity to travel whenever and wherever you want.

Waiting for your partner to be available for a trip can leave you feeling disconnected from the world. Grab a couple of close friends or family and hit the road.

Look far into the horizon, knowing you’ll be okay with whatever is on the other side of the horizon.

Traveling helps each and every one of us feel more in tune with the world. New culture, friendships, attractions, and more remind us of how beautiful and wonderful life can be.

9. You get time to figure out what you want in a partner.

Studies show that as much as fifty percent of marriages fail or end in divorce. Can you imagine how easy it would be to date a bad match? Getting to know who you are will help prepare for marriage because you’ll know what you’re looking for.

You’ll be accustomed to who you are and your system, and you’ll focus on who’s the best at compatibility. Even though in marriages you’ll have your difference, but during the seasons of singleness, you’ll have a firm ground to stand on. You’ll know who’s worth working things out and who’s better off with someone else.

10. You get to find comfort in being alone.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Some perceptions of singles have a negative connotation to them. You can be just as lonely or secluded even if you’re married. It’s all about our perception of life, and how we feel internally.

Who’s says the ultimate goal is to be with someone in the end? Instead, it could be about the quality of relationships we build, and how well we’ve nurtured our body and mind.

I mean… look at me. I’ve fallen in love a bunch of times and it’s been great. But I love being single and not having to answer to anyone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Men Share Why They Would Never Date a Single Mom

Moms need love too

Despite some fathers’ wishes, dating is a part of coming of age. Moving from a blissful romance between a girl and her imagination into the harsh reality of the actual dating world is… tough. It would be great to be able to say that it gets better as you get older, but the truth is: As girls grow into women, dating only gets harder. The more you’ve dated, the more baggage you bring with you into the next relationship.

While some come out of relationships with passport stamps, pets, or a few bad memories, others come out of relationships with children. Trying to get into a new relationship as a single parent is more complex than not. Your dates are dating you and your kid, not just you.

For a variety of reasons, these guys refuse to date single women. Here’s why…

Loving Then Leaving

I don’t date single moms because the ones I’ve dated have all left me to go try and work things out with their baby daddy. (Anonymous)

Out All Night

I won’t date a single mom. I need a girlfriend who can hang out whenever and not worry about finding a babysitter (Anonymous)

Well, that’s strange

I’m a single dad, but I won’t date a single mom because of the awkwardness of being around their kid (Anonymous)

Respect

I will never date a single mom so long as I can help it. I refuse to look after someone else’s kid that won’t respect me. (Anonymous)

Heartbroken

I’ll never date a single mom again! 2 years seeing her little guy almost every day, loving him like my own, and now I lost my place in his life, I’m heartbroken (Anonymous)

A teenager, you say?

I could never date a single mom unless her kid is a teenager (Anonymous)

Emotional Baggage

I refuse to date single moms because the ones I’ve dated just all have way too much emotional baggage. I can barely take my own, let alone someone else’s. (Anonymous)

No Dads Here

I feel bad because I won’t date single moms. It’s not that I don’t like kids or think they’re a stigma, I’m just not ready to be in a dad-type role and don’t want to waste anyone’s time. (Anonymous)

Yours comes first

I’m a single dad. But I don’t date single moms. I know it’s hypocritical. But I get tired of them imposing their parenting views on me and my little girl. (Anonymous)

The Risk Factor

Why I won’t date single moms: who wants to love a child like their own only to have them taken away from you forever if you break up? I don’t trust anyone enough to risk that. (Anonymous)

No kudos for you

I don’t date single moms. Kudos to the guys who are man enough to take over where another man left off, but I’m not down with all that. I’m not raising someone else’s kid. (Anonymous)

A Man With Standards

I honestly don’t mind dating single moms. I slightly prefer it. I just refuse to date them if they don’t put their kids first. (Anonymous)

How do you feel about dating a single mom? Let us know in the comments and SHARE this article!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey Did It To Her Music

At some point in their lives (16-24), most people will make a sex mixtape — a collection of songs to set the mood during lovemaking. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey had a playlist like that, only theirs was nothing but a loop of Carey’s song about how real heroes never go soft halfway through.

In 2012, during an interview with chain-smoking grandmother Howard Stern, Cannon revealed that when the then-couple had lovin’ on their minds, there was nothing that got the bodily fluids pouring like queuing up a couple of her tracks and going to town on each other. Their favorite Carey anthem? Her soft and sweeping “Hero.” Maybe it’s because of encouraging lyrics like And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. Or maybe it’s because Cannon doesn’t have any music of his own worth listening to while you’re trying to bump uglies. Either way, this should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with Mariah Carey, who insisted on giving birth while listening to a recorded live performance of her own song, “Fantasy,” so she could hear her fans clapping for her.

But unlike most of us, Cannon was getting off on his wife’s singing long before they were married. In the same interview, he also told the world that he jerked it to the very same song, which might be the most loyal version of masturbation anyone has ever admitted to. After their divorce, Cannon admitted that sharing those tidbits had gotten him into trouble with Carey. Maybe telling the world that he needed two Mariah Careys to whisper in his ears might have contributed to their split. At least he has her music to keep him company at night.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How Your Relationship With Your Friends & Family Can Lead To Coercive Romantic Relationships Later On In Life

When we think about people who behave in toxic ways over the course of a romantic relationship, we often think that they’re carrying some baggage from a previous one. But new research shows that, at least when it comes to coercive behaviors in romantic relationships, like controlling a partner, the roots go back far further than other romantic relationships. In fact, there seems to be a clear link between coercive behaviors — like being overly controlling, isolating a partner from their friends and family, and even pressuring or forcing a partner to have sex — and influences from our peers at a much younger age, as well as our parents.

A study published in Developmental Psychology looked at the long-term effects of family and friends during childhood on adult behaviors, by studying a group of 230 adults over an almost 20-year period. Researchers from the Arizona State University Psychology Department started studying participants around the age of 11 or 12 until they were 28-30, and there was something that happened during their teenage years that stood out.

Participants were asked to bring in a friend of the same sex and were videotaped while talking about different topics like friends, dating, drug use, and life goals. The researchers found that both boys and girls would engage in “deviancy training”, where friends reinforce antisocial ideas or inappropriate behaviors — like talking together and laughing about underage drinking or objectifying people they knew.

Interestingly, those who engaged in more deviancy training at age 16-17 were more likely to behave in a coercive or controlling way in their adult relationships when the researchers looked at the participants when they were in the 28-30 range. This was true of both the male and female participants.

“This has not been found using observational research before and also not across this long time period,” Thao Ha, assistant professor of psychology at ASU and first author on the paper, tells Bustle. “Also, the fact that this happens for males and females. Often we only think about the effects of male coercion and deviancy.”

One of the most important things the study found was that the participants’ relationships with their parents also played a crucial role. When the parents were absent or there was a disrupted relationship — a “parental vacuum” — it was easier for deviancy training to take hold and it was more common to see signs of antisocial behavior in their adult relationships. So although there may not be a way to prevent deviancy training from happening, having a stronger parental influence was shown to help keep these from leading to coercive, controlling, and abusive behavior in romantic relationships later in life.

“You learn how to communicate and resolve conflicts within early relationships with parents,” Ha says. “If coercion or disrupted parenting is the norm within a family then it is more likely that this will transfer to other relationships in life. In other words, it becomes normative to resolve conflicts coercively with anger, manipulation, and control, as we found prediction from early disruptive parenting to later romantic relationships.” When parents are present and have a strong, positive influence, there’s less of an opportunity for negative influences to take hold.

While there’s not one single thing that will lead someone down a path of coercion or abuse, it’s only through researching and understanding how these behaviors grow that we may be able to curb them. As this research shows, strong, positive parental role models can make a difference, when it comes to combatting negative influences — and maybe even stopping toxic and abusive behaviors later in life. Communication about sex and relationships is so important, especially during those formative years.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Signs Your Innocent Friendship Has Turned Into a Full-Blown Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships.

What is an emotional affair? How did your innocent flirting with someone you claim to be just good friends with turn into emotional cheating and infidelity?

I cannot count how many couples have come into my life with their relationships in shambles — with one spouse saying that their partner had an affair, with the other denying an affair occurred often proclaiming that they are “just really good friends” and that they “never had sex”.

So…was it an emotional affair?

In a monogamous relationship, people share both emotional and sexual information that is exclusive to their partners. They expose their weaknesses, mistakes, and innermost feelings.

We build trust with the other person because we make ourselves vulnerable. These conversations are valued and treasured by us because we know this information is reserved for us and only we have access to these aspects of our partner.

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships. We confide in our friends perhaps because we feel our partner lacks understanding or they are unavailable.

This is particularly common with couples where one or both partners is a busy executive. When we lack access to our mate and need an outlet to talk to, we turn to our friends. And there are the always available social media, where platonic relationships can easily take root as deep and emotional friendships.

One important point here is that a majority of the emotional affairs begin as harmless friendships without any intention or plan to develop the relationship beyond that of a platonic friendship.

Unfortunately, we all have limited time, energy, and emotional resources available — and when these finite commodities are expended on the “friendship” rather than your partner relationship, there is a disconnection where the partner has cheated, emotionally.

An emotional affair is one where a person falls in love with another person but the relationship is not sealed with a sexual act. Over time, if the emotional affair continues (perhaps you flirt without realizing), it often leads to a sexual affair.

Emotional affairs can be devastating and destructive to your current relationship and family. In fact, emotional affairs can cause as much (or more) damage as physical affairs, but be more devious since they are less obvious.

Why? Because it leads to secrecy, deception, and is established primarily to gain an emotional high or to run away from negative experiences within the actual marriage itself.

One of my clients recounts, “I was so much more shattered by my husband finding solace and love with her. I could have more easily forgiven a one night stand because she wouldn’t have meant anything to him but as an object for sex.”

When someone falls in love and seeks such intimacy with that other person, when the time spent with the partner is superficial because their heart longs to be with someone else, the underlying trust is shaken.

Casual flirting or a crush don’t even begin to cover the irreparable damage such kind of “affairs” cause.

So, are you having an emotional affair or are you just friends? Are you on the path to an affair, even though nothing has physically escalated…yet?

Here are 5 signs you’re having an emotional affair (and you need to stop).

1. You have conversations you’re not too comfortable with your spouse knowing about

Do you find yourself hiding your phone (or getting a separate one), making sure your email and phone passwords are secret? Maybe you’re thinking “I’m glad my partner isn’t (reading, watching, finding) this (call, text, picture).”

These are signals the “friendship” boundaries have already been crossed.

2. You find yourself daydreaming or making plans with this person

Examine your mindshare. Does this person occupy your thoughts unceasingly? Are they on your mind when you go to sleep, when you awake in the morning, and during most of the day? Whenever you are alone, do you think about them and seek opportunities to speak with them?

In a way, you begin to idealize this person. You may become more discontent with your partner and share concerns and problems with your friend while becoming more distant with your spouse. At times, you may even have disappointment that your spouse doesn’t do things like your friend does.

You, then, begin to find faults in your spouse for habits, beliefs, or approaches to situations that were never an issue and have always been present in the relationship.

Your tolerance for your mate is then less and they begin to irritate you leading to the belief that this person understands much better you’re your spouse ever did or could.

If you find yourself feeling more connected to your friend rather than your own spouse, then clearly some changes need to be made.

3. You’ve lost interest in being intimate with your spouse

It is a fallacy you think that affairs begin in the bedroom. Affairs actually begin in the mind.

First, emotional involvement often leads to our seeing our friend as having few, if any, flaws. This leads to our partner’s flaws becoming considerably more obvious leading to our being critical of our spouse and their habits and mentally comparing them to our friend.

While looking your best for work or going out is not an issue, the action of doing so for a specific person is entirely different. The action of being visually attractive to another person begins in the mind.

Expending considerable emotional energy and thought into dressing up for a friend is a signal that the relationship has a deeper meaning than that of traditional friendship.

Once you dress the part do you let your imagination play out romantic fantasies about your friend? Daydreaming and planning a new life with our friend is often the next step in the progression of an emotional affair.

This mental scenario with our friend is beginning to evolve into a relationship that we feel would be far superior to that of our partner. Directing your energy into cultivating a fantasy is not far from the fantasy transforming into a reality.

4. You’re spending less time with your spouse

Are you spending less time with your mate since the relationship with your friend has become a more significant part of your life? Are you are sharing personal problems, feelings, and thoughts with your friend instead of your partner?

Do you create ways to talk with or be alone with your friend? Do you stage opportunities where it is probable you will run into your friend and then the opportunity to speak with them appears organic? Do you find excuses to talk with them?

Whenever you have something exciting in your life or anything good or bad happens, do you rush to this person to share?

Whether it is communication, your daily life stuff, affection, thoughts, time or focus, does your spouse get less of your mind share while your friend gets more?

While there is nothing wrong with having a good friend, the problem comes when you begin to share less with your mate.

If everything that you used to give to your partner has become considerably less or completely transferred to this new person these are warning signs that an emotional affair is in the works.

5. You keep secrets and lie

Are you keeping the friendship with the other person a secret? Do you minimize the amount of time you spend with your friend to others? Do you omit details about meetings, private lunches, or phone calls?

Do you guard passwords, access to your phone and social media accounts from being seen by your partner? Do you delete evidence from your phone, lie about your whereabouts or deny having communication with your friend?

These are also hallmarks of an emotional affair.

Now that you’ve realized that you’re on the brink of an affair without meaning to, what should you do next?

It is important to remember that even when such affairs do not cross the line and reach the physical stage, the impact is equally damaging and could put your marriage in a danger zone.

The intimacy and chemistry that is the core of an emotional affair have a deeper emotional intensity because you happen to be emotionally invested in it.

An emotional affair is bad, it can slowly disconnect you from your partner and you won’t even realize it. If you have such a kind of friendship with the opposite sex, cut the relationship ASAP. Otherwise, it will take you down the road of a physical affair very soon.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1