Dating and Relationship Advice – How to Get Over Someone Who Cheated on You and Ways to Repair the Damage.

“This is a MUST READ for anyone who has ever been cheated on!”

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I feel this is one of the most important posts I’ve ever written. Being betrayed in an intimate relationship is probably the worst thing that can strike down a couple. Many of us have been in this situation, and it is a searing, corrosive moment in our lives.

But I feel this must be written to help those of you have faced this horrow or are currently living through this.

I hope those who will most benefit from this advice will truly listen to my words and grow through their pain.

Having someone cheat on you isn’t a walk in the park. The real challenge is learning how to get over someone cheating on you and dealing with the emotions.

Let’s get this out-of-the-way, no one actually likes being cheated on. Even if you wanted to break up with them already, it’s always a horrible feeling to know that someone went behind your back and was dishonest with you. It takes times to know how to get over someone cheating on you and repairing the emotional damage. Now, I’ve been cheated on once. I went to teach English at a summer camp for two weeks, and he met some girl at a music festival and slept with her. He called me while I was working and told me what happened. Of course, we broke up and though I tried to play it off as no big deal, it really affected me. Did I want to marry this guy? No. Did I see him as the father of my children? No. But at that moment, he was someone I was trying to get to know and enjoying the time spent together. Here’s the thing, I didn’t try to stay with him and see if we could work it out. In my mind, I knew that it was over.

How to get over someone cheating on you. But for some people, they don’t want to leave the relationship and would rather invest the time in repairing it. Now, is this a bad decision? No. And for some couples, they work through the problems and become even stronger, but it’s a hard path to take. Either way, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings about what happened. It’s not easy, but you have to do it for you.

#1 You need to make a decision.

When someone cheats on you, you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay with them or not? If you’re trying to figure out how to get over someone cheating on you, remember that for some people, the decision is easy, while for others it’s much more difficult. If you have children, your decision not only affects you, but it also affects them as well. But what’s important is that whatever you decide to do, you do it. That way, you can focus on the next steps for self-healing.

#2 Express your emotions.

I cannot emphasize this enough. No matter if you think you’re mentally strong, you need to talk to someone about what happened. Shutting up and going through the pain on your own isn’t going to work that well for you. If anything, you just bottle up all your emotions and eventually explode. Talk to the people around you that you love or talk to a therapist as they’ll be able to help you make some difficult decisions.

#3 You can’t change what happened.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that if you only did this or you only did that, but here’s the thing, you can’t change what happened. Now, you learn from it. You need to reflect on the relationship and look at what happened, what you need to work on, and how you want your future relationships to look like.

#4 Be sad.

Listen, if you want to spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating ice cream, do it. If you want to lay on a beach for a week crying, do it. The point is, be sad, regardless of whether or not you stay with them. You’re angry, you feel betrayed, so let it all out. Because if you choose to stay with them, you have to move past this.

#5 Talk to your partner.

You need to talk to your partner and tell them exactly how you feel. And, I know this may be hard, but you need to let them tell you how they feel as well if you truly want to understand how to get over someone cheating on you. Communication with your partner is essential after they cheat on you, whether you stay with them or not. They need to know how their actions affected you, and you need closure with what happened.

#6 Remove them from your life.

That is if you’re choosing to break up with them. If not, then you need to see a couple’s therapist to help you work through your issues. But if you’re choosing to leave them then fully leave them. Tell them that you need space away from them and ask them to stop contacting you until you contact them. Of course, you may never want to speak to them again, and that’s totally okay. But you need to cut the cord until you grieve and mourn.

#7 Don’t rush it.

I know you want to get over this as fast as you can. But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t try to “quicken” the process because everyone is different. If you’ve been with your partner for years, you can’t expect yourself to get over them in a couple of days. This will take months and months of healing before you start to feel better. So, don’t rush it, you need to go through the process at your own pace.

#8 Stay off of their social media.

What I mean is, don’t creep them. Please, just don’t do it. I know you want to see if they’re regretting their decision and posting sad songs on Facebook. Trust me, I know, but it’s not going to help you get over them. If anything, you’ll become obsessed with seeing their statuses and photos, seeing who they’re with, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.

#9 If you choose to stay with them, define your relationship.

What type of relationship do you want you and your partner to have? Yes, you went through a rough patch, and now you both are focused on making the relationship work. So, you need to decide how you and your partner want the relationship to look and what’s missing.

#10 It’s not going get better overnight.

Whether you’re trying to make the relationship work or trying to move on, it’s not going to get better overnight. This takes time to work through these things. You will need time to learn to trust your partner again, and they need time to work through their infidelity as well.

#11 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, we all make mistakes.

So, they may have told you that you worked too much, and they weren’t getting enough attention. Did they ever express this to you? Or was their way to deal with it to find something else immediately? Don’t blame yourself, because a relationship has two people involved, not just you.

#12 Don’t necessarily listen to your friends.

Your friends don’t want to see you hurt, so they’re obviously going to try to hook you up with other people or get you to go out which isn’t a bad idea, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Plus, if you choose to stay with your partner instead of breaking up, you’ll probably hear an earful from your friends. It’s not their life, it’s yours. Listen to what they have to say, but, eventually, you’re the one that will make the decision, not them.

#13 One day, this won’t bother you anymore.

It’s a strange thing, especially when someone cheats on you, but eventually, this won’t bother you anymore. I know, right now you’re thinking that you may never get over this, and it’ll haunt you until you die, but it won’t. There will be a moment when you just stop thinking about it. It just won’t come to your mind or if it does, you won’t feel anger. It’ll be a moment of your life.

Now that you know how to how to get over someone cheating on you, it’s best to really focus on yourself and repair the damage that’s been done.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 10 Conversation Starters That Make You Instantly Interesting

1.Ask for a helping hand

“Helping questions are great conversation starters because when a person helps you it forms natural bonds. When you help another person to figure what an item is on the buffet or locate the restroom, it lowers your defenses. For example, if you’re at the grocery store, ask ‘Do you know how to tell if this fruit is ripe?’ It makes you look open to learning more and will help the conversation flow naturally.” —Dawn Maslar, MS, author of Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding True Love. These magic phrases can save any awkward conversation.

 

2. Compliment something other than someone’s looks

“Instead of complimenting something generic like their eyes, highlight something that shows their personality, like their purse or a book. This is simple, elegant, and great if you are interested in someone or anytime you want to boost their likability toward you for business or social reasons.” —Paul DePompo, PsyD, ABPP, psychologist.

 

3.Go simple… yet bold

“Give a genuine smile and say, ‘Hi.’ It sounds too simple but people are so used to other people staring at their phones that a simple smile and hello can be a very bold move. It shows the other person that you’ve noticed them and you’re interested in getting to know them better. And you’ll almost always get a hello back. (If you don’t, let it go. You don’t want to date a rude person anyway.)” —Suzanne Casamento, dating expert and the creator of Fantasy Dating

 

4. Ask for their honest opinion

“Asking ‘I’ve been really thinking deeply about something and wondering if I can share it, and get your feedback?’ shows your interest in the other person and solicits new and interesting information that is fun to discuss. Pretty much anyone will want to share their opinions with an interested party and they will think you are nice and fun to be with, as well.” —Melissa Orlov, therapist and author of The Couples Guide to Thriving With ADHD.

 

5. Tell a bonding joke

“Jokes work well because they are disarming and work on a biological level. If a woman laughs at a man’s joke, he feels assured that she has a level of comfort with him. For her, laughing releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone.’ These two things together create an opening for more conversation.” —Dawn Maslar

 

6. Offer to help them

“Being helpful is always a great way to get a person’s attention, especially when they are struggling to do something or seem overwhelmed. The one thing people always enjoy is relief but you don’t want to add to their stress or come across as creepy. So try something simple like offering to hold something for them.” —Alexis Nicole White, author and relationship expert

 

7. ‘Cheers’ them

“If you are in a bar and looking for an excuse to talk to someone, just go up and raise your glass and say ‘cheers!’ This is effective because it’s non-threatening, polite and will most likely be reciprocated.” —Laura Bilotta, matchmaker and founder of Single In the City

 

8. Repeat what they said

“If you are shy and don’t know what to say try being an empathetic listener. Reflect back what you hear the other person saying and offer compassion. This allows the other person to feel heard, validated, and accepted—and they’ll want to spend more time talking with you.” —Fran Walfish, PhD, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent

 

9. Ask about a mutual friend

“Mutual friends are good conversation starters when you are at a family gathering, party or any event where you were invited by the same person. Asking ‘So how do you know Mike?’ helps them share old stories and allows the two of you to jump right in and get to know each other. This one is especially effective if you let the mutual friend know you’re interested in talking to the person who’s caught your attention, so that they can slip in the conversation later on.” —Lori Bizzoco, relationship expert and founder of CupidsPulse.com

 

10. Say it with a smile

“It is viscerally impossible not to like someone who genuinely smiles at you. This means smiling with your entire face, including your eyes. Try this as you greet friends and colleagues and observe their reaction. A smile will disarm defenses, boost your likeability, and increase the chances of a positive conversation before you say a word.” —Wendy Patrick, JD, PhD, behavioral expert and attorney.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 4 – Draw the Line

“Me? But I don’t know how to play guitar.”

“Yet. You don’t know how to play guitar… yet.”

(That is not a Sears Silvertone guitar. That is a semi hollow body Kay guitar borrowed from a friend. But that is a me at around 16 years old.)

One day we were in the basement working on some new tracks. One of the songs we really wanted to do was Draw The Line from Aerosmith’s latest self titled album. I was a huge fan of Aerosmith and had gotten that album for Christmas.

We started working on the song, which wasn’t that hard. The only difficulty I faced was the last verse. The lyrics aren’t written down anywhere and it’s mostly just Steven Tyler screaming a bunch of nonsensical rhyming phrases. It’s incredibly hard to decipher what he’s saying, so I had to keep playing it over and over and listening very carefully to Mr. Tyler scream the final lyrics.

But eventually me and a couple of my friends figured it out. The lyrics are here:

Checkmate, don’t be late
Take another pull
That’s right, impossible
When you got to be yourself
You’re the boss, the toss
The price, the dice
Grab yourself a slice
Know where to draw the line

You can hear the whole mess at the 3:16 point of the video below.

So that problem was solved. Now trying to sing it. I could sing, but I’m no Steven Tyler. Not by any stretch.

As we continued to work out the song, we came upon another problem. There is a point in the song where they do a musical break before that final onslaught of lyrics. While guitarist Brad Whitford keeps the rhythm going along with bassist Tom Hamilton, Joe Perry does a solo using a slide.

Jerry addresses the problem with me and Larry.

“Larry can carry the riff on bass, but I can’t play the rhythm guitar part and play the solo.”

“So what do we do?”

“I need another guitarist to play those three notes over and over until the solo is done and then I can pick it back up again. That’s when you sing that last bit.”

“Well we can’t bring in another guy to play three notes in one song!”

“We already have the guy.”

“Who?”

“You.”

“Me? But I don’t know how to play guitar.”

“Yet. You don’t know how to play guitar… yet.

(Smiling from ear to ear) Okay, Jer. I’m down. How do we do this?”

I still have my first electric guitar before I bought the Strat. It’s a Sears Silvertone. You can use that and I’ll show you how to play it. I’ll bring it with me tomorrow.”

“Okay… okay.

Oh my God! It’s a brand new world. I’m the lead singer of a rock and roll band and now I’m going to learn how to play guitar!

All my dreams are coming true!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12pmEST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

Daily loving, self-care is a habit that can make you more attractive to others. There are many ways to treat yourself right that can make a visible difference on the outside as well as the inside.

Prioritizing self before others can feel selfish, but it is vital for your health, well-being and wholeheartedness. Your self-confidence is attractive to others, so nourishing this inner resource is important. Let’s look at 10 daily habits that make you more attractive.

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

When we think of attractiveness, we usually think of things that affect our physical appearance. However, not all attractiveness is external. Being attractive emotionally, spiritually and mentally is just as important for finding the right mate.

1. Connect with people deeply

We are attracted to people like us, and we also find likable people attractive. Being likable is easy; be more interested in hearing about the other person than you are in telling about yourself.

Ask probing questions to understand the background behind people’s actions, preferences, and stories. What is this person like when they are at home alone? What are their fears and dreams?

2. Treat friendships as a priority

Friends don’t let friendships grow apart. By nourishing your friendships, you practice the skills necessary to sustain a happy romantic relationship as well.

Friends make you smile, and smiling is always an attractive habit.

3. Live in the present moment

In a study of attractiveness in a speed-dating situation, women found men more attractive if they measured higher in mindfulness. This appears to only go one way for the sexes, as men in the study did not find mindful women to be more attractive.

Mindfulness is peaceful self-awareness. It is the knowledge that in the present moment, everything is just as it should be. Mindfulness is attractive because we shift focus away from anxiety or depression while we focus on the now. Mindful people tend to be more emotionally balanced.

4. Move your body

Obviously physical exercise keeps a body in shape, and healthy bodies are more attractive than unhealthy ones. This is especially true of males and females who are looking for healthy partners with whom they hope to raise a family.

When we think of someone who is attractive, they almost always possess grace in their movements. Balance and stretching, as well as mindful movements, will help you to present yourself as an attractive partner.

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

5. Nourish yourself with excellent food

Nourishing your insides helps nourish your skin. Radiant skin is always attractive, and beauty starts from the inside. Think about a potential mate watching you as you eat. Would your potential mate be more attracted to you if they saw you eating some greasy fast food or dining on a gourmet vegan meal that you had made yourself?

6. Know your self-worth

Be sure of your value. Be confident in the fact that you are intrinsically valuable as a human being and more so because of your character, intelligence and kind actions. It’s been said before that confidence is sexy, and self-love is the best way to build self-confidence.

Project your value with your head held high. Meet the gaze of others directly and say to yourself ‘I would make a great catch for the partner who is worthy of me.’ Be careful not to cross the line into arrogance. Aim for an attitude of self-assurance.

7. Have excellent sleep habits

Sleep ensures that our bodies are able to replenish their depleted resources. Making a habit of getting good rest also means that you’ll look better physically; your skin will look healthy and your eyes will shine!

Mentally, well-rested people are better able to cope with stress and less likely to fail to manage their emotions. Good sleep is a good self-care habit that can also make you more attractive to your potential mate.

8. Make it a habit to have down time

Self-care includes some time with no stress or concerns. Make sure to release stress by enjoying plenty of down time. Again, visualize your ideal mate watching you as you relax. Choose an activity that feeds your soul like mindfulness meditation, yoga, or reading.

9. Forgive and learn from mistakes

Self-improvement means constantly learning. Studies that question males and females about desirable traits in a mate show that ‘psychological traits are important in human mating, with both sexes valuing intelligence and kindness very highly.’

Intelligence doesn’t have to mean that you have a degree. You can demonstrate intelligence to a potential mate by learning from mistakes and handling it well when you make one. You can demonstrate self-kindness by forgiving yourself for making a mistake in the first place, then, show what you’ve learned by avoiding the mistake in the future.

10. Take immense pleasure in simple things

In every moment, you have a choice to be happy or angry/sad/afraid. Choose joy and gratitude no matter the situation. This moment and the smile on your face could lead you to find the mate that’s right for you and who has their own matching inner and outer attractiveness.

 

And above ALL things, it’s most important to remember that you will be loved not for who you aren’t but for exactly who you truly ARE. This list is only meant to help bring you closer to that truly authentic, loving, attractive self.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Ben – Gym Guy

“Let me put it this way to you Achilles…Our worst prison nightmare is a decent payday for Ben.”

Ben came to us as a guy who tanned at our salon. He was always talking to Achilles about all his business deals and things. I never trusted this guy, but Achilles always gives people a couple of chances.

We were building the fitness part of our business out on Walnut street to compliment the tanning salon. I think Ben saw an opportunity to insert himself into this opportunity and came on strong.

I never got a good vibe from him but Achilles gave him a chance. At first we thought we’d bring him as a trainer because he was a fitness guy. We gave him a trial and he actually did pretty good with some of the people who came in.

But there was always something about him that gave me a bad vibe. He’s been married a couple of times. The kids live here in Philly and he lives in DC. I asked Achilles what the guy did for a living and he said he was a party planner. Apparently he worked as a personal trainer at a gym, but also worked as a driver for escorts for bachelor parties. He also told us he worked as a stripper in his past life. This guy is 48 now and dyes his hair blonde. We know he’s on steroids because he has bitch tits and is always sniffing. I’m thinking that’s coke.

I’ve lived in LA and been in the music industry. I can spot a druggie a mile away. This guy’s a loser. I don’t want him to poison what Achilles and I are working on with this gym. But I can see him trying to. He’s trying to spend more time here and work at the salon.

I tell Achilles that when I’m here Ben can under not circumstances touch anything in the salon. I run this place. This causes me stress of this weird invader, but Achilles knowing that I’m his golden goose puts the kibosh on Ben.

We’re mired in a lawsuit with the fitness center upstairs and can’t even open our little place. We’ll settle that nonsense eventually and figure it out. I’m sure we’ll just do personal strength training and it will all fall away.

But I can’t shake my suspicion about Ben. I google the shit out of this parasite. I see he has worked as a male stripper. I watch the videos. It’s gross. I’ve met his 11-year-old daughter. She’s a lovely child. I’m sure she has no idea what her dad has done.

I’m a dad, I get it. We have kids, and we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. There are things I’ve done my daughter can never know. That’s just being and adult and being responsible. They never need to know certain things. We’ve all done things we’re not especially proud of, and we let them die in silence.

But everything is online now and kids could find things. I’m just glad that all of my evil never made it to the internet. Lorelei never needs to see that, and even if she did she wouldn’t be interested and wouldn’t even look because it would be gross. But thankfully there is nothing out there on me.

I never liked Ben and always got a weird vibe from him. I didn’t want Achilles to get sucked in by another asshole because I love the salon and like every company I worked for always protect the integrity of that company. It’s what professionals do. Achilles has never had an employee like me but I bring great power and a flurry of 5 star Yelp reviews.

When I was at the salon at night I kept googling him. I needed to dig. I found some things. He was arrested 10 years ago for not paying his child support. No problem. I feel you dude. That shit is expensive and ruins your life.You missed some payments and your ex is a fucking relentless monster. I get it. I was married to that kind of fucking asshole. A relentless harpy that just wants what’s coming to her. A lonely empty cunt that will never be happy. So that’s a pass from me brother.

But I keep digging because you are trying to infiltrate what I’m doing with my partner Achilles.

Achilles tells me you want to invest in the business and cut me out. Achilles immediately tells me about this conversation and it’s not happening buddy.

I continue digging.

I keep googling you and then I come across a name that isn’t you in my search. I plugged in your name, Ben, but there is a new name that comes up.

I click on the link and learn a whole new thing about you sneaky male stripper, Ben.

I find a different name and you’re a porn actor. Payday. Not only are you are a porn actor you only do gay porn. All you ever talk about is banging girls to Achilles and me.

I watched your video’s Ben. I’m able look into the darkness and see the light. I found what I was looking for about you. I don’t care if you’re gay or straight but I watched videos of you doing everything sexual with men. Only Men. No girls. That changes one’s perception. Does gay for pay pay more than straight porn?

I called Achilles and this was our conversation:

“Dude, I’ve been googling Ben and found something.”

“What?”

“Please do not look upon this because I care about you and you’re a good man and I consider you a friend,and I don’t want to hurt you”

“What is it?”

“Ben does hard-core gay porn all the time.”

“What the fuck?”

I’m not going to mention any names but just know this dude does gay porn and only gay porn. No chicks!”

“Fuck!”

“I really looked to see if there were any girls and there are none.”

“Shit”

“Let me put it this way to you Achilles. Our worst prison nightmare is a decent payday for Ben.”

Achilles lost his shit and laughed his ass off.

We don’t really work with Ben anymore.

As a side note, I lent Ben $20 and we haven’t seen him since. So that’s a blessing. It only cost me $20 to rid our salon of him.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Couples with Successful Marriages Have These 13 Things in Common

Not surprisingly, there are some things that successful marriages have in common. So, for people who want to have a successful marriage, these are the things they need to focus on. They will work for every person in every relationship and just need to be applied to work.

Ready? Here are the 13 things every successful marriage has:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Notice this article is about what “successful” marriages have, not perfect ones. That’s because there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. Every relationship will have good times and hard times, and those who are in successful ones know that it’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows.

Setting realistic expectations for the relationship, however, is not nearly as important as setting realistic expectations for partners. If a person sets up unreachable expectations for their partner, they will always be disappointed since their partner can’t meet their expectations.

2. Have The Right Motives

When two people get together, their best chance of success comes if they’re together for the right motives. Not wanting to be alone is not the right motive for getting married, and neither is following family or religious traditions.

When two people are together because they genuinely love each other and want to spend every moment together, that’s the right motivation. When two people are together because they’re ready to do whatever it takes to stay together, that’s the right motivation.

3. Are Two Successful People

A successful marriage always has two successful people, and that’s not to say they’re both at the top of their career tracks. It is to say that each partner is mature, healthy, and able to say that they are successful on their own, that their success in life is not tied to their marriage.

When a marriage has an unhealthy member, that person will always look to the other for support and validation, and the healthy person then has to work twice as hard to keep the marriage working right. When both individuals are emotionally unhealthy, it just gets worse.

4. Be Completely Honest

The worst thing someone can do in a marriage is to reach out to someone outside of their marriage when they have a problem with their marriage. The only person that can solve that person’s marriage problem is the person they’re married to, so that should be the one they’re going to with a question.

The more painful a subject is, the more critical it is that it be brought up to a marriage partner rather than anyone else. Part of that honesty means both partners need to be trustworthy and open to hearing harsh truths. Only then can they be worked through successfully.

5. Respect The Other

Even more important than communication is respect. Every successful relationship has two people who respect each other in every imaginable way. If a person loses their respect for their partner, it usually isn’t long before the relationship starts to fall apart.

In successful relationships, each partner respects the other for who they are as a person, what they believe in, what their interests are, and what their dreams and aspirations are. They recognize that they won’t always agree on everything, but they still respect each other.

6. Have Good Fights

The measure of success in a relationship does not come from how infrequently or even how gently a couple of fights. The truth is that couples that fight more often (and sometimes even more loudly) are more successful than those who don’t fight.

The key is that they both allow the other person to express themselves and say what they need to say, then they resolve the problem. Sometimes, it’s not entirely settled as a compromise can’t be made, but what’s important is that it’s left in the past when it’s over.

7. Feel Genuine Forgiveness

Even more important than fighting is the forgiveness that follows in successful relationships. When a successful couple forgives each other, it means complete remission, which means wiping the slate clean and not allowing the offense to affect their relationship.

Something that successful marriages don’t do is keep bringing up old fights and hurts because they have genuinely forgiven the other person and no longer allow those things to come up. Forgiveness is the only way for couples to keep moving forward without allowing past hurts to hurt their future.

8. Have Rules

Although it seems strange for a loving, thriving relationship to have rules, these are incredibly important for making sure that both partners are on the same page and will prevent a lot of conflicts, frustration, and problems.

Relationship rules should be written out and cover everything from finances to how often a couple goes out on dates. Successful relationships stick to these rules and allow them to improve their lives and their relationships by encouraging them to keep their relationship healthy, open, and consistent.

9. Have Space Between Partners

Without some space between two people, it can be complicated to be able to enjoy each other since they don’t spend any time apart. It can often lead to co-dependency as each partner begins to need to get everything from their partner alone.

Having some space for each person to pursue their own interests and have their own friends allows each partner to get social interaction and personal fulfillment elsewhere that they can then bring into their marriage. It also gives them something to talk about.

10. Embrace Changes

Change is inevitable, and successful marriages continued to love, accept, and support their partner through every type of change that life may bring. It could be as something small as a haircut, or something as major as a change in religion.

As people go through life, they’re going to change, and in successful marriages, both partners accept the change that happens and are willing to fall in love with the person their partner is becoming because they recognize that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

11. Focus on Little Things

Little things in marriages always add up to big things. This can be positive or negative, depending entirely on what little things are happening in the relationship. Successful couples pay attention to the little things because they know what can happen if they don’t.

Snarky comments and little insults will add up to resentment and big hurts. Washing dishes and kissing before leaving the house will add up to mutual contentment satisfaction. When it’s little negative things, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better.

12. A Lot of Sex

Of course, the frequency of sex varies significantly from marriage to marriage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s something that many couples miss the importance of in their relationship. But, when there is an emotional disconnect or a hurt, lack of sex is often the first sign.

Some couples have even used sex as a way to repair their relationship when things are feeling a bit dry. They merely commit to having sex every day for a week no matter what, and immediately feel closer to each other by the end.

13. Surfers

A surfer rides the waves of the ocean as they go up and down, and can be stronger or weaker. In a successful marriage, both partners surf the emotional waves that naturally come. They recognize that sometimes will be better than others, but they stick with their partner no matter what.

Sometimes, these waves come in the form of feeling a lack of love towards a partner, something that can last for a few days or even a few years. But in a successful marriage, that partner sticks with it, rides it out, and rediscovers their love that they would have missed had they bailed.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

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Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 3 – Dog Food & Drummers

Mike Carlin on the drums!

It was fun to be in a band. I knew it would be. There’s a real comraderyand respect between the band members. You didn’t choose these guys as friends, but sometimes you just hung out with them and went to the mall. It wasn’t just a group of friends strolling to the Orange Julius, it’s the band Renegade.

Sometimes during practice to break the tension of developing a new song, jokes would be fired back and forth between members.

Chaz: “Maybe I should open this shirt another button when the girls stop by again.”

Jerry: “Nobody wants to see that hairless baby chest of yours.”

Chaz: “Oh yea? Well I’ll have you know Gerald, that hair doesn’t grow on steel.”

Jerry: “It doesn’t grow on Jell-O either.”

Shut me down!

Or the time Jerry first met my younger sister April. He would say, “Oh there’s my wife.” It was bizarre and eccentric. She was only 11 years old! We all knew that it was just a funny bit he did, and in no was it meant to be lascivious in any way. It was just weird.

Sometimes Jerry would go into the cupboard in the kitchen when he would first come over and start eating the dry dog food right out of the box. I think he just did it to shock people. It was all very funny and he was a great guitarist.

One time I noticed that one section of the hair on the right side was darker.

“What happened to your hair?”

“I put hydrogen peroxide in that section.”

“Why did you do that, Jerry?”

“Because I wanted to have one little blonde patch in there like Joe Perry. But instead of making it lighter it made it darker.”

“Okay…”

 

The band was coming along. We were working on a few songs by then. But something was off. It was the current drummer, Jack. He just didn’t fit with the band. He also wasn’t very good.

One day somebody brought over this guy Mike. It was just Me, Jerry and Larry hanging out and working on some new material. Jack wasn’t around for whatever reason. Maybe he bailed on practice or something. This other guy Mike gets behind the drum kit and we decide to let him jam with us.

We run through a few numbers and this guy’s tight. He’s also a good-looking guy. I remember my sister Janice coming down the basement and acting a little extra friendly during their greeting.

We decide we want Mike to replace Jack. But we don’t want any drama or Jack losing his shit. I tell the boys I’ll handle it. They’re happy about that because they don’t want to deal with it.

The next day I call up Jack and tell him the bad news. Jerry has quit the band to focus more on school and with no Jerry there is no band. He seems frustrated but accepts the reality of it. Without the lead guitarist who knows all of the songs and all the solos, there’s no Renegade. He says he’ll be by tomorrow to pick up his drums.

I think it was a Saturday because we were all off from school. Jack is packing up his drums. “Tell Jerry, next time he wants to start a band to make sure he’s SURE about it.” I sensed Jack’s frustration. I also felt bad about lying to him. But I had high anxiety back then and didn’t want to face the drama and rejection of it all.

As Jack pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street, I stood on the sidewalk watching him turn the corner. A station wagon down the end of the street started it’s engine. The wagon pulls into my driveway and Mike, Jerry and Larry get out.

“Pretty slick guys.”

“Yea, we wanted to get started as soon as possible.”

“What did you tell Jack?”

“Umm… I just told him his timing was off and he needed to work on that. He agreed, and I said that we’ve auditioned some other players and we’ve decided on a specific candidate to be his successor in Renegade.” (A bold-faced lie. I didn’t have the balls to do that.)

“Wow, man. That took balls. Good job!”

We start unloading Mike’s white Ludwig drum kit. We all carried pieces of it and he gets it all set up.

About a half hour later we’re running through the set list and the band is sounding as tight as a crab’s ass. (That’s water tight)

We’re happy with Mike and I think we’re all set. The usual gaggle of teenage girls wander down the back steps and park in various parts of the basement around the band.

Life is good. Once we were all just targets of bullies. Outcasts. Weirdos. Victims. But now we play rock and roll and everything has changed. The boys that hang up at the corner don’t fuck with us anymore. We are a band. We play songs they like. No longer will they hurt us and especially me. I have created something. It has taken me to the next level. They sit on the corner and play street hockey. I make music with strangers from another school in my basement.

One of the bigger guys one day pulls me aside and tells me that he thinks it’s cool that I’m in a band and the music is good. He thinks it’s cool that his girlfriend and her friends want to hang in my basement and check out my band. He asks that I keep an eye on his girl Patty while he’s at football practice. He knows I’m harmless and it’s a cool place for her and her sisters and friends to be while he’s busy with the boys.

I have become a refuge for the bullies of my neighborhood. I’m happy with my new alliance with these animals. I look at Ray and think about Ryan O’Neil. Dear close friend to Lee Majors in the seventies. Lee was so busy shooting the hit TV series, The Six Million Dollar Man, (A show I worshipped) he asked his buddy Ryan to look after is wife Farrah Fawcett when he was away. Ryan said what I said to Ray that very day.

“I’ll look after like she is my own.”

Ryan O’Neill ended up clipping Farrah and making her his girlfriend and they had a child and he loved her until her untimely death.

I didn’t think of any of this at the time because it hadn’t happened yet, but we were a collection of misfits that suddenly had access to a lot of pretty girls that would show up at our practices for no reason. It was alien to us. But we loved it. None of us were accustomed to being around pretty girls. I think Larry was especially freaked out, and it seemed like Jerry didn’t care. Mike dug the attention, and I just loved that we had an audience.

I was NOTHING before this moment.

Something was happening, and I liked it very much. (Second from the right… Oh my)

The pimple faced, bespectacled, greasy haired loser was emerging as a singer in a tight rock and roll band. Skin cleared. Braces were off and swagger was starting to happen.

The girls liked the songs and we were doing something no one in the neighborhood was doing. The world was opening and for the first time, I really felt alive!

I loved playing the song Cold Gin by Kiss, even though back then I was a closet Kiss fan becuase as great as they were live, a lot of people thoought artistically they sucked. But it’s a great song an I adored playing it with the boys. At that time I had never even tasted hard liquor. I just dug the jam.

 

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Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 2 – Rats In The Cellar

(Photo: Jerry Demara – 1979 playing a blonde 1976 Fender Stratocaster – rosewood neck -post CBS production through a 50 watt Stage amplifier)

So the boys come over and start getting their gear set up. I’m introduced to the drummer Jack Dingler. Jerry wasn’t very fond of Jack but I don’t know exactly why. I think he just thought the guy was a moron that didn’t really gel with the band. (What band?)

Jack is setting up his drums and Jerry is tuning up his 1975 post CBS blonde Fender Stratocaster. Larry is over by the bar noodling on his bass. Oh let me describe my basement. Let’s start by using the photo of Jerry above. Let’s pretend you are taking that photo and are standing right in front of Jerry.

The red triangle in the upper left portion of the photo is the steps leading upstairs. Below that you’ll see a black and white early promo photo of a young Aerosmith. I bought that glossy print in a shop on the Wildwood boardwalk the summer before. (I still have that photo framed behind my desk at home. (Along with b&w 8″x10″s of Farrah Fawcett, Charlie’s Angels and Jeff Buckley) Below that is a centerfold photo of Steven Tyler I ripped out of either Creem or Circus magazine. (The two most popular music mags of the 70’s) Below that is bookcase that held my father’s books. (That’s the first time I ever saw an issue of Playboy. He used to stash them under books at the bottom!) All the way behind him is a closet under the stairs. That’s one of the places my parents used to hide our Christmas presents. My dad would put a playing card between the edge of the door and the jam high up on the door. If he came down the basement and saw the card on the floor, he’d know some little kids were rooting around looking for presents and he would move the gifts to a safer location. Behind his guitar you can see his Stage amplifier on a small table. I believe it had two ten inch speakers in it. That thing could roar. He also used a distortion pedal called a Univox Super Fuzz, to get that heavy rock sound. Also behind him is his open flight case for his guitar with its soft orange plush interior form fitted to hold his guitar firmly in place during transit. Further back against the wall is obviously a dartboard. That green wrapped object in the foreground is the corner of our pool table. (Yea, awesome to have in a band space) On top of that looks like my vocal speaker. It’s actually a speaker that is an auditorium speaker for a movie projector. (My dad lent it to me.) That covers everything in the photo so if we move off to the right along that back wall there is an old green sofa big enough to comfortably seat four to five Catholic schoolgirls. (This is how it starts… I’ll get to that later)

Past the sofa on the right was a grey filing cabinet that my dad kept his files and papers in. He also kept his service revolver locked in there. I’d only seen it a couple of times. I don’t like guns. On the next wall was a door that led to concrete steps that rose up to two green metal doors. The classic tilted metal basement doors that you could open up and they stood open. So we could get some fresh air if we needed to or just let the music flow outside to draw in the little birdies.

Next to the basement door, was a fake fireplace. It really was just a place for my dad to put one of the speakers to his stereo on the mantle. On the next wall next to that were two translucent windows. One near his black wooden desk. (Off Limits) next to that on the right was his record player/stereo. Along the back wall was the bar. The bar had come with the house.My parents weren’t big drinkers at all, but when they were younger they’d entertain down there. It was a beautiful little bar and I remember my dad always had colored mini Christmas lights along the ceiling above it be cause he loved Christmas.

That’s where Larry stood and played his bass.

Heading to the front there was a bathroom with a and beyond that, the washer and dryer and a fridge in the front of the basement. So basically we had the space to ourselves and we were in the best part of the cellar.

Jerry hands me some lyric sheets and a set list. They include: Feel Like the First Time, School’s Out, Cold Gin, God of Thunder, Come Together, Cat Scratch Fever, Seasons of Wither, Train Kept a Rollin’ and a few others I’ll probably remember as I write this.

Appropriately enough the first song we rehearsed was “Feels Like The First Time” by Foreigner. My sister Janice had purchased that record when it came out. It kind of amazes me, that My father and my older sister turned me on to some of the best rock music in my life. My dad, Iron Butterfly, Steppenwolf, The Beatles and The Who. Sister Janice, gave me Aerosmith, Foreigner, Boston, The Cars, Kansas and many more.

We had a lot of the music on records that the guys wanted to play, so we’d play the record first. I’d sing along and get the rhythm and feel of the number and the guys would play along a bit.

We went through a few songs and I could feel it starting to gel. It was fun and felt so good. I was the fresh blood this band needed.

I was the 16-year-old loser who never got guitar lessons because he wasn’t discipled enough. I was the artistic kid with bad skin, and braces and greasy hair and stupid clothes and pilgrim shoes. A living target. A joy for all of th bullies in the neighborhood.

But that was over now. The older boys in the neighborhood loved rock and I was going to make some myself. May be they wouldn’t pick on me anymore. My skin was clearer, my hair was growing out long and blonde, I was lean and better looking. My braces were off and I was in a BAND. I wore jeans, and boots and sunglasses. May be I could be cool too.

I didn’t know who the hell I was, I just wanted to do music. Music and art was the only thing that never hurt me. I could create it and it always brought me joy. Jerry and Larry had no idea that they were saving me from myself.

Things were changing.

 

 

 

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Alicia – Bar Owner

After the 3 part Cherie series last week, I wanted to give everyone a little break from me and my girlfriend. So here’s a story from my past to entertain you until my next encounter with Cherie.

I had recently gotten divorced back in 2001 and one of my friends decided to hook me up with Alicia who was about 10 years younger than me and “Owned a bar”. (Love her already!) She drove a super nice car and wore clothes much nicer than mine, so I figured she was a little high maintenance or just a successful bar owner.

We meet at a party and she’s awesome, super pretty, fun, and says she LOVES TO PLAY POKER in Atlantic City. This is great because I said we should go play some time. We hit it off great and make plans to go the next weekend.

The next weekend rolls around and I meet her at her house (Borderline mansion), and I drive us down to AC. It’s about 45 minutes/miles to AC. We chat and have a great time the entire way. We also make the agreement that whatever we both win we split. If I win $500 and she wins $700 it’s $600 for the both of us.

We get there and I pull out $600 from the ATM to sit and play cash, strangely she doesn’t pull out anything so I assume she brought cash. Before we even make it to the poker pit she says “Let’s play some slots”…. Now I HATE slots and think they’re for suckers but I’m not above dropping a bill for fun so we sit down and I open my wallet. She snatches a bill…. $500 left… which after a couple of max bets is GONE… I say, “Lets go” and she says “Let me try one more time” and I go to check my wallet for anything less than a $100 bill…. she snatches another…. Now I’m down to $400.

Now I know damn well looking back I should have called bullshit right then and there but I was young and she was hot. I’ve always had a weakness for beauty.

She drains the hundred and we proceed to the poker pit. Right at the entrance I pull out my wallet to get my $400 to sit and like a fucking ninja she snatches $200 and says, “I’m gonna play slots while you play poker” and is gone before I can say anything!!!

I am seething mad but also a pretty good poker player.  I sit with the table minimum of $200 and quickly make back the $400 she took plus $200. She comes back like an hour later and says, “look what I won with that $200 and has a slip for $700!! I snatch it as soon as she shows me. I cash out my $800 and head to the cashier with $800 in chips and the $700 ticket from her. $1500 isn’t looking bad.

I cash everything and hand her $450… half of the $900 after I recoup my $600 that I withdrew. I’m met with “Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Where’s my $750?!?!”

There was no explaining that we were splitting everything we WON and that I recouped my $600 and split the $900 that remained. Alicia’s screaming mad and keeps telling me that it’s not fair and I’m screwing her etc.

I have no clue what to do…. we’re in Atla,ntic City 45 minutes from home and she’s coming undone at the seams in front of god and everybody. This is the point I decide to nut up and just start walking to my car with her SCREAMING in tow.

We get to the car and it’s the longest most awkward drive home. 45 minutes of dead silence (which wasn’t that bad considering her yelling before!) and we reach her place. I stop and she looks at me and says “I hope you weren’t planning on coming in and getting fucked.”

Deadpanned, I reply “You’ve been fucking me all night, I think I’ve had enough.”

Come to find out, mommy and daddy owned the house, car and bar. Alicia was a part-time bar-back while going to school.

I hate my friends.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 22 – Shark Week – Part III – Shoes & Scarves

Alright, don’t panic. I didn’t get Cherie pregnant last night during Shark Week. Although she did say a few things last night that shook me up.

  1. It only takes one sperm…
  2. I always wanted a girl…
  3. My husb…

She assured me she was just kidding about the first two. She’s made it very clear to me that she doesn’t want anymore children. But those sort of references always rattle me to my core. But in regard to the third one, she was telling me a story last night, and that’s how she almost slipped to refer to me. I called her out on it, and made it funny. She laughed and was a little embarrassed. I thought that it was cute. Does she want me to someday be her husband? I do love her. Time will tell. Let’s see how this romantic journey plays out.

We head out into the snowy day. It’s not that bad. Pretty flurries, and some snow on the ground. But we’re on a mission. Breakfast was amazing. We didn’t get the special, but it was worth it to spend some extra time in bed together.

You know, when I’m with Cherie, she becomes more beautiful to me every hour I’m with her. I don’t get to see her all of the time. Michelle I saw every day. Annabelle, was a forced companionship to make it work. But with Cherie, I’m denied her presence most of the time. Our schedules and the distance keep us apart. But it’s working! When I’m with her, I’m at peace. Not a euphoric happy that I felt with the last two. Just a satisfied feeling that I’ve never felt before. I haven’t had to change at all with her in my life. I’ve gone good and bad in the last two relationships, but I do what I want in this relationship and most of all…I get to be me.

The real me.

To a point. I smoke, and drink and live my life down here in the city. Working two jobs, moving a business, writing a blog that you’ll one day binge on Netflix. That’s the difference here. I don’t have to be patient and fix the girl I’m loving. I don’t have to stop being me, and transform into an idea. I don’t have to be frustrated, angry or disappointed. I thought that was part of being in a relationship. My parents were that.

All of my relationships have been fucked up. There’s always something missing.

A disconnect. I loved them, but it was always hard. I just thought it was always supposed to be that way. I guess that’s why Michelle went back to Delaware Dave. She did it to save herself. Work on your health. You can’t do that with Phickle. He’s all about joy and vice. It’s fun, but it won’t sustain a relationship. Annabelle was in a totally different child-like, confused part of her life. I don’t even know why I thought it could be anything. It’s just ashes blown off the edge of an old table.

I don’t think we’ll always be at a distance. But I’m not going to do anything to change it now. It’s been three months and I have zero stress or confusion about what this is. Sometimes I’m amazed that this ripe, young, fit beauty really loves me. I know she does. I love her but there’s always an imbalance in every relationship. it’s not a bad thing. It just is. Somebody loves somebody more than the other one does.

Think about it. That’s you. You’ve been there, or you’re there right now.

I love Cherie. She’s young, beautiful, smart, super sexy, and a chill girl with an even temperament, and a great sense of humor. What more could any man want? Nothing. She’s great, and I’m blessed to have her in my life. Sometimes I think of myself and God. I feel like I’ve spent all of my luck and good fortune tickets. I punched every hole in my joy ticket.

Then I think of karma. What if I did something to deserve one more twenty-six year old baby, but she’s the right one? Not a project, but a lovely young woman who has suffered. Worked ten years at MacDonald’s. Has been a mother for the last six years. Medical Assistant at Children’s Hospital. Works at a pediatrician’s office. Tons of hours. getting her degree in neuroscience. Next stop, medical school. End game: Doctor.

But the karma. I haven’t done anything extraordinary since, Michelle. Why have I been granted this maiden?

To love again.

Why do I get to go again?

Then it came to me. February, 2015.

Lorelei came to me. The lead in the school play. The A-B student. The quiet, calm force torn asunder by her mother’s madness.

“Daddy, please. Can I please come live with you? I can’t take it anymore. I have to get out. I’ll sleep on the floor to get away from her.”

There it is. I have entered into and exited bloody from many relationships in my short life, but I got a “Get out of Jail Free” card from God. I rescued my daughter from the clutches of the gargoyle and God gave me another one.

Cherie.

Cherie loves me more than I love her and I know it. But maybe she doesn’t love me more and only loves me differently than the way I love her.

 

We enter Kids Foot Locker and look for some sneakers for kids. Lorelei is twenty and it’s been a long time since I thought about buying shoes for her. But Cherie’s family is young.

My family is slowly sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

There are walls of footwear in these places. I would never go to a store like this. Payless is how I roll in regard to fine footware here in Philly. I am blown away by these prices. There were $100 little baby sneakers in there! Walls of them!

Cherie was very thorough in her search. She finally decided on two terrifically expensive pairs of shoes for a couple of kids that will grow out of them in half a year.

We step out of the store and the snowfall seems to be getting worse. I tell her I know of a retail street cart at the corner of 12th and Chestnut that has the scarves I need. There’s Pollyanna party at my new company. If you ever have to buy a gift for someone in the fall or winter in Philly, buy a street scarf.

Super soft. Silky. That’s how I would describeit… cashmere. But I’m describing these Burberry novachek knock offs that look and feel great for about six bucks.

We trudge over there. The snow is getting colder and meaner. The flakes now feel like cold needles on our tender faces.

Philadelphia is a bitter and grey place today.

We arrive at where the cart is supposed to be but it’s not.

Cherie is not thrilled.

She wanted to buy a hat and some gloves. I tell her I have an idea. I cut South through Midtown Village. We enter at the earliest point to get into the subway.

At least I have baby out of the cold!

Suburban Station in the winter is a den of homeless people. It’s especially frosty out tonight so, we have a packed house full of walkers right now.

I find this subway retails store that carries everything. I get the scarves I need, and Cherie lands her gloves and hat. When we leave the store, I want to keep Cherie underground for as long a possible, because it’s now an ice storm out there.

We’re walking down this long hallway, and I swear to God, the urine stench was so bad, I actually started getting angry. Cherie wanted to turn back, but I told her she’d freeze her sweet black ass off if we were to back track. (Just take out the word ‘black’ please…)

As we’re walking down the hallway of the walking dead, I turn to the right and there is a woman with no pants on. This poor thing is changing her clothes in an alcove under 1601 Market. Cherie, chides me for staring, but I have to explain it to her. If you saw nudity in Playboy, you’d be expecting it. It’s good, but there are higher levels. If you were walking through a train station and you saw a real naked lady, it would feel different, right? It’s a bit of a shocker. As bad as she is, you still saw it and got a story out of it.

I knew this would happen. I created phicklephilly and now we are one. My art is imitating my life and my life is now my art.

We walk back through center city to the house. Her giant back pack is there. The entire walk home was a grueling trudge with snow biting our faces the whole way. We chill for a bit and dry out at the house. Lorelei texts me that she is stopping home between the double she’s working at the restaurant.

“That was nine minutes ago. We should go.” There has been very little exposure for my current, I wanted it do the opposite in this relationship. We are literally in the vestibule of my building, and Cherie says, “How do you open this door?”

I look through the glass and on the other side of the door is Lorelei. Cherie is trying to operate our impossibly tricky locking system. “You’re about to meet my daughter.”

Lorelei is surprised to see me. Probably even more surprised that I’m standing with a pretty black girl. I fumble over my words. “Hi honey. I got your text about stopping home between your double shift. This is Cherie. I’m going to walk her to the train. We just had to pick up some stuff. She doesn’t think anything. My daughter knows I’m friends with so many people in the city and they’re all different races. It’s not like she caught us in the saddle.

We head back out into the snow. It’s really going. I think about how I haven’t told anyone about Cherie. It’s not because of the age difference or the race. That’s nonsense. But for the first time in the last decade, I’ve not posted and shown off what I’m doing. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I’ll figure it out. There are no pictures of Cherie and me. There are no posts about us going out. This love belongs to us. It’s private. Who gives a shit about the rest of the world. Let them look into their own lives. Show all of their greatest hits on all of their trips. Stuff and vacations tell me they are empty. Because when you are calm and happy, you don’t want anything. The best things in life are free.

It’s really true. Everybody wants that. But love is elusive. But what is even more elusive  is people’s ability to go out in the world and open their hearts. Love and sex is all around you. Just relax, smile and go forth and be yourself. They’ll find you.

The most beautiful butterflies I have ever caught have been wonderful. But I never had to pick up my net to catch them. They flew right into the flame.

I’m not worried about Lorelei. She doesn’t give a shit about what I do anyway. As long as she can work, collect her allowance, eat her vegan food, and see her boyfriend, she’s cool.

We cross the street, avoiding the traffic on the street. “Where are we going now?” Cherie says. “I’m calling an UBER. We’re not walking back to Suburban Station in this mess.” “I’ve never taken an UBER.” “You’ll love it.”

We arrive at 16th and JFK and hop out. I take her and lead her down the stairs back into the subway. I take her to the platform and wait with her. We’re standing there and the train roars into the station.

I’m back where I began friday night. But there has been so much joy. I’m standing there satisfied. It’s obvious I ‘ve been satisfied sexually. But there’s a certain feeling you get when you’re with someone you love. You don’t want anything else. You’re good. All set. I’ll miss her, but she has to go. She has to get back to her son, work, and school.

I stand on the platform until she leaves. I can see her at the window. The conductor shouts. The train hisses to life and begins to pull from the station. Our eyes meet. She smiles, waves and blows me a kiss.

I do the same. Until next we meet.

 

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