How Do You Know If You’re With The Right Person? Ask Your Partner These 7 Questions

When you get into a relationship with someone, it’s safe to say that you want to make sure you’re not wasting your time. You want to be with someone who understands you, appreciates you, and is someone you can potentially see a future with. But because we aren’t mind readers, it can be hard to determine if your partner is really right for you. Lucky for you, you don’t necessarily need to be clairvoyant to figure this out because there are questions you can ask your partner to see if they’re “The One.”

“On the surface, asking questions sounds like a good idea, however, how you ask is the key,” Richard Horowitz, professional educator and co-founder of Growing Great Relationships, tells us. “Your partner does not want to feel interrogated. Therefore try to ask questions naturally and not all at once and also ask your partner to ask question so that it feels like a mutual conversation.” Through these conversations over you time, you’ll be able to learn about things such as their values, likes, and dislikes, which can play a huge part in whether or not you two may be compatible with each other. But if you’re confused about where to start, here are seven questions you can ask your partner to find out if they’re truly the right person for you.

1. How Would We Handle Worst-Case Scenarios?

Andrew Zaeh 

Sometimes the best questions to ask your partner have to do with the extremes. Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, marriage therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us that asking your partner about how they would handle things like emotional affairs, illnesses in the family, or even invasive in-laws is a good way to gauge your partner’s views and how they are under pressure. If your partner’s answers show a willingness to work together to figure out a solution, it’s a good indicator that they’ll be a communicative partner throughout the relationship. But if they have hard-and-fast rules about certain things, you can determine if they’re someone who’s right for you. This question is also a good way to determine if your partner is going to be the support system that you need in a relationship or not.

2. Do You See A Future Here?

This question may seem like it would be awkward to ask early on in a relationship, but it can really show you whether your partner can see things progressing. “Many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship,” Scott-Hudson says. She suggests asking about all the things that may come with the progression of a relationship like what pace they want to move at and when they’d like to meet and involve friends and family members. “These things are best discussed before the couple moves in together or marries in order to prevent misunderstandings and to promote clear and healthy communication.”

3. Do You Want Kids?

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You may want to become a perpetual dog-parent and never have kids, or you may want to an entire football team as a family. Whatever your preference is, it’s important to discuss it with your partner to see if you two are on the same page. With something like kids, it’s a little harder to compromise on. Scott-Hudson explains that it’s also important to be on the same page about the issue of possible infertility, to determine if you and your partner would be supportive of each other in that case. She also explains that it’s important to take it a step further and ask about how they would want to raise kids, if you both want them. She suggests asking questions like, “In what religion [if any] will we raise our children? Public or private school? Do you expect one parent to be a stay at home parent, and one to work? Or do you expect both parents to work outside of the home? Will they work during high school and college, or be full time students? Is adoption a possibility? Is in vitro a possibility? Is foster parenting a possibility?”

4. How Do You Feel About Your Family?

Andrew Zaeh 

Family can either be a great or a tricky subject for some people. Either way it’s important to learn about your partner’s family and their interactions with them to determine what values your partner grew up with and how they might act in the future. “How they answer will determine their attachment to important people they grew up with and gives you good information about how they will treat you and your possible children in the future,” Dr. Tammy Nelson, sex therapist and sex therapist and consultant for Ashley Madison, tells us. “It doesn’t matter if they are in a positive relationship with both parents, but more importantly, if they have forgiven them for past mistakes.”

5. How Do You Feel About Sex?

Sex shouldn’t just be something you and your partner do, it should also be something that you talk about. “We choose a partner based on physical and sexual attraction,” Nelson says. “If sex is important to you now, it’s definitely going to be important to you later on. Make sure that you both have the same level of interest in sex and you both see it as a priority.” This is also the case if you’re someone who doesn’t want to have sex. Being open and honest about your position on sex and asking your partner to do the same can show you whether or not you two are compatible.

6. How Important Are Politics To You?

Andrew Zaeh 

For many of us, our political ideals are directly aligned with our identities and personal values. Asking your partner about their political affiliations or who they vote for can give you an idea of what they care about and also what they might not be too concerned with. “Strangely enough, we can put up with separate religious or spiritual views and we can handle it if they are terrible slobs as roommates, but studies show that we cannot tolerate a partner who votes on the opposite side of the aisle,” Nelson says. “It might not seem like a big deal now, but if your partner has different values than you, it will matter. Particularly now, at a time when the government is divided so clearly down party lines around things that matter deeply.”

7. How Do You Act After Arguments?

Although it may be hard for your partner to be totally perceptive to how they act after arguments, asking this question can give you an idea of your partner’s behaviors and what they might need from you whenever you have a falling out. Scott-Hudson suggests asking questions like, “Do you like to be left alone? Do you need physical comfort, like a hug or a pat on the arm, when you are upset? Do you need time and space to process your feelings? Do you need me to reassure you that I’m not leaving you, that I’m not going anywhere, or abandoning you?” By asking your partner these questions, you can determine if their behaviors at your relationship’s worst will be something you’ll be able to deal with or not. And if not, you might have to reevaluate whether they’re the one for you.

It might be hard to determine if your partner is your perfect match with a few questions, but these questions are a starting point to bigger discussions that can really show you what’s important to you and your partner and if those values are compatible in the long-run.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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5 Signs You Need Couples’ Therapy, According To Experts

Inevitably, all relationships have their ups and downs — and most of the lows are things that that the two of you can work through, so long as you are a united front, and if you are both willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Even the happiest and most loving couples have moments of tension and friction that, if left unresolved, can quickly grow into more serious issues and turn into toxic patterns that will doom the romance. Fortunately, before that happens, you might be able to spot the signs you need couples therapy so that you can fix the situation.

The question is: How do you know it’s time to stop trying to work through all your problems on your own and set up an appointment with a therapist? There is no “wrong” time to do so, because there is nothing wrong with getting a professional helping hand, particularly when the future of your relationship is at stake. It’s all about what feels right for you.

However, there are some situations where introducing a neutral party can be make or break for a couple, and so it’s important to recognize if your relationship is headed down a bad path, before it’s too late and you’re past the point of no return. To help spot those signs, I reached out to the experts. Here is what they say are clear signs you need put a couples therapist on speed dial.

1. You have the same arguments over and over.

Do all your fights come with an intense feeling of déjà vu because it’s the same one over and over and over? If that’s the case, Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, tells Elite Daily it’s time to get some professional help to assist in breaking the cycle. “You have the same arguments over and over again and a couples therapist can teach you to identify which issues are situational and perpetual,” says Chlipala. “For the latter, those are the arguments that are recurring and need to be managed, not solved. We have tools for that!”

2. One of you is considering having an affair.

If you or your partner is seriously considering cheating, it’s time to call in a professional. It’s possible that this is a passing phase, but Chlipala says “if you are noticing that other people or one person in particular is grabbing your interest, go to therapy.” Chances are there are underlying reasons why your eye is wandering and “a couples therapist can also point out the vulnerabilities in your relationship that can lead one to cheat,” explains Chlipala.

A therapist can also help strengthen your relationship moving forward, she says, by teaching you “how to affair-proof your relationship, too.” In other words, if you’re thinking about cheat, run, don’t walk, to the couples’ counseling couch.

3. You can’t stand conflict.

Conflict and arguing are not a ton of fun, but for some people it’s so uncomfortable they will do anything to avoid it. Not arguing may sound good in theory, but in relationships, Chlipala explains, “Conflict is healthy and necessary for a relationship to grow. If you avoid conflict, you risk things such as unhappiness, resentment, and seeing your partner negatively and unfairly.” So, for the sake of your relationship, it’s essential to learn how to tolerate conflict and “a couples’ therapist can teach you skills on how to manage conflict effectively.”

4. You blame each other for everything.

Once resentful patterns have taken root in the relationship, and issues have gone unresolved, it can get increasingly easy to just start blaming the other person for all the things that have gone wrong. This is why couples’ therapy is so important.

As Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills, family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent tells Elite Daily, it helps both partners to become more accountable again. “The first and most important thing a person learns by talking to a stranger, counselor, therapist, or clergyman is self-awareness and accountability,” says Dr. Walfish. However, she adds, “hearing your own voice verbalize problems and issues forces one to acknowledge their own shortcomings much better than hearing it from someone else.” Pointing the finger exclusively at your partner, she says, is “playing with fire!”

5. You’ve tried everything else to fix your relationship.

There may come a time in your relationship where you feel like you’ve done everything you can to resolve your issues and you just want to give up. If that happens, dating coach and relationship expert Susan Winter says you shouldn’t give up quite yet. “If you and your partner have unsuccessfully tried every avenue possible to correct the issues disturbing your relationship, it’s time to enlist the help of a professional,” she tells Elite Daily. In order to salvage the relationship, it’s going to take a lot of good healthy communication, and a couples’ therapist can help be that conduit, says Winter, adding, “if resentments fester and there’s no resolution in sight, seek professional advice.”

If some or all of these signs are hitting home, it’s time to seriously consider making an appointment for you and your partner. Winter offers some advice on how to choose the right therapist for you. She says to “look for one that will listen to both of your points of view. It should not be your personal therapist, or your partner’s personal therapist. Their understanding of your joint situation would be skewed by pre-existing information. Rather, choose someone new to both of you.”

Taking this step may feel daunting or like your admitting your relationship is more troubled that you would like to admit, which can be scary. However, if it’s in a place where you do need help to get through a rough patch, it’s better to take the plunge and get counseling than to continue down the path your on and likely lose the relationship, right? Don’t be ashamed to ask for help and to do it as a united front. That’s the first step to getting back to being the team you once were, and could be again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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3 Signs You Need Space From Your Partner, Because Sometimes You Need A Break

One of the most satisfying parts of having a bae is that there’s always someone around to spend time with. Whether you’re in need of a Netflix and ~chill~ buddy or a date to bring to a family event, being in a relationship ensures that you have someone by your side when you need them. That said, no matter how in love you are, making time for yourself is really important too. Space is something you should never be ashamed to ask for, so if you’re recognizing the signs you need space from your partner, it might be time to have a conversation.

Recognizing these signs doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s wrong with your relationship. It could just be that you’ve been neglecting your needs as an individual, which can start to feel like a major strain on yourself, mentally and emotionally. I spoke with best-selling author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter to find out what you should be looking out for.

“It’s absolutely normal to love someone and also need your space,” Winter tells Elite Daily. “Partnership requires a lot of emotional and mental energy. Being in a relationship also means we’re aware and attentive to our mate’s feelings and needs.” Sometimes in our rush to satisfy others, we forget to take care of ourselves. If you suspect this might be happening to you, here are three signs you could use some you-time.

1. Everything your partner does annoys you.

According to Winter, if you find yourself constantly annoyed by everything your partner does, then there’s a solid chance that it’s time to take a step back. “When we push past our own self-care boundaries, everything our partner does will get on our nerves,” says Winter. It’s not that you don’t love them, but just like being over-exposed to your BFF or even your family can stress you out, there comes a time when you need to do your own thing for a sec.

2. You lash out at them.

“[If] you’re really bitchy [to your partner] no matter how hard you try to be nice,” it could be that you need some time to recalibrate and recharge your emotional battery, explains Winter.

Letting your partner know that you need some space can be tough, so instead, many of us try to keep quiet about our urges to fly solo. But keeping your feelings bottled up makes it easier to take out your frustrations on your SO, which can result in more hurt and confusion in the end.

3. Being around them makes you feel short-tempered and irritable.

“Too much togetherness is suffocating,” says Winter. “We’re going to be impatient and reactive if we haven’t had space to unwind and collect our thoughts. The correct balance of together and alone time is essential for any relationship to thrive.”

If you find yourself feeling tense around your SO for no reason, then it could be a sign that it’s time to have a conversation with your bae about your need for space. However, Winter also notes that if you aren’t communicating with your partner and are instead pulling away, there might be a bigger issue at place.

“You’ll know you’ve got a problem if you get more joy being away from your partner than with them, you find yourself making less and less time to see your mate each week, or you have to force yourself to put on a ‘happy face’ in order to appear normal,” warns Winter.

It’s important to be direct with your partner about how you’re feeling. Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, so there’s nothing wrong with making more time for yourself as long as you let your partner know, so they aren’t in the dark about your needs. A good partner will be supportive and understanding, so don’t be afraid to be honest.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 is Now for Sale on Amazon and Kindle!

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

“Love is a many splintered thing” – Andrew Eldritch

Here it is! The long awaited sequel to the best selling Phicklephilly! Thanks to everyone who bought the first book, and to all of my readers and subscribers on this blog!

Without all of you, none of this would be possible!

You can get it here!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

When I started writing Phicklephilly back in May of 2016, I never realized how much it would grow and flourish as I went forward. It began as an earnest effort to start writing again. After a few false starts through the summer, I finally decided that if I was going to start writing again, I should stop talking about it and just do it. 

It began like most creative works. Slowly. Once I published my first post, I thought; how am I going to do this every Monday? I had no followers and no exposure anywhere. Instead of worrying about that, I decided to dig in and start to tell stories from my recent past. But since then it’s grown exponentially. It’s a dot com now and has hundreds of thousands of page views. I’ve monetized the site and secured advertisers that generate revenue to support my work. It’s been a lot of fun!

In the beginning, my inspiration was a server named Maria who worked at a local restaurant. I sort of had a crush on her but it never became anything. But it was enough to get me writing again. When I met her I had already been in Philly for almost ten years.

 My first relationship with Michelle had only lasted about three years before she left me. She was approaching age thirty and the alarms were going off in her head to get married and make babies. I had already been married and divorced years before that and had a daughter. I wasn’t going down that painful and expensive road again. The odd thing about my relationship with Michelle was, it was the first time I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, stayed friends with me. We were best friends. Isn’t that the key to all successful and loving relationships? 

Michelle reconnected with her former high school boyfriend. Normally that never works but I think this time it might. I think Michelle broke up with him, left Delaware and came to Philly because the guy wasn’t on the road to success. I think Michelle needed to explore the world a bit. She did that for a while and then met me. I was new and different and we had the time of our lives together in the city. But what neither of us realized was that was all we really were. A couple of people who loved the city and it’s nightlife. The drinks flowed and the laughter ensued. But once we got an apartment and moved in together it was the beginning of the end. We didn’t know it at the time, but domestic life never suited our relationship. We were best friends who liked the social excitement of going out, and being a deadly couple in the city. Once the adventure ended it was over. 

We tried it for a while, and did all of the things that couples do. Celebrate the holidays, birthdays, family stuff, and all of the other grinding aspects of domestic life. But we just got to a point where Michelle realized I wasn’t going to marry her and give her kids. We remained friends for several years after that until she moved to California in 2013 to be with her former boyfriend. He had become the man she had hoped he’d be many years ago. She married him, and at the time of this writing has a baby daughter. So it all worked out for her. She achieved the American dream.

I on the other hand started dating Annabelle in 2013. Annabelle is a failed actress and photographer. She makes her living shooting head shots and weddings. The reason things failed with Annabelle was our obvious age difference, and absolute opposite lifestyles. I was the corporate sales guy, and she lived in a world surrounded by theater people. It was like oil and water, and the only thing we shared was our mutual attraction to each other. Annabelle served as a temporary stand-in for my friend Michelle. The relationship lasted a tumultuous nine months and ended. It was fun in the beginning, but all romantic endeavors are. Once the reality sets in that you’re not a match, normally the relationship dissolves. Both of these relationships are well documented in the first Phicklephilly book.

Michelle is long gone, but her memory continues to haunt me of what could have been.

Near the end of the book I met Cherie. When I started writing the blog I realized I had to get back in the dating game. So I did what most people do. I went on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and whatever else was available. I went on a bunch of crazy dates, but things clicked pretty early on with Cherie. 

I realized I had an ending to my first book. I had burned through a couple of relationships, and then met my love, Cherie. Everything was right in the world. She made me happy and we shared some wonderful times. Over the first couple of months we became close and Phicklephilly had a happy conclusion. It seemed like the perfect ending to a great story. I had reached my destination, and had found love in Philly!

Also, when I was with Michelle and Annabelle, I wasn’t writing. Their stories were told from memory, so it’s basically our greatest hits. But phicklephilly the blog was alive and well when I met Cherie. A rich history indeed!

But what happened after the end of the first book? We’re both in love with each other and things are going great. The story has to continue. I can’t just let the tale end there. There’s so much more to reveal. 

Please join me on my continuing journey.

 

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Tales of Rock – Kurt Cobain’s Custom-Built Fender Mustang Is Up For Auction

Kurt Cobain’s Fender Mustang is being sold at auction by Julien’s Auctions. The custom-built electric guitar was played by Cobain during Nirvana’s In Utero tour, and after his death in April 1994 it was given to a fan by Courtney Love.

Cobain’s Mustang is being auctioned as part of Julien’s Icons and Idols: Rock ‘N’ Roll collection, which also sees lots such as a 1988 Guild GF-60NT formerly owned by Eric Clapton and the late Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell’s 1993 Gretsch Duo Jet. And hygiene be damned; there are even a couple of Bob Dylan’s old harmonicas on there too.

The Mustang was built by Scott Zimmerman of Japanese guitar manufacturer FujiGen, who held the Fender Japan contract from circa 1981 to 1997. Fender reached out to Zimmerman in 1993 because the Fender Custom Shop was not equipped to build left-handed Mustangs.

(Image credit: Julien’s Auctions)

(Image credit: Julien’s Auctions)

(Image credit: Julien’s Auctions)

The Mustang was among 10 ordered by Fender, with six in Fiesta Red and Sky Blue finishes being sent to Cobain before his death. It was shipped along with another Mustang on 22 October 1993, and those are the only two to have the “Offset Contour Body Patented” decal on the headstock. This Mustang was later modified by Cobain’s guitar tech, who affixed a Gotoh tune-o-matic bridge and installed a Seymour Duncan JB-1 humbucker in the bridge position.

The label on the case indicates the guitar was called the Skystang III, and the guitar comes with the case and a letter from Courtney Love to a fan, plus FedEx receipts and other ephemera as proof of authenticity.

Bidding is presently at $75,000, with one bid accepted. Julien’s Auctions expect it to fetch between $300,000 and $500,000 when the auction closes on 25 October.

See Julien’s Auctions for more details on the guitar and to view the other items in the catalogue.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Michelle – Chapter – 23 – One More After This, And Then I’m Done

I don’t really go on social media anymore.

I don’t care about your lunches, or dinners or events or your social events

It means nothing to me. I used to post everything I was doing on my social media when I was working in advertising.

But no more. I live a private life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Social media’s a sad symptom of our society that gives every moron on Earth a voice.

I’m tired of you all. I see you all for who you really are and the pool is so shallow I see nothing in any of you anymore.

But for a moment I saw something that caught my eye.

My former girlfriend Michelle was pregnant with a little girl due in June. (It already happened)

She’s finally reached all of her goals of having her health, a happy marriage with her husband and now a child is on the way.

Well done.

It’s good we’re no longer in touch.

My work is done and you have no longer any use for me.

Perfect.

I’ve lifted you to the place I have hoped for you.

I think we both agree that what you have now is what we both hoped for you all along.

Well done, Michelle.

We had a great time, but you’re needed where you are now. You made it, and now you have all of the things you want.

I am honored we had the time we had together. It was the best time of my life, but now you’ve found true happiness and all of the things you wanted.

God Bless you both and I wish you all only health, happiness and the wellness of your child.

Michelle, you finally got the perfect life you always wanted. You have the perfect marriage with the man you’re supposed to be with, finally! I’m so happy for you. You live in the place you’ve always wanted to be in and have the job you always dreamed of.

Perfect.

I hope your baby girl is born happy and healthy!

God bless you all!

You did the right thing.

 

I’ll be at the bar…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

COMING SOON… PHICKLEPHILLY 2

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

Love at First Swipe! 

Phicklephilly 2 is the sequel to the best selling book, Phicklephilly: One man’s journey to find love in Philadelphia. In the first book, our hero returned to the city in search of the perfect girlfriend. It was a funny, and sometimes heart wrenching tale of a man trying to navigate the pitfalls of the modern dating world. 

After two failed relationships, he turns to online dating. He goes on several crazy dates, but finally finds a woman he really likes. She’s a bright, unique beauty, but like all relationships, they face several challenges.

Phicklephilly 2 continues his journey and shows you what it’s like being in a relationship, and the dynamics that play out living in the city. But several factors work against them both at every step. Will the couple survive the pitfalls and demands of being in an exclusive committed relationship?

He doesn’t always do what’s right, but neither does she. This is his intimate story of what that’s been like for him. Join him to see if he wins… or loses again. 

There’s always three sides to every story. His side, her side… and the truth. 

 

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 will publish on September 14th!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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15 Crazy Facts About Kissing We Bet You Didn’t Know

All the making out facts you were afraid to ask.

Making out. Puckering up. Smooching. Snogging. Lip-locking. Tongue-wrestling. Rounding first base. Sucking-face. Whatever you call it, kissing is one of our favorite parts about falling in love.

We’ve already given you the scoop on what the ladies really think of kissing, dished on the secret health benefits of kisses, and given you invaluable tips on how to kiss and make out. Now, we’re taking it one step further with an impressive list of eyebrow-raising facts about kissing and interesting tidbits about smacking lips.

Consider it your introductory Philematology 101 class (which, you’ll come to find out, is the scholarly study of kissing).

1. Your kissing style originates in the womb.

See a kiss in any Hollywood movie, painting, or sculpture and more often than not, you’ll see couples leaning in to the right. Why is that?

A German researcher observed over 100 couples and noted that two-thirds of them tilted their heads to the right. The scientific community at large theorizes that this instinct originates from the womb when we naturally tilted our heads to the right.

2. Kissing takes serious muscle power.

One kiss requires 146 muscles to coordinate, including 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. A team of British researchers — Elaine Sassoon, Annabelle Dytham, Robert Scully and Professor Gus McGrouther from the Rayne Institute in University College, London — studied kissing couples under an MRI scanner and found that a kiss mostly involves the orbicularis oris (the muscle around your mouth).

“Not only do you use your facial muscles in kissing, but approximately 112 postural muscles as well,” Professor McGrouther said to The Telegraph. Yikes, sounds like a serious facial workout!

3. Our love of kissing comes from rats.

Kazushige Touhara and colleagues at the University of Tokyo believe that our affinity for kisses descends from an ancient rat. Mice and men have a surprisingly similar genetic makeup — sharing a common ancestor that lived sometime between 75 and 125 million years ago.

This ancient rat-like creature went by the name of Eomaia scansoria (Eomaia, Greek for “ancient mother,” and scansoria, Latin for “climber”). The science team theorizes that this creature would rub noses with a mate to sample his or her pheromones and signal desire. So, basically, human kissing is really rodent behavior. Who knew?

4. The history of “X” behind XOXO traces back to the Middle Ages.

We use “XOXO” as an affectionate afterthought to our signature all the time in cards and love letters, but not many people know its origin story.

Historians trace it back to the Middle Ages when most people couldn’t read or write. The peasants used to mark “X” as a stand-in signature and then kissed the document as an added gesture of sincerity.

5. A king once decreed that kissing be outlawed.

On July 16, 1439, King Henry VI banned kissing in England. His reasoning? It was to curtail the spread of disease in the kingdom. Duly note that his mental breakdown around 1453 required his wife, Margaret of Anjou, to assume control of his kingdom. (So that’s the level of crazy we were dealing with at this time.)

This went on to spur a lot of other weird smooching bans all over the world. Later in 16th Century Naples, not only was kissing in public banned, but it was punishable by death as well.

6. French kissers caused commuter headaches.

Oh, the French. Apparently in the early 20th Century, so many French commuters were getting frisky on the train that they had to ban kissing altogether.

So whenever you feel the train slow to a stop and hear the conductor’s drone voice call out over the intercom that the train has stopped “due to a sick passenger aboard the train ahead,” you might have an idea of what’s up.

7. The luck of the Irish comes with a kiss.

Call it the (germ-infested) luck o’ the Irish. Over 400,000 tourists gather to kiss the Blarney Stone near Cork, Ireland, every year — dubbing it the most “unhygienic” tourist attraction in the world. According to local legend, those who bend over backward to kiss the stone are “greatly” rewarded with “the gift of the gab,” essentially meaning flattery.

So if you’re looking to obtain the name of sweet talker, you might want to take a trip to Blarney Castle. But be warned! It’s been said that people have fallen to their deaths attempting the superstitious feat.

8. We almost didn’t have epic movie kisses.

. . . Some of the greatest kisses in Hollywood history almost never happened. Why? Back in 1930, a set of censorship regulations called The Hays Code prohibited acting couples from kissing in a horizontal position (as in, lying down). Also, married couples had to sleep in twin beds on screen and, if kissing action did happen on beds, one actor had to have their foot on the ground.

Oh yeah, and they couldn’t kiss for longer than three seconds. Not exactly the picture of romance, right?

Well, directors had a way around this. While filming the 1946 film , Alfred Hitchcock had Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant repeatedly kiss, briefly disrupted by dialogue and movement. It’s now considered one of the sexiest movie scenes of the time. Luckily, this pain of a ban dropped in the late 1960s.

9. People make careers out of the science of kissing.

Just in case you were so into kissing that you wanted to make a career out of it, the study of kissing is better known as philematology. And someone who studies kissing wears the title of osculologist. (That sounds like a cheesy bro T-shirt.)

10. This couple’s record-breaking kiss is incredible.

According to the Guinness World Records, the record for the longest-lasting kiss goes to Ekkachai and Laksana Tiranarat of Thailand. These champion smoochers locked lips for 58 hours, 35 minutes, and 58 seconds. (No word on if they got bathroom breaks, but we’re thinking that would have been a mood-killer.)

11. Kissing saves lives.

If your man isn’t big on PDA, this might convince him otherwise. A famous study once determined that men who get a peck on the cheek from their wives before heading out to work lived five years longer than their kissless counterparts

12. The Italians are expert kissers. Everyone else? Not so much.

C’mon guys, this is a depressing statistic. According to The Normal Bar, only a little over half of the world’s lovers kiss passionately. Take notes from the Italians. They know their romance.

13. The average person spends two weeks of his or her life kissing.

Experts estimate that the average person will spend 20,160 minutes of his or her lifetime kissing. In other words, that’s your senior spring break in college. So what happens in Cabo becomes a statistic.

14. Looking for The One? Kiss this many guys…

That’s a lot of frogs to find your prince. But that’s the price of true love, right? A British study commissioned by eHarmony to release with The Rose Project tracked the number of dates, breakups, and one night stands it takes for men and women to find lasting love — and kisses weren’t left out of the equation. It determined that it takes 15 kisses for women and 16 for men.

15. Kissing has amazing health benefits.

Making out with your partner is just what the doctor prescribed. Kissing burns calories (specifically, about two to three per minute), strengthens your immune system, relieves aches and pains, and prevents cavities! I mean, who knew how healthy swapping spit could be?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2  is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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The 3-Day Rule Is the Worst Piece of Dating Advice, and We Should All Stop Following It

Picture it: You go on a first date, the conversation is flowing, and you can already tell you have some sort of connection with this person. They’re someone you hope to see again, and you’re pretty positive they feel the same way. However, there’s just one thing — you have to wait three days to talk to them again. Why? Well, because of the well-known and long-standing (but pretty much outdated) three-day dating “rule.”

If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule

The guideline came about to direct people on how to handle communication following a first date. After all, you couldn’t possibly contact someone too soon without running the risk of looking desperate, especially a woman reaching out to a man first (the scandal!). Texting or calling someone the day after a date? Forget it. What about the second day? No, you still look too eager. But day three is just right, according to this rule.

This led to the mentality that you have to keep a person guessing how you feel about them, because if they knew how much you liked them, or that you even liked them at all, that would come off as unattractive. This kind of childish thinking is what can kill a potentially good relationship. These days, with social media, texting, and a culture that’s seemingly always connected, why are people still fueling an I’m-so-cool-I-didn’t-contact-you outdated game?

When I used to be on dating apps, I thought if a conversation died down for a few days, at least one of us wasn’t really feeling it. That was fine, but then if the person reappeared, well, that was just a back-and-forth situation I was not there for. The truth is, with so many options at our fingertips (thanks, Tinder), how do we know if someone is actually following the three-day rule or just forgot about you for a minute while they talked to someone new?

Let’s keep it simple: the three-day dating rule is straight up a waste of time. If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule. There’s no benefit in playing hard to get if you, in fact, want some sort of future with the person. So let’s make a new rule: if you’re into someone, don’t be afraid to be the first person to reach out following a great first date. Life is too short to play unnecessary games. The worst that could happen is they don’t feel the same way, and if that does happen, you can rest easy knowing you didn’t waste more time thinking about someone who wasn’t right for you. It’s a win-win.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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5 Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out of Love With You (& May Ask for a Divorce)

Notice these signs and start re-thinking your relationship.

If you’re worried that your spouse is falling out of love with you, and may want a divorce, you need to know the signs that your marriage is over.

If your happy marriage has slowly evolved into an unhappy marriage, you will know because of the way your spouse acts around you.

We all hope for everlasting love. That’s why we said “I do” in the first place.

But, often, we outlast our relationships, evolving beyond their life expectancy.

Think of your relationship as a garden with you and your husband or wife as the gardeners or caretakers.

The life of the garden depends upon what you put into it. It needs attention, water, sunlight, pruning, weeding, replanting, sowing of seeds, tending, nurturing, and enjoyment.

Left alone, a garden will wither. The elements will ravage it, causing destruction and deterioration.

Your relationship is like that. Untended, it dissolves.

If you’re wondering, “Is my marriage over?”, you need to look at the state of your relationship. Just like the state of your yard, you can see it. The signs are telltale and evident.

If you know what to look for, you can recognize if your spouse is over you so you can do something about it and figure out how to save your marriage.

“Is marriage worth it?” you might be asking.

And, why do people fall out of love?

If you notice the warning signs your marriage is over because your spouse is no longer in love with you, please know that divorce is not your only option.

Just because you let your garden become overgrown and infested with weeds, doesn’t mean you have to move. The same is true of your relationship.

With a lot of care, attention, and hours spent, it can be possible to resuscitate your loveless marriage.

But it will require both you and your spouse putting in the time and effort.

It would be so much easier to be in a relationship if we all knew how to communicate with each other.

Unless you’re a mind reader, it’s impossible to know how your spouse is feeling without them telling you.

Some people leave a relationship when the going gets difficult because they just don’t know how to handle conflict.

And with every serious relationship conflict is inevitable and, even sometimes, healthy. Being able to air our differences and have room for each other’s perspectives are incredible gifts to give each other.

Handling conflict lovingly and skillfully is a behavior that can be taught and learned. But most of us have never had the right relationship advice and lessons, choosing instead to learn in the school of hard knocks.

Since we don’t always communicate effectively, our feelings come out in our actions instead. Actions are often much louder than words.

With that said, here are 5 tell-tale warning signs your spouse is falling out of love with you and may even ask for a divorce.

1. Partner detachment

In a healthy relationship, we talk to each other, ask questions about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and day.

As expert marriage researcher John Gottman says, we make bids for each other’s attention and the health of that relationship depends on how often we respond to those bids.

When you try and share something with your partner, do they turn toward you and express interest? Or do they blow you off?

The detachment can show up in many different ways. Perhaps you used to fight all the time, you were passionate about your communication and exchanges.

Now your partner can’t be bothered to fight. They respond with one-word sentences.

What are some other signs your wife or husband doesn’t love you anymore?

Your partner could be distant emotionally and/or physically. Even if you ask, your partner won’t open up and share how they’re feeling.

And rather than spending time together, your spouse is making plans with other people or spending more and more time out of the house. They are physically and emotionally pulling away.

Your partner might show zero interest in making any plans. They are so distant and detached that they are not willing to plan anything together — no holidays, no date nights, and no home repairs or remodels.

They are not thinking about a future together, they are busy making plans for themselves.

Nobel Laureate, Elie Weisel said that “the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” Rather than checking in with you, your partner is checking out.

2. Everything is a fight

Sometimes the sign is apathy and indifference, and other times, it’s frustration, annoyance, and even anger. Your spouse’s temper is hot and their fuse is short.

They blow up at the slightest provocation. They snap at you for every little thing, and you’re the one they blame. You’re at fault for all of the problems.

You feel like you can never do anything right, and you’re walking on eggshells in your own home.

3. Lack of intimacy

There are many types of intimacy in a relationship. It could be physical like holding hands, massage, hugs, kisses, and sexual connection. It could also be emotional like being vulnerable, sharing feelings, and deep conversations.

Marriages thrive on intimacy and connection. When the intimacy changes you need to pay attention. Are you and your spouse more like roommates than lovers? Or worse yet, total strangers?

So, what to do when your husband doesn’t want you? Or, when your wife won’t get intimate?

Take a moment to consider your intimacy habits.

Intimacy is a very strong indicator of how healthy a relationship is. There isn’t a prescribed number of times you should be having sex per week (despite many articles and statistics on the subject), but if your frequency changes, or the type of sex changes (where did my spouse learn those new moves?!), that may be a sign.

4. Secrets

Another strong sign is when your spouse suddenly becomes secretive about their phone calls, texts, emails, and/or mail.

There could be another person involved — they could be having an affair. Or your spouse could be doing research about getting divorced, and reaching out to professionals, such as family law attorneys, or financial advisors, etc.

When you question your spouse, they act evasive or even tell you lies.

5. Financial changes

Be on the lookout for any changes in the financial arena of your marriage. Has your spouse changed the passwords to your accounts without telling you?

Have there been any major changes in your assets? Has your spouse opened an equity line of credit on your house or a new bank account or are even applying for additional credit cards?

Or maybe your spouse was previously not interested in the family finances and now they are starting to ask questions or requesting copies of statements and tax returns.

The above are some of the major signs to look out for but there are others that may be more subtle.

Maybe your spouse has started focusing on their appearance when they never did before. Or takes a sudden interest in the kids. Or there’s a new insistence to move closer to family.

The interest in appearance could mean they’re hoping to attract someone else. The interest in the kids could be so that they look good in the eyes of the court if there’s a custody battle. The request to move closer to home may be to provide some support during and after the divorce.

These signs are meant to get you noticing and thinking about your relationship.

Are there signs that your spouse is unhappy, and longing to move on? Or is your spouse unhappy and wanting to make changes to make the relationship healthier and stronger?

It will be up to you and your spouse to explore this situation and determine if there’s a way back to each other and a healthier, happier life together.

Or if you need to part ways, you can rebuild a life that is more authentic to each of you.

It’s time to take steps to move forward. So, talk to your spouse.

A healthy relationship is based on strong communication. Share with them what you’re observing and how it’s making you feel.

If you need help communicating, reach out to a professional such as a therapist or a divorce coach, either on your own or together.

Try to find a way back to each other. Maybe by learning each other’s love language. For example, if your spouse’s love language is Quality Time, try spending more time together doing activities you both enjoy.

Focus on your own wellbeing. Sometimes healing yourself will go a long way toward healing your relationship.

Seek counseling. Getting outside help might be a helpful way to work through and process your issues as a couple. Either alone or together.

Build your support network: friends, family, a support group, therapist or divorce coach, religious community. You need people around you who are positive and supportive.

Learn about divorce. If you think you may be headed toward divorce you will want to learn something about the process, and the professionals who can support you. Meet with a family law attorney or mediator. Many divorce professionals offer free phone consultations.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly