20+ Relationship Mistakes No One Over 40 Should Make

We all make mistakes. Especially when we’re in a romantic relationship.

This is an inevitable part of the great adventure called life.

Of course, you would make mistakes. Building and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship requires a lot of hard work. It is an intensive, perpetual project that hides many obstacles and downfalls on the way. However, there are some mistakes that you simply shouldn’t do when you reach a certain age.

In order to sustain a steady bond when you’re over 40, you should definitely avoid making the following mistakes!
1. Playing mind games.

This is one of the most childish things you could do to your partner. Leave the games for the youngsters. Right now, you need certainty and mutual respect. You can’t have that by messing around and playing ludicrous mind games.

2. Thinking your relationship will magically fix everything.

In reality, happily-ever-afters happen to very few people. That’s why it would be completely illogical of you to expect your romantic life will miraculously solve all of your problems. Love is powerful and can make you utterly happy, but it isn’t a magical cure for your troubles.

3. Trying to change one another.

Working on self-growth is amazing, especially if you’re doing it alongside your romantic partner. However, it doesn’t mean you have the right to fundamentally change your, and your significant other’s core values. After all, if you feel the need to completely transform your partner, what’s the point of being with them in the first place?

4. Doubting your partner.

By now, you should know that any strong relationship is based on trust. If you don’t have a leap of faith in your partner, your relationship will be doomed from the very beginning. As long as you keep doubting them, nothing is going to work.

5. Not putting effort into your self-improvement.

Once you find your match, after all this time of hopeless searching, you just relax and stop working on yourself. That’s a huge mistake. You’re thinking that your journey has come to an end when it’s actually at its very beginning. If you want your relationship to prosper, you should always be working on yourself, as you owe it to your partner to be the best you can be.

6. Still thinking about your past relationships.

You’ve been hurt before. Your heart was torn into pieces. But that was in the past. Now you have a whole new romantic relationship with a loving partner. Life is too short to be stuck in the past and miss out on the wonders that are happening now. It is difficult to let go of the past, but you must if you want your current relationship to be successful.

7. Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs.

What we give is not always what we receive. The same goes for love and emotions. You see the world through your own eyes, but your partner is a whole different human being, with their own perspective and emotional levels. Instead of loving them the way you want to be loved, become aware of their needs and feelings. It might not always be the same thing you want and need from them.

8. Falling into a routine.

This is a mistake not only people over 40 should avoid. Routines are what chases away anything interesting and exciting from our lives. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to stop going out and having fun.

9. Taking each other for granted.

Yes, you both are grown-ups, and you have your own responsibilities in your lives. But you also have to make time for taking care of one another and even spoiling each other. You’re over 40, so what? You can still make small but meaningful gestures to show your love and appreciation for your partner.

10. Shutting your partner out.

Your heart has been broken before. It would be completely normal if you have built up some walls around it. However, you shouldn’t let your partner in the dark if you want this relationship to work. To build a genuine and trustworthy bond, you first have to be open to your loved one and give them all of you, as they give you all of themselves.

11. Not willing to find a middle ground.

Every relationship requires compromising. You are two different individuals with your own points of view and your own way of thinking. Without finding a middle ground, things are most likely not going to work out between you. It takes practice, but if you learn how and when to compromise, a great number of your problems will quickly fade away.

12. Avoiding the ‘money’ talk.

Anyone who’s been a part of a long-term relationship will tell you that money has been an issue at some point. Not every time your financial comfort level is the same as your partner’s. That’s why you need to talk about your spending habits, your income, your financial goals, and the way you look at money in general.

13. Holding grudges.

Whenever you are mad at your partner, even if it’s a small insignificant thing, please talk to them about it. Holding grudges never leads to anything good. If you remain silent now, you will surely explode the minute all those issues become too much to handle.

14. Losing touch with your friends.

At this age, you have to at least have an idea of balance in your life. No one says it’s an easy task, but it’s not impossible either. You shouldn’t let your partner stop you from spending time with your friends, and absolutely kill your social life. In case they do, and that concerns you, better talk to them about it. You have a right to have a life outside your relationship too.

15. Forgetting that little things matter.

No one says you have to make grand gestures to keep your relationship alive. Small romantic gestures are enough to keep the spark shining. Don’t underestimate the power of little things. Simple things like making your partner a cup of coffee in the morning can do wonders!

16. Becoming codependent.

Never forget that your relationship is only one aspect of your life. It’s not something you should invest all of your energy in. Losing yourself into a relationship will make you constantly feel unfulfilled. And this is definitely not the way you should feel when you’re in love. What you need to do is find a balance between your partner and everything else in your life.

17. Being jealous.

Jealousy is a natural reaction. What matters is the way you express it. Any rushed accusations or judgments will have a destructive effect on your relationship. Instead of lashing out at your partner whenever you feel insecure, try talking to them about what’s bothering you.

18. Not spending enough quality time together.

Oftentimes, after couples stop going on romantic dates, they forget to spend enough time with one another. No, living together and just being in the same room does not count as quality time. No matter how old you are, you should always make time for going on dates and doing things you both enjoy.

19. Pretending like nothing happened after an argument.

Disagreements need to be resolved. Otherwise, we’re back to the point of holding grudges. The best thing you can do after things get really heated is to take a step back, rethink the whole situation, and discuss it again once you’re both calm and ready to find a middle ground.

20. Lack of communication.

Indeed, it’s nothing new that good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Yet, so many couples are still struggling with that. If you learn how to listen to your partner and properly express yourself, most of your problems will disappear.

21. Rushing into a relationship.

In other words, getting too serious too fast. The fact that you’re over 40 doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make time for every stage of a romantic relationship. No one is chasing you, so don’t try to race against the clock. It won’t get you very far in the end.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Women Who Do These 9 Things Don’t Get Played by Men

Ever.

If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.

But I know what you’ve been through.

You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.

You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.

You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired, and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.

After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.

How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?

The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!

If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.

1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.

If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.

Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.

Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?

Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.

3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.

Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?

If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.

4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says.

His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.

Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?

A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.

Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!

If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.

6. Be sure he’s into you.

If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.

You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.

Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

7. Advocate for yourself.

If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.

Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).

Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.

If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.

If you feel stressed, anxious, or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.

When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed, and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!

With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.

And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm, and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tired Of Being Alone? 10 Ways To Enjoy Being Single

Being single has a lot more benefits than we give it credit for.

Depending on whether or not you’ve been in a relationship, being single can be a positive or negative situation. If you’ve been in relationships, then it’s easy to feel more lonely — especially after you’re used to someone being by your side. If you’ve been single for a while, then you’re more comfortable living life for yourself.

Little do we realize what a blessing it can be to be single. We are not promised to find that one person in our lives. Instead, we have to learn to love our family, friends — and most importantly, ourselves. Instead of seeing singleness as a bad thing, it’s important to use this time being alone to see the good parts of not having a partner.

Holding on to perspective can save us from feeling destructive in our season of singleness. These days on shows, finding your true love is the main mission, when in fact loving yourself can be just enough.

Single people are portrayed as someone who is sad or even pitied — but being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Look to the list below to help remind you that there is a beautiful strength that comes with being single. Along with independence, there are plenty of benefits to being single than people give it credit for. Here are ten ways to enjoy being single that beat being in a relationship any day.

1. You get a chance to focus on yourself.

Being in a relationship can take up a lot of time in our lives. You begin sharing your partner’s problems, without having time to meditate on your own.

“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally expensive,” Susan Winter. The amount of stress in a relationship comes as a price for love. Being single activates a self-awareness of taking time to treat ourselves.

2. You become self-sufficient.

Having to live independently forces you to find your inner strength and not have to depend on someone else to be fulfilled. You have more opportunities to chase your own dreams while facing them without a partner.

Taking risks by yourself allows you to take control of your own journey. Instead of having to constantly fit someone else’s schedule, the only one that matters is your own.

3. You prove that you can be financially stable on your own.

If your partner has financial debt, then it becomes a financial burden on you, too. Being single helps you prioritize financial budgeting, without constantly spending it on someone else. This can also help prepare you for any relationship, to notice red flags in a relationship, and to help you stay financially independent once you’re with someone else.

Take time to look up financial gurus like David Ramsey, and enjoy having control over your finances. This gives you more free time to go out with family and friends, without worrying about over-spending.

4. Self-care is a top priority.

Activities like exercising, meditating, journaling, socializing with friends and more help promote nourishment to our brain. Happy chemicals like dopamine other endorphins encourage positive energy, not only for life but for others.

The single-season refrains us from pushing time for ourselves for someone else. Instead, we’re inspired to go on an adventure of self-reflection. Our identity is essential on our journey through life. Sometimes steering away from relationships forces us, to remember our strengths and weaknesses.

5. You have time to focus on your spirituality.

After experiencing a breakup myself, I notice that getting back to being close to God has become a reality for me. My relationship had to come to an end, but having a relationship with God became the goal.

There’s a personal intimacy with God when you’re single again — where I realize my heart is healing from the separation. This was a time to work on me so that God can morph me into the strong individual woman He needs me to be.

6. You have better connections with your friends.

Yes, your girl or boyfriend might have steered you further away from friends. Take this opportunity to reconnect with them and make more memories. True friends will always be there until the end.

A good friend will always remind your strengths and encourage you to keep moving forward. They will want nothing more than to see you grow, not just in the world, but in yourself.

7. The only person you have to compare to is yourself.

Being single, you start to learn that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. We all have a chance to grow in life and learn more about ourselves each day. If your partner didn’t want to try something that you were curious about, now is that time to chase after your curiosity!

Being single offers independence to build yourself, so if you meet someone new, then you’ll love yourself enough to prepare for anything. You don’t need someone to feel complete. You need to feel complete with your own life before you jump into another relationship.

8. You have the opportunity to travel whenever and wherever you want.

Waiting for your partner to be available for a trip can leave you feeling disconnected from the world. Grab a couple of close friends or family and hit the road.

Look far into the horizon, knowing you’ll be okay with whatever is on the other side of the horizon.

Traveling helps each and every one of us feel more in tune with the world. New culture, friendships, attractions, and more remind us of how beautiful and wonderful life can be.

9. You get time to figure out what you want in a partner.

Studies show that as much as fifty percent of marriages fail or end in divorce. Can you imagine how easy it would be to date a bad match? Getting to know who you are will help prepare for marriage because you’ll know what you’re looking for.

You’ll be accustomed to who you are and your system, and you’ll focus on who’s the best at compatibility. Even though in marriages you’ll have your difference, but during the seasons of singleness, you’ll have a firm ground to stand on. You’ll know who’s worth working things out and who’s better off with someone else.

10. You get to find comfort in being alone.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Some perceptions of singles have a negative connotation to them. You can be just as lonely or secluded even if you’re married. It’s all about our perception of life, and how we feel internally.

Who’s says the ultimate goal is to be with someone in the end? Instead, it could be about the quality of relationships we build, and how well we’ve nurtured our body and mind.

I mean… look at me. I’ve fallen in love a bunch of times and it’s been great. But I love being single and not having to answer to anyone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Aerosmith – Part 1

Philadelphia, PA – 1976-1977

I’ve wanted to write this for a while. Aerosmith is to American hard rock as Star Wars is to SciFi. I’ve loved Aerosmith since I was 13 years old. I’ve not only purchased nearly every album they’ve ever released, but I’ve also bought the same records in different formats. Vinyl, cassette, and CD. So I’ve made all of the payments necessary to this band as a fan.

I’m not going to review them as a band, or as a professional music reviewer. These are my personal opinions based on how old I was, how the music made me feel, what was going on in my life at the time, and what I felt were quality songs. If you want real history on this band, go buy a book or read online about them. I’m not going to get into personalities or anything about the inner workings of this group because that’s not what this is about.

Let’s face it, it’s not the guys, it’s what they did for you and how their music made you feel. I feel I’m warranted to say all of the following things because I’ve made all of the donations I’m ever going to make to this band’s bank accounts by buying their records and seeing them live. I love them, and will always love them for the decades of joy they’ve brought to my heart.

Sometimes I will be harsh with my words, but it comes from a place of pure love. So let’s get started.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerosmith

Aerosmith – Debut album – 1973

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerosmith_(album)

My older sister hung out with a neighborhood band back in 1975/1976. They were called The Grim Reaper. I think because they played that song by Blue Oyster Cult. They also played the song, Dream On’ by Aerosmith and she must have liked that song because she brought this record home. I had heard that song played on the radio for several years but didn’t think much of it or even knew who did it. I was too buried in my love for the band Steppenwolf.

Tales of Rock – Steppenwolf – First Love

Let’s start with the cover of this album. I’ll run through this from left to right. This is a pretty furry band. What’s with Joey Kramer’s mutton chops? Then we have Joe Perry looking like Injun Joe from Twain’s book, Tom Sawyer. Tom Hamilton looks like he cut his hair with kid’s scissors and a razor blade. Steven Tyler looks kinda cool. Brad Whitford looks like a girl no one ever wants to date, let alone be seen with.

Wildwood, New Jersey – 1977

On a side note, the name Injun Joe came from this kid named Tony Riccardi. He was this guy that met my older sister and fell in love with her in the summer of 1977. He would be sniffing around our house trying to get her to go to the beach or take her out on a date and she just wasn’t into him. He was a moderately good-looking Italian guy about a year or so older than me. He was fit and I didn’t get why she wasn’t into him. Except for the fact that he seemed to only own one bathing suit. It was this dark blue and yellow striped speedo-looking thing he wore every day. Sis wasn’t into him, but I got to know him and he seemed nice. We started hanging out a little bit. But I’m thinking now he may have been just spending time with me to get to my sister. Distract the brother, bag the sister.

I noticed he was missing the pinky on his one hand. I asked him about it and he told me that he lost it in a bane saw accident in woodshop at school. My friends and I had all taken woodshop in school and heard all of the horror stories, myths, and legends about mishaps in wood and metal shop at our collective schools, but we never met anybody that some stuff had actually happened to. Tony Riccardi was that man. All that was left of the digit was a little knuckle.

I remember we were sitting in Sam’s Pizza and he asked our waitress for a pen. She gave it to him and went back to waiting tables. “What are you going to do with that?”

“Watch this.”

When the waitress returned to retrieve her pen, Tony asked her if she wanted to meet Herbie.

“Umm… okay.”

Tony held out his fist to her. On the little pinky knuckle stub, he had drawn a smiley face with her pen. He could actually wiggle it and make it say hi.

The waitress turned away in revulsion.

“Ton… I think I’m starting to get why my sister doesn’t want to date you.”

Anyway, Tony Riccardi was the person who upon viewing my records, saw the Aerosmith cover and called Joe Perry, Injun Joe. I never forgot that because he looks dead-on like an angry or sad native American from popular literature.

When you’re 14 years old every guy who is older than you looks like a grown man. All of the guys in Aerosmith were only in their early 20’s but to me, they might have well been in their 30’s.

The album had modest sales and I suppose they had to put, Featuring: “Dream On” on the jacket so people would say, Oh yea, that song’s pretty good.

I was in our basement listening to records on my dad’s stereo and shooting pool on our billiard table. One of the records I put on that day was this one. I’m going to go through this song by song. (Don’t worry, I’ll be brief.)

Make It: Great song. A kick-ass opening and it felt like it was about becoming a rockstar, so I was down.

Somebody: Another great song. Loved it more than Make It.

Dream on: Already tired of it by then.

One Way Street: Great jam song where I got to hear the different guitar playing styles by Joe and Brad. Also some fine harmonica work by Steven.

Mama Kin: Another solid rocker. Yes, I like this song too!

Write Me: I wrote letters to girls back then so I could relate because getting letters from girls in the mail was a big deal back then. Great song.

Movin’ Out: Not bad. It has its moments. (I always liked the little laugh in the beginning)

Walkin’ the Dog: They didn’t write it, but it’s a sweet little closer for the record. My mom loved this song.

This record got me really interested in this band. It was like Steppenwolf, but harder and faster. I really liked the songs and how they made me feel. I was beginning to have some real love for this band.

I eventually learned how to play nearly every song on this album on guitar. But that wouldn’t happen for another 2 years.

Let’s move on.

Philadelphia, PA – 1976.

I was in the garage with my friend Michael and we were listening to various records on my little green and white record player. We were listening to Bill Cosby, George Carlin, and some other rock music records. Out of all my friends back then, Michael was probably my best friend. He was a year younger than me, but we just sort of worked as friends. He lived a few doors down and wasn’t like the other kids in the neighborhood. We had some great times together and were super close. I felt bad for him because unlike me with my zit face Mike had full-blown acne. That’s different. That scars your face for life. Also, his parents never got his teeth fixed and he always had an overbite. I never understood that. but we were good buddies and at some point, I want to write about our adventures together.

I had the first Aerosmith album and we were listening to that and smoking cigarettes. I asked him if his brother Jimmy had any more Aerosmith albums. He said he had this one and their second record. I asked him what it was called.

Mike: “Get Your Wings.”

Me: “I don’t want to listen to Paul McCartney and Wings right now, besides it’s my sister’s and she probably doesn’t want me bringing it out to the garage.”

Mike: “What?”

Me: “What’s Aerosmith’s second record called?”

Mike: “I said, Get Your Wings.”

Me: “But I don’t want… wait, is that the name of the record? Get Your Wings?”

Mike: “I’ve been trying to tell you…”

Me: “That’s a crap name for a record, but yea… go get it. I want to hear it!”

Get Your Wings – 1974

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Your_Wings

So here we are.

Okay, again with the cover. Joe looks cool. Joey Kramer actually looks the most handsome and rugged in the band. Steven looks hungover and on drugs, and why is he showing off his bulge? Brad looks sad or stoned. (Understandable) Tom Hamilton has let his razor cut grow out and looks presentable. (and a bit, impish!) It looks like the title for the record was an afterthought because it’s just this little lame phrase slapped on the cover like a little sticker. Look at it! Crap.

Michael returned with the record. Let’s run down the playlist. But before I do, let me say this. You have your whole life to write your first album. If you get signed to a label by some miracle, you have to come up with 8 to 10 more songs by the next year. Super pressure, and frankly I don’t know how bands did it back then, but maybe that’s why I never ended up in that vocation.

Aerosmith was a relatively new inexperienced act that had some magic between them. I later heard that they brought in some hired guns to play on the album to punch up the tracks but that’s not what this story is about.

Same Old Song and Dance: Cool opening track. Joe always had a knack for coming up with cool riffs and he definitely hits it on this one. A solid opening rocker. I liked it.

Lord of the Thighs: A little long and slow for me back then. But Brad Whitford plays some killer guitar on that tune. I later grew to like this song because of its theme and my adoration of women’s legs.

Spaced: Ahh… it is the title. A little spacey and kind of a dated-sounding song at this point. I wasn’t feeling it. But it has a cool psychedelic late 60’s vibe.

Woman of the World: Too long and lame. It’s a throwaway song that finishes side one, and I just never felt it no matter what it did.

S.O.S Too Bad: They used to play this a lot in concert and I never understood why. Maybe it was to get it out of the way to get to the good songs. Never liked it.

Train Kept a Rollin’: This is a retread of an old Yardbirds tune. They must have performed it live as a young band and people liked it. But I will say this, It’s a great rendition of the song, and Aerosmith went on to make it their own. Their live version is an incredible song and I love it. We played this song in my first band, Renegade so there’s that.

Seasons of Wither: This is the most beautiful song on the album. I love this song. (Renegade played this too) It’s a lovely song and the arrangement is gorgeous. I loved that although I loved Aero for the way they made me feel with the energy, this song was gentle and really touched me. Steven really touched the melancholy sound of the song. Oh god, and the strings on the cello on the second chorus. Bliss!

Pandora’s Box: This is a piece of trash song written by Joey Kramer that is about cunnilingus. It’s cheap and obvious and it’s clear they were out of songs for this record to produce this turd.

To sum up, Same Old Song and Dance. Cool song with a good Perry riff, and good lyrics. Train Kept a Rollin’, very exciting song. Seasons of Wither. Gorgeous.  That’s it for this record. I’m just going to talk about what was happening at the time, and how the songs made me feel.

At this point, I love the first record, but I’m not thrilled with the sophomore effort of this band.

But there is definitely something happening here with this new band.

Tune in next Thursday for the next chapter of the 9 part series!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

7 Things Your Partner Should Never Ask You to Do

A great partner holds certain qualities like being supportive, loving, trustworthy, and above all, they let you be you. Your relationship should be built on equality, and no one should have more authority than the other. When that does happen, a partnership is no longer considered a partnership but more of a one-sided dynamic, which is never a healthy sign. If your partner or spouse truly cares about you and has your best interests at heart, they should never ask you to do these seven things.
1. Change who you are.

Whether it’s as small as your style or as big as your faith, it is not acceptable for your partner to want to alter anything that defines you. How is that supposed to make you feel knowing that he or she wishes you were different? You’re not allowed to be selective about which qualities you like about your spouse, and asking for anything different says that you don’t accept them for who they are. Unless these changes are actual improvements, be cautious about what you ask of them.

2. Spend less time with your friends and family.

Happy relationships are typically made up of well-rounded individuals who have their own lives. You should be able to have a healthy balance between your significant other and those outside of your relationship. If he or she asks you to spend more time with them and less with others, it can be a sign of control, jealousy, and insecurity.

3. Change your career path.

You should never be asked to be less ambitious, consider other career options, or quit your job, especially if it’s something you love. If your job is affecting the family negatively, it’s understandable to want to discuss changes to your career, but it shouldn’t be an ultimatum. It could also speak to your spouse’s own insecurities if their reason is that they feel threatened by your higher income or status.

4. Give up something for them.

Relationships might require some compromise but never total sacrifice. Anything your partner asks of you that takes away from your happiness, identity, or health is non-negotiable. Before you give something up for him or her, whether it’s a hobby or time, make sure they’re reciprocating the request and that it’s not just a one-sided thing.

5. Do something you’re uncomfortable with.

Being with your partner doesn’t mean they have more of an excuse to put you in situations you don’t approve of. They shouldn’t ask you to cover for them, do things in the bedroom that you’ve already established you don’t like, or do anything that would jeopardize your reputation or relationships. They should also know better than to put you in scenarios where there’s little room for choice.

6. Show them your phone.

Unless you’ve given them reasonable grounds to question your trust, your spouse shouldn’t ask to see your personal texts or emails. Privacy is so important, especially in relationships when the other person is practically a part of you. You should never feel controlled or monitored by your SO, and if you do, think about whether your partnership is truly healthy.

7. Pick sides.

Yes, your partner is essentially your teammate, but that shouldn’t imply an us-against-them attitude. It’s not OK for them to pit you against your friends and family, or to put you in any situation that requires you to choose them over anyone else. There’s a difference between having your partner’s back and being forced to show your loyalty.

 

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You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1