20+ Relationship Mistakes No One Over 40 Should Make

We all make mistakes. Especially when we’re in a romantic relationship.

This is an inevitable part of the great adventure called life.

Of course, you would make mistakes. Building and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship requires a lot of hard work. It is an intensive, perpetual project that hides many obstacles and downfalls on the way. However, there are some mistakes that you simply shouldn’t do when you reach a certain age.

In order to sustain a steady bond when you’re over 40, you should definitely avoid making the following mistakes!
1. Playing mind games.

This is one of the most childish things you could do to your partner. Leave the games for the youngsters. Right now, you need certainty and mutual respect. You can’t have that by messing around and playing ludicrous mind games.

2. Thinking your relationship will magically fix everything.

In reality, happily-ever-afters happen to very few people. That’s why it would be completely illogical of you to expect your romantic life will miraculously solve all of your problems. Love is powerful and can make you utterly happy, but it isn’t a magical cure for your troubles.

3. Trying to change one another.

Working on self-growth is amazing, especially if you’re doing it alongside your romantic partner. However, it doesn’t mean you have the right to fundamentally change your, and your significant other’s core values. After all, if you feel the need to completely transform your partner, what’s the point of being with them in the first place?

4. Doubting your partner.

By now, you should know that any strong relationship is based on trust. If you don’t have a leap of faith in your partner, your relationship will be doomed from the very beginning. As long as you keep doubting them, nothing is going to work.

5. Not putting effort into your self-improvement.

Once you find your match, after all this time of hopeless searching, you just relax and stop working on yourself. That’s a huge mistake. You’re thinking that your journey has come to an end when it’s actually at its very beginning. If you want your relationship to prosper, you should always be working on yourself, as you owe it to your partner to be the best you can be.

6. Still thinking about your past relationships.

You’ve been hurt before. Your heart was torn into pieces. But that was in the past. Now you have a whole new romantic relationship with a loving partner. Life is too short to be stuck in the past and miss out on the wonders that are happening now. It is difficult to let go of the past, but you must if you want your current relationship to be successful.

7. Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs.

What we give is not always what we receive. The same goes for love and emotions. You see the world through your own eyes, but your partner is a whole different human being, with their own perspective and emotional levels. Instead of loving them the way you want to be loved, become aware of their needs and feelings. It might not always be the same thing you want and need from them.

8. Falling into a routine.

This is a mistake not only people over 40 should avoid. Routines are what chases away anything interesting and exciting from our lives. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to stop going out and having fun.

9. Taking each other for granted.

Yes, you both are grown-ups, and you have your own responsibilities in your lives. But you also have to make time for taking care of one another and even spoiling each other. You’re over 40, so what? You can still make small but meaningful gestures to show your love and appreciation for your partner.

10. Shutting your partner out.

Your heart has been broken before. It would be completely normal if you have built up some walls around it. However, you shouldn’t let your partner in the dark if you want this relationship to work. To build a genuine and trustworthy bond, you first have to be open to your loved one and give them all of you, as they give you all of themselves.

11. Not willing to find a middle ground.

Every relationship requires compromising. You are two different individuals with your own points of view and your own way of thinking. Without finding a middle ground, things are most likely not going to work out between you. It takes practice, but if you learn how and when to compromise, a great number of your problems will quickly fade away.

12. Avoiding the ‘money’ talk.

Anyone who’s been a part of a long-term relationship will tell you that money has been an issue at some point. Not every time your financial comfort level is the same as your partner’s. That’s why you need to talk about your spending habits, your income, your financial goals, and the way you look at money in general.

13. Holding grudges.

Whenever you are mad at your partner, even if it’s a small insignificant thing, please talk to them about it. Holding grudges never leads to anything good. If you remain silent now, you will surely explode the minute all those issues become too much to handle.

14. Losing touch with your friends.

At this age, you have to at least have an idea of balance in your life. No one says it’s an easy task, but it’s not impossible either. You shouldn’t let your partner stop you from spending time with your friends, and absolutely kill your social life. In case they do, and that concerns you, better talk to them about it. You have a right to have a life outside your relationship too.

15. Forgetting that little things matter.

No one says you have to make grand gestures to keep your relationship alive. Small romantic gestures are enough to keep the spark shining. Don’t underestimate the power of little things. Simple things like making your partner a cup of coffee in the morning can do wonders!

16. Becoming codependent.

Never forget that your relationship is only one aspect of your life. It’s not something you should invest all of your energy in. Losing yourself into a relationship will make you constantly feel unfulfilled. And this is definitely not the way you should feel when you’re in love. What you need to do is find a balance between your partner and everything else in your life.

17. Being jealous.

Jealousy is a natural reaction. What matters is the way you express it. Any rushed accusations or judgments will have a destructive effect on your relationship. Instead of lashing out at your partner whenever you feel insecure, try talking to them about what’s bothering you.

18. Not spending enough quality time together.

Oftentimes, after couples stop going on romantic dates, they forget to spend enough time with one another. No, living together and just being in the same room does not count as quality time. No matter how old you are, you should always make time for going on dates and doing things you both enjoy.

19. Pretending like nothing happened after an argument.

Disagreements need to be resolved. Otherwise, we’re back to the point of holding grudges. The best thing you can do after things get really heated is to take a step back, rethink the whole situation, and discuss it again once you’re both calm and ready to find a middle ground.

20. Lack of communication.

Indeed, it’s nothing new that good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Yet, so many couples are still struggling with that. If you learn how to listen to your partner and properly express yourself, most of your problems will disappear.

21. Rushing into a relationship.

In other words, getting too serious too fast. The fact that you’re over 40 doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make time for every stage of a romantic relationship. No one is chasing you, so don’t try to race against the clock. It won’t get you very far in the end.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

7 Things Your Partner Should Never Ask You to Do

A great partner holds certain qualities like being supportive, loving, trustworthy, and above all, they let you be you. Your relationship should be built on equality, and no one should have more authority than the other. When that does happen, a partnership is no longer considered a partnership but more of a one-sided dynamic, which is never a healthy sign. If your partner or spouse truly cares about you and has your best interests at heart, they should never ask you to do these seven things.
1. Change who you are.

Whether it’s as small as your style or as big as your faith, it is not acceptable for your partner to want to alter anything that defines you. How is that supposed to make you feel knowing that he or she wishes you were different? You’re not allowed to be selective about which qualities you like about your spouse, and asking for anything different says that you don’t accept them for who they are. Unless these changes are actual improvements, be cautious about what you ask of them.

2. Spend less time with your friends and family.

Happy relationships are typically made up of well-rounded individuals who have their own lives. You should be able to have a healthy balance between your significant other and those outside of your relationship. If he or she asks you to spend more time with them and less with others, it can be a sign of control, jealousy, and insecurity.

3. Change your career path.

You should never be asked to be less ambitious, consider other career options, or quit your job, especially if it’s something you love. If your job is affecting the family negatively, it’s understandable to want to discuss changes to your career, but it shouldn’t be an ultimatum. It could also speak to your spouse’s own insecurities if their reason is that they feel threatened by your higher income or status.

4. Give up something for them.

Relationships might require some compromise but never total sacrifice. Anything your partner asks of you that takes away from your happiness, identity, or health is non-negotiable. Before you give something up for him or her, whether it’s a hobby or time, make sure they’re reciprocating the request and that it’s not just a one-sided thing.

5. Do something you’re uncomfortable with.

Being with your partner doesn’t mean they have more of an excuse to put you in situations you don’t approve of. They shouldn’t ask you to cover for them, do things in the bedroom that you’ve already established you don’t like, or do anything that would jeopardize your reputation or relationships. They should also know better than to put you in scenarios where there’s little room for choice.

6. Show them your phone.

Unless you’ve given them reasonable grounds to question your trust, your spouse shouldn’t ask to see your personal texts or emails. Privacy is so important, especially in relationships when the other person is practically a part of you. You should never feel controlled or monitored by your SO, and if you do, think about whether your partnership is truly healthy.

7. Pick sides.

Yes, your partner is essentially your teammate, but that shouldn’t imply an us-against-them attitude. It’s not OK for them to pit you against your friends and family, or to put you in any situation that requires you to choose them over anyone else. There’s a difference between having your partner’s back and being forced to show your loyalty.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Men Share Why They Would Never Date a Single Mom

Moms need love too

Despite some fathers’ wishes, dating is a part of coming of age. Moving from a blissful romance between a girl and her imagination into the harsh reality of the actual dating world is… tough. It would be great to be able to say that it gets better as you get older, but the truth is: As girls grow into women, dating only gets harder. The more you’ve dated, the more baggage you bring with you into the next relationship.

While some come out of relationships with passport stamps, pets, or a few bad memories, others come out of relationships with children. Trying to get into a new relationship as a single parent is more complex than not. Your dates are dating you and your kid, not just you.

For a variety of reasons, these guys refuse to date single women. Here’s why…

Loving Then Leaving

I don’t date single moms because the ones I’ve dated have all left me to go try and work things out with their baby daddy. (Anonymous)

Out All Night

I won’t date a single mom. I need a girlfriend who can hang out whenever and not worry about finding a babysitter (Anonymous)

Well, that’s strange

I’m a single dad, but I won’t date a single mom because of the awkwardness of being around their kid (Anonymous)

Respect

I will never date a single mom so long as I can help it. I refuse to look after someone else’s kid that won’t respect me. (Anonymous)

Heartbroken

I’ll never date a single mom again! 2 years seeing her little guy almost every day, loving him like my own, and now I lost my place in his life, I’m heartbroken (Anonymous)

A teenager, you say?

I could never date a single mom unless her kid is a teenager (Anonymous)

Emotional Baggage

I refuse to date single moms because the ones I’ve dated just all have way too much emotional baggage. I can barely take my own, let alone someone else’s. (Anonymous)

No Dads Here

I feel bad because I won’t date single moms. It’s not that I don’t like kids or think they’re a stigma, I’m just not ready to be in a dad-type role and don’t want to waste anyone’s time. (Anonymous)

Yours comes first

I’m a single dad. But I don’t date single moms. I know it’s hypocritical. But I get tired of them imposing their parenting views on me and my little girl. (Anonymous)

The Risk Factor

Why I won’t date single moms: who wants to love a child like their own only to have them taken away from you forever if you break up? I don’t trust anyone enough to risk that. (Anonymous)

No kudos for you

I don’t date single moms. Kudos to the guys who are man enough to take over where another man left off, but I’m not down with all that. I’m not raising someone else’s kid. (Anonymous)

A Man With Standards

I honestly don’t mind dating single moms. I slightly prefer it. I just refuse to date them if they don’t put their kids first. (Anonymous)

How do you feel about dating a single mom? Let us know in the comments and SHARE this article!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

5 Signs Your Innocent Friendship Has Turned Into a Full-Blown Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships.

What is an emotional affair? How did your innocent flirting with someone you claim to be just good friends with turn into emotional cheating and infidelity?

I cannot count how many couples have come into my life with their relationships in shambles — with one spouse saying that their partner had an affair, with the other denying an affair occurred often proclaiming that they are “just really good friends” and that they “never had sex”.

So…was it an emotional affair?

In a monogamous relationship, people share both emotional and sexual information that is exclusive to their partners. They expose their weaknesses, mistakes, and innermost feelings.

We build trust with the other person because we make ourselves vulnerable. These conversations are valued and treasured by us because we know this information is reserved for us and only we have access to these aspects of our partner.

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships. We confide in our friends perhaps because we feel our partner lacks understanding or they are unavailable.

This is particularly common with couples where one or both partners is a busy executive. When we lack access to our mate and need an outlet to talk to, we turn to our friends. And there are the always available social media, where platonic relationships can easily take root as deep and emotional friendships.

One important point here is that a majority of the emotional affairs begin as harmless friendships without any intention or plan to develop the relationship beyond that of a platonic friendship.

Unfortunately, we all have limited time, energy, and emotional resources available — and when these finite commodities are expended on the “friendship” rather than your partner relationship, there is a disconnection where the partner has cheated, emotionally.

An emotional affair is one where a person falls in love with another person but the relationship is not sealed with a sexual act. Over time, if the emotional affair continues (perhaps you flirt without realizing), it often leads to a sexual affair.

Emotional affairs can be devastating and destructive to your current relationship and family. In fact, emotional affairs can cause as much (or more) damage as physical affairs, but be more devious since they are less obvious.

Why? Because it leads to secrecy, deception, and is established primarily to gain an emotional high or to run away from negative experiences within the actual marriage itself.

One of my clients recounts, “I was so much more shattered by my husband finding solace and love with her. I could have more easily forgiven a one night stand because she wouldn’t have meant anything to him but as an object for sex.”

When someone falls in love and seeks such intimacy with that other person, when the time spent with the partner is superficial because their heart longs to be with someone else, the underlying trust is shaken.

Casual flirting or a crush don’t even begin to cover the irreparable damage such kind of “affairs” cause.

So, are you having an emotional affair or are you just friends? Are you on the path to an affair, even though nothing has physically escalated…yet?

Here are 5 signs you’re having an emotional affair (and you need to stop).

1. You have conversations you’re not too comfortable with your spouse knowing about

Do you find yourself hiding your phone (or getting a separate one), making sure your email and phone passwords are secret? Maybe you’re thinking “I’m glad my partner isn’t (reading, watching, finding) this (call, text, picture).”

These are signals the “friendship” boundaries have already been crossed.

2. You find yourself daydreaming or making plans with this person

Examine your mindshare. Does this person occupy your thoughts unceasingly? Are they on your mind when you go to sleep, when you awake in the morning, and during most of the day? Whenever you are alone, do you think about them and seek opportunities to speak with them?

In a way, you begin to idealize this person. You may become more discontent with your partner and share concerns and problems with your friend while becoming more distant with your spouse. At times, you may even have disappointment that your spouse doesn’t do things like your friend does.

You, then, begin to find faults in your spouse for habits, beliefs, or approaches to situations that were never an issue and have always been present in the relationship.

Your tolerance for your mate is then less and they begin to irritate you leading to the belief that this person understands much better you’re your spouse ever did or could.

If you find yourself feeling more connected to your friend rather than your own spouse, then clearly some changes need to be made.

3. You’ve lost interest in being intimate with your spouse

It is a fallacy you think that affairs begin in the bedroom. Affairs actually begin in the mind.

First, emotional involvement often leads to our seeing our friend as having few, if any, flaws. This leads to our partner’s flaws becoming considerably more obvious leading to our being critical of our spouse and their habits and mentally comparing them to our friend.

While looking your best for work or going out is not an issue, the action of doing so for a specific person is entirely different. The action of being visually attractive to another person begins in the mind.

Expending considerable emotional energy and thought into dressing up for a friend is a signal that the relationship has a deeper meaning than that of traditional friendship.

Once you dress the part do you let your imagination play out romantic fantasies about your friend? Daydreaming and planning a new life with our friend is often the next step in the progression of an emotional affair.

This mental scenario with our friend is beginning to evolve into a relationship that we feel would be far superior to that of our partner. Directing your energy into cultivating a fantasy is not far from the fantasy transforming into a reality.

4. You’re spending less time with your spouse

Are you spending less time with your mate since the relationship with your friend has become a more significant part of your life? Are you are sharing personal problems, feelings, and thoughts with your friend instead of your partner?

Do you create ways to talk with or be alone with your friend? Do you stage opportunities where it is probable you will run into your friend and then the opportunity to speak with them appears organic? Do you find excuses to talk with them?

Whenever you have something exciting in your life or anything good or bad happens, do you rush to this person to share?

Whether it is communication, your daily life stuff, affection, thoughts, time or focus, does your spouse get less of your mind share while your friend gets more?

While there is nothing wrong with having a good friend, the problem comes when you begin to share less with your mate.

If everything that you used to give to your partner has become considerably less or completely transferred to this new person these are warning signs that an emotional affair is in the works.

5. You keep secrets and lie

Are you keeping the friendship with the other person a secret? Do you minimize the amount of time you spend with your friend to others? Do you omit details about meetings, private lunches, or phone calls?

Do you guard passwords, access to your phone and social media accounts from being seen by your partner? Do you delete evidence from your phone, lie about your whereabouts or deny having communication with your friend?

These are also hallmarks of an emotional affair.

Now that you’ve realized that you’re on the brink of an affair without meaning to, what should you do next?

It is important to remember that even when such affairs do not cross the line and reach the physical stage, the impact is equally damaging and could put your marriage in a danger zone.

The intimacy and chemistry that is the core of an emotional affair have a deeper emotional intensity because you happen to be emotionally invested in it.

An emotional affair is bad, it can slowly disconnect you from your partner and you won’t even realize it. If you have such a kind of friendship with the opposite sex, cut the relationship ASAP. Otherwise, it will take you down the road of a physical affair very soon.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Hot Girl On Tinder Might Be A Hooker

Escort reveals she uses the dating app to find prospective clients

LIKE millions of single women, Lilly Chatte flicks through the Tinder dating
app on her phone hoping to find men in her area.

But she is not looking for a new boyfriend, she’s on the hunt for customers.
Single men willing to pay her for sex.

The university student, 22, is one of a growing number of prostitutes to use
Tinder to find clients and claims to have made £10,000 through the app in
the five months she’s been on the game.

Lilly — not her real name — says: “Men will always pay for sex. All the men I’ve met on Tinder solely want to meet for sex, they don’t want to date.

“I charge $60 for 15 minutes, $80 for 30 minutes, and $100 for an hour. I’m making so much money now I work out of a hotel.

“On a busy day, I entertain up to ten men within 24 hours, but usually just
three or four.”

Tinder has changed the face of online dating in the past few years and now
boasts more than 450 million profiles worldwide.

The app offers users the chance to meet fellow singles living nearby and
analyzes their Facebook profiles to find potential matches.

Those using the app are then presented with candidates and swipe right on
their smartphone screen to approve and left to reject.

If both parties approve of one another, they are then able to chat and arrange a date.

But Lilly says many of the men she meets are not looking for a meal out or a
trip to the cinema — with 50 percent of her matches becoming paying clients.

She adds: “I signed up to an adult website and then heard about Tinder through another escort. I didn’t realize it attracted guys who were willing to pay for dates.

“Studying isn’t cheap so I decided to take up escorting part-time as a quick
and easy way to subsidize my course.

“I make it clear that I am an escort very quickly when communicating with men on Tinder and very few have been shocked enough to stop contact.

“Many say that they have never paid for sex before, but when I tell them my
prices they are often still interested.”

Lilly’s Tinder profile strapline describes her as a “nice friendly girl who is
looking for some fun”. It adds: “If you want to spend hot time together, you
found the right person.”

She says: “I figured somewhere within my description of myself guys would
realize I was willing to provide services, as opposed to dating for free.

“Sure enough, within just a few minutes of setting up my profile, I had guys
asking whether I’d be willing to meet up.

“I didn’t mess around, I just told them straight that I didn’t date for free
and the next day I had my first paying client.

“If the guy wants something kinky, I charge more. I get over $1,000 for
overnight bookings and up to $3,000 for weekends away.

“If someone wants me to go to their house or hotel, it’s $130.”

Tinder Dating App logo

One bonus of using Tinder, Lilly says, is that because it grabs information
from Facebook, the app will tell her if she shares any mutual friends with a
potential client – helping to avoid awkward situations.

She explains: “Most guys just want some no strings adult fun and book me for an hour or two.

“Tinder is really handy for this because it sources singles who live near you,
so guys don’t have to travel far to come and meet me for a short period of
time. When I book in clients through the adult site they’re normally married
and I feel really bad for their wives.

“That’s not nice, so I try to stick to Tinder.”

But Lilly, from Gatwick, West Sussex, admits that using the app to find
punters have brought some odd people into her bed.

She adds: “One guy arrived with a knife and a bin bag and asked if he could
cut me up and put my body parts in the bag.

“Thankfully he left quietly when I insisted he made a swift exit.

“Some guys arrive with drugs on them, in which case I politely ask them to
leave immediately.

“Another client complained he hadn’t had his full hour’s worth and threatened to phone his mum. I just had to laugh.” Despite those encounters, Lilly says she has met some “really great guys” using Tinder, but she insists that she is not yet ready to find herself a steady relationship.

She says: “If I were to settle down and meet a proper boyfriend on a dating
site I’d get bored within a few weeks and I’d want to start playing the
field and experimenting again.

“The guys that come to see me know exactly what they’re getting and leave
satisfied, that’s more than most men can say after a Tinder date.”

Tinder did not respond to our requests for comment.

Tinder conversation

‘I get what I want and no dates’

STUDENT Mark, 22, has been a prolific Tinder user since splitting with his
last girlfriend earlier this year — and has also hooked up with more than
one prostitute, he met through the app.

He says: “I’ve not been interested in relationships since my last girlfriend
dumped me. I did try some dating sites, but I had no success.

“One of my best pals told me about Tinder and I found it much more useful
right from the start. It was light-hearted, welcoming, and also very
addictive. I found myself browsing all night when I first joined.

“I’ve met up with a few girls from Tinder so far, but the first experience was
a wee bit awkward as the girl I’d been chatting to was an escort.

“When I first met her online she was very friendly and fun-loving, and there was a real sexual spark between us.

“We told each other all about ourselves, exchanged numbers, and then she
mentioned that she was an escort. Just like that.

“At first I was so gutted, but on the other hand, I had wanted to try new
things. That was part of the reason I joined the site in the first place.

“I didn’t want to visit prostitutes, so meeting someone I knew more about but still strictly for ‘business’ was a perfect option for me — and it was one
of the most monumental sexual experiences, I’ve ever had.

I enjoyed my time with her so much I have continued to see her whenever I can, normally once a month. We keep in touch on a weekly basis and she sends me photos from her holidays.

“There is another escort I met on Tinder who I see every so often. But I
wouldn’t want to visit more than two girls at any one time because even
though I’m paying for their services, I do feel you develop a relationship.

“I’d say I’ve spent almost $2,000 on hookers so far, but I don’t mind as I
know I’ll get what I want and there are no boring dates or awkward silences.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1