5 Signs You’re Not Over Your Breakup Yet, So Give Yourself Time

It’s no secret that getting over a breakup takes time, regardless of who ended things. If you just got out of a relationship — especially if you were together for several years — it’s only natural to need a minute (or, you know, a few) to heal and move on. Understanding the signs you’re not over your breakup yet and recognizing them in yourself might help you realize you need a little more time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, moving on doesn’t happen overnight.

While it would be nice to have an exact timeline for when you “should” be fully over someone, that’s not always realistic. Everyone is different. “This truly depends on a couple of things,” Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, previously told us. “If your ex was the one to break up [with you] and you did not see it coming, it could take several months.” On the other hand, “If you broke up with your ex and you had been mulling it over for a bit, it may only take a couple of weeks to a month,” Armstrong said.

If you recognize any of the following signs or behaviors within yourself, it might mean you’re not over your breakup just yet. Don’t be too hard on yourself, because everyone’s different. Trust that you will get there when you get there, and everything will fall into place.

1. You didn’t grieve the end of the relationship.

Dmytro Bilous/ Stocksy

You can’t truly move on from a breakup if you don’t let yourself feel sad, mad, or upset for a while. “Let yourself feel all the emotions,” dating coach Diana Dorell previously told Elite Daily. “Denial is a part of the grieving process, and the end of a relationship really can feel like a death of sorts. Trying to skip over how you feel or distracting yourself from your feelings is only a temporary solution.”

2. You still want to reach out to them.

It is so tempting to text your ex after a breakup, no matter how things ended. So, if you still feel yourself reaching for the phone, there’s a good chance you probably aren’t over the breakup. “Even if you and your ex aren’t communicating, give yourself a timeframe, [during] which you will commit to not reaching out to them in any way,” Dorell said “Once you get to that point, re-commit for another round,” she continued. “You may find that you don’t even have the desire to reach out.”

3. You still check their social media.

Studio Firma/ Stocksy

Social media can make breakups even harder. Being able to see what your ex is up to on a daily basis can make it harder to forget about them. “If you are following your ex on social media, be careful to not stalk their account and do check-ins with yourself to make sure you are not feeling sadness or anxiety from checking their social media pages,” Marline Francois-Madden, LCSW, psychotherapist, and CEO of Hearts Empowerment Counseling Center previously told Elite Daily.

At the end of the day, it might be best to hit that “unfollow” button.

4. You’ve held on to physical mementos.

You probably aren’t over a breakup if you’ve been holding onto something that belonged to your ex. A shirt, book, or blanket can hold too many memories to allow you to really move on. “Have a simple ritual to honor the relationship, and then release any objects that remind you of them. Donate, sell, throw away,” Dorell said.

5. You haven’t taken time for yourself.

In order to get over a breakup, you might need to take some time to love yourself. “One of the most important things to remember during a breakup is that heartbreak affects your physiology and your neurochemistry,” Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of breakup recovery app Mend, previously told Elite Daily. “Going through a breakup feels like going through withdrawal, so it’s really important in the early days to take extra care of yourself — make sure you’re walking or getting a little bit of exercise every day to get happy hormones flowing.”

There’s no real way to rush your way through a breakup, so don’t stress too much if you aren’t completely over the relationship just yet. It takes time and effort. Remember: Try not to reach out, hit “unfollow” if you can, and take care of yourself. Be patient and kind with yourself. Heartbreak is no joke, but with some patience, you’ll get there.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Guys, Here are 5 Major Reasons Why Women Get Tired of Dating You

If you’re wondering why your babe no longer cares as she used to, one of these reasons could be responsible for the change.

It’s logical to wonder what could have gone wrong if your girlfriend or partner begins to show signs of being fed up with you and the relationship.

If your girlfriend ever starts to give you attitude and you wonder why one of more of these five reasons could be responsible for the change.

1. You stopped being the guy she fell for

Not many things are as annoying and tiring for women as inconsistency. If you blew hot at the beginning of the relationship, you should keep that up. Don’t switch up on her negatively when the relationship finally begins.

Keep being sweet to her, keep communicating, keep being supportive, keep looking out for her, keep being the driven, passionate guy… because if you stop being the partner she met and fell for, don’t be surprised if she no longer wants anything to do with you.

If you stop being the guy she fell for, she may no longer be interested in the relationship.
2. You’re cheating on her

Obviously, cheating is a game-changer. If you are a serial, unrepentant cheat, your partner would surely want to get out.

No woman deserves the emotional imbalance of dealing with a fornicating, no-holds-barred cheat.

And to be honest, that’d be the right thing to do.

3. Your priorities changed

Do you still show her she’s special? Do you still hold her in high esteem and make it obvious in the things you do and the decisions you make?

If the answer to that is no, she may seek a way out. No one wants to play second fiddle or be placed so low on the list of priorities and what you hold dear.

If your friends, job, and pretty much everything comes before your woman all the time, it won’t be long before she gets fed up.

4. Bad sex

If your sex game is not A1, there’s every chance that the dissatisfaction will brew over at some point and cause her to seek a way out of the relationship.

Not many women want to be tied for life to men who are capable of only mediocre sex. If they can avoid it, they will. And your babe looking for a way out could be as a result of this, too.

Women get tired of men who cheat. It’s easy.

5. Respect

Did you stop respecting her as a person? Do you throw her opinions back in her face or don’t bother asking for her input on issues that affect you both? Do you try to control her life and dismiss her own opinions on matters that concern her?

Then surely you deserve to be tossed in the bin. And it may be only a matter of time before she dumps you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Things All Couples in Healthy Relationships Do Every Day

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands.

All relationships are unique but all require one thing: hard work.

There is a lot of relationship advice out there, from articles to videos. But, after 20+ years as a marriage advisor working with executives and their families, I found that work success can also translate into martial and committed relationship success.

Healthy relationships require just as much work and effort in order to be successful. In marriage, especially, the hard work doesn’t stop at the wedding. It continues on until “death do us part”.

Whether you’re in a relationship or married, it’s important for both partners to do their fair share and lift their weight in order to last a long time.

If you can put as much effort into building your career as learning how to have a healthy relationship, you will achieve the same success.

Here are 10 ways to apply your hard-working ethics to successful and healthy relationships.

1. Take responsibility for the health of your relationship

You and your spouse are responsible for the state of your marriage.

Acknowledge that your beliefs, choices, and behaviors all play a role in your relationship, and strive to make decisions that support your bond.

2. Exhibit the behaviors you hope to see in your spouse

If you want to be with a kind, considerate, and hardworking person, you too need to adopt these attributes.

Lay the foundation for a successful marriage by acting in a way that makes you proud. Show your spouse you love and respect them to nurture your relationship.

3. Give more than you hope to receive

Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated — and then go the extra mile.

Be the example, even if you do not believe your spouse is giving back what you are putting into the marriage. Live without expecting reciprocity.

4. Determine who you are

Clarity about who you are and where you are headed brings feelings of purpose and fulfillment.

By discussing what you want and encouraging your spouse to do the same, you will build a framework to evaluate your desired outcomes.

5. Continue building your relationship skills

Few couples put in the time to actively improve their relationship skills.

It’s important, however, that you work to continually strengthen your bond.

6. Advocate for your marriage or commitment

Society conveys that spouses should consider divorce when things are no longer “fun” or “easy”.

Rather than accepting this outlook, view your marriage as the most important relationship you have. Remember that your union is sacred.

7. Commit to your partner

Marriage is an investment not only in your partner but also in your relationship.

Even when things become difficult, honor your commitment by putting in the work needed to sustain a healthy marriage.

8. Aim for personal growth

The challenges we face help us learn and grow. Couples who stay together through difficult times report that their marriages are happier and stronger.

Aim to improve yourself, and your marriage will improve too.

9. Learn from other successful relationships

Those who have not witnessed other happy marriages or committed relationships often struggle with their own relationships.

Remember that your example will give future generations a framework for their own success.

10. Remember that anything is possible

If you want to enjoy a thriving marriage, you must put in the time to nurture your relationship. This will not occur organically any more than your next raise or promotion. Pinpoint your goals and put in the work to achieve them.

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands. It is the result of the actions you take, for you have considerable power over your thoughts and attitudes.

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Why Your Marriage Will Most Likely End in Divorce (And Why It’s Completely Normal)

Maybe we weren’t all meant to live happily ever after.

What are the most common reasons for divorce and why is the divorce rate so high?

Learning what percentage of marriages end in divorce may make you seriously wonder why.

It’ll make our lives so much better.

Even when standing at the altar, assume marriage isn’t for eternity.

Instead, assume someday you might want out.

And not just you. That person standing there with you, too.

In that world, we’ll have happier marriages with more honest communication and expectations.

And happier divorces, as well. No failure. No gloom. Just a normal, expected outcome.

In our modern world, half of the marriages end in divorce.

We know that. We know divorced people. We couldn’t care less.

Do we go around shaming people thinking of divorce? Or ostracizing divorcees? This is just stating the obvious, right?

Still, we have a hard time embracing that “till death do us part” is a Santa Claus fantasy for grownups – and an often harmful one.

If we can admit that marriage is rarely forever, we’ll save so many from stress, anguish, and the guilt-ridden and shame-inducing delusion that divorce is a failure.

It’s not. It’s typical.

I’m not saying that happy couples should break up.

If you find a soulmate for life, congrats. I’m jealous.

But if you’re an average human and don’t (or can admit you probably won’t) find that forever love, then get rid of the pressure to remain content with just one partner for your whole life.

What do you have to gain?

This is not cold or unromantic.

We genuinely love our partners when we say “I do.”

Many of us still love them even when it’s time for a divorce. Just…not in the same way. Or maybe we don’t love them anymore.

That’s not an indictable offense.

These are normal life changes — not crimes or sins — and they’re no reason to turn feelings of guilt and shame into fire aimed at a partner.

On the contrary, the commonality and inevitability of such life changes is a reason to keep breakups amicable, fair, and even loving.

This is also not making moral or value judgments on the sanctity of marriage, the importance of commitment, or the necessity to continuously work on our relationships.

It’s just trying to provide a common-sense answer to a common-sense question: Should marriage be expected to continue forever?

Forever is a long time.

If we get hitched at, say, 30, and live to say, 80, why, that’s 50 years.

How many relationships — how many anythings — last 50 years?

How many business partnerships?

How many people live in the same house for 50 years? The same city?

How many close friends stay close friends that long?

I know, most consider marriage more important and sacred than such things.

Which is even more reason to view marriage with deep honesty and compassion.

If something’s really sacred, why lie to ourselves about it?

The truth remains: even happy, successful marriages — with couples that do the work and collaborate, forgive and recommit — even they probably aren’t going to be content for 50 years.

And that’s ok. Successful or otherwise, marriages should just…end successfully. They often do.

We see examples of famed “conscious uncouplings” like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, but also of everyday folks who quietly and amicably move on.

Even with children. Kids today are surrounded by divorce: their social networks are filled with single parents and kids of split families. It’s normal to them.

Of course, kids are unhappy if mom and dad break up, but, if handled properly, they’re not shocked, scandalized, or scarred.

Forever is a nearly unattainable objective, born of bygone eras when marriages were business deals brokered for merging families, finances, or bloodlines.

Or when “till death do us part” was a much briefer journey, when people in their 50s and 60s slowed down and retired from energetic activity, to sit in rocking chairs waiting for the undertaker.

But happily, those days are gone.

We’re going to live to be 80, 90, 100, with, if we’re lucky, active brains and bodies pretty much to the end.

We should be free to pursue happiness throughout our long, healthy lives.

That often means allowing ourselves to start over.

Fresh beginnings. Second, third, or fourth chances.

Unconstrained by antiquated notions about contracts for life.

It’s ok to want that. It’s ok to go for it.

Still, even in modernity, we keep telling ourselves that divorce is a failure or needs to be a war.

But for what, exactly? Judging our lives based on criteria created eons ago by people who thought the sun revolved around the Earth?

I hope marriages last forever. I just know they usually don’t. And I’m good with that.

We’re messy humans. That’s just who we are. And pretending otherwise can do more harm than good.

In today’s world, “till death do us part” may be the dumbest oath ever.

Let’s stop saying it.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How Men And Women Define Cheating Completely Differently

Don’t assume that you and your partner are on the same page.

What do you consider cheating?

Most people (who aren’t in a polyamorous relationship) think that having sex with someone who isn’t their significant other is cheating.

But what about texting and chatting on the phone but keeping it a secret — are you being unfaithful then? How about sexting, photo exchange, or deep kissing — is that OK?

You should have a very clear idea of where it is that you draw the line as far as cheating goes, and once you’ve decided, it’s a good idea to find out your partner’s ideas on infidelity, too … before it becomes a problem.

new study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy confirmed that men and women often have entirely different ideas about what cheating really means, and that knowing what your partner considers as cheating can be beneficial for your relationship.

“Knowing what your partner believes to be infidelity could potentially save a relationship if both partners understand each other’s perspective, thus making the topic of different infidelity perceptions worthy of research,” the study says.

For the study, researchers had 354 participants (undergraduate students) complete an online questionnaire on infidelity.

The participants were asked to rank different acts from 1 (definitely not cheating) to 4 (definitely cheating) on actions and scenarios like kissing, intercourse, falling in love but not acting on it, fantasizing about having sex with someone but not going through with it, going to a strip club and having a lap dance, and watching porn.

The survey also included questions that were meant to assess the participant’s own characteristics on things like fear of rejection, anxiety, and communication level.

There was no difference between men and women in regards to fear of intimacy and sensitivity to rejection; however, women scored significantly higher than men on communication,

The study found that women, on average, have a greater desire to form and maintain supportive interpersonal relationships. They’re more connected to their relationships than men.

Interestingly, the study found that women are more likely than men to classify both sexual-based and emotional-based acts as cheating, whereas men were found to only consider sexual acts as infidelity.

“An ideal outcome from therapeutic intervention [therapy] would include greater partner understanding and communication, relationship commitment and relationship satisfaction,” the study reads.

If your significant other believes that watching porn is OK but you think it’s a relationship dealbreaker, you need to talk about it before it becomes a problem.

Your relationship will be stronger once you and your partner are on the same page, at least as far as infidelity goes.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1