Stop Stigmatizing Age-Gap Relationships

‘Love is love’ should include all healthy relationships

Have you ever been out to dinner and glanced at another table and noticed an older man dining with a younger woman? Did you judge that man? Did you judge that woman? For many, the first thought is “he’s a pervert,” or “she’s probably a gold digger.” These are said far too often when people encounter individuals involved in an age-gap relationship.

Are friendships, relationships, rapports not respected if those involved are not the same age or undergoing the same phase of life? Today, people are so quick to shame relationships if the individuals involved are not of similar ages. People seem to lose their minds over anything above a seven-year age difference. Without any background information, people everywhere are constantly judging relationships they don’t know anything about.

It is important to note that I am not encouraging older men or women to pursue children. The age-gap relationships I am discussing are those that involve two consenting adults. In other words, both individuals must be over the age of eighteen and out of high school. At this point in people’s lives, they are able to process their thoughts and decisions, and dictate their own lives.

Now, when it comes to relationships in general, the business between the two individuals involved is personal to them, not anyone else. Why do people feel the need to step in and make their opinions known when they see a couple that may be over a decade apart? It is still a relationship, and it is still personal to them. Therefore, they deserve the same respect and privacy all other couples receive.

Advice From A Cougar: The Older Woman Younger Man Relationship

A common argument against age-gap relationships is that different phases of life are detrimental to the overall well being of those involved in these relationships. Being in different phases of life can lead to challenges in relationships among these individuals. However, we should leave it up to those involved to decide what works for them, what is right for them and what ultimately makes them the happiest. I think we often forget that we are only given so much time on this planet. If one finds themselves deeply in love with a person, regardless of the difference in age between them, who is to say they should not go for it and experience the love and joy that the relationship brings them.

Additionally, our current society does a solid job in advocating for “love is love.” Though this phrase has been traditionally utilized to defend and support homosexual relationships, it should be applied to age-gap relationships. Simply put, if two people are in love, let them bask in it, embrace it and fully experience its depth.

16 Celebrity Women Who Dated Younger Men-Celebrities Dating Older ...

Love is intangible. People do not get to decide when they fall in love or who they are going to fall in love with. Often, love reveals itself at the most unexpected times, not every time love is realized it is wanted. Again, we do not have a choice when it comes to love and natural human connection. When it happens, it should be appreciated to the fullest extent. As long as neither is experiencing unhealthy or inhibitory consequences of the relationship, then the relationship is fine.

Differences in appearance should not matter. Differences in backgrounds should not matter. Differences in age definitely should not matter. So, next time you come into contact with a couple in an age-gap relationship, swallow the judgement, evaluate why you even feel justified to judge and let people enjoy the people that bring them the most joy.

 

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Liz – Chapter 5 – Another One Down

FRIDAY

I send her a spectacular happy birthday text. It’s a Bitmoji that looks like me with balloons. (It’s an iphone thing)

She loved it.

“How cool is this?!!!! Thank you!”

SATURDAY

“Hope your having a fun birthday weekend!”

“Thank you so much. It’s a great weekend.”

MONDAY

“Welcome back! I’m free after 5 today. I have some meetings in the morning on Tuesday but should be available by the afternoon.”

“Thank you (smiley face) I should be available this evening. Let me make sure. (Later) “Tuesday looks good for me.” (happy face)

“Ok I’ll let you know when and where.”

“Will do.”

TUESDAY

“What time do you want to meet up?”

“I just got out of a meeting. I can meet at 5pm at Square 1682.”

Later….

“Hi. I am not going to be able to make that time. After 6?”

“Sure. You’re worth waiting for.”

“Awww thank you! (smiley with hands) Ok so I’m thinking 6:30. Is that okay?”

At this point I have just worked a million shifts at both sites and just got up early and took the test to be certified to be Serve Safe for the restaurant. I’m going to my dear friend’s for the 4th of July and I don’t have to be in until 5 at Mac Mart so I’m good.

“That’s perfectly fine. I’ts pouring rain outside right now so that works out well.”

A half hour passes. I’m just happy I’ve finally taken the test for Safe Serve and I don’t have to study anymore. It’s been a chore. Working both jobs and studying this huge book about how to not get people sick at your restaurant. It’s so important. Any restaurant you walk into there must be a person that is Serve Safe certified or the board of health will shut you down.

Cooking and serving food to the general public is critical. NEVER get anyone sick. That’s the central message.

I’m chilling at Square, sipping wine and editing this blog when I get this message:

“Please please please forgive me, but I just walked into the house and I am pooped. I would love to hang, but I’m sinking fast. Can we reschedule?”

I’m spent from the week and this day, so I am totally relieved I don’t have to engage another person.

“Sure! I’m really tired too. I have has a long day. I’m just going to chill at the bar for a bit until the rain stops. I have my laptop and my favorite bartender’s working.”

“Oh, that sounds perfect. Thank you for understanding.”

“No worries dear! Like I said, I’m beat as well.”

THE FOURTH OF JULY COMES AND GOES

FRIDAY

“How are you Liz? How was your 4th?

“I’m doing good. It was really fun. Yours?”

“It was amazing and fun! I normally don’t do anything but this was especially terrific. I’m happy to hear from you, Liz. Square 1682 at 5pm on Monday? Can you?

SUNDAY

“I’m sorry. I can’t do that time. I am meeting my trainer tomorrow.”

I texted her the plan on Friday. The whole weekend went by. She got back to me two days later with a no.

It’s over.

Even if she ever wants to meet up again I’m not going to do it.

I’ve been in this world of online dating for three years to write this blog and I’m pretty sure that online dating is for leftovers and losers.

Even though my life is writing a dating and relationship blog, I think I’m done with Tinder, Clover, Bumble, Match, and Coffee meets Bagel.

It’s been two years and I thank you for being on the journey with me, but there are more stories to be told.

In the real world.

Let’s change this and go forward.

I’m going to go back to the old way of dating and just try to meet some people in the real world.

Let’s see what happens.

 

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No, Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last. Here’s The Truth

“Nice guys finish last” is a phrase that has always made me feel a lot of negative emotions. Frustration comes to mind. Disgust. Exhaustion. Do women have a phrase like that? Do we say that, “Nice women finish last?” No way. That’s a very complex topic in and of itself since women have been told for centuries to just “be nice,” which really did hold us back, but we were told was a good thing. And now you have empowered, fabulous “nasty women” who make some gains due to it, but are also chastised for it. We don’t get this clean and convenient relationship with the word “nice” that men have. But I digress. I’m tired of men saying “nice guys finish last” and, quite frankly, I’ve never met one who said it that was really all that nice. Here’s the truth about that twisted idea.

Being nice for a reward isn’t nice

Often, when men say this, it’s because they were very nice to a woman for a long time, in the hopes that, in return, she’d sleep with them. Then she didn’t. She slept with someone else. And they complain it’s because they were “nice.” So, to be clear: doing something nice purely because you want something in return is not nice. That’s called being selfish.

Neither is being dishonest

Also, while we’re on the topic of being nice to a woman in the hopes that she’ll sleep with you, it’s dishonest. She believes you just want to be her friend because you’ve never stated otherwise, and all the while you have an agenda. You’re a guy who wants to sleep with her, in disguise of a man who doesn’t. You’re pretending to be happy in the friend zone. That’s dishonest, and that’s not nice.

I typically see men who will let women walk all over them—they’ll take the woman’s car to be washed while she has lunch with another man and dog sit for her while she goes on a trip with another man—and then they’ll say they didn’t get her because they were nice. What they were was a doormat and that’s a different category.

When men complain that they were so nice to a woman and got nothing return, it really angers me because nobody made them do that. They are grown*ss men with free will who don’t have to do anything for anybody that they don’t want to do. They have nobody but themselves to blame if they did a bunch of things they didn’t enjoy.

Your values should be for you

You know what’s really attractive? Sticking to your values because they matter to you and not because they may attract or impress someone else. When men are just nice in the hopes that women will take notice, that’s just sad. Does that mean they aren’t nice when women aren’t watching?

If she truly prefers jerks…

Sometimes, a man is correct in that the woman he is after just likes jerks. Okay. Fine. I can concede that sometimes women do like jerks. But to that “nice” guy I ask: so, um, why do you like women who like jerks? That really says something more about that guy than that woman.

But sometimes, that’s just your perception

The reality is that a lot of times when a guy loses out on a woman who chooses another guy, the “loser” makes himself feel better by just telling himself that the other guy is a jerk and the woman likes jerks. But, sometimes, that’s just his perception. The winner is often a nice guy, too.

What we really like is confidence

What “nice guys” mistake as cockiness is really just confidence. That’s what women tend to respond to in men. Some men who struggle to exhibit confidence have to tell themselves that confidence always equals cockiness in order to console themselves.

Confidence, combined with kindness

And, for the record, confident men can be kind. In fact, that’s the combination of traits we like the most. It’s not as simple as men breaking down into two categories of meek but nice men and confident jerks. Hybrids exist. Oh, and there are meek jerks, too.

Being assertive doesn’t= being a jerk

The story many “nice guys” lean on is that the guy who got the girl was pushy, while the nice guy was “polite and patient.” What really happened, often, is the guy who got the girl was just assertive. He let his intentions be known.

Sitting and waiting doesn’t make you nice

Sitting around, quietly waiting for someone to notice you and give you what you want without you ever having to ask for it doesn’t make you nice. It’s actually the opposite of that because, you’re setting others up to fail. A woman who might have said yes if you’d asked her out is now the devil in your eyes because she dated someone else. But you never asked her out.

In fact, it makes you a little pathetic

Truly, just sitting around hoping somebody hands you what you want without having to fight for it or ask for it makes a man rather pathetic. There seem to be a lot of self-proclaimed “nice guys” out there who, quite frankly, are just being pathetic. They’re sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.

Becoming resentful is so petty

Let’s not forget about the men who get fed up with being “nice” for so long that then they intentionally become jerks. Ugh. What a delusional, stupid, and misguided path.

Plenty of jerks finish last

There are jerks who finish last, by the way. Jerks finish last all of the time, because they’re jerks!

They just don’t sit around pitying themselves

You know what the jerks have over the “nice guys”? Well, at least they don’t sit around pitying themselves for not getting what they wanted. They just go out and try again.

 

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Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 11

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Clearing the Cache

I wanted to do this a few years ago, but NOW is the time.

Qui Gon Chaz?

Middle aged Luke Skywalker?

I’ve come to a revelation lately. The older I get, the wiser I become. I remember thinking and saying to my dad how smart he was. He would just say, “I’m just older, son.”

He was right.

He knew he wasn’t better or smarter than anyone else, he simply knew he’d been around for a bit and learned some things along the way.

He was absolutely right.

Although there were certain aspects of my father’s persona he never addressed, he still was a man who had developed cognitive intelligence along the way through experience and through books he’d read.

Socially he was a master and really perfected the art of charming people through manners and diplomacy.

My dad was a great actor and politician.

He knew it, and used it to his advantage.

I’ve met so many people along the way in my journey, and because I’m a giver and sensitive to the human condition, I give people a lot of chances.

Too many chances.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but there’s a moment when you have to draw the line and decide to let go of certain people.

If not, you’re continuing to evolve but still have some human detritus in your cache that need to be jettisoned.

They’re not bad people, but they just aren’t a match for your life anymore.

It isn’t an event, or a day when it happens, but you just sort of have a feeling that these people don’t have a place in your life anymore.

You have nothing in common with them, and no longer align with their lifestyle or mindset.

You’ve acquired them on your journey, sometimes by accident or by choice, but there comes a point when you realize as you continue to grow, you have no use for them anymore. They’re stuck. Probably stuck when you met them you just didn’t notice.

Again, they’re not bad people, but you can no longer carry them in your life.

You continue to evolve and move forward with your life, but sadly realize they are so far behind or stuck they can no longer be in your life.

It’s hard. And if you’re kind you’ll actually think about them for awhile. But happily in time… they’ll fade away.

I wanted to cut this person off over a year and a half ago, but I knew they would only stalk me at my job. But now is the time to finally cut the very last toxic person out of my life.

Cut them loose with no remorse. You’ll feel an incredible sense of relief they can no longer live in your mind rent free.

 

 

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Liz – Chapter 4 – Something’s Changed

I’m happy I met Liz and I’m looking forward to getting to know her. Maybe not so much getting to know her, but a lady to do stuff with. drinks, lunch, movies etc. I am at a point in my life where I don’t care if it doesn’t go anywhere.

I know that sounds nuts from the guy that writes a dating and relationship blog, but I think I’m there.

I love telling my stories about my life, and dolling out dating and relationship advice but to be honest with you all I may be done with it all.

Don’t worry. The blog will live on, but it’s probably going to eventually change. I’m not sure how that will happen. I have and idea, how it will be compartmentalized, but I can’t see what it will look like exactly.

How can one write a dating and relationship blog and not be in a relationship?

I don’t know. But based on my last relationship that was simple and sweet, I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I suppose we’ll all just evolve together.

I’m walking through Suburban Station. The main hub for all of the trains in the city. I text Liz the day after our first meeting.

“Thinking about you.”

“Haha. You knew what to text.”

“You’re done for the day!”

“Not quite. I’m off for the rest of the week. So I wanted to finish up a few things. Hi”

“Oh lucky you! Did you tell me that? How’d you swing that?”

“I didn’t mention it. My birthday is on Friday and I don’t take off too often. So, it’s my treat to me.”

“Great gift!”

“Thanks! (smiley face)

“Do you have anything planned?”

“Baltimore Harbor.”

“Oh fantastic! Maybe we can meet up Sunday after 4 or one day next week!”

“Tuesday?”

“I have to see what my schedule is next week okay?”

“no problem.”

I’m glad we met! (me smiley with little hands)

 

crickets

 

(A couple of days later)

“How’s your day going? Hot one.”

“It’s going well. Back at work. How’s Baltimore? I’m sure you’re having more fun than I am up here in Philly.”

“I don’t leave until Friday night. I’ve been chillin’ in Philly. I love hot Philly, btw.”

“Oh awesome! I didn’t realize you hadn’t gone! Are you excited?”

“I am excited. How are you doing?”

I’m doing well! Did lots of cleaning today at the house with my daughter. We worked together. Mac Mart was good. Not too busy. I love working there and… we just passed our health inspection!”

“Nice with the health inspection. I wish I could eat there.”

“Yea, it went really well because we run a clean ship! We won’t see them for another year!”

“Good. I’ll tell me friends to eat there.”

Based on these texts, this is where she wants me to inquire about her dairy allergy.

“Why can’t you eat there?”

“I don’t eat dairy.”

“I get it. Do you have any other dietary concerns?”

“Dairy breaks me out. I think it is the hormones in it that clogs my pores or something. So I love it but it doesn’t love me.”

RED FLAG

“I don’t think we’re even meant to consume dairy as humans.”

“Most people get personally offended when you say that, but I agree.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 8

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Woman Arrested & Charged After Telling 911 Her ‘P*ssy’ Was ‘On Fire’

This is so crazy I had to post it!

A woman from Ohio was arrested and charged after she called 911 to say the emergency she was experiencing, was that her “p*ssy was on fire.”

Katrina Morgan, 50, placed the called to 911 late Saturday evening to report that her “p*ssy was on fire” and that she needed someone from the fire department to “put it out with their hose,” according to the arrest report.

Morgan then dropped the call, and when a police dispatcher called her back, she repeated the claim and asked for responders to “come put her p*ssy out because it is on fire.”

It should come as no surprise that reports say that Morgan also “appeared highly intoxicated” when cops arrived at her friend’s home in Lake Erie, that she smelled of booze and was “having trouble walking, was slurring her speech,” police noted.

Morgan was handcuffed and booked into the Ottawa County jail on multiple counts, including disrupting public service, a felony, and making false alarms and resisting arrest, both misdemeanors.

And Ye SHALL BE henceforth known AS FIRE CROTCH ! - Gingers do ...

 

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Eileen – Chapter 17 – Farewell My Love

Eileen has been an absolute delight to have as an employee at the salon.

She’s 18 and gorgeous. I’m actually surprised I got her.

She called to see if we needed help and I was desperate. She came in dressed to the nines and looked 23. I texted Achilles immediately for where the hell the job applications were.

She called and I really needed help but when I saw her and had to have her.

She was immediately hired, and she took to the salon like it was her own.

I liked that she had a natural knack to service. She’s a hostess at an Olive Garden back at home inn St Louis in the summer. I have found the perfect employee.

Eileen has been amazing in every way at this salon. Achilles is free of the bullshit of staffing and I am bringing him his best.

Eileen is amazing and is the perfect employee that’s always on time. I manage her schedule and Achilles doesn’t have to deal with it. I do this all summer long.

How bad is my life? I kill it at the salon and work with the best girls in the world.

I feed and reward a good staff.

My girls kill it for me. I make the salon my own. They will heave free food and drinks whenever they desire.

Eileen is in a relationship with a boy back in St Louis. They wear promise rings. I take Eileen out on weekly dates to piss him off. It’s funny, because as much rage as Thomas feels, it’s unfounded. I am simply rewarding the fine work I’m getting from Eileen. She’s fantastic and one of the greatest hires I’ve ever had.

Thomas needs to cool his jets and know that I’m not some creepy old guy after his girl but a dad who adores his staff and takes good care of them.

Thomas has been angry lately. He thinks I’m a pervert. I like that. Be worried, child. I am simply rewarding a couple of great ladies for kicking ass during our busiest season.

Eileen and Amelia are the greatest employees we’ve ever had. I adore them both,

I’m honored they’re both in my life.

Ease up dude.

Eileen is a great girl you should honor because she’s amazing and forget about me.

I just loved being with her because she’s amazing.

“I’m not after her. I love the great work she did for me. Settle down, Thomas.”

Eileen is going back to St Louis and her work is done here.

She came in to see us and say goodbye, but it’s bittersweet, because we’re not just losing the Spring help. I’m losing Eileen. One of the best employees I’ve ever had.

But I have to understand. She has to go home. She’s worked so hard on her studies in Criminal Justice at Drexel and given her all here at the salon.

I dream of employees of Eileen and Amelia. We’ve been blessed this season.

I have loved working with both of these wonderful women, and enjoyed my time with them.

Eileen was mostly food and Amelia was more about cocktails, but I love that.

Help has been the major challenge at this company, but I have eradicated that problem with these two wonderful people.

I’ll miss my time with Eileen. She has been a delight to work with. Her personality, her dress code and service have always been first rate. She’s a lovely, smart girl that always looked great for work, and treated the clients with such great hospitality.

I trained she and Amelia and they were both on point.

It made life at the salon so much better during our busy season.

The clients don’t care, they just want to get their base on. But the girls have been amazing and innovative to keep everybody happy. That’s I how I trained them.

I miss Eileen already.

She boarded a jet back home for the summer. She works at Olive Garden as a hostess in her home town. She’s already asked me for a raise when she comes back.

Future lawyer.

I love her.

She texted Amelia and myself when she was going home and said she would miss us.

I know she’ll be missed far more by Amelia and I.

Can’t wait to see our friend again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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