4 Things You Need To Know About Pickable, The New Dating App That’s Giving Women All The Power

When it comes to certain things — OK, maybe everything — we all benefit when women are in charge. And in our opinion, the same thing applies to dating in the digital age. That’s why our ears perked up when we got wind of Pickable, the new app that’s redefining what it means for women to be in control of their dating lives.

And trust us, we, too, have heard it ALL before. We’ve tried the websites that promise to deliver more compatible dates than a matchmaker, we’ve downloaded the apps that pair you based on your most obscure interests, but mostly, we’ve wasted time going back and forth with matches that we have no chance of actually meeting IRL.

But then we met Pickable, which checks the two most important boxes when it comes to online dating: It’s like no app experience we’ve had before (and we’ve had ’em all), AND it gives off major girl power vibes.

Yes and yes, thank you!

Here are 4 things you need to know about Pickable.

1. It’s built on anonymity.

One of the most unique aspects of Pickable is that it’s a totally anonymous experience for women, right up until they come across a guy they want to connect with. Unlike other apps, female users don’t have to worry about less-than-ideal people (i.e. coworkers, exes, the list goes on) coming across their profiles.

Women start by downloading the app and browsing anonymously. That’s right — they don’t have to include a photo, bio, or even their name. Men, on the other hand, create a simple profile with their name and photo, as well as an optional bio.

When a woman sees someone she wants to strike up a convo with, all she has to do is shoot him a photo, which he can either accept and start chatting, or skip and move along.

How easy is that?

2. It will save you time.

Dating apps are a lot of things. One thing they shouldn’t be is time-consuming.

Pickable provides an alternative to browsing profiles ’til you’re blue in the face, and it helps you avoid the dreaded ‘pen pal’ situation where you and your matches talk forever, but never actually meet up in reality.

Women may have anonymity on Pickable, but men also luck out: All they have to do is chill out and wait until they’re notified that someone wants to chat, and from there (if they’re interested) they can engage, and then take the conversation where it should be — offline, ASAP.

No more sending messages out into the void and getting shot down, or worse, not getting a response at all.

3. It cuts out the stuff that doesn’t matter.

With some apps, you’re practically encouraged to build out elaborate profiles with oh-so-clever bios and the *perfect* pictures that show you from all the right angles.

But how much does that stuff actually matter in the long run?

Not much, according to Pickable. With their minimalist profiles for men, and no profiles for women, they’re cutting out all the fluff that usually just ends up complicating things, and getting straight to what’s most important: Meeting up in real life to see if you’re actually compatible.

4. It evens the playing field.

Even though the Pickable experience differs for men and women, a couple crucial things remain the same: Neither can send unsolicited messages, and once a woman’s chat request is accepted by a man, EITHER can send the first message.

This gives both parties the ability to come up with a fun opening line, and makes unsolicited messages from people you’re not interested in a thing of the past.

Want to try out Pickable and see for yourself what all the hype is about? All you have to do is download the app for free (!); it’s available on both iOS and Android. And in the meantime, click here to learn more about how Pickable works to make real connections in the easiest, most fuss-free way possible.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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PHICKLEPHILLY 2 is Now for Sale on Amazon and Kindle!

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

“Love is a many splintered thing” – Andrew Eldritch

Here it is! The long awaited sequel to the best selling Phicklephilly! Thanks to everyone who bought the first book, and to all of my readers and subscribers on this blog!

Without all of you, none of this would be possible!

You can get it here!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

When I started writing Phicklephilly back in May of 2016, I never realized how much it would grow and flourish as I went forward. It began as an earnest effort to start writing again. After a few false starts through the summer, I finally decided that if I was going to start writing again, I should stop talking about it and just do it. 

It began like most creative works. Slowly. Once I published my first post, I thought; how am I going to do this every Monday? I had no followers and no exposure anywhere. Instead of worrying about that, I decided to dig in and start to tell stories from my recent past. But since then it’s grown exponentially. It’s a dot com now and has hundreds of thousands of page views. I’ve monetized the site and secured advertisers that generate revenue to support my work. It’s been a lot of fun!

In the beginning, my inspiration was a server named Maria who worked at a local restaurant. I sort of had a crush on her but it never became anything. But it was enough to get me writing again. When I met her I had already been in Philly for almost ten years.

 My first relationship with Michelle had only lasted about three years before she left me. She was approaching age thirty and the alarms were going off in her head to get married and make babies. I had already been married and divorced years before that and had a daughter. I wasn’t going down that painful and expensive road again. The odd thing about my relationship with Michelle was, it was the first time I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, stayed friends with me. We were best friends. Isn’t that the key to all successful and loving relationships? 

Michelle reconnected with her former high school boyfriend. Normally that never works but I think this time it might. I think Michelle broke up with him, left Delaware and came to Philly because the guy wasn’t on the road to success. I think Michelle needed to explore the world a bit. She did that for a while and then met me. I was new and different and we had the time of our lives together in the city. But what neither of us realized was that was all we really were. A couple of people who loved the city and it’s nightlife. The drinks flowed and the laughter ensued. But once we got an apartment and moved in together it was the beginning of the end. We didn’t know it at the time, but domestic life never suited our relationship. We were best friends who liked the social excitement of going out, and being a deadly couple in the city. Once the adventure ended it was over. 

We tried it for a while, and did all of the things that couples do. Celebrate the holidays, birthdays, family stuff, and all of the other grinding aspects of domestic life. But we just got to a point where Michelle realized I wasn’t going to marry her and give her kids. We remained friends for several years after that until she moved to California in 2013 to be with her former boyfriend. He had become the man she had hoped he’d be many years ago. She married him, and at the time of this writing has a baby daughter. So it all worked out for her. She achieved the American dream.

I on the other hand started dating Annabelle in 2013. Annabelle is a failed actress and photographer. She makes her living shooting head shots and weddings. The reason things failed with Annabelle was our obvious age difference, and absolute opposite lifestyles. I was the corporate sales guy, and she lived in a world surrounded by theater people. It was like oil and water, and the only thing we shared was our mutual attraction to each other. Annabelle served as a temporary stand-in for my friend Michelle. The relationship lasted a tumultuous nine months and ended. It was fun in the beginning, but all romantic endeavors are. Once the reality sets in that you’re not a match, normally the relationship dissolves. Both of these relationships are well documented in the first Phicklephilly book.

Michelle is long gone, but her memory continues to haunt me of what could have been.

Near the end of the book I met Cherie. When I started writing the blog I realized I had to get back in the dating game. So I did what most people do. I went on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and whatever else was available. I went on a bunch of crazy dates, but things clicked pretty early on with Cherie. 

I realized I had an ending to my first book. I had burned through a couple of relationships, and then met my love, Cherie. Everything was right in the world. She made me happy and we shared some wonderful times. Over the first couple of months we became close and Phicklephilly had a happy conclusion. It seemed like the perfect ending to a great story. I had reached my destination, and had found love in Philly!

Also, when I was with Michelle and Annabelle, I wasn’t writing. Their stories were told from memory, so it’s basically our greatest hits. But phicklephilly the blog was alive and well when I met Cherie. A rich history indeed!

But what happened after the end of the first book? We’re both in love with each other and things are going great. The story has to continue. I can’t just let the tale end there. There’s so much more to reveal. 

Please join me on my continuing journey.

 

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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COMING SOON… PHICKLEPHILLY 2

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

Love at First Swipe! 

Phicklephilly 2 is the sequel to the best selling book, Phicklephilly: One man’s journey to find love in Philadelphia. In the first book, our hero returned to the city in search of the perfect girlfriend. It was a funny, and sometimes heart wrenching tale of a man trying to navigate the pitfalls of the modern dating world. 

After two failed relationships, he turns to online dating. He goes on several crazy dates, but finally finds a woman he really likes. She’s a bright, unique beauty, but like all relationships, they face several challenges.

Phicklephilly 2 continues his journey and shows you what it’s like being in a relationship, and the dynamics that play out living in the city. But several factors work against them both at every step. Will the couple survive the pitfalls and demands of being in an exclusive committed relationship?

He doesn’t always do what’s right, but neither does she. This is his intimate story of what that’s been like for him. Join him to see if he wins… or loses again. 

There’s always three sides to every story. His side, her side… and the truth. 

 

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 will publish on September 14th!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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7 Mistakes To Avoid Making On Bumble

Bumble, which by many has been labeled “The Feminist Tinder,” is not only one of my personal favorite dating apps, but it’s also one of the best downloads for single people who identify as women. Unlike Tinder, Bumble allows women to have more power when it comes to their matches. You’re still meant to swipe left or right, but if you match with another person, it’s up to you to message them within 24 hours, or else the match disappears (and poof, no more chance to talk!). For women seeking other people who identify as women on the app, either person has 24 hours to make the first move or that connection will disappear, too. (Bonus: It also boasts a female founder, Whitney Wolfe, who was an executive at Tinder before launching Bumble.)

But like most dating apps, there are still plenty of mistakes to be made when swiping along. One of the most obvious? Treating Bumble like it’s Tinder. Yes, the two are very similar, but the app was specifically created by Wolfe, Tinder’s co-founder, to give people who identify as women a dating platform of respect and autonomy. So you shouldn’t be using it just like you use Tinder, even if all the swiping makes you feel as though the two are similar.

Similarly, David Bennett, dating expert and founder of Double Trust Dating tells Bustle it’s important to take swiping through Bumble seriously. “Some research shows that a lot of people get on dating apps for weird reasons: attention, wasting time, ego boosts, etc.,” Bennett says. “Unfortunately, many people view Bumble and other dating apps as something to do to waste time. However, this isn’t going to lead to meeting a great person. Just like anything else, if you want to meet someone high quality, then it will require thoughtfully engaging people on the app, in a timely manner.”

To give you an idea of what to avoid doing, here are a few mistakes most of us are guilty of on Bumble.

1. Not Talking With Your Matches As Soon As You Get Them

Since you have limited time to talk to your matches on Bumble, it's important to message them as soon as possible.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

One of the best things about Bumble is that you are the one who can start the conversation as you choose. But if you wait too long, your matches will disappear. Jennifer Stith, the VP of communications and brand development over at Bumble, tells Bustle that the whole purpose of the app is to encourage you to say something.

“The ephemeral nature of the app means you’ll have less time to sit on your hands and will really be presented with a small amount of time to decide who you really want to talk to. We’ve found that this leads to more confident connections,” Stith says.

If you get notifications sent to your phone, the app will let you know when a match is about to expire. But to prevent this from happening, message them soon after you become a mutual match. This way, they will know that you’re interested in pursuing a conversation, and you don’t run the risk of losing out on a potentially cool person.

2. Neglecting To Read Their Bio

This is a common mistake when it comes to dating apps. You’re swiping along, making quick judgments based on a person’s pictures, but disregarding common interests or the few sentences they’ve decided to write about themselves. Dating apps are designed to be easily navigated and quick, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a moment to find out who you’re matching with. We’re not given many words to share our life stories, so whatever words they put there, take an extra second to look. This way, you may have a conversation starter for when you do match.

Similarly, don’t forget about yours. “Take the time to fill out a bio,” Stith says. “A little humor always goes far.”

3. Treating Bumble Like It’s Tinder

Bumble was designed very differently than Tinder, so the two apps shouldn't be treated the same.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Like I said, Bumble isn’t Tinder, and it was specifically designed to be something a bit different. So don’t fall into the “swipe right to everyone” trap you may fall into when you’re Tinder-ing, and don’t sit and wait for someone else to make something happen. With Bumble, it is completely up to you — which, yes, can be scary. Wracking up matches for the sake of it also isn’t an option, because not speaking to your matches means they won’t be there the next day. Unlike Tinder, this app gives you little option but to get to know people, so embrace that!

4. Being Too Negative In Your Profile

While striving to be authentic in your bio is always a good thing, it’s important to steer clear of being too negative. This can ward off potential matches, and not give them the impression you’re actually trying to achieve.

“One of the biggest issues I have seen is that many people use their profile to list out the things they don’t want in a partner or just send out a negative vibe,” Bennett says. “While this is understandable since many people are trying to repel incompatible people, it actually has the opposite effect. This creates an overall pessimistic vibe that may cause good people to swipe left, and invite matches with people that don’t care if your bio is negative.”

It’s important to be discerning, and be clear with what you want — especially on dating apps where people are often not on the same page — but a brief, humorous bio can take you a long way. Once you match, use your conversation as a gauge for whether or not you may be compatible.

5. Starting A Conversation with “Hi”

Starting a conversation on Bumble with "hi" will rarely lead to an interesting conversation.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

This is a rule of thumb for dating apps/websites in general. Starting a conversation with “Hi” is boring and unoriginal. And if the person does answer you, they’ll likely have nothing original to say back.

“On Bumble women make the first move, and despite many women lamenting that most people can’t be bothered to say more than ‘hey,’ many women open with something just as disengaging,” Bennett says. “If you want to stand out to the person you’re messaging, open with something unique. I usually suggest asking a question or making a comment about something in the person’s profile. If you’re going to just say ‘hey’ at least add an emoji with it.”

It’s hard to develop an interesting conversation from that, because you’ve already started on a pretty mundane note. You don’t have to be the most clever person that ever graced Bumble, but if you start a convo asking them about a picture, or their “about me” (which you read), you’re sure to get a more interesting response.

6. Being Too Strict With Filters

While filters can definitely help tailor your search to someone you’d find compatible, it’s important to keep your options open as well to not exclude potentially good matches.

“This may seem like it’s not a mistake, but when I work with my coaching clients, many of them describe their real life crushes, and in many cases their Bumble filters would actually exclude many of the people they really like,” Bennett says. “I suggest being more generous in your filters so you can give a variety of people a chance to see if a connection might happen. This is how love works in ‘the real world.’ This is especially true if you meet a lot of ‘duds’ whom you are finding through your strict filters. Maybe you don’t even know what you want, and you’ll find it better if you are more generous.”

7. Taking It Personally When Someone Doesn’t Answer

It's hard not to take it personally if someone doesn't answer, but it's important to try.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Because the shoe is on the other foot for women seeking men with this app, you may begin to notice that you’ve started some conversations, and people just aren’t answering you. Don’t take it personally. Ghosting is pretty common on all dating apps, but it’s especially felt on Bumble. For whatever reason, the person just didn’t decide to answer. So what? Keep on swiping, and talk to the other new matches you’re sure to get.

But when someone does answer you, be sure that the conversation eventually goes beyond Bumbling. “The ultimate goal is for both parties to feel comfortable enough to perhaps exchange phone numbers as a first step and then, ultimately, to meet in person. If too many messages are exchanged without this happening, it’s easy to meet a dead end,” Stith says. So don’t be afraid to ask for their number, and start things outside of the app.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

What Is Glamboozling? This Dating Trend Is Unbelievably Annoying

I kind of like saying the word, Glamboozle…

With all of the wacky dating trends that happen in the world, I feel like I’ll never run out of material for this blog!

It sucks being all dressed up with nowhere to go. But do you know what sucks worse? Getting all dressed up with the intention of going somewhere, only to have your date cancel at the last minute. If this has ever happened to you, then I’m sorry to say you’ve been subject to a dating trend called glamboozling. Glamboozling means that you’ve blown out your hair, given yourself a mani, and even spent 30 minutes perfecting your winged eyeliner only for your date to send a text saying, “Sry. Can’t make it tonight.” And honestly, I can think of few things worse than wasting a great cat eye because of an unreliable date.

According to Plenty of Fish, a staggering 58% of singles have been glamboozled. As Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Elite Daily, canceling plans on the day of should only be done if you have a really valid excuse — and if you don’t have one, then your date deserves more notice. “[You] should have a good reason to cancel a date last-minute, because otherwise, that’s just rude and inconsiderate,” she said. And not only does flaking on a date pose an inconvenience — it’s also a terrible waste of makeup.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
Ashley Corbin-Teich/Image Source/Getty Images

Luckily, if you want to avoid being glamboozled, there are a few signs that indicate your date is likely to cancel. According to Julia Armet, Head of Matchmaking at Tawkify, if your date has already postponed your meet-up once, there’s a good chance they’ll do it again. “Avoidant types have trouble solidifying plans,” Armet previously told Elite Daily. “Interestingly, you’ll also see the same ‘postponement’ mentality in people who have commitment issues. That can emerge deeper into relationships. Odds would say for these types: they’ll flake on you.” So basically, you shouldn’t get dressed up in your best outfit if the person taking you out has asked for a rain check in the past.

Another sign your date is probably going to flake: They’re difficult to get a hold of the day of the date. If you haven’t heard from them at least an hour before your date, then you might want to wait before curling your eyelashes. And if you want to make sure you’re not stood up, Armet suggested texting or calling your date ahead of time to make sure they’re still on board.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
visualspace/E+/Getty Images

Of course, the reason glamboozling stings so bad doesn’t just have to do with wasting a good hair day. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, previously told Elite Daily, when a date cancels on you, it can ignite feelings of vulnerability, whether it’s your first date or your 100th date with someone. You might feel as though your date doesn’t value your time or prioritize your relationship, no matter how serious that relationship may be, and that’s not a great feeling.

My advice: If you’re glamboozled, find an opportunity to show off your outfit anyway. Rather than sulking, the best way to beat this dating trend is to call up a friend and make other plans. You can’t always prevent a date from being canceled last minute, but you can decide how you’re going to react.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

8 Guys to Avoid in Online Dating

The best part about using dating apps is you’ll have the opportunity to date every day if you like, and there’s no doubt about it that no two dates will be the same. When you’re searching for love online, you’ll find men from every walk of life and varied personal backgrounds — that means you will also encounter the spectrum of different personality types.

Many single women who use online dating sites and apps report they have, on occasion, come across badly behaved guys online or when they arrived at the IRL date. Here are eight types of guys you should look out for — and avoid.

1. The Cheap Guy

Dating can be expensive, and no guy wants to break the bank and go to fancy restaurants without a return on his investment. But there are creative and affordable ways to go on dates. For example, you can get to know someone over a cup of soup or pizza at lunch, and if it works out, you can schedule a second date.

However, you might come across someone who doesn’t want to invest in a date. Typically, these guys suggest meeting for coffee, which represents an inexpensive date and a quick “out” if they don’t feel any chemistry.

Dating is a commitment of both time and resources. It takes time to get to know someone, so I’m not a fan of coffee dates. I’ll give you a few examples of coffee dates gone bad from my experience as a dating coach.

On one date, a guy suggested meeting for coffee and brought his own bottle of water. He refused to order a $4 coffee for his date or even buy her water when he arrived. It showed a complete lack of respect for the woman he had invited for coffee. In that case, the woman cut the date short and left.

Photo of a man with a piggy bank

On another date, a guy ordered his coffee from his Starbuck’s app in advance, so by the time his date arrived, he was happily sipping his cup of java. He could have sent her a text asking what she’d like to order, but made it clear they were going Dutch, or she’d be going home thirsty. She asked him why he didn’t offer to order her a coffee, and he replied with “I pre-ordered mine.” She opted to leave.

The guy another dater was meeting sent a text saying he had arrived, and the woman sent a reply that she was three minutes away and asked that he order her a latte. He said OK, and when she arrived, he had ordered the smallest size for less than $3 for her and ordered the largest size for over $4.50 for himself.

He also ordered food for himself in advance, including a croissant and banana because, he told her, he was hungry. In total, he spent $8 on himself for three items and $2.75 for her. As she sipped her small coffee, shaking her head in disbelief, she wondered why he hadn’t ordered the same size beverage for both of them. Needless to say, it was another one-and-done date.

When it comes to coffee dates, if you’d like to have a more meaningful conversation with someone, I suggest making the investment and going to a casual cafe. I’d also carefully vet the person on the phone in advance to avoid disappointment.

2. The Angry Guy

When I’m reading through profiles in search of matches, I often come across a profile of someone who sounds like they have a chip on their shoulder. Usually, their profile comes with a disclaimer, which is a big red flag.

A woman I know said she encountered one disclaimer that had written in capital letters “You are not authorized to share, reprint, or use my profile for any reason, and if I find out that you do, I will report you and get you banned.”

Photo of an angry man

I find this to be arrogant and offensive. If someone views your profile and thinks you’d be a good fit for a friend of theirs, why not let them make the introduction on your behalf? This verbiage gave the impression that her potential date would be an angry and threatening guy, so she took a pass.

Another profile said “Don’t contact me if you aren’t thin, don’t look like your profile photos, and lie about anything at all, including your age.” Since he gave a list of reasons not to contact him, his message was clear, and the woman didn’t. She wondered whether she would have been on the receiving end of his criticism if she’d gone on a date with him.

3. The Donnie Downer

It’s not unusual to get online dating fatigue or dating burnout if you’ve been swiping left and aren’t connecting with anyone. But you need to bring your A game to every date; you need to push the restart button and start anew.

Photo of a sad man

A few profiles I’ve viewed were over 500 words long — way too long-winded. Some people talk about how awful online dating has been for them, while others say they haven’t met anyone yet worth pursuing IRL. One person even said they had trust issues after getting out of a relationship with a partner who had cheated on them.

None of these rants belongs on a dating profile or should be discussed on a phone date or first date. If you come across a profile that has someone talking about losing their job, how their ex ran off with the neighbor, or how they’ve been depressed, take a pass and find someone who will be happy about meeting you.

4. The Narcissist

Occasionally, you’ll meet someone online who acts superior to others. These guys think so much of themselves that they will think very little of you.

Photo of a man looking at himself in the mirror

An example would be someone who is vain and says they’re a great catch because they’re handsome and are financially secure. This person will brag about their Ferrari and exotic vacations they’ve been on because it’s all about them.

You’ll rarely see them talk about the desire for a “we” because it’s all about “me.” These guys are charming but live in a fantasy world. It’s quite likely they can’t afford the lease payments on the Ferrari, or they’ve borrowed a friend’s car for a photo opp.

5. The Hookup Guy

Most singles are looking for meaningful relationships. In fact, in the Match Ninth Annual Singles in America Study, researchers found 75% of singles in the study said they are hopeful about finding love, with only 9% of singles looking to date casually.

Photo of a couple in bed

However, women often fear men are looking for a hookup, and, depending on which apps they are on or whether they’ve received a random dick pick, they have reason to worry.

If a man’s profile mentions sex, or if he comments on your photo and says you’re sizzling hot, chances are he’s looking for a hookup. Other signs include scheduling a late-night date, so if someone wants to meet for a drink at 10 p.m., make sure you’re unavailable.

6. The Classic Player

Finding a Casanova online isn’t unusual. He’s the guy who makes you feel like you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and he’s as handsome as can be. He exudes confidence and sexuality, and if you meet, you may melt in his arms like butter.

The problem with this sexy guy is he will probably have you in rotation. You’ll never know for sure if you’re the Friday night date or the Saturday night date, but you’ll never get both nights in the weekend because his date card is full.

Photo of a man with two women

If you ask him if he’s seeing anyone else, the Classic Player will get defensive and tell you he’s so wrapped up with work these days and spending all of his free time with you.

If you become sexually involved, he’ll bolt in the morning for a “family event” and never take down his profile. Even if his romantic, over-the-top date night with you included saying he thinks he’s falling in love with you, it’s the line he uses to bed you and leave you.

7. The One Who isn’t Over His Ex

They say when one door closes, another opens. While I find that to be true, others say to get over someone you need to get under someone else.

When you meet someone who isn’t over his ex, you’ve got a living ghost in your relationship and are in a no-win love triangle. The tell-tale signs are quite obvious: He has photos of her everywhere on social media or on his phone; he is still connected on Facebook and Instagram; and he starts comparing you to her.

Time does heal, and it’s essential to find out if the person you’re meeting with is ready to date. For some, it’s immediate because the previous relationship was on a downward slant for a long time, and they mourned the loss as it was ending.

Photo of a man crying with a wedding ring

For others who have been jilted by an ex, they may still have them on a pedestal, and you might fear they could get back together again. Wondering how you’re matching up to the one who got away can make you feel anxious, and that is unhealthy.

On a dating profile, men often say they’ve just become single after a long relationship ended. On one dating profile I reviewed, a man had written in the first line that he knew the moment he met his ex-wife on their first date that he was going to marry her.

While that sounds romantic, and you can wonder if that would happen to you, it’s a clear sign that he’s not over her, and even though she’s gone, you could end up in the second position in his heart.

8. The Rescheduler

There are many reasons why people have to reschedule that are valid. Some include a business trip, a funeral, or a child who has the flu. In these cases, it’s important to show compassion and reschedule a firm date to get together when the dust settles.

However, there are a group of men who are on dating sites for the ego boost. They want to see likes on their photos by women. They love swiping right to get a mutual match on Tinder or Bumble, and they schedule dates with you that they have no intention of going on.

Photo of date night on a calendar

Perhaps they’re still in a relationship that’s about to run its course, and they want to check out the options. Or they have a habit of digital window shopping. In either case, you’ve got an unavailable man on your hands, and aren’t you worth meeting someone who has a clean slate just like you do?

Remember to Watch Your Behavior, Too, and Realize That There are Other Fish in the Dating Sea

If you meet someone who fits the description of any of these personality types, know that you’re not alone. And, if you heed our advice and take swift and determined action, you’ll be dodging a bullet. Once that’s resolved, don’t worry. With millions of singles dating online, it’s just a matter of time before you meet someone respectful and kind who is worthy of a woman with your qualities.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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The Dos and Don’ts of a One-Night Stand

Have you ever had a night out with your girls and wanted to take a guy home later for some real action? Well, I haven’t. But that’s only because I’m not into smashing and dashing. But there are plenty of women who are—they just don’t know how to go about doing it.

Have no fear, because I’m going to give you a few tips on having a successful one-night stand. Hey, just because I don’t do one-night stands, it doesn’t mean I don’t know what you should or shouldn’t do. Trust me, living vicariously through my friends has come in handy. Alas, here are the rules:

Do be safe

Having sex with a complete stranger is one of the riskiest things one can do. Your number one priority in a one-night stand is to make sure you’re safe before all the fun begins.

This means, make sure at least one of your friends know your whereabouts (iPhone has made it easy with sharing your location), and stay strapped—don’t depend on him for condoms. Bring your own.

Don’t rely on beer googles

Too many times we think a guy is cute after having one too many. If you’re going to be knocking back shots of Jameson all night, make sure you pick out your guy first. That way, you’ll know that he’s actually attractive and it isn’t the whiskey talking.

Do be honest

If you’re going to do this, be honest in knowing that you’re entering a sex-only zone. Know that he won’t be calling you after this and there will be no strings attached. If you’re all about the fun and not the feelings, do the damn thing! If not, step away from your thoughts.

As for him: Though it doesn’t seem common, there are some guys who are looking for more than a smash and dash. Be honest in telling him what you’re looking for, or in this case, what you’re not looking for. If he seems like the clingy type, GET OUT.

Don’t do it if too drunk

If you’re down to hit it and quit it, chances are you want to remember the experience. Drinking alcohol will lessen the nerves, but don’t get too drunk. No one wants a sloppy sex partner. And like I previously stated, you want a night to remember.

Do get out fast

You’ve both been drinking, which ultimately led you two to the bed. But when the morning comes, so does logical thoughts. Before you can even give yourself a chance to ask, “WTF just happened?” or “Who are you?” just go.

There’s nothing worse than embarrassment and regret, and not to mention, that notorious walk of shame. Make sure you keep a get-out-quick scheme in your back pocket.

Do follow-up

If you exchanged numbers with your hook-up, send him a quick, little courtesy text, telling him how much fun you had. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don’t leave anything behind

Before darting out of there, make sure you have all of your belongings. Double, even triple check for everything you came with. And last but certainly not least:

Don’t try to take it further

Well, this is a tricky one. If you’re feeling the chemistry between you and there can possibly be something more than sex, by all means, go for it—just not while you’re in bed the morning after.

You guys just had a wild night of random fun, don’t ruin it with serious talk. Wait after a few dates to spring it on him. But if he seems the least bit interested, GO THE OTHER WAY.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

If he is the right guy, he will treat you with respect. If he doesn’t he simply is not the guy for you.

Love is simply not enough to maintain a relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. If he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. Remember those disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) are never able to survive the test of time. Every couple has arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. If he disrespects you then the signs are always there.

What does respect mean in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship does not amount to subjugation of one partner by the other. It actually means admiring one another and understanding each other in such a way that differences of opinions do not disrupt the health of the relationship. Both the partners are able to appreciate one another’s perspective on life and do not impose anything on each other, because the relationship is characterized by mutual respect.

There are signs he disrespects you

Why do men disrespect women?

First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behavior in a man towards a woman.

  • Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
  • Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
  • There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them

If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel exactly the opposite. We give you 13 signs which will convince you that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who is controlling in nature. In fact, a relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or keep your dignity intact by walking out of the relationship.

1. You doubt your potential because of him

Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by disregarding your thoughts and opinions. You keep questioning your dreams, your future and your life all day long, which is a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.

2. He seems distracted when you talk to him

Whenever you get the opportunity to talk to him, you do so enthusiastically and expect him to pay attention to you. But if you often notice that he seems distracted when you talk to him and he hardly seems interested to hear your opinions, then it means he is failing to respect you. Getting your husband listen to you seems like a mammoth task because he clearly is not interested in you. This is downright disrespectful behavior.

There are signs he disrespects you

3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises

A disrespectful man will not make any efforts to keep his promises to you and will disappoint you again and again. He will keep forgetting things you had told him to do, like calling you back when he is free or meeting you somewhere. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life.

4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams

No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation.

5. You hardly have any personal space and time

At times, if he surprises you by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often and keeps continuous tabs on you, then there is something definitely wrong with him. Your man might actually not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign he disrespects you.

6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies

His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled. The center of his universe is himself and he does not bother about how he behaves with you. Your partner admires himself and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time.

7. Your boyfriend does not apologize

When it comes to apologizing to you for his mistakes, he is absolutely stubborn. He does not admit his mistakes and probably starts blaming you for everything that is wrong. In order to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong.

8. He becomes super secretive around you

In a relationship, it is extremely essential that both partners remain honest to one another. Then only will the relationship last long. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must not tolerate this.

There are signs he disrespects you

9. You are forced to transform yourself

Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you really are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. It means he is not valuing you and you are also disregarding yourself. Everything in a relationship is not worth compromising on.

10. He looks down on you in front of other people

As a partner, he should make sure that only your good qualities and positive attitude is highlighted in front of the other people. But if your man does not pay attention to you, looks down upon you, portrays you as a stupid person and acts as if you embarrass him in front of others, then he definitely does not respect you. He is one selfish spouse and he does not deserve your love and care.

11. There is lack of commitment from his side

When problems arise in your relationship, you do all you can to sort them out, because you value your relationship. However, your man will not show genuine commitment to the relationship but lets things pass, because the relationship and you are not his priority. It seems that you give your 100%, but he does not even give his 10% to make the relationship work smoothly.

12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give silent treatment to you

Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of resentment and to give you an opportunity to clear the misunderstanding. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behavior, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.

sad couple sitting

13. He flirts with others in front of you

You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him any more.

If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

20 Things All Men Want Their Girlfriends To Stop Doing

When you get into a relationship, you start noticing your boyfriend’s habits, both good and bad and massive and small. The fact that he always forgets to turn the dishwasher on or he keeps buying more sparkling water when there’s a ton in the fridge? Those are two pretty small things and not a big deal at all. But there are other aspects of his behavior that are a lot more important, like how he feels about committing to you.

Just like you want your BF to be nice and have positive habits, he wants the same for you. The truth is that men have a list of relationship grievances that they would really prefer not to see on a regular basis.

Here are 20 things that all men want their girlfriends to stop doing.

20. Texting Your Friends While Hanging With Him

When you’re hanging out with your boyfriend, he really doesn’t want you to be on your phone… and he really, really doesn’t want you texting your friends. This is one of those things that literally everyone seems to do since it doesn’t seem rude.

But it is pretty rude, right? It’s no wonder that guys aren’t big on this.

19. Complaining All The Time

Does anyone like a complainer? No, definitely not, but guys especially don’t enjoy having girlfriends who complain all the time.

You could feel that you have totally legit reasons to be negative, like that one friend who never shows up for dinner plans on time. But to your BF, this is frustrating, and he doesn’t want to hear such negativity.

 

18. Taking Two Hours To Put On Makeup And Do Your Hair

Of course, it’s fun to put on makeup and attempt a new hairstyle (or the same hairstyle and lipstick that you always go for). Is it fun for your boyfriend to have to wait two hours for this beauty magic to happen?

Not so much… which is why this is something else that all men want their girlfriends to stop doing.

17. Bugging Him To Propose Already

It can feel frustrating to watch the months and years tick by and realize that you still don’t have an engagement ring on your finger. However, bugging a guy to propose isn’t going to work.

Men also want their girlfriends to stop asking when they’re going to pop the question and generally bringing this up in an awkward way.

16. Two Words: Couple Selfies

To you, couple selfies are the most adorable thing that you could post. You want to see the positive comments and show that you have such a cute boyfriend.

To your boyfriend, these are annoying. And not something that he wants to be a part of. All men want their girlfriends to stop taking and posting couple photos. They would really love for these selfies to disappear.

15. Two More Words: ‘It’s Fine’

All men definitely want their girlfriends to stop saying “I’m fine.” This is a cliche statement that doesn’t really work.

While it’s tempting to say this in the middle of an argument, it’s not going to deliver the results that you want. Instead of convincing your BF that everything’s cool, he’s just going to be mad that you’re not being honest with him.

 

14. Spilling Secrets (And Anything Else) To Your BFFs

It’s awesome to have a close group of friends, and of course, your BFFs are the people who you want to share so many things with. The problem is that while you have no problem spilling your boyfriend’s secrets (and anything else about your relationship), he’s not that comfy with this. All men want their girlfriends to keep these things to themselves.

13. Calling Him Bae Or Other Annoying Slang

Relationship slang like “bae” has gotten super popular over the past few years, so much so that you honestly think nothing of using these terms.

While you love them and think that they’re adorable, your boyfriend isn’t quite on the same page. When it comes to what men would love for their girlfriends to stop doing, using slang is on the list as well.

 

12. Social Media Oversharing

Your social media followers don’t really need to know every detail of the relationship that you’re in. And yet some people honestly don’t even think twice about oversharing on these platforms.

It’s safe to say that guys aren’t into these kinds of posts and really wish that their girlfriends would refrain from doing this.

11. Inviting Him Out With Your Friends

In super rare cases, a guy will be happy to go out with his girlfriend and her group of friends. It’s much more likely that he doesn’t want to do this at all.

It’s just like how you don’t want to head out with him and his friends. You just don’t get along or you don’t have enough in common, and everyone feels awkward or left out.

 

10. Saying His Mom Doesn’t Like You

Men don’t want their girlfriends to say that their mom dislikes them. It might be the truth. She could be so rude to you. But you should honestly never bring this up.

It’s important to have a good relationship with his family if you’re going to be with him forever, and yet you can’t really convince him that his mom isn’t the nicest person unless he tells you that himself.

9. Getting Angry That He’s Not A Mind Reader

All men would love for their girlfriends to stop expecting them to be mind readers. This happens a lot during fights or when you want him to understand what he did to make you so upset.

Many couples would love being able to read each other’s minds. It would definitely make things a lot easier. Unfortunately, that’s just not a thing. Sure, you don’t want to spell things out for him, but in this case, you totally should.

 

8. Buying Clothes For Him

You could find the nicest hoodie ever, buy it, bring it home, and your boyfriend could still shake his head and say that you shouldn’t have gotten it for him.

A lot of guys don’t want their girlfriends to buy clothing for them since it makes them feel like they’re incapable of doing that themselves. No guy wants their girlfriend to be their personal shopper.

7. Being In A Bad Mood For No Reason

It’s true that sometimes, you’re just not in a good mood. You can’t shake it, you can’t explain it… but you can stop moping around the house and annoying your BF.

The truth is that when you spend all day long being super unhappy, it changes the energy around you and it doesn’t make your boyfriend very happy, either. He would love for you to stop being in a bad mood for no reason at all. It just confuses him.

 

6. Nagging Him And Wishing You Could Change Him

Men don’t want to be changed by the women who they are dating. What’s something that they dislike even more? When their girlfriends nag them to change.

Sure, it could be true that he should dress better or stop using his phone so much. But he doesn’t want to hear these things from the person who loves him. It’s just all kinds of awkward and makes him feel bad.

5. Saying That You’re Bored

Sure, everyone gets bored. But everyone also finds it totally annoying when someone tells them that they’re bored.

Guys want their girlfriends to stop saying that they’re bored, and if you’re in the habit of this, it would definitely be good to stop (and find something interesting to do instead of repeating this over and over again).

 

4. Wanting Him To Stop Seeing Certain Friends

You have a right to dislike some of your boyfriend’s friends. Do you have a right to tell him to stop hanging out with them? Not really.

You wouldn’t love if he told you the same thing about your own social circle, so it’s probably best to steer clear of this type of conversation. Just don’t hang out with them and everything should be fine.

3. Texting Him Too Much When He’s At The Office

There’s a time and place for texting. It can be great to text your boyfriend so you can keep in contact with each other during the day (and maybe say some super cute things to each other, too).

But guys don’t enjoy their girlfriends texting them when they’re busy at the office and have a ton of deadlines and tasks on their plate.

 

2. The Silent Treatment

If men want their girlfriends to stop saying “I’m fine” then they definitely want to stop getting the silent treatment.

What seems like a smart and effective thing to do during an argument is actually super immature and even kind of silly. It doesn’t accomplish anything. Guys would be happy if their girlfriends would stop doing this, that’s for sure.

1. Moving Too Fast

Men also want their girlfriends to stop moving too fast. It’s hard not to want to do this when you like someone so much and if you’re a hopeless romantic.

But guys know that sometimes, moving fast can mean not seeing what’s actually going on or not getting to know each other enough. If girlfriends could stop doing these 20 things, relationships would be a lot smoother (but, of course, you could say that there are things that boyfriends do that aren’t the best).

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly