If You’re Losing Hope About Finding Love, This Advice Is A Must-Read

As someone who spent the vast majority of her life single, I know how fun it can be. That being said, I also know firsthand what losing hope about finding love can feel like. Spoiler: It’s not great.

For those of you who haven’t been there, let me paint you a picture. You’ve been single for what feels like forever. The last person you met was really great and you even saw a future with them. The two of you continued to see each other for weeks, months, or maybe even years until you mustered up the courage to tell them how you felt. At that point, they offered up some excuse about why they’re not looking for anything serious. This wouldn’t be quite so tragic if this was the first time this ever happened. Unfortunately, that’s not the case here. In fact, different versions of this same story have happened to you so often that you’ve resigned to the idea that maybe you were just destined to be single forever. And that thought can be catastrophically painful. I mean, what’s the next step after you’ve given up on love entirely?

Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies who have been there share their best advice for getting your groove back when you’re starting to lose faith in love.

Happy woman hiker doing selfie at the top of Reinebringen hike above Reine village in the Lofoten archipelago, travel to Norway

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Treat your body like the temple that it is.

Start working out, eating healthy, getting 8 hours of sleep most nights, bathing daily, brushing your teeth twice a day, start reading a book at least a little every day and join a club for something you’re interested in. Work on you, put your best foot forward. Stop looking for a man and just gobble up the best life has to offer. Men will find you. Don’t settle for the first one unless he fits. Find someone with aspirations, a good kind sense of humor, intelligence, a clear criminal background and a similar take on life as you.

/u/PhyliA_Dobe

(This advice holds true for relationships with people of all genders, as does every other piece of advice in this story!)

Try changing your perspective for what a partner should be.

My dad told me recently, “You don’t look for a soul mate, you look for a teammate”. It completely changed the way I looked at dating.

/u/Latias

Don’t put so much pressure on marriage.

Stop worrying about it. You don’t need to get married, just concentrate on you!

/u/WeeRower

Enjoy life.

Enjoy the f*ck out of your life. For all you know, you get one go on this planet and i for one would feel like i wasn’t doing that justice by being sad about not having a man.

Sure it sucks sometimes. But he’s more likely to come a long if you’re enjoying all that life has to offer. He’s more likely to be compatible with you too.

/u/LokisLocksmith

Outdoor portrait of beautiful happy mixed race biracial African American girl teenager female young woman smiling with perfect teeth wearing a blue hoodie

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Live in the now.

When I was going through that, I just put it in the back of my mind and did what I could to help myself be happy in the moment. I spent a lot of time with my closest friends and worked on developing those relationships.

/u/NinjaShira

Consider your alternative.

I mean I get down about it from time to time, but I do tell myself it’s better than being in a miserable relationship. That is a lot more stressful.

/u/innerjoy2

Become the best possible version of yourself.

Enjoy your own company. Make yourself the most interesting person you know and like doing things by yourself. Because you never know, even if you find a partner, if they will be around for the rest of your life so might as well make the only person you’re guaranteed to have (yourself) fun and awesome.

/u/Alexander_dgreat

Find a hobby.

Hobbies. Hobbies. Hobbies. Then finding social outlets for those hobbies. And everything else just happens on its own.

/u/anzuj

At the end of the day, all you can do is be grateful for the life you have and the people you are surrounded by. Make the most of what you’ve got.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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11 Mistakes That Will Tank Your First Date

Going on a first date can feel like walking a tightrope: You’re trying to impress her without coming on too strong—or worse, looking desperate. You want to seem smart but not condescending. Funny but not obnoxious. You don’t want to talk about trivial matters, but at the same time, know you can’t delve into anything too serious. Politics, religion, and past partners are all off the table. There are so many rules!

While you’re in your head trying to figure out what to say (and wondering if you fully wiped off all that spaghetti sauce from your beard), you also need to actively listen to your date in order to respond appropriately. If you don’t respond well to what she’s saying, then the date is surely going to be a bust.

This is why a lot of guys get nervous on a first date and end up blowing it. Not to worry, we spoke with a few relationship experts about the most common mistakes guys make on a first date, and how to avoid them. While some of these mistakes may seem trivial, but let’s face it: It’s a first date. You don’t get a lot of leeway to mess things up when there’s no established relationship.

With that in mind, here’s how to avoid 11 common first date mistakes so you can ace your first impression—and schedule a second date before the waiter brings out dessert. (And if you’re struggling to come up with a solid first date idea, check out our list of 40 first date ideas that will make you look like a creative genius.)

1. Keep Your Hands to Yourself

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You might think that touching her a lot on the first date shows that you’re into her. Not the case, says relationship expert April Masini of AskApril.com. What you’re actually showing her is that you’re super-touchy on every first date. Way to make a girl feel special, right?

Avoid the pitfall: “On a first date, touch should be limited and only natural, friendly, and warm—not sexual,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. In other words, it’s fine to take her hand to help her out of your car, or put your hand on her lower back to lead her through a crowded restaurant. But don’t drape your arm around her neck and hold her close the entire time.

2. Make It a Two-Way Conversation

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Sure, you have to tell her about yourself, but dominating the conversation by rambling about your life will make you look narcissistic. Or worse: By not showing any interest in her, it can seem like you’re just waiting for the date to be over so you can get her into bed, Dr. Lieberman says.

Avoid the pitfall: What will impress her even more than learning about your accomplishments is seeing that you’re genuinely interested in hearing about her. If you’re not sure where to start, her job is usually a good bet. “Women love knowing that you take their work and ambitions seriously,” Dr. Lieberman says. “Ask her about what made her go into her career, and what she plans or wants to accomplish. Find out why it’s important to her.”

3. Don’t Drop the F-Bombs

Portra

Some women may love bad boys, but swearing like a sailor doesn’t make you Charlie Hunnam. “Cursing gets old very quickly,” Dr. Lieberman says. “It makes it look like you’re trying to be cool.”

Avoid the pitfall: This one is easy: Curb the cursing habit now, in anticipation of all your future first dates (and job interviews, and other non-sailing situations), Dr. Lieberman says. It’s too difficult to just turn off a habit for a few hours, so eliminate four-letter words from your everyday vocabulary.

4. Leave Your Rolodex at Home

Merlas

If you spend the date dropping names, as in: “I know the guy who created Angry Birds,” or “I text Jason Mamoa,” then you sound like a try-hard who needs celebrity clout to impress her. (But hey, could we get Jason’s number?) And if you tell long stories about your friends and their shenanigans, you’ll bore her to death.

Avoid the pitfall: Check yourself before you name-drop—it almost never sounds good, Masini says. As for that story about your buddies’ epic trip to Tijuana, save reliving your glory days for when you’re back together with them.

5. Be a Gentleman

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Women today don’t need over-the-top chivalry, but that doesn’t mean you should slack on your manners. Letting the door slam in her face, talking down to waiters, and spending the entire date glued to your phone are all behaviors that she won’t find attractive.

Avoid the pitfall: “No matter how modern she is, a woman wants doors held open for her,” Dr. Lieberman says. “She also wants you to have good table manners.” At the very least, you should try to be the gentleman your mother raised you to be. And a general rule for every date: Stay off your phone.

6. Curb Any Excessive Enthusiasm

William Perugini

Giddiness doesn’t read as enthusiasm on a first date—it reads as anxiety, according to psychologist Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. “You end up sending the message that you’re uncomfortable with yourself, and unable to self-regulate,” Thomas explains. In other words, you look like a nervous wreck, and she’s going to bail.

Avoid the pitfall: If you tend to get too giddy, plan a date with a distraction so that you’re not on the spot for suave conversation the entire time, Dr. Lieberman says. Some good options to take the pressure off: a play or a concert. You’ll still have the opportunity to talk, just not as much.

7. Go for (Non-offensive) Jokes

Anchiy

Joking around with your date is a great way to break the ice. Women like funny guys. Men like funny guys. Everyone likes funny guys. Humor is an excellent tool. But, don’t go overboard. If you start getting heavy into politics, non-PC humor, or negging, she’s going to ask for the check and run like the wind.

Avoid the pitfall: Keep the humor light. Find out something you both agree on. For instance, maybe you both think Frasier is a pretentious and terrible show. Joke about that together. If she loves Colbert, make some Colbert-style jokes. If she likes your funny voices, joke with her. Don’t get out of control and start ranting and raving about Jill Stein or how much you love Bernie Sanders on a first date. Funny can quickly spiral into “bonkers” territory.

8. Don’t be Weird About Splitting the Bill

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Don’t buckle down on not allowing her to split the bill with you. We live in a society where we can have egalitarian partnerships. We’re all making money, it’s OK for partners to split the bill. If a person really wants to, consider letting her. If you’d like to pick up the check, be polite about it.

Avoid the pitfall: If it’s a first date, let them know that you’d really like to treat her. Explain that you’re totally willing to go dutch on your next date, but since they agreed to spend her evening with you, you’d like to get this one. If they are really insistent, don’t be weird about it. Just split the bill. It’s not a test. They just want to be equals and establish boundaries. And remember, just because you buy dinner does not, in any way, mean a person owes you anything; not a hug, a kiss, or sex.

9. Resist Bringing Your Resumé

Dark Horse

Arrogance is really just your insecurity showing, Dr. Lieberman says. You may feel like you need to emphasize the parts of your background that scream “elite” to impress her. But flashing possessions or dropping “one time at Princeton” into the conversation too many times just makes you look like an asshole.

Avoid the pitfall: As a general rule, first-date conversations shouldn’t include talk about anything too superficial unless there’s a good reason for it to come up. For example, it’s fine to tell her you went to Harvard Law only if you’re talking about how brutal Massachusetts winters are.

10. Don’t Be a Schlub

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It’s not as harsh as it sounds: Chances are she just thinks you need to work on your grooming. Most guys can look decent if they invest in a good haircut, do some manscaping, and dress well, Masini says.

Avoid the pitfall: Take heart in the fact that you don’t have to work nearly as hard as she does to prepare for a date. But that doesn’t mean you can skip the basics: showering, shaving, and spritzing on cologne. Wear a simple-yet-polished outfit like dark jeans, a blazer, and loafers, and you’ll look put-together without seeming like you’re trying too hard. (For more guidance, check out what to wear on a first date.)

11. Offer a Polite Compliment

Petri Oeschger

If you start off with some comment on how great her legs look in that skirt, she’s not going to be into it. She will be immediately put off. Comments on appearance have to be given with finesse or you’ll start the evening (or end it) on the wrong note.

Avoid the pitfall: Stick to gentlemanly compliments. You’re safe with, “You look really nice tonight,” or “Wow, I know we’ve been out a few times already, but it feels like you get more beautiful every single time I see you.” If your date is not a person who enjoys compliments on her appearance, go for a cool line like, “I can’t get enough of your laugh.” Everyone likes to know they are appreciated, but you have to be self-aware enough to offer the right phrasing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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9 Brutally Honest Reasons Why You Never Heard From That Guy Again

These big mistakes had him searching for the nearest exit.

Have you ever gone out on a date with a man you really liked? You were certain you both clicked.

Things went well, and you went home hoping for him to call you for a second date… But he just kind of disappeared after that. Or maybe he trailed off, contacted you a few more times, then stopped.

When men disappear, it’s no accident.

What you don’t realize is that you may be putting out unconscious signals that are sending him running for the hills.

If you can’t seem to ever get a guy to call you again after you go on a date, it’s time to look at what might be happening under the surface you don’t know about.

Here are 9 brutal reasons why you never hear from guys again after a date.

1. He wasn’t that invested in you in the first place.

Sometimes, men will spend time with a woman with no real intention of ever having a long-term relationship with her. In those cases, when your time is up, it’s up. The relationship was never going anywhere anyway, and you’re better off without him.

It’s not always necessarily because of how you are, what you said, or what you did. It’s just where his head is at — or is not at, more importantly.

2. You hinted that you’re a baby ticking time bomb.

Any sniff of baby fever in the “get to know you” stages, and he’s out. Men usually take a bit longer than women to emotionally invest themselves, and if you lay all that baby stuff on them too soon, you can fall into the mistake of putting too much pressure on the relationship. It’ll freak him out.

When a man decides to go out with you, it’s because he’s thinking about how you will make his life better and more fun initially. A baby-obsessed woman can scare the even most loyal man away.

3. You mentioned that you want to get married — soon.

This is a bit like the baby ticking time bomb and just as lethal. If a man hears about what sort of flowers you want at your wedding day or who might get an invitation before he’s emotionally invested, he’ll run for cover.

Avoid this one like the plague, and save the wedding conversations for a later date. Because if he’s a commitment-phobe, this is sure to get rid of him.

4. You acted like one of the guys.

Men love women because of what women can offer that a man does not possess himself. Women who play games, act like they don’t need him, or have the “I can do it myself” mentality sometimes come across masculine in their behavior.

Acting this way is unattractive to men and will plummet his attraction to you to below zero.

5. You emasculated him.

Men want a woman who makes him feel good about himself. He wants a woman who brings out the best version of him. If you do the opposite, then you’re heading in the wrong direction.

Men like to feel like the man in the relationship. They need to feel needed. They need to feel wanted and desired by you.

So, pay attention to how you treat him or act around him. Is your attitude and behavior making him feel good?

Men like to do nice things for you, so let him — even if you feel like you could do it all by yourself. It’s food for the soul to a man when he can provide, protect, and take care of you.

6. You did all the work.

Men aren’t attracted to a woman who asks him out, calls him, texts him, and then dictates the terms of the relationship to make sure he won’t run away.

He’ll tolerate it, but he probably isn’t as invested in the outcome as you are.

7. Dating you was too much like hard work.

Being hard and independent can sometimes be a turn-off to men. How can he fit in when you’re always too busy and too hard to accept love, kindness, and adoration?

If you feel your hard side is letting you down, maybe it’s time to lighten up and let him in.

8. He has his own issues.

Understand that sometimes men disappear because of their own stuff. Maybe he just got out of a relationship and is getting back on his feet, or love burned him in the past and he can’t face another relationship right now.

Maybe his ex was controlling in his last relationship, and now he just wants to enjoy his freedom. This is the most dangerous guy to lurk with.

Although these men can come across as a “good guy with potential,” there’s a catch: He’s not in the right space to give you what you need. You must let him go if he’s not stepping up as the kind of boyfriend you need.

9. Your “crazy chick” side came out.

You’re confident until you get him, then all your insecurities and self-doubt come out to play. You get jealous, start fights, or create a drama.

You’ll do anything to sabotage that relationship, and the more you love him and the better he treats you, the worse it gets. Remember, this behavior is getting you nowhere. Keep the crazy chick at bay.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

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What is the Hinge dating app, and how does it work?

From Tinder and Bumble to Grindr and OkCupid, there are dating apps galore for those who want love at their fingertips. Hinge is a lesser-known app that can easily get lost in the sea of options, but it’s still worth taking note of its special approach. Who knows? Maybe Hinge is the dating app for you.

For starters, Hinge is swipe-free. Focused less on mindlessly flipping through options and more on cultivating relationships, this app isn’t intended for casual hookups. It is, as the website states, “designed to be deleted.”

Here’s everything you need to know about the Hinge app and how it works.

What is the Hinge dating app?

Most dating apps are more or less set up the same way but with minor tweaks. However, Hinge boasts a pretty unique interface. Here’s a breakdown of all its features.

Hinge

Beyond the pictures

The dating app experience is nearly synonymous with swiping—so much so that “swipe left” is now slang for finding someone unattractive. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, mechanically swiping on human beings (often solely based on their looks) can be a little dehumanizing and lonely. It certainly isn’t the most ideal way to find a partner. That’s why Hinge ditched the classic swiping mechanic in 2015 in favor of scrolling through profiles. The app encourages users to focus more on personality traits rather than just photos. Judging from the fact that Hinge got more shoutouts in the New York Times wedding section in 2017 than Tinder and Bumble, this method seems to be working.

Furthermore, Hinge collects a lot more data than, say, Tinder. It allows people to emphasize which “filters,” or traits, are most important to them (e.g., religion or height). This allows the app’s algorithm to find more personalized and suitable matches. Once per day, this algorithm will pick out your “Most Compatible” match, ideally making it a teeny bit easier for you to find your soulmate.

Beyond the screen

Hinge also tries to combat the difficulties posed by a tech-based experience. The impersonal feel of an app makes it far too easy to ghost whoever’s on the other end of the algorithm. To discourage this kind of behavior and to aid the forgetful, Hinge introduced an anti-ghosting feature. “Your Turn” reminds users to respond to messages they’ve left sitting in their inboxes. The developers also made an effort to consider life beyond the app. The “We Met” feature allows users to provide valuable feedback on actual dates they went on with their matches, which aids the algorithm for future pairings.

All in all, Hinge is for people looking for a more personal dating app experience. Here’s how to actually use the app.

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Is the Hinge app free?

You can use many of the Hinge app’s features and browse profiles in your area for free. But if you want to get the most out of the app, you’ll want to consider upgrading to the Preferred Hinge membership. The higher-tier option gets you all the features of the free app, plus lets you apply filters on potential matches including “height, whether someone has children, whether someone wants children, politics, drinking, smoking, marijuana, and drug use.” The paid version also saves time by giving you unlimited likes and the option to see everyone who liked you at the same time.

Preferred Hinge membership is offered for $9.99 per month, $19.99 for three months, or $29.99 for six months.

How does the Hinge dating app work?

After setting up your basic profile and photos, you’ll be given an array of personal questions to look at. Choose three of these to answer and display on your profile—keep in mind that these are what will be drawing people in, so pick wisely!

Then, choose all the filters that match up with the type of person you’re looking for, like gender, age, ethnicity, and more. While Hinge is free for everyone, paid tiers offer more filter customization if you have a specific set of desired traits in mind. If there are some filters you’re dead set on, mark those as “dealbreakers” to ensure you come across the right profiles.

Now, it’s time to actually start searching. Go to the “discover” tab on the bottom left of your screen to check out your suggested matches. Then, peruse people’s profiles, liking and commenting on what sticks out to you. If someone doesn’t float your boat, you can choose to pass. Otherwise, you can strike up a conversation and see where that takes you.

Here’s to hoping you find your happily ever after!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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All you need to know before getting into a ‘Friend with Benefits’ Relationship – Pros & Cons

Being in a ‘friend with benefits’ relationship simply means two good friends who have casual sex without being committed or emotionally attached to each other. So many people are beginning to consider being in an FWB relationship since being in a relationship nowadays is becoming more complicated.

Now since you are currently reading this article, it means you’re probably thinking of being a friend with benefits with someone, well, this article is going to explain everything you need to know about an FWB relationship, the pros, the cons, and more.

Pros

It is less stressful:

Whenever you get that horny feeling, it feels good to have someone you like, whom you can call at any time to come fulfill your sexual needs without having to worry about feelings, and you guys can easily move on to other things without stress.

Explore your sexual fantasies:

Being in a friend with benefits relationship is a safe place to experiment and fulfil your sexual fantasies without being judged or getting all awkward. Your FWB partner might not like your wildest fantasies but you both can easily move on with no problems what so ever.

You are allowed to be ‘selfish’:

Since there are no commitments or emotions involved, you are free from being pressured to impress this person. You don’t owe your FWB partner anything and nothing is expected from you. You are free from thinking of what gifts to give, or what delicacy to make in other to keep your partner or how much time and attention you have to give, you’re free to put yourself first.

No Drama:

You can easily flirt with other people without having to worry about a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend going through your phone and summoning the god of thunder to strike you because you’re liking someone else. You are free from annoying arguments and you are not responsible for any heartbreak too, how sweet is that? No guilt, just freedom.

You get your needed space:

There are times when you just feel like being on your own it might be to clear your head or maybe you just need that alone time with yourself, if you are in a relationship, your lover might not understand and might think you are pushing them away, but in an FWB relationship, you don’t even have to ask because you guys only get to see when both of you agree on seeing.

Cons

Feelings might get involved:

You might start liking your FWB partner and most times all the person wants is sex and not a relationship (which was the agreement from the beginning, but well, we’re human), this might hurt you and you might end up making yourself look stupid when you keep trying to make your partner like you back.

It might be hard to move on:

Having sex with someone you like especially when you two both share similar interests or you both know how to satisfy each other sexually, might prevent you from meeting someone else.

Issue of Jealousy:

Since you have no right to stop your FWB from seeing other people since you two aren’t committed to each other, they are allowed to go into a relationship with someone else. This might not sit well with you after all the moments you two shared, you might want the person all to yourself.

It might ruin your friendship:

Once you start having sex with your friend, it might be hard for you two to go back to your original friendship, especially when the FWB relationship ends in a messy way

You might be taken for granted:

Being in a friend with benefits relationship encourages selfishness, disrespect and a lack of responsibility. Your FWB might be a complete jerk and might disregard you at all times, even in public.

Heartbreak:

You might get your heart broken when you start having feelings for your FWB and it is not reciprocal, you would realize you are not built for an FWB relationship but it would be too late then.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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The 21 Best and Worst First Date Questions You Could Possibly Ask

Some guys have a knack for first dates. They can seamlessly navigate conversations, so topics flow from one to the next without any lulls. They effortlessly balance talking about themselves while still learning about their partner. They’re charming, funny, and quick-witted. They just really have it down.

Then there’s the rest of us, who might need a little help on first dates when the prolonged silence with our partner sounds deafening. If you find yourself in a bind on a first date, not sure of what to say, here are 20 questions that should hopefully get you and your partner talking again. These questions aren’t the boring “What do you do for work?” They’re ideal questions to ask if you really want to get to know your partner. (We also provided three bonus questions of what to definitely not ask your partner.)

The Best Questions to Ask on a First Date

1. What’s been your favorite vacation?

Why it’s good to ask: Everyone loves going on vacation and talking about what they did that made it so great,” says Maria Sullivan, Dating Expert and VP of Dating.com. “Asking this question on a first date will open up a conversation about where your date has traveled and if you are both into the same types of vacation destinations.”

2. What’s your dream travel destination?

Why it’s good to ask: “Talking travel really works,” adds Amanda Bradford, founder and CEO of the dating app, The League. “In one study, 18% of couples on first dates who discussed travel wanted to go a second date. In contrast, less than 9% of couples who talked about movies wanted to go out again.”

3. What are you most passionate about?

Why it’s good to ask: “People love discussing the hobbies and pursuits they enjoy,” says Bradford. “If you want to know who someone is, find out what they love.”

4. Are you more of a morning or night person?

Why it’s good to ask: Some people are able to wake up at the crack of dawn while other are able to stay awake until the crack of dawn,” says Sullivan. “Asking your date this question will give you an idea of their daily schedule. For example, are they up early at the gym or up late binge watching their favorite shows?” This can help determine if you two are compatible with one another.

5. Who should play you in the movie of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This fun ‘what-if’ question caters to their ego—and the actor they choose clues you in on how they see themselves,” says Bradford.

6. What’s the most interesting fact you know?

Why it’s good to ask: People are full of interesting facts,” says Sullivan. “This is a fun question to ask to find out what your date knows, and you might even learn something new.” Additionally, everyone loves coming across as interesting. It’s great you’re giving your date the opportunity to do so.

7. Who did you see for your first concert?

Why it’s good to ask: “Music is a great date topic,” explains Bradford. “Prepare to be impressed that they saw Beyonce, or saddened that they saw Nickelback.”

8. What was the best day of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question takes your date back in time to a big life moment that they’ll love reliving,” says Bradford. “It goes much deeper than surface-level chat, and this deeper dive makes you stand out from other guys this person has been going on dates with.”

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

Why it’s good to ask: This question can give you insight into your date’s religion based on the answer, which can be an important part of a relationship,” explains Sullivan. It also opens up to conversation about religion, which yes, could be a lot on a first date, but also might not be. You’ll have to gauge to see if you should take the conversation there.

10. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given someone?

Why it’s good to ask: “They’ll get to brag a bit while feeling very generous,” Bradford says. It’s also a big red flag if they haven’t given anyone anything.

11. What do you love most about your job/career?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question lets you talk about work in a positive, emotionally evocative way, rather than boringly asking, ‘So, what do you do?’” says Bradford.

12. What were you like as a kid?

Why it’s good to ask: “Sharing stories from childhood gives them a chance to be vulnerable by giving you a glimpse of their younger self,” explains Bradford. “You’re helping them connect with you and with their younger self.”

13. What does your ultimate favorite meal consist of?

Why it’s good to ask: “Who doesn’t love food?asks Sullivan. “This question will allow you to figure out what types of food you have in common and if things go well, it can even help you decide where to go on your second date.”

14. What’s your hidden talent?

Why it’s good to ask: “This allows them to show off while sharing a secret—and sharing personal secrets can build trust and connection,” says Bradford.

15. Would you rather…?

Why it’s good to ask: “A first date should be fun, and good ‘Would You Rather’ questions get your date laughing,” Bradford says. “A 2014 study found that women are drawn to men with a sense of humor. Here are some fun examples!” Bradford recommends:

“Would you rather have a snowball fight or a food fight?”

“Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or they walk in on you having sex?”

“Would you rather have eight arms or be a cyclops?”

16. What do you usually do on weekends?

Why it’s good to ask: This question gives you a chance to see if you have matching lifestyles. If your partner’s weekends consist of reading in bed whereas most weekends you’re out at the club drinking with friends, then they might not be the right person for you. If you do have similar weekends, then the conversation will naturally flow from there. For example, if you both like reading, you’ll be able to discuss your favorite books. If you both like going out, you can talk about your favorite bars.

17. What’s on your bucket list?

Why it’s good to ask: This question now only gives you a sense of your partner’s interests, it also provides great ideas for date number two. If you really like them after the first date, sky diving might not be that crazy of idea if that’s something they’ve always wanted to try out.

18. Want to share an embarrassing moment?

Why it’s good to ask: On dates, we try to present the best version of ourselves, as we should, but sometimes, it can get a little too serious and even start to sound a little “braggy.” This question helps you and your partner be vulnerable with one another, breaking down any facades.

The Worst First Date Questions:

1. Why are you single?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Although this question may seem harmless, it may leave your date feeling awkward and unsure how to answer,” she says. It also can be read as an insult. In essence, you’re asking, “So what’s wrong with you?”

2. How many exes do you have?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Asking this personal of a question on a first date can be a big red flag,” she says. “It is important to take your dates privacy into consideration and not ask anything that might make them feel uncomfortable.”

3. How much money do you make?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Someone’s income is not an important piece of information for a first date and may make you seem like you are more interested in money than the actual person,” she explains. “Spend the first date asking questions that will allow you to learn more about your date’s heart, not their wallet.”

 

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Tinder Moments – 18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but why not? These are crazy!

picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

 

18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

Tinder is a place where people should express themselves, because if you’re looking for a partner for sexy time, or a partner for the not-sexy-times too (which we call a relationship), you should just get it over with and show off your weirdest quirks straight away. Right?! Well that’s what these Tinder people did, and… actually maybe I change my mind. Don’t do what these people did, because people (like us) will laugh at your f*cking weird Tinder profiles. Sorry not sorry. Heh heh.

  • 1
    Selfie girl with glasses blur lips tinder- Done Kelly, 20 24 miles away Active 1 week ago About Kelly Im sentient trash. nonbinary femme queer (im not a woman and don't call me one). I like lots of other stuff: bedroom pop, cartoons, food, puppies, aliens, u name it. STRANGEBEAVER.cOm X

  • 2
    picture man wearing backpack in muddy field tinder Mark, 36 McMaster University less than a kilometer away I'm looking for a girl to dress up like Garfield and eat lasagna off my chest. No weirdos. 102 Friends for Common Connections ID

  • 3
    picture girl long red hair tinder Vegan, feminist, I only date guys with muscles and an income. Anti vaxination. I am a vegan. If your not an atheist you need to check yourself. You know my name, not my story. X

  • 4
    picture blonde girl tinder i love me a guy in a fedora:) just kidding if u wear a fedora don't FUCKING message me RECOMME SYDNEY X

  • 5
    picture girl bright orange hair tinder I'm a chubby non-binary vegan queer. I sling vegan baked goods for a living. I reference Harry Potter on the daily. If you're not down for polyamory then we probably won't get along. Xearning ve only make frie e since M

  • 6
    girl wearing glasses red lipstick tinder About Mary Feminist, vegetarian, journalist, music junkie.

  • 7
    tinder messages Perrity YOU MATCHED WITH PERRITY ON 13/2/17. k-konnichiwa cutie chan; 33 *tips fedora and blushes* *hides behind corner waiting for m'lady to respond* Sent Okay wtf is happening Type a Message... Send GIF

  • 8
    guy taking selfie glasses blue shirt tinder- Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched some woman at that party. him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X ored Panda/ Tinder

  • 9
    selfie girl hair tinder Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOOOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the WOOOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is hard

  • 10
    girl taking selfie looking drunk tinder Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X BoredPanda/ Tinder 3

  • 11
    picture girl eating burrito sky tinder - Rachel, 20 1 mile away active 14 minutes ago About Rachel tbh I just want to get some free chipotle out of this

  • 12
    picture pretty girl smiling in tree tinder Megan, 24 37 miles away Active 9 hours ago About Megan I prefer my men out of shape and overly sensitive. X

  • 13
    selfie girl smiling tinder Alessandra, 27 10 miles away Active 1 hour ago I'm married and not interested. I just think Tinder is a fun activity while l poop.
  • 14
    picture girl black hair tinder Nicole, 19 43 miles away Active 41 minutes ago I'm 5'11, and if you couldn't tell I have long brown hair and huge tits

  • 15
    picture blonde girl tinder Chelsea, 23 25 kilometers away Active 1 hour ago If you like celery in soup, I hope you like celery on your children's graves because ur weak, ur bloodlines weak, and you'll never survive the winter

  • 16
    picture girl black hair tinder Samantha, 21 7 miles away Active 1 day ago Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you.. "whispers* taxes "panting softly* pay the mortgage *moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month

  • 17
    picture girl hose water spraying into mouth tinder Courtney 21 Distance: 14 miles away Active: 51 minutes ago Tagline How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer...merciless...insatiable... Shared Friends

  • 18
    picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

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7 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

“I’ve met enough Red Flags I could paper my walls with them…”

Keep an eye out. 

Dating can feel like an endless game.

Whether you spot each other across a crowded bar or take a chance and swipe right, we all begin by flying blind into the unknown. At first, it’s a game of first impressions. You take an inventory of their outfit, make a note of their drink order and use every piece of information to paint a picture of who they are.

After a couple of dates, the walls start to crumble and we begin to really learn about our new crush. Dubbed the ‘honeymoon phase’, these early weeks of dating are all about testing the waters and seeing if you both are truly compatible. Exhausting, right!

Once you’ve landed yourself a new partner, the real work begins. It means getting creative with date night, actively listening to your other half and maintaining a thriving network of besties and friends to keep your social life balanced. But, what if things don’t feel quite right? If you’re unsure about your new relationship, read on to discover the seven relationship red flags you should never sweep under the rug.

1. Lack of communication

After a hard day at work, we all need to let off some steam. And sharing our concerns with our partner is a healthy way of processing stress and building connections. When it comes to communication, we all want to share our thoughts without reservation.

If your partner seems absent, dismissive or unresponsive, this is an important red flag to take notice of. Lack of communication can mean important conversations go unspoken. When we aren’t able to speak openly and honestly about how we feel, we can feel ignored and, ultimately, resentful of the other person. In fact, these small annoyances can grow and spell disaster for your relationships in the long term.

2. Dislike for your friends or family

This next red flag can be very subtle, but it’s an important one to be aware of. How does your partner speak about your loved ones? Do they resent coming along to family get togethers? Maybe they don’t take the time to get to know your besties? Or perhaps they avoid socializing with your friends and family all together?

If you feel a disconnect between your partner and your social network, it can be difficult to sustain a healthy romantic relationship. Why? Because sharing time with our friends, family and partner shouldn’t happen in isolation. In some cases, this can also be an early warning sign of controlling behaviour. If you notice your partner withdrawing from your network, start a conversation to understand their reservations and what you can both do to address them.

3. Innocently pushing physical boundaries

Respect is the foundation of every successful relationship. When we feel valued by our partners, we’re able to build stronger and more meaningful connections. However, when the opposite is true, this can spell disaster for our relationship.

How does your partner react when you tell them to stop tickling you? Do they invade your personal space or jokingly poke you like a sibling, even when you’ve told them no? Respect begins at acknowledging and honoring each other’s boundaries. If you notice your partner doesn’t listen to your requests, this could be an essential red flag to watch out for.

4. Describing their exes as ‘crazy’

We’ve all had terrible partners and relationships that were destined to fail. It could have been your first high school fling or that crush you had when you started uni. Whatever the case, we all encounter people that just aren’t the right fit for us.

However, if you notice your new partner speaking badly about their past relationships this is something to take notice of. When terms like ‘crazy’ start to be attributed to multiple previous partners, it could be time to consider whether your partner is representing their dating past accurately. In many cases, they could lack the self-awareness to realize they were, in fact, part of the problem.

5. Refusing to make your relationship public 

PDA (or public displays of affection) can be a divisive topic. For some, walking hand in hand comes as second nature. For others, they avoid displays of physical intimacy at all costs. Whatever camp your relationship falls into, it’s a wise idea to consider what is motivating this decision.

Do you notice your partner’s behaviour change when you’re around his mates? Does his social media presence appear as if you’re not together? Has he avoided ‘putting a label’ on your relationship? If your partner is keen to keep things a secret, this could be a warning sign that your relationship might not be as open and honest as it first seems.

6. Difference in values 

We all have our own unique priorities. The stuff that matters most to us. It could be things like honesty or compassion, or more specific values like savings habits and big-picture parenting goals. Although we might not always see eye to eye, sharing core values are key to long term relationship success.

Does your partner play off dishonesty as ‘little white lies’? Do they make decisions without factoring in your plans or point of view? What is their relationship like with their parents and siblings? If you are noticing clear patterns of conflicting values, this could be a good indication that you might struggle to remain compatible over time.

7. Incapable of apologizing 

Arrogant, entitled and patronizing behavior should never be ignored. However, when we’re falling hard for a new fling it can be difficult to see situations clearly. But, learning how to identify negative behaviors early in a relationship can prevent you from getting stuck in a toxic dynamic.

If your partner constantly refuses to apologize or admit they’ve messed up, it’s important not to ignore this. Although this might seem like an insignificant personality trait, it can indicate your partner may have an inflated sense of self-importance. Because let’s be honest, no one wants to date someone who can’t say sorry.

 

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Tinder Is A Waste Of Time For Most People

Dating apps won’t help you much if your goal is to have more relationships. You would probably succeed just as well—or poorly—without it.

“For people who don’t pull off one-night stands without using Tinder, Tinder doesn’t offer much in the way of new opportunities,” says postdoctoral fellow Trond Viggo Grøntvedt in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

He is the first author of a new article in Evolutionary Psychological Science that deals with the use of Tinder. If you’re failing outside Tinder, then you don’t have much to gain from using Tinder, either.

“For people who actually have sexual relations outside Tinder, Tinder use only provides a limited increase in the number of one-night stands,” Grøntvedt says.

Same people succeed both ways

“Most of the people who succeed on Tinder have casual sex and hook-ups otherwise, too,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair at the Department of Psychology at NTNU.

The researchers have previously found that Tinder use did not lead to an increase in one-night stands.

“We have found little reason to claim that dating apps lead to more short-term sexual relationships than before,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen, also in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

There is thus no reason for any moral outrage from anyone.

Swiping

Tinder is one of several match-making apps. It uses location services to find other users nearby and then tries to match users with each other.

Selecting someone is simple and effective: candidates pop up with a picture and some information on the screen. Swiping to the left means you’re not interested in a meet-up. Swiping to the right means you would like to meet the person. If two people swipe right on each other, the app can help them meet.

But sweeping and searching on Tinder has very limited effectiveness for the vast majority of users, who will probably succeed just as well by meeting live people instead.

Lots of hits needed

A lot of hits are needed on Tinder before any lead to a meeting. And even more hits are required before any kind of relationship can happen, whether we’re talking about a one-night stand or a meeting a partner with the aim of having a long-term committed relationship.

Men and women tend to use Tinder and other dating apps differently. Most women take more time to evaluate potential matches and are more often looking for a relationship, whereas most men are quicker in their assessments and swipe to the right far more often in the hope that a high enough number will result in at least one hit.

80 percent achieve nothing

About 20 percent of users had one-night stands after using Tinder. The vast majority of them had only experienced this once. Thus, eight of ten users never have sex after using the app.

“Tinder may offer new sexual opportunities, but these appear to be very limited,” says Kennair.

Only a tiny group of seven people, between two and three percent of the study participants, had one-night stands exclusively after meeting someone through Tinder. The rest achieved this by traditional dating methods as well.

Age and attitudes matter

Participants were asked to evaluate how physically attractive they found themselves to be. How physically attractive users are can predict the extent to which they succeed in having short-term sex when using Tinder.

“But this also applies when you’re not using dating apps. Some people get a lot, and a lot get none,” says Kennair.

“Both age and attitudes towards casual sex affect how often you actually achieve a one-night stand after using Tinder. But these are the same factors that play in elsewhere as well,” Grøntvedt says.

If you are more comfortable with casual sex, you’ll also have it more often.

“But there’s also a connection between a high interest in short-term sex encounters and less chance of meeting someone interested in a long-term relationship through the use of the dating app,” says Bendixen.

Not effective for long-term relationships either

Female Tinder users are, on average, more interested in finding long-term relationships than men are. This also applies to encounters without using dating apps.

But according to this and previous studies, Tinder is not a very effective way to meet a long-term partner, either.

Ernst Olav Botnen had the idea for this study. He is currently a clinical psychologist at Lovisenberg Diakonale Hospital in Oslo.

“It’s interesting to see how the behavior we see in other arenas, like bars and nightclubs, is reflected in dating apps,” says Botnen.

Of the 269 study participants who were active or former Tinder users, 62 percent were women.

“Since the participants in our selection are university students in their early 20s, it will be interesting to see if our findings apply to other groups and age ranges in future research,” Botnen says.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Why Modern Dating Sucks

Introduction

Why does dating nowadays suck so much? If you’ve ever had this question or wondered how your parents managed to meet someone they liked enough to marry, you’re not alone. If the end of your twenties is approaching, or has come and gone, and you’re still single, congratulations! You are, in all likelihood, a hopeless romantic who is more than deserving of the relationship you crave. I write this in hopes of helping you understand why your dating life so far has completely sucked. Maybe understanding will help you turn the tide and meet the love of your life! If so, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.

If you are someone who found your husband or wife on Tinder or Plenty of Fish, this article is not for you (but I’m happy for you). I realize there are always exceptions, and nothing is black or white, but I only have my perspective. To be fair, an instance of organically meeting someone is included in this consideration. It doesn’t seem to matter how the meeting occurred – the behavior and character of relationship was essentially the same in my experience. It completely sucked! Read on to find out why.

The charming days of your beau calling your landline phone and having to speak to your mother first are long gone.
The charming days of your beau calling your landline phone and having to speak to your mother first are long gone. | Source

Real and Meaningful Communication Has Become a Rarity

I love technology and the ability to e-mail and text. I prefer texting to talking aloud. I have always been a quiet but expressive person, and despite my soft-spoken nature, I still like to communicate in ways that resonate with me. I am not much of a talker, but I have always been a writer. It is primarily through my writing voice that I touch other souls and let them know what’s happening inside my head.

I see ads for Tinder or other dating apps where two people communicate purely by emojis, and it disgusts me. After my mom passed away, as I was going through her house, I found a Sephora box full of love letters in my room that I had kept from guys I dated during my school years. It was sad when I realized that my boyfriend in my junior year of high school had more game than the guys I’ve seen more recently, since my mid-twenties. My high school boyfriend wrote me letters of several pages where he would talk about his day or where he wanted to take me on a date. They were sweet, innocent expressions of love where he shared what was going through his mind and how he was feeling.

While I do my best to communicate meaningfully through text, that’s not everybody, if my few experiences with guys are an accurate representation of the rest of them in the dating pool. The lack of communication affects not only the phone and text, but real life as well. I find myself wondering if it started with texting.

I understand the dread factor that a ringing phone can evoke, but at least when we had no choice but to call the other person, we held on to our communication skills and consideration for the human being on the other side of the line. It was easier to pick up on how the other person felt through their tone of voice, and there was not so much evasive behavior as there can be these days when most communication is via text. In my school days (the days of landline phones), yes, sometimes it could be really awkward when conversations were more difficult or heading toward a breakup, but at least we still had to communicate enough to get that sense of closure if things were over. Or if things were going well, we knew that better too.

When you text, especially if you haven’t met in-person yet, you’re less of a human being to the other person. They feel like they can say anything they want, as indicated by some of the horror stories people on dating apps have shared.

Rather than using text meaningfully, most people use it to hide.

It sort of makes me wish I had kept the love letters in that Sephora box, not for sentimental reasons, but to give me hope when someone can barely spell “cat” or uses emojis like hieroglyphs.

Swipe, message, meet, fizzle out, repeat.
Swipe, message, meet, fizzle out, repeat. | Source

Dating Apps Can Be Overwhelming, Used for the Wrong Reasons

The desire to be loved, truly and deeply, is universal across all human beings.

The problem with technology influencing romance is that it can be overwhelming and encourage unhealthy, attention-seeking behavior. Mix a dating app with low self-esteem, lack of self-discipline and self-control, and you have a dangerous cocktail that will damage yourself and others. On most of the dating apps I have seen, there is no limit on how many people you can match with at one time. Before you know it, you’re getting a lot of interest in your profile, which can feel very good at first. Unfortunately, it quickly becomes just another distraction. Your notifications on your phone start vying for your attention, even if you’re out with one of your potentials.

Rather than your focus being on the people you’re meeting and understanding your level of interest in them, it’s about the attention you’re receiving and how validated you feel. As a result, you don’t get a good sense of any of the people you meet. Connections crash and burn, or they fizzle out entirely for no particular reason.

Of course, this isn’t the fault of the dating app. It’s all down to how a person chooses to use it, but perhaps the developers putting a few restrictions on them (for instance, only being able to match with 1-3 people at once, so that yeses are used more wisely) wouldn’t hurt. I have been off dating apps for a couple of years now, so maybe this feature does exist somewhere and I’m just not up-to-date.

Having an endless stream of matches that never go anywhere or even remotely toward getting to know another person in any depth can create jaded, bitter people who are convinced that there are no good men or women left in the world.

We all want love, but we are going about receiving it in the wrong ways. We equate “likes” with love, and the more that we get, the better. But we don’t stop to consider that the “like” or “yes” on our profile was only a momentary response. We focus more on the fleeting approvals than long-term connections, and then we wonder why we feel so empty.

Has this happened to you, too?
Has this happened to you, too? | Source

It’s Too Easy to Run Away

When it comes to online dating especially, it can sometimes be good that we don’t run much risk of seeing certain people in our day-to-day lives. The ability to block people who are harassing or otherwise abusive is good too. For most others in situations that don’t work out, at least caring enough to give a reason for breaking things off or saying goodbye and sending well wishes is a nice gesture. Unfortunately, this is a gesture that often is missed. It can really mess with people.

A friend of mine met a woman at a speed dating event and felt like they were hitting it off pretty well. They were laughing and relating to one another a lot. At the end of the event, each person turned in a list of the people they liked and got notified if the feeling was mutual. When my friend learned that his lady of interest marked “yes” for him, he sent her an e-mail, then never heard from her.

Granted, sometimes e-mails don’t go through. But how many people hide behind technological mishaps just because they’re too afraid to be honest or have a challenging conversation? Why is it so hard to say, “Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you, but after giving it more thought, I don’t feel ready to date anyone”? It would save the other person the unpleasant experience of obsessing over what they did wrong or what happened when things seemed to be going so well before.

When we don’t have much chance of seeing a person face-to-face, whether at work or a chance encounter at the grocery store, again, maybe they feel less human. It is easy to “ghost” and forget common courtesy, because we don’t have to confront the consequences of our actions. We don’t have to see the human, emotional side of the other person, so it’s like we forget it’s there or it’s easier to disregard.

The golden rule is drilled into us when we are children, but still, we manage to forget it.

Tips for a Better Experience

I have been guilty of all the above vices when it comes to dating, so I am not saying I am an angel or was never a part of the problem. But awareness is part of resolving the problem.

Modern dating sucks for many reasons, and this could be part one in an entire series if enough people enjoy this article and let me know that. It doesn’t have to suck, but we need to become more aware of the ways we’re treating others that we don’t want to be treated. We have to become aware of how we’re pushing away love or failing to love ourselves when we’re desperate for “likes” and comments on photos.

If you meet someone and really like them, let them know it. Pick up the phone and actually call them sometimes. Be communicative and express your feelings. This isn’t true just for dating, but for all relationships where there is a sense of disconnect.

Be open and know that it may take a few frogs before you find your prince or princess, but don’t get lost in swiping through an endless stream of profiles and pictures.

If you feel comfortable, please share your experiences with this subject in the comments below and what your takeaway from it all has been.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

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