7 Things Women Do That Men Find Hard To Resist

While some men look for beauty, there are men who look for factors other than good looks in women. These men go head over heels when they see women doing things that differentiate them from other women.So if you want to attract a man towards you, we have got it covered. Read on.

1. Playing With Hair

Men love when women play with their hair. But that doesn’t mean you have to run your fingers in your hair throughout the day. Men love it when they see you fiddling with your hair when you are feeling nervous. They love it when you flip the hair while turning towards them. Also, when the wind blows a few strands of hair on your face, men find it irresistible.

2. Making Eye Contact

Think about the scenario where you are sipping coffee while maintaining eye contact. This melts the heart of a man. They love it when you communicate with your eyes.

3. Stealing Glances

What could be more tempting than the moment men find you looking secretly at them? Men too love the feeling of being wanted. The moment they come to know you have been secretly crushing over them, men will feel attracted towards you.

4. Biting Lips

While on a date with a man, notice his reaction, when you slightly bite your lips while making eye contact. This makes the man weak in his knees and they become smitten by you.

5. Showing Playfulness

When you let your inner kid come out through little sweet things and laughter, men can go crazy for you. It shows that you can relax and have fun at times. They love women who are still young at hearts and can laugh loudly at their jokes. This makes them feel important and special.

6. Being Original

Being pretentious in the presence of men, can turn them off. Men love women who are comfortable with their individuality and prefer being what they actually are. Though you might be successful in pretending to be someone, the moment men find about it, they will feel betrayed and would no more be interested in you.

7. Wearing Confidence

When you show your confidence, men find it most attractive. It shows that you are capable of taking decisions on your own and do not require any other person to make you feel complete. Men see confident women as potential life partners.

Now that you have known the things that men find attractive in women, we hope you will play your cards right to attract the man of your dreams.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Is Using Dating Apps For Validation A Bad Thing? Here’s The Verdict

On the heels of a bad breakup, Kristina, 27, wasn’t ready to find a new partner just yet. She wanted an easy, drama-free way to boost her confidence — so she downloaded Tinder Gold, a paid Tinder upgrade that lets users swipe through people who have already swiped right on them. “I had a bruised ego … so I loved the idea of getting to pick from men who picked me first,” she remembers. “But most of all, it was a ginormous ego boost.” Kristina found herself using dating apps for validation, with no real intention of pursuing anyone she met online. “Every single time I swiped on a hot guy from the group, it was a match,” she explains. “I was so flattered.”

Kristina was using apps mostly to feel good about herself — and it turns out, this practice is pretty common. According to an October 2019 study by MTV News & MTV Insights, 61% of respondents (ages 18-29) said they’re more interested in discovering who is attracted to them online than actually going out with anyone. That statistic suggests dating apps are basically a forum for public affirmation. And the reason why is obvious — it’s exciting to get that adrenaline rush when you receive a flirty message from someone hot. It’s similar to the validation you feel when you post a fire selfie that racks up tons of appreciative comments on Instagram. Everyone has insecurities, and hearing positive feedback from others can temporarily soothe some of that self-doubt.

“While we are using dating apps in the name of finding love, there’s also a selfishness that appears to be there,” Terron Moore, vice president and editorial director of MTV News, the site that conducted the study, tells Elite Daily. “And I don’t even know that you could blame anyone for that. I think we’re all self-interested in our own way.” He notes that although the study results showed a majority of people are looking for validation, this isn’t mutually exclusive with seeking out a partner. Forty-two percent of respondents said they’re looking for a long-term relationship, and 30% are looking to date people casually — even though they may be hoping to build their self-esteem as well.

Young woman chating or messaging while using her mobile phone or her smart phone during her travelling or waiting the train in the train station

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Kristina admits that her dating spree made her feel “selfish” at times, but she still believes the experience helped her through a difficult phase of her life. “Using dating apps and seeing just how many guys there are out there who would date me helped me feel desirable again after being in a relationship that made me feel so unwanted and lonely,” she says. “I’m not proud of relying on male validation for confidence — and it was just one piece of the puzzle — but it definitely accelerated the process.” Though she planned on staying single for awhile, she met a guy after two months who she “fell hard and fast” for. Now, one year later, they’re still happily together.

Using apps as a confidence boost can also help people keep their romantic prospects at an emotional distance. For Courtney, 24, using Bumble and Hinge for validation is a way for her to protect herself from heartbreak. “I deal with a lot of insecurity [and] anxiety around my romantic relationships, so by using the app more so for validation, I can control the narrative and my feelings.” she explains. She recently matched with one of her college crushes, and she felt comfortable knowing she could end the conversation whenever she wanted to. “It works short-term, kind of like the junk food of a dating life?” she says. “It gives you the rush of knowing someone likes you, without having to deal with the actual relationship or risk getting hurt.”

According to relationship therapist Rachel Zar, many people use apps for validation because this practice feels safe and easily accessible. “The risk — both emotionally and physically — feels low,” she tells Elite Daily. “And the hit of dopamine we get — if short-lived — feels really good.” Without even leaving the house, you can access hundreds of potential matches who will tell you over and over again how attractive they find you. And there’s no real danger in chatting with them through the app, where you can always block their profile if you start to get uncomfortable.

It’s not inherently bad to feel flattered by compliments, Zar says. It only becomes a problem when external validation starts to affect the way you feel about yourself. “It becomes unhealthy when it feels as though you’re relying on how many messages or matches you get to dictate your entire self worth,” she says. “Self-esteem that’s determined by the opinions of others is precarious; it can just as easily be given to us as it is taken away.” You should have confidence in yourself regardless of how others feel about you — otherwise, swiping through dating apps might feel like putting a Band-Aid over a deeper wound. It helps momentarily, but it doesn’t actually combat your insecurities.

IT’S NOT INHERENTLY BAD TO FEEL FLATTERED BY COMPLIMENTS. IT ONLY BECOMES A PROBLEM WHEN EXTERNAL VALIDATION STARTS TO AFFECT THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.

Tracie, 24, found herself in this predicament when she was trying to get over an ex. “My coping mechanism to deal with a breakup would be to distract myself with getting back on the apps instead of just dealing and healing my emotions first,” she tells Elite Daily. “I would quickly get back onto the apps and find myself a rebound … but it didn’t work! I’d still have feelings for my ex, and it would cloud up my new relationship.” She ultimately decided she needed to stop until she had healed from the split on her own. “I definitely was using the apps as a crutch to make me feel like I was still worthy,” she says. “If I keep bringing all the lingering vibes from my last relationship without clearing them, I’m not going to be able to fully commit to another person and be capable of having a healthy relationship. I wanted to stop the cycle and heal myself!”

Tracie was onto something, according to Zar: Seeking out validation can sometimes get in the way of finding a healthy relationship. “It’s important to try to develop self esteem that comes from within instead of from others,” Zar tells Elite Daily. “This means developing a sense of what it means to you to be worthy or to succeed based on your own value system.” And only you can really know how to walk that line. If it means you have to pull back from dating apps for awhile while you work on loving yourself, that could help you come back to the dating scene more aware of what you want in a partner.

Zar suggests setting small, actionable life goals for yourself that you can easily accomplish and can be proud of. “Set yourself up for success by creating goals that actually feel achievable,” she says, “and have tons of self-compassion for the fact that sometimes we all fall short.” Take care of your physical health by prioritizing sleep, social time, and mental space to pursue your passions. You can also consider resources like therapy to help you work through any painful past experiences that might be affecting the way you see yourself now.

AS photo studio/Shutterstock

Besides the fact that using apps for validation can make you feel worse, you might also be leading people on by doing it. According to the MTV study, 43% of people have swiped right on someone who they were not physically attracted to, and 39% have talked with someone they had no intention of meeting in person. For those people who really do want to meet up with their matches, this leads to a frustrating uncertainty about the intentions of others. By chatting only with people you’re genuinely interested in, you can avoid deceiving them.

Moore explains that in some ways, having competing online dating goals — seeking validation vs. seeking love — can be counter-productive. “There does seem to be a gulf between being on dating apps to find love and being on dating apps to feel that self-validation,” he says. Focusing too much on getting that immediate confidence boost can detract you from your goal of finding a real relationship that translates off-line.

But first and foremost, make sure you aren’t relying on apps to mask an underlying feeling of unworthiness. You don’t need Tinder matches to make you feel beautiful, just like you don’t need a partner to make you feel whole. There’s nothing wrong with a little shameless flirting with someone you genuinely are attracted to, as long as it fills your cup rather than making you feel empty. The only person who can truly make you feel loved and valuable is you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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What You Shouldn’t Share With Your Partner, According To Experts

You share your heart with your partner, and in some cases your bed or even your dog, but beyond what you’re happy to share, there seems to be a lot of gray area. Toothbrushes? Secrets? Sweatshirts? Friends? It’s all subjective, but rules give couples shared meaning and understanding. Though sharing your life with your partner to some extent is a given, maintaining autonomy is important too. Bustle talked to experts about what you should and shouldn’t share with your partner in the literal sense, to create some loose framework for couples to establish boundaries, together. Because sometimes these conversations are not fun or intuitive, and it’s easy to quickly establish bad habits that are hard to break.

According to clinical psychologist Alexandra R. Lash, what’s off limits for one couple might be fair game for another, and that’s OK. The most important part about drawing boundary lines is that they feel fair to both people in the relationship. Here, with the help of Dr. Lash, Dr. Niket Sonpal, an internist and gastroenterologist, Ed Shaheen, Jr., DDS, MS, and Neuropsycholoigs Dr. Sanam Hafeez, we’ve put together a list of things that individuals often feel protective over and established well-balanced perspectives on each of them. Just because you and your partner are close enough to share your personal items or feelings with each other, doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

1. Passwords & Devices

According to Lash, when it comes to sharing your phone, computer, and device passwords, it really depends on what works for the individual couple. “It’s up to the culture of your relationship,” Lash tells us, going on to explain that whatever feels comfortable is what’s right. “Relationships are about being in touch with each other’s world, but having respect for individuality and privacy, too,” Lash explains. And while she doesn’t see a utility in sharing all personal conversations with your partner, she expresses that it’s important to explore each other’s feelings if there’s a disagreement on the matter or differing values and comfort levels.

2. Bathroom Space & Habits

Some couples prefer not to share their bathroom time.

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Lash explains that the level of comfort when it comes to sharing a bathroom or bathroom habits is contingent on the person. “Some people may grow up with many siblings or limited bathroom space and don’t have as strict a standard of privacy when it comes to bathroom habits, while others may grow up with the ability to use the bathroom privately and rely on that privacy to feel comfortable. Or one member of the couple may grow up in a family culture that values openness and they did not appreciate it and want more privacy in their adult lives or vice versa.” Lash explains. Meaning, there’s no rule of thumb when it comes to deciding what is and is not appropriate in the bathroom.

Some couples are happy to brush their teeth together, carry a conversation on while one person is on the toilet or in the shower, while other couples prefer to keep their bathroom activity private. “It’s important to discuss your comfort level with your partner — it’s not about saying you should be able to go to the bathroom in front of your partner, it’s about saying you should be able to discuss what is and isn’t comfortable for you both.”

3. Razors

It might seem harmless, and we’ve all done it or thought about it in a pinch when there’s only one razor in the shower, but Sonpal tells Bustle that “borrowing your partner’s razor for a quick touch up could spread not only bacteria, but it could also spread more serious blood-borne pathogens like hepatitis B and C.”

4. Nail Clippers

Don't share nail clippers with your partner.

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Because most people don’t regularly clean their nail clippers, an accidental nick could lead to something really serious. Sonpal tells Bustle that you can “spread hepatitis C, fungal and bacterial infections” all through nail clippers.

5. Friends & Social Lives

While Lash says that having “mutual connections can be ideal,” she also recognizes that it’s important for couples to have alone time with their friends, too. That said, nothing is technically necessary when it comes to splitting up or sharing your social lives, so long as both people are comfortable with the breakdown, it’s OK. The only situation that concerns Lash is extremes. For example, “excluding your partner regularly is not OK, but having separate social lives to some degree is.” According to Lash, the goal should be to have have social practices that feel fair to each partner.

6. Antiperspirant

Don't share deodorant with your partner.

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You probably don’t think of your armpit as a germ zone, but according to Sonpal, it is. “Trading germs from one armpit to another is as easy as borrowing someone’s antiperspirant. Deodorants are less risky when it comes to sharing because they usually have an alcohol base. The alcohol makes your skin acidic and less attractive to bacteria. Antiperspirants are another ballgame since they typically have aluminum which blocks sweat pores, not bacteria.” So if you use antiperspirant, don’t share it, no matter what. According to Sonpal, it’s one of the most germ-ridden things you’ll find in your medicine cabinet.

7. Earbuds

Though borrowing headsets might seem harmless, Sonpal tells Bustle that you should reconsider it. “Although earwax is natural ear protection, earphones trap the once-innocent bacteria in the wax. Any wax building up on earphones traps and grows this bacteria, which could lead to infections.” Aka, you should regularly clean your own headsets and definitely keep them to yourself.

8. Solo Sexual Health Practices

Your porn habits are your own, no need to share with your partner.

Oleg Elkov/Shutterstock

“I don’t feel it’s necessary that a partner alerts the other every time they watch porn or masturbate the same way you don’t call the other every time you eat a hamburger or listen to a song on Spotify,” Hafeez tells Bustle.

While it’s good to have an open dialog about personal sexuality (in the same way a healthy relationship allows for an open dialog about everything), Hafeez explains that neither person should feel like they have to disclose this information. So while deleting your web history after watching porn or pleasuring yourself in private is totally within your rights, it’s not completely necessary either.

9. Toothbrushes

Though in theory it might seem like swapping spit with someone is no different than using their toothbrush, according to Dr. Shaheen, the latter is much, much worse. “If you use something for oral health, don’t share it with anyone,” Shaheen tells us, no matter how much you love them. If you want to clean your mouth, shoving someone else’s germs in it has the opposite effect.

When you spend time with your partner in the same living space, it’s important to have clear boundaries to not only ensure your comfort and happiness, but also your health. If you live with your partner but have not had a serious discussion about what you should and should not share, it’s never too late. And if you’re spending a lot of time with your partner and things are getting serious, take the time to flesh out these boundaries so that you don’t create bad habits together.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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3 Signs You Need Space From Your Partner, Because Sometimes You Need A Break

One of the most satisfying parts of having a bae is that there’s always someone around to spend time with. Whether you’re in need of a Netflix and ~chill~ buddy or a date to bring to a family event, being in a relationship ensures that you have someone by your side when you need them. That said, no matter how in love you are, making time for yourself is really important too. Space is something you should never be ashamed to ask for, so if you’re recognizing the signs you need space from your partner, it might be time to have a conversation.

Recognizing these signs doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s wrong with your relationship. It could just be that you’ve been neglecting your needs as an individual, which can start to feel like a major strain on yourself, mentally and emotionally. I spoke with best-selling author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter to find out what you should be looking out for.

“It’s absolutely normal to love someone and also need your space,” Winter tells Elite Daily. “Partnership requires a lot of emotional and mental energy. Being in a relationship also means we’re aware and attentive to our mate’s feelings and needs.” Sometimes in our rush to satisfy others, we forget to take care of ourselves. If you suspect this might be happening to you, here are three signs you could use some you-time.

1. Everything your partner does annoys you.

According to Winter, if you find yourself constantly annoyed by everything your partner does, then there’s a solid chance that it’s time to take a step back. “When we push past our own self-care boundaries, everything our partner does will get on our nerves,” says Winter. It’s not that you don’t love them, but just like being over-exposed to your BFF or even your family can stress you out, there comes a time when you need to do your own thing for a sec.

2. You lash out at them.

“[If] you’re really bitchy [to your partner] no matter how hard you try to be nice,” it could be that you need some time to recalibrate and recharge your emotional battery, explains Winter.

Letting your partner know that you need some space can be tough, so instead, many of us try to keep quiet about our urges to fly solo. But keeping your feelings bottled up makes it easier to take out your frustrations on your SO, which can result in more hurt and confusion in the end.

3. Being around them makes you feel short-tempered and irritable.

“Too much togetherness is suffocating,” says Winter. “We’re going to be impatient and reactive if we haven’t had space to unwind and collect our thoughts. The correct balance of together and alone time is essential for any relationship to thrive.”

If you find yourself feeling tense around your SO for no reason, then it could be a sign that it’s time to have a conversation with your bae about your need for space. However, Winter also notes that if you aren’t communicating with your partner and are instead pulling away, there might be a bigger issue at place.

“You’ll know you’ve got a problem if you get more joy being away from your partner than with them, you find yourself making less and less time to see your mate each week, or you have to force yourself to put on a ‘happy face’ in order to appear normal,” warns Winter.

It’s important to be direct with your partner about how you’re feeling. Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, so there’s nothing wrong with making more time for yourself as long as you let your partner know, so they aren’t in the dark about your needs. A good partner will be supportive and understanding, so don’t be afraid to be honest.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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Is It Normal To Constantly Need To Text Your Partner? The Experts Weigh In

I’m definitely guilty of texting my partner too often. Even when they are at work, if a few hours of silence have gone by, I reach out just to say “Hi!” It’s become a bit of a habit, one that, as it turns out, may not be totally healthy. After all, is it normal to constantly need to text? Or is it a sign that there may be a problem in the relationship? Or maybe (as I hope) it just means you and your partner just like to stay in contact and all that texting is just the pattern and rhythm of your relationship. How can you tell the difference between what is a healthy amount of communication and what’s a sign of a deeper problem?

To help understand which texting behaviors are typical and which are a sign of something amiss, I reached out to Diana Dorell, an intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, and Erica Gordon, a millennial dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren’t You Glad You Read This?. I asked for their expert opinions on if it’s normal to want to text your partner all the time, and when your need for communication becomes too much. Here is what they had to say.

When the need to text your partner all day is not healthy.

For a relationship to be a healthy one, there have to be clear and open lines of communication. So, of course wanting to talk to and text with your partner in general is fine. In fact, Dorell says it’s good to text with your SO — in moderation. “It can be really healthy for the relationship to actually text sparingly throughout the day and then anticipate seeing your SO later to share things and connect face-to-face,” she tells Elite Daily. The time to become concerned, she says, is when a lack of frequent texts negatively impacts your emotional well-being. “When you can’t function day to day if you don’t constantly text or receive texts, or need those texts for reassurance or self-esteem, that is unhealthy,” says Dorell.

Gordon says another sign that the need to text is something to be concerned about is when it causes anxiety. “[It’s] a red flag if you are anxious all the time when you’re not hearing from your partner, and constantly needing that continuous texting.” she tells Elite Daily. “This type of neediness is a red flag that your partner is your whole world. It’s not healthy if your world revolves around them,” warns Gordon.

What the desire to text all day could actually mean.

There are several reasons you may want to talk to your partner all day — and not all are unhealthy. Dorell says it could simply be a sign that affirmation is your love language. “If your love language is words of affirmation, then you may see it as a sign that you are cared for and loved more than average if your partner texts you sweet things regularly,” she says.

If your partner understands that and is happy with the frequency of texts, then great! However, if they aren’t able to keep up with your preferred pace, and you find yourself getting anxious or upset, then Gordon warns that you’ve crossed the line into unhealthy territory. “This could mean that you lack the ability to find that sense of happiness and validation within yourself,” says Gordon. “Self-validation is extremely important, as it’s very unhealthy to rely on external validation from your partner. Let attention from others enhance your mood, but don’t let it control your mood.”

She also cautions that a need for communication may be a sign of something else lacking in the relationship. “This could be a sign of distrust in the relationship,” she warns. “If you’re insecure, and you need constant texts to trust your partner, that could be a sign you should be working on yourself right now, instead of being in a relationship.”

Here’s what the experts say to do about it.

If you feel like you are texting too often and would like to slow down, both experts agree that you need to focus your energy on yourself and find ways to fill that need for validation and affirmation from within. “Instead of leaning on your partner to validate you [sic: is important] — do the things that brought you and bring you joy even when you are alone,” Dorell advises.

“Work on self-love, self-confidence and self-validation,” adds Gordon. “Discover your gift, discover hobbies that you love, and focus on your passions. Start a passion project that you truly enjoy devoting your time to, and suddenly, you simply won’t be looking at your phone or waiting on text replies as much,” she says.

Last but not least — and this may sound counter-intuitive — you should talk to your partner about what you are feeling. “Have a conversation with your partner about how it makes you feel. Let them be a part of this shift to more healthy texting,” says Dorell. After all, there is a reason you call them your partner, right? You can and should be able to lean on them when you need a little support while making a positive change.

Ultimately, the amount you text with your partner will depend on what works best for the two of you. It may be a little more or a little less than average, so long as you both are happy. If you are not, then like the experts say, it’s time to focus on you. Engage in the self-care you need to find the happiness from within that you deserve. After all, you’re amazing! You just need to put down your phone for a bit and remind yourself of that from time to time.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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4 Things You Need To Know About Pickable, The New Dating App That’s Giving Women All The Power

When it comes to certain things — OK, maybe everything — we all benefit when women are in charge. And in our opinion, the same thing applies to dating in the digital age. That’s why our ears perked up when we got wind of Pickable, the new app that’s redefining what it means for women to be in control of their dating lives.

And trust us, we, too, have heard it ALL before. We’ve tried the websites that promise to deliver more compatible dates than a matchmaker, we’ve downloaded the apps that pair you based on your most obscure interests, but mostly, we’ve wasted time going back and forth with matches that we have no chance of actually meeting IRL.

But then we met Pickable, which checks the two most important boxes when it comes to online dating: It’s like no app experience we’ve had before (and we’ve had ’em all), AND it gives off major girl power vibes.

Yes and yes, thank you!

Here are 4 things you need to know about Pickable.

1. It’s built on anonymity.

One of the most unique aspects of Pickable is that it’s a totally anonymous experience for women, right up until they come across a guy they want to connect with. Unlike other apps, female users don’t have to worry about less-than-ideal people (i.e. coworkers, exes, the list goes on) coming across their profiles.

Women start by downloading the app and browsing anonymously. That’s right — they don’t have to include a photo, bio, or even their name. Men, on the other hand, create a simple profile with their name and photo, as well as an optional bio.

When a woman sees someone she wants to strike up a convo with, all she has to do is shoot him a photo, which he can either accept and start chatting, or skip and move along.

How easy is that?

2. It will save you time.

Dating apps are a lot of things. One thing they shouldn’t be is time-consuming.

Pickable provides an alternative to browsing profiles ’til you’re blue in the face, and it helps you avoid the dreaded ‘pen pal’ situation where you and your matches talk forever, but never actually meet up in reality.

Women may have anonymity on Pickable, but men also luck out: All they have to do is chill out and wait until they’re notified that someone wants to chat, and from there (if they’re interested) they can engage, and then take the conversation where it should be — offline, ASAP.

No more sending messages out into the void and getting shot down, or worse, not getting a response at all.

3. It cuts out the stuff that doesn’t matter.

With some apps, you’re practically encouraged to build out elaborate profiles with oh-so-clever bios and the *perfect* pictures that show you from all the right angles.

But how much does that stuff actually matter in the long run?

Not much, according to Pickable. With their minimalist profiles for men, and no profiles for women, they’re cutting out all the fluff that usually just ends up complicating things, and getting straight to what’s most important: Meeting up in real life to see if you’re actually compatible.

4. It evens the playing field.

Even though the Pickable experience differs for men and women, a couple crucial things remain the same: Neither can send unsolicited messages, and once a woman’s chat request is accepted by a man, EITHER can send the first message.

This gives both parties the ability to come up with a fun opening line, and makes unsolicited messages from people you’re not interested in a thing of the past.

Want to try out Pickable and see for yourself what all the hype is about? All you have to do is download the app for free (!); it’s available on both iOS and Android. And in the meantime, click here to learn more about how Pickable works to make real connections in the easiest, most fuss-free way possible.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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PHICKLEPHILLY 2 is Now for Sale on Amazon and Kindle!

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

“Love is a many splintered thing” – Andrew Eldritch

Here it is! The long awaited sequel to the best selling Phicklephilly! Thanks to everyone who bought the first book, and to all of my readers and subscribers on this blog!

Without all of you, none of this would be possible!

You can get it here!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

When I started writing Phicklephilly back in May of 2016, I never realized how much it would grow and flourish as I went forward. It began as an earnest effort to start writing again. After a few false starts through the summer, I finally decided that if I was going to start writing again, I should stop talking about it and just do it. 

It began like most creative works. Slowly. Once I published my first post, I thought; how am I going to do this every Monday? I had no followers and no exposure anywhere. Instead of worrying about that, I decided to dig in and start to tell stories from my recent past. But since then it’s grown exponentially. It’s a dot com now and has hundreds of thousands of page views. I’ve monetized the site and secured advertisers that generate revenue to support my work. It’s been a lot of fun!

In the beginning, my inspiration was a server named Maria who worked at a local restaurant. I sort of had a crush on her but it never became anything. But it was enough to get me writing again. When I met her I had already been in Philly for almost ten years.

 My first relationship with Michelle had only lasted about three years before she left me. She was approaching age thirty and the alarms were going off in her head to get married and make babies. I had already been married and divorced years before that and had a daughter. I wasn’t going down that painful and expensive road again. The odd thing about my relationship with Michelle was, it was the first time I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, stayed friends with me. We were best friends. Isn’t that the key to all successful and loving relationships? 

Michelle reconnected with her former high school boyfriend. Normally that never works but I think this time it might. I think Michelle broke up with him, left Delaware and came to Philly because the guy wasn’t on the road to success. I think Michelle needed to explore the world a bit. She did that for a while and then met me. I was new and different and we had the time of our lives together in the city. But what neither of us realized was that was all we really were. A couple of people who loved the city and it’s nightlife. The drinks flowed and the laughter ensued. But once we got an apartment and moved in together it was the beginning of the end. We didn’t know it at the time, but domestic life never suited our relationship. We were best friends who liked the social excitement of going out, and being a deadly couple in the city. Once the adventure ended it was over. 

We tried it for a while, and did all of the things that couples do. Celebrate the holidays, birthdays, family stuff, and all of the other grinding aspects of domestic life. But we just got to a point where Michelle realized I wasn’t going to marry her and give her kids. We remained friends for several years after that until she moved to California in 2013 to be with her former boyfriend. He had become the man she had hoped he’d be many years ago. She married him, and at the time of this writing has a baby daughter. So it all worked out for her. She achieved the American dream.

I on the other hand started dating Annabelle in 2013. Annabelle is a failed actress and photographer. She makes her living shooting head shots and weddings. The reason things failed with Annabelle was our obvious age difference, and absolute opposite lifestyles. I was the corporate sales guy, and she lived in a world surrounded by theater people. It was like oil and water, and the only thing we shared was our mutual attraction to each other. Annabelle served as a temporary stand-in for my friend Michelle. The relationship lasted a tumultuous nine months and ended. It was fun in the beginning, but all romantic endeavors are. Once the reality sets in that you’re not a match, normally the relationship dissolves. Both of these relationships are well documented in the first Phicklephilly book.

Michelle is long gone, but her memory continues to haunt me of what could have been.

Near the end of the book I met Cherie. When I started writing the blog I realized I had to get back in the dating game. So I did what most people do. I went on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and whatever else was available. I went on a bunch of crazy dates, but things clicked pretty early on with Cherie. 

I realized I had an ending to my first book. I had burned through a couple of relationships, and then met my love, Cherie. Everything was right in the world. She made me happy and we shared some wonderful times. Over the first couple of months we became close and Phicklephilly had a happy conclusion. It seemed like the perfect ending to a great story. I had reached my destination, and had found love in Philly!

Also, when I was with Michelle and Annabelle, I wasn’t writing. Their stories were told from memory, so it’s basically our greatest hits. But phicklephilly the blog was alive and well when I met Cherie. A rich history indeed!

But what happened after the end of the first book? We’re both in love with each other and things are going great. The story has to continue. I can’t just let the tale end there. There’s so much more to reveal. 

Please join me on my continuing journey.

 

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

4 Telltale Signs the Sexual Tension Is Mutual

Do they want to sleep with me, or are they just being friendly? Its the age old question that many a man has failed to answer. When wrong, and you pursue a sexual or romantic relationship, you risk losing a close friendship or put yourself in a situation where you can get brutally rejected. (There are few phrases more devastating than: You know I like you. I just like you as a friend.)

4 Telltale Signs the Sexual Tension Is Mutual

Thomas Barwick

But if you don’t go for it, and they do in fact want to have sex, you’re missing a golden opportunity. They could have been that incredible lay (or serious partner) you’ve dreamed about since adolescence. So how do you know if the sexual tension you feel is real, or if you simply want it to be real? How do you know if they want to get down, too?

Here are four telltale signs that the sexual tension is mutual.

1. You’re both sustaining eye contact.

The eyes are not just a window into a persons soul, they’re also a direct highway to pound town. Eye contact provides some of the strongest information during a social interaction, a social psychologist who studies eye contact, The Scientific American. Its why your mother always told you to “look him directly in the eyes while shaking his hand.”

When there’s a strong sexual desire, our eyes can make that abundantly clear. Sustained eye contact, and were taking 3 or more seconds, is a huge indicator. This is even more true if you find yourself still making eye contact during a lull in the conversation. If no words are being said, but you’re still intensely gazing at one another, they likely want to rip your clothes off right there.

2. Your conversations feel a little awkward.

Sexual tension is all about, well, tension… and tension can be awkward. While you may want to passionately go at it in one of the handicap stalls, you’re instead standing by the water cooler asking when they plan to finish their .

Those reports, clearly, are not whats really on your mind. Its undeniably awkward speaking about something banal when your mind is off imagining what the two of you could be doing together. Since its distracting, you might not be focusing on whatever it is they’re actually saying, which can cause you to miss a beat in the conversation or ask them to repeat themselves. That leads to a hell of an awkward conversation.

Still, you need to make sure that they, too, are acting awkwardly because they feel the sexual tension not because they’re uncomfortable.

“In the midst of what you think is sexual tension, be sure not to get blinded by your own excitement,” Billy Procida, host of , tells Men’s Health. “When there’s an awkward pause in the conversation, does she smile while nervously looking away, giggling as she fidgets with her hair? Do his cheeks get red? Or are her eyes trying to locate her phone so she can make a quick escape?”

“You need to ask yourself,” Procida makes clear, “are you reading sexual tension in her body language, or are you seeing what your desires want you to see?”

3. You’re in close proximity while talking.

There’s actually a large field of research called , which studies how human space affects communication, social interactions, and the larger population. While it , in the United States, most people (without sexual tension) stand about 4-12 feet away in whats called a social distance. Personal distance, which is usually only for friends and family is categorized as 2-4 feet, whereas intimate distance is 0-2 feet. If you find yourself naturally talking to them in the intimate or personal distance space, then yeah, there’s probably something going on. I mean, for the love of God, its called intimate distance when it’s that close, so they likely want to be intimate with you.

4. There’s something going on with all that touching.

Sexual tension can be present with or without touching, which can make this a tad bit confusing. The thing is, we often experience sexual tension with someone because we cant or shouldn’t be with them. This can include a co-worker, boss, a best friends ex, teacher, or anyone else where there are valid reasons why it would be deemed inappropriate to have sex. Because of this, you both may want to touch but are keeping your hands to yourself. In these situations a lack of touching doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of sexual tension, but rather, an extreme form of sexual tension.

On the other hand, if you’re in a situation where it is okay to touch, and you find that they are taking every opportunity that have to touch you and I mean platonic touching then there’s likely sexual tension.

“He’ll put his hands around your back when he’s talking, or maybe he guides you through a crowded bar,” Rachel Hoffman , LCSW, M.Ed., previously told INSIDER . “If he reaches for your hand… then you can almost guarantee that he’s into you.”

And if they’re putting their hands on your thigh while you’re sitting down, yes, Jesus Christ, that’s some sexual tension, and you should act on it.

So what should you do if you sense that they, too, are feeling sexual tension?

First and foremost, don’t get too ahead of yourself. There’s likely a reason you haven’t acted on the sexual tension already: they are someone you shouldn’t be boning. But lets say its not an employee or sister-in-law, then what?

“We take a shot,” Procida says. “But you want to make sure that taking a shot is consensual and respects the other person. This isn’t a movie it’s not cool to ‘take a chance’ by pushing someone up against the wall, kissing them, and hoping they were down for that.”

So why not ask them out on an official date? From there, its a lot easier to actually have sex, since your intentions are clearly innuendo and more enthusiastic consent. The key to asking just in case you’re wrong and they totally don’t want to screw is giving them an easy way to reject you. This can actually make it less uncomfortable for both parties involved.

I typically say, I’m not sure if I’m reading this right, but do you want to go out on a date? Then if they say, Oh, no you can be chill, and reply with, Okay! Yeah, just needed to get that out of my system. Totally misread. Will it be slightly awkward for the next few days? Yeah, obviously. But if you’re both mature adults, you’ll get over it and move to a place of friendship without sexual tension.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

Michelle – Chapter – 23 – One More After This, And Then I’m Done

I don’t really go on social media anymore.

I don’t care about your lunches, or dinners or events or your social events

It means nothing to me. I used to post everything I was doing on my social media when I was working in advertising.

But no more. I live a private life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Social media’s a sad symptom of our society that gives every moron on Earth a voice.

I’m tired of you all. I see you all for who you really are and the pool is so shallow I see nothing in any of you anymore.

But for a moment I saw something that caught my eye.

My former girlfriend Michelle was pregnant with a little girl due in June. (It already happened)

She’s finally reached all of her goals of having her health, a happy marriage with her husband and now a child is on the way.

Well done.

It’s good we’re no longer in touch.

My work is done and you have no longer any use for me.

Perfect.

I’ve lifted you to the place I have hoped for you.

I think we both agree that what you have now is what we both hoped for you all along.

Well done, Michelle.

We had a great time, but you’re needed where you are now. You made it, and now you have all of the things you want.

I am honored we had the time we had together. It was the best time of my life, but now you’ve found true happiness and all of the things you wanted.

God Bless you both and I wish you all only health, happiness and the wellness of your child.

Michelle, you finally got the perfect life you always wanted. You have the perfect marriage with the man you’re supposed to be with, finally! I’m so happy for you. You live in the place you’ve always wanted to be in and have the job you always dreamed of.

Perfect.

I hope your baby girl is born happy and healthy!

God bless you all!

You did the right thing.

 

I’ll be at the bar…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Why Is Getting Over Someone Who Cheated So Hard? Here’s What Experts Say

Most of us have been, or will go, through a breakup (or, you know, a few) in our lives. None of them are especially fun, but there is something exquisitely painful about having your relationship implode because a partner cheated. The confusion, the pain, and — let’s be honest — the anger in this situation can be really intense. None of this is made any easier when you’re faced with actually having to get over someone who cheated and move on for good, which can feel like it’s even more impossible.

Here’s the silver lining: If it feels like moving on from a cheating partner is harder than the other breakups and heartbreaks you’ve endured, it’s definitely not just you. “It’s really challenging to move forward when you’ve been cheated on,” life coach Nina Rubin confirms to Elite Daily. But why is it so much more difficult? It turns out that not all forms of heartbreak are the same, and the effects of infidelity can last much longer. Here’s what the experts have to say on why the pain of cheating lingers, plus how to move forward and put that hurt in the rearview mirror.

Cheating Undermines Your Ability To Trust

When a relationship ends due to a partner’s infidelity, there is another layer of betrayal, and that, Rubin explains, is what destroys the faith you had in them. “Physical and emotional affairs cut the main artery of a relationship: Trust. When you’ve been cheated on, you can no longer trust your partner,” and that, she explains, can be incredibly painful.

vitapix/E+/Getty Images

“Affairs bring with them extremely complex emotions and thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, humiliation, confusion, and fear,” explains Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles. But it’s not just the pain that makes moving on from a partner who cheats difficult. There are also feelings of anger to heal from, as Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. “It hurts to know that your ex has broken their promises to you and wasted your time and energy,” she explains.

Infidelity Can Undermine Your Self-Confidence

Perhaps the most insidious part of breaking up with someone who was unfaithful is the way that their betrayal can undermine your self confidence. Chong warns against falling into the trap of comparing yourself to the person your SO cheated with. “Not only do you have the loss of the relationship to get over, you also have the shame of feeling replaced by someone ‘better.’ You’re constantly wondering if they were better-looking, taller, funnier or even better at sex than you,” says Chong. Not only will these kinds of comparisons increase your own pain, but they aren’t even the reality of the situation, Chong explains. “It’s never because you weren’t good enough,” says Chong. “Nor was it something you did that caused them to cheat. Cheating is their decision, and their decision alone. Cheating is multifaceted, and sometimes the reason for cheating can be deeper and more complex.”

How To Get Over Someone Who Cheated

Understanding why getting over someone who cheated is so difficult is one thing, but knowing how to actually do it is another. The first step is to make a conscious decision to move forward, says Chong. “If you have determined that the relationship is broken beyond repair, the most important thing is to simply decide that you will move on,” she explains. That also means sticking to this decision even if the cheating partner decides they want to keep trying. “If the person has broken up with you due to the other person, you must ‘reject the rejector’,” Chong says. “If you have broken up with the person, you must decide that you will not accept that person back, because they have broken your trust and that can never be replaced again.” By staying firm in your choice, Chong says you can actually speed up the healing process. “Set a goal, figure out how you will get there, and then push yourself to get there. Take time to grieve, but don’t stay there too long,” she advises.

Slavica/E+/Getty Images

How long is too long to grieve a breakup? “It takes as long as it takes,” says Rubin, although she adds that the time you take needs to be constructive. “The best thing you can do for yourself is process the pain and learn more about your triggers. Keep holding your head high.” It’s also important to note that, as you continue to heal, the feelings of betrayal left by cheating can create lasting emotional scars. “You may have triggers in your next relationship,” says Rubin. “This is normal. If you start feeling anxious or paranoid that your partner is going to cheat on you, this is a cue to get help and talk to them about your concerns.”

While there is no way to entirely avoid the pain that follows infidelity, the most important thing to remember is that healing is possible. “You can move forward. You can have a great life post-infidelity,” assures Dr. Brown. So hang in there and make your focus about self-care and self-love. You’ve got this.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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