6 Signs A Woman Is Using You

Narcissists aren’t the only ones who show textbook signs of narcissism. Some of us self-described “normal” folk are just as guilty. Each day you likely pass by a woman or man who engages in this very behavior.

The lengths that some people go to to get what they want is truly extraordinary. Some cheat and fight their way to a better job, more money, and nice stuff. Others manipulate and coerce people to get what they want.

Of course, this manipulation often occurs in romantic relationships. In the typical case, males will use females for sex and power, and women will use the male for attention, gifts, and security. However, the typical case doesn’t shed any light on the complex psychological factors that enable – even empower – such behavior.

The number of men that use women (and vice-versa) is likely quite comparable. There is no evidence to suggest that one gender uses the other more or less often. The same applies to same-sex relationships.

In this article, we’re going to focus on when a woman is the “user.”

So why does a woman decide to use someone in the context of a relationship?

Using psychological research and first-hand accounts, we’ll attempt to answer this question. We’ll also talk about how these psychological underpinnings manifest into observable actions by talking about six signs that a woman may be using you.

Let’s get to it!

The Psychology of Manipulation

“The art of manipulation is not about making people do what you want them to do but rather getting them to want to do what you want them to do.” ~ Psychology Behind (source)

Dr. George Simon is one of the world’s foremost experts on the psychology of manipulation. Simon’s testimony of just how he came to specialize in this field is quite telling of the effects of manipulation.

According to Simon, he frequently counseled people suffering from gaslighting syndrome, though it was not known by that name at the time.

Per Psychology Today, gaslighting syndrome (or simply ‘gaslighting’) is a form of psychological abuse that causes one to “doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self worth.”

At first, Simon didn’t know the root cause of perplexed, depressed, traumatized mind state affecting many of his patients. “They felt crazy, but they couldn’t pinpoint why,” says Dr. Simon, “However there was always someone in their life which they just knew at some gut level there was something wrong with … And that made them confused, angry, depressed, and feeling pretty crazy.”

Okay, so we know of the psychological effects of manipulation, but what about its causes? Of course, we must peek inside the mind of a chronic manipulator to come up with some semblance of an answer.

According to Simon, covert-aggression lies at the heart of manipulation. Manipulative people are very adept at initiating conflict that is subtle, if not undetectable.

Covert-aggression is not to be confused with passive-aggression. Passive-aggression, as the name implies, involves the use of passive emotions to resist harmony. Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include the “silent treatment,” deliberate sullenness, putting, whining, and intentionally “forgetting” with the intent of inflicting emotional harm.

Covert-aggression, meanwhile, is not passive but active. Covert aggressives use calculated, deliberate, underhanded tactics to achieve their aim. Meanwhile, a gifted covert-aggressive person finely veils their intentions to go unnoticed.

More about how to detect and overcome covert-aggressive actions later. Let’s get to the main topic: six signs that a woman is using you.

6 Signs a Woman is Using You

  • She lets you know (seriously)

This first sign of outright manipulation is ironic. The actions implicating the person are astoundingly obvious, yet are somehow effective.

Recently, this writer was watching a dating show when a contestant made some ridiculously audacious statements. Here were some of the flummoxing utterances from this conniver:

– “I’d like for the person I’m dating to let me travel the world.”

– “I would d like for him to know how to cook because I don’t.”

– “I’d like to be supported and taken care of, so I don’t have to work.”

Then there’s this gem. When asked about traveling the world with her husband, she said “Okay, but it’s fine if he has to work. I can just go by myself.”

What did the poor sap who had to live through this ridiculous interchange do? Absolutely nothing! In fact, he agreed to go out with her!

Now, we can only speculate as to the man’s motivations/outright lack of awareness. But this may very well be a scenario where a near-absence of attention, poor listening skills, or a combination of the above leads to a life of abject misery.

Active listening, men!

  • She Always Has the Last Say

The second sign that a woman is using you is that she always has the final say. She cares little to nothing about what you want to do, where you want to go, or anything else. Before you can say, “It would be nice if just that once…” she is getting ready.

She got her way. Again.

This isn’t normal or healthy. Every true, wholesome romantic relationship is built on compromise. Both people should not only feel a need to forfeit decision-making authority to their partner from time-to-time but want to do so out of love and respect.

The fact that she is either unwilling or unable to meet you halfway on anything is a sure sign that she is using you.

  • She Pays Little Attention To You

While it is true that each person shows their affection in different ways, showing little interest or care towards your partner isn’t a good sign.

Think about it. Most of our lives, we’re away at work or handling this or that responsibility. The little free time that we do have is precious. As such, how a person spends their free time is quite telling of what they ultimately value.

If your lady seems to spend more time doing just about anything else than paying attention to you, something’s amiss.

  • People Clue You In

Expert manipulators are incredibly subtle and selective in their tactics. As you are her target, she is going to do anything she can to draw and hold that veil over your eyes.

Of course, she can’t do this with everybody all the time. Unless she’s a textbook narcissist (which is certainly a possibility!)

Instead, what usually happens is that the ice queen drops her guard around other people. For those that she isn’t interested in getting anything out of, she may just bear all. Or maybe she won’t. Either way, if multiple people are coming to you only to voice their concerns, there’s likely something you’ve overlooked.

  • She Doesn’t Value Your Time

Another possible sign that a woman is using you is if she doesn’t value your time. Maybe she shows up late, cancels plans, or always insists that you cater to her schedule. Regardless, not valuing someone’s time is at best a sign of disrespect, and at worst a display of contempt.

A woman who doesn’t value your time isn’t worth the trouble. And she may just be using you.

  • She Sends Mixed Signals

We’re all familiar with how it feels to received mixed signals from someone. It doesn’t feel good. Especially when you’re falling for someone, and they refuse to acknowledge or contemplate the future of your relationship.

It’s never okay to demonstrate your love and affection for someone only to shun any dialogue about commitment. Worse still, is being open to future possibilities one day while practicing escapism the next.

Whether or not she is using you is almost beside the point at the stage. As this sort of behavior is an outright display of emotional immaturity, it’s probably best to move on.

Final Thoughts: Listen To Your Instincts

“Learning how to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life’s many battles has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I’ve worked.”

~ George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. (Simon, 2010)

This Final Thoughts section is above detecting and overcoming covert-aggressive behavior in any social setting and in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise, by paying attention to your instincts.

Let’s go back to what Dr. Simon says about victims of manipulation feeling “at some gut level there was something wrong with” a person who they reveal was driving them near-crazy. In many scenarios where manipulation is present, the victim admits to having a gut sense that something is wrong.

It is therefore vital that we not discard our instincts about a person.

Unfortunately, feelings of guilt often arise whenever we call to question someone else’s motives. This is especially true if the potential manipulator is someone for whom we care.

It is possible to think objectively about gut feelings that arise. Set aside your feelings and ask a few simple questions like:

– Would I ever treat someone that I love this way?

– Do I feel genuinely cared for?

– How do they react when I’m honest with my thoughts and feelings?

When answering these questions, listen not only to your mind but also to your heart. They will lead you to the truth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

23 Sexy Questions To DM Your Crush That Really Bring The Heat

Let’s be real: No one ever wants to get hit with an unsolicited DM that reads, “Hey Hottie! Will you send me a sneaky pic?” IMHO, exchanging sexy messages over the internet can be like recreating Love Letters of Great Men, but for millennials. However, much like writing the perfect letter, penning a message that’s both sensual and not cringe-worthy takes some practice and finesse. If you’re looking for some inspiration, these 23 sexy questions to DM your crush are the perfect place to start.

No matter how long you’ve been crushing on someone, it’s important to be in tune with their comfort level and feelings before sending a sexy message. Consent is a necessary part of all sexual behavior — IRL, and, yes, in the DMs. While making the first move can be daring (and often appreciated!), ensuring everyone’s comfort and boundaries is also important. And whether you’re gearing up to exchange nudies or just want to have a flirty convo, asking your crush a sexy question in their direct messages can be a great way to open up your conversation.

Here are 23 sexy questions to DM your crush. Yes, they are categorized by Taco Bell sauce heat levels.

charming mix race plus size woman in a white business jacket standing with smart phone in hand on white background in Studio

Shutterstock

Mild.

1. Let me just ask: How is it possible that you’ve gone so long without messaging me?

2. Should I start this conversation with a cheesy pickup line?

3. Be honest, how long have you been waiting for me to DM you?

4. When’s the last time you thought about me?

5. It’s been so long since we last hung out. Wanna change that?

Hot.

6. I’m making the first move with this DM. Can I expect you to make the first move when we hang out IRL?

7. If you have the time to “like” all my recent posts, how come you’ve never found the time to ask me out?

8. Miss me yet?

9. When do I get to kiss you again?

10. How about we move this convo to drinks?

Fire.

11. I’m not great at starting sexy conversations. Do you want to give it a try?

12. Do you mind that I’m DMing you from the tub?

13. If I asked you to come over right now, what would you say?

14. Want to skip the gym and come over for a different type of workout?

15. Do you like sexting?

16. If you could pick out my undies, what would you have me in?

Diablo.

17. I had a dream last night that we were sexting. Want to make my dreams come true?

18. Real tea: Did you think about me naked when you last saw my name in your DMs?

19. I just took some pics that are a little too hot for my main feed. Do you want to see them?

20. So, your place or mine?

21. What would you do to me if we were together right now?

22. What’s your sexiest fantasy?

23. Do you ever think about me when you’re touching yourself?

Whether you ask what they’re wearing or complement their recent post, sliding into your crush’s DMs can be a super flirty way to start a sexy conversation. Of course, it’s always imperative to ensure everyone’s comfort and well-being. If you think a message is a little too forward, or you’re worried about making your crush uneasy, start with something mild and build up to something hotter. At the end of the day, putting yourself out there (in a consensual and respectful way!) is the sexiest message of all.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Sex Worker Reveals What It’s Really Like To Be A Stripper & Prostitute

Here’s a submission from one of my readers. Enjoy!

Stripping and prostitution aren’t all bad, but sex work is no walk in the park.

Being a sex worker can be a blast.

Easy money that’s fun to make. Partying for a living. Getting a great workout, and sometimes even having great sex, on the job. Going to great restaurants and staying at nice hotels on someone else’s dime. Meeting lots of cool people and making them feel great. Fulfilling clients’ fantasies while escaping your own troubles. Having the opportunity to travel all over the country and even the world, while remaining gainfully employed and recouping any costs incurred.

One of the biggest perks working as a stripper and prostitute is the high earning-to-time-expended ratio.

Students, single moms, and aspiring artists can literally buy themselves time to live the other aspects of their lives, such as supporting dependents and pursuing higher education.

Writing has always been my greatest talent, and I have a sensitive writer’s temperament. Stripping and escorting have helped inspire and sustain my writing, but they’ve also exposed me to genuinely heartbreaking things.

Sure, there are things about stripping and escorting that irritate me — like people not tipping at the stage when I’m working the pole hard and Johns canceling appointments last minute — but then there are things that have an emotional impact on me as well.

Here are the ten most heartbreaking aspects of being a sex worker.

1. We see clients (mainly men) at their most vulnerable.

Guys really spill their guts to you and it can be quite draining. Sometimes you just smile and nod at inane rambling, but other times the conversation gets pretty damn real.

You see guys who are mentally disturbed, addicts, and physically disabled. But most of all, you see guys who want to vent about their marriage issues or drink their pain away, using you as an enabler.

2. Law enforcement treats murdered or raped sex workers as sub-human.

There’s a degrading expression among cops. The term “no human involved” (NHI) is utilized when a murder victim is a sex worker, especially if the victim is a trans woman of color.

We don’t get the Natalee Holloway media treatment if we go missing. And crimes against only make the news when someone famous — like Eliot Spitzer, Charlie Sheen, or an intriguing serial killer — is involved.

3. Feminists don’t have our backs and drown out our voices with their own.

I’m a bit sick of Tina Fey being lauded as a feminist when she thrives on jokes that shame and dehumanize sex workers.

If you watch “30 Rock” or read her book “Bossypants” from a sex workers’ point of view, you’d be shocked by how little she thinks of us. Other feminists who hold higher degrees and teach at prestigious institutions have gotten the general public, federal government, and chief executive officer himself on board with the conflation of sex trafficking and consensual sex work.

You’ve noticed what a trendy topic sex trafficking (modern slavery) is, right? It’s really hit the mainstream, but feminists, law enforcement, and federal lawmakers don’t have a damn clue how to actually distinguish voluntary sex workers from exploited trafficking victims.

Instead, by enacting bills like FOSTA-SESTA, they’re letting the bad apples make it harder for the rest of us to do things such as bank and avoid housing discrimination.

4. We are disenfranchised from mainstream society.

A few years back, Chase Bank was accused of shutting down the bank accounts of adult entertainers and their spouses, even when the work they do is legal.

When porn star Teagan Presley received a letter from Chase saying accounts belonging to herself and her husband were being closed, she was told in person by someone at the bank it was because she was deemed to be “high risk.”

Soon after, Frank Keating, CEO of the American Bankers Association, wrote an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal in which he claimed the US Department of Justice was actively involved in the situation.

“Operation Choke Point,” he wrote, “is asking banks to identify customers who may be breaking the law or simply doing something government officials don’t like … Banks must then ‘choke off’ those customers’ access to financial services, shutting down their accounts.”

Sex workers have used other services like Paypal, Bitcoin, GreenDot Cards, MoneyPaks, and more to obtain deposits from clients, and law enforcement keeps catching on to us and shutting down various resources. The closures of Craigslist’s adult section, Backpage, and websites like MyRedbook (where sex workers could advertise), have forced some of us onto the streets to survive.

Federal authorities portray these moves as ways to protect underage sex trafficking victims and bust money-laundering pimps, but what they really do is endanger consenting sex workers who are of age and willingly involved in the industry in the process. This kind of discrimination is why a lot of us, including myself for a time, literally live out of hotels.

5. We will forever be defined by our time as sex workers.

I’m not fame-obsessed like most Americans. I don’t care about celebrities and I don’t care to become one. However, now that I’ve worked not only as a stripper but as a full-blown hooker, I’m terrified of becoming a successful writer or public figure. I’m worried that a single Tweet or viral blog post could put me under the microscope and do me in.

Aside from certain careers where a sex worker’s past isn’t such a big deal, our career options can be severely limited for the rest of our lives.

People like writer and producer Diablo Cody (whose real name is Brook Maurio) are burdened with having to forever field interview questions about stripping. Olympic runner Suzy Favor Hamilton, who briefly worked as an escort, had her name stripped from the Big Ten female athlete of the year award and has been burdened with having to explain that part of her life using another stigmatized subject, mental health, to explain her actions and make them somewhat more acceptable to society.

6. We watch people do themselves in with drug addictions.

You meet a great deal of proud recovering alcoholics and addicts as a sex worker, but you also meet tons of clients and colleagues looking for an enabler or looking for a place to drink or do drugs with someone.

I lost one stripper friend to a heroin overdose, and she had a somewhat rapid unraveling. Her first relapse was booze, and the needle soon followed.

Hearing girls in the dressing room boast about being off “H” for a few days was depressing, to say the least, as was seeing others zoned out of their mind on Xanax or booze, moving about like numb zombies.

I’ve personally abused Adderall when stripping, causing me to act strung out, and I’ll see people taking higher-stakes chances with their lives.

I’ve tried to help out strippers who were living out of hotels by offering them accommodations with me or offering to loan them the house free for the night. It’s draining to repeatedly try in vain to help people who won’t help themselves.

7. We lead double lives and have to lie all the time.

There are some out and proud prostitutes, while others have been outed against their will.

Lying is both exhausting and something that doesn’t come easily to me. I gloss over discussions of work with my family and steer conversations toward my hobbies, volunteering, and culture consumption, and inquiries about other family members.

When it comes to dating, I’ve disclosed to several men that I stripped (and even met some men I’ve dated at the clubs), but I’ve never disclosed being an escort to any guy. Not getting really serious with guys is a defense mechanism; I fear domestic violence or retribution like online shaming.

On a day-to-day basis, I’m always fudging my work situation a bit, sometimes in front of people who know the truth. These days, I’ve made progress proving to my family that my mental health has improved and is being better managed; however, it’s hard to have the weight of hypocrisy on my shoulders as I lie about my main source of income.

8. There’s rampant racism.

There is tremendous pressure for escorts to lower their price points and sell themselves short, thanks to the internet keeping prices competitive, just like it does for other industries.

And as is the case in other fields, minority women are often under more pressure to resort to this than their white counterparts.

When I work at the strip club, it seems like guys consider the minority girls more “attainable” if they’re thinking strictly with their penises. On the flip side, tons of white escorts have “No Blacks Allowed” policies, in the same way, many escorts don’t “see” men under 30.

While I’m all about sex workers setting and maintaining their own boundaries, having a blanket “No Blacks Allowed” policy seems a tad overzealous.

I admit I’m guilty of racism at times. I too often ignore black customers at the strip club, even when there are no other customers or I’ve already tried all the others. I’ll sometimes roll my eyes when young minority men get bottle service and make it rain on the big booty girl, while not tipping me a single dollar for hanging upside down on a 20-foot pole.

9. People feel entitled to our bodies outside of respectful parameters.

I refuse to work at full-nude strip clubs and was reminded why the other night when both of my first two lap dance recipients tried to sneak their hands under my thong.

There are a ton of guys out there who think buying a $20 lap dance entitles them to finger us, touch our breasts, whip their penises out, or even get a quick blowjob or handjob.

Before switching to escorting, I remember a guy ejaculating after two lap dances and thinking to myself, “How is getting a guy off for $40 any better than turning a cheap trick? If I’m going to get guys off, I should charge what an intellectual college grad deserves.”

All sex workers have different boundaries, but guys seem to find out what they are by crossing them instead of asking first.

As a whore, I provide companionship with a side of mostly vanilla sex acts for money. If a client forces anal sex on me, that’s a form of rape. If he forces sex without a condom on me, that’s a form of rape. If he threatens to write a bad review about me if I don’t perform a certain sex act or forego a condom, that’s a form of rape.

I’m usually able to use the internet to weed out bad guys, but this behavior knows no class or race.

10. There’s constant cyber-bullying.

A website called The Erotic Review is my arch-nemesis. Since I began escorting in 2010, that site has gotten even worse at bullying escorts into compromising our boundaries, namely whether or not we allow reviews and how we let the threat of bad reviews impact our appointments, our price points, and our-self esteem.

To earn a 10/10 on “performance,” unsafe sex is required. The term “BBBJ” (bareback blow job, i.e. condomless) is extremely in demand, and that was bad enough, but now clients can report when girls allow “BBFS” (bareback full service, as in condomless sex, and perhaps even condomless anal sex).

Girls who are naive, uneducated, or who rely on sites like these for free advertising pander to these jerks and escort agencies only contribute to the problem. Guys who pay less expect more, and they complain when they don’t get it. Guys who pay more tend to be more discreet.

I’ve worked with four agencies, all female-owned, and found that the owners are invariably in it for themselves, which means offering competitive prices and catering to review board culture. Thankfully, my agency work has never compromised my independent brand.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Reasons To Date A Redhead

In a study done at The University of Hamburg, it was discovered that redhead ladies love getting hot in the bedroom department more than women with any other hair colour. You heard right guys!

Redheads tend to have a soft milky complexion, which means they not only look stunning but they feel great to cuddle up to.

This summer freckles have been a beauty trend, people have actually been drawing them on! If you are lucky enough to date a redhead then the sun will bring out totally natural and beautiful freckles.

Redheads make up 5% of the world’s population. This makes them pretty unique compared to the rest of us.

If you are lucky enough to date a redhead with blue eyes you have struck gold as this is a very rare combo! It might be time to buy a lottery ticket…

You will never have to worry about them losing their vibrant hair colour as natural red hair doesn’t grey like other colours of hair.

The fea­r of losing your date in a busy crowd will become a thing of the past if you are dating a redhead. Their fiery locks will always let you know where they are!

If you love to have a good laugh on a date then redheads are for you. Due to being teased at school, they tend to develop a good sense of humour.

Red hair has become rather popular in recent years with lots of people faking it. Think how good you will feel knowing you are dating the real deal!

Redheads are so awesome that they are celebrated all over the world by entire days dedicated to them.

So to conclude, redheads are feisty, sexy, funny, rare and we LOVE them!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If A Guy Who Ghosted Texts You Again, Here’s How To Handle It

Ghosting is the worst. Whether you’re the person getting ghosted or the person who’s actually doing the ghosting, ending a relationship by abruptly cutting off all communication is never a good thing. But what if that relationship doesn’t really end when they leave your last message on read? In some situations, you may find that someone who ghosted you texts you again and wants to try to come back into your life.

If you find yourself in this situation, your initial reaction to seeing that gray text bubble might be to just ignore the message and move on with your life. If that’s how you feel, that’s completely fine to do — you shouldn’t feel like you owe that person anything. But it’s not always that easy. If you get a surprise text from someone who ghosted you and you’re still interested in exploring a potential relationship with them, it’s OK to give the text consideration. That is if you think it deserves it. Being ghosted may feel awful, but it’s completely up to you whether to give someone who ghosted you another chance.

So, here’s how to best handle it when someone who ghosted you shows up again in your texts.

1. Take Time To Read The Message

Young woman looking at phone at a text from someone who ghosted her

Shutterstock

Before you do anything, read the message carefully. Then, read it again. Marriage therapist Nicole Richardson says she’s seen people who don’t even read the text from someone who ghosted them and get the wrong idea. This means they “read more into it than is actually there,” says Richardson. The person who ghosted you may just be bored or need something from you, and you might misinterpret that and be back to planning your wedding.

Stef Safran, a Chicago-based matchmaker, agrees and says it’s important to really take your time assessing that first communication. “See how they start communicating with you,” Safran says. “If it’s just a quick text to say ‘Hi,’ allow them to make more of an effort.”

When you receive a text from someone who previously ghosted you, give it all the time you need to make sure you’re reading it correctly and that they’re making an appropriate amount of effort. They’ve ghosted you once already, so they aren’t starting with a baseline level of your trust — they need to earn it.

2. Think About How You Feel

Once you’ve had a moment to digest the initial text, the next thing to do is to take a minute (or several) to figure out how you really feel. If the text contains an apology, that’s great, says Richards. But it’s not likely, and you might feel that a casual text saying “Hey” isn’t enough reason to give them another shot.

Safran says to think about it as a friendship: If a friend ghosted you and then reappeared out of thin air, you’d expect something bigger than just a “Hi” or “Hello.” So you should use the time between getting the text and responding to weigh out your own feelings. “Maybe this wasn’t someone you were that into, so it’s not a big deal,” Safran says. “If this is someone you don’t mind hanging out [with] here or there, then maybe you won’t be that upset if [they] disappear again.”

3. Make Sure They Acknowledge Their Actions

Woman reading text from person who ghosted her

Kilito Chan/Moment/Getty Images

If you’ve decided to communicate with the person who ghosted you, you should also hold them accountable for their behavior. “Ask why [they] ghosted you,” says Anita A. Chlipala, licensed marriage, and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love. “There’s a high probability [they’re] going to do it again unless [they] can demonstrate change.” According to Chlipala, if they claim they ghosted you to save your feelings, then they need to understand that ghosting might have been really painful for you. Now that they’re back in your life, they need to be clear about communicating better in the future.

April Masini, a New York-based relationship expert, also says that figuring out why they ghosted is important — it may not always be the worst-case scenario. “If [someone] ghosts you because this is [their] normal behavior, move on. It’s cowardly and rude. But… if [they] ghosted you because there was a miscommunication and [they] did contact you but the email or text didn’t go through, or it’s in your spam folder, give [them] another chance.”

“The reason for the behavior is often just as important as the behavior itself, so if [they] come back and you’re still interested, get a little intel,” she continues. Either way, if they did actually ghost you, make sure they understand how it made you feel.

4. Consider If It’s Worth The Risk Of Being Ghosted Again

Even if you’re back to texting (or maybe you’ve graduated to hanging out again), there are still some big questions hanging over a potential relationship with this person, like: Will, they ghost you again? Is starting something up again worth the risk?

Chlipala says it’s probably not. “Ask yourself if you really want someone in your life who chooses to ghost rather than clearly communicate about what’s going on. It won’t get any better just because you’re dating or in a relationship. If you’ve been ghosted, the person did you a favor by getting out of your life, so don’t let [them] back in,” she says.

If the person is someone you know wasn’t going to be great for you long-term, it may not be a good idea to waste any more time on a relationship with them.

5. Tread Carefully If You Decide To Move Forward

If you decide you want to try a new relationship with this person again, be very, very careful with how you move forward. Chlipala says, “Set your expectations really, really low. Don’t get your hopes up that [they’re] into you or want to date you. [They] could be bored, know you’re available, and just want to have some temporary fun.” And if you do give it a go, Chlipala says, don’t stop dating other people. It’ll help you maintain some distance, so long as you’re both on the same page about not exclusively dating each other.

Richardson says it’s not a bad idea to keep your guard up. “Be aware that [they’re] still likely to let you down. [They’ve] shown you already that [they’re] capable of leaving you hanging, so do not assume [they’re] sorry and/or that [they] will not do it again.”

Even if everything seems to be going well, Masini says to hold back just a bit. “Don’t spill your heart, sleep with [them] again, or bring [them] to your sister’s wedding … You want to behave according to what you know, and if this is someone who’s hurt your feelings in the past, be smart this time around.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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