Tales of Rock – 20 of the Craziest Rock Star Confessions

 

 

The best kind of wild rock 'n' roll stories are the ones that come from the artists' own recollections. Wild parties, drug binges, run-ins with the law and questionable romantic entanglements – these only scratch the surface of rock stars' wildest admissions. Read on for rock royalty's most lurid confessions over the years, in their own words. 

The best kind of wild rock ‘n’ roll stories are the ones that come from the artists’ own recollections. Wild parties, drug binges, run-ins with the law, and questionable romantic entanglements – these only scratch the surface of rock stars’ wildest admissions. Read on for rock royalty’s most lurid confessions over the years, in their own words.
DAVE SIMPSON, WIREIMAGE

Slash's 2007 eponymous biography contained plenty of eye-popping stories about his wild years with Guns 'N Roses, from the time he ran naked across a golf course during a drug binge to Axl Rose staging a sexual encounter in a recording studio to spice up their song “Rocket Queen." He explained, "We lit up some candles for atmosphere, then (the woman) and Axl went out into the live room, got down on the floor by the drum riser, and we recorded (their) performance," he recalled. "Enjoy it – it’s right there in the final mix."

Slash’s 2007 eponymous biography contained plenty of eye-popping stories about his wild years with Guns ‘N Roses, from the time he ran naked across a golf course during a drug binge to Axl Rose staging a sexual encounter in a recording studio to spice up their song “Rocket Queen.” He explained, “We lit up some candles for atmosphere, then (the woman) and Axl went out into the live room, got down on the floor by the drum riser, and we recorded (their) performance,” he recalled. “Enjoy it – it’s right there in the final mix.”
KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

Unsurprisingly, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has enough crazy stories to fill a book. His 2010 memoir "Life" contained an anecdote from his younger years when he was driving his bandmates in his car, which was filled with hidden drugs. "I had a denim cap with all these pockets in it that were filled with dope," he said. "Everything was filled with dope. In the car doors themselves, all you had to do was pop the panels, and there were plastic bags of coke and grass, peyote and mescaline. Oh my god, how are we going to get out of this?" he recalled asking himself.

Unsurprisingly, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has enough crazy stories to fill a book. His 2010 memoir “Life” contained an anecdote from his younger years when he was driving his bandmates in his car, which was filled with hidden drugs. “I had a denim cap with all these pockets in it that were filled with dope,” he said. “Everything was filled with dope. In the car doors themselves, all you had to do was pop the panels, and there were plastic bags of coke and grass, peyote, and mescaline. Oh my god, how are we going to get out of this?” he recalled asking himself.
KEVIN MAZUR/WIREIMAGE

Richards, whose past drug use is well-documented, also famously admitted to NME magazine in 1997 that he ingested his father's ashes, which he mixed with cocaine. "My dad wouldn’t have cared," he said. "It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.” 

Richards, whose past drug use is well-documented, also famously admitted to NME magazine in 1997 that he ingested his father’s ashes, which he mixed with cocaine. “My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said. “It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”
DOMINIC TARLE/EPA

The members of Mötley Crüe – Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx –collaborated on the 2001 autobiography "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band," featuring pithy stories like this one from Lee: “I announced to everyone that I was embarking on a solo tour. Not a music tour, but a tour of drugs and prostitutes.” 

The members of Mötley Crüe – Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx –collaborated on the 2001 autobiography “The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band,” featuring pithy stories like this one from Lee: “I announced to everyone that I was embarking on a solo tour. Not a music tour, but a tour of drugs and prostitutes.”
J. KIELY JR., ASSOCIATED PRESS

"The Dirt" also featured an anecdote about Tommy Lee's debaucherous 1986 wedding to his second wife, actress Heather Locklear. "Rudy, one of techs, gave us the best toast ever: 'To Tommy and Heather,' he said, raising a champagne glass. 'May all your ups and downs be in bed.' Then he took the champagne glass and smashed it over his head."

“The Dirt” also featured an anecdote about Tommy Lee’s debaucherous 1986 wedding to his second wife, actress Heather Locklear. “Rudy, one of techs, gave us the best toast ever: ‘To Tommy and Heather,’ he said, raising a champagne glass. ‘May all your ups and downs be in bed.’ Then he took the champagne glass and smashed it over his head.”
MICHAEL TWEED/AP

Six years after &quot;The Dirt&quot; came out, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx published his own book, 2007's &quot;The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star,&quot; which recounted his descent towards rock bottom. &quot;There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control,&quot; he wrote.<br /> &nbsp;

Six years after “The Dirt” came out, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx published his own book, 2007’s “The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star,” which recounted his descent towards rock bottom. “There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control,” he wrote.
VALERIE MACON, AFP/GETTY IMAGES

One of rock 'n' roll's most shocking &ndash; not to mention cautionary&nbsp;&ndash; tales come from Marilyn Manson, who claimed in a&nbsp;1995 interview with High Times that he ground up human bones and smoked them.&nbsp;&quot;It was terrible,&quot; he said. &quot;It smelled like burnt hair, gave you a really bad headache and made your eyes red.&quot;

One of rock ‘n’ roll’s most shocking – not to mention cautionary – tales come from Marilyn Manson, who claimed in a 1995 interview with High Times that he ground up human bones and smoked them. “It was terrible,” he said. “It smelled like burnt hair, gave you a really bad headache, and made your eyes red.”
CHRIS PIZZELLO, INVISION/AP

&ldquo;It was (a decadent lifestyle),&rdquo; Manson told Spin in 2003 about his recording process. &ldquo;I think (collaborator Trent Reznor) felt unable to deal with it, and it crumbled our relationship. I would go to bed at 7 a.m., wake up at 4 p.m. and then begin drinking and doing drugs. The funniest point &ndash; which is something I just watched a videotape of &ndash; was a day when I wore only a blond wig, a Burger King crown and a paper towel tube around my (expletive). I walked around like that in broad daylight. To me, that&rsquo;s true rock &amp; roll, and I&rsquo;m not afraid to go there again.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> &nbsp;

“It was (a decadent lifestyle),” Manson told Spin in 2003 about his recording process. “I think (collaborator Trent Reznor) felt unable to deal with it, and it crumbled our relationship. I would go to bed at 7 a.m., wake up at 4 p.m. and then begin drinking and doing drugs. The funniest point – which is something I just watched a videotape of – was a day when I wore only a blond wig, a Burger King crown, and a paper towel tube around my (expletive). I walked around like that in broad daylight. To me, that’s true rock & roll, and I’m not afraid to go there again.”

JACK FORDYCE / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Perhaps rock 'n' roll's craziest 21st birthday party belonged to The Who's late drummer Keith Moon, who recounted the night's&nbsp;bacchanalia at a Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan, in a&nbsp;1972 Rolling Stone interview.&nbsp; &quot;By the time the sheriff came in I was standing there in (my) underpants,&quot; he recalled. &quot;I ran out, jumped into the first car I came to, which was a brand new Lincoln Continental. It was parked on a slight hill and when I took the handbrake off, it started to roll and it smashed straight through this pool surround [fence] and the whole Lincoln Continental went into the (Holiday) Inn swimming pool, with me in it. We&rsquo;d also destroyed a piano. Completely destroyed it. Reduced it to kindling. And don&rsquo;t forget the carpet. And the Lincoln Continental in the bottom of the pool. So I got a bill for $24,000.&quot;

Perhaps rock ‘n’ roll’s craziest 21st birthday party belonged to The Who’s late drummer Keith Moon, who recounted the night’s bacchanalia at a Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan, in a 1972 Rolling Stone interview.  “By the time the sheriff came in I was standing there in (my) underpants,” he recalled. “I ran out, jumped into the first car I came to, which was a brand new Lincoln Continental. It was parked on a slight hill and when I took the handbrake off, it started to roll and it smashed straight through this pool surround [fence] and the whole Lincoln Continental went into the (Holiday) Inn swimming pool, with me in it. We’d also destroyed a piano. Completely destroyed it. Reduced it to kindling. And don’t forget the carpet. And the Lincoln Continental in the bottom of the pool. So I got a bill for $24,000.”
S. THORGERSON, ©HIPGNOSIS

Such hijinks are not solely the domain of men.&nbsp; Jefferson Airplane singer Grace Slick shared her own tales in her 1999 book, &quot;Somebody to Love? A Rock-and-Roll Memoir.&quot;&nbsp;A sample: &quot;Having ingested the entire contents of the mini-bar in my hotel room before I arrived at the venue for the show, I stuck my fingers in this guy's nostrils just because I thought they'd probably fit.&quot;

Such hijinks are not solely the domain of men.  Jefferson Airplane singer Grace Slick shared her own tales in her 1999 book, “Somebody to Love? A Rock-and-Roll Memoir.” A sample: “Having ingested the entire contents of the mini-bar in my hotel room before I arrived at the venue for the show, I stuck my fingers in this guy’s nostrils just because I thought they’d probably fit.”
REED SAXON, ASSOCIATED PRESS

Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis detailed his history of bad behavior in his 2005 autobiography &quot;Scar Tissue. Recounting one example of excess, he and guitarist&nbsp;Hillel Slovak, a fellow heroin addict, were trying to steer clear of that drug while on tour.&nbsp;So instead they&nbsp;would drink copious amounts of&nbsp; Jagermeister because it &quot;gave us the feeling closest&quot; to that drug's high.&nbsp;The Jagermeister high was at least enough to prompt Kiedis to &quot;take off all my clothes in the motel and walk down the hall and knock on people's doors.&quot;&nbsp;

Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis detailed his history of bad behavior in his 2005 autobiography “Scar Tissue. Recounting one example of excess, he and guitarist Hillel Slovak, a fellow heroin addict, were trying to steer clear of that drug while on tour. So instead they would drink copious amounts of  Jagermeister because it “gave us the feeling closest” to that drug’s high. The Jagermeister high was at least enough to prompt Kiedis to “take off all my clothes in the motel and walk down the hall and knock on people’s doors.”
AMY HARRIS, INVISION/AP

Kiedis also recalled meeting a girl on tour in the mid-'80s and bringing her on their tour bus, only to have the encounter go terribly wrong. &quot;'I&nbsp;have something to tell you,'&quot; she told him.&nbsp;&quot;'My father's the chief of police and the entire state of Louisiana is looking for me because I've gone missing. Oh, and besides that, I'm only fourteen.' &quot; How did he react?&nbsp; &quot;I wasn't incredibly scared,&quot; he wrote, &quot;because in my somewhat deluded mind, I knew that if she told the chief of police she was in love with me, he wasn't going to have me taken out to a field and shot, but I did want to get her the (expletive) back home right away.&quot;

Kiedis also recalled meeting a girl on tour in the mid-’80s and bringing her on their tour bus, only to have the encounter go terribly wrong. “‘I have something to tell you,'” she told him. “‘My father’s the chief of police and the entire state of Louisiana is looking for me because I’ve gone missing. Oh, and besides that, I’m only fourteen.’ ” How did he react?  “I wasn’t incredibly scared,” he wrote, “because in my somewhat deluded mind, I knew that if she told the chief of police she was in love with me, he wasn’t going to have me taken out to a field and shot, but I did want to get her the (expletive) back home right away.”
FERNANDO BIZERRA/EPA-EFE

In a&nbsp;2014 Reddit AMA,&nbsp;AC/DC's Angus Young described the time&nbsp;his guitar amplifier caught on fire while he was recording his the solo for 1977's &quot;Let There Be Rock.&quot; &quot;Yes, it was on fire and I had to keep playing until the end, because my brother was in the control room, and yelling out 'KEEP GOING!' &ndash; so I had to keep going until the thing kind of went into meltdown,&quot; he wrote. &quot;And on this album, 'Rock or Bust,' we had the same thing ... my amp just went on fire. And I didn't even know! I thought it was a cigarette going. But (producer Brendan&nbsp; O'Brien) was shouting out, 'Ang, you're on fire!' &quot;<br /> &nbsp;

In a 2014 Reddit AMA, AC/DC’s Angus Young described the time his guitar amplifier caught on fire while he was recording his solo for 1977’s “Let There Be Rock.” “Yes, it was on fire and I had to keep playing until the end because my brother was in the control room, and yelling out ‘KEEP GOING!’ – so I had to keep going until the thing kind of went into meltdown,” he wrote. “And on this album, ‘Rock or Bust,’ we had the same thing … my amp just went on fire. And I didn’t even know! I thought it was a cigarette going. But (producer Brendan  O’Brien) was shouting out, ‘Ang, you’re on fire!’ “
WINSLOW TOWNSON/INVISION/AP

The drug habits of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry were so legendary, they became known as the &quot;toxic twins.&quot; In Tyler's 2012 autobiography &quot;Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?&quot; he recounted how Perry kept &quot;vials of coke with straws in them at the back of the stage, and when the lights would go out he&rsquo;d go over there like he was checking something or making a guitar change and (a roadie) would put the straw in his nose; he&rsquo;d take a hit, then the lights would come on again.&rdquo;

The drug habits of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry were so legendary, they became known as the “toxic twins.” In Tyler’s 2012 autobiography “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” he recounted how Perry kept “vials of coke with straws in them at the back of the stage, and when the lights would go out he’d go over there like he was checking something or making a guitar change and (a roadie) would put the straw in his nose; he’d take a hit, then the lights would come on again.”
ANGELA WEISS/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

In his &quot;I am Ozzy&quot; memoir, &nbsp;Ozzy Osbourne revealed the cocaine-inspired original title of Black Sabbath's 1972 album &quot;Vol. 4.&quot; He wrote,&nbsp;&quot;For me, 'Snowblind' was one of Black Sabbath's best-ever albums &ndash; although, the record company wouldn't let us keep the title, 'cos in those days cocaine was a big deal, and they didn't want the hassle of a controversy.&quot;

In his “I am Ozzy” memoir,  Ozzy Osbourne revealed the cocaine-inspired original title of Black Sabbath’s 1972 album “Vol. 4.” He wrote, “For me, ‘Snowblind’ was one of Black Sabbath’s best-ever albums – although, the record company wouldn’t let us keep the title, ‘cos in those days cocaine was a big deal, and they didn’t want the hassle of a controversy.”
FRAZER HARRISON / GETTY IMAGES

Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi elaborated on Osbourne's wild behavior in a 1992 interview with Guitar World. &quot;We were all in an elevator in this real plush hotel, and Ozzy decides to (relieve himself). As he's doing it, the elevator is going down to the reception floor. The door opens suddenly &ndash; and there's Ozzy with his pants around his knees. And all these people in fur coats are just staring at him with their mouths open.&quot;

Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi elaborated on Osbourne’s wild behavior in a 1992 interview with Guitar World. “We were all in an elevator in this real plush hotel, and Ozzy decides to (relieve himself). As he’s doing it, the elevator is going down to the reception floor. The door opens suddenly – and there’s Ozzy with his pants around his knees. And all these people in fur coats are just staring at him with their mouths open.”
RUSTY KENNEDY, AP

Iggy Pop detailed his raucous 1970s in the anthology &quot;Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk.&quot; He noted that one time,&nbsp;he was confronted by Elton John in a gorilla costume, and was so high he thought Elton was a real gorilla. &quot;I'd taken so many downers the night before, they threw me in the bushes, just left me in the shrubbery next to the Days Inn. I woke up and I couldn't talk ... I could barely stand up, and that night Elton John came out onstage in a gorilla costume. I was like, 'Oh my god! What do I do?' I couldn't fight him.&quot;

Iggy Pop detailed his raucous 1970s in the anthology “Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk.” He noted that one time, he was confronted by Elton John in a gorilla costume, and was so high he thought Elton was a real gorilla. “I’d taken so many downers the night before, they threw me in the bushes, just left me in the shrubbery next to the Days Inn. I woke up and I couldn’t talk … I could barely stand up, and that night Elton John came out onstage in a gorilla costume. I was like, ‘Oh my god! What do I do?’ I couldn’t fight him.”
NAOMI RAHIM, WIREIMAGE

In his 2011 memoir &nbsp;&ldquo;Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock,&rdquo; Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar (bottom left) detailed the band's&nbsp;infamous backstage changing areas, which the band and its crew referred to as &quot;sex tents.&quot; He shared more details in an interview that year with&nbsp;&nbsp;Boston&rsquo;s WZLX 100.7 FM. &quot;I&rsquo;d walk down there when Eddie (Van Halen) was doing his solo, but sometimes there&rsquo;d be four or five girls down there, which was to my order. Sometimes it was and the roadies were just like, &lsquo;Hey, these girls wanted to meet you.&rsquo; And I&rsquo;m like, &lsquo;Here I am!&rsquo; &nbsp;You start changing your clothes because they&rsquo;re all sweaty. You have a 20-minute break, and it&rsquo;s like, next!'&quot;<br /> &nbsp;

In his 2011 memoir  “Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock,” Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar (bottom left) detailed the band’s infamous backstage changing areas, which the band and its crew referred to as “sex tents.” He shared more details in an interview that year with  Boston’s WZLX 100.7 FM. “I’d walk down there when Eddie (Van Halen) was doing his solo, but sometimes there’d be four or five girls down there, which was to my order. Sometimes it was and the roadies were just like, ‘Hey, these girls wanted to meet you.’ And I’m like, ‘Here I am!’  You start changing your clothes because they’re all sweaty. You have a 20-minute break, and it’s like, next!'”
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sting's 1998 biography &quot;Demolition Man&quot; delved into the singer's tantric sex habits, in which he would hold himself back while making love for several hours at a time. He later debunked the rumors about it during a 2014 &quot;Inside the Actor's Studio&quot; interview.&nbsp;&quot;If we had seven hours, I would demonstrate,&quot; he said. &quot;Maybe not. But there is some truth to it. The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don't know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, 'sacrament.' I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.&quot;

Sting’s 1998 biography “Demolition Man” delved into the singer’s tantric sex habits, in which he would hold himself back while making love for several hours at a time. He later debunked the rumors about it during a 2014 “Inside the Actor’s Studio” interview. “If we had seven hours, I would demonstrate,” he said. “Maybe not. But there is some truth to it. The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don’t know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, ‘sacrament.’ I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.”

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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13 Reasons Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone

Here’s a post a friend of mine on here sent me. She describes herself as a cranky, jaded introvert. 

But I agree with her on many of these points. I ran into a woman I haven’t seen in probably two years. She looked healthy but seemed exactly the same as she was when I met her over five years ago. Fifteen minutes into the conversation I was already bored. Without the distraction of other people at a bar or the excitement of attending an event, she seemed dull. I’ve come to realize how rampant mental illness is in today’s world.

I believe as we age we need to continually evolve to be better. But I think we can all agree that during this pandemic we really found out who our real friends are.

Anyway… Take it away, Donna!

I used to be one of those girls who was absolutely desperate to be popular, have friends, and be around people.

As I get older, I’ve realized that I’ve turned into a grumpy, crotchety lady who really doesn’t want to be around people.

“Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind,” says Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts, “They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy.”

To a point, it’s becoming more of an introvert is a natural process that can’t be helped.

Here’s why you become more introverted and start to hate everyone as you get old — and why I’m OK with turning into a misanthrope.

1. The older you get, the more often people have let you down.

All those Disney songs about having friends who never disappoint you or bail on you clearly haven’t taken into account the majority of the human race.

By the time that you’re 20, you’ve probably been dealt major blows by people you never thought would hurt you, and that makes you really jaded toward people.

2. As you age, the fun of being around people begins to disappear.

Popularity stops being cool when you realize how much money it costs to be popular, and how much of a time-waster it is.

3. You learn over time that people ruin the coolest things.

Ever notice how it only takes one stupid person’s actions to ruin a good thing? Ever notice how many good things get ruined this way?

This is why we can’t have awesome things: stupid people!

4. You find that most people you meet are boring as hell.

Their entire lives revolve around things that aren’t important. They don’t really make you think about anything in particular. They are boring, and there’s a certain point where boring becomes a reason not to talk to them.

If I do hang out with people, I want them to have a real spark inside them, and that just doesn’t really happen too often.

5. You discover that ninety-nine percent of the people you meet are fake.

I hate the fact that most people I’ve met can’t talk about how they really feel, what they’re really going through, or what they honestly think about you.

At the end of the day, most people will sugarcoat things that shouldn’t be sugarcoated, and most people won’t tell you the full truth, even if it’s an absolute necessity.

6. You realize that dealing with people’s drama is exhausting.

I’d rather watch TV.

The drama is more entertaining and it won’t negatively affect me.

7. You find that most get-togethers quickly become incredibly boring.

Let’s face it: most people don’t want to go to those tired dinner parties thrown by their bosses anyway.

8. As years pass, your tolerance for people judging you and telling you what to do shrinks to zero.

People always love to get angry when you don’t live the way they want you to live.

I’m too old to have people judge me, try to control me, or tell me how to live my life. Shouldn’t others be more worried about their lives instead?

9. The longer you’ve been alive, the worse people treat you in general.

When you’re a kid, everyone coos at you and coddles you. When you’re a teenager, everyone hates you. When you’re an adult, everyone hates you and expects you to do stuff for them.

I don’t recall signing up for this BS.

10. By the time you’re 30, you realize that your pets are more mature than the people you regularly talk to.

That might be why I prefer to drink wine with my cats.

11. There’s a certain point where you can’t deal with people’s shallow behavior.

If I was 300 pounds, I could guarantee that men wouldn’t want anything to do with me and that people, in general, would make mean comments about my weight.

Knowing this made me really worn out when it came to talking to people. I don’t want to bother with people who would discard me based on how much I weigh, what I wear, or how I look.

12. People have really messed up expectations about how others should treat them, versus how they treat others.

With most people, manners have gone the way of the dodo, but they have no problem expecting others to be nice to them.

I’m so over it.

13. When push comes to shove, getting older also means that you realize that most people aren’t worth it.

This makes the few people who are worth talking to all the more precious.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

7 Reasons He Doesn’t Trust Being In A Relationship With You

You can’t get past his trust issues if neither of you knows what causes them in the first place.

When you first start dating a guy, he’s on his best behavior, showing you the best parts of himself.

It’s not until much later that you see him as a whole human being, complete with flaws. And one of those flaws may come in the form of trust issues.

Why do men have trust issues in relationships?

Most people experience trust issues in their relationships at some point in their lives. But sometimes a man has been harmed far more than you realized at first.

True intimacy can only be experienced once both partners have jumped over such hurdles and learned how to be fully vulnerable with one another.

While you can follow conventional relationship advice and simply stop seeing him, you could also choose to take some time to discover why he feels the way he does.

Here are 7 commons reasons men have trust issues in a relationship. Do any of them sound familiar?

1. He hasn’t faced his issues head-on.

Perhaps the greatest obstacle to emotional intimacy for a man in a relationship is his struggle around trust. My mentor opined, “Where there’s no trust, there’s no love,” which is a painful truth for men with trust issues.

The negative consequences of not being able to trust push some men to face their issue, and many opt to work with other men, do individual therapy, read self-help books, or be in a relationship with a woman who’s willing to be his partner while he resolves his trust issues. While it may seem smarter for a woman to find a man without trust issues, the reality is that trust issues for men are ubiquitous.

2. He never learned how to trust.

I’ve worked with men for decades, and I counsel men via Skype. What I’ve gleaned from my own experience, as well as my work with other men, is that a substantial number of men’s trust issues originated in childhood, which is when the trust was supposed to be learned from parents, but often wasn’t.

Unfortunately, the parents didn’t always relate to their children from an emotional place other than anger, and as a result, weren’t the best emotional role models.

A parent’s promise wasn’t necessarily a guaranty for many boys, and while it may not have been their intention, promises not kept felt like betrayal and affected their ability to trust.

3. He doesn’t want to dredge up his past.

A boy’s learned lack of trust follows him into his relationships with women as well as other men, and it hobbles him until he’s suffered enough to face the emotional work. Sadly, few men dig into their trust issue because doing so churns up old and painful demons, and while my experience demonstrates that other men can best help him, it’s a catch-22 situation because he doesn’t trust other men sufficient to work with them.

Trust issues affect many aspects of a man’s life and often with painful consequences. Their friendships with other men remain mostly surface, and their relationships with women are in constant struggle around trust. Trust issues can make a man a cynical loner and feel unlovable.

4. He doesn’t have a support system.

How can a woman be in a successful relationship with a man grappling with trust? First and foremost, the work to move beyond his trust issues is his alone, and the most a woman can do is offer her patient, compassionate support.

What does that look like? Men with trust issues are typically insecure about their partner’s love and frequently ask her for reassurance. A hug, a compassionate smile, or a simple declaration of love can all help a man feel that he can trust.

But the caveat to this support is that a woman can’t take on a man’s trust issues as hers, but rather support him in his work. A man with trust issues needs a partner, not a codependent.

5. He still has unfounded concerns from spilling over from his past.

My trust issues were cemented by a violent, abusive boyhood. My father taught me by example that men couldn’t be trusted, and my mother followed his lead. As a consequence, I wasn’t a piece of cake for any woman until I began doing the difficult work around my trust issues.

While I’ve learned to open my heart, those trust demons still pop up occasionally. When they do and I’m finding it difficult to let them go, I ask my partner if she still loves me, to which she asks if I’m fishing, which is her way of letting me know my concerns are unfounded.

When I consider the myriad of men I’ve worked with over the years, it’s clear my trust issues aren’t unique.

6. He was betrayed by a woman before you.

A woman’s betrayal is another event that can shut a man’s heart down and prevent him from trusting women again. A man who has been betrayed and had his feelings crushed isn’t going to willingly repeat that experience.

Part of the problem is that few men face their pain, heal their wounds, and ignore it until it festers and affects their ability to be emotionally open or honest. A man’s fear of having his heart broken again lives in his psyche until he comes to grip with it.

7. He hasn’t yet done his work.

I counsel men individually, and I urge those that don’t seek counseling to become involved with other men in confidential groups where they can trace the source of their trust issues together and resolve them. I urge women to encourage men to pursue this work with other men because it will improve the quality of their relationship.

When the women I coach ask what they should look for in men my suggestion is to date a man who has faced or is facing his issues in therapy, a man’s group, through reading books about his issue, who has problem resolution skills, and an emotional vocabulary.

Every relationship faces difficult times, and a man who hasn’t learned problem resolution skills will find resolving relationship issues impossible.

These skills aren’t innate in many men but learned instead. Emotional health is as important as physical health for partners in a relationship.

I urge men harboring trust or other demons to work on them before beginning a relationship. Showing up whole, or on the mend is only fair.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

11 Cute Things To Say When You Can’t Say I Love You Back … Yet

Just don’t be awkward about it. (No pressure, though.)

You might not be ready to say the L-word, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or don’t appreciate the fact that your new boyfriend or girlfriend said “I love you.”

So when it comes to deciding what you should say in return, it’s all about the delivery and meaning you put behind your words.

I think we all know that saying “Thank you” as a response is a huge slap in the face when someone says I love you for the first time, even if you do appreciate it.

1. “I’m not ready to say that back, but I do know that you’re important to me.”

Honesty is important in any relationship. If you’re not ready, it’s as simple as that. You shouldn’t feel obligated to say it, and they should know that.

It might sting a little, but as long as you can at least help them understand that they are important to you, patience will be a little easier to come by. They’ll appreciate that you don’t take this lightly, and it’ll make the moment you do say it that much sweeter.

2. “I’m so happy to have you in my life.”

Say it, mean it, repeat it.

If you’re happy with this person, isn’t that a big part of what love means anyway?

3. “I’ve never felt like this before, so I’m trying to understand it.”

Don’t say it unless you mean it. Feelings can be confusing. And scary. And fast. We all have our own pace.

Take time to understand it yourself, and you’ll know if and when you’re ready to say it to them.

4. “You make me so happy, and I appreciate you so much.”

So this is kind of a combo of a couple of things. But at the very least, it’s important to make the other person feel safe and secure. Saying I love you takes a lot of courage. Make sure they understand that you don’t think they’re weird for saying it when they did.

And if they did it made you feel uncomfortable that they did, well, that’s another story.

5. *Express your feelings with a kiss*

You might not be able to say exactly what they want to hear right away, but hey, sometimes actions speak louder than words!

Just don’t just kiss them to avoid responding altogether. That could be kind of awkward.

6. “I think I’m beginning to feel the same.”

If you say it like that, you kinda, sorta, maybe said it back too, right?

Like, you’re pretty sure that you’re sure … maybe?

7. “That means so much to me.”

And it does! Keep an honest smile with it. You can add whatever spice of life to this one.

“That means a lot to me, and I wish I could say it back, but something’s stopping me.”

“That means a lot to me, and I think I’m on the same road.”

You’ve got this.

8. “I really care about you.”

“I care about you so much, and it makes me happy to hear you say that.”

Even if you can’t say the L-word, you can help them to understand how you feel in the moment.

9. Hug it out.

This is a very vulnerable moment. Some physical contact can help him or her feel safe again.

10. “Why?”

If the statement took you aback, or if you’re not sure if they really mean it, go ahead and ask. Let them tell you what drove them to say it.

Their answer might just be what inspires you to say it too — or realize that you’ve been giving off the wrong signals.

11. Say it through your actions.

Are you ready to write it? Show it? Maybe forming the words in your mouth is hard for you because you’ve never said it before, or because you have and you’ve been hurt, so now you’re scared.

Try saying it in a different way. Write them a little letter, take them out, whatever.

The ability to say those actual three words will come when it feels right.

I don’t know what’s holding you back, and maybe you don’t even know what’s holding you back, but it’s okay. Don’t feel pressured. When it feels right, you’ll know.

Until then, keep doing what you’ve been doing to make them fall in love with you in the first place!

 

https://www.theabsolutedater.com/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Supremely Cringy First Date Horror Stories

You probably swapped as many pretty awful first date horror stories with your friends as potential mates you’ve swiped left on Tinder. When it comes to horrible first dates, they’re no different than taxes or puberty: everyone hates them, but everyone’s gotta get through them. Thankfully, the very worst first dates often become hilarious stories in hindsight, though some remain, complete terrors, even years after the fact. Plus, many horrible first dates provide you excellent excuses to end a creepy-ass date before it goes too far. The people of Reddit shared their worst first dates and they definitely do not disappoint. You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Didn’t think so.

“Eh?”
“He asks me out to dinner, but instead of a restaurant he pulls into an empty parking lot and pulls out his half flaccid dick. He looks at me with a shrug and goes ‘Eh!?’ I look him in the eye all stern like for a good minute before he zips up his pants and he drives me back home in complete silence. Only when we pull into my driveway he said ‘Your eyes are too big for your face…’ I just get out and start walking to my door, but he gets out too, I figure to apologize. But no, he tries to kiss me goodnight.”
“You Like Being Daddy’s Little Sl*t”

“So I matched with this dude who seemed nice, and we agree to meet up at a coffee shop. Talking is awkward, but from the get-go, he was giving me some neck-beardy vibes. Example: I complimented his American traditional style tattoo and his response was: ‘Huh I didn’t think girls would know anything about tattoos.’ Note that this was after me talking about the tattoos I have. He also tried to forcefully order for me, which I brushed off like ‘Lol no,’ figuring it was all whatever, he’s just nervous and trying to show off or some sh*t.

Everything was still going okay until he walked me to my car. We hugged, and he leaned in for a kiss. I think ‘Whatever, I don’t care, that’s fine.’ We were making out a little and I felt his hand moving up to my face, and I thought ‘Oh, okay, he’s just going to put his hand on the back of my neck or my chin or in my hair or whatever.

NOPE. I WAS WRONG. SO WRONG. This mother*cker decided it was a swell idea to start choking me. At this point, it would be pertinent to mention I’m a 5’8″ female of average size, and he was a 6’2″ stocky dude. I froze, because that’s my response to threatening situations, and he leaned over and whispered in my ear ‘Yeah, you like that? You like being daddy’s little sl*t.’ I was just sitting there waiting for him to let go of my neck because I am pinned against the car. I finally managed to stammer out a ‘Wuh-what’ and he proceeded to tighten his grip and repeat the question, to which my survival instincts are screaming “SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO” so I just managed to choke out ‘Yes sir’ and he let me go. I proceeded to get the f*ck out of there and chewed him out after the fact.”

Their Date “Knew” The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse

“This was by far the most terrifying/hilarious date I had ever been on. Years ago, I was a junior in high school and he was in college. We had been texting casually for a few weeks. One weekend, he met my friend and me at a local concert. When it was over, the friend I got a ride from had to leave urgently, so this guy offered to drive me home. No big deal, I thought, I needed a ride. We went to dinner and it was very nice. Nothing weird nothing suspicious.

Then came the ride home. My house was about 45 minutes away through isolated freeways in the desert. (Accepting a ride was not my proudest moment, I admit) He talked the entire ride and it went from normal small talk to him saying that he has superpowers. He said that when he was in high school he went to an alternate dimension and couldn’t find his way back. The only way for him to find his way was to sell his soul to a merchant he found in this other dimension. When he got back to this dimension he had superpowers and could control people’s emotions. He then creepily leaned over and said ‘I can make you feel anything right now…’

He also said he knew the four horsemen of the apocalypse and that he was going to help me during the end of the world. At this point, I was convinced I was going to end up in a garbage bag on the side of the road. But I got home safe. Never talked to him again until he was my server at a restaurant years later and was extremely awkward.”

His Dead Cold Eyes

“A coworker who asked me out for a drink after work. He wasn’t really my usual type but always seemed sweet so I figured I’d give it a shot. We hit a bar, and all seems well until he apparently has one too many. He starts telling me stories about his past and how he was basically a knee-breaker/hitman for some crime organization out of Mexico. He gives me tons of details about methods and the going rates for XYZ. The stories get progressively worse and more graphic, but still, I’m not really believing any of this. I think he’s trying to (very weirdly) impress me.

He’s quiet for a minute, stares off into space, and then leans over to me and his eyes just go dead cold. He tells me that if someone paid him $5,000, he would cut off one of my hands. But since we’re friends, he would do it quick and clean at the wrist and put the hand on ice so I could possibly save it.

I start believing him then. I tell him I’m feeling sick and have to go home. I stayed ‘friendly’ with him at work until he eventually got fired for stealing from the bar – I was very concerned about the ramifications of no longer being on his good side.

I still don’t know if I believe his stories about being a hired killer, but I do believe that he fantasized about it deeply enough to scare the sh*t out of me. I’ve never been happier to see someone disappear.”

MJ In The House

“It was with a guy I worked with. He picked me up from my desk dressed up like Michael Jackson, including tape around his fingers and a surgical mask on his face. He was a plump, 5’6″ white guy with blond hair, making it somehow even weirder that he was trying to look like Michael Jackson.”

He Wanted Violence

“This one guy complained about how he resented that nobody would let him talk to them about the dark side of life, including violence. I mentioned that I have a hard time watching violence against animals on TV. (I meant reality TV shows that show stories of animals who have been abused.) His face perked up, and he asked which TV show had violence against animals. There was an eagerness in how he asked which creeped me the f*ck out. I left quickly.”

Seriously, Dude?

“I went to the cinema and I felt very uncomfortable with my date, so said I wanted to leave. He then proceeds to say, ‘Let me guess, nerves, overprotective parent, wanting to leave, have you been raped before?’ The date ended right there.”

Illuminati

“I have one that’s more ‘weird’ than it was terrible. It’s a doozy. When I was 19, I was working at a shop in a less-traveled part of downtown. It was wintertime, and my hometown is dead in the winter, so there was very little foot traffic. I was working alone on a Saturday night.

A cute backpacker guy came into the shop. At the time, I considered myself to have hippie leanings, so he was just my type (yeah, I had one long skirt and wore jewelry I bought from street vendors. That’s as far as that went. Totally pretentious and naive).

We got to chatting, and he said he’d just gotten into town and was looking for suggestions on ‘fun things to do.’ I directed him to the nearest nightclubs on the next block, and he left while I went about my business. He came back sometime later to tell me that the clubs weren’t really his scene, and invited me to hang out with him at his grandparents’ place, which was on lakefront property. I agreed to it, like an idiot, all excited and flattered that this hot scruffy guy had asked me ‘out,’ thinking it was romantic or some sh*t.

Well, I went there after I closed the shop down at 10 PM. I got to the address he had given me, and it looked like a nice enough place but there were no grandparents to be seen. I wondered briefly if he had just broken in to some random property, but he seemed familiar with a few key things. I stayed, and he made me Kraft Dinner, which was pretty cool.

Then, we sat inside and he began talking about all the occult/Illuminati symbols on the American dollar bill, that everything in the U.S. is a giant conspiracy run by them, etc., etc. At this point, I was feeling uncomfortable. He told me about some experience he had in Tofino (a small, hippie-ish town on Vancouver Island) where he was on the beach and apparently saw hippies come out of the forest, draw a big circle in the sand, and then dance and chant around it in the moon/candlelight (honestly, this one could have been true). He told me about some spooky supernatural experiences he had in Stanley Park in Vancouver that also cemented his belief in ghosts. Then – the kicker – he told me he could see auras. So far, all of this could be just some hippie/free-spirit guy talking about his beliefs, yes? But he said that he believed that he was descended from the wizard Merlin since Merlin had a grey aura and so did he. He believed he was a wizard and had some kind of powers and that’s why all these weird things kept happening to him.

I had to go.

I told him I had to work early. Then, I get outside and it was the first snowstorm of the year – hooray! I could barely get my car up the driveway but finally did (no way was I going back inside or considering staying the night). At the time, I thought he was weird but was more worried about driving in the snow or waking up my parents after being out so late. He texted me once or twice after that, but I kept telling him I was busy.

I should have known better. Way better. That was so, so dangerous. Nobody knew where I was, so I was extremely lucky that he was harmless. When I tell the story to friends, they laugh about my date with a wizard, but I shudder to think of how dumb I was – it’s more about that than about some kooky dude.”

Lick It Right Up

“When I was a senior in high school, I went out with this guy after school. We grabbed some smoothies, smoked a blunt, and were planning on doing the boop, until he picked a zit when he thought I wasn’t looking, and while his face bled he LICKED HIS FINGER. I thought I was going to puke”

Straight-Up Stabbed

“Got straight-up stabbed.’ Friends set me up on a blind date and swore I’d ‘totally love her.’ She was weird at the beginning of the date and just kept getting weirder – clingy and possessive, even though we’d just met, etc.

I excused myself to hit the restroom (the joys of beer) and she hauled to the back and stabbed me in the arm with her knife, claiming I was ‘totally running off on her to make out with the cute waitress.’

I got three stitches, she got an extensive psych hold.

There was no second date.”

Oh, Mario

“On a first date: ‘My great-grandfather’s name is Mario, my grandfather’s name is Mario, my dad’s Mario, I’m Mario, and if you don’t mind, I’ll be naming our child Mario.'”

Fingers Off

“He picked me up at my house and had flowers and a bottle of wine, which for me was way too formal and awkward (I was 18 and he was 27). Then we went to the movies and he would not stop trying to finger me. I finally got so fed up about that I had him drive me home mid-movie .”

Private Time But Not In Private

“The guy kept touching himself. He also ran across the street and didn’t wait for me.”

Just A Little Casual Racism

“‘You’re definitely Chinese. How are you not Chinese?!’

I’m 100% Irish and no matter how many times I stressed this, he would not give up.”

A Parting Gift

“Picked up girl.

Drove to dinner, nice place.

Asks if it’s cool if she smokes.

She pulls out a blunt.

I get pissed off.

She blows smoke in my face.

I kick her out.

She stuck a bloody tampon to my car.”

Meet The Parents

“Dude I matched with online. I was really bored and I like to drive.

He lived about 45 minutes away, but it was up in Big Bear which is really pretty, and did I mention I was bored? He said his truck was broken so I said what the hell, I’ll drive up.

I finally found the place and he meets me outside. He doesn’t have a plan, just says we can go out to the marina by the lake and look at the stars. Ok, I’m hungry, but whatever. Well, the part of the marina we went to was not pretty. It was the backside, the creepy side with construction going on and no one around. I was freaking out a bit but had my knife on me and thought to myself not everyone is bad.

We looked at the stars, talk a bit, and then went back to his place. We walked in the door and his freaking parents were standing at the back door in their underwear looking at raccoons on the back patio. He even introduced me to them and I shook his dad’s hand while he was in nothing but his boxers!

I am too polite of a person and can’t believe it, but I actually went up to the dude’s room. Then he fell asleep on me and I snuck out.

The next day he wouldn’t stop calling me and sending me dick picks at work.”

A Point And A Wink

“I went on a date with a guy I had met online. He wanted to meet for drinks, so I went to the pub and waited. He showed up 20 minutes late on his bicycle, proceeded to come into the bar and down two pints after giving me a point and a wink. I overheard him tell the waitress to “put it on his tab” and then he came over to the table with another beer.

He proceeded to tell me about his two boys (no mention of them in our previous conversation) and how his mom wanted to take them all to Disney World. He told her that would be too expensive, so he left his boys at home and he and his mom went to Disney World instead. Then he proceeded to tell me that he rode his bike everywhere because after his sixth DUI, “those dumb cops” took his license away. He mocked me for drinking water, then in his next breath told me that he could really see falling in love with me. In 20 minutes, I got about ten words out, and most of them were me telling him I had to go.

I later found out that he worked for a friend’s father, and that he was married.”

Mystery Dating

“Got a call from a friend of a friend who I thought I’d met once before asking if I wanted to go out tomorrow (Saturday) night. Sure. I went out to her place about 40 mins away. I realized upon arrival that I didn’t actually know her name. We had dinner, talked, made out a bit, talked about going out again, made out some more, called it a night at around 1 am. I tried several ways to get her to reveal her name, to no avail. I dropped her off at her place, drove home, went to bed.

I realized the following morning that she had never spoken my name either, not on the phone or in person. I further realized that I didn’t have her phone number and called the mutual friend to ask for her number. A mutual friend had no idea who I was talking about. I gave him the address of the girl. He said he didn’t know anyone from that town and the address wasn’t familiar.

Never heard from her again.”

The Cats Out Of The Bag

“Date was dinner and a movie with a girl. We got the movie time wrong so went to dinner first. After ordering she starts looking at her phone a lot and has this weird look on her face. I ask what’s wrong she says her cat has gone missing. She goes outside to make a phone call and comes back 5 minutes later saying we have to go.

I get our food boxed and pay the bill. I drive her back to her dorm and she runs inside with no goodbye. I shrug it off and go eat my boxed cold dinner. Later that night I check Facebook and see her on a date with another guy. I send her a message asking how her cat is.”

Takeout To Take Her Out

“The girl asked if I could buy her something for takeout, mainly because her boyfriend only lets her see other people if he can get a meal out of it when she gets back home.”

https://www.theabsolutedater.com/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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