Tired Of Being Alone? 10 Ways To Enjoy Being Single

Being single has a lot more benefits than we give it credit for.

Depending on whether or not you’ve been in a relationship, being single can be a positive or negative situation. If you’ve been in relationships, then it’s easy to feel more lonely — especially after you’re used to someone being by your side. If you’ve been single for a while, then you’re more comfortable living life for yourself.

Little do we realize what a blessing it can be to be single. We are not promised to find that one person in our lives. Instead, we have to learn to love our family, friends — and most importantly, ourselves. Instead of seeing singleness as a bad thing, it’s important to use this time being alone to see the good parts of not having a partner.

Holding on to perspective can save us from feeling destructive in our season of singleness. These days on shows, finding your true love is the main mission, when in fact loving yourself can be just enough.

Single people are portrayed as someone who is sad or even pitied — but being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Look to the list below to help remind you that there is a beautiful strength that comes with being single. Along with independence, there are plenty of benefits to being single than people give it credit for. Here are ten ways to enjoy being single that beat being in a relationship any day.

1. You get a chance to focus on yourself.

Being in a relationship can take up a lot of time in our lives. You begin sharing your partner’s problems, without having time to meditate on your own.

“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally expensive,” Susan Winter. The amount of stress in a relationship comes as a price for love. Being single activates a self-awareness of taking time to treat ourselves.

2. You become self-sufficient.

Having to live independently forces you to find your inner strength and not have to depend on someone else to be fulfilled. You have more opportunities to chase your own dreams while facing them without a partner.

Taking risks by yourself allows you to take control of your own journey. Instead of having to constantly fit someone else’s schedule, the only one that matters is your own.

3. You prove that you can be financially stable on your own.

If your partner has financial debt, then it becomes a financial burden on you, too. Being single helps you prioritize financial budgeting, without constantly spending it on someone else. This can also help prepare you for any relationship, to notice red flags in a relationship, and to help you stay financially independent once you’re with someone else.

Take time to look up financial gurus like David Ramsey, and enjoy having control over your finances. This gives you more free time to go out with family and friends, without worrying about over-spending.

4. Self-care is a top priority.

Activities like exercising, meditating, journaling, socializing with friends and more help promote nourishment to our brain. Happy chemicals like dopamine other endorphins encourage positive energy, not only for life but for others.

The single-season refrains us from pushing time for ourselves for someone else. Instead, we’re inspired to go on an adventure of self-reflection. Our identity is essential on our journey through life. Sometimes steering away from relationships forces us, to remember our strengths and weaknesses.

5. You have time to focus on your spirituality.

After experiencing a breakup myself, I notice that getting back to being close to God has become a reality for me. My relationship had to come to an end, but having a relationship with God became the goal.

There’s a personal intimacy with God when you’re single again — where I realize my heart is healing from the separation. This was a time to work on me so that God can morph me into the strong individual woman He needs me to be.

6. You have better connections with your friends.

Yes, your girl or boyfriend might have steered you further away from friends. Take this opportunity to reconnect with them and make more memories. True friends will always be there until the end.

A good friend will always remind your strengths and encourage you to keep moving forward. They will want nothing more than to see you grow, not just in the world, but in yourself.

7. The only person you have to compare to is yourself.

Being single, you start to learn that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. We all have a chance to grow in life and learn more about ourselves each day. If your partner didn’t want to try something that you were curious about, now is that time to chase after your curiosity!

Being single offers independence to build yourself, so if you meet someone new, then you’ll love yourself enough to prepare for anything. You don’t need someone to feel complete. You need to feel complete with your own life before you jump into another relationship.

8. You have the opportunity to travel whenever and wherever you want.

Waiting for your partner to be available for a trip can leave you feeling disconnected from the world. Grab a couple of close friends or family and hit the road.

Look far into the horizon, knowing you’ll be okay with whatever is on the other side of the horizon.

Traveling helps each and every one of us feel more in tune with the world. New culture, friendships, attractions, and more remind us of how beautiful and wonderful life can be.

9. You get time to figure out what you want in a partner.

Studies show that as much as fifty percent of marriages fail or end in divorce. Can you imagine how easy it would be to date a bad match? Getting to know who you are will help prepare for marriage because you’ll know what you’re looking for.

You’ll be accustomed to who you are and your system, and you’ll focus on who’s the best at compatibility. Even though in marriages you’ll have your difference, but during the seasons of singleness, you’ll have a firm ground to stand on. You’ll know who’s worth working things out and who’s better off with someone else.

10. You get to find comfort in being alone.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Some perceptions of singles have a negative connotation to them. You can be just as lonely or secluded even if you’re married. It’s all about our perception of life, and how we feel internally.

Who’s says the ultimate goal is to be with someone in the end? Instead, it could be about the quality of relationships we build, and how well we’ve nurtured our body and mind.

I mean… look at me. I’ve fallen in love a bunch of times and it’s been great. But I love being single and not having to answer to anyone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey Did It To Her Music

At some point in their lives (16-24), most people will make a sex mixtape — a collection of songs to set the mood during lovemaking. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey had a playlist like that, only theirs was nothing but a loop of Carey’s song about how real heroes never go soft halfway through.

In 2012, during an interview with chain-smoking grandmother Howard Stern, Cannon revealed that when the then-couple had lovin’ on their minds, there was nothing that got the bodily fluids pouring like queuing up a couple of her tracks and going to town on each other. Their favorite Carey anthem? Her soft and sweeping “Hero.” Maybe it’s because of encouraging lyrics like And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. Or maybe it’s because Cannon doesn’t have any music of his own worth listening to while you’re trying to bump uglies. Either way, this should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with Mariah Carey, who insisted on giving birth while listening to a recorded live performance of her own song, “Fantasy,” so she could hear her fans clapping for her.

But unlike most of us, Cannon was getting off on his wife’s singing long before they were married. In the same interview, he also told the world that he jerked it to the very same song, which might be the most loyal version of masturbation anyone has ever admitted to. After their divorce, Cannon admitted that sharing those tidbits had gotten him into trouble with Carey. Maybe telling the world that he needed two Mariah Careys to whisper in his ears might have contributed to their split. At least he has her music to keep him company at night.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Does Ignoring Someone You Like Make Them Want You More? Experts Say It Can Backfire

One of the most fun parts about dating or talking to someone new is the “texting” phase. Every time you hear your phone’s message notification, it feels like a little electric shock runs through your stomach. But should you reply right away, or is it better to play it a little “cool”? There is definitely something to say about the idea of wanting what you can’t have, but does ignoring someone you like make them want you more? According to Connell Barrett, Dating Transformation founder and executive dating coach, straight-up ignoring someone you’re crushing on not only doesn’t look good, but it may even come back to bite you in the end.

“I would never endorse ignoring someone,” says Barrett, calling the behavior potentially “manipulative.” However, he adds that it is sometimes a good idea to give someone you’re interested in some distance to feel your absence. “It’s OK to give someone the gift of missing you — to give them space and let them think about you a little bit.”

This is especially true when you are first getting to know one another, says Barrett, when it may actually be the most tempting to just leave them on read or ignore them completely. “If you’re in the early stages of dating, you want to avoid being overly eager, because that can come across as needy,” he explains. But Barrett adds that this doesn’t mean you should be rude or play mind games. “Rather than ignoring someone, you want to cultivate a full, rich, busy life, and people who lead busy lives will give the person they’re dating space because they’re not always texting and calling,” he says.

The issue, Barrett explains, is that purposefully ignoring someone is a mind game, and it’s inauthentic, which can easily backfire. So, his advice is to stay busy instead of just pretending to be busy. “Instead of ignoring someone, which creates the appearance of a full life, cultivate an actual fun, rich life, and then you won’t have to use tactics like ‘ignoring.’ You’ll just be busy, which does make you more attractive,” he says.

Barrett stresses that when you are interested in someone, it’s all about finding a balance between letting them know that you’re open to dating without coming off as “too eager”. “Dating is a dance, and part of that dance is not to be or appear needy or over-eager,” he explains. “Actively ignoring someone might work in the short term, but it usually backfires, because if there are mutual interest and chemistry, it will just come across as ‘game-playing’ and manipulation.”

What Barrett is ultimately getting at is that, if you want a real connection, you might want to just be authentic with the object of your affection. Sure, ignoring them may work in the short term, but you’re actually short-changing yourself by simply creating the artifice of a full life instead of striving to actually have one. It’s also easy to get caught up in a lie. So, maybe just give the mind games a pass and go ahead and reply to their texts instead.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

5 Signs Your Innocent Friendship Has Turned Into a Full-Blown Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships.

What is an emotional affair? How did your innocent flirting with someone you claim to be just good friends with turn into emotional cheating and infidelity?

I cannot count how many couples have come into my life with their relationships in shambles — with one spouse saying that their partner had an affair, with the other denying an affair occurred often proclaiming that they are “just really good friends” and that they “never had sex”.

So…was it an emotional affair?

In a monogamous relationship, people share both emotional and sexual information that is exclusive to their partners. They expose their weaknesses, mistakes, and innermost feelings.

We build trust with the other person because we make ourselves vulnerable. These conversations are valued and treasured by us because we know this information is reserved for us and only we have access to these aspects of our partner.

Emotional affairs often begin as non-sexual friendships. We confide in our friends perhaps because we feel our partner lacks understanding or they are unavailable.

This is particularly common with couples where one or both partners is a busy executive. When we lack access to our mate and need an outlet to talk to, we turn to our friends. And there are the always available social media, where platonic relationships can easily take root as deep and emotional friendships.

One important point here is that a majority of the emotional affairs begin as harmless friendships without any intention or plan to develop the relationship beyond that of a platonic friendship.

Unfortunately, we all have limited time, energy, and emotional resources available — and when these finite commodities are expended on the “friendship” rather than your partner relationship, there is a disconnection where the partner has cheated, emotionally.

An emotional affair is one where a person falls in love with another person but the relationship is not sealed with a sexual act. Over time, if the emotional affair continues (perhaps you flirt without realizing), it often leads to a sexual affair.

Emotional affairs can be devastating and destructive to your current relationship and family. In fact, emotional affairs can cause as much (or more) damage as physical affairs, but be more devious since they are less obvious.

Why? Because it leads to secrecy, deception, and is established primarily to gain an emotional high or to run away from negative experiences within the actual marriage itself.

One of my clients recounts, “I was so much more shattered by my husband finding solace and love with her. I could have more easily forgiven a one night stand because she wouldn’t have meant anything to him but as an object for sex.”

When someone falls in love and seeks such intimacy with that other person, when the time spent with the partner is superficial because their heart longs to be with someone else, the underlying trust is shaken.

Casual flirting or a crush don’t even begin to cover the irreparable damage such kind of “affairs” cause.

So, are you having an emotional affair or are you just friends? Are you on the path to an affair, even though nothing has physically escalated…yet?

Here are 5 signs you’re having an emotional affair (and you need to stop).

1. You have conversations you’re not too comfortable with your spouse knowing about

Do you find yourself hiding your phone (or getting a separate one), making sure your email and phone passwords are secret? Maybe you’re thinking “I’m glad my partner isn’t (reading, watching, finding) this (call, text, picture).”

These are signals the “friendship” boundaries have already been crossed.

2. You find yourself daydreaming or making plans with this person

Examine your mindshare. Does this person occupy your thoughts unceasingly? Are they on your mind when you go to sleep, when you awake in the morning, and during most of the day? Whenever you are alone, do you think about them and seek opportunities to speak with them?

In a way, you begin to idealize this person. You may become more discontent with your partner and share concerns and problems with your friend while becoming more distant with your spouse. At times, you may even have disappointment that your spouse doesn’t do things like your friend does.

You, then, begin to find faults in your spouse for habits, beliefs, or approaches to situations that were never an issue and have always been present in the relationship.

Your tolerance for your mate is then less and they begin to irritate you leading to the belief that this person understands much better you’re your spouse ever did or could.

If you find yourself feeling more connected to your friend rather than your own spouse, then clearly some changes need to be made.

3. You’ve lost interest in being intimate with your spouse

It is a fallacy you think that affairs begin in the bedroom. Affairs actually begin in the mind.

First, emotional involvement often leads to our seeing our friend as having few, if any, flaws. This leads to our partner’s flaws becoming considerably more obvious leading to our being critical of our spouse and their habits and mentally comparing them to our friend.

While looking your best for work or going out is not an issue, the action of doing so for a specific person is entirely different. The action of being visually attractive to another person begins in the mind.

Expending considerable emotional energy and thought into dressing up for a friend is a signal that the relationship has a deeper meaning than that of traditional friendship.

Once you dress the part do you let your imagination play out romantic fantasies about your friend? Daydreaming and planning a new life with our friend is often the next step in the progression of an emotional affair.

This mental scenario with our friend is beginning to evolve into a relationship that we feel would be far superior to that of our partner. Directing your energy into cultivating a fantasy is not far from the fantasy transforming into a reality.

4. You’re spending less time with your spouse

Are you spending less time with your mate since the relationship with your friend has become a more significant part of your life? Are you are sharing personal problems, feelings, and thoughts with your friend instead of your partner?

Do you create ways to talk with or be alone with your friend? Do you stage opportunities where it is probable you will run into your friend and then the opportunity to speak with them appears organic? Do you find excuses to talk with them?

Whenever you have something exciting in your life or anything good or bad happens, do you rush to this person to share?

Whether it is communication, your daily life stuff, affection, thoughts, time or focus, does your spouse get less of your mind share while your friend gets more?

While there is nothing wrong with having a good friend, the problem comes when you begin to share less with your mate.

If everything that you used to give to your partner has become considerably less or completely transferred to this new person these are warning signs that an emotional affair is in the works.

5. You keep secrets and lie

Are you keeping the friendship with the other person a secret? Do you minimize the amount of time you spend with your friend to others? Do you omit details about meetings, private lunches, or phone calls?

Do you guard passwords, access to your phone and social media accounts from being seen by your partner? Do you delete evidence from your phone, lie about your whereabouts or deny having communication with your friend?

These are also hallmarks of an emotional affair.

Now that you’ve realized that you’re on the brink of an affair without meaning to, what should you do next?

It is important to remember that even when such affairs do not cross the line and reach the physical stage, the impact is equally damaging and could put your marriage in a danger zone.

The intimacy and chemistry that is the core of an emotional affair have a deeper emotional intensity because you happen to be emotionally invested in it.

An emotional affair is bad, it can slowly disconnect you from your partner and you won’t even realize it. If you have such a kind of friendship with the opposite sex, cut the relationship ASAP. Otherwise, it will take you down the road of a physical affair very soon.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Love or Lust? Signs It’s Just a Hormone-Driven Fling

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we thought it may be a good time to help out those who are perhaps a little confused about their, err, “situation-ship.” It seems like, nowadays, that’s a lot of people since the way the younger generation does dating is a bit unconventional. A friend with benefits, boyfriend, booty call, boyfriend-just-when-he’s-in-town—these are terms we mostly understand. But what about a “Lover”? Traditionally speaking, a lover falls in a gray area between booty call and boyfriend. There certainly is all the excitement, chemistry, and sex that you have with the booty call, but you also feel that cosmic connection you feel around new love. And yet, things don’t really move at the same pace as a developing relationship. It’s more frantic. It’s rushed, but also very slow. You spend a lot of time together—you crave each other—but you rarely go out and meet each other’s friends. A lover’s fling is, to put it simply, a hormone-driven thing that doesn’t usually last long but sure is fun while it lasts. Here are signs you’re in a hormone-driven, Lover’s fling.

You don’t want him in your real world

You’d never want him to do something like stop by your work or possibly even your apartment. You want your interactions with him to exist in some realm that feels like it has nothing to do with your real-life—it’s almost like your secret life. You just want to keep your trysts with him in his loft apartment, beach house, or whatever another secluded love nest he has.

Nor does he want you in his real world

You’ve caught him trying to separate you and real-life, too. He doesn’t want you meeting his neighbors or seeing boring bills on the table. He doesn’t want to discuss traffic or taxes. He just wants to sweep you back off into lover’s land when real life things come up.

When you’re together, you completely lose the sense of time. You always run very late for whatever you need to do after. In fact, if you know you’re spending the afternoon with your lover, and a friend invites you to dinner that night, you almost resent the invite—you didn’t want appointments or alarms ruining the magic.

You turn into some character from a Jane Austen or Nora Roberts novel when you’re together, speaking in a romantic and inflated way you never speak to your friends or anyone else. You know that if your friends could hear the two of you speak, they’d roast you—hard.

Things can be a little too romantic

You have some moments that are a little too much, like when he sings songs he wrote about you, wants to paint your nude portrait, or rubs a feather all over your body for 15 minutes.

You talk about your dreams and secrets

You tell each other about your deepest secrets and dreams. It’s almost like you’re teenagers, whispering in the night. You’ve told him about dreams like, wanting to live on a tiny tropical island and just make money selling poems. Nobody else knows about this—that’s because your alter ego comes out around your lover.

But you don’t talk about yourselves—really

Other than your elaborate dreams, you don’t talk about yourselves—not really. You don’t tell him about your dad’s hip replacement surgery or your coworker who keeps jamming the printer and blaming you.

Your brain shuts off

You feel a little less intelligent when you’re with this guy—like your brain is in a fog. But, you kind of enjoy it. It’s like you intentionally turn your brain off when you’re with him, so you can block things out.

You allow for things you normally wouldn’t

He has, perhaps, no job. Or, very different political views than yours. He could be terrible with money or wear a lot of tie-dyes. You’d never actually date someone with any of these qualities, and yet, here you are.

You’re sexually exploring

Your time in bed is more sexually explorative than any time you’ve ever spent with a man. You’re up to do all sorts of things you typically wouldn’t do with someone—like a serious boyfriend.

But wouldn’t do those things again

You’re doing things in bed with this guy that you know you’ll only try once. In reality, you know this is just a fling so, it’s safe to try these things—it’s not like he’ll be around long enough to want to repeat them.

You don’t tell friends much about it

When you’re actually dating someone new, your friends can’t get you to shut up about him. You’re always telling them how funny and smart he is and all the dates he’s taking you on. But, when they ask about this guy, you just sort of blush, say something vague like, “It’s amazing” and change the subject.

Other than the amazing sex

Well, there is one thing you can’t stop telling your friends about, and that’s the sex. You’ve become their live erotic novel—they’re drooling over your every word of these raunchy tales.

You just left something too serious

You recently left something serious and complicated and told yourself you wanted nothing like that again for a very long time.

He’s your escape from reality

You feel like this guy is your escape from reality. You turn your phone off with him. You don’t look at clocks. You just want to drift away into lover’s land. You don’t like the thought of bringing him as a plus-one to your office party or a wedding—you don’t even really want to know what he’s like in those settings.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1