Women Can Tell You’re Insecure if You Do These Things

As we continue to have more complex conversations about what it means to be a man today, the more our old-fashioned ideas of masculinity come into question. In a recent thread on Reddit, women started sharing some of the things that they’ve noticed straight guys do that are meant to show how manly they are… and how these traits more often than not just betray their insecurities.

Feigning ignorance of things considered “beneath” them is a common one, especially when it comes to pop culture. “My slightly older coworker never misses a chance to mention he doesn’t know who Drake is or what Snapchat is because he likes to hate on the younger generation as much as possible,” reads one comment. “It’s super cringy.”

This lack of knowledge is almost always fueled by some form of elitism, and among guys often extends to an exaggerated ignorance of all things “girly.” As one commenter recalls: “I had a friend who basically had a whole performance to show how little he knew about makeup, nail polish, or clothing. I don’t expect people to know a ton about makeup, but pretending you barely know what lipstick is takes things a bit far.”

While such feigned cluelessness sounds silly, it can also be some pretty regressive ideas about gender roles. This is especially harmful if that aversion to feminine-coded things is passed down from parent to child. “I work in a childcare and there are always dads who get super insecure when their son wants something pink or girly,” said one commenter. “I got chewed out because one kid begged me to let him wear the pink pull-ups instead of the boy ones. His dad was so mad at me. Like I was trying to turn his son gay or into a ‘sissy’ or something like that. Your kid picked them out, not me!”

Perpetuating sexist or misogynist behavior doesn’t just let down the next generation, it also holds back the guys doing it, says one commenter, who bemoans the idea of men policing each other’s masculinity: “When they avoid something they enjoy (or would likely enjoy based on other things they also like) because they’re worried about how others will judge their manliness if they do. When they do things they clearly hate/resent because they’re afraid their manliness will be called into question if they don’t. Whenever they judge other men for doing things that aren’t manly. When they get irrationally upset at somehow being exposed to something “girly” even if by accident (freaking out about using the wrong shampoo for instance).”

Another misguided, toxic masculine idea is that being an “alpha” is all about domination and making others look weak.

“Genuine leaders don’t tear anyone down, they don’t try to make themselves look big either,” reads one comment on this topic. “People respect them for the way they act towards others and follow them because of it.”

 

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Romantic Thanksgiving Date Ideas

A lot of people believe that Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless you spend it stuffing yourself silly with food, surrounded by annoying uncles and aunts. But for couples without children or whose families are far away, Thanksgiving can be a wonderful opportunity to spend some romantic time together without distractions. So skip all of the stress this Thanksgiving and plan a special day for just the two of you with one of the ideas below.

Cook a meal together for two

While playing hostess to your in-laws and simultaneously cooking a Thanksgiving meal for 10 may seem like a recipe for a panic attack, cooking a turkey together with your best guy is filled with sexy opportunities. Envision sipping wine together as you stir the cranberry sauce and let your imagination run wild!

Have someone cook a meal for you

For those of you who think cooking is a chore rather than a delight, there’s nothing like enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner out on the town. Simply make a reservation, show-up and voila! While other women are spending the day slaving over a stove, you and your man can enjoy all of the pleasures of eating a five-course, candle-lit meal with none of the work.

Stay at a B&B

Holidays are so few and far between, why not extend your Thanksgiving into a Thanks-weekend and spend four days being thankful you’re not at home?

Go somewhere warm

Or even better, chuck the idea of a traditionally chilly Thanksgiving and relax the weekend away, basking in the sun at a tropical resort. The trees may not change color in Florida or the Bahamas, but there is still a lot of holiday cheer to be found there.

Watch a parade

You don’t even need to go anywhere to enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving. Sipping hot chocolate and holding hands together while watching a local parade can be just as lovely.

Or snuggle on the couch

Don’t even get dressed! Thanksgiving is one holiday that’s made for sleeping in, so don’t hesitate to ignore that alarm for once. You can always TiVo the parade and watch it later.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen

For couples in pursuit of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, soup kitchens and charity organizations are always in need of volunteers on the holiday when attendance is even higher than usual.

Go see a movie

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is going out to the movies with my boyfriend, just the two of us.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Ways to Woo a Girl the Right Way

The early days of dating are always the fun part. It’s where you can’t stop thinking about your girl and how you can make her happy. From flowers to chocolates and balloons, you have a lot of plans that are guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

However, as courtship ends, you feel less and less enthusiastic about wooing her. And that’s where problems happen and relationships break apart.

To keep your relationship in the best condition, here are some tips on how to woo a girl:

1. Be Genuine

We live in a world wherein being genuine has become such a rare quality. People are always being fake, pretending to be someone they’re not in order to impress the girl. Just think of online social media platforms where single men and women create “images” of themselves.

In-person though, a discerning eye can tell real people from fakes. Be genuine and be appreciated for who you truly are.

2. Be chivalrous

I would strongly like to believe that chivalry isn’t dead. Be polite, open doors, walk on the traffic side of the road, and escort her and her friend’s home.

You may think these are small things but these small gestures will never go unnoticed. It’s not that she can’t do these things by herself but it is always good to know that there is someone who’s looking out for her.

3. Give her your undivided attention

Get off that mobile phone of yours when you are with her. You will have plenty of time to check game scores or reply to your messages and emails when you are home. Unless it is extremely urgent, it will always be appreciated if you can give your phones a rest and give your undivided attention to her.

4. Notice her and likes & dislikes

Always take mental notes of her likes and dislikes and surprise her when she least expects it. Take her to her favorite concert, order her favorite drink when she’s running late, notice when she gets a haircut or wears something different.

She will really appreciate the fact that you are taking a keen interest in her and what she likes, and it will make her feel very happy.

5. Be there when she needs someone

You sure as hell don’t need to be a girl’s doormat but you definitely want to be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it. If she needs someone by her side, make sure it’s you. It will show her how committed, dependable, and serious you are about having her in your life and wanting to be in hers.

6. Don’t keep talking about yourself, learn to listen

No one likes a person who only talks about themselves and shows no interest in learning about the other person. If you are only going to keep bragging about yourself and your life, rest assured she will not turn to give you another look. Show a real interest in getting to know her better; it will take you a long way.

7. Make her feel special

If she is having a bad day, let her vent to you and be supportive about it. In fact, all you probably need to do is to listen.

Remember small dates like the first time you’ve met or the first time you took her out on a date. Make an effort to celebrate these with her. Do whatever is in your power to make her feel loved and cherished.

8. Keep that element of surprise

Now that you have learned about what makes her happy, surprise her by using that information to your advantage. If she has a fantasy of a perfect date, make it happen for her. If she’s feeling low, show up on her doorstep to take her for a drive. Keep the element of surprise alive in order to keep her wondering and the excitement going.

9. Let her know that you are thinking about her

Drop her a message in the middle of the workday to check how her day is going or pick her up from work so that you’ll get that extra 30 minutes to spend together. Message her good morning first thing when you wake up or send her flowers or any small memento that makes you think of her.

Whatever big or small it may be, show her that you are thinking about her.

10. Open up to her

Many men are brought up to avoid being vulnerable in front of the girl. However, think about it. You only open up in front of people you truly care about and are truly comfortable with. If you talk about your fears or your problems or what makes you sad, it will show her that you are really invested in her and are not there just to pass your time.

We live in a world where women are strong and independent. They don’t need a man to be able to provide for them. They don’t need someone who can pay for a date. They are more than capable of doing that themselves.

Instead, how about a man who can treat them right because somehow that breed has become very rare in the 21st century. Make her feel loved and special. Always think of being in the wooing phase even after being in a stable relationship for a while.

This way you will never take each other for granted. Often, spontaneity is the key to a happy relationship. Be on your toes and keep her on hers. In turn, she will surprise you with her love and loyalty as well.

As Marilyn Monroe says, “A girl doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

You’ve probably heard it before—boys love to complain about how confusing girls can be. But us girls know firsthand that understanding guys can be just as complicated. In hopes of helping girls better understand the guy’s point of view, we surveyed 150 guys about a way-worthy topic: you! What do guys wish you knew?

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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27 Things Guys Said That Totally Turned Us Off

Here’s an awesome list sent to me by one of my female readers.

Thank you! Take it away, Sasha.

Guess who I’m not hopping into to bed with? The guy who just moments ago confessed that his dream in life is to “live in a yurt.” No offense to his dream, but my dream is never to go camping, never to interface with wild animals, and never go without running water or poop in a hole unless emergency dictates it. Just moments earlier, I was digging this fellow and now all I can see when I look at him is a vision of what he will look after a few years in his yurt — a little bit like Tom Hanks in “Castaway.” “No thanks,” says my vagina. After the jump, some things that guys have said to us that killed our attraction to them in two seconds flat.

  1. “I don’t need anyone as long as I have my cat.” Well let me just pack up my things and go.
  2. “It’s a woman’s job to change diapers.” Yes. It. Is. Check please!
  3. “I borrowed money from my cousin to take you out to dinner.” How, um, sweet (?) of you.
  4. “Let me shave you.” Let me run screaming from your apartment.
  5. “I live with my mom, and she eats all of my ice cream.” I can’t wait to have a slumber party at your place!
  6. “My last girlfriend and I went to sex therapy because I can’t orgasm.” I look forward to learning more about your sexual dysfunction.
  7. “I have no faith in humanity.” Misanthropy isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac.
  8. “Jesus Christ was a loser.” I don’t care what religious beliefs you subscribe to, there’s no reason to knock JC.
  9. “I want to write a book for young people about how to live.” The world thanks you, oh humble guru.
  10. “Who’s your daddy?” Not you, dude.
  11. “You mean you actually wear a bikini at the beach?” No, I wear a wetsuit so not an inch of my skin sees sunlight.
  12. “I believe in the power of touch.” And I believe in the power of never touching you.
  13. “Lesbians always hate me and I don’t know why.” I do, you’re a homophobe!
  14. “I’m really good at getting women pregnant.” This is a selling point? Exactly how many spawns do you have out there floating around?
  15. “You want to have kids even though there are crazy people in your family?” Not with you, you judge-y bastard.
  16. “I’m really glad you’re not one of those man-hating feminists.” You might have just turned me into one.
  17. “I’m really in touch with my feminine side.” Gold star for you, lady boy.
  18. “You really touch my heart chakra.” Is this some New Age way of saying, “I love you”?
  19. “My mother sells herbal weight loss supplements, if you’d like to lose a few.” Thanks so much for the tip, but I’m all stocked up on Xenadrine. What’s good enough for Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is good enough for me.
  20. “I’ve got to go to my mani/pedi appointment.” Shall I fetch you some rag mags to look at while you’re getting primped and pampered?
  21. “I think you’re beautiful. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t hang out with you.” That is awfully kind of you.
  22. “I can’t go that restaurant, my ex works there and she has a restraining order against me.” Oh yeah … sure no problem. Let’s take a raincheck on dinner. Like forever.
  23. “I’ll let you be my official girlfriend.” How many women are your unofficial girlfriends?
  24. “I’m attaching a new crystal to my scepter.” Gotta love a man who keeps his magic wand all blinged out.
  25. “Check out my new Storm Trooper costume for Comic Con.” Nope.
  26. “I can’t sleep with you in my bed.” Well then, I will kindly get out of it and let you get your beauty rest.
  27. “If I was capable of loving someone, it would be you. But I’m not. So I don’t.” Nothing more charming than an emotionally bankrupt man.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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What Makes a Man Attractive? 15 Traits Guys Should Focus On

What makes a man attractive may be the million-dollar question, but it’s not that hard to answer. It could be you just need to shift your focus a little.

Many men write to me, asking me about what makes a man attractive to a woman. Now, it’s a pretty broad question to ask. Every woman is different. Some like their guys with a sense of humor, other women like their men shy.

Before we proceed, it’s important to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That being said, there are general traits which a majority of women look for when trying to find a suitable partner. And these traits have nothing to do with you looking like Ryan Gosling or a million dollar pay check every month.

What makes a man attractive?

In my own experience, what I found attractive in men was basic. I wanted a talkative partner with a good sense of humor and who is calmer than me. I’m usually wired like an Energizer bunny, and if my partner was the same, we’d be in big trouble. But this doesn’t mean my best friend or the girl down the street wants the same thing.

No one said finding a partner was going to be easy, especially because everyone wants different things. But alas, here we are, and there are some traits that most women can all agree are desirable. So, if you want to know what makes a man attractive, keep reading. It’s time to find out!

#1 Your face isn’t the ticket. Yes, women would love to have a chance with Ryan Gosling or Chris Evans, but in reality, women aren’t that interested if you’re better looking or not. Women usually opt for more attractive men for flings. However, when it comes to serious relationships, they’re not interested in finding the hottest guy in town.

#2 Women want to laugh. At the end of the day, we want a partner who’s going to make us laugh. A sense of humor is extremely important, and it should be a must-have trait on your list as well. Can you imagine being with someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Men who are found to have a good sense of humor appear more intelligent.

#3 It’s all about kindness. Though the bad boy may look appealing, they’re not long-term partner material. Instead, when women want to settle down, they look for altruistic men who are interested in helping others and doing good things.

#4 Hygiene. So, appearance does matter, but probably not to the extent you’re thinking. You don’t need to wear the latest brand names or have an expensive watch to seem attractive. But, women are looking for men who are well-groomed and hygienic. No one wants to date a stinky man. Taking care of yourself on a basic level is attractive to women.

#5 Beard or no beard? Many men wonder if having a beard affects their interactions with women. Well, having a beard or no beard is largely based on personal preference. So, facial hair can make you attractive, but it can also act as a repellent. Choose what you like when it comes to facial hair.

#6 Confidence. When it comes to attractive men and women, they’re usually the ones exuding confidence. No matter what you look like, confidence is the key. It’s sexy, there’s no denying it. This has nothing to do with looks, rather purely on how you carry yourself in front of others. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and own yourself.

#7 Manners. I remember watching my date burp in my face over dinner. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. Manners are extremely important because it shows her what kind of person you are and how you were raised. These are things women pay attention to when on the dating scene.

#8 Active listening. Men are often teased about their poor listening skills. But, if you’re wondering what makes a man attractive, this is one trait that women are looking for in a partner. They want a man who’ll actively listen and provide input when needed. An attractive man is someone she can talk to and doesn’t feel like she’s communicating with a wall.

#9 Feeling of security. Women want to feel safe. I’m pretty sure everyone wants to feel safe around their partner. This is something to prove to a potential partner. Does this mean you look like the hulk? No. This isn’t about muscle mass. It’s about giving her the feeling that you can protect her. That’s attractive.

#10 Responsibility. So many people are scared to admit when they made a mistake. They are unable to apologize if they did something wrong. But apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean you’re weak. A man who can take responsibility for himself is highly attractive for a woman. It shows maturity and personal growth.

#11 Connected to his feminine side. Many men are terrified of connecting with their feminine side, but this is what women are looking for in a man. They want a partner who’s well-rounded, empathetic, and kind. Sure, we like the idea of being with “a man,” but you can’t be alpha all the time. It’s exhausting. 

#12 Independence. No woman wants a mama’s boy. Yet, so many men are unable to cook and clean for themselves. A man who lives independently is an important trait women look for in a man. And it’s pretty hot to come home to dinner. A woman is looking for a partner, not a fully grown child.

#13 Knows how to have fun. Women want a guy who’s not always so serious. He knows when to separate work from play, and when he does relax, he enjoys his time and knows how to have fun. Being serious can be sexy, but only up to a point. Women want to enjoy their life with someone who knows how to.

#14 He has brains. Who doesn’t want an intelligent partner? When it comes to brains, intelligent men are sexy. A woman wants to know she’ll have a partner by her side, not someone she carries through life. A man who’s well-read and educated is really sexy.

#15 Appreciates women. No, I’m not talking about a Casanova type of guy. But an attractive man is someone who appreciates and respects women. Have you ever seen a man with mommy issues? It’s not attractive, and if anything, women stay far away from those guys.

You don’t need to look like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt to be considered attractive. Most of what makes a man attractive to women has to do with your characteristics and your game.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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9 Harsh Truths We Tend to Ignore at the Beginning of a Relationship, and Then Bitterly Regret It

They say that “love is blind” and they are probably right. We tend to ignore many things about our loved ones, even though these things scream that you need to get out of the relationship. As a consequence, we’re left trying to put a broken heart back together or we just get up one day realizing that we’ve wasted years in a pointless relationship.

This wouldn’t happen if we could tell from the very beginning where it might lead. And sometimes we can: here at Bright Side we came up with most common phrases your date could say to you that are actually signals that you should leave and never come back.

1. “I’m not over my previous relationship yet.”

It’s an honest truth, and you have to accept it and say goodbye — it’ll be better for the both of you. You probably don’t want to be an instrument for your date to forget their ex and constantly compete with them. And you will probably not be happy if they get back together.

Beyond that, it is not recommended for people to start a new relationship right after their previous one or until it’s all over, so it’s better to leave and give your partner some time to figure out their feelings.

2. They complain about all their exes.

Of course, people do get into toxic relationships sometimes, but if it happens all the time, maybe the problem actually has something to do with your date. You’ll probably end up being another “crazy ex” on their list and they will probably constantly stress you out. Do you need that in your life?

3. “I don’t think marriage makes sense.”

When someone says this, they definitely mean it and are implying that they are not going to get married, even to you. And since you’re grownups, this opinion is too hard to change, if even possible at all. If you think the same about marriage, than that’s okay. But it’s crucial to have similar opinions on this topic, so if you actually want to get married, then don’t waste your time.

4. “When I’m angry, I scream and break things. I can’t help it.”

This is a red flag phrase that should never be ignored. It means that your partner is emotionally unstable, and that plates aren’t the limit. You will get your dose of emotional and physical abuse too, even if you don’t think this will happen. Do yourself a favor and disappear the moment you hear (or notice) anything like that.

5. They admit that they could never make a relationship last.

You shouldn’t ignore this phrase, thinking it won’t happen with you. Don’t overestimate the chance you think you have to change your partner. If they say it, they mean it — and in addition, they can even say that they warned you. So if you’re looking for something that can become serious, you’re with the wrong person.

6. They don’t see anything wrong with being late.

When someone is late, they usually apologize for it, no matter how late they are. If your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it, this is a bad sign. It means that they lack respect for your time, and there is a great probability that they will be selfish and have a tendency to devalue everything about other people. Take note, and find someone who will value you and your time.

7. They admit that relationships aren’t their main focus all the time.

Of course, for some people a career might be their biggest priority, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if your date says something like this on the spot without any context, it implies that your date wants to keep things easy. It’s a phrase to let you know that your partner isn’t going to put much effort into your relationship, so just take it as it is and decide if that’s what you want and need.

8. “A man/woman should…”

If your partner talks about their expectations, that means that they expect you to follow them in order to keep up the relationship. If you don’t share these standards, but decide to get into this relationship anyways, it will lead to a lot of stress and tension, so you’re probably better off ending it before it even starts.

9. “You don’t need someone like me.”

No, this not a challenge to prove that your date is wrong. People who are not confident always play the victim, and if you get into this game your whole relationship will turn into you constantly convincing your partner they are great and that they are worth you having to deal with infinite jealousy. In case it’s more like a confident, “Don’t fall in love with me,” you’re most likely dealing with a player. And we are not sure which one of these types is worse.

Sometimes it can also be a polite way to say that it’s your partner who doesn’t need anyone like you. Whatever the case may be, it’s just better to leave in order to not torture either of you.

Which phrases would you add to the list? Do you have your own personal red flag phrases? Let us know in the comments.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Phicklephilly Reaches 200,000 Page Views!

Thanks to everyone who subscribes, reads, likes, comments and shares my blog! We’ve really been killing it lately!

We’re not publishing as often as we once did, but the traffic numbers keep rising month after month. During this dreadful pandemic, I’ve tried to bring some new varied content to the site. It’s pretty hard to go out and date during these unsure times, so I’ve turned inward and written some stories from my past.

I hope you enjoy them and I’ll try to crank out a few new ones each month until we get back in the groove again.

To give you an idea of our growth, we had 42K page views last year. This year we’ve already had 100k! So more than doubled our page views in less than 10 months. We had our highest month ever in October by reaching over 17k page views!

I appreciate the support from everyone who have come to visit our little dating and relationship site over the years! Thanks to those who’ve been with me for years and also to our newcomers!

Welcome!

I’ll see you at a quarter of a million!

Cheers!

Charles

P.S. Incidentally, we hit our highest page views ever today! 782 views! Bonus! Thanks!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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When Dating Someone New, When Is The Right Time To Have Sex?

This is a new Dating and Relationships column I’m attempting to create here on Phicklephilly. My friend Jackie and I have been kicking around the idea of writing an advice column together. We actually came up with the idea a few years ago. We wanted something that gave advice from a man’s and a woman’s perspective. We’re going to try to publish this column at least once or twice a month for now. If it catches on, we’ll probably run every week.

Welcome to: HIS & HERS!

So let’s begin with a little background on Jackie.

Jackie Rupp (@PhillyJackie) | Twitter

Jackie began as a journalist before branching out to begin her own marketing company, helping businesses build their brands and taking the chore of content marketing off their shoulders. Beyond helping businesses with website copy, blog content, and messaging, she writes a blog on embracing and learning from failure. Available for custom branding, marketing and copywriting projects, her first book is due out in 2021. In her spare time, she fills her home with foster cats and kittens while dabbling in real estate investing and diorama making.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jackie-rupp-content-queen/

 

Okay, let’s get to the business at hand.

 

When dating someone new, when is the right time to have sex?

 

Jackie:

Okay, my first reaction to this question is to say just trust your gut — trust what’s going on in the moment and what YOU feel comfortable with. But I also know sometimes that can be hard, especially for women, which is the only perspective I can speak from as a heterosexual woman. For straight women, I think there’s a lot of pressure, we feel pressure to “not wait too long” so we aren’t a “tease” or he doesn’t lose interest or think of us as a prude or “frigid.” I use quotes for those words because they’re these outdated antiquated remainders from a way of life where women were supposed to be both sexually available at all times but also not sexual themselves.

So there’s that pressure of maybe moving quicker than you’re comfortable with, but then there’s this opposing pressure to not have sex too quickly because that will make you “less desirable” as a partner. There’s this weird game I feel like some straight guys play where they will pressure sex hard, beg for it, etc, but then be disappointed and judgy when you give in “too soon,” according to their expectations of how women should behave. Those guys it’s best to filter out quickly. So there’s all this always there in our minds not by our own choosing, just like inherited from society, and sometimes it can make it hard to cut through all that noise to hear our own wants and needs. 

I can look back and recall feeling like I needed to sleep with someone by the third date otherwise they’d lose interest. Looking back, how fucked up was that? Like I just had this arbitrary date quantity that maybe I read somewhere and it hung over me. So that would be my first piece of advice. Don’t listen to stupid artbitrary dating quotas like that. Because emotions are tied to sex and it can quickly amp up our intimacy and attachment to someone, I think it is important to know what someone wants and if your wants for the future line up. Do you both want something casual? Then maybe you don’t need to wait. But do some soul searching to make sure you aren’t putting your needs last in an effort to gain dating points.

Now outside of that, I’d say whenever you think it’s the right time… wait longer. Now, I’m not some abstinence promoter or something. There’s just something incredibly hot and special about the flirting and anticipation of a dating dynamic before sex happens. After, of course there’s new fun to explore, but you can never get back the feelings and newness of that period of time when you both know you’re interested in each other and the anticipation, wanting, and desire is just bubbling up like a glass of overflowing champagne. That’s the fun part of dating, so savor it!  That;s my advice and one more thing. Set those expectations LOW for the first time. It could be the best sex you’ve ever had but try to refrain from going into it thinking it’s going to be mind-blowing and perfect, when you’re so new to each other. Don’t talk up your sexing skills, instead, follow the old sales advice — underpromise, overdeliver. 

 

Charles: 

How long should you wait to have sex? It’s a question many of us have pondered for years but haven’t found a satisfactory answer to. In fact, the iconic television series Sex and the City attempted to tackle the question roughly two decades ago.

Carrie Bradshaw and her friends popularized the “three date rule”—the idea that, when it comes to sex, there’s supposed to be a short waiting period. The goal is to give you a chance to evaluate the other person before hopping into bed. Plus, you don’t want to give the other person the impression that you’re overeager, but you also don’t want to wait too long to start having sex in case it turns out you’re incompatible.

This “rule” is basically the Goldilocks approach to dating: It’s about figuring out the time to have sex that’s “just right.” Is there any scientific backing for this idea, though? And is the third date really when most people start having sex anyway?

Researchers struggle studying the topic because it’s unclear what is considered a “date.”

Believe it or not, social scientists haven’t yet established which specific date is the most common one for people to start having sex, in part, because “date” is a pretty nebulous term. What counts as going on a date anyway? For example, does it have to be one-on-one, or can going out with a group of friends count, too? Also, how is “dating” different from “talking” or “hanging out” with someone?

Even if people could agree on a definition, the number of dates isn’t all that meaningful to look at because people space them out very differently. Some people go on several dates in the same week, whereas others space them out over a month or more. In other words, two couples could be on their third date, but one pair might have known each other a lot longer than the other.

In order to get around these issues, researchers who study this topic have focused more on the length of time people have known each other rather than on how many dates they’ve had.

How long people wait, according to research.

A study published in the Journal of Sex Research of nearly 11,000 unmarried adults who were in “serious or steady” relationships inquired about when participants started having sex and looked at how this was related to their relationship satisfaction. Most participants (76 percent) had been in their relationships for more than one year, and nearly all of them (93 percent) reported having had sex with their partners.

Of those who were sexually active, a slight majority (51 percent) said they waited a few weeks before having sex, while just over one-third (38 percent) had sex either on the first date or within the first couple of weeks. The remaining 11 percent had sex before they even went on their first date.

Did the timing of sex matter in terms of how people felt about their relationships? Not in a meaningful way. There were only small differences between the groups, with those who had sex earlier tending to be slightly less satisfied. However, all of the groups were highly satisfied on average.

The fact that those who had sex earlier were a little less happy is to be expected based on research showing that sexual passion and excitement tend to decline over the course of a relationship. So if you start having sex sooner, the passion will wear off a little faster, unless you put in the work to keep it going (which you can do by regularly mixing it up in the bedroom).

It’s more important how you think about sex, then when you have sex.

There’s something far more important than when you start having sex, and that’s what your personality says about how sex and love go together. Everyone has what’s called a sociosexual orientation, which is basically the degree to which you think sex and emotions are intertwined versus totally separate.

People who think that they go together tend to agree with statements like, “I do not want to have sex with a person until I am sure that we will have a long-term, serious relationship.” These folks have what psychologists call a “restricted” orientation.

By contrast, people who think that these things are separable tend to agree with statements like “sex without love is OK.” These people have what psychologists refer to as an “unrestricted” orientation. Unrestricted people are more comfortable with casual sex, and they tend to report higher sex drives and greater numbers of sex partners over the course of their lives. As a result, the amount of time it takes for them to be comfortable having sex with a new partner is much shorter than it is for someone with a restricted orientation.

Neither orientation is inherently better or worse than the other, but knowing where you fall on this trait will give you insight into whether having sex sooner or later is the right approach for you. Understanding differences in sociosexual orientation can also help us to understand why so many couples disagree on the “right” time to start having sex as well as how much sex they should be having—if you put a restricted and an unrestricted person together, it might be challenging for them to get on the same page.

So, what’s the final verdict?

What all of this tells us is that there are no hard and fast “rules” for dating. Different things work well for different people depending on their personalities, so figure out where your comfort zone is—and your partner’s, too—rather than subscribing to some arbitrary rule.

 

Was this helpful? Let us know in the Comments section!

Do you have a dating and relationship question you’d like answered?
Send it to me in the Contact section of this blog, and Jackie and I will answer it in a future post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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What Do Girls Look for in a Guy? The Worthy Traits of a Real Catch

Of course, every girl wants something a little bit different but, if you’re asking yourself, what do girls look for in a guy, here are the essentials…

Hey there, gentlemen, I am super glad you came here to find out what do girls look for in a guy. In my experience, guys seem to think girls look for things like competitiveness, cockiness, and aggression. In reality, that is not the case.

By being open to learning more about what women want, you are already on the right path.

Before answering what do girls look for in a guy, consider this.

I know you came here for guidance and insight. And don’t worry, I’m getting there. But, before we get into what do girls look for in a guy, I want to offer a bit of a disclaimer.

All girls are different. All girls look for different things. Some girls look for a guy with a successful career. Others may want someone with more free time. Some girls look for a scruffy beard and someone with calluses on their hands, but others want someone more clean cut.

You cannot lump all girls together and think that if you exude what girls look for in a guy, that all girls will be attracted to you. But, by focusing on the parts of yourself that girls look for, you can get noticed by the girls that appreciate you.

You cannot take this list and change who you are to fit what girls look for. If some girls are looking for a guy who shares her religious beliefs, you can’t just start believing in God to get her to notice you.

Rather focus on the traits you already have that girls are looking for. For example, many girls look for a guy close with his family. Be sure to talk about those relationships and maybe even introduce a new girl to your family earlier than usual.

You can improve upon yourself and explore new interests. But changing who you are will not get a girl’s attention. It will probably turn her off that you are not being genuine.

For instance, a girl may look for a guy who cares about his physical fitness, so taking time to balance your diet or workout could be beneficial within dating as well as the rest of your life. But, if working out is not something you are interested in, don’t do it solely to attract a girl. Instead, join a book club if you’re an avid reader.

Being true to yourself is one of the main things girls look for in a guy.

What do girls look for in a guy?

Now that you get how to use this list of things girls look for in a guy, let’s get into the specifics.

#1 Honesty. I know this is so generic. Everyone says this, but not everyone lives up to it. Anyone can say that they are honest but anyone can lie.

When a girl is looking for an honest guy, she doesn’t mean just a guy who doesn’t cheat. She means a guy who talks to her about the good stuff and the bad stuff. She wants a guy who admits when he’s made a mistake. Then makes sure he is the one to tell her about it so she doesn’t have to hear it from someone else.

Honesty is the glue that holds all the other things girls look for in a guy together, so focus on this one. 

#2 Masculinity. Masculinity is a pretty popular word on social media right now. Actually, toxic masculinity is the phrase that is thrown around and for good reason. Toxic masculinity is seen in a man who needs to prove his manliness through traditionally male things like cars, violence, not crying or showing emotions, and avoiding the color pink, etc.

This is not the masculinity that girls look for in a guy. Rather, gentlemanliness, honor, and humility are what truly shows masculinity in a man. If you need some examples of a man who shows his masculinity without an ounce of toxic in the mix, there is Chris Evans, Tom Hanks, and Mr. Rogers, just to name a few.

#3 Openness. A girl looks for a guy willing to try new things. This can range dramatically based on the girl. It can mean you are willing to take a spur of the moment vacation or trying a new restaurant.

Openness is also relevant to see things from someone else’s point of view. If you are not open, you are closed. You are essentially stuck in one mindset or view of the world. Being open helps you understand and experience life more fully. Girls want that in a guy.

#4 Respect. Make a note of this one because it is a priority. I am sure you have heard from other guys that girls like to be talked down to or treated badly. That is far from the truth. There are some women that get manipulated by this behavior due to trauma or past dysfunction. No one is looking for that.

What women want is respect. For you to take our words at face value and treat us as equals. Sure, dating comes with a level of flirtatious teasing and challenges. That can all be done without disrespect.

#5 Understanding. Just as a girl understands how bad it hurts to be kicked in the junk without ever actually experiencing it herself, girls look for that empathetic characteristic in a guy. A girl wants you to understand how she is feeling. She wants you to pay attention to her worries and fears.

You may not be able to feel what she is feeling, but by understanding her and empathizing with her, you are trying.

#6 Support. All girls want a guy who will support them through their struggles and their choices. Whether that means being there for her in the midst of family drama or supporting her decision to go back to school or apply for a promotion.

A modern day version of this would be the term “Instagram husband.” This is the boyfriend or husband of an Instagram model that goes out of his way to help her get that perfect photo. He supports her hustle 100%. The opposite of this would be a guy telling his girlfriend not to post that picture because other guys will look at it. 

#7 Independence. No girl wants a guy who can’t survive on his own. You should be able to care for yourself and function on your own. It isn’t the 1950’s anymore. A man should be able to do his own laundry and cook his own food.

When a girl sees a guy who still has his mom take care of him or is always in a relationship so someone can do these things, it is a major turn off.

#8 Compromise. Having a willingness to compromise is not only something girls look for in a guy, but it is something that is essential to any relationship. Someone unwilling to compromise on things like a date spot or who drives will not be able to handle bigger issues in the future.

#9 Availability. This is something girls look for in a guy from the first date. Actually, before the first date even happens. Now, I do not mean you must have tons of free time. Just be able to make plans and stick to them.

A sign that a guy will not be available regularly are loosely made plans and being hard to reach. A girl will notice that you take the time to prioritize her.

#10 Self-care. Another word for self-care could be hygiene. But I really shouldn’t have to say that. Of course, a girl is looking for a guy who brushes his teeth and showers regularly, but this should go beyond that.

Girls want a guy who takes care of himself like an adult. This means you clean your bathroom *or at least hire someone to*, wash your dishes, have soap and shampoo in the shower, wash your face, etc. 

#11 Confidence. Confidence is something just about all women look for in a guy. A guy who second-guesses himself and is in need of constant reassurance and approval is not only unattractive but can be very manipulative and needy to a dysfunctional level.

Showing that you like who you are and feel good in your own skin will help her see your best qualities.  

#12 Acceptance. Just as you want her to accept you and all your quirks or imperfections that make you, you, she wants the same thing. Accept her for who she is. She will notice that. Do not judge her for her choices, her past, or anything else.

So, what do girls look for in a guy? All girls want is for you to be a good person and show it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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