When Your Significant Other Misses You, They Send These 9 Texts To Let You Know

Validation is super important in a relationship, and when you and your partner are apart, you may want more reassurance than usual. It feels really good to know your partner wants you and cares for you, but they may not always say it so literally. You and your partner might have those deep conversations about how you feel about each other when you have some much-needed face-to-face time. However, when you’re apart, it can be harder to assess what your partner is thinking and feeling. There’s no reason to panic though. When your significant other misses you, they send these texts. Because sometimes, they show their affection in small, subtle ways.

It’s so important to feel valued in a relationship, and there’s more than one way your partner can show their appreciation for you. Sometimestheir small actions, like asking you to text them when your flight lands or putting your favorite snack in your suitcase, can show just how much they care about you. Communication is one of the most essential parts of a relationship, but when you and your partner aren’t together, things can sometimes get lost in translation. If your partner sends you some of the following texts, they’re communicating that they miss you and enjoy your company a lot.

If You’re Both At Work Or Going About Your Day…

Just the fact that they are messaging you during a busy day means they’re thinking of you. You’re on their mind, and they want to let you know it.

  • “Work is great, but is it 6 p.m. yet? I can’t wait to hang tonight.”
  • “What’s for lunch?”
  • “My coworker mentioned their dogs’ Halloween costumes, and it made me think of your cute dog obsession.”

If You Have To Be Apart For A Few Days…

If you have to leave your boo for a trip, they may try not to overwhelm you with “I miss you” texts. Smaller ways they may say it include checking in with you about when you can talk next or making sure you made it to your destination OK. Flirty things like wearing your sweatshirt are also a sign that they miss you.

  • “In case you were wondering where your sweatshirt is… *sends a selfie of self wearing it*”
  • “Let me know when your flight lands?”
  • “Would you want to FaceTime later?”

If You’re Long-Distance…

Communication in a long-distance relationship is super important. Your partner may not want to continually repeat the phrase “I miss you” just because they don’t want to say it too much. However, they can say it in other ways like sending you a gift or card, or looking forward to the next time you’re together.

  • “Hey babe, check your mailbox when you get home after work this week.”
  • “You left your perfume here, but I am low-key glad you did because it reminds me of you.”
  • “Just two more weeks until we can snuggle again.”

Hopefully, this gave you insight into how your bae shows they really care. And maybe the next time you miss your partner, you can even send them one of these.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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7 Things Women Do That Men Find Hard To Resist

While some men look for beauty, there are men who look for factors other than good looks in women. These men go head over heels when they see women doing things that differentiate them from other women.So if you want to attract a man towards you, we have got it covered. Read on.

1. Playing With Hair

Men love when women play with their hair. But that doesn’t mean you have to run your fingers in your hair throughout the day. Men love it when they see you fiddling with your hair when you are feeling nervous. They love it when you flip the hair while turning towards them. Also, when the wind blows a few strands of hair on your face, men find it irresistible.

2. Making Eye Contact

Think about the scenario where you are sipping coffee while maintaining eye contact. This melts the heart of a man. They love it when you communicate with your eyes.

3. Stealing Glances

What could be more tempting than the moment men find you looking secretly at them? Men too love the feeling of being wanted. The moment they come to know you have been secretly crushing over them, men will feel attracted towards you.

4. Biting Lips

While on a date with a man, notice his reaction, when you slightly bite your lips while making eye contact. This makes the man weak in his knees and they become smitten by you.

5. Showing Playfulness

When you let your inner kid come out through little sweet things and laughter, men can go crazy for you. It shows that you can relax and have fun at times. They love women who are still young at hearts and can laugh loudly at their jokes. This makes them feel important and special.

6. Being Original

Being pretentious in the presence of men, can turn them off. Men love women who are comfortable with their individuality and prefer being what they actually are. Though you might be successful in pretending to be someone, the moment men find about it, they will feel betrayed and would no more be interested in you.

7. Wearing Confidence

When you show your confidence, men find it most attractive. It shows that you are capable of taking decisions on your own and do not require any other person to make you feel complete. Men see confident women as potential life partners.

Now that you have known the things that men find attractive in women, we hope you will play your cards right to attract the man of your dreams.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

What You Shouldn’t Share With Your Partner, According To Experts

You share your heart with your partner, and in some cases your bed or even your dog, but beyond what you’re happy to share, there seems to be a lot of gray area. Toothbrushes? Secrets? Sweatshirts? Friends? It’s all subjective, but rules give couples shared meaning and understanding. Though sharing your life with your partner to some extent is a given, maintaining autonomy is important too. Bustle talked to experts about what you should and shouldn’t share with your partner in the literal sense, to create some loose framework for couples to establish boundaries, together. Because sometimes these conversations are not fun or intuitive, and it’s easy to quickly establish bad habits that are hard to break.

According to clinical psychologist Alexandra R. Lash, what’s off limits for one couple might be fair game for another, and that’s OK. The most important part about drawing boundary lines is that they feel fair to both people in the relationship. Here, with the help of Dr. Lash, Dr. Niket Sonpal, an internist and gastroenterologist, Ed Shaheen, Jr., DDS, MS, and Neuropsycholoigs Dr. Sanam Hafeez, we’ve put together a list of things that individuals often feel protective over and established well-balanced perspectives on each of them. Just because you and your partner are close enough to share your personal items or feelings with each other, doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

1. Passwords & Devices

According to Lash, when it comes to sharing your phone, computer, and device passwords, it really depends on what works for the individual couple. “It’s up to the culture of your relationship,” Lash tells us, going on to explain that whatever feels comfortable is what’s right. “Relationships are about being in touch with each other’s world, but having respect for individuality and privacy, too,” Lash explains. And while she doesn’t see a utility in sharing all personal conversations with your partner, she expresses that it’s important to explore each other’s feelings if there’s a disagreement on the matter or differing values and comfort levels.

2. Bathroom Space & Habits

Some couples prefer not to share their bathroom time.

Shutterstock

Lash explains that the level of comfort when it comes to sharing a bathroom or bathroom habits is contingent on the person. “Some people may grow up with many siblings or limited bathroom space and don’t have as strict a standard of privacy when it comes to bathroom habits, while others may grow up with the ability to use the bathroom privately and rely on that privacy to feel comfortable. Or one member of the couple may grow up in a family culture that values openness and they did not appreciate it and want more privacy in their adult lives or vice versa.” Lash explains. Meaning, there’s no rule of thumb when it comes to deciding what is and is not appropriate in the bathroom.

Some couples are happy to brush their teeth together, carry a conversation on while one person is on the toilet or in the shower, while other couples prefer to keep their bathroom activity private. “It’s important to discuss your comfort level with your partner — it’s not about saying you should be able to go to the bathroom in front of your partner, it’s about saying you should be able to discuss what is and isn’t comfortable for you both.”

3. Razors

It might seem harmless, and we’ve all done it or thought about it in a pinch when there’s only one razor in the shower, but Sonpal tells Bustle that “borrowing your partner’s razor for a quick touch up could spread not only bacteria, but it could also spread more serious blood-borne pathogens like hepatitis B and C.”

4. Nail Clippers

Don't share nail clippers with your partner.

Shutterstock

Because most people don’t regularly clean their nail clippers, an accidental nick could lead to something really serious. Sonpal tells Bustle that you can “spread hepatitis C, fungal and bacterial infections” all through nail clippers.

5. Friends & Social Lives

While Lash says that having “mutual connections can be ideal,” she also recognizes that it’s important for couples to have alone time with their friends, too. That said, nothing is technically necessary when it comes to splitting up or sharing your social lives, so long as both people are comfortable with the breakdown, it’s OK. The only situation that concerns Lash is extremes. For example, “excluding your partner regularly is not OK, but having separate social lives to some degree is.” According to Lash, the goal should be to have have social practices that feel fair to each partner.

6. Antiperspirant

Don't share deodorant with your partner.

Shutterstock

You probably don’t think of your armpit as a germ zone, but according to Sonpal, it is. “Trading germs from one armpit to another is as easy as borrowing someone’s antiperspirant. Deodorants are less risky when it comes to sharing because they usually have an alcohol base. The alcohol makes your skin acidic and less attractive to bacteria. Antiperspirants are another ballgame since they typically have aluminum which blocks sweat pores, not bacteria.” So if you use antiperspirant, don’t share it, no matter what. According to Sonpal, it’s one of the most germ-ridden things you’ll find in your medicine cabinet.

7. Earbuds

Though borrowing headsets might seem harmless, Sonpal tells Bustle that you should reconsider it. “Although earwax is natural ear protection, earphones trap the once-innocent bacteria in the wax. Any wax building up on earphones traps and grows this bacteria, which could lead to infections.” Aka, you should regularly clean your own headsets and definitely keep them to yourself.

8. Solo Sexual Health Practices

Your porn habits are your own, no need to share with your partner.

Oleg Elkov/Shutterstock

“I don’t feel it’s necessary that a partner alerts the other every time they watch porn or masturbate the same way you don’t call the other every time you eat a hamburger or listen to a song on Spotify,” Hafeez tells Bustle.

While it’s good to have an open dialog about personal sexuality (in the same way a healthy relationship allows for an open dialog about everything), Hafeez explains that neither person should feel like they have to disclose this information. So while deleting your web history after watching porn or pleasuring yourself in private is totally within your rights, it’s not completely necessary either.

9. Toothbrushes

Though in theory it might seem like swapping spit with someone is no different than using their toothbrush, according to Dr. Shaheen, the latter is much, much worse. “If you use something for oral health, don’t share it with anyone,” Shaheen tells us, no matter how much you love them. If you want to clean your mouth, shoving someone else’s germs in it has the opposite effect.

When you spend time with your partner in the same living space, it’s important to have clear boundaries to not only ensure your comfort and happiness, but also your health. If you live with your partner but have not had a serious discussion about what you should and should not share, it’s never too late. And if you’re spending a lot of time with your partner and things are getting serious, take the time to flesh out these boundaries so that you don’t create bad habits together.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

How Do You Know If You’re With The Right Person? Ask Your Partner These 7 Questions

When you get into a relationship with someone, it’s safe to say that you want to make sure you’re not wasting your time. You want to be with someone who understands you, appreciates you, and is someone you can potentially see a future with. But because we aren’t mind readers, it can be hard to determine if your partner is really right for you. Lucky for you, you don’t necessarily need to be clairvoyant to figure this out because there are questions you can ask your partner to see if they’re “The One.”

“On the surface, asking questions sounds like a good idea, however, how you ask is the key,” Richard Horowitz, professional educator and co-founder of Growing Great Relationships, tells us. “Your partner does not want to feel interrogated. Therefore try to ask questions naturally and not all at once and also ask your partner to ask question so that it feels like a mutual conversation.” Through these conversations over you time, you’ll be able to learn about things such as their values, likes, and dislikes, which can play a huge part in whether or not you two may be compatible with each other. But if you’re confused about where to start, here are seven questions you can ask your partner to find out if they’re truly the right person for you.

1. How Would We Handle Worst-Case Scenarios?

Andrew Zaeh 

Sometimes the best questions to ask your partner have to do with the extremes. Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, marriage therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us that asking your partner about how they would handle things like emotional affairs, illnesses in the family, or even invasive in-laws is a good way to gauge your partner’s views and how they are under pressure. If your partner’s answers show a willingness to work together to figure out a solution, it’s a good indicator that they’ll be a communicative partner throughout the relationship. But if they have hard-and-fast rules about certain things, you can determine if they’re someone who’s right for you. This question is also a good way to determine if your partner is going to be the support system that you need in a relationship or not.

2. Do You See A Future Here?

This question may seem like it would be awkward to ask early on in a relationship, but it can really show you whether your partner can see things progressing. “Many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship,” Scott-Hudson says. She suggests asking about all the things that may come with the progression of a relationship like what pace they want to move at and when they’d like to meet and involve friends and family members. “These things are best discussed before the couple moves in together or marries in order to prevent misunderstandings and to promote clear and healthy communication.”

3. Do You Want Kids?

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You may want to become a perpetual dog-parent and never have kids, or you may want to an entire football team as a family. Whatever your preference is, it’s important to discuss it with your partner to see if you two are on the same page. With something like kids, it’s a little harder to compromise on. Scott-Hudson explains that it’s also important to be on the same page about the issue of possible infertility, to determine if you and your partner would be supportive of each other in that case. She also explains that it’s important to take it a step further and ask about how they would want to raise kids, if you both want them. She suggests asking questions like, “In what religion [if any] will we raise our children? Public or private school? Do you expect one parent to be a stay at home parent, and one to work? Or do you expect both parents to work outside of the home? Will they work during high school and college, or be full time students? Is adoption a possibility? Is in vitro a possibility? Is foster parenting a possibility?”

4. How Do You Feel About Your Family?

Andrew Zaeh 

Family can either be a great or a tricky subject for some people. Either way it’s important to learn about your partner’s family and their interactions with them to determine what values your partner grew up with and how they might act in the future. “How they answer will determine their attachment to important people they grew up with and gives you good information about how they will treat you and your possible children in the future,” Dr. Tammy Nelson, sex therapist and sex therapist and consultant for Ashley Madison, tells us. “It doesn’t matter if they are in a positive relationship with both parents, but more importantly, if they have forgiven them for past mistakes.”

5. How Do You Feel About Sex?

Sex shouldn’t just be something you and your partner do, it should also be something that you talk about. “We choose a partner based on physical and sexual attraction,” Nelson says. “If sex is important to you now, it’s definitely going to be important to you later on. Make sure that you both have the same level of interest in sex and you both see it as a priority.” This is also the case if you’re someone who doesn’t want to have sex. Being open and honest about your position on sex and asking your partner to do the same can show you whether or not you two are compatible.

6. How Important Are Politics To You?

Andrew Zaeh 

For many of us, our political ideals are directly aligned with our identities and personal values. Asking your partner about their political affiliations or who they vote for can give you an idea of what they care about and also what they might not be too concerned with. “Strangely enough, we can put up with separate religious or spiritual views and we can handle it if they are terrible slobs as roommates, but studies show that we cannot tolerate a partner who votes on the opposite side of the aisle,” Nelson says. “It might not seem like a big deal now, but if your partner has different values than you, it will matter. Particularly now, at a time when the government is divided so clearly down party lines around things that matter deeply.”

7. How Do You Act After Arguments?

Although it may be hard for your partner to be totally perceptive to how they act after arguments, asking this question can give you an idea of your partner’s behaviors and what they might need from you whenever you have a falling out. Scott-Hudson suggests asking questions like, “Do you like to be left alone? Do you need physical comfort, like a hug or a pat on the arm, when you are upset? Do you need time and space to process your feelings? Do you need me to reassure you that I’m not leaving you, that I’m not going anywhere, or abandoning you?” By asking your partner these questions, you can determine if their behaviors at your relationship’s worst will be something you’ll be able to deal with or not. And if not, you might have to reevaluate whether they’re the one for you.

It might be hard to determine if your partner is your perfect match with a few questions, but these questions are a starting point to bigger discussions that can really show you what’s important to you and your partner and if those values are compatible in the long-run.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

3 Signs You Need Space From Your Partner, Because Sometimes You Need A Break

One of the most satisfying parts of having a bae is that there’s always someone around to spend time with. Whether you’re in need of a Netflix and ~chill~ buddy or a date to bring to a family event, being in a relationship ensures that you have someone by your side when you need them. That said, no matter how in love you are, making time for yourself is really important too. Space is something you should never be ashamed to ask for, so if you’re recognizing the signs you need space from your partner, it might be time to have a conversation.

Recognizing these signs doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s wrong with your relationship. It could just be that you’ve been neglecting your needs as an individual, which can start to feel like a major strain on yourself, mentally and emotionally. I spoke with best-selling author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter to find out what you should be looking out for.

“It’s absolutely normal to love someone and also need your space,” Winter tells Elite Daily. “Partnership requires a lot of emotional and mental energy. Being in a relationship also means we’re aware and attentive to our mate’s feelings and needs.” Sometimes in our rush to satisfy others, we forget to take care of ourselves. If you suspect this might be happening to you, here are three signs you could use some you-time.

1. Everything your partner does annoys you.

According to Winter, if you find yourself constantly annoyed by everything your partner does, then there’s a solid chance that it’s time to take a step back. “When we push past our own self-care boundaries, everything our partner does will get on our nerves,” says Winter. It’s not that you don’t love them, but just like being over-exposed to your BFF or even your family can stress you out, there comes a time when you need to do your own thing for a sec.

2. You lash out at them.

“[If] you’re really bitchy [to your partner] no matter how hard you try to be nice,” it could be that you need some time to recalibrate and recharge your emotional battery, explains Winter.

Letting your partner know that you need some space can be tough, so instead, many of us try to keep quiet about our urges to fly solo. But keeping your feelings bottled up makes it easier to take out your frustrations on your SO, which can result in more hurt and confusion in the end.

3. Being around them makes you feel short-tempered and irritable.

“Too much togetherness is suffocating,” says Winter. “We’re going to be impatient and reactive if we haven’t had space to unwind and collect our thoughts. The correct balance of together and alone time is essential for any relationship to thrive.”

If you find yourself feeling tense around your SO for no reason, then it could be a sign that it’s time to have a conversation with your bae about your need for space. However, Winter also notes that if you aren’t communicating with your partner and are instead pulling away, there might be a bigger issue at place.

“You’ll know you’ve got a problem if you get more joy being away from your partner than with them, you find yourself making less and less time to see your mate each week, or you have to force yourself to put on a ‘happy face’ in order to appear normal,” warns Winter.

It’s important to be direct with your partner about how you’re feeling. Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, so there’s nothing wrong with making more time for yourself as long as you let your partner know, so they aren’t in the dark about your needs. A good partner will be supportive and understanding, so don’t be afraid to be honest.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

4 Things You Need To Know About Pickable, The New Dating App That’s Giving Women All The Power

When it comes to certain things — OK, maybe everything — we all benefit when women are in charge. And in our opinion, the same thing applies to dating in the digital age. That’s why our ears perked up when we got wind of Pickable, the new app that’s redefining what it means for women to be in control of their dating lives.

And trust us, we, too, have heard it ALL before. We’ve tried the websites that promise to deliver more compatible dates than a matchmaker, we’ve downloaded the apps that pair you based on your most obscure interests, but mostly, we’ve wasted time going back and forth with matches that we have no chance of actually meeting IRL.

But then we met Pickable, which checks the two most important boxes when it comes to online dating: It’s like no app experience we’ve had before (and we’ve had ’em all), AND it gives off major girl power vibes.

Yes and yes, thank you!

Here are 4 things you need to know about Pickable.

1. It’s built on anonymity.

One of the most unique aspects of Pickable is that it’s a totally anonymous experience for women, right up until they come across a guy they want to connect with. Unlike other apps, female users don’t have to worry about less-than-ideal people (i.e. coworkers, exes, the list goes on) coming across their profiles.

Women start by downloading the app and browsing anonymously. That’s right — they don’t have to include a photo, bio, or even their name. Men, on the other hand, create a simple profile with their name and photo, as well as an optional bio.

When a woman sees someone she wants to strike up a convo with, all she has to do is shoot him a photo, which he can either accept and start chatting, or skip and move along.

How easy is that?

2. It will save you time.

Dating apps are a lot of things. One thing they shouldn’t be is time-consuming.

Pickable provides an alternative to browsing profiles ’til you’re blue in the face, and it helps you avoid the dreaded ‘pen pal’ situation where you and your matches talk forever, but never actually meet up in reality.

Women may have anonymity on Pickable, but men also luck out: All they have to do is chill out and wait until they’re notified that someone wants to chat, and from there (if they’re interested) they can engage, and then take the conversation where it should be — offline, ASAP.

No more sending messages out into the void and getting shot down, or worse, not getting a response at all.

3. It cuts out the stuff that doesn’t matter.

With some apps, you’re practically encouraged to build out elaborate profiles with oh-so-clever bios and the *perfect* pictures that show you from all the right angles.

But how much does that stuff actually matter in the long run?

Not much, according to Pickable. With their minimalist profiles for men, and no profiles for women, they’re cutting out all the fluff that usually just ends up complicating things, and getting straight to what’s most important: Meeting up in real life to see if you’re actually compatible.

4. It evens the playing field.

Even though the Pickable experience differs for men and women, a couple crucial things remain the same: Neither can send unsolicited messages, and once a woman’s chat request is accepted by a man, EITHER can send the first message.

This gives both parties the ability to come up with a fun opening line, and makes unsolicited messages from people you’re not interested in a thing of the past.

Want to try out Pickable and see for yourself what all the hype is about? All you have to do is download the app for free (!); it’s available on both iOS and Android. And in the meantime, click here to learn more about how Pickable works to make real connections in the easiest, most fuss-free way possible.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 is Now for Sale on Amazon and Kindle!

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

“Love is a many splintered thing” – Andrew Eldritch

Here it is! The long awaited sequel to the best selling Phicklephilly! Thanks to everyone who bought the first book, and to all of my readers and subscribers on this blog!

Without all of you, none of this would be possible!

You can get it here!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

When I started writing Phicklephilly back in May of 2016, I never realized how much it would grow and flourish as I went forward. It began as an earnest effort to start writing again. After a few false starts through the summer, I finally decided that if I was going to start writing again, I should stop talking about it and just do it. 

It began like most creative works. Slowly. Once I published my first post, I thought; how am I going to do this every Monday? I had no followers and no exposure anywhere. Instead of worrying about that, I decided to dig in and start to tell stories from my recent past. But since then it’s grown exponentially. It’s a dot com now and has hundreds of thousands of page views. I’ve monetized the site and secured advertisers that generate revenue to support my work. It’s been a lot of fun!

In the beginning, my inspiration was a server named Maria who worked at a local restaurant. I sort of had a crush on her but it never became anything. But it was enough to get me writing again. When I met her I had already been in Philly for almost ten years.

 My first relationship with Michelle had only lasted about three years before she left me. She was approaching age thirty and the alarms were going off in her head to get married and make babies. I had already been married and divorced years before that and had a daughter. I wasn’t going down that painful and expensive road again. The odd thing about my relationship with Michelle was, it was the first time I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, stayed friends with me. We were best friends. Isn’t that the key to all successful and loving relationships? 

Michelle reconnected with her former high school boyfriend. Normally that never works but I think this time it might. I think Michelle broke up with him, left Delaware and came to Philly because the guy wasn’t on the road to success. I think Michelle needed to explore the world a bit. She did that for a while and then met me. I was new and different and we had the time of our lives together in the city. But what neither of us realized was that was all we really were. A couple of people who loved the city and it’s nightlife. The drinks flowed and the laughter ensued. But once we got an apartment and moved in together it was the beginning of the end. We didn’t know it at the time, but domestic life never suited our relationship. We were best friends who liked the social excitement of going out, and being a deadly couple in the city. Once the adventure ended it was over. 

We tried it for a while, and did all of the things that couples do. Celebrate the holidays, birthdays, family stuff, and all of the other grinding aspects of domestic life. But we just got to a point where Michelle realized I wasn’t going to marry her and give her kids. We remained friends for several years after that until she moved to California in 2013 to be with her former boyfriend. He had become the man she had hoped he’d be many years ago. She married him, and at the time of this writing has a baby daughter. So it all worked out for her. She achieved the American dream.

I on the other hand started dating Annabelle in 2013. Annabelle is a failed actress and photographer. She makes her living shooting head shots and weddings. The reason things failed with Annabelle was our obvious age difference, and absolute opposite lifestyles. I was the corporate sales guy, and she lived in a world surrounded by theater people. It was like oil and water, and the only thing we shared was our mutual attraction to each other. Annabelle served as a temporary stand-in for my friend Michelle. The relationship lasted a tumultuous nine months and ended. It was fun in the beginning, but all romantic endeavors are. Once the reality sets in that you’re not a match, normally the relationship dissolves. Both of these relationships are well documented in the first Phicklephilly book.

Michelle is long gone, but her memory continues to haunt me of what could have been.

Near the end of the book I met Cherie. When I started writing the blog I realized I had to get back in the dating game. So I did what most people do. I went on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and whatever else was available. I went on a bunch of crazy dates, but things clicked pretty early on with Cherie. 

I realized I had an ending to my first book. I had burned through a couple of relationships, and then met my love, Cherie. Everything was right in the world. She made me happy and we shared some wonderful times. Over the first couple of months we became close and Phicklephilly had a happy conclusion. It seemed like the perfect ending to a great story. I had reached my destination, and had found love in Philly!

Also, when I was with Michelle and Annabelle, I wasn’t writing. Their stories were told from memory, so it’s basically our greatest hits. But phicklephilly the blog was alive and well when I met Cherie. A rich history indeed!

But what happened after the end of the first book? We’re both in love with each other and things are going great. The story has to continue. I can’t just let the tale end there. There’s so much more to reveal. 

Please join me on my continuing journey.

 

You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

4 Telltale Signs the Sexual Tension Is Mutual

Do they want to sleep with me, or are they just being friendly? Its the age old question that many a man has failed to answer. When wrong, and you pursue a sexual or romantic relationship, you risk losing a close friendship or put yourself in a situation where you can get brutally rejected. (There are few phrases more devastating than: You know I like you. I just like you as a friend.)

4 Telltale Signs the Sexual Tension Is Mutual

Thomas Barwick

But if you don’t go for it, and they do in fact want to have sex, you’re missing a golden opportunity. They could have been that incredible lay (or serious partner) you’ve dreamed about since adolescence. So how do you know if the sexual tension you feel is real, or if you simply want it to be real? How do you know if they want to get down, too?

Here are four telltale signs that the sexual tension is mutual.

1. You’re both sustaining eye contact.

The eyes are not just a window into a persons soul, they’re also a direct highway to pound town. Eye contact provides some of the strongest information during a social interaction, a social psychologist who studies eye contact, The Scientific American. Its why your mother always told you to “look him directly in the eyes while shaking his hand.”

When there’s a strong sexual desire, our eyes can make that abundantly clear. Sustained eye contact, and were taking 3 or more seconds, is a huge indicator. This is even more true if you find yourself still making eye contact during a lull in the conversation. If no words are being said, but you’re still intensely gazing at one another, they likely want to rip your clothes off right there.

2. Your conversations feel a little awkward.

Sexual tension is all about, well, tension… and tension can be awkward. While you may want to passionately go at it in one of the handicap stalls, you’re instead standing by the water cooler asking when they plan to finish their .

Those reports, clearly, are not whats really on your mind. Its undeniably awkward speaking about something banal when your mind is off imagining what the two of you could be doing together. Since its distracting, you might not be focusing on whatever it is they’re actually saying, which can cause you to miss a beat in the conversation or ask them to repeat themselves. That leads to a hell of an awkward conversation.

Still, you need to make sure that they, too, are acting awkwardly because they feel the sexual tension not because they’re uncomfortable.

“In the midst of what you think is sexual tension, be sure not to get blinded by your own excitement,” Billy Procida, host of , tells Men’s Health. “When there’s an awkward pause in the conversation, does she smile while nervously looking away, giggling as she fidgets with her hair? Do his cheeks get red? Or are her eyes trying to locate her phone so she can make a quick escape?”

“You need to ask yourself,” Procida makes clear, “are you reading sexual tension in her body language, or are you seeing what your desires want you to see?”

3. You’re in close proximity while talking.

There’s actually a large field of research called , which studies how human space affects communication, social interactions, and the larger population. While it , in the United States, most people (without sexual tension) stand about 4-12 feet away in whats called a social distance. Personal distance, which is usually only for friends and family is categorized as 2-4 feet, whereas intimate distance is 0-2 feet. If you find yourself naturally talking to them in the intimate or personal distance space, then yeah, there’s probably something going on. I mean, for the love of God, its called intimate distance when it’s that close, so they likely want to be intimate with you.

4. There’s something going on with all that touching.

Sexual tension can be present with or without touching, which can make this a tad bit confusing. The thing is, we often experience sexual tension with someone because we cant or shouldn’t be with them. This can include a co-worker, boss, a best friends ex, teacher, or anyone else where there are valid reasons why it would be deemed inappropriate to have sex. Because of this, you both may want to touch but are keeping your hands to yourself. In these situations a lack of touching doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of sexual tension, but rather, an extreme form of sexual tension.

On the other hand, if you’re in a situation where it is okay to touch, and you find that they are taking every opportunity that have to touch you and I mean platonic touching then there’s likely sexual tension.

“He’ll put his hands around your back when he’s talking, or maybe he guides you through a crowded bar,” Rachel Hoffman , LCSW, M.Ed., previously told INSIDER . “If he reaches for your hand… then you can almost guarantee that he’s into you.”

And if they’re putting their hands on your thigh while you’re sitting down, yes, Jesus Christ, that’s some sexual tension, and you should act on it.

So what should you do if you sense that they, too, are feeling sexual tension?

First and foremost, don’t get too ahead of yourself. There’s likely a reason you haven’t acted on the sexual tension already: they are someone you shouldn’t be boning. But lets say its not an employee or sister-in-law, then what?

“We take a shot,” Procida says. “But you want to make sure that taking a shot is consensual and respects the other person. This isn’t a movie it’s not cool to ‘take a chance’ by pushing someone up against the wall, kissing them, and hoping they were down for that.”

So why not ask them out on an official date? From there, its a lot easier to actually have sex, since your intentions are clearly innuendo and more enthusiastic consent. The key to asking just in case you’re wrong and they totally don’t want to screw is giving them an easy way to reject you. This can actually make it less uncomfortable for both parties involved.

I typically say, I’m not sure if I’m reading this right, but do you want to go out on a date? Then if they say, Oh, no you can be chill, and reply with, Okay! Yeah, just needed to get that out of my system. Totally misread. Will it be slightly awkward for the next few days? Yeah, obviously. But if you’re both mature adults, you’ll get over it and move to a place of friendship without sexual tension.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

Why Is Getting Over Someone Who Cheated So Hard? Here’s What Experts Say

Most of us have been, or will go, through a breakup (or, you know, a few) in our lives. None of them are especially fun, but there is something exquisitely painful about having your relationship implode because a partner cheated. The confusion, the pain, and — let’s be honest — the anger in this situation can be really intense. None of this is made any easier when you’re faced with actually having to get over someone who cheated and move on for good, which can feel like it’s even more impossible.

Here’s the silver lining: If it feels like moving on from a cheating partner is harder than the other breakups and heartbreaks you’ve endured, it’s definitely not just you. “It’s really challenging to move forward when you’ve been cheated on,” life coach Nina Rubin confirms to Elite Daily. But why is it so much more difficult? It turns out that not all forms of heartbreak are the same, and the effects of infidelity can last much longer. Here’s what the experts have to say on why the pain of cheating lingers, plus how to move forward and put that hurt in the rearview mirror.

Cheating Undermines Your Ability To Trust

When a relationship ends due to a partner’s infidelity, there is another layer of betrayal, and that, Rubin explains, is what destroys the faith you had in them. “Physical and emotional affairs cut the main artery of a relationship: Trust. When you’ve been cheated on, you can no longer trust your partner,” and that, she explains, can be incredibly painful.

vitapix/E+/Getty Images

“Affairs bring with them extremely complex emotions and thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, humiliation, confusion, and fear,” explains Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles. But it’s not just the pain that makes moving on from a partner who cheats difficult. There are also feelings of anger to heal from, as Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. “It hurts to know that your ex has broken their promises to you and wasted your time and energy,” she explains.

Infidelity Can Undermine Your Self-Confidence

Perhaps the most insidious part of breaking up with someone who was unfaithful is the way that their betrayal can undermine your self confidence. Chong warns against falling into the trap of comparing yourself to the person your SO cheated with. “Not only do you have the loss of the relationship to get over, you also have the shame of feeling replaced by someone ‘better.’ You’re constantly wondering if they were better-looking, taller, funnier or even better at sex than you,” says Chong. Not only will these kinds of comparisons increase your own pain, but they aren’t even the reality of the situation, Chong explains. “It’s never because you weren’t good enough,” says Chong. “Nor was it something you did that caused them to cheat. Cheating is their decision, and their decision alone. Cheating is multifaceted, and sometimes the reason for cheating can be deeper and more complex.”

How To Get Over Someone Who Cheated

Understanding why getting over someone who cheated is so difficult is one thing, but knowing how to actually do it is another. The first step is to make a conscious decision to move forward, says Chong. “If you have determined that the relationship is broken beyond repair, the most important thing is to simply decide that you will move on,” she explains. That also means sticking to this decision even if the cheating partner decides they want to keep trying. “If the person has broken up with you due to the other person, you must ‘reject the rejector’,” Chong says. “If you have broken up with the person, you must decide that you will not accept that person back, because they have broken your trust and that can never be replaced again.” By staying firm in your choice, Chong says you can actually speed up the healing process. “Set a goal, figure out how you will get there, and then push yourself to get there. Take time to grieve, but don’t stay there too long,” she advises.

Slavica/E+/Getty Images

How long is too long to grieve a breakup? “It takes as long as it takes,” says Rubin, although she adds that the time you take needs to be constructive. “The best thing you can do for yourself is process the pain and learn more about your triggers. Keep holding your head high.” It’s also important to note that, as you continue to heal, the feelings of betrayal left by cheating can create lasting emotional scars. “You may have triggers in your next relationship,” says Rubin. “This is normal. If you start feeling anxious or paranoid that your partner is going to cheat on you, this is a cue to get help and talk to them about your concerns.”

While there is no way to entirely avoid the pain that follows infidelity, the most important thing to remember is that healing is possible. “You can move forward. You can have a great life post-infidelity,” assures Dr. Brown. So hang in there and make your focus about self-care and self-love. You’ve got this.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Scientists Claim Men With Dad Bods Are More Attractive To Women And Live Longer

While the plus-size and curves craze have taken over women’s perceptions of beauty on social media, men have quietly been staging their own physical attractiveness revolution. Introducing: the ‘dad bod’.

Ever wonder how Leonard DiCaprio and Vince Vaughn always end up with ridiculously hot women? Dad bod. How Rober De Niro continues to swoon and father children at the ripe age of 73? Dad bod. Yes, packing a little extra weight around the midriff has gone from being considered as something you need to sort out to incredibly sexy.

Image Source: Pinterest
Image Source: Pinterest

In fact, it’s so ‘in’ at the moment, that entire social media pages have dedicated themselves to promoting the dad bod.

It’s not just a trend, scientists have proven that having a bit of a beer belly can and does attract women. According to Richard Bribiescas, Professor of Anthropology at Yale University, older, slightly overweight men with children are the most attractive to women.

Now for the science part: Men who already have children suggest virility – the fact that they have children means they’re capable of reproducing, a factor that has kept our race going since the first human beings roamed the earth. The added weight gain after fatherhood occurs due to a decrease in testosterone levels. While this might sound like a bad thing, it actually strengthens the immune system, making men less susceptible to heart attacks in the future.

In his book ‘How Men Age: What Evolution Reveals About Male Health and Mortality’, Bribiescas states that being “macho makes you sick.”

“While men are on average larger and physically stronger than women, men have a considerable weakness.

 “We have a harder time fighting off infections and illness compared with women, and… men simply do not take care of themselves.

“[One] effect of lower testosterone levels is loss of muscle mass and increases in fat mass.

“This change in body composition not only causes men to shop for more comfortable trousers, but also facilitates increased survivorship and, hypothetically, a hormonal milieu that would more effectively promote and support paternal investment.”

It might sound crazy, but it does make a lot of sense. Fitness is no longer an evolutionary factor when it comes to the rules of attraction, because we don’t have to fight for meals anymore. What’s far more important for the survival of our species is for men to live longer and to be faithful partners who stick around.

So when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, forgetting renewing your gym membership and pile on a couple of extra pounds instead. More to love, that’s what we’re saying!

**We should probably point out that Leonard DiCaprio is also an avid humanitarian and environmental activist, which probably plays a major part in his overall attractiveness…**

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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