The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Going on a First Date

And how you can avoid them!

First dates can be pretty scary. What should you wear? Where should the date be? What should you talk about?

Wardrobe woes and awkward silences aside, a first date can also quite literally be a scary experience. Especially in today’s modern dating world, it’s so important that a woman take the necessary measures to protect herself and be alert and aware of any possible dating red flags.

And this is even more crucial when it comes to online dating or meeting a man from a dating app like Tinder, which is a common way for snagging a date these days.

So what are some of the biggest mistakes women tend to make when going on a first date?

While a first date will, of course, never be perfect, here are some of the biggest mistakes that a woman can make, and some dating tips for avoiding them.

1. Leaving yourself defenseless

In this day and age, it’s safety above all else, ladies. This is especially true when you’re meeting a guy from a dating app or online.

We cannot stress this enough – you must always, always be prepared to protect yourself.

Taking a self-defense class is one great thing you can do so that you’re able to rely on and defend yourself in case a situation arises when you’re alone with your date. And besides the incredible safety factor, self-defense classes are also extremely empowering and can give you a great sense of strength.

An easier option is to carry something with you at all times that you can use to protect yourself, such as a personal alarm, like this one from SafeSound (get 50% off.) You won’t need any training to use it, it’ll fit in your purse, and best of all, it will give you peace of mind when you’re meeting up with that random dude from Tinder.

2. Not having anything to talk about

The whole reason you’re even going on a date is to find out more information about this person and decide if you’d like to see them again, right?

So if you’re going to go on a date and sit in silence the whole time, then you may as well have just stayed home and continued your Netflix binge.

Now, we’re not saying that you should sit down and divulge your entire life story, but you must come prepared with conversation topics or there’s really no use going at all.

And while it’s good to know the standard things, such as what he does for a living and what the name of his cat is, it’s also important to dig just a little bit deeper so that you can find out more about the kind of man he is.

3. Talking way too much

Have you ever been to a restaurant and overheard an awkward date? You know the one — the girl (or the guy) won’t stop rambling on, and the other person never gets in a word. They sit there twirling their straw, staring off into space, leaving you to wonder why they don’t just excuse themselves to the bathroom and never come back.

Trust us, you do not want to be this person – especially on a first date.

He doesn’t need to know everything about you, your childhood pet, and about your dear Aunt Judy on the first date. You’ve got to leave a little bit of mystery, you know!

Besides, it’s very important that he does the talking, too. That’s where those conversation topics come into play.

4. Forgetting to share your date details with friends or family

So, you met someone and you’ve arranged a date with them. Exciting, right?

However, this is where so many women make a huge mistake.

Before you even start celebrating, find your contacts. Now pick someone you absolutely trust and tell them where you’re going, when you’re going, and who you’re going on the date with.

It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, your dad, your best friend, or better yet, all of them. It’s critical that you let someone know that you’re going to be on this date. This is especially true if the person you’re meeting is from the internet.

And hey, do you have friends who are active on the dating scene? Maybe you can be that trustworthy friend for them. Better yet, you can ask them to share their location with you via their phone, or buy them a personal alarm to keep in their purse.

5. Using a cell phone

We don’t know about you, but one of the most uncomfortable, depressing things is seeing two people who are out on a date and they’re both sitting there looking down at their phones.

These days, it’s hard for people to become disconnected from the online world. We feel like we need to be physically attached to our phones 24/7 as if our very lives depend on it.

You know how you’re always complaining to your friends about how you wish you could go back to the good old days and have an old-school type of romance? Well, guess what they didn’t have in those good old days? That’s right! A phone. Yes, you actually had to make eye contact and speak with another person.

Think about it like this: what if it was the other way around and the person you were on a date with took out his phone and started ignoring you? Would you consider going out with him again? We didn’t think so.

Put down the phone. Your followers can wait.

6. Not meeting in a public place

A first date should always, always be in a public place.

Don’t ever meet someone in a setting where you are alone with them.

Always pick somewhere that you know will be a place with a lot of people.

However, you should still always be prepared and look out for yourself by taking all of the other necessary safety precautions as mentioned, carrying something with you for protection, and informing your friends and family where you are.

Dating can cause a lot of mixed emotions. And it’s completely normal to feel all of these things at the prospect of a first date!

It’s important to have fun with dating, but it’s even more important to look out for yourself and protect yourself when venturing out into the modern dating world.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

15 Underrated Pickup Lines That’ll Definitely Impress

Pickup lines might not always be the best way to start a flirty conversation because they might not be everyone’s jam. But when used appropriately, there are plenty of underrated pickup lines that can serve as useful tools in the dating sphere. Whether you’re on your favorite dating app or you’re trying to make conversation with your crush, zero in on pickup lines that feel authentic to who you are.

According to Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., and social psychologist, studies show that pickup lines can successfully showcase your humor and communication style to a potential match. “Pickup lines serve as an advertisement, filter, and screening device,” wrote Nicholson on Psychology Today. “The type of line a [person] chooses says something about [their] personality and attributes. Similarly, whether [the other person] finds a particular type of line appealing says something about [their] personality and attributes as well.”

If any of these one-liners make you chuckle, chances are, a compatible match will also find them funny. Or, at the very least, they’ll be happy that you worked up the courage to say something.

1. “Can I ask your opinion on something?”

2. “I think I dropped my phone. Can you call it?”

3. “Are you French? Because ma-damn, you’re fine.”

4. “Hi, I’m [Name]. Someone said you were looking for me.”

5. “Besides being gorgeous, what do you do for a living?”

6. [Point to your friend] “‘Hey, see my friend down there? [He/She] wants to know if you think I’m cute.”

7. “You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line.”

8. “Do you have any raisins? How about a date?”

9. “Hey, are you stairs? Because you take my breath away.”

10. “Good thing I brought my library card, cause I’m checking you out!”

Bar drinking cocktails young couple in love dating talking with drinks at restaurant at night. People at restaurant with alcoholic cocktail beverage.
Shutterstock

11. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? You are hot.”

12. “Do you know what my shirt is made of? [Boyfriend/Girlfriend] material.”

13. “Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause, you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.”

14. “Can I follow you home? My parents always told me to follow my dreams.”

15. “Didn’t I see you on the cover of ‘Vogue’?”

Even though the stakes can feel impossibly high when approaching someone who’s caught your eye, it’s important to stay true to who you are. There are plenty of compatible matches out there who will appreciate getting a sneak peek into your personality, so don’t be afraid to make a move.

The Horror You Experience When You Realize You’re A Rebound

The rebound is a natural part of the love food-chain.

Here’s a guest post from one of my subscribers here on WordPress. I really like her dramatic writing style!

Take it away!

“I don’t know HOW she could possibly move on from me THAT quickly!” I once blubbered to a friend, fat, salty tears sliding down my swollen face. My first serious, committed relationship had just come to a screeching halt, and I’d found out that in the same moment that I’d been nursing my broken heart by weeping into a bowl of macaroni and cheese, my ex had been on her third date with someone new.

“Oh, come on, Zara! She’s totally a rebound,” my friend rolled her eyes so hard she looked like she was being exorcised by a priest.

“You think?” I whispered. I felt my spirit spring up, like a baby meerkat; incredulous and hopeful.

“Zara are you stupid? She’s not even her type.” She filled up her glass of wine to the tippy top. “This bullshit won’t last a month.”

“You’re right.” I felt a sudden wave of relief wash over me. It was as if I’d just popped a Xanax! This new little b*tch my ex was carousing around town with? Well, she meant absolutely nothing. She was a rebound. A glaringly obvious rebound at that. A smug smile made its way across my distraught, dehydrated face. “Poor girl,” I purred flashing my bleached teeth.

We’ve ALL had experiences with rebounds, right? The rebound is a natural part of the love food-chain. We silently shake our heads when our friends claim to be in “love” with some floozy they started dating days after their breakup. We wake up in horror, overcome with a mean case of sudden repulsion syndrome when we realize the person sleeping next to us — the one we thought might be the next great love of our lives — was nothing but a rebound. We judge our exes for their rebounds and gab to our friends about how much better we are and what a downgrade she is and how embarrassing for everyone involved!

But what about the awful, degrading realization of *being* the rebound? Of having that revelation that *you* were the temporary floozy? Of being hit with the dark epiphany that you were nothing but a fleeting distraction, a pretty pink band-aid patching up a cracked heart?

It was a humid, rainy summer in Florida when it happened to me. While it might’ve poured so hard every single day that the palm trees grew cartoonishly big and plump, I was experiencing a drought as dire as Texas in 2011. Dating apps were new and while I swiped so hard I developed carpel tunnel in my right hand, I never seemed to match with anyone date-worthy.

Until I matched with a short-haired editor named Georgina. Georgina and I met up at a cozy Italian bistro and I liked her right away. We had one of those first dates that feels magical — like you’re about to embark on something new and glittery and exciting. We wasted no time suffering through the usual robotic small talk. We dove into the deep end of the pool right away. We discussed our childhoods, our career ambitions, our teenage traumas. We looked into each other’s eyes like we’d known each other for lifetimes. She drove me home and we passionately made out in the driveway, like two sex-starved gay teens having the first taste of their own gender. Before she peeled out of my driveway I received a text message. “I had such AN AMAZING TIME WITH YOU! Can we meet up again SOON!?” she messaged, thirstily.

I forced myself to wait ten minutes to respond.

“Me too. Let’s meet up!”

The next two weeks were a whirlwind of soul-baring dinner dates, libidinous sex sessions, ardent late-night phone calls, and poetic text exchanges.

“Isn’t this a little fast?” my friends said all at once, a lesbian greek chorus clad in dr. marten boots and flannel shirts.

“Maybe,” I admitted as I guzzled down my wine.

“Didn’t she just get out of a relationship?” the lesbian greek chorus dutifully sang. I hadn’t told them she had, but gays somehow know all the tea on other gays, regardless of where they live or where they’re from, or what social sorority they pledge to.

“Yes,” I smirked. “She’s assured me that the fire in her last relationship burned out a LONG time ago.” I smoothed my hair down like a true Republican lady and ignored their worried glances. What did they know about instantaneous love? (A lot because they’d all U-Hauled, but that’s beside the point).

One night, as I was getting ready for a date I felt a strange twinge in my stomach. Do you know that feeling you get right before someone breaks up with you? It sort of feels like you’ve been hit with an arrow straight in the gut? I felt that. “Don’t be ridiculous, Zara,” I said to myself. “After all, she’s the one who is more into YOU. She’s been pursuing the shit out of you. This is SO typical. You don’t, deep down, believe that you are deserving of nice things. Well, I have news for you! You are, babe,” I hyped myself loud enough to drown out the lingering doubt tickling the inside of my ear with its breathy whisper.

I arrived early and ordered champagne. I was wearing an amazing dress, a dark gray “fit and flair” that had an actual wire at the hem, which made it flute out at the bottom, like a bell. My hair was long and loose and my eyes were smokier than an Eastern European nightclub. My lips were fire-engine red. My nails were fire-engine red. I felt like a Real Housewife of New Jersey mixed with a chic London socialite. I twisted a faux ruby around my finger, sipped my champagne and tried to quell the gnawing feeling holding court in my chest.

My lover of two fervent weeks finally arrived. She ordered a canned beer, the least festive drink on the planet. The moment it was plopped down in front of her distant eyes, she cleared her throat, dramatically, like she was a politician about to deliver a speech to the people. “Zara. Look, I’ve had an amazing time with you.”

I looked at my hopeful glass of champagne and felt instantly depressed.

“But I think I rushed things a bit. I’m so sorry. I just got out of a really big relationship and I haven’t dealt with it yet. I’m not…”

“Ready. You’re not ready,” I cut in, finishing her sentence.

“Yeah. How did you know I was going to say that?” Her eyes looked a little paranoid like she was afraid I was reading her mind. I could’ve. But I didn’t. (It’s not classy to abuse your psychic gifts on a date).

“Because I’ve given this exact speech before,” I quipped. “To rebounds.“

“You’re not a rebound!” she raised her eyebrows defensively. “I’m just not ready.”

“Yes. But the next girl you date you’ll be ready for. Make sure she sends me flowers and a thank you card,” I grumbled, sliding out of my seat.

I did what I always do when my feelings are crushed. I went out. I met up with some friends at our favorite bar downtown.

“Can you believe it?! SHE ENDED THINGS. WITH ME,” I shouted to my best friend Eduardo.

“That sucks,” he said with dead eyes. “Let’s do a shot?”

“I don’t think you quite understand! I was her rebound. She used me!” I felt dirty, like that old rag you use to wipe down your kitchen and the windows.

“I get it. But it happens to everyone,” Eduardo paid for a round of shots. “It’s just the way life goes.” He passed me a little glass filled with clear liquid.

We tapped glasses, threw our heads back and inhaled straight tequila. My eyes burned so badly from the severity of the alcohol I felt like someone poured peroxide in them. “Am I f*cking rebound girl now? Am I that girl you project a fantasy onto because you’re heartbroken and need a warm body to make you feel whole again?” I shivered. I looked at my red nails. Hours ago they looked shiny and vibrant, now they looked desperate. My nails have no chill. My dress has no chill. I have no chill. My thoughts spiraled out onto the street.

“It has nothing to do with you. You know that. You’ve had rebounds. We all know you don’t even see a rebound. You plaster your own ideas onto their faces. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, Z. Get over it.” His eyes were no longer dead. They were young and alive.

Like me.

Suddenly I felt my feet rooted into the bar floor. Eduardo was right. While it’s a blow to the ole’ ego to be a rebound, it’s not the end of the world. And maybe it’s good for us to be a rebound. After all, isn’t their a famous Sufi saying about how “When the ego weeps for what it has lost, the spirit rejoices for what it has gained,”? I’ll do anything to strengthen my spirit! Because I know that bitch will long outlive my frail-ass ego.

So if you’ve just realized you are a rebound, I want you to release your pain into the ether. Because you haven’t really lost anything worth having.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Sexual Flirting: How to go from Flirting to Fire

You’ve met a new someone and you’re feeling the frissons of attraction. How do you read between regular flirting and that special kind of sexual flirting?

It’s a special feeling. It’s a sexy, unique feeling, and one which takes over your consciousness, leaving you unable to concentrate on much else. I am, of course, talking about sexual flirting and the sensation of being so into something, you literally want to devour them in one sitting. You want them, you know they want you too because they’re mirroring your flirtation, and it’s going to happen sometime, sometime soon.

This building of sexual tension is one of the best feelings at the start of a relationship, but it can also be something that happens between two people who aren’t in a relationship. This is how hooks ups begin!

Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re not, sexual flirting is fun, it’s just the right side of naughty, and it will make the anticipation and build-up to the main event something you can’t get enough of.

But, what exactly is sexual flirting, and how is it different from regular, ‘I like you’ flirting.

What is sexual flirting really?

Sexual flirting isn’t about ‘I like you, it’s about ‘I want you, and there’s a very real difference between those two statements. You can like someone and want to get to know someone, whilst also wanting to get closer to them. But if you want someone, you don’t always have to want to get to know them. Think about Tinder for one, much of the flirting that goes on is downright sexual and nothing else!

If you’re not sure how to go about performing sexual flirting, and you’re trying to give someone you’re seeing the heads up that you’re feeling a little, shall we say, frisky, then let’s check out a few features of this special, steamy type of flirting.

Give these a go!

#1 The eye contact and coy smile combo. We’ve all seen this one, and we’ve probably done it without realizing it. Sexual flirting 101 is catching his or her eyes, looking down for a second, and then letting your eyes run up their body to catch their eyes once more, all with a coy smile on your face. If you bite your finger or sip on a straw at the same time, you get bonus points for extra hot sexual flirting.

#2 Talking just a little naughty. There is a difference between dirty talk and naughty talk, and when you’re trying out sexual flirting, you need to stick to the naughty side of the spectrum. Dirty talk is for when the deed actually happens, not before!

Again, coyness is the way to with this one, something like ‘I’m sorry I can’t help but stare at your biceps’ and then cover your eyes in a joking way and say ‘oh I can’t believe I just said that, to cover it up and give an innocent edge. Sexual innuendos work wonderfully well in sexual flirting because they’re thinking ‘did they really just say that? Or, am I imagining it?’, and it keeps the game flowing back and forth.

#3 Invade their space. You know that regular flirting involves slight touching, e.g. touching their arm when you laugh, or a joking nudge, but sexual flirting takes it up a notch. Now, be careful not to cross any lines here, you’re trying to invade space not invade their personal boundaries!

I’m talking about standing just a little closer than you normally would, so they can feel your breath against their skin. That odd brush against their skin that’s just a second longer than is necessary. These are all sexual flirting hints that aren’t heavy, but make them think ‘hmm, there are signals coming my way here.

#4 Make your compliments suggestive. If you’re going to compliment them on any part of their body, make sure you add in a hint of suggestion. For instance, when you’re trying out sexual flirting, you won’t say ‘oh I love your eye color’ because that’s general flirting and it’s cute, not hot. What you want to do is pick a body part that is close enough to the main event, but nothing too direct. So, ‘you know, you have great legs’ is a good one. Legs aren’t offensive, but they lead somewhere quite sexual…

#5 Stroke their hand. This one might sound ridiculous at first, but hear me out. When you’re out in public, sat holding hands perhaps, make lazy circles on their palm. It feels fantastic, and it’s just enough suggestion to make them know what you’re thinking about. It’s not a full-on PDA, and it’s not going to make anyone uncomfortable, but the two of you will know where it’s going.

Why you should hold it back, just a little

The above five ways are top examples of sexual flirting. You don’t want to be direct and too full on. Firstly, if they’re flirting back there’s a good indication that they’re on the same page as you. But you don’t know for sure, especially if it’s the start of getting to know each other, or you don’t know them well at all!

By going too far, you run the risk of them becoming upset and running away. And that’s never a pleasant experience for either party. Sexual flirting is about testing the waters, seeing if there might be a possibility of more about to happen.

Of course, sexual flirting is also great fun, and when you’re batting the same signals back and forth, you’re going to feel amazing right at that moment. It’s about the anticipation, and it’s about keeping that going for as long as you can before you both spontaneously combust and can’t take the tension for a second longer! By that time, you both know what’s happening next.

When you notice that things are heading towards bedroom 101, hold it back, just a little. Why? Because the longer this flirting goes on, the more satisfying the final deal will be! You’ll both be in a state of frenzy and can you imagine how amazing it’s going to feel when relief comes to the two of you? Divine!

The importance of reading your flirting partner well

I should point out however that sexual flirting is a little risky. I say this because some people can’t handle it as well as others. For instance, if you are flirting with someone who is quite shy, they might not feel comfortable and may feel that you’re coming on too strong.

If you’re trying to build a relationship with this person, they might also feel that you’re pushing things too fast. I can’t give you much advice on this one, other than to test the waters and do what you feel is right. You know this person in this situation, at least a little, and you know whether they’re shy or they’re a little more reserved.

Some people don’t like to acknowledge sex and attraction, they simply act it out rather than talk about it or show it. That’s their choice to work that way and you have to respect it.

This is also where a lot of Tinder conversations go from promising to zero within a few minutes. You talk to someone, they seem great, and you do not have to hook up on your mind. Suddenly they’re hitting the sexual flirting buttons left, right, and center, and it’s just too much too soon. You don’t talk to them again.

The sad thing is they might have just read it all wrong and could be a really great person to get to know. This is why you have to read your partner, or the other person, as well as you can before you give this type of flirting a try.

Regardless, the single best type of sexual flirting is when you both 100% know you’re on the same page, you’re bantering back and forth, the anticipation is building, and it feels like a pressure cooker reaching its peak temperature, about to blow.

When it finally happens, all the time you put into this sexual flirting business will pay off, believe me!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Things All Couples in Healthy Relationships Do Every Day

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands.

All relationships are unique but all require one thing: hard work.

There is a lot of relationship advice out there, from articles to videos. But, after 20+ years as a marriage advisor working with executives and their families, I found that work success can also translate into martial and committed relationship success.

Healthy relationships require just as much work and effort in order to be successful. In marriage, especially, the hard work doesn’t stop at the wedding. It continues on until “death do us part”.

Whether you’re in a relationship or married, it’s important for both partners to do their fair share and lift their weight in order to last a long time.

If you can put as much effort into building your career as learning how to have a healthy relationship, you will achieve the same success.

Here are 10 ways to apply your hard-working ethics to successful and healthy relationships.

1. Take responsibility for the health of your relationship

You and your spouse are responsible for the state of your marriage.

Acknowledge that your beliefs, choices, and behaviors all play a role in your relationship, and strive to make decisions that support your bond.

2. Exhibit the behaviors you hope to see in your spouse

If you want to be with a kind, considerate, and hardworking person, you too need to adopt these attributes.

Lay the foundation for a successful marriage by acting in a way that makes you proud. Show your spouse you love and respect them to nurture your relationship.

3. Give more than you hope to receive

Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated — and then go the extra mile.

Be the example, even if you do not believe your spouse is giving back what you are putting into the marriage. Live without expecting reciprocity.

4. Determine who you are

Clarity about who you are and where you are headed brings feelings of purpose and fulfillment.

By discussing what you want and encouraging your spouse to do the same, you will build a framework to evaluate your desired outcomes.

5. Continue building your relationship skills

Few couples put in the time to actively improve their relationship skills.

It’s important, however, that you work to continually strengthen your bond.

6. Advocate for your marriage or commitment

Society conveys that spouses should consider divorce when things are no longer “fun” or “easy”.

Rather than accepting this outlook, view your marriage as the most important relationship you have. Remember that your union is sacred.

7. Commit to your partner

Marriage is an investment not only in your partner but also in your relationship.

Even when things become difficult, honor your commitment by putting in the work needed to sustain a healthy marriage.

8. Aim for personal growth

The challenges we face help us learn and grow. Couples who stay together through difficult times report that their marriages are happier and stronger.

Aim to improve yourself, and your marriage will improve too.

9. Learn from other successful relationships

Those who have not witnessed other happy marriages or committed relationships often struggle with their own relationships.

Remember that your example will give future generations a framework for their own success.

10. Remember that anything is possible

If you want to enjoy a thriving marriage, you must put in the time to nurture your relationship. This will not occur organically any more than your next raise or promotion. Pinpoint your goals and put in the work to achieve them.

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands. It is the result of the actions you take, for you have considerable power over your thoughts and attitudes.

 

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

%d bloggers like this: